In any case, it is a fair question. We wanted to do a regular summer podcast with Our Main Man Thor, but, as you are about to read, we got a little sidetracked. Here's the plan: today we are going to tell you what we here at Dos Minutos did all summer, then we are going to bounce back on Monday with our NBA season preview, including some of our readers' thoughts, then get right back in to our regular post-game format.
Technical note: we are also working on changing up our delivery system somewhat, because we have obtained too many subscribers, somehow. So some people are going to get emailed a link to the day's post; others are still going to receive an email with content; we are also probably going to go Twitter on you at some point. I am sure there will be a lot of technical difficulties along the way...Now, without no further ado, I present to you: "Dos Minutos Summer of 2009!"
So, there was this one night over the summer...look, we were hanging out with some new friends, Mike Beasley was there, he is a big fan of the blog, and we're drinking, and doing other stuff, and then he looks at me, and I look at him, and he's like, "Are you thinking what I am thinking?" And I'm like, "For sure!" In retrospect, I don't know...
So, Mike had to go to Houston to do a month in rehab - he's back now, better than ever, and ready for the '09-'010 season. While Mike was away, here is some of the stuff we were doing and thinking about at Dos Minutos National Headquarters:
Jon and Kate Plus Eight: We are all about Jon at Dos. Love him. Trashy, undereducated white women who talk too much are a dime a dozen. But mean Asian dudes? Rare find. We haven’t had an Asian villain this good since Pol Pot.
Obama Winning the Nobel Peace Prize: Initially we at Dos were of the opinion that no one knows anything about this award, has any idea of who has won it, and that there wasn’t a person alive qualified to form an actual informed opinion about whether or not this was a good selection…except, you know who does know something about the Nobel Peace Prize? That’s right – El Capitan , back and in mid-season form: “Of course I know about the Nobel Peace Prize. You should try reading a newspaper once in a while. It is given by a group of Finnish guys who live in Scandinavia and don’t do anything else at all except vote on this dumb award. The money for it was given by a guy named Nobel, I guess – now the prize money that the winners get is just interest on the principle from the initial gift. Past winners include Henry Kissinger, Mother Theresa, and Yassir Arafat, which only goes to show that Obama isn’t the absolute worst guy ever to win. Although, it is probably fair to assume that even Arafat did something…”
Swine Flu: No opinion.
Drinking John Dalys: That is, adding vodka to the traditional “Arnold Palmer” (one part ice tea, one part lemonade). Yes, this is good. By the way, though, drinking a couple, or eight, too many JDs can lead to some really, really dubious decision making, especially in the area of permanent body art.
The Wire: Now we are getting somewhere. Spent the first part of the summer watching every episode of the greatest tv show ever made. It is sixty hours of television - at Casa Dos we watched it in about three weeks! One of my proudest achievements! And the best tv show ever!
The Road: Put off reading this for a year or two, because I knew it was going to be tough. One of the most brutal, yet greatest, novels of the past fifty years, soon to be released as a crappy movie starring…Not even going to tell you who, actually. Read the book quick, before you see any previews and ruin the experience. For our less erudite readers (honestly, most of them): it is by Cormac McCarthy
Sarah Palin resigning as governor of Alaska : Wait – Sarah Palin was the governor of a state? Kate Plus Eight wasn’t available? Jesus…
Forgetting Sarah Marshall: After we finished watching The Wire, spent the second half of the summer watching this movie over and over. Mila Kunis – yes, we are in favor of her, she is currently "Miss Dos Minutos."
Gerard Butler: Douche. Starred in the gayest movie of all-time, The 300, now trying to recreate himself as a straight romantic comedy leading man. We aren’t buying it, and you seem like a huge douche, Gerard. And, yes, I am factoring in that I love Scotland …
Pitchfork.com: Alternative music website. Spent a lot of time on it, trying to figure out what bands it is cool to like. Spent the summer listening to: MGMT, Phoenix, The Virgins, Beirut, Deerhunter, and, from the oldest of schools, The Faces’ Greatest Hits.
TV Show Pitch: "CSI: Quarterback." We tentatively have Troy Aikman and Dan Marino attached to the project.
Book Pitch: "Red Like Me." I bronze myself reddish-brown, like an American Indian, and go underground to write an expose of the reservation gaming industry.
Double Names: We have really been following the Afghan election super-closely. Incumbent Hamid Karzai is in a run-off against challenger Abdullah Abdullah. I pointed out to El Capitan that for me, the double name is an automatic vote - I am pulling the lever for Abdullah Abdullah every time. But, we realized, it doesn't work in America. Like, a guy named John Johnson - I am going to think there is absolutely something wrong with that guy, just on general principle. I wonder how they feel in Afghanistan, and if this will help turn the election one way or the other.
Finally, a not-too-happy-true-life-incident from the summer:
So Thor, Rick, and I are sitting around Thor’s backyard one Sunday drinking John Dalys. It’s hot, the JDs are going down smooth…the only thing we are missing to make the day complete is Jamie, off getting engaged or something. So, like every Sunday, at some point Rick and I look at each other and we just know that, yes, it is time to go get milkshakes. So the three of us walk slowly around the corner from Thor’s house to the very excellent ice cream shop named, I don’t know, Jackson’s? There is a decent crowd at the takeout window, like always, so we wait a few minutes. Nothing out of the ordinary, except for Rick announcing that he is going to get chocolate. I mean, it is Florida , it’s August, it’s a hundred degrees – seems like vanilla is the call. But, like, whatever. So we get up to the front of the line, finally, and I order three milkshakes from the guy in the window – two vanilla, and one chocolate. Suddenly, a female voice from behind, with a thick Latina accent, hisses: “you’ve got to be kidding me.” So I turn around, and I’m like, “what?” And this young, hot Latina woman is just staring me down with the stink eye, and the only thing I can think of is the chocolate, so I’m like, “I know, it isn’t for me, I got a vanilla,” and she just spits out, with bilious venom, “we are all standing out here in the broiling heat and we have to wait while you three a-holes order milkshakes? They take like five times as long to make as a cone…” So I look over at Thor and Rick – Thor has pretty much retreated to the other end of the parking lot, and Rick now has his chocolate shake, and is sipping away contentedly. So I shrug my shoulders apologetically, and turn back to the window, where, fortunately, the guy has just finished our last shake. I pay him, and just beat it out of there without looking over at the young woman again, but I can feel her eyes burning a hole in my back. I’m sweating, and a little uneasy. We walk back to Thor’s, enjoying our milkshakes, but all, I think, a little rattled by the experience…Fucking Sotomayor…
See you on Monday with our season preview.
