Heat 103 Hawks 90

6 Thoughts

1) This could have been another pedestrian, sloppy, first-game-back-from-the-All-Stars slogfest, but instead it turned out to be a great night in a lot of ways.  The Heat were atrocious for three quarters, then exploded to win the fourth quarter 40-17...The Knicks got hammered in Indiana, so Miami has a 5 game lead in the Eastern Conference standings, for what it's worth.  They have been second the last couple of years and still made it to the Finals, so it's probably not worth much...Oklahoma City lost in Houston (James Harden with an all-time "I hate what you did to me" game: 46 points!), and now, for all the complaining Heat fans do about Miami ("why can't we rebound," "Dwyane Wade doesn't run back on defense," "Chris Bosh plays defense like a statue"), the Heat have passed the Thunder, and now have the second best record in the NBA, behind only the Spurs....Finally, tonight ended an era, as the most Hawk-y Hawk of all, Josh Smith, probably played his last game for Atlanta.  He's almost assuredly getting traded tomorrow.  Glad we got to see his last game in the ATL, and it was vintage...We're heading down the home stretch now, kids, but Mike Mil-lar was out with the flu, so we can not let it fly...leggo!

2) Listen, let's be honest: the Hawks are not the most difficult team to trick.  There's a fairly decent chance that if you set a screen off the ball, or make a cut to the rim, or even simply drive-and-kick, someone on their defense is going to get lost.  Sometimes it might be Josh Smith, sometimes it might be DeShawn Stevenson, or Jeff Teague (it probably won't be Al Horford - AL HORFORD!) - in the end, does it matter which guy it is?  For three quarters Miami didn't do any of that, and they trailed by 10.  Cue the crafty old dudes for what one tweeter called "some basketry!"  The fourth quarter started: corner triple by Shane Battier; Ray Allen sealing Korver on the block for a layup-and-1; Battier corner triple; Ray backdoor layup on a 25 foot, one bounce laser from Battioke - a couple of minutes into the quarter they already had the lead, all on crafty old dudes making crafty-old-dude plays!  And it never stopped: Dwyane Wade (20 points) and KJ James (24 points, 11 dimes, 6 rebounds, 4 steals) started posting at the elbow, and letting Battioke and Ray sneak around and find cracks in the Hawks defense.  Battioke finished 5-8 on triples and scored 17 (and frustrated Josh Smith on the defensive end), and Ray scored 13 in the fourth to finish with 15 in the game.  Overall, 13 assists on 14 buckets in the fourth quarter for the Heat - that's crazy ball movement.  On a night where Miami was mostly brutal on offense, and KJ and Dwyane never really dominated, they still scored 103.  When those shooters make shots, man...

3) There are certain cities Miami goes to where the crowd isn't exactly intimidating.  And by "isn't exactly intimidating," I mean, "most people are rooting for the Heat."  It happens when they play the Nets, it happens when play Charlotte, but most of all, it happens when they play Atlanta.  It was an overwhelmingly vocal crowd in favor of the Heat - M.Minutos was out of the room during part of the Heat fourth quarter run, heard the crowd roaring, and thought the Heat were getting blown out until she re-entered the room and remembered, "oh yeah - it's Atlanta: Miami's on a run!"  After the game, Heat sideline reporter, the glorious Jason Jackson, noted the abundance of Heat fans in the Hawks' building to Shane Battier, who laughed and agreed: "Yeah, the crowd was great!"  That reminds me, you know who should go to Atlanta?  Dwight Howard.  No one there cares too much about basketball; he won't have the hot spotlight on him for every dumb thing he says or does (and that's a lot of things); he's from there, so if there is anyone left in America who likes him, you would figure they live in that city; they have a couple of decent players; and if he gets healthy and makes them relevant after all these (wonderfully) mediocre years, he'll be a hero.  It's so perfect that there is absolutely no way his serial-bad-decision-making self will figure it out.  In fact, it makes so much sense that it is probably the one place on Earth that we can unequivocally rule out.

4) Ode to Josh Smith: no one loves the Hawks the last few years like I have loved the Hawks.  They have had a motley collection of half-interested, talented dudes (Josh Smith, Joe Johnson); a huge lottery bust (Marvin Williams); a youtube icon (Al Horford, from the sock Steven A Smith videos - AL HORFORD!); and, of course, one of the greatest superstars this league has ever seen, Mike Bibby, who once spent an entire seven game playoff series against the Heat engaging in a perimeter slap-fest with then-Heat rookie Mario Chalmers - you know, the guy who turned out to be Almario Vernard "Emcee" Chalmers!  It was an interesting group of kids - good enough to give you a game, but not good enough to beat a good team in a playoff series, and year-after-year they would get bounced in the second round of a fairly top-heavy Eastern Conference.  But the Hawks have been systematically dismantling that group the last year or two, and Josh Smith was one of the last ones standing.  And, really, the most interesting of all - he has gifts that most 6'10" guys don't have: he's coordinated, he's a willing and good passer; he's a good shot-blocker.  He does everything well, as someone said tonight, but the one thing he doesn't do well, shoot from the perimeter, that's the thing he loves to do the most!  There is no sound in the NBA like when Josh Smith catches the ball out on the wing in Atlanta, looks at the basket, nobody from the other team even remotely runs at him, the two hundred people actually rooting for the Hawks start going "nooooooo," and then, after a long pause like everyone is frozen in time, launches an iron-clanging moonball off the bracket attaching the rim to the backboard.  M.Minutos said it best tonight: nothing anyone else says or does affects him one iota, not the other team, not his own team, not the coaches, not the refs.  Josh Smith is gonna do the things that a Josh Smith does, and what a Josh Smith brings.  And it is always fun to watch, he's one of my all-time favorites.  He's gonna be traded tomorrow and tonight, fittingly, was a classic Josh Smith game: he made some great passes (9 assists), and some terrible ones (5 turnovers).  He had 9 rebounds, but got lost a lot on defense - he couldn't figure out to stay spaced out to the Heat shooters, he always sagged to the paint, and Miami made 10-23 threes, 5 by his guy.  He scored 10 points on 5-13 from the floor, including 1-8 from outside the paint, and 0-4 from the three point line, despite a guy 4 inches shorter than him guarding him all night.  I felt like that was a shame, I would have liked to see him hit one triple on his way out the door, that stunk.  Let it be noted that pretty much his last play as an Atlanta Hawk came with time running down in another not-too-close loss to a team that is simply a little better, when he drove the lane, nobody played defense because the game was over, he came to a jump stop with nobody around him whatsoever, and then the ball simply went flying out of his hands to the Heat.  He'll get traded tomorrow to the Nets, or Celtics, or Bucks, or someone, and Miami will beat that team in the second round of the playoffs, just like always happens to Josh Smith, but it won't ever be the same.  The Hawks are the Hawks no more - it will never be the same.  Bon Voyage, Josh Smith, good luck in your new home.  Can't wait to see you again.  Don't forget your handbands!
 
5) Big feud swirling around the Heat right now, rapper Lil Wayne is mad at us...again. Famously, a couple of years ago he came to a Heat game in New Orleans - the day he got out of prison, I might add, though I'm sure it was a bum rap - and Dwyane and KJ did not say hi to him because they were, you know, busy playing basketball, and he got very angry. That hasn't really stopped him from coming to Heat games since then, but when he does, he roots for the other team - ha! He was ejected from the Heat-Lakers game last week because Heat fans were mocking him, and he turned around and pantomimed a shooting motion with his finger at one of them. Not satisfied with that, a few days later he claimed that he was banned from All-Star Weekend in Houston because he slept with Chris Bosh's wife.   The most surprising thing about this claim is that someone believes that Chris Bosh has enough pull to get anyone banned from anything! So now they are feuding…Oh, no -not Lil Wayne and Chris Bosh - Chris Bosh could care less, he is trying to win a championship…Lil Wayne is feuding with septuagenarian Heat color commentator Tony Fiorentino!

 
@MrVermaMoney: I don't like Lil Wayne taking shots at the heat and calling out Chris Bosh wife.

 
Tony Fiorentino‏@TonyHEAT2xWC: Lil who?

 
Yeahhh, Tony! Gansta-up, boyyy!

Epilogue: around the time of the game, people reported that Lil Wayne went on the radio to apologize to KJ and the city of Miami, and to say that the only person on the Heat that he was actually mad at was Dwyane Wade, since during the Laker game, Dwyane said "fuck you," to him.  Good job, Dwyane...

6) Worst possible outcome of the Blade Runner murder case: that it wasn't Oscar Blade Runner (Hubie-ism) who killed this woman, but actually another all-time great South African athlete, golfer Gary Player, who won the Masters golf tournament three times in the 1960s and 70s:

 


Eyes of a killer...

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The Heat have won 8 in a row, but have a game tomorrow night in Chicago.  There's no worse team to play on a road back-to-back than Chicago, since they take every game so seriously.  Nerds.  If you need me before tomorrow, I won't be playing golf, I can assure you that.  See you in Chicago!

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Heat 110 Thunder 100

6 Thoughts

1) Rematch of last year's Finals and this season's Christmas Day game...annnnd, STILLLL HEAVYWEIGHHTTT CHAMPIONS OF THE WORRRLLLDDD, THE MI-AM-I HEAAAATTTT!!!  We ruined Russell Westbrook's summer, we ruined his Christmas, and now we ruined his Valentines Day!  How sweet it is!  C'mon, c'mon: leggo!  Let it fly!!!

2) This was an absolute knockout from beginning to end, Miami went deep into the heart of Texas, or Arkansas, or wherever Oklahoma City is, and blew the Thunder off the court.  Kevin Durant tacked on 22 points in garbage time - which was the entire fourth quarter - to make the final score appear closer than the game actually was.  It's just one game, of course, except that now Miami has beaten OKC in "just one game" six straight times, and two of the last three have been total blowouts.  And we didn't even have to use Mike Miller tonight, it never became necessary - he's for big games only!...We've said this so many times, in so many ways: the biggest problem for OKC is that KJ James can handle Kevin Durant a little bit defensively.  No one can stop Kevin Durant.  But KJ can make him work - Durant missed his first 7 shots tonight and Miami blew out to a double digit lead that they would never really relinquish.  But on the other end, Durant, who is a very good defender, can't really handle KJ.  Durant got two early fouls again tonight - a theme when they play Miami - and to be honest, KJ didn't really even have to work too hard tonight, he didn't go to his "playoff" offense, his mid-post game.  He never needed to - he stood up top and made jumpers, and found open shooters.  In 40 calm, focused minutes, he scored 39 points on 14-24, and had 12 rebounds, and 7 assists.  He made a 30 foot triple.  He had a ridiculous late-shot-clock-out-of-bounds-play-step-to-the-rim-and-slam-the-lob.  He had an offensive rebound and putback where his headband got knocked off, but no foul was called.  Any time OKC even remotely threatened to make a move back into the game, KJ made a play and squelched it.  Kevin Durant is great, he's easily the second best player in the league.  But KJ James is better.  Not only that: KJ James has more hair!  I see you, Kevin Durant, just cuz you got a dark skull doesn't mean I can't see that shine coming through on the top of yo' head!  KJ may be receding back, but you are getting patchy all over.  Shave it off, boy, SHAVE IT OFF!!!

3) After KJ James, the next biggest problem for OKC in this matchup is that every time they play, Chris Bosh decides to play defense.  It's like he saves all his defensive energy for two regular season games, plus however long the Finals go (it's tough to see anyone but these two teams matching up again this year).  Chris had 12 rebounds, which is usually about a week and a half's worth for him, and a lot of them were effort rebounds in traffic.  He had 2 steals.  He blocked a Serge Ibaka dunk, and he blocked two layups by the unbelievably unlikable Russell Westbrook.  Hey, Furious Boy, Happy Valentines Day: Chris Bosh just kissed two of your layups into the eighth row!...Bosh also drew a charge on Durant, who along with Wesbrook probably would have fouled out halfway through the third quarter if the refs hadn't taken mercy on OKC (more on that in #4).  Chris played with tremendous energy on the defensive end - he was the biggest reason OKC shot 44% from the floor (and a lot of those buckets were giveaways late).  Not only that, but he took apart anyone OKC threw at him: Ibaka, Perkins, Collison (black dudes, white dudes - it didn't matter), and finished 10-14 for 20 points, including a dunk at the halftime buzzer on a fantastic inbounds play where he darted across the lane, sealed his guy on his hip, caught a 40 foot inbounds pass, and quickly flushed it to put Miami up 17 at half.  I mean, you watch him night in and night out, and I think it is fair to say that he does not always bring it.  But when he brings it, not a lot of guys can get to his level, and certainly not Serge Ibaka, who scored 6 points and had 6 rebounds.  Bosh is Miami's third best player; Ibaka is OKC's third best player now that James Harden is gone.  If Bosh continues to outplay Ibaka this badly, it's going to be tough for OKC to beat Miami in a series.

4) Play of the game: probably in the first half when TNT announcer Steve Kerr claimed that "these fans remind me of Utah."  Haaa!!!  Yes!!! Very, very white; very, very angry; and not very knowledgeable about basketball!!!  As Miami was beginning to blow OKC off its own floor in the second quarter, Kevin Durant and the rest of the Thunder lost their cool a little bit.  It happens.  Durant slapped the floor and got a technical (very weak technical by the way), and then went hurtling blindly and recklessly for an offensive rebound into Chris Birdman's back (Hubie-ism), and took a hard fall.  If anything, it was a foul on Durant, and the refs called nothing, but the crowd went bananas, coming very strong with a creative "refs, you suck" chant!  It was a heightened atmosphere for a few moments there, I'm not gonna lie - I felt a little worried for the refs, and especially Danny Crawford and Sean Corbin.  Draw your own conclusions why.  Crawford and Corbin, and their buddy Kevin Fehr (balder than both KJ and KD, for the record), responded by instantly calling about 12 straight fouls on Miami to try to ease the tension.  That's life in the NBA - you get up big on the road, and the crowd gets angry, you know a bunch of calls are going the other way (it was that way all night, OKC shot 34 free throws to Miami's 22, and a bunch of Miami's were intentional fouls at the end - OKC shot twice as many, essentially).  As a fan, you understand it, but it's frustrating...but as the camera panned the Heat bench, there they were smiling and laughing, having a grand old time - they couldn't have looked more relaxed!  The fans were flipping out, Durant and Westbrook were flipping out, the refs were flipping out, but KJ, Battier, Dwyane, et al - they were just laughing.  It's not their first time at the rodeo, you know?
 
5) Look, we all have mixed feelings about Chris Bosh. Some times, like tonight, he is absolutely terrific - it is hard to imagine the Heat could have won the championship last year without his outstanding defense and overall effort in the latter stages of the playoffs. At other times, he seems passive, disengaged, and a little loopy, annnd plays defense like a statue. But no one's feelings about Chris Bosh are quite as mixed as The Captain's. Here is what he told me one day this week at Dos Minutos International Headquarters:

 
"I had a dream last night and you were in it! We were at a waterpark, and we were walking around, going on rides, and then we went to the locker room to take showers. I was showering in an individual shower stall, with only a curtain drawn across the door. You know how sometimes you get the feeling someone is watching you? All of a sudden I got that feeling, I could feel someone was watching me, and I could sense that the person was very, very tall. I look over, and it's Chris Bosh standing there, looking at me. He was wearing his "red hot" uniform that the Heat have been wearing lately. I kind of understood to get out of the stall so that he could shower, and then I sat in the locker room waiting for another shower to open up. What do you think about that?"

 
Ahh, seems perfectly normal, I wouldn't worry about it at all. Your hour's up, see you next week. Please take care of your co-pay with the receptionist on the way out…

 

6) This is one of my favorite rap songs of recent years. Surprising, too. I mean we all know what a great rapper Nas is, but who knew Adam Duritz from the Counting Crows could spit it like this? Check it out:


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Big, big, BIG doings this weekend: Mario Chalmers' jersey gets retired at the University of Kansas!  Oh yeah, I think it's also All-Star Weekend...that means this blog is on vacation!  We don't play again until next Wednesday in the ATL.  If you need me before then, I'm not sure what I will be doing, but I can absolutely promise you that it will not involve either waterparks, or The Captain...Happy All-Stars, everybody! #Champs
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Heat 117 Blazers 104

6 Thoughts

1) Whoo-wee!  Who turned on the offense?  Goodness gracious!  This game seemed destined to be a little crazy during the pre-game introductions when most of the Heat team participated in some kind of ritualistic dance centered around some wild tribal bouncing by Chris "Birdman" Anderson during their intro song, the White Stripes "Seven Nation Army."  And it was wild, that was a shootout.  Dwyane Wade had 24 points, 9 rebounds, 7 assists, a steal, and 2 blocks (12, 5, and 4 in the 4th quarter)...and it was the worst game of the Big Three!  Both Miami and Portland led by double digits...in the first half!  Portland shot 53% from the floor...but Miami topped it with 58% from the floor!  And Mike Miller wasn't even available (flu)!  Zoooo-eeee-mama!  Let it fly!

2) KJ James: ridiculous again.  Portland tried to body him up with stocky Wes Matthews, and KJ took him to the post and annihilated him.  30 points on 11-15, with 6 boards, 9 assists, 3 steals, and 2 blocks (more on one of the blocks in a second).  He had several flying smash-dunks, one of which had Blazers coach Terry Stotts pleading with the referees for a hanging on the rim technical foul, as KJ swung himself up before dropping to earth.  Really, Terry Stotts?  That's what we're doing now?  Of all the girly complaints...That's 6 straight games of 30 or more for KJ, all on 60%+ from the field.  No one's ever done it before, and no one probably ever will again, unless Mike Bibby comes out of retirement (annnd, more on him down in #6)...Also, Chris Bosh was great tonight, it was one of his better games of the year: 32 points on 13-16, with 11 rebounds for CB.  Did I mention there wasn't a lot of defense tonight?

3) Play of the game: well, there was one defensive play, and it ended the game.  Down 6 with 3 minutes to go, and fighting to stay in it, Portland guard Damian Lillard, the presumptive Rookie of the Year, shook free at the top of the key and drove down the lane.  Lillard was spectacular in this game - 33 points on 10-18 - and it looked like he had a free layup to cut the lead to 4.  But out of nowhere flashed KJ James, who went up and tomahawk-spiked Lillard's shot off the glass, which sent Dwyane Wade out running the other direction.  Wade got into the lane, Eurostepped a Blazer, then suddenly spun and threw a pass back out to a trailing Mario Chalmers: triple, 9 point lead, ballgame!  This Lillard, though, holy smokes, does he look good.  Plays with a nice controlled pace, has a sweet handle, and a beautiful looking stroke.  He's only going to get better.  They got him with a draft pick acquired by trading Gerald Wallace to the Nets.  Gerald Wallace has since retired - oops, Nets.  Wait, what?  Oh - Gerald Wallace is still playing!  It just seemed like he retired because he was non-existent when the Heat played the Nets three times earlier this season!  Sorry, Gerald, I'm not myself today!   

4) Scrubbish Blazers backup power forward, the very, very white Luke Babbit, played a mostly forgettable 16 minutes in this one.  The only thing he really did of note was to plant himself in the lane defensively and never move, no matter what was going on around him.  It was like he had studied game film of Dwight Howard's virtuoso illegal-defense-for-the-ages performance in Miami this past Sunday.  During one stretch, every time down the court, Chris Bosh would space out to the wing, and point at Babbit's illegal position down in the paint, but the refs wouldn't call it.  Finally, on about the sixth straight possession, a ref did whistle him for it, and Babbit went slightly bezerk - he started pointed at the floor where he was standing, as if to say, "Right here - right here - this is right where Dwight Howard was standing Sunday, and you never called it!"  The refs all just kind of shrugged at him - he couldn't have been more blatantly illegal.  Dwight Howard, okay, he can be illegal.  White Howard?  No, we can't allow that...

5) Hey, peeps, Valentine's Day is fast approaching!  And if anyone out there has a former spouse who is a constant irritant, or an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend who is an absolute mouth-breather, M.Minutos located just the thing for you recently: Kevin Garnett and Derrick Rose Valentine's Day cards!

  
These are real Valentine's Day cards!  You are making a serious statement by giving someone one of these cards, I mean, you really have to hate someone to give them one of these!  For me, the only two dudes I hate enough to give these cards to, are actually these two dudes!  I guess it will have to be a hand-made coupon for one day where I do the dishes again for M.Minutos... 

6) Okay, this is an actual headline today from the USA Today website:

Cops eject Mike Bibby from son's high school hoops game

What?  This is an outrage!  How dare you, cops!  Apparently, he was criticising the terrible job the referees must have been doing - I know the feeling, that's how I feel every time KJ James goes to the basket and gets hammered with no foul being called.  Listen, if the refs are doing such a poor job that Mike Bibby has to try to intervene to help them, I'm pretty sure they are the problem, not Mike Bibby.  Here's some video of his dismissal:

I am 100% confident that when all the facts of the case are in, the evidence will show that Mike Bibby was completely in the right, and also that he was a top-5 all-time point guard in the NBA.  I mean, we are talking about a guy who almost singlehandedly beat the Miami Heat in the first round of the playoffs last year, while wearing only one shoe!!!


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Last game before the All-Star break is Thursday in Oklahoma City!  Believe that is somewhere in Texas.  Dwight Howard.  White Howard...Kendrick Perkins - Fight Howard!  Thank you - tip your waitresses, especially Terry Stotts!  If you need me before Thursday, I'll be having pre-Valentine's Day makeout sessions with M.Minutos!  Besitos!
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Heat 107 Lakers 97

6 Thoughts

1) For three quarters the Lakers played hard, moved the ball, and made a bunch of shots, but in the fourth quarter Miami got up into their perimeter players, turned them over, ran out, and KJ James dunked the ball on Steve Nash's head.  Repeatedly.  When that didn't work, Dwyane Wade ripped vintage 20 foot jumpers, 2006-style.  Too big, too strong, too fast, too athletic.  Weekend sweep of the Los Angeles teams!  I love L.A!  Leggo!

2) KJ James is so zen right now.  So, so zen.  Addressing his incredibly hot current run after Friday night's blowout of the Clippers, he shrugged and told Heat sideline reporter Jason Jackson, "when the defense backs off, I shoot the jumper; when they come out, I drive; if I see an open teammate, I pass the ball to him."  Oh!  It sounds so simple!  Sunday's game was a rare game when KJ was in foul trouble - he had to come out with his third foul with 3 minutes to go before halftime, and so he only played 36 minutes, a low number for him in a high profile matchup.  But he continued his staggering efficiency: 32 points on 12-18, 7 boards, 4 assists and 3 steals.  With the Heat struggling a bit late in the third quarter, mostly due to Dwight Howard sitting down in the paint defensively - the referees simply refused to call a defensive three seconds on him - twice in a row Ron Artest got up too close to KJ, and KJ blew by him.  The first time, Artest horse-collared him from behind - anyone else in the league falls backwards and Artest gets a flagrant - but KJ powered through him to the rim and finished for a three point play.  The second time he got fouled at the basket, earning two free throws.  He made the first, and missed the second, but Shane Battier slapped the rebound back out to him (after Joel Anthony tackled Artest in the scrum), and KJ calmly drained a triple.  Two trips down the court, 7 points: a layup, two free throws, and a triple.  It's just like that right now.  It's just like that.

3) As good as KJ was in this game, Dwyane Wade was just as good, and he took over the game late.  He had a massive third quarter dunk on Dwight Howard, and then, with the Lakers hanging around, and KJ on the bench to rest early in the fourth quarter, Wade stroked three consecutive 20 footers to extend Miami's lead, then put the game away late with a drive-and-finish-while-getting-smashed-in-the-face-by-Dwight-Howard, and a 20-foot-okey-doke-and-the-foul jumper on Earl Clark.  Wade scored 15 in the fourth quarter and finished with 30, also going 12-18, with 5 assists and 3 steals...What helped Wade get off late?  With Miami playing conventional for most of the first three quarters (2 bigs on the court), Dwight Howard was allowed to stand in the paint and jam the rim.  No, it's not legal, but I mean, if the refs are going to let you do it, why move?  But in the fourth quarter, Coach Spo took the extra big off the court, and put Battier on the floor at the power forward spot.  That forced Howard to play Bosh in space - the biggest play of the game demonstrated the value of that.  With the Heat up 7 with 3 minutes to go, and Wade smoking hot, he dribbled the ball up top, and KJ came off a screen at the left elbow.  Wade hit him with a pass, and Dwight Howard, anchored down in the lane took a step towards KJ, who zipped a pass to Bosh spacing the floor at the right elbow.  That's a money shot for Miami, Bosh drains that in his sleep, but on this occasion, because Howard had sunk so deep in the paint, he had no chance to get back out to contest Bosh, so Earl Clark sprinted in from the right corner to try to help, whereupon Bosh zipped the ball right past him to Shane Battier, standing all alone in the corner: triple, ballgame.  Miami, one, can space the floor: so many shooters.  Two, both Dwyane and KJ are both so good at attacking the rim AND finding open teammates.  Fourth quarter was a text book example of that.

4) Most exciting play of the game: midway through the fourth quarter, for some reason Coach Spo left Ray Allen guarding Kobe Bryant for about a three minute stretch, even though Dwyane and KJ were on the floor.  Ray hates Kobe, he's hated him his whole career.  He hates him with the fiery passion of a thousand suns, he's always pointed that out.  If Kobe's life depended on Ray making a three, Ray would instead throw a no-look alley-oop pass to a cutting Joel Anthony (by the way, Mario Chalmers has tried this).  I mean, it's possible that Ray might hate Kobe Bryant more than any human being alive.  I mean, it would be possible, if Rajon Rondo had never been born!  In any case, Kobe bizarrely missed a fallaway and turned the ball over twice in a row against Ray.  The second turnover, Kobe went baseline, Ray cut him off, Bosh came over to help, then Kobe tried to throw a fastball under the hoop to a completely indifferent Dwight Howard.  Instead, Wade cut in front of the pass, caught the ball, and as he was falling out of bounds, zipped a behind the back pass to Bosh, who quickly hit it ahead to Norris Cole.  Cole had Steve Nash on his hip, but he also had KJ trailing the play, and as he got to the lane, Norris suddenly hooked the ball back up over his shoulder into the air, where a freight-training KJ met it in mid-air and absolutely smashed it through the rim as Nash scurried for cover.  Best part of the whole play: Dwight Howard never moved!  He didn't move when Kobe tried to throw him the ball, he didn't move when Dwyane Wade caught it and threw it to Bosh, and he certainly didn't move when Cole lofted the ball skyward to James.  "Listen, this has been happening to us all year, I knew what was going to happen.   There was no need to move."

5) Also in the fourth quarter, Kobe Bryant was bleeding from his hand.  They stopped the game and brought him over to the sidelines, where he tried to stop the flow of blood by sucking on it fiercely with his mouth.  This totally reminded me of the original Twilight movie, when Edward has to suck the venom out of Bella's body to prevent her from becoming a vampire.  Or, it would have reminded me of that if I had been at home last night on a Saturday and watched it for the first time ever, which obviously I did not, since I am a grown man.  (#TeamPattinson - shhhh)

6) I'm watching the Grammys.  No one else wants to say it, so I will: Johnny Depp is a putz...Also this: hey, Mumford & Sons - we have electric guitars now...The end
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Only two games this week: Tuesday against Portland, then Thursday at OKC!  If you need me before Tuesday, I definitely won't be on Netflix downloading the rest of the Twilight movies.  I mean, who cares, I'm not interested at all to see how the Cullens resolve their centuries-old dispute with the Quileute tribe, with adorable Kristen Stewart as the pawn at the center of their animosity.  I mean, I barely even paid attention to the movie, even when the former husband of 90210 star Jennie Garth, Peter Facinelli, was giving a nuanced performance as Dr. Carlise Cullen, the leader of a pack of vampires gone vegetarian (by the way, Facinelli was never better than when he starred with Bill Bellamy in the early-2000s cop show "Two Turds").  So I certainly won't be watching the Twilight movies New Moon, Eclipse, or Breaking Dawn any time soon.  Why would I?  See you Tuesday!
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Heat 111 Clippers 89

6 Thoughts

1) H. A. M.  KJ James is going: H. A. M.  Every recent game you think, "Man, tonight has to be the night KJ comes back to Earth a little," but every night, no, he doesn't come back to Earth.  Every night it's: H. A. M.  He's scored at least 30 in four straight, shooting over 70% from the floor in that stretch.  Tonight was arguably the most ridiculous of all: against a top 5 team, with Chris Bosh and Ray Allen out with the flu, and Dwyane Wade playing sick and looking blurry-eyed, KJ scored 30 points, on 11 shots!  He hit 9-11 from the floor, 4-5 triples, and 8-11 from the free throw line.  He got bonked in the nose on a drive, making his eyes water, then while still blinking immediately dropped a bomb from the top of the arc while getting tackled by DeAndre Jordan for a 4 point play, then immediately hit another three in transition.  The Heat led by 32 in the third quarter and KJ didn't have to step on the court at all in the fourth quarter - a tidy 30, with 5 rebounds, 6 assists, and 2 blocks in 31 minutes.  H. A. M.  Let it fly!

2) Chris Paul vs Mario Chalmers in the point guard matchup tonight.  That's a total mismatch...for the Miami Heat!  Emcee Chalmers took Paul apart!  If we wanted to be fair, we would mention this was CP3's first game back after being out for a couple of weeks with an injury.  But this is not that kind of blog - give it to him, Almario Vernard, make him feeeeeel it!  Paul was plagued by foul trouble and scored only 3 points on 1-5 from the floor, with 2 assists and 3 turnovers in 20 minutes.  He also tried to kill a referee after KJ James trucked him while catching a homerun pass in transition: out of the way, little man!  Chalmers got the Heat off early by nailing a couple of triples, and then picking CP clean in the halfcourt, creating a clear path foul that netted the Heat 2 free throws and the ball.  After tweaking his back and going to the locker room to stretch, he came back in and resumed raining havoc down all over the Clips: 5-8 triples on the night for Emcee for 18 points, with 3 assists, 3 steals, and only 1 turnover.  Any time Mario Chalmers thoroughly humiliates Chris Paul in a game, there is a pretty good chance Miami is going to beat the Clippers.  Going forward from here, that means they are going to beat the Clippers every time they play, because Mario "Emcee" Chalmers will always humiliate Chris Paul!  Show 'em what you got, Almario!

3) Why Miami is such a difficult matchup (besides KJ James and Dwyane Wade): with Chris Bosh out, Udonis Haslem started at center, and Shane Battier started at power forward against Blake Griffin.  That's a no-brainer for the Clippers, right?  Griffin is a jean shorts-wearing, rim-attacking freak, while Battier is an aging, landlocked, intellectual who loves singing karaoke.  Except, oops: not that easy.   Battier drove Griffin insane, bumping him off the block, fighting him for every inch when Griffin tried to establish post position, then resisting with every ounce of his strength when Griffin tried to back him down.  You might score on Battier in the post; you might score twice in a row, maybe even three times.  But nobody - and certainly not Blake Griffin - is going to make a living trying to back Battioke down and score over him.  Griffin got into foul trouble by picking up a couple of charges, scored only 13 points, and turned the ball over four times, helping the Heat to get out in transition and get easy buckets - which he compounded at one point by getting a technical complaining after Battioke stripped him and KJ got to the hoop on the break.  Meanwhile, on offense, Battier spaced out to the corner, and Griffin can't guard him out there - he's more comfortable in the paint.  Shane made 4-5 triples for 12 points of his own, and his floor-spacing helped create driving lanes for James and Wade (scored 20 on 8-16 with 7 assists, 6 rebounds, and 4 steals, even with the flu).  So hard to play Miami when they are focused - no matter how big and good you are upfront, on any given night they can spread you out and hurt you.  Badly.

4) Best "wily veteran" matchup of the night: Rashard Lewis vs Lamar Odom.  Average number of seasons in the NBA between the two of them: 30.  Average age: 50.  And they like to kiiickkk!  During one second quarter possession, Lewis caught the ball at the top of the circle against Odom, iso'd, held the ball for about 17 seconds, everyone else on the court fell asleep (except Odom, who checked into the game already asleep), then with the shot clock running out, Lewis took one hard dribble and drilled a 20 footer over a lunging Odom.  Like it's 2002, baby!  Lewis took Odom apart, scored 7 third quarter points as Miami was pulling away, and finished with 10 points and 7 rebounds (and 2 steals) in 27 minutes; Odom didn't score, and had only 2 boards and 5 fouls in 22 minutes.  Also, he's still married to the least attractive Kardashian, and I'm including Bruce Jenner.  L.O.'s kind of sad now, and he's a good guy, I like that dude, he won us our first title when we traded him for Shaq!  C'mon, kid, there's half  a season left - pull it together!

5) Clippers backup center Ryan Hollins, who is a total stiff, and a bit of a cheap shot artist to boot, was wearing bright red sneakers.  Listen, Ryan Hollins, there is a certain baseline of accomplishment you have to reach before it's cool to wear the garish kicks, and you're not even close.  When your greatest career achievement is "I think he went to UCLA, maybe," you are automatically limited to black sneakers or white sneakers.  That's it.  I don't make the rules, sorry.

6) Great friend of the blog Snets emailed me yesterday to ask me if I knew that Ryan Gosling is Canadian (Snets is Canadian himself, but still a supercool guy, actually).  As long-time readers of this blog will know, I have a (mostly) non-sexual crush on Gosling.  Of course I know he's Canadian.  Snets, did you know he is 6'2", has piercing blue eyes, loves spontaneous people, and that his favorite vacation spot is in a hot tub at a ski condo in the mountains in Whistler, B.C.?  Do I know Ryan Gosling is Canadian!  C'mon, mannn, did Kiki Asosopo (or whatever) know that Manti Te'o played football at Notre Dame?  Oops, super-bad example - I promise you, I almost never call Ryan Gosling pretending to be a girl...
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Next game is Sunday afternoon against the Lakers (of course - ruin both best weather teams' Sunday at once, NBA, that's super-efficient!).  Lakers!  If you need me before then, I'll be working on my other blog, "Gosling Minutos."  There's some partial nudity, and a great deal of profanity, although much of it is in French - to be safe, don't let your kids read that one.  See you Sunday, mes amis!
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Heat 114 Rockets 108

6 Thoughts

1) Udonis!!!  For the first time all season, really, Udonis Haslem played a hell of a game.  With Chris Bosh out - more on that down in #4 - UD nailed his first three jumpers, and finished with 9 points on 4-7 in 28 minutes, the final 3 coming on a huge 'and 1' with a couple of minutes to go on a slip to the rim with a great pass by Dwyane Wade.  He also battled his way to 13 rebounds, a lot of them in traffic, and Miami lost the rebounding battle only 39-38.  And he drew three charges, one of them a huge one, up 3 with 18 seconds to go.  Great all-around game by UD - nice to see him smiling a little out there.  My Uncle Sal once told me, "when the ball goes in the hoop, life's a picnic, kid."  Okay, that's a lie, I don't even have an Uncle Sal.  I'm not even Italian!  Still, the point is, it's good when UD makes shots.  One of UD's biggest fans, Heat play-by-player Eric Reid, missed tonight's game due a death in his family (Jax filled in and was delicious).  EReid, our prayers go out to you.  Take care of your loved ones, and this one's for you: U-DONIS?  U DID IT!!!

2) The Rockets like to go up and down, up and down, and of course, Miami doesn't mind that at all.  One annoying thing: after made buckets by the opposition, a lot of times Houston doesn't take the ball all the way out of bounds - they sort of flip it ahead while fake stepping back over the baseline, and try to catch you off guard.  It's fine to not go out of bounds, every team does it once in a while out of sheer laziness, but when a team is doing it intentionally to gain an advantage, that's annoying...Anyways, a lot of points on the board for both teams tonight, but ironically Miami won the game with three huge defensive plays in the final minute, each one while clinging to a small lead.  First, Almario Vernard Chalmers salvaged an otherwise forgettable night by drawing a charge on the Rockets' best player James Harden by guessing right on a runout with 46 seconds to go, up 3.  Even more impressive because Harden spent all night running into people and flinging the ball at the bottom of the backboard to draw fouls.  How about standing up and trying to make a shot like a man, Beardy?  More on this in #5...Then UD drew his huge charge on an extremely bad decision by James Anderson to try to get to the rim off the bounce from 25 feet out.  Udonis saw that coming before James Anderson even woke up this morning.  He saw that coming before James Harden could grow facial hair.  He saw that co--okay, okay - he drew the charge pretty easily, that's what I'm saying...Finally -  ahhhh-sighhhh - with 10 seconds to go, down 4, James Harden decided his best course of action was to try to take Dwyane Wade (31 points, 5 assists, 8 boards, 4 steals, 2 blocks) into space, try to okey doke him into the air, and then shoot a triple over him...Annnd, predictably he got a leather cream pie smashed back into his face: ballgame.  All these years in, all these big defensive plays to close out ballgames, and people still want to go at DWade at the end of games?  The dude's a long-armed, jumping-jack freak: go at anyone else!  I saw that block coming before James Anderson woke up this morning! 

3) Last game, KJ James took every single one of his 14 shots from the painted area, and made 13, the only miss coming on an uncalled, blatant Bismack Biyombo foul.  Tonight, with Houston center Omer Asik clogging up the lane, KJ took his game outside, shooting almost exclusively jumpers, and he still lit the place up!  KJ dropped 32 on 11-18 from the floor, long-distance, and 3-6 triples, all three makes in a row to start the third quarter to stretch Miami's lead out to 15, and let them cruise most of the second half.  That kid can do anything.  Inside, outside, pass the ball, rebound the ball, play defense, get to the bench for timeouts faster than anyone in the league.  Just amazing - something different every night.  He's the best basketball player I've ever seen, unless you count Michael Jordan, which I don't, because he's a total jackass.

4) Early in the day, the Heat announced that Chris Bosh was questionable for tonight's game with a cold.  Like every other Heat fan on Earth, I immediately thought: "only Chris Bosh would miss a game with a cold."  But, really, Miami Heat: that's how you're going to clown Chris Bosh out?  Announce he's missing a game with a cold?  Ha!  By the time tipoff arrived, Miami claimed he was out with "the flu."  Someone got to the Heat's P.R. people, probably Chis Bosh's mom.  I saw that change coming before Jame--okay, okay... 

5) James Harden is a great player.  Still, I'm not a fan, I'd like to see him play basketball once in a while, rather than dribble as fast as he can up the court behind a slower opposing big, catch up to him, pick the ball up, shove it into the big guy's back, and then fall down to draw a foul.  But, I mean, whatever works for him - I'm grateful that he stunk the joint out so bad in last year's Finals, thanks, you really helped us get over the top there...But, like, the beard-mohawk thing?  Still?  I mean, okay, James Harden, we got you: you're an alt two guard, we get it, we get it, you're not like the other two guards.  Dwyane Wade's the Alicia Keys of two guards; you're the Janelle Monae.  Got it.  Stop trying so hard.  M.Minutos thinks he probably has bad hygiene.




Look at what a pleasant-looking young man you were coming out of college:

Kids, man, always gotta be rebellious...

6) Speaking of beards, check out this dude's beard, his name was Peter Green, and he started Fleetwood Mac:


You know this dude had problems: classic "Troubled White Man's Beard!"  I don't like Fleetwood Mac - that's for people who really don't like music, or themselves - but I watched a supercool documentary online about this guy last weekend.  It's called "Peter Green: Man of the World."  If your name is Snets, you should find it on youtube and watch it.  This kid could go get it with his guitar a little bit.  So could Ichabod Crane, right next to him, for that matter...Acid, man...Here's one of his songs:


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Next game is Friday against the Clippers.  Don't wear jean shorts on Friday - trust me.  If need me before then, I'll be choking down echinacea.  Ahhh-choooo!
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Heat 99 Bobcats 94

6 Thoughts

1) An exhausted-looking back-to-back win for the Heat after winning yesterday in Toronto, and staying over late to watch the Super Bowl before flying home.  The Heat were 1-12 from three point land, and couldn't get any rhythm going.  So what did KJ James do?  Pound.  The.  Paint.  31 points on 13-14 from the floor, the first time in his career he's only missed one shot.  Didn't take a jumper the entire game - every basket was in the paint, drives, left-handed jump hooks, right-handed baby sky hooks.  The only shot he missed was when he okey doked Charlotte 7 footer Bismack Biyombo into the air, and Biyombo fell on him for an obvious foul which, of course, went uncalled.  KJ added 8 rebounds and 8 assists.  There have been six 31-8-8 games in the NBA this year, five by KJ, and one by the reprehensible Russell Westbrook (and it probably took him 35 shots to do it).  Goodness gracious - KJ is almost as good as Kevin Durant!  Let it fly!  Speaking of letting it fly, would it kill Spo to put Mike Miller into a game for a minute, especially on a back-to-back when none of the other shooters have their legs?  Oh, it would kill Spo?  Okay, never mind!

2) Chris Bosh was good down the stretch for the second straight game.  Yesterday, after the game he told Heat sideline reporter Jason Jackson that he wanted to apologize to the fans, to the team, to everyone, for his less-than-stellar play as of late, and promised to play better.  You know what?  Forget the talking about it.  Just do the "playing better," and we'll all notice, I promise you.  Down the stretch, Charlotte tried to guard him with the, umm, shot-conscious Byron Mullens, who was only too happy to let Bosh score in order to get the ball back for the Bobcats, so they could get another shot up.  And by, "get the ball back for the Bobcats, so they could get another shot up," I mean, "so Byron Mullens could jack it!'  A very efficient 11-18 for 23 for Chris, including several big hoops down the stretch to help the Heat pull away.  A less efficient 5-14 for Byron Mullens - he was limited to 14 shots because he only touched the ball 15 times (more on this in #4).  I'll say this about  him, he doesn't get cheated, he gets his money's worth out there.  Let it fly, Byron Mullens, let it fly!

3) Play of the game, runner up: in the second quarter, when Dwyane Wade got out in transition and threw a perfect one-handed, cross-court, bounce pass to a sprinting Shane Battier (with Byron Mullens in, sort of, pursuit).  Battier took one bounce, elevated, and stuffed the ball home as the Heat exploded off the bench!  There was an attempted "hold back" celebration by Mike Mil-lar (you know, when a dude has to mock 'hold everyone back'), but he wasn't quick enough to stop a resting KJ, who made it past Mike onto the court as Battier laughed, and pointed at the bench.  During his post-halftime interview, Assistant Coach Tone Loc (David Fizdale) claimed it was Battioke's first dunk in four years.  After the game, Battier told reporters: "that was for all the suburban dads out there.  I might release a DVD of that...I got up there and I honestly didn't know what to do."  Hey, Shane Battioke: less joking, MORE DUNKING!

4) Play of the game: duh.  On Byron Mullens' 15th touch, he iso'd against The Birdman, Chris Anderson, tried to put the ball on the floor, and before he could even get it out of his hands, Bird, bringing the things that a Birdman brings and that a Birdman does, poked it free, scooped it up, and for the second time in a week, went coast-to-coast, Euro-stepped the other team's point guard, and dropped the ball in the bucket!  In the Sunsports Lounge after the game, Bird told Jax that he sits there and watches Dwyane and KJ make similar plays, "and it trickles into my mind, then I rip it, and I go with it...Then I drive a Red Range!"  Bird-man!  Still isn't dunking it, doesn't quite have his legs yet, told Jax he's another week away from dunking those coast-to-coast forays, although as he pointed out to (the best) Heat beat reporter Joe Goodman before the game, "you don't need legs to fly, baby!"  

5) Even all these years later, it is still irritating that Bobcats guard Ramon Sessions pronounces his name, "Rah-mahn," instead of its proper pronunciation, "Rah-mone."  Listen, none of us were born yesterday, Hot Stuff, we all know R-A-M-O-N is pronounced "Rah-mone."  Solution: from now on, I'm calling him "Rah-mont."  I'm halving the difference for him, and he's lucky to get that much.

6) Some people are tripping out about the Super Bowl commercial where the dorky white dude was talking in a Jamaican accent, saying it was racist because it stereotyped Jamaicans?  So dumb.  C'mon people, get real: Jamaicans don't get upset about stuff like that, they're wayyy too stoned to get mad.  
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I don't know when the next game is - I think Wednesday against Houston, but you might want to check your TV Guide.  If you need me before then (if that is when the game is), I'll be making out with Bar Refaeli.  I don't want to, we're just filming an ad for Dos Minutos.  See ya!
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