Mavs 112 Heat 103 Mavs lead series 3-2

6 Thoughts

1) Really?  Dwyane Wade has to get hurt in the fifth game of the NBA Finals?  Really?  That's what has to happen?  He couldn't have got hurt on a Tuesday in December against Minnesota, or a Saturday in February against Detroit?  Really - tonight he had to get hurt?  C'mon, mannn!  It doesn't even feel like a "real" loss, it feels fluky, which I suppose is a silver-lining in an otherwise dreary night...Dallas shot the snot out of the ball (13-19 on threes!), shot a bunch of fourth quarter free throws again, and LeBron couldn't find his jumper...Let's go...back to Miami, thank the Lord!

2) Wade got hurt in the first half on a collision with Brian Cardinal, of all people.  Brian Cardinal shouldn't even be in an NBA Finals game!   What are you doing putting him in there to injure Dwyane Wade, Dallas coach Rick Carlisle - I hate you!!!  Banged up his hip, missed a few minutes, labored through the closing minutes of the first half, then stayed in the locker room for the first 8 minutes of the second half.  Came back out, limping noticeably, with no explosion, with Miami down a handful of points, and still almost willed them to victory!  It would have been an all-timer, for sure.  Finished with 23 points in only 34 minutes, and most tellingly, only 2 rebounds.  Didn't have lift in his legs.  Man, Miami's got home games Sunday and, if they win that one, Tuesday - win two home games, and you're the NBA champions.  If they lose because Dwyane Wade is limited - after playing like a hundred games this year - that is going to be super-aggravating....

3) Biggest exchange of the game: With Miami down 2, and two minutes to go, Wade drove middle, found LeBron cutting baseline, and LeBron elevated and finished while colliding with Tyson Chandler.  At home, that is almost certainly a three point play, or at worst a no call and a basket, and Miami would have been up one or even.  Instead, Joey Crawford called an offensive foul, wiping out the basket, Dallas came down and drilled a triple when Mike Miller inexplicably wandered down the lane trailing a driving Jason Terry, who was not his cover, leaving Jason Kidd alone to set his feet on the perimeter, receive a pass, and drain it.  If that were Dwyane Wade or Dirk Nowitzki, they probably would have been awarded 4 or 5 free throws.  But LeBron - nothing.  Such is life as LeBron...Frustrating for Miami - it couldn't get that one driving LeBron call, the Mavs shot 13 more fourth quarter free throws in this game, and was in the bonus for the last seven and a half minutes - and it was that way for three games in a row in Dallas.  That's not a complaint - that's life on the road in the NBA.  If there is one tangible thing getting back to Miami can do for this team, it is the opportunity to perhaps get more chances to make fourth quarter stops.  It just feels like they can't catch a break right now.

4) Totally heroic: Mario Chalmers.  With Wade in the locker room, and then limping badly, and all Dallas defenders loading up on LeBron James in Dwyane's absence - and LeBron can't locate the stroke from the perimeter - Mario Chalmers came in and played as well as he can play in the first half, allowing Miami to hang around.  Hit another first quarter buzzer-beating 45 footer when Mike Miller, wisely, sought him out for the crazy shot.  As M.Minutos again pointed out, all that time everyone thought Mario was wasting in the gym by flinging half-court runners his entire life has now paid off two games in a row.  Emcee hit 4-6 triples before the break and had 13 points.  On the verge of getting run out of the game a couple of times, Chalmers saved them.  Against all odds, he was Miami's best player in the half.

5) Dirk Nowitzki was great again - broke out with 29 points.  Also, my third favorite boat captain on "Deadliest Catch," the raddest show on tv:


I did not think it was cool when Dirk's brother Edgar bailed on him at the end of Blue Crab season last week, but, in fairness, Dirk sits up in the warm captain's chair the whole time, barking over the loudspeaker at Edgar and the rest of the crew to pull pots faster, while they are down there working in, like, arctic hurricanes.   We'll see how Dirk likes Opilio season without Edgar - I'm guessing he's going to wish he was a little less abrasive, and a little more understanding of Edgar's needs...

6) I got nothing tonight, but I'm in a suprisingly good mood considering Miami just lost a game in the Finals.  Just seemed like fate when Dwyane got hurt - this game wasn't going our way, and even I couldn't jinx it back into a victory.  But since I have nothing to write about, here's what we are going to do: a couple of months ago, someone emailed me a list of the 100 Least Appealing Celebrities, and asked me to comment on it.  I never opened it - I don't even know who wrote the list, but I saved it for a night like tonight.  I am going to pick a random number, riiight now-- okay: 31.  Now, we are going to open it, and see who # 31 is, and see if we like them, or don't like them.  You know, just see where it goes...Okay, hold up a sec while I check the list - I'll copy whatever they say about the person here, then comment below...Wait a second, there are only 20 names on the list, and there are no blurbs - what the hell?   Okay, I'm picking a new number between 1-20, annnnd it is: 5.  And number 5 is: JON PLUS EIGHT GOSSELIN!!!  THIS IS AN OUTRAGE, HOW DARE YOU PLACE JON PLUS EIGHT ON A LIST OF LEAST APPEALING CELEBRITIES, JUST BEHIND THE OCTOMOM, AND JUST IN FRONT OF HEIDI MONTAG, WHOM I HONESTLY HAVE NO IDEA WHO SHE IS!!!  WHY - JUST BECAUSE HE IS ASIAN, HAS BAD HAIR PLUGS, AND WEARS ED HARDY T-SHIRTS SEVEN YEARS AFTER THEY WENT OUT OF FASHION?  FIRST DWYANE GETS INJURED AND NOW THIS?  THIS IS THE WORST NIGHT OF MY LIFE!!!  I HATE THIS LIST!!!

Man, these two teams, they're giving each other a battle.  Miami won Game 1 kinda easy, then there's been 4 straight tight, tight ballgames.  Dallas has won three.  If Dwyane is healthy, I absolutely believe Miami can win two straight back at home - but it's going to be a war.  If you need me before Sunday night, I'll be making my Top 100 List of Lists I Am Never Going To Read Again...Have a good weekend!

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Mavs 86 Heat 83 Series tied 2-2

6 Thoughts

1) Oh - now I understand why Cleveland fans felt like LeBron quit on them last spring in the series against Boston!  What in the name of Delonte was that tonight?  LeBron shuffled through 46 minutes of "action" like it was an October exhibition game against Minnesota.  It wasn't that he only scored 8 points - it was that he only took 11 shots, in an unbelievably passive performance.  Worse, on the other end, he spent the fourth quarter getting torched off the dribble by Jason Terry to the point that Dallas started going at him.  I was already exhausted before the game even started, and whatever little energy I had, LeBron sucked the life out of me over the course of two and a half hours.  Man, LeBron - I can't even give you a "let's go" tonight - I'm just going to move on to # 2.

2) Even with that, Miami still had a chance to win because Dwyane Wade was, again, incredibly good: 32 points and 6 rebounds for Dwyane, along with 2 fourth quarter blocks, including one absurd rejection of a Tyson Chandler dunk attempt that Wade turned into a layup on the other end for a 5 point lead with 7 minutes to go.  Only blemish on his night: a missed free throw with 30 seconds to go that could have tied the game.  He's been the best player in the series, easily.   Unfortunately, Dirk Nowitzki or Tyson Chandler, and not LeBron, has been the second best, in all probability.

3) Tyson Chandler was fantastic tonight.  He is an outstanding defensive player who is effective at deterring drives in the paint.  And he has been all over the offensive boards the past couple of games: he had 9 tonight, and 16 total rebounds for the game.  I think we all knew that Tyson Chandler was good - I don't we all knew that he was this good.

4) These games have all felt oddly similar.  Miami dominates the game physically for long stretches of time, and pushes out to leads over and over.  Tonight they led by 9 a couple of minutes into the fourth quarter.  Then the game slows down, and the Mavs start getting to the free throw line to fight their way back into the game.  It feels like they've been on an endless parade to the line in the second half of fourth quarters in this series; tonight Dallas shot 30 free throws total to Miami's 24, overall.  Especially hurtful are the late loose ball fouls that allow Dallas to score points without Miami getting a chance to get a stop - there was another huge one tonight with two minutes to go - a foul called on Wade 85 feet from the basket that gave Nowitzki two points.  I'm not complaining - this is what often happens on the road in the NBA.  It's why home court means something - refs give you more calls.  But, it doesn't happen every night.  It just seems like one of the these nights, even in Dallas, Miami is going to get the 50-50 calls, including extra possessions down the stretch, and blow the Mavericks off the court.  Annnnnnd, let's hope it's Thursday, 'cause that's the last game in Dallas!

5) Back to LeBron.  He's been passive all series.  How passive?  Dallas got so tired of Dwyane Wade murdering Jason Kidd that they switched defenders - placed Shawn Marion on Wade, and put Kidd on LeBron.  Marion was no better on Wade than Kidd - Dwyane still had his way - but LeBron was matched up against a 38 year old five inches shorter than him, and never seemed to notice, or care, or figure out he could get a quality shot whenever he wanted.  It wasn't like Kidd got physical with him, or out-thought him, or anything.  He just stood roughly near LeBron wherever LeBron happened to set up shop, and...nothing.  He did nothing, because LeBron never did anything.  I spent much of the day explaining to people that Dwyane Wade is the most aggressive player in the league.  He's high risk, high reward.  But he's so good, that the reward, over a large enough sample size, always outweighs the negative plays.  LeBron has a totally different style.   He is conservative by nature - maybe because he is from Ohio!  Tonight, though, he took that to absurd levels.  He took it to a place where he hurt the team.  With the game slipping away down the stretch, he just kind of "let go of the rope," to use a classic Spo-ism.  He never, really, at any point, "got into the fight," to use another!  I suppose it's possible he's just exhausted from the sheer number of minutes he's played in the playoffs.  But that would missed explain "missed shots," more than "no shots."  There's two or three games left in this series - Pat Riley would tell him to "be an active participant in your own rescue!"  Love those Heat cliches - they come in handy when you are trying to rush through a dumb blog post!   I've mostly been on a national media blackout for the past month or so, so I'm not positive what the national LeBron narrative has been, but even locally, LeBron is going to get murdered online and in the press for the next two days.

6) Look, we all know that what Congressman Anthony Weiner did was, perhaps, questionable.  But what I hate to see is how he has been given the shaft by his colleagues in the House of Representatives, especially the Speaker of the House, John Boehner.  Man, I would have liked to see Boehner grab Weiner and straighten him out - I mean, of all people, Boehner should be sensitive to, and touched by, this orgy of bad decision-making.  Sure, I know they are in different parties, and have crossed swords many times over the issues, but Boehner's rigid moral perspective really could help Weiner feel his way through this gaping hole in his judgement.  I mean, yes, Boehner should protect himself, as always, but he's been in inflammatory situations before and always remained erect, and often, his drive has helped stimulate others to-...that's all I've got, I'm exhausted...

Game 5 is Thursday night in Dallas.  The series is tied 2-2, so, you know, it is kind of a big game.  I don't even have a "until then" joke.  I need sleep, and I need LeBron to show up...I gotta believe he can - and just to inspire him: Let's Go!!!

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Heat 88 Mavs 86 Heat lead 2-1

6 Thoughts

1) I spent all weekend feeling like Miami was out of the series after the brutal Game 2 gack-up - I'm not saying that it made any sense; that's how I felt.  If I was a player, I would have quit sometime around Saturday afternoon, because I would have assumed we were going to get blown out.  Never forget - I have no heart.  Instead, the Heat showed up in Dallas, controlled play most of the night, endured a parade of free throws - even in the last 3 minutes - for Dallas all night long, and survived a last second fallaway jumper try from Dirk Nowitzki.  Miami rarely wins games when they get outshot at the line 27-15 - getting to the line is Miami's whole raison d'etre - and they were frustrated at the officiating all night long...Unbelievable gut check win - Miami is back in the fight.  Let's Go!

2) Dwyane Wade was just ridiculous from start to finish.  His numbers - 29 points and 11 rebounds - were great, but just as good was a defensive play with 30 seconds to go and Miami up a deuce.  Nowitzki had the ball around the free throw line and started to spin to shoot his fallaway.  Dwyane, anticipating the move, came sprinting off Shawn Marion on the wing, and elevated to block the shot, causing Nowitzki to pull the ball down and try to fling out late to the wing to Marion, who had vacated the spot.  Ball out of bounds to Miami.  Huge, genius, instinctive defensive play to create a turnover in a one possession game with 30 seconds to go.  He seized control of this game early, and was the best player on both ends of the floor again.

3) Chris Bosh was weak again most of the night - only 3 rebounds - but he had two huge buckets down the stretch, including a 20 foot baseline jumper with under a minute to go (off a ridiculously sharp pass by LeBron) to give Miami its last lead.  In fairness to Chris, a first quarter eye gouge by Jason Kidd left him laying on the floor for a good two minutes (with somehow - incredibly - unbelievably - no foul called), and he returned with his eye swollen half-shut all night.  Half an hour after the game, after a shower, and dressing, his eye was still looking bad, and tearing up.  "You're still having a big problem with that eye - it still hurts, doesn't it?" sympathized interviewer Hannah Storm.  "Yes," said Chris.  Okay, good interview!  Again - there was no foul called!  On the other hand, somehow, you have to believe that almost anyone else wouldn't have swelled up as badly...

4) Point guards!  First, from the "I thought I told you that we won't stop" category: Emcee Chalmers!  For the second game in a row, he was huge, making 4-6 triples, including a running 40 footer at the first quarter buzzer to put Miami up 7.  Miami had the ball side out of bounds, deep in its own corner, with about 4 seconds to go, up 4.  Dallas came up to press, and I told M.Minutos: "We should just eat it - LeBron is terrible at these halfcourt shots anyways.  Just catch it and don't turn it over in our own end."  "No, no," protested M.Minutos, "Chalmers is in - he's a good trick shot guy."  Miami inbounded the ball to Udonis Haslem, who took two tentative dribbles over halfcourt, flipped an awkward looking pass back to a flying Chalmers, who caught it, maybe in the backcourt, maybe travelled, then drilled a running one hander.  "I told you!' thundered M.Minutos, "You know he spends all his time practicing things like that!"  Second, from the "Play of the Game" category: Mike Bibby.  On the very first possession of the game, wily and physical Dallas point guard Jason Kidd, who is two inches taller and 30 pounds heavier than Bibbs, tried to post up hard on the left block.  Kidd elevated for a little leaner, and Bibbs went up and politely, but sternly, slapped the ball out of the air for (another) blocked shot.  Lesson?  HOW DARE YOU TRY TO POST UP MIKE BIBBY ON THE GAME'S FIRST PLAY!  I LOVE AND RESPECT YOU, JASON KIDD, BUT YOU GOT WHAT YOU DESERVED!

5) Why I Hate Replay, example # 655: Late in the second quarter, Jason Kidd, who had apparently learned his lesson about trying to post up Mike Bibby, went out to the perimeter to try his luck.  As he caught the ball wide open in space behind the three point line, he saw Dwyane Wade closing on him hard.  Kidd stepped in to the shot with a little bunny hop, upfaked Wade into the air, then took about three more steps to make sure Wade would crash into him as he jumped to shoot.  It was a blatant travel - on the other hand, about 70 percent of three pointers follow some kind of travel, and it's a tough play to call full speed, so I'm fine with giving him a couple of free throws (he had stepped on the line during the travel).  Except, the referees decided to go look at the replay to see whether Kidd had stepped on the line or not, to see whether he should receive two or three free throws.  First problem: back in the day, a referee might just watch the guy's feet to see where they were, and then make the correct call.  It couldn't have been any more clear that Kidd had stepped on the line, even live-speed.  Second problem: now the referees are going to huddle around the replay monitor, watch Jason Kidd take four steps before shooting the ball, and then pretend that it didn't happen!  I mean, the purpose of replay, I think, is to "get the call right."  But on this play, and on many plays, we still don't end up with the correct call!  So what is the point of stopping the game for 6 minutes - Finals games are already four and a half hours long with the extended timeouts and halftime.  Jeff Van Gundy, on ABC's broadcast, made the exact same point as I made it to M.Minutos.  Either let the referees make the actual correct call after watching the replay, or just don't have it.  Humans lived on earth for, at least, dozens of years before replay was invented... I don't understand how a replay system this badly flawed is even defensible.

6) TV Review: "River Monsters."  Great, great show!  Rahm Emmanuel, feigning some kind of Irish or English or Australian accent (if they are, indeed, different, as Thor claims), travels around the world fishing in remote rivers to try to catch giant, killer fishes.  Beautiful cinematography, awesome native dugout canoes, and bizarre cheesy re-creations of killer fishes attacking the indigenous people.  Tonight, in Papua New Guinea, he was chasing a cousin of the piranha, named the pacu, WHO HAD BIT THE GENATALIA OFF OF A NATIVE GUY WHO LOOKED EXACTLY LIKE LEBRON JAMES' PAPUA NEW GUNINNEISH UNCLE!  HOLY MOLY!  Emmanuel claimed that he was in a remote, mostly untouched part of Papua New Guinea, but one of the first old dudes in the village they talked to spoke good English and was wearing an Imax ballcap.  Probably not a lot of eyeglasses out there, so they need those big screens to be able to see what the hell the movie is about.  Best of all, in every episode, including tonight, Emmanuel finally catches the big, killer fish - and then releases it back into the river so that it can continue to terrorize the native people!  LOOK OUT LEBRON'S UNCLE!  Anyways, obviously this is a show that is great for the whole family, although P.Minutos is certainly going to have nightmares about killer fish now.  Still, it's a clear 9.5 out of 10, only because it isn't quite as good as "Deadliest Catch."

We're back Tuesday night for the second of three from Dallas.  If you need me before then, I'll be out fishing in the canal behind our street, but wearing goggles to protect the detached retina Jason Kidd gave me.  See you Tuesday!

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Mavs 95 Heat 93 Series tied 1-1

6 Thoughts

1) Miami semi-pummeled Dallas all night, had them on the verge of blowouts two different times, and generally controlled the game from start to finish.  And yet, somehow, incredibly, improbably, gakked up a 15 point lead with 6 minutes to go and lost this game.  Had Miami won, I think we all agreed that the series was probably pretty much over.  Instead, it looks like a long, hard fight.  If Miami doesn't win this title, we'll look back on this six minute stretch in agony.  We don't want to go, but I guess we have to!

2) Down the stretch, Miami resorted to the late game offense they used for the first four months of the season: LeBron stands 30 feet from the basket, dribbles the ball down to about 8 seconds on the shot clock, tentatively advances to the three point line, then either jams it late to someone in a bad spot, or retreats two dribbles, then gathers himself for a contested, twisting fallaway jumper.  Guess what?  They didn't go in.  Dwyane Wade rarely touched the ball down the stretch even though he scored 36 on only 20 shots - his one shot late was a contested three after a LeBron dribble-fest.  Honestly, I don't even mind the threes from LeBron - but you're bigger and more athletic than anyone guarding you.  Step up, give one move, and rise and shoot.  The diddling around to settle for an off-balance fade is a killer.  He's played a ton of good games in a row, and made huge shots.  Tonight wasn't great - need a little better decision-making from him.

3) Three huge errors on the last defensive possession when Nowtizki made a driving layup to win the game, two by Coach Spo.  One, Udonis Haslem was late coming to help.  You have to make sure you get there in time to help the primary defender.  That's a Heat strength - UD didn't get there.  We praise him enough in this blog - he has to take one criticism.  Two, there's no way Chris Bosh can be checking Nowitzki on that last play.  Chris had a pitiful night - it was one of his totally ineffectual performances.  Even when Miami was killing Dallas, he was horrendous - shot 4-16, and got stripped of the ball maybe 100 times, including one key possession with a minute to go when LeBron put him in a difficult position.  You know Nowitzki is going to aggressively hunt a shot in that spot.  While Chris is an excellent position defender on pick-and-rolls, he's not a great on the ball guy, it wasn't his night in general, and he got beat pretty bad on the play.  Three, Joel Anthony has to be in the game in that spot.  You can take either Bosh or UD out, I don't care which, but Joel is the best on the ball defender of Nowitzki, and he's the best help defender at the rim.  Neither Bosh nor UD did their jobs in that spot - and Joel is better at both of those jobs.  Not sure what we're saving him for - maybe Game 3.

4) I'm not saying I enjoyed the game, or felt good for Dallas, or anything like that - I didn't.  All I am saying is, in 2006, they had Miami about as close as you can get to being out of the series, let them slip away, and then Miami came back and won the championship.  Tonight, Miami had Dallas very close to being just about out of the series, let them slip away, and...we'll see.  Fair play to Dallas tonight.  Man, I don't know how players do it - I could never come back and play Sunday night.  I'd be devastated.  The last time this franchise took a loss like this was Game 7 of the 2005 Eastern Conference Finals against Detroit, the Dwyane Wade-injured ribs game.  It took me about eight weeks to bounce back from that disappointment.  I have absolutely no heart!

5) We'd be much remiss if we didn't mention that besides Dwyane Wade, Miami's hero of the night, at least for 42 minutes, was Mike Bibby!  Not only did he make 4-7 triples and score 14 points, he also had 4 steals - 3 of them right in a row - to key a third quarter run that put Miami up double digits.  He was utilizing his patented "I'll stand patiently over here out of harm's way while there is a scrum on the floor for a loose ball, then it will squirt right to me, and I will casually pass it ahead to Dwyane or LeBron for a dunk" defense.  Worked like a charm.  Like it always does.  Maybe Bibbs should have checked Nowitzki on that last possession!

6) Music Review: new Wombats album.  It's awesome, just download it.  Here's one of the cool songs - I swear I planned to post a song in which the chorus is "Let me be your anti-depressant" before Miami blew this lead!



Game 3 is Sunday night in Dallas.  Now Miami has to win one out there to get the series back to South Beach.  It can be done, no doubt - just have to get back to the grind.  If you need me before Sunday, I'll be sleeping.  School is over for the Minutos boys!  No more driving them to school!  No more hustling to get them to bed early!  Let's get some sleep!  See you Sunday!

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Heat 92 Mavs 84 Heat lead 1-0

6 Thoughts

1) Listen - I've taken a lot of credit for Miami's playoff run this season, and maybe some of it was unwarranted.  So let's give some of the credit for this win where it belongs--to my friend Thor!!!  Attending his first basketball game in America, or as he likes to call it, "Enemy Territory!"  The Australian Reverse-Jinx is in FULL EFFECT!!!  More on this down in #4.  As for the game itself, well, it probably wasn't quite as exciting as Thor's reverse-jinx.  Both teams got off to a grinding start, LeBron James and Mario Chalmers (!) made just enough jump shots to keep Miami in it for three quarters, and Miami pulled away for a fairly comfortable win down the stretch powered by a still-apparently-slowed Dwyane Wade, who managed to emerge from a seven-straight half slumber to pour in 15 in the second half, make several defensive plays, and grab a bunch of rebounds.  Game One had to be got - it got got.  Let's Go!!!

2) Sometimes, in the playoffs, when the defense is tough, and easy opportunities are difficult to come by, it just comes down to this: When you really, really need it, can you make enough plays over the top?  Just create a little space, jump up, under duress, shot clock down, and drill a jump shot?  LeBron and Wade are not the best pure shooters in basketball.  But both of them can make plays over the top.  LeBron made his first four triples to keep Miami hanging around when the offense was struggling, including a ridiculous, fall away three with a defender all over him at the third quarter buzzer to put Miami up 4.  He finished 9-15 for 24 points, many of them jumpers, with 9 rebounds and 5 assists.  Wade finished 9-19 for 22, and made the two biggest shots of the game: a pull up jumper over Jason Kidd with 4 minutes to go to put Miami up 7 - their biggest lead to that point - then a block on Shawn Marion and a triple up over the top of Kidd again with 3 minutes to go to push the lead to 9, effectively ending it.  Dallas jammed the paint all night, and has big, physical defenders.  But to contain LeBron and Wade, eventually a defender has to give ground, and give up jumpers - Miami made enough of those tonight to win.

3) UD: struggled early in the game with his shot - he still has no legs after six months off - but fought back to make two second half jumpers of his own, and a sneaky pretend-I'm-running-a-baseline-cut-then-pop-back-in-front-of-Dirk-Nowitzki-to-receive-a-pass-and-finish-a-layup-and-three-point-play in the fourth quarter.  You can't say he "slowed" Dirk - he still finished with 27 points, but UD battled him for 30 minutes, his longest stretch since coming back from injury.  Man, I never thought UD was coming back this season - I can't believe we are back in the Finals and UD is playing...nothing warms my heart more!  Love that boy!

4) Okay, so Thor called me late in the day to tell me he had been invited to the game.  Super-exciting!  He wanted tips on how he should behave.  The building was loud, so I don't know if he remembered to scream "Yabba-Dabba-Do" on LeBron's late dunk, as I advised him to.  With about 20 seconds left in the game, and Dwyane Wade dribbling the clock out, something flew out of the crowd on to the court in celebration of the victory - OH, NO - I FORGOT TO TELL THOR NOT TO THROW SOMETHING ON TO THE COURT IN CELEBRATION OF THE VICTORY WHILE THE GAME IS STILL GOING ON AND DWYANE WADE IS DRIBBLING OUT THE CLOCK!!!  I HOPE HE DIDN'T GET ARRESTED - HE DIDN'T KNOW - HE IS NOT FROM HERE!!!!!!

5) Look, it's cool to make special gear for The Finals.  But when someone at the NBA store came up with the idea for this t-shirt, I might have given it a little more consideration before I printed it.  Holy LeDirk!  Goodness gracious, DiBron!


6) TV Review: Campus PD.  Stumbled across this program by accident last night while chilling out with M.Minutos.  Basically, campus po-licemen drive around hassling poor college kids who are just trying to have a good time.  I HATED THIS SHOW!  As one 18 year old freshman hosting a busted-up party complains to the police, "What's the big deal - this is college; this is what you are supposed to do."  Exactly--I couldn't agree more.  And there was absolutely no need for the po-lice to comment, as dude after dude filed out of the party: "What a sausage hang..."  I don't know what exactly is funny, or entertaining, about bothering good, fun-loving, young Americans - if I were the FCC, or whoever controls tv, I would ban this show, and file criminal charges against the producers.  Also, I didn't appreciate that, when I texted Plumber to alert him of this atrocity, he immediately asked if there were any scenes in which an out-of-control old jalopy thundered across campus (not on the roads - the actual campus, you know, the grass and stuff) late one night during Senior Week with the po-lice in hot pursuit.  A couple of things: one, it wasn't just me in the car, it was also our other roommate AJ, and two girls; two, I wasn't driving, AJ was; three, yes, it was bad decision-making, but in our defense, we were super-drunk, so cut us some slack...Kids don't try this at home; also, never watch Campus PD, unless you want to have a serious case of the night terrors. 

Game Two will be Thursday night, again in Miami.  If you need me before then, I be will out having a car wash, a lemonade stand, and selling candy bars door-to-door, trying to raise money to send Thor to Game Two!  By the way, today is M.Minutos' birthday!  I love her, and she is still as lovely as a spring flower, although living with me for another year can't have helped...See you Thursday!

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Heat 83 Bulls 80 Heat win series 4-1

Prologue: I don't want to toot my own horn, but I just put the Miami Heat in the Finals with the most ridiculous reverse-jinx of all-time.  I'll leave what I wrote below, but so you know, I started writing this post with Miami down double-digits with about 8 minutes to go.  With about three minutes left, and Miami dead in the water still down 12, LeBron and Wade went on a ridiculous binge of threes and long jumpers to put Miami over the top, helped along by league MVP Derrick Rose (an insanely bad 9-29 from the floor) absolutely crumbling in the biggest moments of the game - he fouled Wade twice in the waning moments, including on a made triple, had  2 huge turnovers, including one with 40 seconds to go when LeBron stole a pass right out of his hands, missed a free throw with 20 seconds to go, and had his last-gasp jumper blocked by - guess who - LeBron.  Meanwhile, LeBron made a step back twenty footer to put Miami up a deuce with 30 seconds to go, and Chris Bosh made two free throws with 15 seconds left to win it.  Listen, I don't know what else I can do - no one has ever been more directly responsible for a team winning an elimination game and getting to the championship round than I was tonight.  START THE BUS, GAS UP THE PLANE, GET OUT OF TOWN -- WE ARE IN THE MUTHAFUCKIN' FINALS!!! LET'S GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Original post below:

6 Thoughts (with post-game epilogues!)

1) I'm not even going to lie - I'm starting this blog halfway through the fourth quarter because Miami is going to lose, and I don't want to be up half the night for the third night in 5 or 6 days.  I don't think I've started a post before a game was over since two seasons ago...For a game in which one team could get to the Finals, and one team could be eliminated, these two teams have played an atrocious game.  Chicago, with its season on the line, has been fairly terrible; but Miami has been even worse.  Don't know what the final score is going to be, but it's teetering on the verge of a blowout right now, as it has been most of the night.  Let us go!

Post-comeback epilogue for # 1: This was probably the second most ridiculous comeback in Heat history, after Game 3 of the Finals against Dallas in 2006.  LeBron and Wade went ham (one of LeBron's favorite words), and Bosh was terrific all night long with 20 points and 10 boards.  Combined, the three of them scored Miami's last 33 points.  Bosh was fantastic in this series, averaged 23 and 8 on 60% shooting (!) against arguably the best defensive frontline in basketball.  It says something about how he has played in the playoffs that I had no doubt he would knock down both free throws with 15 seconds left up 1 - in fact, I was actually hoping he would be the one to get fouled, and LeBron felt the same way: made sure to get him the ball, so Chicago would have to foul him...

2) Here's the good news: Miami is coming home for Game 6 on Saturday.  Here's the bad news: something is clearly wrong with Dwyane Wade.  The Heat and Wade aren't saying anything: they claim he's fine.  But he is clearly hurt in some way, or is having the migraine problems again.  Tonight, the TNT announcers are claiming they think it is his shoulder, since he keeps having it worked on while sitting on the bench.  That  may be.  But it looks more like his knees to me - he clearly has no elevation, and he is running his cuts very slowly.  He's had a little tendinitis before in his knees, and it can last for a week or two.  He has murdered Miami tonight - he had 9 turnovers through 3 quarters.  It's one of the worst games I can ever remember anyone playing; anyone else playing this bad would be taken out of the game.  It is all on the line for Miami on Saturday - one home game with a chance to get to the Finals.  The thought of losing and going back to Chicago for a seventh game is daunting.  Let's hope Dwyane feels better, because we have 65 points with 3 minutes left in the game tonight - and he's been the main problem...

Epilogue for # 2: After one of the worst games of his career, Wade scored 8 points in the last 3 minutes to finish with 21, including the four point play with two minutes to go to cut the lead to 3.  The Finals don't start until Tuesday - let's hope the extra time off helps Dwyane get healthier.

3) By the end of every game, I've forgotten that Mike Bibby is still on our team.  And he's a starter!

Epilogue for # 3: With Derrick Rose on the line with 15 seconds to go, down 2, he made the first free throw to cut the lead to 1.  After he missed the second free throw, and Miami grabbed the rebound and called timeout, M.Minutos demanded the dvr be rewound: "I'm pretty sure someone on the Heat bench threw a towel while he was releasing the free throw."  Not "someone," it turns out - Mike Bibby!  He hadn't been in the game for about 90 minutes, again I had forgotten he was on our team, and he took a towel and hurled it diagonally from his spot on the bench across the corner of the court to the baseline as Rose shot the ball in an attempt to distract him.  And it worked!  Look, when you're 0-4 in 16 minutes, and die hard fans are forgetting you are on the team by the start of the fourth quarter every game, you have to find other ways to contribute!

4) Much of this game has been a complaint-fest between Dwyane Wade and Derrick Rose.  Dwyane doesn't get a call and argues.  Then Rose doesn't get a call and he argues.  Then Wade goes over to the refs during a timeout to have a discussion with them, then Rose goes over and does the same thing.  It is  kind of weird that, nationally, these two guys are beloved; yet, LeBron, who rarely argues even though he gets fouled more often, and harder, than those two guys put together, is the one who kind of gets the "bad guy" rap.  Weird.  People would have a better idea of what goes on if they watched the games...

Epilogue for # 4: Only one guy had a reason to be complaining after the game, since the other guy was busy celebrating in the locker room.  And complain he did!  Rose: "It was my fault.  Turnovers down the stretch; fouls - if you want to call them that..."  He's a great player, he'll be back - I expect him to be right back in the conference finals next year, going disbelieving look at the ref for disbelieving look at the ref with Dwyane Wade.

5) When you are on the road, in a elimination game for the home team, you probably aren't going to get many calls.  Tonight was fine - Miami lost on their own.  In fact, one of the highlights for the Heat, in an otherwise dismal night, was a flurry of late third quarter fouls against Chicago that enraged the Bulls, and put off the blowout for a while.  The best foul in the flurry was probably a Carlos Boozer karate chop to the face of LeBron James on a drive, which put LeBron on the floor, and resulted in a flagrant foul for Boozer.  "Sometimes the calls just don't go your way," lamented Bulls coach Tom Thibodeau during his between-quarter interview a couple of minutes after the play.  True.  And you know when they almost never go your way?  When you karate chop a guy in the face!

Epilogue for # 5: For the past 7 years, I was conditioned to root against LeBron James.  Dude, if Dwyane Wade is your guy, you had to root against LeBron.  And I might not see LeBron play for a week, or a month, or six weeks.  And, inevitably, during that time, I would be watching Dwyane play every night, and I would start to think, "There is no way LeBron is better than this - no way.  Dwyane is the best player in the league."  Then Miami would play Cleveland, Dwyane would play great, but LeBron would play just a little bit better, and Cleveland would win.  And I'd hate it, I'd hate those moments, because I would be forced to look at M.Minutos and concede: "You know what?  LeBron is just a little bit better."  This season, watching LeBron game in and game out, at times it would be frustrating because it felt like he only asserted himself in spurts.  But, always, he maintained that he knew what he was doing.  And you know what?  He kind of knew what he was doing.  The way he played on both ends of the court in the eastern playoffs was ridiculous.  Some nights Dwyane was better; a couple of night Chris Bosh was even better.  But almost every single quarter of every single game, LeBron was great.  He just took this season's MVP and annihilated him.  Shut him down in the fourth quarter of four straight games, scored huge baskets himself, and won four straight games, including two on the road, against the best team in basetball this season.  He had 28, 11, and 6 tonight, with 3 steals, and 2 blocks, and won an absolutely unwinnable game down the stretch.  Most guys play a little worse in the playoffs due to the increased intensity across the board - Derrick Rose is a prime example.  He struggled for three straight rounds when teams game-planned for him.  But not LeBron - he's been better in the playoffs, if only because he plays every defensive possession with attention to detail.  I remembering telling people before the season that everyone wondering how Dwyane and LeBron would co-exist offensively were forgetting how tough they would be as a group defensively - I know I made the point that, when it matters, LeBron is the best shut-down defender in the league, and he ended this series by blocking the MVP's last-ditch attempt to tie the game...He is the best player in the league - why do I always end up convincing myself otherwise?  And you know what?  I don't know if we are going to win the title or not, but I am finally starting to kind of feel like he is one of us...One more time, as a tribute to LeBron, but quiet and matter-of-fact this time, as he often comports himself: Let's go.

6) So, today I was explaining one of my rules to someone: You must have a definitive opinion on music, or you are probably too boring to hang out with.  You can't be like, "Oh, I like all kinds of music."  Lame.  And, worse, boring.  It doesn't have to be a specific opinion - it just has to be a strong opinion.  For instance, The Captain loves jazz.  I don't like it, obviously, since it's atrocious.  However, The Captain does, and he will defend it vigorously, and I can respect that.  Then the person to whom I was explaining that rule then pointed out that it seems like I really have a lot of rules, and that it must be difficult to keep them all straight, but really it's not.  There are a lot of rules, true, but they can basically be distilled down into three distinct edicts by which I live:
1) Open air food is terrible.  Once food has left the preparation area, it has a very short shelf life amongst the general population before it quickly become inedible.  Once someone who is not a member of my immediate family has breathed on it - or even been close enough to it to breathe on it - it's over.  I don't eat that.
2) I am never, ever going to tell you my real feelings about anything.  I've learned in therapy that it turns out that I do have some vague-ish actual feelings, but I am never going to tell anyone what they are.  If I do tell you my feelings about something, you can rest assured that that isn't really how I feel.  It isn't so much that I don't want to tell you my real feelings; it's more that, in response, I don't want you to tell me your real feelings.  About anything!  Goodness gracious, let's just everybody keep their feelings to themselves!  It will be a much happier world.
3) If you are not from Connecticut, and most probably from the central to northern portions of Connecticut, no matter who you are, no matter what you say, no matter what you accomplish in life, I am always going to feel like you are a little bit below me, and everyone else who is from where I'm from.  That doesn't mean I won't like you, or be friends with you, and I'm not saying it is accurate or fair.  I'm just saying that it's always going to be somewhere in the back of my mind.

Finals don't start until Tuesday against Dallas.  Enjoy the long weekend everybody.  If you need me, I'll be going to some local youth games to argue with refs, to get ready for the Finals!  See you then!

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Heat 101 Bulls 93 ot Heat lead series 3-1

6 Thoughts

1) It's way, wayyy too late to be writing a blog tonight, so we are trying to go fast.  I have a dentist's appointment early tomorrow morning, so I need to get up.  By the way, I have geographic tongue, a very rare condition (although less so if you are Middle Eastern, which I am not) - so my dentist is always thrilled to see me.  This game was a grind: Wade was terrible, Rose was terrible, and Mike Miller and Ronnie Brewer, of all people, made big shots.  It's the playoffs, though, so there's only winning and misery - there's no style points, and tonight there was winning, thankfully.  Let's Go!

2) Bulls point guard Derrick Rose is a physical marvel, and he is basically unguardable in transition, and I absolutely agreed with him winning the MVP this year.  He was the best player on the best team in basketball all year long - that's how "we" "do" the MVP.  But to suggest that he is a better player than LeBron James is kind of dopey.  LeBron finishes plays more efficiently.  He is a better rebounder.  He is a better passer.  Most glaringly, LeBron can guard Derrick Rose; but Derrick Rose can't guard LeBron.  At the end of each game Miami has played against Chicago this year, in the last 5 minutes of the game, LeBron checks Derrick Rose defensively, with as much effectiveness as anyone can hope to have against such a great athlete.  Tonight, Rose had two chances to win the game in regulation, and both times tried to go one-on-one with LeBron.  The first shot, a step-back 18 footer with a strong LeBron contest was close, but bounced out.  The second one, trying to pull up going right off the dribble with LeBron all over him, was a two-and-a-half-feet-short airball, which sent the game to overtime.  Meanwhile, on the other end, the Bulls find the weakest Heat offensive player on the floor, and try putting Rose on him so that he doesn't have to guard LeBron or Wade.  Tonight Rose guarded Mike Miller much of the fourth quarter - in a related story, the thumbless Miller somehow willed in three jump shots and a runner in the final period, for 9 huge points.  This isn't even a knock on Rose - he's a terrific player - he just can't guard (at least yet) like LeBron, or even Wade.  Part of it is because he's smaller than those guys.  But guess what?  That's part of basketball...

3) Miami got down 11 in the first quarter, and the only player who seemed to show up at all was LeBron - his 12 first quarter points were the only things that kept the game from getting completely out of hand early.  He finished with 35.  In that first quarter, and all night long, balls seemed to bounce poorly for the Heat.  Loose balls on the Bulls offensive end caromed directly to open shooters; loose balls on Miami's offensive end caromed into the backcourt, where the Bulls ran it down and dunked.  Every time Miami got the game back close to even, a bounce, a squirt, or a trickle seemed to go the Bulls way, and keep them in the lead.  Until finally- finally - with a minute to go in overtime, and Miami up four on a couple of ridiculously tough LeBron James baskets, Derrick Rose drove middle, lost control of the ball on his own, and watched it squirt directly to Dwyane Wade, who scooped it up without hesitation and beat Rose and the virulently homophobic Joakim Noah down the court for a layup to ice the game.  Dwyane was terrible all four quarters of regulation, shooting only 5-16 with 4 free throws, and was, against all odds, outplayed by Mike Miller!  He did look glassy-eyed after the game, causing some to speculate if he was having his periodic migraine troubles.  Still, besides the steal and hoop, he also blocked 3 shots in overtime, and had one huge rebound in traffic.  He has not been great in this series, so Miami has been lucky to survive - they'll need a better effort from him to try to close this gritty Bulls team out.

4) Look, everyone has heard that Joakim Noah leaned into the crowd and called someone a "f-ing f--got" during Game 3.  I mean, we didn't just hear it - we saw it on the tv!  Especially in Casa Minutos, where the tape got rewound several dozen times: "He didn't just say what I think he did, did he?"  That cost him $50,000.  I don't condone the fine, really - if Joakim Noah wants to say that word, that's okay, I could care less.  Not sure how much his homophobia is going to hamper the gay rights movement in America.  But when LeBron drove left with just over a minute to go in overtime, absorbed a bodycheck from Noah which didn't get called a foul in a play reminiscent of a game ending play during the regular season when LeBron missed, but this time LeBron powered the ball up and in for an absolutely huge basket and a four point lead, and then strutted down the court shaking his head and saying over and over "I don't want the foul" - just know that entire play was for gay people everywhere.  Everybody can hate LeBron all they want - but you gay people better love him now.  And lesbians, too - I didn't just mean gay males, by the way...Man, am I ever tired.  What did I just write?

5) Play of the game: probably after the aforementioned Wade steal and layup to seal the victory, when the Bulls called timeout.  Wade ran to the bench and was met by a leaping side-hip bump from Chris Bosh; then got one from Mike Miller; then got one from a laughing Mario Chalmers!  Then, whoops - here came Eddie House hurtling for his own flying bump, only Dwyane wasn't ready for it, and Eddie House careened into him like a free safety hitting a tight end on a crossing pattern.  Wham!  Dwyane was already having a bad night!

6) Everyone knows I love the city of Miami.  And, speaking of gay issues, everyone knows I love Paul Walker, from the Fast and Furious movies.  So imagine my utter shock and, more importantly, delight, when I was in downtown Miami this morning, at a museum on NW 2nd Ave, took a short walk with M.Minutos down the street to scope out a cool place to get empanadas, and saw a little urban-landscaped park named PAUL WALKER PARK!!!  ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?  THIS IS LIKE WHEN REESE'S DISCOVERED THAT PEANUT BUTTER AND CHOCOLATE ARE FUCKING DELICIOUS TOGETHER!!! PAUL WALKER PARK - IN MY FAVORITE CITY!!!  JESUS MOTHER OF CHRIST!!!  GOODNIGHT!!!

Back Thursday night for Game 5 in Chicago.  That will be a tough one, trying to close out the best team in the league on the road.  Some people are always, like, "Oh, I'm looking forward to the challenge."  Not me, I never look forward to any challenge, I like things to be easy; if I had my way, the Bulls would just quit, not present a challenge.  So I don't expect to enjoy that game at all, because the Bulls will claw tooth and nail...Until then, I'll be- seriously, do I have to tell you where I will be?  PAUL WALKER PARK!!!

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