6 Thoughts
1) I'm not gonna lie to you: I'm a little angsty tonight, just a little bit uptight. Been that way all day. One of my favorite basketball players ever, Jalen Rose, made a documentary that people banged on all day in a way that felt a little uncomfortably close to being racially motivated; I've been locked in the house for three straight days with two boys nursing strep throat; and my eight year old soccer team has its first game Saturday, and we lost 80 percent of our offense from last year, so it could get ugly quick. I wish I were doing better, but I'm not. Heat lost a lackluster, meaningless game to a pretty good team - that's the least of my worries...Let's go!
2) Miami beat the Thunder earlier this year in Oklahoma. That made tonight's rematch one of the two or three biggest games the Thunder will play this season. And they came out and worked. On the other hand, for Miami, there really aren't any big regular season games left. They proved they can beat good teams by handing the Lakers their only post-All Star game loss, and pasting league-leading San Antonio over the course of five days, with a blowout of playoff-team Memphis in between. They are pretty much locked in to the third spot in the East for the playoffs. That makes the next fifteen or so games tedious - they know their whole season is going to be judged on the playoff results. They came out tonight hoping to keep it close for three and a half quarters with minimal effort and steal it at the end - it almost worked when Dwyane Wade got out in transition down 7 with three minutes to go. But he failed to finish over a hard Serge Ibaka contest, James Harden banged a three at the other end, and it was ballgame. Was it a great effort? No. Did it matter after beating Los Angeles and San Antonio? Not really. It actually felt good to lose a game and not have it feel like a referendum on the team success, or lack thereof, over the next five seasons. Is what it is - a loss...
3) After a week of super-efficient offensive play, Miami mostly eschewed the pick-and-roll for the stand-around-looking-exhausted-since-we-have-played-a-ton-of-games-in-a-row-against-playoff-contenders-and-we're-not-really-feeling-it offense. Bosh had 21 on 17 shots; Wade 21 on 21; and LeBron, most lethargic of all, had 19 on 21.
4) Best player in the game: Serge Ibaka. His 12 rebounds and 3 blocks felt like 35 rebounds and 15 blocks. It seemed like he was everywhere, and not only because I kept mistaking him for the similarly built and skin-colored Nazr Mohammed, who had 9 rebounds of his own. Okay, it was partly that...But Ibaka has been helped immensely by the recent acquisition of Kendrick Perkins, who is still working himself back in to shape from knee surgery. Perkins' acquisition gives OKC the best on the ball post defender in the league, and frees up Ibaka to roam the lane defensively looking for blocks and rebounds. This team still feels a little young and wild to win a title, specifically point guard Russell Westbrook, who can be baited into bad shots and poor decisions. But they are coming: Durant is great, Westbrook is freakishly athletic, they have solid role players, and everyone is sleeping on them, partially because the Chicago Bulls are having the youthful breakout season that everyone expected might come from OKC. This is a super-nice team - I like them...Okay, that was gay. But still...
5) Most incorrect comment of the game: When Tony Fiorentino described Wade's "gravity-defying zigging and zagging" as something that would be good on gas mileage. Wouldn't the opposite be true? Wouldn't all the stopping and starting, and sudden bursts of speed, and changes of direction, actually be terrible for gas mileage? Not to mention what the hard landings would do to your chassis. I feel like the better choice for gas mileage would be Mike Bibby. First of all, you cut down on the raw distance traveled, since he never goes inside the three point line at either end of the court. Second of all, he rarely actually runs. Third of all, he is very light-skinned, and would deflect heat, rather than absorb it, which means you could run the air conditioner less.
6) Okay, okay, okay. We rarely do this, but we want to thank one of our readers named Tommy. Tommy remembered that I had mentioned, many moons ago, that I rarely get to see all the viral videos - and whatnot - on the internet, and I end up looking like a dork when I am talking to folks. So he sent along two popular videos, the first a virulently racist anti-Asian diatribe by a white UCLA student, and then an answer video from an Asian UCLA student. I have included the whole videos here, but you only need to watch about 25 seconds of each to get the idea. Down below, we'll choose the winner of the exchange.
Okay, first of all, the white girl really did make some excellent points. Asian people, obviously, can be very annoying in a library-type setting. If anything, I feel like she didn't go far enough. I'm a white dude from the suburbs of Connecticut, and you know who I have found knows how to behave in a library? Only white dudes from the suburbs of Connecticut! Because we, above all, value not making a scene! We didn't actually have Asians, or blacks, or Hispanics in my state, so I can't comment on them, but believe me, we had plenty of white refugees who escaped Long Island to move to my state, coming in with their Mets gear, and their Billy Joel, and their guttural accents, and we didn't like seeing them in a library, either. So I say: Incredibly-racist Girl, I feel your pain.
But the winner, quite obviously, is the Asian dude. Did you see that beard! Holy Amish-beard, Asian dude: you are super awesome!!! I have heard many Asians - okay one, on NPR - lament that while Asian women can be sex symbols in America, Asian men almost never are. But whoever said that never saw this guy - I feel like if all Asian dudes grew beards like this, they'd be getting a whole lot more respect around the way. Game, set, match: Asian dude!!! And thanks, Tommy! Keep the videos coming!
I am not 100% sure, and I don't feel like clicking two buttons to find out, but I think the next game is Friday in Atlanta. This is about the time of the season where I am really, really ready for the playoffs to start. Nothing too important can happen from now until the end of the season, save for an inj-...jinx alert, jinx alert! Jinx, I cast thee out!!! See you Friday!!!
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Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Monday, March 14, 2011
Heat 110 Spurs 80
6 Thoughts
1) The Spurs cruised into town with a league best 54-12 record, with one of the 54 wins being an absolute dismantling of Miami 10 days ago in San Antonio. Los Spurs (it was Noche Latino Night again in the NBA) have been the best team in the league from day one this season, so it was reasonable to assume it could be a tough night for the Heat. Reasonable, that is, if you didn't respect the two basketball-juju forces working against them. First, the "It's not always who you play, but when you play, that matters" juju. Ten days ago, the Spurs caught Miami on the second night of a back-to-back, with Miami touching down in Texas at 5am the day of the game - tonight, Miami was at home with the Spurs having a free night in South Beach on Sunday. And they only see South Beach one time a year - advantage Miami. Second, the little known adage that, "Teams that like to administer a merciless 30 point beatdown at home when the other team just isn't feeling it, hate to have teams at home beat them down mercilessly when they aren't feeling it...." Or something like that. Either way, Miami blew San Antonio out - way out - was never much of a game after the first quarter. Good performance by the Heat, and, okay, okay: we might as well go...
2) The offense is sooooo much more fluid now. More fluid? Fluider? Not so sure which is right...Anyways, the reason why is: pick and rolls. Ahhhh - seems so simple. But it is that simple, for the moment. Now, instead of Wade and LeBron starting up top with five defenders staring at them, preparing for their drives, they are running pick and rolls with one of them handling, and Bosh setting the screen at the elbow. Not only has Miami not run that enough this year, but they are sprinkling in new wrinkles as well. One, instead of setting the screen and spotting up for an 18 footer, Bosh is now rolling down the lane, and receiving passes - especially from LeBron - on the move. That's 30 points on only 16 shots for the Maitre d' tonight, with 10 free throws, against a defense that is extremely paint-conscious. Also, when Bosh doesn't receive the ball, if the dribbler does not immediately attack, the opposite wing runs a diagonal cut through the lane, looking to receive a pass. Not just a diagonal cut - a hard diagonal cut. Wade and LeBron found each other for easy hoops tonight - they combined for 50. They even mix in an occasional high screen for Dwyane from LeBron - although usually Dwyane sharply crosses over away from that screen and attacks the rim because the defenders tend to try to shade it early. This all started when Bosh called for the ball before the Laker game - we're three nights in, we're 3-0, Bosh is playing great, and nobody is crying...
3) After we lose to Oklahoma City on Wednesday because Mario Chalmers is absolutely terrible, you can blame me, but he is in the midst of his best stretch of NBA basketball right now - he actually started this during the losing streak last week. He was 4-4 with 2 triples, 5 assists, and 3 steals in 30, mostly efficient, minutes tonight. More importantly, he was reasonably effective defensively against Spurs point guard, the insatiable Tony Parker, keeping him from getting free paint runs to score, and find others. When Parker went under a first quarter screen, and Mario stepped back and hit the triple, it was almost as if Miami had a real NBA point guard! It also caused Spurs coach Gregg Popovich to instantly call a timeout in disbelief! Walking back to the bench for the timeout (miles behind LeBron James, by the way), Chalmers assumed a look that approximated, "You'd better guard me," which may be a career first for Emcee. Still, when a 'Meet the Heat' promotion in the third quarter started with Eric Reid reading copy asking, "Do you want to meet Mario Chalmers," someone in Casa Minutos may - may - have said, "Not if I have to leave my couch..."
4) Look - I love Sunshine, or Sunsports, or whatever the Heat's station is called now. When people are like, "Oh, Eric and Tony are homers," I'm like, "Yeah, but they're our homers." When people are like, "Jax wears ascots," I'm always like, "No, Jax is fly, come on - and why are you so worried about what other dudes are wearing?" But honestly, Sunsports director-people: I haven't seen a free throw or a dunk go in the basket during a Heat broadcast since the 90s. Why do I have to watch free throws from a camera angle that is under the rim, or over the rim, or through referee Joey Crawford's legs, or from Mike Miller's eyeball, or whatever? Jesus - I really just want to watch the free throw - why can't I watch it from the normal angle? Similarly, most times when there is a Heat run out, as the ball gets to the paint, there is an instant jump cut to a camera under the basket, so that our main perspective of the finish is of the dunker's crotch. Believe me, I love man-crotch as much as any white kid, but it is incredibly annoying. If that angle is so good, why don't we see the whole game from crotch level? I don't think it is just me - I know M.Minutos hates it, too - but I haven't done any extensive research on it, or anything. Maybe I should. I don't know what the logic is - would the game be too exciting if we could actually see the dunks? I'm totally open to the possibility that I am wrong, but in that case, I need what I am missing explained to me.
5) Noche Latino: DeJuan Blair! Also: Jorge Hill!
6) I really got nothing for you here tonight. I didn't think I was going to see this game, I thought I would be in South Beach, or Disney World, until six year old P.Minutos got strep throat and ruined our plans. I had a "talk" with him, and let's just say that I don't think he will make this mistake a second time. Instead, O.Minutos and I went out and ate frozen yogurt at GoYo this evening. I enjoyed it until the po-lice pulled up right in front of us, parked at the curb, and spent fifteen minutes in Five Guys hamburger shop next door acquiring a sackful of burgers and fries. Nearest available parking spot eschewed by him to instead park on the curb? About 8 feet. Number of cars that needlessly got (slightly) jammed up trying to go around him since that parking lot is too tight to park on the curb because then people can't get by easily? Maybe about 12 cars. People aren't allowed to park on the curb of the parking lot of the public town soccer field, like four thousand yards away from the fields and any traffic flow, but it was totally essential for this guy to put it on the curb at Five Guys...That's a good start to the night for that po-lice: if you figure there were an average of two people in each car, he had annoyed two dozen people before he even started his shift by stuffing two super-greasy (though admittedly delicious) cheeseburgers into his mug. Efficient! That's doing what the po-lice in this town do: make peoples' lives more difficult! It was a good reminder - I almost thought I was living in America there for a second...
Next game: Wednesday vs. Kevin Durant and the OKC...not sure what they are? Thunder? Until then, stay away from Five Guys on Congress and Old Boynton in the Deuce B unless you happen to be an exceptional driver able to negotiate tight spaces with ease...
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1) The Spurs cruised into town with a league best 54-12 record, with one of the 54 wins being an absolute dismantling of Miami 10 days ago in San Antonio. Los Spurs (it was Noche Latino Night again in the NBA) have been the best team in the league from day one this season, so it was reasonable to assume it could be a tough night for the Heat. Reasonable, that is, if you didn't respect the two basketball-juju forces working against them. First, the "It's not always who you play, but when you play, that matters" juju. Ten days ago, the Spurs caught Miami on the second night of a back-to-back, with Miami touching down in Texas at 5am the day of the game - tonight, Miami was at home with the Spurs having a free night in South Beach on Sunday. And they only see South Beach one time a year - advantage Miami. Second, the little known adage that, "Teams that like to administer a merciless 30 point beatdown at home when the other team just isn't feeling it, hate to have teams at home beat them down mercilessly when they aren't feeling it...." Or something like that. Either way, Miami blew San Antonio out - way out - was never much of a game after the first quarter. Good performance by the Heat, and, okay, okay: we might as well go...
2) The offense is sooooo much more fluid now. More fluid? Fluider? Not so sure which is right...Anyways, the reason why is: pick and rolls. Ahhhh - seems so simple. But it is that simple, for the moment. Now, instead of Wade and LeBron starting up top with five defenders staring at them, preparing for their drives, they are running pick and rolls with one of them handling, and Bosh setting the screen at the elbow. Not only has Miami not run that enough this year, but they are sprinkling in new wrinkles as well. One, instead of setting the screen and spotting up for an 18 footer, Bosh is now rolling down the lane, and receiving passes - especially from LeBron - on the move. That's 30 points on only 16 shots for the Maitre d' tonight, with 10 free throws, against a defense that is extremely paint-conscious. Also, when Bosh doesn't receive the ball, if the dribbler does not immediately attack, the opposite wing runs a diagonal cut through the lane, looking to receive a pass. Not just a diagonal cut - a hard diagonal cut. Wade and LeBron found each other for easy hoops tonight - they combined for 50. They even mix in an occasional high screen for Dwyane from LeBron - although usually Dwyane sharply crosses over away from that screen and attacks the rim because the defenders tend to try to shade it early. This all started when Bosh called for the ball before the Laker game - we're three nights in, we're 3-0, Bosh is playing great, and nobody is crying...
3) After we lose to Oklahoma City on Wednesday because Mario Chalmers is absolutely terrible, you can blame me, but he is in the midst of his best stretch of NBA basketball right now - he actually started this during the losing streak last week. He was 4-4 with 2 triples, 5 assists, and 3 steals in 30, mostly efficient, minutes tonight. More importantly, he was reasonably effective defensively against Spurs point guard, the insatiable Tony Parker, keeping him from getting free paint runs to score, and find others. When Parker went under a first quarter screen, and Mario stepped back and hit the triple, it was almost as if Miami had a real NBA point guard! It also caused Spurs coach Gregg Popovich to instantly call a timeout in disbelief! Walking back to the bench for the timeout (miles behind LeBron James, by the way), Chalmers assumed a look that approximated, "You'd better guard me," which may be a career first for Emcee. Still, when a 'Meet the Heat' promotion in the third quarter started with Eric Reid reading copy asking, "Do you want to meet Mario Chalmers," someone in Casa Minutos may - may - have said, "Not if I have to leave my couch..."
4) Look - I love Sunshine, or Sunsports, or whatever the Heat's station is called now. When people are like, "Oh, Eric and Tony are homers," I'm like, "Yeah, but they're our homers." When people are like, "Jax wears ascots," I'm always like, "No, Jax is fly, come on - and why are you so worried about what other dudes are wearing?" But honestly, Sunsports director-people: I haven't seen a free throw or a dunk go in the basket during a Heat broadcast since the 90s. Why do I have to watch free throws from a camera angle that is under the rim, or over the rim, or through referee Joey Crawford's legs, or from Mike Miller's eyeball, or whatever? Jesus - I really just want to watch the free throw - why can't I watch it from the normal angle? Similarly, most times when there is a Heat run out, as the ball gets to the paint, there is an instant jump cut to a camera under the basket, so that our main perspective of the finish is of the dunker's crotch. Believe me, I love man-crotch as much as any white kid, but it is incredibly annoying. If that angle is so good, why don't we see the whole game from crotch level? I don't think it is just me - I know M.Minutos hates it, too - but I haven't done any extensive research on it, or anything. Maybe I should. I don't know what the logic is - would the game be too exciting if we could actually see the dunks? I'm totally open to the possibility that I am wrong, but in that case, I need what I am missing explained to me.
5) Noche Latino: DeJuan Blair! Also: Jorge Hill!
6) I really got nothing for you here tonight. I didn't think I was going to see this game, I thought I would be in South Beach, or Disney World, until six year old P.Minutos got strep throat and ruined our plans. I had a "talk" with him, and let's just say that I don't think he will make this mistake a second time. Instead, O.Minutos and I went out and ate frozen yogurt at GoYo this evening. I enjoyed it until the po-lice pulled up right in front of us, parked at the curb, and spent fifteen minutes in Five Guys hamburger shop next door acquiring a sackful of burgers and fries. Nearest available parking spot eschewed by him to instead park on the curb? About 8 feet. Number of cars that needlessly got (slightly) jammed up trying to go around him since that parking lot is too tight to park on the curb because then people can't get by easily? Maybe about 12 cars. People aren't allowed to park on the curb of the parking lot of the public town soccer field, like four thousand yards away from the fields and any traffic flow, but it was totally essential for this guy to put it on the curb at Five Guys...That's a good start to the night for that po-lice: if you figure there were an average of two people in each car, he had annoyed two dozen people before he even started his shift by stuffing two super-greasy (though admittedly delicious) cheeseburgers into his mug. Efficient! That's doing what the po-lice in this town do: make peoples' lives more difficult! It was a good reminder - I almost thought I was living in America there for a second...
Next game: Wednesday vs. Kevin Durant and the OKC...not sure what they are? Thunder? Until then, stay away from Five Guys on Congress and Old Boynton in the Deuce B unless you happen to be an exceptional driver able to negotiate tight spaces with ease...
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Saturday, March 12, 2011
Heat 118 Memphis 85
6 Thoughts
1) Whoooaaaaa, Memphis. Exactly what time did you say you got in from South Beach last night? Miami beat down a more-than-competent Memphis team in a rare Saturday afternoon game. Saturday afternoon game - means I'm writing this blog sober for the first time in about three weeks. Almost, anyways. Let's Get It and Go Get It, or something!
2) Super-efficient performance against a still-drunk Memphis squad. Wade: 28 points on 15 shots; LeBron: 27 points on 16 shots, and again, about 60 percent less dribbling than usual; the polite Maitre d', Chris Bosh, with 18 on 11 shots. Most efficient of all: Mike Bibby, with 17 points on 5 shots. Bibs is a master of the "opportunity three," an offensive "strategy" whereby he plants himself somewhere beyond the three point arc, eschews all movement whatsoever, and waits to see if the ball will find him on rotations. If it does - opportunity three: he was 5-5 for today. If it doesn't, he trots back to the other end of the court, plants himself defensively on the perimeter, and waits for an "opportunity steal..."
3) Best play of the game: in the first quarter, when Memphis guard Tony Allen ran out ahead of the pack in transition, but got run down by Dwyane Wade who blocked his shot. Mike Conley, trailing the play, grabbed the rebound, and had his follow blocked by a sprinting LeBron James. Allen hustled back to that loose ball, elevated at the rim, only to have his shot repelled with force by Wade, who leaped back in from the baseline. Five blocks in the game for Wade, who also finished with 5 rebounds, 9 assists, and 3 steals. DWade was doin' it all...Second best play of the game: midway through the third quarter, with the game already well out of hand, Marc Gasol (back-to-back Gasols!) found himself lying on his own defensive three point line with the ball in his hands. Towering over him, Screen du Jour, Erick Dampier, who reached down to tie him up, only to have Gasol start repeatedly swinging the ball rapidly back and forth, like a four year old trying to keep the blue crayon away from the annoying kid from down the street who is trying to "borrow" it, while Dampier flailed at him. Suddenly, inexplicably, from his knees, Gasol blindly hurled the ball 65 feet down the court in the general direction of the basket, right to, I believe, Mario Chalmers, who pushed it back up the court for an easy Heat basket, due in no small part to the fact that Memphis' center was still lying in the same spot on the defensive three point line. Don't see that every day. Then again, not every team's center is a large, grumpy, bearded man from Spain...
4) In the first half, Memphis forward Darrell Arthur was guarding LeBron James in space on the right wing when LeBron faked a shot, elevating Arthur. LeBron took a small step into him, took the bump as Arthur landed, and launched a fling to basket, earning two free throws. The classic "okey doke." There are two possible reactions to the okey doke for the defensive player. The first is "The Denial," in which you run over to the ref claiming that you went straight up in the air, and the shooter jumped into you and created the contact on his own. Also known as the "Brandon Roy," especially in the Pacific Northwest region of this great land of ours. The second reaction is "The Respect" - this is the route Arthur wisely chose. You just nod your head, maybe crisply punch a fist into an open palm, and walk to your spot on the lane to wait for the free throws. Hey, it's no big deal - you got okey doked. It happens to the best of us. Show the proper respect.
5) Update on Udonis Haslem from Eric Reid and Tony Fiorentino today. Udonis, who has missed the last 50 plus games with a foot injury, is now doing light shooting, some defensive shuffling, and is running on eighty percent of his body weight - "He is probably doing that in a pool," guessed Tony. Yes, either that, or on the moon.
6) New game: Do We Have the Nuts? When you are driving, when it is time to pull out into traffic, or back out of your parking spot, instead of looking, you just go to your kids, "Do we have the nuts," and if they say, "No," then you wait, but if they say, "Yes, we have the nuts," you just go blindly, relying on them to be right. Brings the excitement back into driving, and teaches the kids there are consequences to actions...
Next game is Monday vs San Antonio who beat us by about 100 in Texas a couple of weeks ago. I may miss that game - I've missed only one all year, but even that miss means I can't surpass last year's record of 86 out of 87 (including playoffs). I may have a guest writer, or you may get a break and not have to read this stupid blog on Tuesday. Not sure yet. Time to go drink some Lynchburg Lemonades - Hey, we still have a lot whiskey left, and we're branching out! The drink definitely sounds vaguely racist, but if we don't drink it for that reason, aren't we letting the racists win? Again? See you soon!
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1) Whoooaaaaa, Memphis. Exactly what time did you say you got in from South Beach last night? Miami beat down a more-than-competent Memphis team in a rare Saturday afternoon game. Saturday afternoon game - means I'm writing this blog sober for the first time in about three weeks. Almost, anyways. Let's Get It and Go Get It, or something!
2) Super-efficient performance against a still-drunk Memphis squad. Wade: 28 points on 15 shots; LeBron: 27 points on 16 shots, and again, about 60 percent less dribbling than usual; the polite Maitre d', Chris Bosh, with 18 on 11 shots. Most efficient of all: Mike Bibby, with 17 points on 5 shots. Bibs is a master of the "opportunity three," an offensive "strategy" whereby he plants himself somewhere beyond the three point arc, eschews all movement whatsoever, and waits to see if the ball will find him on rotations. If it does - opportunity three: he was 5-5 for today. If it doesn't, he trots back to the other end of the court, plants himself defensively on the perimeter, and waits for an "opportunity steal..."
3) Best play of the game: in the first quarter, when Memphis guard Tony Allen ran out ahead of the pack in transition, but got run down by Dwyane Wade who blocked his shot. Mike Conley, trailing the play, grabbed the rebound, and had his follow blocked by a sprinting LeBron James. Allen hustled back to that loose ball, elevated at the rim, only to have his shot repelled with force by Wade, who leaped back in from the baseline. Five blocks in the game for Wade, who also finished with 5 rebounds, 9 assists, and 3 steals. DWade was doin' it all...Second best play of the game: midway through the third quarter, with the game already well out of hand, Marc Gasol (back-to-back Gasols!) found himself lying on his own defensive three point line with the ball in his hands. Towering over him, Screen du Jour, Erick Dampier, who reached down to tie him up, only to have Gasol start repeatedly swinging the ball rapidly back and forth, like a four year old trying to keep the blue crayon away from the annoying kid from down the street who is trying to "borrow" it, while Dampier flailed at him. Suddenly, inexplicably, from his knees, Gasol blindly hurled the ball 65 feet down the court in the general direction of the basket, right to, I believe, Mario Chalmers, who pushed it back up the court for an easy Heat basket, due in no small part to the fact that Memphis' center was still lying in the same spot on the defensive three point line. Don't see that every day. Then again, not every team's center is a large, grumpy, bearded man from Spain...
4) In the first half, Memphis forward Darrell Arthur was guarding LeBron James in space on the right wing when LeBron faked a shot, elevating Arthur. LeBron took a small step into him, took the bump as Arthur landed, and launched a fling to basket, earning two free throws. The classic "okey doke." There are two possible reactions to the okey doke for the defensive player. The first is "The Denial," in which you run over to the ref claiming that you went straight up in the air, and the shooter jumped into you and created the contact on his own. Also known as the "Brandon Roy," especially in the Pacific Northwest region of this great land of ours. The second reaction is "The Respect" - this is the route Arthur wisely chose. You just nod your head, maybe crisply punch a fist into an open palm, and walk to your spot on the lane to wait for the free throws. Hey, it's no big deal - you got okey doked. It happens to the best of us. Show the proper respect.
5) Update on Udonis Haslem from Eric Reid and Tony Fiorentino today. Udonis, who has missed the last 50 plus games with a foot injury, is now doing light shooting, some defensive shuffling, and is running on eighty percent of his body weight - "He is probably doing that in a pool," guessed Tony. Yes, either that, or on the moon.
6) New game: Do We Have the Nuts? When you are driving, when it is time to pull out into traffic, or back out of your parking spot, instead of looking, you just go to your kids, "Do we have the nuts," and if they say, "No," then you wait, but if they say, "Yes, we have the nuts," you just go blindly, relying on them to be right. Brings the excitement back into driving, and teaches the kids there are consequences to actions...
Next game is Monday vs San Antonio who beat us by about 100 in Texas a couple of weeks ago. I may miss that game - I've missed only one all year, but even that miss means I can't surpass last year's record of 86 out of 87 (including playoffs). I may have a guest writer, or you may get a break and not have to read this stupid blog on Tuesday. Not sure yet. Time to go drink some Lynchburg Lemonades - Hey, we still have a lot whiskey left, and we're branching out! The drink definitely sounds vaguely racist, but if we don't drink it for that reason, aren't we letting the racists win? Again? See you soon!
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Thursday, March 10, 2011
Heat 94 Lakers 88
6 Thoughts
1) Ohhhhhh - that's how it's supposed to look! Miami got a big-time performance from Chris Bosh, huge plays on both ends of the court down the stretch from Dwyane Wade, and LeBron made savvy, facilitating plays to help those guys out. They won a close game, at home, against the hottest team in the league, utilizing their skill sets appropriately - that's the best part. We "Let's Go Getted It!" against a team looking for revenge for a Christmas Day beat down in LA...Oh yeah- and suck it, Kobe!
2) Chris Bosh spent the past two days since the Portland loss complaining that he needed more opportunities closer to the basket. Seemed like an odd complaint since he hadn't ventured below the free throw line on offense since before Hanukkah. Don't know when that is, most of you, do you? December...So what did he do? HE BACKED IT THE FUCK UP! He screened for dribblers and rolled down the lane! He flashed to open areas on the block! He upfaked guys, and dribbled by! He posted up Odom, and made a turnaround over him! He received passes from LeBron and finished at the rim with purpose! THIS WAS THE GUY WE THOUGHT WE WERE SIGNING! I HAVE NOW JINXED HIM FOR THREE WEEKS! IN CAPITALS!!!
3) Like the old days: Dwyane won the game down the stretch. Biggest play of the game: tied with a couple of minutes to go, covering Kobe Bryant in space, poked the ball free, retrieved it with the help of a Mike Bibby chop block on Pau Gasol, and fed a steaming LeBron James for a dunk to give Miami a lead they would never relinquish. Also: blocked a Kobe turnaround jumper, and finished two spectacular drives to the rim, all in the last five minutes. Warrants mentioning that someone in Casa Dos might - might - have suggested that Spo put LeBron on Kobe for the stretch run. And by "might have suggested," I mean that I - I mean, that person - screamed, several times, "Spo, get Dwyane the freak off of him, and put LeBron on him!!!" And guess what? That person was wrong!
4) I don't know if someone told him, I don't know if he decided on his own, I don't know if it was just freaky luck, but instead of running what is commonly referred to as the "LeBron screen-and-back-it-up-to-halfcourt offense," LeBron James moved the ball sharply and crisply, with many of his 9 assists leading to easy Chris Bosh baskets. Also had 8 rebounds, 19 points, and played aggressive defense. Before the game, in response to Chris Bosh's public call for the ball, LeBron said, "All he has to do is ask for it." Tonight, for the first time in a while, LeBron helped Chris, because Chris put himself in position to be helped.
5) Funniest moment of the game: when, on a inopportune defensive rotation, somehow defensively-challenged Miami point guard Mike Bibby ended up in space against Kobe Bryant, who received a pass and look Bibby right in the eye. At the same moment, both M.Minutos and I said, "oh, no" before, inexplicably, Kobe decided the better of it, and passed the ball back up to the top of the key. Yeah, Mike Bibby - he didn't want any of that! Put him on lock, kid!
6) Trip to Puerto Rico, Part One: Someone wrote in to ask me if I am going to write about my recent trip to Puerto Rico. Yes, I am. Right now. Here we go: M.Minutos and I went to Puerto Rico to try to take this blog even more worldwide – we’re already huge in parts of Europe, and now trying to expand to whatever-part-of-the-world-it-is that Puerto Rico is exactly located. Not too sure, geography isn’t a strength of mine. The Caribbean?..One night in Old San Juan, I went out to dinner with M.Minutos. About two large glasses of Saki Sangria into the night at a hipster Asian fusion place (because I’m a baller), we found ourselves sitting next to a table of five earnest youngsters from a merchant marine academy (“the” Merchant Marine Academy? – I talked to them for an hour, and I still have no idea who the merchant marines are – something to do with the water, right?). So there were two dudes: a very solid-ish and affable strapping white fellow who seemed like he could have been from Ohio, and a sardonic little Asian-ish dude, who very clearly was on the short end of the 5:1 men to women ratio on their merchant marine ship. Also, three young white women, all 19 or 20 years old. So they strike up a conversation with us because, you know, I’m cool, and girls love a dude who looks like the Gay Transporter, who is wearing a checkered button down shirt from the Gap and is an integral part of an interracial marriage. M.Minutos was trying to rattle my game – in fairness, she is my wife – and was all, like, “You girls do realize that he is old enough to be your father, right, and has two little boys at home,” but it didn’t even stop the girls, they were all, like, “oh, you must be the ‘cool dad!’” Yes. Yes, I am – nice to meet you, ladies! Then one of the girls was like, “Do you like Vampire Weekend,” and I’m like, “No – I fucking hate them. I’d like to take one of their fucking little acoustic guitars and smash it over their fucking heads!” Then I had those girls, you know why? ‘Cuz girls like dudes who are edgy! But one of the girls was, like, “Oh, that’s too bad, because you look like you would hang out with them a lot.” Damn these well-fitted, flat-front khakis! Anyways, then they are like, “well, who are your favorite bands,” and I’m like, “Well, when I was coming up in the day, my favorites were Jane’s Addiction and Smashing Pumpkins,” and one of the girls gets all excited and goes, “Oh, I love Jane’s,” then thinks, and says, “I’ve never listened to Smashing Pumpkins, but my mom loves them…” Oh, no. That’s brutal. Only one thing to do in a situation like that: text Thor back in the States to tell him about it, which I spent the rest of the night doing. Also – went to the beach a lot. Also – saw a lot of cool old colonial forts and buildings. Also, drank of a lot of Medalla Light, which is Puerto Rican for "ice water..."
Part two of the trip to Puerto Rico coming Saturday, when we may or may not revert to our losing ways against a sneaky-good Memphis team. Adios!!!
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1) Ohhhhhh - that's how it's supposed to look! Miami got a big-time performance from Chris Bosh, huge plays on both ends of the court down the stretch from Dwyane Wade, and LeBron made savvy, facilitating plays to help those guys out. They won a close game, at home, against the hottest team in the league, utilizing their skill sets appropriately - that's the best part. We "Let's Go Getted It!" against a team looking for revenge for a Christmas Day beat down in LA...Oh yeah- and suck it, Kobe!
2) Chris Bosh spent the past two days since the Portland loss complaining that he needed more opportunities closer to the basket. Seemed like an odd complaint since he hadn't ventured below the free throw line on offense since before Hanukkah. Don't know when that is, most of you, do you? December...So what did he do? HE BACKED IT THE FUCK UP! He screened for dribblers and rolled down the lane! He flashed to open areas on the block! He upfaked guys, and dribbled by! He posted up Odom, and made a turnaround over him! He received passes from LeBron and finished at the rim with purpose! THIS WAS THE GUY WE THOUGHT WE WERE SIGNING! I HAVE NOW JINXED HIM FOR THREE WEEKS! IN CAPITALS!!!
3) Like the old days: Dwyane won the game down the stretch. Biggest play of the game: tied with a couple of minutes to go, covering Kobe Bryant in space, poked the ball free, retrieved it with the help of a Mike Bibby chop block on Pau Gasol, and fed a steaming LeBron James for a dunk to give Miami a lead they would never relinquish. Also: blocked a Kobe turnaround jumper, and finished two spectacular drives to the rim, all in the last five minutes. Warrants mentioning that someone in Casa Dos might - might - have suggested that Spo put LeBron on Kobe for the stretch run. And by "might have suggested," I mean that I - I mean, that person - screamed, several times, "Spo, get Dwyane the freak off of him, and put LeBron on him!!!" And guess what? That person was wrong!
4) I don't know if someone told him, I don't know if he decided on his own, I don't know if it was just freaky luck, but instead of running what is commonly referred to as the "LeBron screen-and-back-it-up-to-halfcourt offense," LeBron James moved the ball sharply and crisply, with many of his 9 assists leading to easy Chris Bosh baskets. Also had 8 rebounds, 19 points, and played aggressive defense. Before the game, in response to Chris Bosh's public call for the ball, LeBron said, "All he has to do is ask for it." Tonight, for the first time in a while, LeBron helped Chris, because Chris put himself in position to be helped.
5) Funniest moment of the game: when, on a inopportune defensive rotation, somehow defensively-challenged Miami point guard Mike Bibby ended up in space against Kobe Bryant, who received a pass and look Bibby right in the eye. At the same moment, both M.Minutos and I said, "oh, no" before, inexplicably, Kobe decided the better of it, and passed the ball back up to the top of the key. Yeah, Mike Bibby - he didn't want any of that! Put him on lock, kid!
6) Trip to Puerto Rico, Part One: Someone wrote in to ask me if I am going to write about my recent trip to Puerto Rico. Yes, I am. Right now. Here we go: M.Minutos and I went to Puerto Rico to try to take this blog even more worldwide – we’re already huge in parts of Europe, and now trying to expand to whatever-part-of-the-world-it-is that Puerto Rico is exactly located. Not too sure, geography isn’t a strength of mine. The Caribbean?..One night in Old San Juan, I went out to dinner with M.Minutos. About two large glasses of Saki Sangria into the night at a hipster Asian fusion place (because I’m a baller), we found ourselves sitting next to a table of five earnest youngsters from a merchant marine academy (“the” Merchant Marine Academy? – I talked to them for an hour, and I still have no idea who the merchant marines are – something to do with the water, right?). So there were two dudes: a very solid-ish and affable strapping white fellow who seemed like he could have been from Ohio, and a sardonic little Asian-ish dude, who very clearly was on the short end of the 5:1 men to women ratio on their merchant marine ship. Also, three young white women, all 19 or 20 years old. So they strike up a conversation with us because, you know, I’m cool, and girls love a dude who looks like the Gay Transporter, who is wearing a checkered button down shirt from the Gap and is an integral part of an interracial marriage. M.Minutos was trying to rattle my game – in fairness, she is my wife – and was all, like, “You girls do realize that he is old enough to be your father, right, and has two little boys at home,” but it didn’t even stop the girls, they were all, like, “oh, you must be the ‘cool dad!’” Yes. Yes, I am – nice to meet you, ladies! Then one of the girls was like, “Do you like Vampire Weekend,” and I’m like, “No – I fucking hate them. I’d like to take one of their fucking little acoustic guitars and smash it over their fucking heads!” Then I had those girls, you know why? ‘Cuz girls like dudes who are edgy! But one of the girls was, like, “Oh, that’s too bad, because you look like you would hang out with them a lot.” Damn these well-fitted, flat-front khakis! Anyways, then they are like, “well, who are your favorite bands,” and I’m like, “Well, when I was coming up in the day, my favorites were Jane’s Addiction and Smashing Pumpkins,” and one of the girls gets all excited and goes, “Oh, I love Jane’s,” then thinks, and says, “I’ve never listened to Smashing Pumpkins, but my mom loves them…” Oh, no. That’s brutal. Only one thing to do in a situation like that: text Thor back in the States to tell him about it, which I spent the rest of the night doing. Also – went to the beach a lot. Also – saw a lot of cool old colonial forts and buildings. Also, drank of a lot of Medalla Light, which is Puerto Rican for "ice water..."
Part two of the trip to Puerto Rico coming Saturday, when we may or may not revert to our losing ways against a sneaky-good Memphis team. Adios!!!
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Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Blazers 105 Heat 96
6 Thoughts
1) Dwyane and LeBron were a combined 26-41 from the floor for 69 points. They had 17 rebounds and 13 assists between them. They were great. And it wasn't even close to enough - pounded down the stretch, at home, by Portland. Five losses in a row! Just when you thought it couldn't get no worse - it got worser! It wasn't the most disheartening loss in the streak, though, because the first four were so disheartening that by the time the fourth quarter rolled around tonight, you just expected something bad would happen. And it did - though Wade and LeBron kept scoring, down the stretch the Blazers made improbable jumper after improbable jumper, including two by the limited, limited jump shooter Andre Miller. It feels like the Heat will never win another game. Maybe they won't - you never know. Let us go, and let us do.
2) Ahh, Chris Bosh...I praised you after last game, then worried about a no show for you tonight, trying to re-reverse the double jinx since I had praised you, but somewhere I went awry...Oh yeah - it was when I forgot you were Chris Bosh! It would be impossible to describe his lack of aggression tonight - he made three of eleven ineffectual shots, he allowed numerous layups from guards at the rim - in short, he was Chris Bosh. He displayed the general passion of a grilled cheese sandwich. He is polite; he is articulate; he is bright; he is organized; he's well-dressed; he's like a Maitre 'd! Unfortunately, Miami needs him to play power forward. If we had Udonis Haslem available, we could send Chris to the Bacardi Lounge to seat people at halftime - unfortunately, UD is still hurt, so we're stuck with this. I seem to remember a time from earlier this season when he was playing well, and with a modicum of verve - but he doesn't seem to care; why should we care?
3) Also awful: Mike Miller. 1-7. Hasn't made a jumper since being knocked unconscious a month ago by Jeff Foster. Somehow got two drives blocked into the eighth row in a five minute span. He is not helping.
4) Dead Man Walking: Look, if this were early February instead of early March, you would fire Coach Spo. I don't know that he is doing anything wrong, exactly, but the team has bad, bad, bad juju right now. In the NBA, you fight juju by firing the coach. This late in the season, without a viable replacement on the bench, and with Riley loathe to step in, I think you ride it out. Either the juju gets turned around, they win two playoffs rounds and take their shot against Boston in the Eastern Conference Finals, or they don't, and he gets canned anyways. I love Spo - but he'll get another job, and you have to respect juju...Watching his post-game press conference now: Spo spent a lot of time explaining that Miami "can't let go of the rope." Great point! Wait- what rope? You know what we could do with a rope? Choke Chris Bosh! I don't mean kill him, of course, just incapacitate him. Actually, you could incapacitate him, and still leave him out there - how would you even notice! I got jokes! Uh-oh: national reporter Jason Whitlock just asked Spo if he feels he is losing his control of the team. Spo's answer: "No." Ok-ay! Dude- he has a rope!...Update: now Chris Bosh is calling out Spo indirectly in his post-game comments, claiming "I have to touch it where big men touch it." (side note: ewwwwww!!!) He means Spo is not calling enough postups for him. I agree, I've been saying that for two months. But you kind of have to show a pulse before Spo is going to trust you down there...Ten minutes in the first half against Chicago isn't enough...This is a disaster right now. It is entertaining - but it is a disaster!!! This shit is unseemly!!!
5) Ironically, during this five game span, besides Wade and LeBron, the guy playing best is...Emcee Chalmers! He has played several good games in a row. Overall, I am not even sure this is a positive development...
6) What I learned from my therapist tonight: "You're not gay." "How do you know?" "If you were, I could tell." "Maybe I am trying to fool you." "You wouldn't be able to." ... I don't really want to explain exactly how this came up. Let's just all be in agreeance that in the film Pretty in Pink, James Spader was a great-looking kid!!!
Okay, we are back on Thursday to get killed by the Lakers: that will be six losses in a row. Then Saturday, we lose to Memphis -that's seven - annnnnnnd then Monday against the Spurs makes eight. We'll stop it there for now. May miss one of those games for a road trip with O. and P. Minutos, but we'll see. This is pretty exciting, I don't want to miss any more of this! Ch-ch-ch-ch-eers!!!!
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1) Dwyane and LeBron were a combined 26-41 from the floor for 69 points. They had 17 rebounds and 13 assists between them. They were great. And it wasn't even close to enough - pounded down the stretch, at home, by Portland. Five losses in a row! Just when you thought it couldn't get no worse - it got worser! It wasn't the most disheartening loss in the streak, though, because the first four were so disheartening that by the time the fourth quarter rolled around tonight, you just expected something bad would happen. And it did - though Wade and LeBron kept scoring, down the stretch the Blazers made improbable jumper after improbable jumper, including two by the limited, limited jump shooter Andre Miller. It feels like the Heat will never win another game. Maybe they won't - you never know. Let us go, and let us do.
2) Ahh, Chris Bosh...I praised you after last game, then worried about a no show for you tonight, trying to re-reverse the double jinx since I had praised you, but somewhere I went awry...Oh yeah - it was when I forgot you were Chris Bosh! It would be impossible to describe his lack of aggression tonight - he made three of eleven ineffectual shots, he allowed numerous layups from guards at the rim - in short, he was Chris Bosh. He displayed the general passion of a grilled cheese sandwich. He is polite; he is articulate; he is bright; he is organized; he's well-dressed; he's like a Maitre 'd! Unfortunately, Miami needs him to play power forward. If we had Udonis Haslem available, we could send Chris to the Bacardi Lounge to seat people at halftime - unfortunately, UD is still hurt, so we're stuck with this. I seem to remember a time from earlier this season when he was playing well, and with a modicum of verve - but he doesn't seem to care; why should we care?
3) Also awful: Mike Miller. 1-7. Hasn't made a jumper since being knocked unconscious a month ago by Jeff Foster. Somehow got two drives blocked into the eighth row in a five minute span. He is not helping.
4) Dead Man Walking: Look, if this were early February instead of early March, you would fire Coach Spo. I don't know that he is doing anything wrong, exactly, but the team has bad, bad, bad juju right now. In the NBA, you fight juju by firing the coach. This late in the season, without a viable replacement on the bench, and with Riley loathe to step in, I think you ride it out. Either the juju gets turned around, they win two playoffs rounds and take their shot against Boston in the Eastern Conference Finals, or they don't, and he gets canned anyways. I love Spo - but he'll get another job, and you have to respect juju...Watching his post-game press conference now: Spo spent a lot of time explaining that Miami "can't let go of the rope." Great point! Wait- what rope? You know what we could do with a rope? Choke Chris Bosh! I don't mean kill him, of course, just incapacitate him. Actually, you could incapacitate him, and still leave him out there - how would you even notice! I got jokes! Uh-oh: national reporter Jason Whitlock just asked Spo if he feels he is losing his control of the team. Spo's answer: "No." Ok-ay! Dude- he has a rope!...Update: now Chris Bosh is calling out Spo indirectly in his post-game comments, claiming "I have to touch it where big men touch it." (side note: ewwwwww!!!) He means Spo is not calling enough postups for him. I agree, I've been saying that for two months. But you kind of have to show a pulse before Spo is going to trust you down there...Ten minutes in the first half against Chicago isn't enough...This is a disaster right now. It is entertaining - but it is a disaster!!! This shit is unseemly!!!
5) Ironically, during this five game span, besides Wade and LeBron, the guy playing best is...Emcee Chalmers! He has played several good games in a row. Overall, I am not even sure this is a positive development...
6) What I learned from my therapist tonight: "You're not gay." "How do you know?" "If you were, I could tell." "Maybe I am trying to fool you." "You wouldn't be able to." ... I don't really want to explain exactly how this came up. Let's just all be in agreeance that in the film Pretty in Pink, James Spader was a great-looking kid!!!
Okay, we are back on Thursday to get killed by the Lakers: that will be six losses in a row. Then Saturday, we lose to Memphis -that's seven - annnnnnnd then Monday against the Spurs makes eight. We'll stop it there for now. May miss one of those games for a road trip with O. and P. Minutos, but we'll see. This is pretty exciting, I don't want to miss any more of this! Ch-ch-ch-ch-eers!!!!
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Sunday, March 6, 2011
Bulls 87 Heat 86
6 Thoughts
1) Oh my heavens! Fourth straight loss, all of them excruciating in one fashion or another. Miami falls two games behind the Bulls in the standings - and the schedule is staying tough. For awhile. I'm a few whiskey sours into my "late afternoon" already - the new drink du jour in Casa Dos. Let's Go and Let's Get it!
2) Miami took a two point lead with 20 seconds to go on successive Mario Chalmers hoops (!), including a triple with the shot clock winding down. On the ensuing Bulls possession, Luol Deng drove the lane against pressure, took a bump, and missed a shot - awarded two free throws. Fine. He made the first and missed the second. On the ensuing scrum for the loose ball, Erick Dampier extricated himself from a Joakim Noah death grip to come up with the ball. The whistle blew, and the Heat bench celebrated, thinking Noah had been called for a foul, and Miami was going to retain possession. Yet somehow official Tony Brothers - who struggled all game - called a foul away from the ball on Mike Miller, who bumped Deng as both reached for the ball. By the way, Deng shouldn't have even been in the lane - he left early. Brothers gave two more free throws to Deng, who made them both. Heat down one, 15 seconds to go...
3) ...and predictably, LeBron went strong to the rim, got his right arm pulled off the ball by Joakim Noah in an obvious foul, and missed a runner with his left hand. Obviously, he got free throws, right? I mean Deng just got four at the other end. Ummm, no, no free throws - ballgame over. That's a tough way to lose. The Heat are inventing new, brutal ways to lose games now - four free throws to the same guy in the span of .8 of a second on one end, and then a more egregious foul not called on the other end - it's frustrating. They don't "deserve" to win, they aren't "due" to win, it's nothing like that. It is this: if you play enough close games, and all these losses are close losses to good teams, you will eventually win games. There is no correlation to being a good team and winning or losing close games - study after study after study shows this. Bad teams win close games at about the same rate good teams do - it is the blowouts that separate them, record-wise. And from one year to the next, teams do not sustain success or failure in close games. They just don't - it's random. Does it feel random right now, the way Miami keeps losing these games? No, it does not. But it is. Which, actually, only makes it more frustrating!!!
4) Someone, for sure, is going to point out that just last blog I pointed out that LeBron is expected to play through contact that other players are awarded free throws for, and that tonight's game was decided when Deng shot four free throws to LeBron's none, on exactly the type of play we were talking about...If Noah grabs almost any other wing in the league on that last drive, the guy is going to be rerouted off his stride, and the ref would have been forced to call a foul. Since LeBron is so strong, he is supposed to play through it. Fine. Blame me all you want - two people have already pointed out this whole stretch of tough losses started when the blog came back. Just remember: I was the one who got LeBron here with the reverse jinx this summer. Performance in close games is absolutely random, but not this - this is very real. Talk about Wade, or Riley, or The Decision all you want - we all know LeBron would still be in Cleveland if I hadn't said he was not welcome here. Blame me for today if you want, I accept that. Live by the jinx; die by the jinx!
5) Can we take one positive out of this game? Chris Bosh played very well. He didn't just play well, but he played with some purpose, and even a dash of aggression. He was 9-14 for 23 points, and was solid defensively, with a lot of successful contests. Spo put him in the post early, which people have been crying for now for weeks - just to give the defense something else to look at. Against Boozer, in particular, it was a mismatch - Boozer isn't long enough to play him down there. I thought they got away from that in the second half - should have kept pounding it in there to him until Chicago showed they could stop it. If anything good came out of this game, maybe it was that. Guaranteed the jinx is coming: look for an absolute sleepwalk by Chris Tuesday against Portland! Although, now that I wrote that, how do you know I have not reverse double-jinxed him right back in to a good game - you don't!
6) From time to time, my travels will take me into Palm Beach. For those of you not from here, West Palm Beach is for the gully kids, like me, while Palm Beach is for the hoity-toity, high fallutin' set, like the Kennedys, people who own multi-national corporations, and Thor, who once went on a "camping trip" across America in his Lexus SUV. Still, as we all know, I am chameleon-like, a man who can survive in any social situation due to my rakish charm, lanky good looks, and insouciant attitude. Not too sure what "insouciant" means, by the way - I've finished two more whiskey sours while I've been writing...So when a recent trip took me to Palm Beach one morning, I was feeling good, and appropriately dressed in a nice suit, and I walked into the office where I had an appointment, and the very nice Palm Beach type lady greeted me, and asked if if I would like some coffee. Of course, I did not , since coffee is vile. But in this case, I didn't point that out, just politely declined. The lady kind of gave me a closer inspection, the proverbial "once over," if you will, and then goes, "Ahh - you really do look like more of a tea drinker." So I punched her in the fuckin' face. The end.
See you on Tuesday, when we will probably lose to Portland on either a technical foul due to an illegal substitution, or when Portland's backup point guard punts an 80 footer in to the basket at the buzzer. Will be a tough loss in spite of Chris Bosh's triple-reversed-up-re-jinx outstanding performance. See you then, you all hear?
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1) Oh my heavens! Fourth straight loss, all of them excruciating in one fashion or another. Miami falls two games behind the Bulls in the standings - and the schedule is staying tough. For awhile. I'm a few whiskey sours into my "late afternoon" already - the new drink du jour in Casa Dos. Let's Go and Let's Get it!
2) Miami took a two point lead with 20 seconds to go on successive Mario Chalmers hoops (!), including a triple with the shot clock winding down. On the ensuing Bulls possession, Luol Deng drove the lane against pressure, took a bump, and missed a shot - awarded two free throws. Fine. He made the first and missed the second. On the ensuing scrum for the loose ball, Erick Dampier extricated himself from a Joakim Noah death grip to come up with the ball. The whistle blew, and the Heat bench celebrated, thinking Noah had been called for a foul, and Miami was going to retain possession. Yet somehow official Tony Brothers - who struggled all game - called a foul away from the ball on Mike Miller, who bumped Deng as both reached for the ball. By the way, Deng shouldn't have even been in the lane - he left early. Brothers gave two more free throws to Deng, who made them both. Heat down one, 15 seconds to go...
3) ...and predictably, LeBron went strong to the rim, got his right arm pulled off the ball by Joakim Noah in an obvious foul, and missed a runner with his left hand. Obviously, he got free throws, right? I mean Deng just got four at the other end. Ummm, no, no free throws - ballgame over. That's a tough way to lose. The Heat are inventing new, brutal ways to lose games now - four free throws to the same guy in the span of .8 of a second on one end, and then a more egregious foul not called on the other end - it's frustrating. They don't "deserve" to win, they aren't "due" to win, it's nothing like that. It is this: if you play enough close games, and all these losses are close losses to good teams, you will eventually win games. There is no correlation to being a good team and winning or losing close games - study after study after study shows this. Bad teams win close games at about the same rate good teams do - it is the blowouts that separate them, record-wise. And from one year to the next, teams do not sustain success or failure in close games. They just don't - it's random. Does it feel random right now, the way Miami keeps losing these games? No, it does not. But it is. Which, actually, only makes it more frustrating!!!
4) Someone, for sure, is going to point out that just last blog I pointed out that LeBron is expected to play through contact that other players are awarded free throws for, and that tonight's game was decided when Deng shot four free throws to LeBron's none, on exactly the type of play we were talking about...If Noah grabs almost any other wing in the league on that last drive, the guy is going to be rerouted off his stride, and the ref would have been forced to call a foul. Since LeBron is so strong, he is supposed to play through it. Fine. Blame me all you want - two people have already pointed out this whole stretch of tough losses started when the blog came back. Just remember: I was the one who got LeBron here with the reverse jinx this summer. Performance in close games is absolutely random, but not this - this is very real. Talk about Wade, or Riley, or The Decision all you want - we all know LeBron would still be in Cleveland if I hadn't said he was not welcome here. Blame me for today if you want, I accept that. Live by the jinx; die by the jinx!
5) Can we take one positive out of this game? Chris Bosh played very well. He didn't just play well, but he played with some purpose, and even a dash of aggression. He was 9-14 for 23 points, and was solid defensively, with a lot of successful contests. Spo put him in the post early, which people have been crying for now for weeks - just to give the defense something else to look at. Against Boozer, in particular, it was a mismatch - Boozer isn't long enough to play him down there. I thought they got away from that in the second half - should have kept pounding it in there to him until Chicago showed they could stop it. If anything good came out of this game, maybe it was that. Guaranteed the jinx is coming: look for an absolute sleepwalk by Chris Tuesday against Portland! Although, now that I wrote that, how do you know I have not reverse double-jinxed him right back in to a good game - you don't!
6) From time to time, my travels will take me into Palm Beach. For those of you not from here, West Palm Beach is for the gully kids, like me, while Palm Beach is for the hoity-toity, high fallutin' set, like the Kennedys, people who own multi-national corporations, and Thor, who once went on a "camping trip" across America in his Lexus SUV. Still, as we all know, I am chameleon-like, a man who can survive in any social situation due to my rakish charm, lanky good looks, and insouciant attitude. Not too sure what "insouciant" means, by the way - I've finished two more whiskey sours while I've been writing...So when a recent trip took me to Palm Beach one morning, I was feeling good, and appropriately dressed in a nice suit, and I walked into the office where I had an appointment, and the very nice Palm Beach type lady greeted me, and asked if if I would like some coffee. Of course, I did not , since coffee is vile. But in this case, I didn't point that out, just politely declined. The lady kind of gave me a closer inspection, the proverbial "once over," if you will, and then goes, "Ahh - you really do look like more of a tea drinker." So I punched her in the fuckin' face. The end.
See you on Tuesday, when we will probably lose to Portland on either a technical foul due to an illegal substitution, or when Portland's backup point guard punts an 80 footer in to the basket at the buzzer. Will be a tough loss in spite of Chris Bosh's triple-reversed-up-re-jinx outstanding performance. See you then, you all hear?
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Friday, March 4, 2011
Spurs 125 Heat 95
6 Thoughts
1) You lose a 24 point lead at home to your instate rival in the most embarrassing manner possible. You shower, leave the locker room, and get on a plane for an 'x' hour flight to San Antonio - I've never been there, I don't know how long the flight is. I think it's in Texas somewhere. You get in at 5 in the morning. You get some sleep - Ilgauskas probably keeps your whole floor up with some kind of deviated septum problem - wake, eat, get to the arena for your game against the San Antonio Spurs, who have the best record in basketball by seven games, and haven't lost at home since November. Ten minutes into the first quarter, Wade and LeBron each have two fouls - all on the offensive end of the court! - and the Spurs have made 8 - eight! - threes, and you're down 24. The game is over, the short road trip is over, the media and fans are going to get on your case some more, and you've soiled Ascot Friday. I'm glad I'm at home - all I have to do is finish up this stupid blog, and I can hit the sheets. I've got a nice little Friday night planned, I'm going to have another drink, maybe a little booty-booty - not too sure yet, not sure I'm going to have time...Let's Go!
2) The game was boring - essentially Miami looked exhausted and the Spurs made a ridiculous 17-28 threes. Let's cover a couple of bigger picture items. Here at 2, LeBron's foul issue. In 3, we'll cover the general discontent swirling around the team, and its future prospects. In 4, we'll make a Chris Bosh joke, and in 5 we'll cover some divisiveness in the locker room. Down at number 6, reader mail. Got it?...Okay, for the seven years previous to this one, Dos reader Dirk, a Cavaliers fan, used to incessantly complain that if LeBron got the same favorable treatment from the referees that Dwyane Wade consistently received, he'd shoot 35 free throws a game. I laughed then; but no one is laughing now. Dirk was right. LeBron is refereed differently than any other wing in the league. On his trips to the rim, he is expected to constantly play through blows that would instantly be called fouls if they occurred against less physical players. In tonight's latest example, in the second quarter LeBron had a clean run out with only the Spurs Matt Bonner (a dorky 6'10" white guy) back in transition. As LeBron got beneath the free throw line, he swerved around the (mostly) motionless Bonner, who responded by reaching out and lassoing LeBron up high with both arms from behind, spinning him all the way around - while he was on the dead run - resulting in LeBron just flinging the ball up over his head in frustration...and it went in! Still - it was borderline ejectable, certainly a flagrant 1, at a minimum. Flagrant fouls are for unnecessary contact - there is never really a reason to grab a guy in full flight from behind and spin him around. It is dangerous, it's cheap, and it's dumb - and none of this is a knock on Matt Bonner. He didn't do it on purpose, the play just happened too quickly for him. Incredibly - or not so incredibly if you watch LeBron play every night - no flagrant was called...A quarter later, little French and adulterous Spurs point guard Tony Parker drove the lane against Miami, elevated for a layup, and got half-heartedly shoved in the back by Heat center Screen du Jour, aka Erick Dampier, who had clearly had enough of the night. Parker, who weighs less than 200 pounds, went flying, and before he hit the ground, Dampier had been ejected. His play wasn't any more egregious than Bonner's - you could certainly argue it was less so - Parker saw the hit coming, unlike LeBron who simply got whiplashed from his blindside. LeBron himself went right over to the refereeing crew after Dampier's ejection and, correctly, made that point to them himself. Whatever - it didn't affect the outcome of the game, and Miami has Wade, who does get as many calls as any wing in the league. But to the degree I can feel badly for a 260 pound freakish athlete with a severe lack of self-awareness, I feel bad for LeBron when plays like that happen. He's like Shaq in his prime - referees treat him differently than they treat everyone else, and I am sure it is frustrating for him.
3) So, of course, the Heat blew a 24 point lead to Orlando last night, and everyone blew a gasket. Has Miami played as well as people expected this season? No. But to keep things in their proper perspective, they are still tied with Chicago for the second best record in the East, three games behind Boston, and they have played 3 more road games than Chicago, and 5
more than Boston. It is frustrating because they have lost three tough games to the Celtics, and two tough games to Chicago - yes, you want to win those games. No, they do not match up particularly well against those teams. Yes, they do seem to have a habit of playing hard to start games, building a lead, then relaxing and letting the other team back in it. It is all true. Do I think they would beat the Celtics in a series if the playoffs started today? No, I do not - and I don't think they will beat them in May, either, if they get through Chicago or Orlando. But either way, that's what they have to be judged on. Either they are going to play consistently harder, and a little more efficiently, and have a chance to win those series; or, they are not, and they are going to lose. As aggravating as the Orlando loss was - and it was aggravating to me, and the eight hundred people who emailed me, too - it ultimately doesn't mean anything (although, as my therapist says, it is okay to have feelings!). Let's wait until April and May, and let it all play out...
4) ...and then we can complain, because we all already know how it is going to end, don't we? On the next to last possession of the season, Boston is going to have the ball, Miami is going to need a stop, and Paul Pierce is going to miss a contested step back jumper over LeBron. Bosh is going to grab the rebound...only to have Baby Davis rip it out of his hands and lay it back up and in. Out of timeouts, Miami is going to rush the other way, needing a three, with LeBron pushing it up, and he's going to get a moving screen up top from Mike Miller that sends Pierce flopping to the floor giving LeBron a brief window for an open look at it, but he will hesitate ever so slightly, allowing Kevin Garnett to get in his airspace, causing LeBron to come up slightly short, and wide to the left. Ballgame over, season over. I don't know if it is going to be game 6, or game 7, or whatever, or in Boston or Miami - all I know is Baby Davis is going to rip the ball out of Bosh's hands and lay it back in. How do I know that? Charlie Sheen closed his eyes and made it so...
5) Okay, now to the important stuff. As we all know, as we have talked about all season, of all the things that LeBron James loves in life, the three things he loves best are: one, getting to the bench first to sit down for timeouts; two, dribbling the basketball while everybody watches him; three, telling people on twitter to "Let's Go!" Right now, it is the last of those three items which is the potential problem. It has recently come to the attention of Dos Minutos that Dwyane Wade's longtime girlfriend, actress Gabrielle Union, has, on her new twitter account, been exhorting people to "Let's Get It!" Look, this is fucking bananas - we have enough quote-unquote phantom "alpha dog" issues between LeBron and Dwyane already. People spend 3,000 word columns worrying about, "Is it LeBron's team - orrrrrr, is it Dwyane's team, blah de blah, blah, blah" already - we can't also have LeBron telling his people to "Let's Go," and Gabrielle and Dwyane telling people to "Let's Get It." It's not going to fly. We have to decide on one of the two, or maybe just combine them in to a "Let's Go Get It" type of situation...
6) Reader mail! Dos reader Darren emails in to ask: "How is The Captain's `troubled white man' beard doing? Is he still growing it? Also, did you see that your super-Christian man-crush Tim Tebow is growing a beard? What do you think he is troubled about?" ... First of all, Darren, thanks for reading and inquiring about The Captain's beard. Yes, he is still growing it, and it looks terrific. Second of all, how dare you: Tim Tebow would never have troubles of any type! He's freakin' Tim Tebow! What the hell is wrong with you - what are you, some kind of clown? Never write to us again...
We are back on Sunday, with another 'showdown' game against the Bulls...and the schedule doesn't get any easier after that - following games are Portland, then Lakers, then Memphis, then Spurs again!...this is a tough-ass stretch...Let's Try To Go And Let's Get It (or something)! And Don't Do No Drugs!!!
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1) You lose a 24 point lead at home to your instate rival in the most embarrassing manner possible. You shower, leave the locker room, and get on a plane for an 'x' hour flight to San Antonio - I've never been there, I don't know how long the flight is. I think it's in Texas somewhere. You get in at 5 in the morning. You get some sleep - Ilgauskas probably keeps your whole floor up with some kind of deviated septum problem - wake, eat, get to the arena for your game against the San Antonio Spurs, who have the best record in basketball by seven games, and haven't lost at home since November. Ten minutes into the first quarter, Wade and LeBron each have two fouls - all on the offensive end of the court! - and the Spurs have made 8 - eight! - threes, and you're down 24. The game is over, the short road trip is over, the media and fans are going to get on your case some more, and you've soiled Ascot Friday. I'm glad I'm at home - all I have to do is finish up this stupid blog, and I can hit the sheets. I've got a nice little Friday night planned, I'm going to have another drink, maybe a little booty-booty - not too sure yet, not sure I'm going to have time...Let's Go!
2) The game was boring - essentially Miami looked exhausted and the Spurs made a ridiculous 17-28 threes. Let's cover a couple of bigger picture items. Here at 2, LeBron's foul issue. In 3, we'll cover the general discontent swirling around the team, and its future prospects. In 4, we'll make a Chris Bosh joke, and in 5 we'll cover some divisiveness in the locker room. Down at number 6, reader mail. Got it?...Okay, for the seven years previous to this one, Dos reader Dirk, a Cavaliers fan, used to incessantly complain that if LeBron got the same favorable treatment from the referees that Dwyane Wade consistently received, he'd shoot 35 free throws a game. I laughed then; but no one is laughing now. Dirk was right. LeBron is refereed differently than any other wing in the league. On his trips to the rim, he is expected to constantly play through blows that would instantly be called fouls if they occurred against less physical players. In tonight's latest example, in the second quarter LeBron had a clean run out with only the Spurs Matt Bonner (a dorky 6'10" white guy) back in transition. As LeBron got beneath the free throw line, he swerved around the (mostly) motionless Bonner, who responded by reaching out and lassoing LeBron up high with both arms from behind, spinning him all the way around - while he was on the dead run - resulting in LeBron just flinging the ball up over his head in frustration...and it went in! Still - it was borderline ejectable, certainly a flagrant 1, at a minimum. Flagrant fouls are for unnecessary contact - there is never really a reason to grab a guy in full flight from behind and spin him around. It is dangerous, it's cheap, and it's dumb - and none of this is a knock on Matt Bonner. He didn't do it on purpose, the play just happened too quickly for him. Incredibly - or not so incredibly if you watch LeBron play every night - no flagrant was called...A quarter later, little French and adulterous Spurs point guard Tony Parker drove the lane against Miami, elevated for a layup, and got half-heartedly shoved in the back by Heat center Screen du Jour, aka Erick Dampier, who had clearly had enough of the night. Parker, who weighs less than 200 pounds, went flying, and before he hit the ground, Dampier had been ejected. His play wasn't any more egregious than Bonner's - you could certainly argue it was less so - Parker saw the hit coming, unlike LeBron who simply got whiplashed from his blindside. LeBron himself went right over to the refereeing crew after Dampier's ejection and, correctly, made that point to them himself. Whatever - it didn't affect the outcome of the game, and Miami has Wade, who does get as many calls as any wing in the league. But to the degree I can feel badly for a 260 pound freakish athlete with a severe lack of self-awareness, I feel bad for LeBron when plays like that happen. He's like Shaq in his prime - referees treat him differently than they treat everyone else, and I am sure it is frustrating for him.
3) So, of course, the Heat blew a 24 point lead to Orlando last night, and everyone blew a gasket. Has Miami played as well as people expected this season? No. But to keep things in their proper perspective, they are still tied with Chicago for the second best record in the East, three games behind Boston, and they have played 3 more road games than Chicago, and 5
more than Boston. It is frustrating because they have lost three tough games to the Celtics, and two tough games to Chicago - yes, you want to win those games. No, they do not match up particularly well against those teams. Yes, they do seem to have a habit of playing hard to start games, building a lead, then relaxing and letting the other team back in it. It is all true. Do I think they would beat the Celtics in a series if the playoffs started today? No, I do not - and I don't think they will beat them in May, either, if they get through Chicago or Orlando. But either way, that's what they have to be judged on. Either they are going to play consistently harder, and a little more efficiently, and have a chance to win those series; or, they are not, and they are going to lose. As aggravating as the Orlando loss was - and it was aggravating to me, and the eight hundred people who emailed me, too - it ultimately doesn't mean anything (although, as my therapist says, it is okay to have feelings!). Let's wait until April and May, and let it all play out...
4) ...and then we can complain, because we all already know how it is going to end, don't we? On the next to last possession of the season, Boston is going to have the ball, Miami is going to need a stop, and Paul Pierce is going to miss a contested step back jumper over LeBron. Bosh is going to grab the rebound...only to have Baby Davis rip it out of his hands and lay it back up and in. Out of timeouts, Miami is going to rush the other way, needing a three, with LeBron pushing it up, and he's going to get a moving screen up top from Mike Miller that sends Pierce flopping to the floor giving LeBron a brief window for an open look at it, but he will hesitate ever so slightly, allowing Kevin Garnett to get in his airspace, causing LeBron to come up slightly short, and wide to the left. Ballgame over, season over. I don't know if it is going to be game 6, or game 7, or whatever, or in Boston or Miami - all I know is Baby Davis is going to rip the ball out of Bosh's hands and lay it back in. How do I know that? Charlie Sheen closed his eyes and made it so...
5) Okay, now to the important stuff. As we all know, as we have talked about all season, of all the things that LeBron James loves in life, the three things he loves best are: one, getting to the bench first to sit down for timeouts; two, dribbling the basketball while everybody watches him; three, telling people on twitter to "Let's Go!" Right now, it is the last of those three items which is the potential problem. It has recently come to the attention of Dos Minutos that Dwyane Wade's longtime girlfriend, actress Gabrielle Union, has, on her new twitter account, been exhorting people to "Let's Get It!" Look, this is fucking bananas - we have enough quote-unquote phantom "alpha dog" issues between LeBron and Dwyane already. People spend 3,000 word columns worrying about, "Is it LeBron's team - orrrrrr, is it Dwyane's team, blah de blah, blah, blah" already - we can't also have LeBron telling his people to "Let's Go," and Gabrielle and Dwyane telling people to "Let's Get It." It's not going to fly. We have to decide on one of the two, or maybe just combine them in to a "Let's Go Get It" type of situation...
6) Reader mail! Dos reader Darren emails in to ask: "How is The Captain's `troubled white man' beard doing? Is he still growing it? Also, did you see that your super-Christian man-crush Tim Tebow is growing a beard? What do you think he is troubled about?" ... First of all, Darren, thanks for reading and inquiring about The Captain's beard. Yes, he is still growing it, and it looks terrific. Second of all, how dare you: Tim Tebow would never have troubles of any type! He's freakin' Tim Tebow! What the hell is wrong with you - what are you, some kind of clown? Never write to us again...
We are back on Sunday, with another 'showdown' game against the Bulls...and the schedule doesn't get any easier after that - following games are Portland, then Lakers, then Memphis, then Spurs again!...this is a tough-ass stretch...Let's Try To Go And Let's Get It (or something)! And Don't Do No Drugs!!!
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