6 Thoughts
1) M.Minutos: "How can you even write about that game?" Dos Minutos: "Because that's how we do! Let's go!"
2) That didn't go well at all! It was just like the first matchup on opening night in Boston: watch the Celtics shoot about 90 percent from the floor, climb back in to it, then lose at the end. And Dwyane Wade was terrible tonight, just like opening night in Boston: 2-12 for 8 points. Maybe we did anger the basketball gods!
3) Full disclosure: there was something wrong with my cable feed, so large chunks of the game looked like they were being played in Matrix-style scramble-vision - which, frankly, I enjoyed. If I have to watch Joel Anthony give up one more layup while he is standing with his head under the rim, I'm going to throw my workboot through the new tv. I don't even own workboots - I'm from Connecticut - but I'll go buy some just to do it. Dick's Sporting Goods just opened near my house. Dick's!
4) I feel badly for Spo. The Heat are struggling right now - that's fairly obvious. The problems are numerous: they get bullied in the paint; their offense is not cohesive, and there is too much standing around; Chris Bosh joue comme une fille...Do I think they will figure it out? Yes, I think they will figure it out. But for the time being, everyone is going to pile on Spo because the team is struggling, because he is not white, and because he is not Pat Riley. Do I think Riley is going to come down and coach again? I think it would have to get a lot worse. And I don't honestly believe that he wants to...But isn't there some small part of him, some bit of ego, like we all have, that, even now, is imagining the day when Wade and James come to his office, and they are like, "Coach, we need you," and he's like, "Nah, guys, I'm done, I'm washed up," and they are like, "No - you are the only one who can fix this," and he is like, "When I killed that small forward in Sacramento, I promised myself I would get out, and stay out," and they are like, "Coach - you did it before; you can do it again - we believe in you - you are the best..." Looooong, soulful pause, a look down at the floor, then he stands up and looks them square in the eyes: "Okay, my n*ggaz, here's what we are going to do..."
5) Okay, fellas, depressing game tonight, so we are switching gears early, going to answer some mail here at #5. Why? I thought I told you in #1: this is how we do!
Our favorite reader, R.Minutos, emailed us a question yesterday. Here goes – just so you know in advance, this is word-for-word, this had nothing to do with me:
“What is up with the influx of Indian (not casino, but curry) FHP troopers? I just got a ticket yesterday on 95 going 83 in a 65 speed zone. This is my second ticket and both troopers were pudgy, looked 12, and smelled like pungent curry sauce. Did I mention I hate the `popo?’
First of all, this is the most racist question we have ever received here, so congratulations on that. Second of all, you’re driving too fast. Slow down and enjoy life as a white man in America. Third of all, your email was so inappropriate in so many ways, that I may be reconsidering my position on the po-lice...
6) That wasn't the end of R.Minutos' email. He also wanted to give some dating advice specifically for the Dos audience. He knows, like I do, that there are a lot of lonely fellas out there in our audience looking for love, and we want to try our best to keep them away from the hookers. At least the really nasty street ones - the ones from legitimate escort services are probably pretty okay. Here's R.Minutos' favorite pickup move:
New move for my single, and straying married, friends. Next time you are at dinner and see a hot girl, or in [a mutual associate's] case, a hot guy, write a tic tac toe board on a napkin, mark a spot on the board then write your move and have the waiter (give waiter/waitress a tip to deliver) deliver it to your soon-to-be naughty-naughty. Keep an eye on the waiter and then give a slight waive and pantomime to write back. Then go back to your dinner. If all goes well the napkin should bounce between tables a few times. Once done, take the napkin over to her table and say either 1) it looks like you won my little game and I owe you a drink, I am heading over to the bar, you should join me. Or 2) I was trying to let you win, you kinda owe me a drink, but I won't hold you to it. I am heading to the bar, you should join me. This move crushes, and has worked wonders, except for this one pissed off boyfriend in Philly. Good will hunting and LET'S GO!!!
2 Thoughts: 1) The one part I don't get is how dumb are we assuming the girl is? I mean, after you write the tic tac toe board, make the first move, and send the waiter over to her with it, why do you have to pantomime to her to write on the napkin? She is too dumb to figure that out? Personally, I like smart girls, because I really like to talk to them. 2) All that notwithstanding, I don't see any possible scenario in which this doesn't work perfectly. Well done, Ho-renzo Lamas!!!
See you on Saturday night for Toronto - Chris Bosh's old team. Allez!!!
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