6 Thoughts
1) Back in Atlanta, the oddest game yet in a bizarre series. 5 games - 5 blowouts. This one was decided about 30 seconds into the game when it was apparent that Wade's back would not allow him to run freely, move laterally, or jump - that's problematic. Later in the first quarter, a violent collision with Josh Smith snapped Wade's body in half, whereupon he fell funny and whiplashed his head on the floor, leading to a 15 minute locker room visit after wobbling off the court. Nice. This leads to my first criticism of Coach Erik Spoelstra of the season - when the Heat got down 15 after a brief second quarter flurry of "you-make-the-call: flagrant-foul-or-not-a-flagrant-foul," hosted by Dick Bavetta and Violet Palmer, the game was over. Right then. You can't come back from 15 down on the road in a playoff game that those two are refereeing, especially if your best player is hurting. Dick loves the roar of the home crowd too much, and is always going to seek opportunities to get them going. As a road team, you can't get enough calls to make up that distance. That's not a criticism, and it didn't cost Miami the game - that's just how it is. Sometimes it works in your favor, sometimes it doesn't. And Violet Palmer is like a deer in the headlights - she would do anything not to get booed. So right then Spoelstra should have yakked Wade, let him rest, and hope he gets better for Game 6 Friday. If he doesn't, okay, the season is over, it was a great year filled with over achievement and fun. If he does, maybe you get one more shot at a Game 7. Instead Spo left him out there for 39 minutes. That's not even bad coaching, that's probably an indication of an early stage of mental retardation. I don't care if Wade demanded to play - you have to be the coach and sit him down. As it was, Wade shot the ball better in the third quarter, Miami made a couple of mild runs, only to have Bavetta squelch them with a couple of timely rally-killing calls to get the home crowd back into it, along with the 2,000th time in her career in which Violet Palmer has incorrectly interpreted the defensive three second rule. What was the point of Wade playing all those minutes hurt? I don't know...
2) Underrated aspect of the series: the never-changing facial expression of Hawks coach Mike Woodson. He has the approximate look of a guy who just got bumped in the rear while sitting at a red light, by a teenager eating McDonald's while driving. A quick inspection reveals no damage to either car, but Woodson is still wondering what the hell the kid is doing. Biggest factor in creating the face? Probably uber-talented but flaky Hawks forward Josh Smith who, up 20 with four minutes to go, tried to go through his legs and windmill a breakaway dunk and missed by approximately 8 feet.
3) Hawks center Al Horford, who has been abused by Jermaine O'Neal most of the series, went up to dunk early in the third quarter, got roofed by James Jones who just happened to time his jump right and come down right on the ball, forcing Horford down to the ground before he was ready to land. Horford hit the ground and bizarrely started trying to propel himself to his feet with his arms, without moving his lower body at all. It was a truly frightening moment - it looked like he either was having a seizure, or that his lower half was paralyzed and he was freaking out. Somehow, no, just a sprained ankle, which he eventually got up and walked off from, after shooting his free throws. By the way, he didn't return, as the Hawks decided to rest him for Game 6. Dwyane Wade, though, played on.
4) Sleazley Beasley redesigned the braids, realized no one on the Hawks can stay in front of him off the dribble, and drove to the rim to draw fouls and shoot 7 free throws on his way to 18 points and 5 boards in only 24 minutes. An NBA playoff game is nothing like an NBA regular season game. It is 50% more demanding physically, and 80% more demanding emotionally. It is invaluable for Mike to play in these games if he wants to be a big-time player - learning how to move on from an upsetting call, or an almost-over-the-line foul, or a bad turnover, and be ready to play the next possession is a huge lesson. He is obviously a very bright kid, but immature - let's hope he is taking these lessons to heart. Not too many 20 years old are in the position he is in - just learn from it, Big Red...
5) Went to the dentist this morning for a cleaning. My dentist recently expanded her practice by opening a new office and hiring another dentist. Met the new dentist this morning, a very nice gal in her early 30s. She introduced herself, then asked me my dental habits, which I described to her. She asked me if I ever brush my tongue, which I admitted that I do not. She advised me that although my teeth look great, it is a good extra thing to do for your hygiene. Furthermore, she said, and I quote, "when you get in the habit of brushing your tongue, it helps reduce the gag reflex that you experience when you place things in your mouth." ...aaannnd, cut! Wait, what? Spent about 45 minutes analyzing this at the Dos offices with The Captain. His long-standing contention is that approximately 45 percent of all people assume I am gay because I am tall, trim, wear preppy clothes, and have a balding-and-closely-shaved haircut. So he considered this more evidence of that phenomenon. Although, as I pointed out, if I were gay, I probably would have already solved the gag-reflex thing. "Maybe that's the only thing holding you back," mused The Captain. When I laughed, he said, "either way, for what it is worth, it seems like a lot of people are making the same mistake." Well then, that's nice.
6) Okay, so when your wife is presented with a very prestigious award by a large state university from which she received her Masters Degree, here is a list of things not to do at the awards ceremony and ensuing reception:
- Just before the ceremony is about to begin, do not encourage your seven year old to take a series of digital photos of the old lady with the insane leopard print hat sitting three rows in front of you, because five minutes into the ceremony they may be paying tribute to her because her husband recently passed away. Like, last week. Oops. And, they donated the money for the building you are sitting in.
- Don't open the program, which has a bio page on each of the honorees, briefly skim one and comment sarcastically, "hey, this dude's a nurse!" That guy may be sitting right behind you. If you do make that mistake, believe me, it's an automatic 'stink eye.' Don't ask me how I know, just take my word for it.
- Do not encourage your seven year old to do the limbo under a ribbon draped over eight rows of chairs because it might not be secured to anything, and when he hits it, it could just fall off all the chairs and prove impossible to re-drape. Also, if you are the person responsible for draping the ribbon in the first place, do yourself a favor and secure it with something.
- It isn't appropriate to switch the name tags of your five year old and your seven year old so that perfectly nice strangers who are congratulating your wife, and introducing themselves and their families, call your kids by the wrong names, sending them into paroxysms of laughter.
- Don't ask the catering guy with the mini lamb chops if people tell him that he looks like Vince Vaughn.
- Do not turn your five year old and seven year old loose on the nice guy playing acoustic guitar to set the mood for the reception, and have them start bouncing up and down in front of him like they are in a mosh pit while he is playing light, new age-y jazz, then have him lean in so that you can take a picture of the three of them. Although, honestly, he seemed happy that anyone noticed him.
- When you are waiting at the reception to introduce your sons to the president of the university, who also used to be the lieutenant governor of the state of Florida, for God's sake, don't mistake his second wife for his daughter. I mean, he is a handsome man - you think he couldn't get her? Wrong!
- Also, when you are speaking to said president/former lieutenant governor, after he poses for a picture with your kids which you only took so you can show it to The Captain at the Dos Minutos offices and enjoy a good chuckle, when that president successfully guesses the ages of your children, and then you congratulate him on his accuracy, and then he says, "hey, that's my only skill," don't look at him, shrug, and say, "well, at least that's something." By the way - did I mention that he's a handsome, handsome man? Kind of like a young Bob Barker.
Game 6 - Friday - elimination game. It could be the end of a most enjoyable season, which would be sad. On the other hand, I won't have to write, nor will you have to read, this stupid blog any longer...
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