6 Thoughts
1) When you are playing at the end of a season against teams that have already been eliminated from the playoffs, it can be tougher than it would seem. The bad teams play differently than playoff contenders do: they are looser, take more playground-style shots, and have a lot of guys auditioning for jobs in the league. A team like Miami is working on its discipline and its sets, and if you are playing, say, another playoff team like Orlando, they are willing to go along with that, while working on their own sets. But you get in against a Cleveland, like last night, or a Washington tonight, those teams have different agendas. And one of the things on their agendas? Fighting! Live, from Washington D.C.'s Verizon Center, let's get ready to rummmmbbbbllllllllllle!!!
2) One night after Ryan Hollins and other Cavs got tough with Miami, the Washington Wizards, who were eliminated from the playoffs sometime around (when did the season start? October?) October, cranked it up another level. Early in the second quarter, Miami cadaver, I mean, center, Zydrunas Ilgauskas, caught a pass at the elbow, got slapped at by slender Wizard rookie guard John Wall, responded with a look away, medium-soft elbow to Wall's chin, whereupon Wall responded with a short right hook to Z's ribs! That's smart, go to the body early, try to take the bigger guy's legs! Z responded by grabbing Wall, then he himself got grabbed from behind by Wizards big man JaVale McGee, the proverbial third man in to the fight, only McGee suddenly was out of the fight when Juwan Howard came flying in from the side with a fairly cheap (but somewhat defensible, since McGee was grabbing Z from behind) body-check to McGee. That was ejections for Wall (for sure), Ilgauskas (highly questionable), Howard (reasonable), and a technical for McGee. Listen, John Wall is the Wizards' best player so that was great for Miami; and if you think I am going to complain that Ilguaskas and Juwan Howard also got ejected, you're crazy. I was hoping they would also eject James Jones and Eddie House, even though they weren't even in the game at the time, I don't think. In any case, the game stayed highly contentious, and competitive until the final few minutes, when Miami pulled away. Give the Wizards credit: they had nothing to lose, but played hard, and when you are a playoff team coming down the stretch, you have to expect that, and do the best you can to match their energy, even if it is hard to feel that way. Last night Miami couldn't do it. Tonight, just barely, they could.
3) For the second straight night, Dwyane Wade and LeBron James were utterly gassed by the end of the game. With Chalmers out for the last couple of weeks, and Mike Miller out for the last two nights, on top of Udonis Haslem's near season-long absence, the bench is positively atrocious right now. A typical second quarter lineup these days features LeBron James with Zydrunas Ilguaskas, Juwan Howard, James Jones, and Edward House. That's the best player in the league, plus four guys who should probably not be on a roster. One of the biggest problems is that Chalmers and Miller are, at a minimum, productive defenders, and the guys replacing them are not - so not only do Wade and LeBron have to shoulder the heaviest part of the offensive load, but also play the other's team best scorers defensively. That's a pain in the butt for those guys, it's annoying, and it's exhausting. Both Dwyane and LeBron had good offensive nights: 33 for Wade on 17 shots, with 9 assists, and 35 for LeBron on 16 shots, with 8 assists, 8 rebounds, and 5 steals - but they looked exhausted by having to play both ends, trying to muster energy against a bad team playing irrationally hard, and from carrying Chris Bosh, whose 26 and 8 had to be one of the worst 26 and 8s in league history, and was mostly a function of the Wizards paying so much attention to Dwyane and LeBron. It feels like we are right back to where we started with the Maitre d' - he isn't playing with force, he isn't finishing plays in traffic, he is standing with his head under the rim and his hands outstretched like a coat hanger while guys offensive rebound next to him and lay the ball back in...Isn't there any way he could have gotten ejected? I never thought I would ever - ever - ask this question, but: When is Mario Chalmers coming back? For the love of God, we need Emcee Chalmers!!!
4) Just when I thought we were out of the woods, just when notorious Heat killa Jamal Crawford is getting a little older, slowing down, and not killing the Heat, allowing all to breathe easier, then - here comes JORDAN Crawford!!!!! The Wizards rookie guard, who once famously dunked on LeBron in a summer pickup game which prompted LeBron's people to steal the video of it and kill all witnesses, pumped in 39 points on 24 shots, including 5-8 triples!!! Oh, no - a new Heat killa!!! Has the most questionable shot selection since- well, since Jamal Crawford, but just like Jamal, against Miami, he can't miss. I have a feeling I'm not going to enjoy this guy's work over the next decade...
5) During one early third quarter dead ball break in the action, the Verizon Center piped in - no joke - polka music on to the floor through its speaker system. Polka - progressive!!! Man, they don't call D.C. "The Chocolate City" for nothing, and that community absolutely loves its polka. Great job, sound-guy-at-the-Verizon-Center, way to have your finger on the pulse of America's most citi-fied game. A lot of people think basketball fans love hip hop, but nahhh, that's just a dumb stereotype - the Verizon Center knows how we get down!
6) Sticking to the "urban" theme, we have a race-related question from our boy Snets. As always, very smart move bringing it here:
I have a question though – and your vantage point on race makes you a good person to ask – why is it that when a black guy goes down in a basketball game – you think he’s dead – triage comes out from the bench – a hush falls over the crowd – but when a white guy gets his arm cut off he just makes a tourniquet out of the nearest ascot and goes on playing like nothing happened – this is especially noticeable in football but bball is not far behind.
Ummm, probably because white guys generally suck at basketball and have to do stuff like that to stay on the team? I mean, BESIDES MIKE BIBBY!!! Wait- what? He's black? Who cares - HE'S STILL AWESOME, AND THIS BLOG IS COLORBLIND!!! THE END!
Our next game is Friday against the Minnesota Timberwolves! Our old friend Mikey Beasley!!! You know it will be the same story in that game (and Sunday against the Nets) - woeful teams playing annoyingly hard and loose (we need a name for those games - any suggestions?). Add to that the fact that it is a classic "I hate what they did to me" opponent (because Mike most definitely hates what we did to him), and you can understand why, in his post-game interview, Spo called it "another big game," which is certainly the first time anyone has used that phrase in the same sentence with "Minnesota Timberwolves" this season. Until then, I'll be at the game, putting in work on the heavy bag, just in case the T-Wolves pull a John Wall and try to get physical with me!
-----
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Cavaliers 102 Heat 90
6 Thoughts
1) Oh, no! Just - oh, no! Well, my mom is from Cleveland - at least she is happy for one night! Or, she would be if she had ever heard of the Cavaliers. Or the Heat. Or LeBron James and Dwyane Wade. Or basketball. Or sports...No one ever said this job is easy every night - let's go!
2) Remember the game in Chicago when Chris Bosh shot 1-18 and it was, literally, probably the worst game I have ever seen a good player play? The stats won't show it, but tonight he was demonstrably worse. Holy Kitchen Nightmare, Maitre d'! He keyed a 19-0 third quarter Cavalier run by fumbling multiple pick-and-roll passes in the lane, and getting stripped of the ball; half-acquiring rebounds only to drop them directly out of bounds; and watching Cavalier after Cavalier finish plays at the rim while he looked on politely. He capped the run with back-to-back offensive possessions where he dribbled across the lane, somehow slipped to the floor, slid seven feet across the lane, and then lost the ball, leading to a run out, and then a feeble driving semi-hook attempt that Ryan Hollins - Ryan Hollins! - blocked easily, and then smashed Chris to the floor with an inadvertent elbow to the face, where he lay, rolling in agony, while the Cavs ran out again! And that was only the third quarter! In the fourth quarter, after Miami had climbed back to tie the game with Bosh on the bench - after getting down 20 during that 19-0 run - he came back in, and did the following: rolled down the lane, received a pass, was defended by Cavs point guard Ramon Sessions, who is 10 inches - at least - shorter than him, pumped faked him, allowing the bigger Cavs defenders to recover back to the paint, and block his delayed shot; dropped another pass while rolling to the basket, recovered it, re-stumbled to the floor with the shot clock running down, and then moshed an awful pass out to Mike Bibby, who dropped a triple with the shot clock going off; on the very next possession, rolled down the lane, dropped another entry pass, but it happened to go around the defender who wasn't anticipating Bosh dropping the uncontested pass, whereupon Bosh stepped around him, recovered the ball, and politely laid it in the basket - come to think of it, these two plays worked!; on the next defensive possession, was somehow in the paint, looking over his own baseline into the crowd, while the aforementioned 6'0" Ramon Sessions drove into the lane and laid the ball up past him; got another rolling half-hook blocked by Hollins, and then got out run down the court by Hollins, who received a pass in transition and dunked; drove the lane, turned his back to the basket, stumbled, and threw a shot wildly over his head that crashed off the backboard; and then, for the coup de grace, with Miami clinging to one last chance to stay in the game with three minutes to go, got fouled, went to the line, and missed both free throws. I was going to use the word vagina somewhere in this description, and then thought the better of it - that's inappropriate, even for this blog...I'm sure he wasn't trying to play this awful...Well, I'm not totally sure - but I'm pretty sure. Anyways, when the Heat are playing Boston on the road instead of at home in Round 2, we can all remember this game and laugh...
3) To be fair, it wasn't just Chris - everyone was pretty bad. EXCEPT FOR MR. BIB SHOTS, MIKE BIBBY, WHO RIPPED 7-11 TRIPLES FOR 23 POINTS AND WAS THE ONLY THING KEEPING US IN THE GAME MOST OF THE NIGHT!!! YOU TAKE WADE, LEBRON, AND BOSH - I'LL TAKE BIBBY AND PLAY YOU TWO ON FOUR!!! HOW DARE EVERYONE ELSE SPOIL THIS SHOOTING EXHIBITION BY BIBS!!! DAMN!!!
4) Just to put it out there - Cleveland played very hard (even Baron Davis), and it was good to see them give their fans something to cheer about in an otherwise dreadful season. It was also nice to just get back to playing basketball there. After the spectacle of the first return, to just go and play, and have the crowd enthusiastically boo LeBron, but no worse than a big game anywhere else, was refreshing. If LeBron had left New York City the way he left Cleveland, those people wouldn't even forgive him after he was dead. They wouldn't even forgive him after they were dead. People from the Midwest are so nice. Like my mom.
5) Unprecedented moment for Tony Fiorentino and Eric Reid - they got to be involved in a referee's call! After Cleveland made a triple with 1.9 seconds left in the third quarter, Miami took the ball out of bounds, tossed it to LeBron, who let it bounce, as he always does, then picked it up and nailed a 70 footer. Unfortunately, the clock operator had started the clock when the ball hit the floor, not when LeBron touched it, so his shot was released well after the buzzer. The Heat bench instantly pointed this out to the refereeing crew, who spent a good ten minutes reviewing the replays at the scorer's table, then came over to Eric and Tony to ask them if their cameras had a better angle! "Hey, ref, no we don't, but would you like to see a fastbreak dunk from directly under the basket where all you can see is the dunker's nuts?" Just kidding! The odd thing was that the regular game angle that Sunsports had did clearly show the clock starting early, but somehow this wasn't communicated clearly by a flustered Tony and Eric to the refs, who instead huddled back up at midcourt, and randomly (somewhat, since they never really saw the play if they were asking for a different angle) awarded the Heat 3 points. Guess what? It didn't help!
6) Political update: in my town, we have a former mayor of West Palm Beach, Lois Frankel, about whom I know nothing except that, like all politicians besides Speaker of the House John Boehner and Idaho Senator Mike Crapo, The Captain despises her, running for the House of Representatives against Kanye West! Yeezy!!! So exciting, in my own town!!! Wait- what? Ohhhhh, Allen West - you know, this rugged-loooking dude, with the 80's fade:
Heyyy, wait a minute! Is that former 80's New York Knick great Buck Williams? No? Are you sure? That Buck Williams picture is kinnnd of hazy - might be him!
Man, politics is exciting!!!
Okay, we have another game tomorrow against the Washington Bullets. This was supposed to be an easy week, but now I'm not so sure. If you need me until then, I'll be running screen-and-rolls with my toaster, just to see if it can receive an entry pass any stronger than Chris Bosh. Don't forget to vote!!!
-----
1) Oh, no! Just - oh, no! Well, my mom is from Cleveland - at least she is happy for one night! Or, she would be if she had ever heard of the Cavaliers. Or the Heat. Or LeBron James and Dwyane Wade. Or basketball. Or sports...No one ever said this job is easy every night - let's go!
2) Remember the game in Chicago when Chris Bosh shot 1-18 and it was, literally, probably the worst game I have ever seen a good player play? The stats won't show it, but tonight he was demonstrably worse. Holy Kitchen Nightmare, Maitre d'! He keyed a 19-0 third quarter Cavalier run by fumbling multiple pick-and-roll passes in the lane, and getting stripped of the ball; half-acquiring rebounds only to drop them directly out of bounds; and watching Cavalier after Cavalier finish plays at the rim while he looked on politely. He capped the run with back-to-back offensive possessions where he dribbled across the lane, somehow slipped to the floor, slid seven feet across the lane, and then lost the ball, leading to a run out, and then a feeble driving semi-hook attempt that Ryan Hollins - Ryan Hollins! - blocked easily, and then smashed Chris to the floor with an inadvertent elbow to the face, where he lay, rolling in agony, while the Cavs ran out again! And that was only the third quarter! In the fourth quarter, after Miami had climbed back to tie the game with Bosh on the bench - after getting down 20 during that 19-0 run - he came back in, and did the following: rolled down the lane, received a pass, was defended by Cavs point guard Ramon Sessions, who is 10 inches - at least - shorter than him, pumped faked him, allowing the bigger Cavs defenders to recover back to the paint, and block his delayed shot; dropped another pass while rolling to the basket, recovered it, re-stumbled to the floor with the shot clock running down, and then moshed an awful pass out to Mike Bibby, who dropped a triple with the shot clock going off; on the very next possession, rolled down the lane, dropped another entry pass, but it happened to go around the defender who wasn't anticipating Bosh dropping the uncontested pass, whereupon Bosh stepped around him, recovered the ball, and politely laid it in the basket - come to think of it, these two plays worked!; on the next defensive possession, was somehow in the paint, looking over his own baseline into the crowd, while the aforementioned 6'0" Ramon Sessions drove into the lane and laid the ball up past him; got another rolling half-hook blocked by Hollins, and then got out run down the court by Hollins, who received a pass in transition and dunked; drove the lane, turned his back to the basket, stumbled, and threw a shot wildly over his head that crashed off the backboard; and then, for the coup de grace, with Miami clinging to one last chance to stay in the game with three minutes to go, got fouled, went to the line, and missed both free throws. I was going to use the word vagina somewhere in this description, and then thought the better of it - that's inappropriate, even for this blog...I'm sure he wasn't trying to play this awful...Well, I'm not totally sure - but I'm pretty sure. Anyways, when the Heat are playing Boston on the road instead of at home in Round 2, we can all remember this game and laugh...
3) To be fair, it wasn't just Chris - everyone was pretty bad. EXCEPT FOR MR. BIB SHOTS, MIKE BIBBY, WHO RIPPED 7-11 TRIPLES FOR 23 POINTS AND WAS THE ONLY THING KEEPING US IN THE GAME MOST OF THE NIGHT!!! YOU TAKE WADE, LEBRON, AND BOSH - I'LL TAKE BIBBY AND PLAY YOU TWO ON FOUR!!! HOW DARE EVERYONE ELSE SPOIL THIS SHOOTING EXHIBITION BY BIBS!!! DAMN!!!
4) Just to put it out there - Cleveland played very hard (even Baron Davis), and it was good to see them give their fans something to cheer about in an otherwise dreadful season. It was also nice to just get back to playing basketball there. After the spectacle of the first return, to just go and play, and have the crowd enthusiastically boo LeBron, but no worse than a big game anywhere else, was refreshing. If LeBron had left New York City the way he left Cleveland, those people wouldn't even forgive him after he was dead. They wouldn't even forgive him after they were dead. People from the Midwest are so nice. Like my mom.
5) Unprecedented moment for Tony Fiorentino and Eric Reid - they got to be involved in a referee's call! After Cleveland made a triple with 1.9 seconds left in the third quarter, Miami took the ball out of bounds, tossed it to LeBron, who let it bounce, as he always does, then picked it up and nailed a 70 footer. Unfortunately, the clock operator had started the clock when the ball hit the floor, not when LeBron touched it, so his shot was released well after the buzzer. The Heat bench instantly pointed this out to the refereeing crew, who spent a good ten minutes reviewing the replays at the scorer's table, then came over to Eric and Tony to ask them if their cameras had a better angle! "Hey, ref, no we don't, but would you like to see a fastbreak dunk from directly under the basket where all you can see is the dunker's nuts?" Just kidding! The odd thing was that the regular game angle that Sunsports had did clearly show the clock starting early, but somehow this wasn't communicated clearly by a flustered Tony and Eric to the refs, who instead huddled back up at midcourt, and randomly (somewhat, since they never really saw the play if they were asking for a different angle) awarded the Heat 3 points. Guess what? It didn't help!
6) Political update: in my town, we have a former mayor of West Palm Beach, Lois Frankel, about whom I know nothing except that, like all politicians besides Speaker of the House John Boehner and Idaho Senator Mike Crapo, The Captain despises her, running for the House of Representatives against Kanye West! Yeezy!!! So exciting, in my own town!!! Wait- what? Ohhhhh, Allen West - you know, this rugged-loooking dude, with the 80's fade:
Heyyy, wait a minute! Is that former 80's New York Knick great Buck Williams? No? Are you sure? That Buck Williams picture is kinnnd of hazy - might be him!
Man, politics is exciting!!!
Okay, we have another game tomorrow against the Washington Bullets. This was supposed to be an easy week, but now I'm not so sure. If you need me until then, I'll be running screen-and-rolls with my toaster, just to see if it can receive an entry pass any stronger than Chris Bosh. Don't forget to vote!!!
-----
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Heat 125 Rockets 119
6 Thoughts
1) This game was extremely similar to the first matchup months ago in Houston. The Rockets turn the game in to a break-neck track meet, firing threes at the earliest opportunity, and making no effort whatsoever to defend their own rim. Miami plays along for the first three quarters, before buckling down late to get a couple of defensive stops, and win the game comfortably. It makes for an entertaining, if somewhat predictable, night, although I was distracted for a good twenty minutes in the first half because I thought the diet root beer I was drinking had somehow turned bad. It hadn't - it turned out it was actually just a diet coke, but I hadn't noticed the can...Let's go!
2) Wade (30, 11 rebs), LeBron (33, 10 rebs), and Bosh (31, 12 rebs) combined for 94 points and 33 rebounds. Can a team get to the Finals when three guys score virtually all the points, and get virtually all the rebounds, and have to make virtually all the defensive plays? I don't even remember a team trying. The one thing that is clear is that the three of them have improved the way they play together, especially in late game situations. The biggest change? On those late offensive possessions, Dwyane generally has the ball, and LeBron either screens for him and posts Dwyane's guy at the left elbow, or on a night like tonight where there would be no advantage in making Houston switch defenders (because they all stink), he just posts his own guy at the left elbow. His presence fifteen feet from the basket is exponentially more threatening to a defense than when he spaces the floor from twenty-five feet. Bosh plays on the right block, Bibby is up top, and a shooter (James Jones or the badly fading Mike Miller) plays in the far right corner. Often Dwyane fakes going over the screen, and suddenly rockets baseline by his defender. LeBron's guy is too busy guarding LeBron to be able to help in time, and if Bosh's guy can get there - and only a really quick defender can - Bosh is suddenly free at the rim for a dump off. But tonight Wade varied the play by actually going over the screen several times, once for a twisting layup, and once drawing Bibby's man to help, getting Bibby an open three that he drained. It is so much more fluid than the early season late game offense of LeBron trying to go off the dribble - and the adjustment says a lot about LeBron's ability to accept change and give up the ball to a more effective late game decision maker for the good of the team. We'll see if it lasts once the playoffs start - these next nine games are meaningless, and all about rehearsing these situations and making them as tight as possible once the post-season starts.
3) I don't think we have covered this before. Early in each game on Sunsports there is an ad in which a player pops up in the bottom of the screen above a Sunsports logo and explains to you that the game you are watching looks so good because "you are watching it in high def on Sunsports." Wade sells it like he sells everything: with a smile, even in his eyes, like a really good employee doing his job. LeBron is slightly stiffer, but he has done enough ads to know that he should give a little dramatic pause before the punch line - he's competent. Chalmers tries to be cute with it - he gives you a little sassy head nod after his initial "Now doesn't this picture look nice?" It is laughably silly - I guess the girls at Liv in Miami Beach like that. But the best - by far - is Chris Bosh. First of all, he's the only one who gives off the impression that he actually knows what the ad is for - the others could be reading copy for a car dealership, a charitable function, or a baby seal-clubbing event. Chris sounds like not only does he know that the ad is for the high def on Sunsports, but that he has gone home before shooting the ad, done research about high definition television, talked to some experts about it, maybe watched a game or two on side-by-side tv sets, one with high def and one with no high def, and concluded that, yes, this is absolutely the best option for the Sunsport viewer. He's honest, and he's earnest..He's the Maitre d'!!! By the way, that's 7 double-doubles in the last 8 games for Chris - ever since he called himself out a couple of weeks ago, and demanded more paint touches, he's been really, really good. He isn't exactly vintage Kenyon Martin on a wild rampage leaving bodies in his wake, but he's no longer Lisa Leslie, either. He's doing some things - let's hope that lasts in to the playoffs, too...
4) In today's Sun Sentinel, in a Q & A with Heat sideline reporter Jason Jackson, readers learned that Jax loves everything about Jamie Foxx's latest album, except for the giant stain left on one song by Drake, whom Jax dislikes with the intensity of a thousand suns. Readers of this blog, of course, already knew that. What neither readership knew about - before today - was Jax's passionate love for Harry Connick Jr! Right on! He's pretty white, he's dreamy, and he loves to sing an old-timey song - just like me!!! Still, I might have kept that one low. Very looowwwww. On the other hand, we all have music that we like that other people might think is odd, there's nothing wrong with that, right? Like, for instance, if one of someone's favorite albums was "Ladies and Gentlemen: The Best of George Michael," and especially the heart-achingly beautiful break-up song "Waiting for the Day," that would be cool, right, that wouldn't mean you are, like, a loser or anything, right? I mean, I don't know anyone who likes that particular album and song, I'm just saying if they did, that would be totally awesome that they felt the freedom to totally eschew what other people think is cool, and just go with what really feels good to them, right? Right?
5) Continuing on our Jax-related theme: Oh, no, Jax - now you've done it...During the pre-game game show "Hot Seconds with Jax," one of the questions attributed the invention of the fist-bump to former Sixers player, and now fringe NBA commentator, Fred "Mad Dog" Carter, in the 1970s. We've covered this in the blog before, but this is an absolute outrage. My friend and college roommate Plumber absolutely swears that he invented the fist-bump in the late 80s and early 90s, while playing intramural basketball at Boston College. Do I remember Plumber fist-bumping me during games? Not exactly, no, but in fairness, I was usually either drunk, or trying to guess how many hours late my girlfriend would be for whatever we were planning to do so that I could try to be even later, just to piss her off...Admittedly Plumber can be a little stubborn from time-to-time, even when the evidence in a case is against him, and, of course, in the 70s he was just a young boy, and NBA games were not as plentiful on tv as they are now. So is it possible that Plumber only thinks he invented the fist-bump, maybe even wasn't aware that it was already invented, essentially re-inventing it (which is just as good)? I've asked him this exact question many times. His answer: "No." There you have it: Plumber invented the fist bump...
6) Some day aren't we going to look back and be like, "Jesus - The Situation was the gayest dude ever. That's cool, it's fine - but how did we not realize it at the time?" Think about it: he always talks about hooking up with girls, but never does; he plucks his eyebrows down way too far; he's, like, 40, but still wears tight Ed Hardy t-shirts (reminds me: where the hell is Jon Plus Eight lately?); the slightly effete voice; the questionable hairdos - I have, like, 12 gay dudes in my gym who are exactly like this! I mean, we've made this mistake before, right? George Michael, Freddie Mercury, Tom Cruise, etc...Wait- what? Tom Cruise is still straight? Oh, okay - not Tom Cruise: he's still straight.
This week is a doozy, a lot of games, although not exactly the toughest teams. First up: Cleveland (The Return, pt II), on Tuesday. Until then, if you need me, I'll be listening to my iPod, but definitely not to George Michael's "Waiting for the Day..."
-----
1) This game was extremely similar to the first matchup months ago in Houston. The Rockets turn the game in to a break-neck track meet, firing threes at the earliest opportunity, and making no effort whatsoever to defend their own rim. Miami plays along for the first three quarters, before buckling down late to get a couple of defensive stops, and win the game comfortably. It makes for an entertaining, if somewhat predictable, night, although I was distracted for a good twenty minutes in the first half because I thought the diet root beer I was drinking had somehow turned bad. It hadn't - it turned out it was actually just a diet coke, but I hadn't noticed the can...Let's go!
2) Wade (30, 11 rebs), LeBron (33, 10 rebs), and Bosh (31, 12 rebs) combined for 94 points and 33 rebounds. Can a team get to the Finals when three guys score virtually all the points, and get virtually all the rebounds, and have to make virtually all the defensive plays? I don't even remember a team trying. The one thing that is clear is that the three of them have improved the way they play together, especially in late game situations. The biggest change? On those late offensive possessions, Dwyane generally has the ball, and LeBron either screens for him and posts Dwyane's guy at the left elbow, or on a night like tonight where there would be no advantage in making Houston switch defenders (because they all stink), he just posts his own guy at the left elbow. His presence fifteen feet from the basket is exponentially more threatening to a defense than when he spaces the floor from twenty-five feet. Bosh plays on the right block, Bibby is up top, and a shooter (James Jones or the badly fading Mike Miller) plays in the far right corner. Often Dwyane fakes going over the screen, and suddenly rockets baseline by his defender. LeBron's guy is too busy guarding LeBron to be able to help in time, and if Bosh's guy can get there - and only a really quick defender can - Bosh is suddenly free at the rim for a dump off. But tonight Wade varied the play by actually going over the screen several times, once for a twisting layup, and once drawing Bibby's man to help, getting Bibby an open three that he drained. It is so much more fluid than the early season late game offense of LeBron trying to go off the dribble - and the adjustment says a lot about LeBron's ability to accept change and give up the ball to a more effective late game decision maker for the good of the team. We'll see if it lasts once the playoffs start - these next nine games are meaningless, and all about rehearsing these situations and making them as tight as possible once the post-season starts.
3) I don't think we have covered this before. Early in each game on Sunsports there is an ad in which a player pops up in the bottom of the screen above a Sunsports logo and explains to you that the game you are watching looks so good because "you are watching it in high def on Sunsports." Wade sells it like he sells everything: with a smile, even in his eyes, like a really good employee doing his job. LeBron is slightly stiffer, but he has done enough ads to know that he should give a little dramatic pause before the punch line - he's competent. Chalmers tries to be cute with it - he gives you a little sassy head nod after his initial "Now doesn't this picture look nice?" It is laughably silly - I guess the girls at Liv in Miami Beach like that. But the best - by far - is Chris Bosh. First of all, he's the only one who gives off the impression that he actually knows what the ad is for - the others could be reading copy for a car dealership, a charitable function, or a baby seal-clubbing event. Chris sounds like not only does he know that the ad is for the high def on Sunsports, but that he has gone home before shooting the ad, done research about high definition television, talked to some experts about it, maybe watched a game or two on side-by-side tv sets, one with high def and one with no high def, and concluded that, yes, this is absolutely the best option for the Sunsport viewer. He's honest, and he's earnest..He's the Maitre d'!!! By the way, that's 7 double-doubles in the last 8 games for Chris - ever since he called himself out a couple of weeks ago, and demanded more paint touches, he's been really, really good. He isn't exactly vintage Kenyon Martin on a wild rampage leaving bodies in his wake, but he's no longer Lisa Leslie, either. He's doing some things - let's hope that lasts in to the playoffs, too...
4) In today's Sun Sentinel, in a Q & A with Heat sideline reporter Jason Jackson, readers learned that Jax loves everything about Jamie Foxx's latest album, except for the giant stain left on one song by Drake, whom Jax dislikes with the intensity of a thousand suns. Readers of this blog, of course, already knew that. What neither readership knew about - before today - was Jax's passionate love for Harry Connick Jr! Right on! He's pretty white, he's dreamy, and he loves to sing an old-timey song - just like me!!! Still, I might have kept that one low. Very looowwwww. On the other hand, we all have music that we like that other people might think is odd, there's nothing wrong with that, right? Like, for instance, if one of someone's favorite albums was "Ladies and Gentlemen: The Best of George Michael," and especially the heart-achingly beautiful break-up song "Waiting for the Day," that would be cool, right, that wouldn't mean you are, like, a loser or anything, right? I mean, I don't know anyone who likes that particular album and song, I'm just saying if they did, that would be totally awesome that they felt the freedom to totally eschew what other people think is cool, and just go with what really feels good to them, right? Right?
5) Continuing on our Jax-related theme: Oh, no, Jax - now you've done it...During the pre-game game show "Hot Seconds with Jax," one of the questions attributed the invention of the fist-bump to former Sixers player, and now fringe NBA commentator, Fred "Mad Dog" Carter, in the 1970s. We've covered this in the blog before, but this is an absolute outrage. My friend and college roommate Plumber absolutely swears that he invented the fist-bump in the late 80s and early 90s, while playing intramural basketball at Boston College. Do I remember Plumber fist-bumping me during games? Not exactly, no, but in fairness, I was usually either drunk, or trying to guess how many hours late my girlfriend would be for whatever we were planning to do so that I could try to be even later, just to piss her off...Admittedly Plumber can be a little stubborn from time-to-time, even when the evidence in a case is against him, and, of course, in the 70s he was just a young boy, and NBA games were not as plentiful on tv as they are now. So is it possible that Plumber only thinks he invented the fist-bump, maybe even wasn't aware that it was already invented, essentially re-inventing it (which is just as good)? I've asked him this exact question many times. His answer: "No." There you have it: Plumber invented the fist bump...
6) Some day aren't we going to look back and be like, "Jesus - The Situation was the gayest dude ever. That's cool, it's fine - but how did we not realize it at the time?" Think about it: he always talks about hooking up with girls, but never does; he plucks his eyebrows down way too far; he's, like, 40, but still wears tight Ed Hardy t-shirts (reminds me: where the hell is Jon Plus Eight lately?); the slightly effete voice; the questionable hairdos - I have, like, 12 gay dudes in my gym who are exactly like this! I mean, we've made this mistake before, right? George Michael, Freddie Mercury, Tom Cruise, etc...Wait- what? Tom Cruise is still straight? Oh, okay - not Tom Cruise: he's still straight.
This week is a doozy, a lot of games, although not exactly the toughest teams. First up: Cleveland (The Return, pt II), on Tuesday. Until then, if you need me, I'll be listening to my iPod, but definitely not to George Michael's "Waiting for the Day..."
-----
Friday, March 25, 2011
Heat 111 Sixers 99
6 Thoughts
1) Due to a dvr snafu, I joined this game 6 minutes into the second quarter with the Heat down by 16...and they instantly went on a huge run, and outscored the Sixers 25-8 for the rest of the quarter: I won this game with the reverse jinx! You're welcome!
2) Play of the game: After Philly took a 7 point lead early in the 4th quarter, Dwyane Wade capped a 7-0 run by slapping a Thaddeus Young layup off the backboard from behind, gathering the rebound, motoring down court weaving through the other 9 players on the court - and the three referees - and finished to tie the score, leading to hyper-frenetic Sixer coach Doug Collins' fourteenth timeout of the game! How many timeouts are they allowed? Wade controlled the game from there, as the Heat won going away: 18 for Dwyane in the 4th, to go with 19 in the second. 39 total for Dwyane, along with 11 rebounds, 8 assists, 3 steals, and 5 - five - blocks! That's a full night's work, right there - Doug Collins is probably still trying to call another time out right now to stop him...
3) LeBron was also excellent with 32 points and 10 rebounds, and the Maitre d', Chris Bosh, had an efficient 20 and 10. It was the first game all year that each had a double-double in the same game. Key moment: after the Sixers had taken the aforementioned 7 point fourth quarter lead on the strength of a Lou Williams 8-9 shooting performance, LeBron demonstratively asked to guard him in the huddle during a timeout. And. He. Shut. Him. Down. LeBron is always solid defensively, in a quiet, but efficient way, cranking it up only when necessary. Wade, LeBron, and Bosh have been excellent lately - they are playing off each other more effectively, using screens amongst the three of them, moving without the ball, and getting to the rim more frequently (though LeBron still can't get a call!). If the season has been slightly underwhelming - and keep it in perspective, because they are going to win 55+ games - it hasn't been their fault...They can't get consistent help from the other guys, especially the bench...
4)...and that was an ongoing problem tonight. UD: still missing. Mike Miller: is either still nursing a sore thumb, or is on the world's longest-ever "Karl Malone" (hand feels fine when he makes a play; but when a shot misses, a lot of massaging the 'hurt' digit). Either way, can make one shot in a row, but not two. James Jones: can make a shot, but gets picked on defensively. Eddie House: insane. Spo is just rotating them in and out, and then in again, searching for someone to make two jumpers in a row. It's frustrating: you can't ask for much more from the three main guys - they just need a little bit of help from everyone else. James Jones' late three tonight iced the game, but if these guys helped in the first 47 minutes, it would never even come to that. Eric and Tony love to talk about "bench scoring," which is an absurd stat - if you have to get a lot of scoring off the bench, guess what? You stink! But Miami's bench is comprised almost entirely of shooters, and right now they aren't getting consistent shooting from those guys: 4-15 tonight...
5) Budding NBA fan O.Minutos hadn't really seen Elton Brand play before - the other Sixer games this year must have been school nights. Trying to describe Brand's game to him, the closest I could come up with is if you took one of the big blue mailboxes that they have outside of the post office, dragged it into the middle of the lane, filled it with super-heavy mail, and then nailed it to the floor, but not with regular nails - with big, huge industrial spikes. "His arms are essential, too," pointed out M.Minutos, "Because he needs them to foul people." Yes, yes he does. A solid 8 points on 4-10 in 39 motionless minutes for Brand tonight. The Sixers are the most probable first round playoff opponent for the Heat, so I apologize now for the monster series Brand is going to have against them...By the way, it warrants a brief mention that somehow Boston lost at home to Charlotte tonight: they've lost to Charlotte, the Clippers, and New Jersey, amongst others, in the past couple of weeks, and Miami is only 1 loss behind them in the standings. Does it matter? Not really. Why? Because as I've mentioned before, even if Miami passes them, Baby Davis is still going to end Miami's season by ripping a rebound out of Chris Bosh's hands and laying it in the basket at the most crucial of moments. Baby's not going to care whether or not Miami passes Boston to get homecourt advantage for that series...
6) Text from R.Minutos yesterday:
“I am having a debate with Thor regarding washroom attendants. I tend to shell out a buck, then raid the “three c’s:” candy, cologne, and condoms. Thor takes the 'no tip' approach, pulls out his hand sanitizer from his pocket, announces in a mumble that he is 'good,' then dismisses the attendant. Please advise in your next post the proper washroom attendant protocol…”
Another great question from R.Minutos. Thor is clearly wrong in his approach – I would never pull out hand sanitizer in the washroom, or anywhere else, because I am a man, and men don't carry around their own bottles of hand sanitizer. That’s absurd, and I don’t even have a man purse to carry it in…But R.Minutos is even more wrong. Dude: you are wearing condoms and eating candy THAT CAME FROM THE TOILET!!! EWWWWWW!!! So, I guess Thor is the winner! First prize: two large, homemade R.Minutos’ signature Cajun Blue Cheese pizza pies. Second prize: a set of steak knives. Third prize: you’re fired…
Next game is Sunday against Houston - the first game, in Houston, was one of the season's most entertaining. Until then if you need me, I'll be rooting against John Calipari in the NCAA tournament. Remember - the greatest trick the devil ever played was making people think he didn't exist...
-----
1) Due to a dvr snafu, I joined this game 6 minutes into the second quarter with the Heat down by 16...and they instantly went on a huge run, and outscored the Sixers 25-8 for the rest of the quarter: I won this game with the reverse jinx! You're welcome!
2) Play of the game: After Philly took a 7 point lead early in the 4th quarter, Dwyane Wade capped a 7-0 run by slapping a Thaddeus Young layup off the backboard from behind, gathering the rebound, motoring down court weaving through the other 9 players on the court - and the three referees - and finished to tie the score, leading to hyper-frenetic Sixer coach Doug Collins' fourteenth timeout of the game! How many timeouts are they allowed? Wade controlled the game from there, as the Heat won going away: 18 for Dwyane in the 4th, to go with 19 in the second. 39 total for Dwyane, along with 11 rebounds, 8 assists, 3 steals, and 5 - five - blocks! That's a full night's work, right there - Doug Collins is probably still trying to call another time out right now to stop him...
3) LeBron was also excellent with 32 points and 10 rebounds, and the Maitre d', Chris Bosh, had an efficient 20 and 10. It was the first game all year that each had a double-double in the same game. Key moment: after the Sixers had taken the aforementioned 7 point fourth quarter lead on the strength of a Lou Williams 8-9 shooting performance, LeBron demonstratively asked to guard him in the huddle during a timeout. And. He. Shut. Him. Down. LeBron is always solid defensively, in a quiet, but efficient way, cranking it up only when necessary. Wade, LeBron, and Bosh have been excellent lately - they are playing off each other more effectively, using screens amongst the three of them, moving without the ball, and getting to the rim more frequently (though LeBron still can't get a call!). If the season has been slightly underwhelming - and keep it in perspective, because they are going to win 55+ games - it hasn't been their fault...They can't get consistent help from the other guys, especially the bench...
4)...and that was an ongoing problem tonight. UD: still missing. Mike Miller: is either still nursing a sore thumb, or is on the world's longest-ever "Karl Malone" (hand feels fine when he makes a play; but when a shot misses, a lot of massaging the 'hurt' digit). Either way, can make one shot in a row, but not two. James Jones: can make a shot, but gets picked on defensively. Eddie House: insane. Spo is just rotating them in and out, and then in again, searching for someone to make two jumpers in a row. It's frustrating: you can't ask for much more from the three main guys - they just need a little bit of help from everyone else. James Jones' late three tonight iced the game, but if these guys helped in the first 47 minutes, it would never even come to that. Eric and Tony love to talk about "bench scoring," which is an absurd stat - if you have to get a lot of scoring off the bench, guess what? You stink! But Miami's bench is comprised almost entirely of shooters, and right now they aren't getting consistent shooting from those guys: 4-15 tonight...
5) Budding NBA fan O.Minutos hadn't really seen Elton Brand play before - the other Sixer games this year must have been school nights. Trying to describe Brand's game to him, the closest I could come up with is if you took one of the big blue mailboxes that they have outside of the post office, dragged it into the middle of the lane, filled it with super-heavy mail, and then nailed it to the floor, but not with regular nails - with big, huge industrial spikes. "His arms are essential, too," pointed out M.Minutos, "Because he needs them to foul people." Yes, yes he does. A solid 8 points on 4-10 in 39 motionless minutes for Brand tonight. The Sixers are the most probable first round playoff opponent for the Heat, so I apologize now for the monster series Brand is going to have against them...By the way, it warrants a brief mention that somehow Boston lost at home to Charlotte tonight: they've lost to Charlotte, the Clippers, and New Jersey, amongst others, in the past couple of weeks, and Miami is only 1 loss behind them in the standings. Does it matter? Not really. Why? Because as I've mentioned before, even if Miami passes them, Baby Davis is still going to end Miami's season by ripping a rebound out of Chris Bosh's hands and laying it in the basket at the most crucial of moments. Baby's not going to care whether or not Miami passes Boston to get homecourt advantage for that series...
6) Text from R.Minutos yesterday:
“I am having a debate with Thor regarding washroom attendants. I tend to shell out a buck, then raid the “three c’s:” candy, cologne, and condoms. Thor takes the 'no tip' approach, pulls out his hand sanitizer from his pocket, announces in a mumble that he is 'good,' then dismisses the attendant. Please advise in your next post the proper washroom attendant protocol…”
Another great question from R.Minutos. Thor is clearly wrong in his approach – I would never pull out hand sanitizer in the washroom, or anywhere else, because I am a man, and men don't carry around their own bottles of hand sanitizer. That’s absurd, and I don’t even have a man purse to carry it in…But R.Minutos is even more wrong. Dude: you are wearing condoms and eating candy THAT CAME FROM THE TOILET!!! EWWWWWW!!! So, I guess Thor is the winner! First prize: two large, homemade R.Minutos’ signature Cajun Blue Cheese pizza pies. Second prize: a set of steak knives. Third prize: you’re fired…
Next game is Sunday against Houston - the first game, in Houston, was one of the season's most entertaining. Until then if you need me, I'll be rooting against John Calipari in the NCAA tournament. Remember - the greatest trick the devil ever played was making people think he didn't exist...
-----
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Heat 100 Pistons 94
6 Thoughts
1) This game was not over until Pistons rookie power forward Greg Monroe missed an uncontested layup with 25 seconds to go and the Pistons down 4. "He'll feel terrible when he thinks back and reminisces about that one," celebrated Eric Reid..."Hey, remember that time I missed an uncontested layup against Miami at the biggest moment of the game and made us lose?" "Yeah - that was tonight, dumbass." "Oh, right." Let's go, fast, cuz we in Detroit and trying to get out!!!
2) Oh my gosh, was this game ever in Detroit! It was the quietest, most depressed crowd I can ever remember hearing. Sometimes the Heat go to other cities - Atlanta, New Jersey, Charlotte, etc. - and there is no one there, but the few people who are there at least cheer LeBron and Dwyane's dunks. This Detroit crowd? Nothing. No-thing. They have even stopped doing that ridiculously non-pejorative-homo-erotic, sing-songy chant when the opposing team turns the ball over: "Dee-troit Basket-ball!" People were probably getting mad that the PA announcer was waking them up. Anyways, just to reset: Miami is in third place in the East, has 11 games left in the season, and probably can't win or lose enough games to move up or down a place in the standings, making these next three weeks or so completely irrelevant. Boston, in second place, lost tonight, at home to Memphis (too bad for the Celtics that South Beach isn't in Boston's North End): Eric Reid and Tony Fiorentino saw this as a positive, thinking it gave Miami hope of catching the Celtics, but realistically, Miami is 2 losses behind, and Boston wins the tiebreaker, so that race is pretty much over. Boston's loss is really more of a negative - it would be preferable for Boston to win out and catch Chicago for the 1 seed, so that Miami would get the Bulls, not the Celtics, in the second round. But whatever, that's for a few weeks from now: somehow we have to get through these sloggy last 11 games...
3) Mario Chalmers is out with a sprained knee for a couple of weeks, so Miami started Mike Bibby. How did it go? Not. Real. Well. The Pistons, who have a unique amount of size at the guards, posted Bibby over and over and over, causing Miami a lot of problems, especially on a Wednesday in Detroit, when no one felt like running to help him (or even watching the game, for that matter). He did keep them fairly well organized on offense when he could pry the ball out of LeBron's hands in the halfcourt, didn't turn the ball over, and not one time did he ever take off on a dribbling foray around the court that made you go, aloud, "whooooooaaaaaa," before ultimately gyroscoping to a dark corner of the court and dribbling the ball off his foot out of bounds, as Chalmers will do from time to time. So that was a positive. I'd say, overall: sides was even.
4) It was a boring, depressing game to watch - some games in an NBA season are just like that, especially ones in Detroit. My nadir occurred in the fourth quarter when I was praying for the game to be over, so I could write this stupid blog and go to bed, and a ballboy came out to mop a wet spot under the rim before a free throw, and the ref and 2 players were showing the kid where to mop, but instead of mopping, the kid was was just standing there motionless, with his mop on the floor, looking at them like they were speaking in Egyptian hieroglyphics. I may or may not have screamed "Just fucking mop something!" at the tv screen, and may or may not have been told by M.Minutos to try to cool out. Jesus - I don't know what to tell you: the kid wasn't mopping anything!
5) Punks jump up to get beat down, Michael Beasley! Whoa! From the T-Wolves game this past weekend against the Lakers (stay with it for one full minute, so you get to see both slow motion angles):
Glad to see that, in the end, cooler heads prevailed, like Matt Barnes!
6) Tommy Wade's Weekly Video Corner: As you know, last week, in his never-ending attempt to keep this blog current, our great reader Tommy Wade sent us videos by the adorably racist blonde UCLA student, and the Chinese-Amish dude. This week, the video Tommy sent must have been especially good, because by the time I tried to watch it, Youtube had removed it for some kind of violation! Not to worry, because Tommy also had a question, and since we don't have a video, let's take a look at it:
Random thought, you mentioned before that ur Gay Transporter-like looks give u extra "charm power"?
Correct me if i'm wrong, but you seem to be pretty in tuned and aware with body language and such.
I personally think that the ability to charm people is such an underrated skill set! It's a fun way of "healthy manipulation."
What are your thoughts?
Tommy, that's a great question, and, first of all, you are absolutely right, I am very in tune and aware of body language and such. Second of all, you were very wise to bring such an important question here, to a jokey basketball blog about the Miami Heat, which also specializes in making up fake stories about concerts that we didn't attend. To answer your question, I don't know whether the ability to charm people is underrated or overrated - my therapist would say that if people like you, it's o-kay, and if people don't like you, that's o-kay. For me personally, pretending to be reasonably nice so that I can get something out of people is really the only thing in life that matters to me, although for "healthy manipulation," I usually just use my hand. Thank you, thank you!..Again, great question, Tommy, and next time I will try to watch the video and post it quicker!
We are off until Friday, when there is another completely meaningless game against Philadelphia. Until then, if you need me, I'll be down on the block, posting up Mike Bibby...
-----
1) This game was not over until Pistons rookie power forward Greg Monroe missed an uncontested layup with 25 seconds to go and the Pistons down 4. "He'll feel terrible when he thinks back and reminisces about that one," celebrated Eric Reid..."Hey, remember that time I missed an uncontested layup against Miami at the biggest moment of the game and made us lose?" "Yeah - that was tonight, dumbass." "Oh, right." Let's go, fast, cuz we in Detroit and trying to get out!!!
2) Oh my gosh, was this game ever in Detroit! It was the quietest, most depressed crowd I can ever remember hearing. Sometimes the Heat go to other cities - Atlanta, New Jersey, Charlotte, etc. - and there is no one there, but the few people who are there at least cheer LeBron and Dwyane's dunks. This Detroit crowd? Nothing. No-thing. They have even stopped doing that ridiculously non-pejorative-homo-erotic, sing-songy chant when the opposing team turns the ball over: "Dee-troit Basket-ball!" People were probably getting mad that the PA announcer was waking them up. Anyways, just to reset: Miami is in third place in the East, has 11 games left in the season, and probably can't win or lose enough games to move up or down a place in the standings, making these next three weeks or so completely irrelevant. Boston, in second place, lost tonight, at home to Memphis (too bad for the Celtics that South Beach isn't in Boston's North End): Eric Reid and Tony Fiorentino saw this as a positive, thinking it gave Miami hope of catching the Celtics, but realistically, Miami is 2 losses behind, and Boston wins the tiebreaker, so that race is pretty much over. Boston's loss is really more of a negative - it would be preferable for Boston to win out and catch Chicago for the 1 seed, so that Miami would get the Bulls, not the Celtics, in the second round. But whatever, that's for a few weeks from now: somehow we have to get through these sloggy last 11 games...
3) Mario Chalmers is out with a sprained knee for a couple of weeks, so Miami started Mike Bibby. How did it go? Not. Real. Well. The Pistons, who have a unique amount of size at the guards, posted Bibby over and over and over, causing Miami a lot of problems, especially on a Wednesday in Detroit, when no one felt like running to help him (or even watching the game, for that matter). He did keep them fairly well organized on offense when he could pry the ball out of LeBron's hands in the halfcourt, didn't turn the ball over, and not one time did he ever take off on a dribbling foray around the court that made you go, aloud, "whooooooaaaaaa," before ultimately gyroscoping to a dark corner of the court and dribbling the ball off his foot out of bounds, as Chalmers will do from time to time. So that was a positive. I'd say, overall: sides was even.
4) It was a boring, depressing game to watch - some games in an NBA season are just like that, especially ones in Detroit. My nadir occurred in the fourth quarter when I was praying for the game to be over, so I could write this stupid blog and go to bed, and a ballboy came out to mop a wet spot under the rim before a free throw, and the ref and 2 players were showing the kid where to mop, but instead of mopping, the kid was was just standing there motionless, with his mop on the floor, looking at them like they were speaking in Egyptian hieroglyphics. I may or may not have screamed "Just fucking mop something!" at the tv screen, and may or may not have been told by M.Minutos to try to cool out. Jesus - I don't know what to tell you: the kid wasn't mopping anything!
5) Punks jump up to get beat down, Michael Beasley! Whoa! From the T-Wolves game this past weekend against the Lakers (stay with it for one full minute, so you get to see both slow motion angles):
Glad to see that, in the end, cooler heads prevailed, like Matt Barnes!
6) Tommy Wade's Weekly Video Corner: As you know, last week, in his never-ending attempt to keep this blog current, our great reader Tommy Wade sent us videos by the adorably racist blonde UCLA student, and the Chinese-Amish dude. This week, the video Tommy sent must have been especially good, because by the time I tried to watch it, Youtube had removed it for some kind of violation! Not to worry, because Tommy also had a question, and since we don't have a video, let's take a look at it:
Random thought, you mentioned before that ur Gay Transporter-like looks give u extra "charm power"?
Correct me if i'm wrong, but you seem to be pretty in tuned and aware with body language and such.
I personally think that the ability to charm people is such an underrated skill set! It's a fun way of "healthy manipulation."
What are your thoughts?
Tommy, that's a great question, and, first of all, you are absolutely right, I am very in tune and aware of body language and such. Second of all, you were very wise to bring such an important question here, to a jokey basketball blog about the Miami Heat, which also specializes in making up fake stories about concerts that we didn't attend. To answer your question, I don't know whether the ability to charm people is underrated or overrated - my therapist would say that if people like you, it's o-kay, and if people don't like you, that's o-kay. For me personally, pretending to be reasonably nice so that I can get something out of people is really the only thing in life that matters to me, although for "healthy manipulation," I usually just use my hand. Thank you, thank you!..Again, great question, Tommy, and next time I will try to watch the video and post it quicker!
We are off until Friday, when there is another completely meaningless game against Philadelphia. Until then, if you need me, I'll be down on the block, posting up Mike Bibby...
-----
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Heat 103 Nuggets 98
6 Thoughts
1) Block party tonight in my neighborhood. I ate myself into an arroz con pollo-induced semi-coma (with sweet plantains!), then had to watch back-to-back basketball games, Miami's solid win against Denver, and the University of Connecticut's victory to advance to the Sweet Sixteen of the NCAA tournament. It's late, I'm tired, I'm sunburn, and I smell like roasted pork...
2) It was a solid win on the second night of a travel back-to-back against a hot team. Wade had 32 points on 20 shots, while LeBron had 33 on 15-25. Again, the disparity in the calls that Dwyane gets versus the calls LeBron gets is absurd: Wade shot 13 free throws, James only 2. With a refereeing crew headed by Bennett Salvatore, though, anything is possible. Quick - who is the worst person you know at his or her job? Unless you are good friends with former Palm Beach County school superintendent Art Johnson, Bennett Salvatore, guaranteed, is worse (HA! - my first ever local political joke in this blog! I've been loading that one up for weeks!!!). You know how sometimes you criticize a person by saying, "he is a joke?" Bennett Salvatore, literally, is a joke - people who watch NBA basketball laugh watching his games. Tonight, the last laugh was on Denver. After Salvatore put the Nuggets in the bonus early in the fourth quarter with four absolutely absurd foul calls that had the entire Heat team up in arms, moments later, with Denver desperately trying to hang in the game, Nuggets forward Danilo Gallinari drove the lane, got sandwiched in between two Heat players, helicoptered to the floor...and stunningly, no foul was called, though four fouls with combined less force, had previously been whistled on Miami in the immediate preceding moments. Instead, Miami picked up the loose ball, got a run out dunk on the other end to push the lead to 9, and Denver never seriously threatened again. That's 5 wins in the last 6 games, all against playoff teams, including Lakers and Spurs. Sky's not falling so fast now...
3) ...or is it? Emcee Chalmers is hurt! I jinxed him, I doubled jinxed him, and then I probably somehow re-jinxed him. In the midst of the best stretch of basketball of his career, Chalmers - at a minimum - sprained his knee, and had to be carried off. Looked bad - no contact, just a buckle on a backpedal. Let's be honest: there have been many times I wished Mario Chalmers would get hurt and miss a few games. But not now, not when he's playing well, and the playoffs are around the corner. Let's hope it's not too bad - but it looked pretty bad. Get well soon, Emcee.
4) In a related note, 34 minutes for Michael Bibby tonight. He made 4-8 triples, although, to be fair, several times he did have to initiate the offense thirty-five feet from the basket due to the ball pressure from the considerably younger and quicker Ty Lawson. On offense, though, he is fine, he's a good floor spacer for Wade and James, and moves the ball crisply on rotations. On this night, too, he was fine defensively - generally kept Lawson out of the lane, and even blocked one of his shots. While he isn't quick enough to keep opposing point guards in front of him, which is problematic, he also gambles less than Chalmers, so at least he is generally positioned properly. Emcee gets struck with wanderlust from time to time, and runs all over the court chasing the ball, fouling people in his wake...One more thing about Bibs: not following the NCAA tournament too closely. Visited Jax's Sunsport Lounge after the game to talk about the win, and Jax asked him who Arizona, with whom he won a National Championship, was playing in the tournament this weekend? "I have no idea," admitted Bibby.
5) "Birdman, drive a red Range!!!"
6) Music Review: The Strokes new album, "Angles." Or, it might be "Angels," now that I think about it - too lazy to check. Thursday night I was all, like, "I need some new music," and I remembered The Strokes new album had just come out, so I downloaded it from the Russian website. Listened to it some over the last couple of days. Forgot one key thing: I don't really like The Strokes. They're okay, I guess, but I feel like we've heard it all a million times before, even in the way, way back from a band called Televison (that's for Snets, since I know he doesn't know who the Strokes are) - just a melange of New York punk and rock influences. More importantly, I don't feel any emotional connection with them - their songs don't mean anything to me. They kind of broker in a certain blase detachment, whereas I relate far more easily to a self-centered, angsty detachment. So, if you like The Strokes, I give this album like an 8; if you're like me, and mostly wish that one of the Artic Monkeys would punch these dudes in the face, I give it like a 4.
Well, the 11 straight games against playoff teams are over. Twelve games to go in the season, I believe. Back Wednesday against the Dee-troit Pistons. I'm trying to go to the Miami Metro Zoo tomorrow, so if you are looking for me, that's where I should be. I like those little bike-wagon things they have, so look for me on one of those, or by the Icee machine near the giraffes. Or, if you don't find me there, check your momma's house...Later!!!
-----
1) Block party tonight in my neighborhood. I ate myself into an arroz con pollo-induced semi-coma (with sweet plantains!), then had to watch back-to-back basketball games, Miami's solid win against Denver, and the University of Connecticut's victory to advance to the Sweet Sixteen of the NCAA tournament. It's late, I'm tired, I'm sunburn, and I smell like roasted pork...
2) It was a solid win on the second night of a travel back-to-back against a hot team. Wade had 32 points on 20 shots, while LeBron had 33 on 15-25. Again, the disparity in the calls that Dwyane gets versus the calls LeBron gets is absurd: Wade shot 13 free throws, James only 2. With a refereeing crew headed by Bennett Salvatore, though, anything is possible. Quick - who is the worst person you know at his or her job? Unless you are good friends with former Palm Beach County school superintendent Art Johnson, Bennett Salvatore, guaranteed, is worse (HA! - my first ever local political joke in this blog! I've been loading that one up for weeks!!!). You know how sometimes you criticize a person by saying, "he is a joke?" Bennett Salvatore, literally, is a joke - people who watch NBA basketball laugh watching his games. Tonight, the last laugh was on Denver. After Salvatore put the Nuggets in the bonus early in the fourth quarter with four absolutely absurd foul calls that had the entire Heat team up in arms, moments later, with Denver desperately trying to hang in the game, Nuggets forward Danilo Gallinari drove the lane, got sandwiched in between two Heat players, helicoptered to the floor...and stunningly, no foul was called, though four fouls with combined less force, had previously been whistled on Miami in the immediate preceding moments. Instead, Miami picked up the loose ball, got a run out dunk on the other end to push the lead to 9, and Denver never seriously threatened again. That's 5 wins in the last 6 games, all against playoff teams, including Lakers and Spurs. Sky's not falling so fast now...
3) ...or is it? Emcee Chalmers is hurt! I jinxed him, I doubled jinxed him, and then I probably somehow re-jinxed him. In the midst of the best stretch of basketball of his career, Chalmers - at a minimum - sprained his knee, and had to be carried off. Looked bad - no contact, just a buckle on a backpedal. Let's be honest: there have been many times I wished Mario Chalmers would get hurt and miss a few games. But not now, not when he's playing well, and the playoffs are around the corner. Let's hope it's not too bad - but it looked pretty bad. Get well soon, Emcee.
4) In a related note, 34 minutes for Michael Bibby tonight. He made 4-8 triples, although, to be fair, several times he did have to initiate the offense thirty-five feet from the basket due to the ball pressure from the considerably younger and quicker Ty Lawson. On offense, though, he is fine, he's a good floor spacer for Wade and James, and moves the ball crisply on rotations. On this night, too, he was fine defensively - generally kept Lawson out of the lane, and even blocked one of his shots. While he isn't quick enough to keep opposing point guards in front of him, which is problematic, he also gambles less than Chalmers, so at least he is generally positioned properly. Emcee gets struck with wanderlust from time to time, and runs all over the court chasing the ball, fouling people in his wake...One more thing about Bibs: not following the NCAA tournament too closely. Visited Jax's Sunsport Lounge after the game to talk about the win, and Jax asked him who Arizona, with whom he won a National Championship, was playing in the tournament this weekend? "I have no idea," admitted Bibby.
5) "Birdman, drive a red Range!!!"
Well, the 11 straight games against playoff teams are over. Twelve games to go in the season, I believe. Back Wednesday against the Dee-troit Pistons. I'm trying to go to the Miami Metro Zoo tomorrow, so if you are looking for me, that's where I should be. I like those little bike-wagon things they have, so look for me on one of those, or by the Icee machine near the giraffes. Or, if you don't find me there, check your momma's house...Later!!!
-----
Friday, March 18, 2011
Heat 106 Hawks 85
6 Thoughts
1) Some nights - like Wednesday against OKC - you play hard, you battle, but the shots don't go in the basket. Then, other nights, you barely break a sweat, and all the shots go in the basket. This was one of those nights, and it was ridiculous. Set your LeBron-o-meter to "heat check," and LET'S GO!!!
2) The game started off as your garden-variety snooze-fest from the Phillips Mausoleum in Atlanta. Quiet crowd, low energy, and a lot of bad Josh Smith turnaround jump shots. Miami led by 13 at half on the strength of LeBron's 20 points on 8-8 shooting. Then the third quarter started...And He Got HOT! Quarter basically started: Wade triple, Wade triple, LeBron triple (in transition after seven walking steps without a dribble to line up his feet), LeBron 20 footer, LeBron 20 footer, one Hawk free throw, LeBron triple, LeBron run-out-behind-the-back-finger-roll-and-one while being tackled by Jamal Crawford. Ballgame, get out now, people, and catch an earlier MARTA ride home. 23 in the quarter for LeBron on his way to 43 in 31 minutes on 16-21. Never even broke a sweat. Sometimes, it's just like that...
3) Craziest moment of the game: Joel Anthony got mad! I mean, in a really polite way - but, definitely, mad! Generously-noggin'd Zaza Pachulia entered the game for the Hawks late in third quarter looking to lay the wood down 30 for whatever reason. This is a guy who heat-butted Jermaine O'Neal into oblivion two years ago in the playoffs. Zaza committed a silly flagrant foul by pushing LeBron in the back on a run out, then instantly gratuitously fouled Joel away from the ball on the reset. Moments later, down on the other end, Zaza drove the ball at Joel, took a bump, threw up a shot, got a foul called, and lashed out with his left arm after the whistle, smacking Joel in the face. The kind of play where you make it look like it was your follow-through, when clearly you are just trying to hit a guy in the face...Not that I've ever done that...So, Zaza stands there 6 feet away from Joel, amongst the most affable and gentlemanly players in the NBA, glowering at him, whereupon Joel, quietly and politely, took three steps toward Zaza, and softly bumped him shoulder-to-shoulder, as if to say, "Look, I didn't like that, and if you do it again, I may be forced to use some harsh language." Refs hustled in to break it up before Joel felt compelled to do something really bad, like give Zaza the finger...
4) Well, at no point in the season, even during some of the struggles, did I ever say, "You know what we could use right now? A healthy dose of Jamal Magloire!' But that's where we are. Screen du Damp is still the starter, but the last few games, Jamal has shed the expensive suits, donned his uniform, and been summoned off the bench. 9 rebounds in 17 minutes tonight for the Big Cat. "He's earned those minutes," enthused Eric Reid, and he has - but also, it helped when Zydrunas Ilgauskas stepped on a nail which drove clear through his shoe into his foot, sidelining him for the last couple of weeks, and necessitating a call to the giant litter box. I don't know if when Boston made that Kendrick Perkins trade, they ever saw this coming. I don't think any of us saw this coming!
5) Okay, let's tackle this rumor once and for all: on the night of the 200 and whatever draft, when Dwyane Wade was coming out of Marquette, and the Heat had the 5th pick in the draft, yes, I was in Rhode Island at the beach house, and, yes, I did think Miami should draft Kirk Hinrich out of Kansas. No, I did not scream, "Dwyane Wade, I declare you a bust" at the top of my lungs when Pat Riley chose Wade over Hinrich - fake Steven A Smith hadn't even invented that yet. The only college games I ever watch are games involving the University of Connecticut, so I had seen Wade and Hinrich play, maybe, a combined 20 minutes of college basketball. I actually saw an NCAA tournament game in which Wade played his team in to the Final Four with a triple double. But it didn't look like he had transferable skills - who ever heard of a 6'4" shooting guard who can't shoot? Hinrich seemed like he was hard-nosed (correct), had good size for a point guard (correct), and could shoot it (way, way, wayyyyy off). Kirk Hinrich: you're a white dude, an aggressive, midwestern white dude - what the hell is wrong with you?!!! Why can't you shoot the ball?!!! I've been watching this dude throw rocks for seven and a half years now, and still people think he can shoot the ball! You know why? Yes, of course, I just told you: because he's white -what are you, deaf?!!!! He's shooting under 42% from the floor for his career and he gets a lot of good shots because no one ever guards him because he can not shoot! 2-7 tonight: another terrible shooting night! Reverse racism!!! Or something!!!
6) So Thor, R.Minutos, and myself just got back from a few days at the South by Southwest music festival in Austin. It was rad, of course. Best show by a known band: The Strokes. Best show by an unknown, up-and-coming band: This is Grinch. Worst show: Nick Cannon, with special guest Christopher "Kid" Reid. Most alcohol consumed: R.Minutos, by a mile. Weirdest thing that happened: Thor has a friend who lives in a town about 20 miles outside of Austin. We go to visit her one day, a little hung over from the night before, but with nothing else to do until the shows start up again in the evening. We are, like, driving through fields and plains of absolute nothingness - I've never been to Texas before, but it did feel very desolate and Republicanish out there once we got beyond Austin. So we get to her house - let's call her 'Lori' so she doesn't get in even more trouble. Lori's husband is a pastor - he is like a classic small-town pastor dude, tall and taciturn, maybe a little older, at least in spirit, than us 'East Coast' boys. They also have a few kids - like two or three. We're sitting in their family room, and the husband is like, "What are you guys doing in Texas," and we're like, "Going to South by Southwest," and he's like, "What's that," and R.Minutos is like, "Hold the phone - you don't know what South by Southwest is," and the guy is like, "No." So we are like, "It's a music festival," and he goes, "I don't approve of rock music, or pop music." And R.Minutos is like, "Hold the phone," again, and there is a long uncomfortable silence, and the pastor goes, "I just think it creates an unnecessary sexual tension amongst people," and R.Minutos and Thor are incredulous (I agree with the guy, frankly). Eventually, he kind of strides out of the room, and we go out back on to the porch to have a beer with Lori (we brought them in a cooler - they didn't have any in the house). They live on a farm, and there were a couple of old tractors out back. After a while, the pastor comes out, and he looks at all of us, and he says sharply: "Lori - you know I strongly disapprove of alcohol, and I won't have it in my house." And R.Minutos had had enough, he just goes, "Dude, seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you - it's 2011," and the pastor goes, "You think you're so tough? Let's have a chicken race on those tractors over there to see just how tough you are, mister." They do that, and R.Minutos wins when his shoelace gets caught on the gas pedal, and he can't bail out early, scaring the pastor, who augurs his tractor into a ditch at the last second. We all laugh at the guy, then take Lori back into Austin with us, where we get totally ripped on some local Austin weed, and dance our asses off all night long to a cover band playing 80s hits. The next day we drive her back to her house - R.Minutos was passed out in the backseat, so I walk her to the door, and the pastor dude opens it, and I'm, like, all ready for him to physically attack me, but instead he goes, "I want to thank you - you've really opened my eyes, and made me realize that music and dancing are a-ok!" And, I'm like, "No worries, man." South by Southwest, dude!!!
1) Some nights - like Wednesday against OKC - you play hard, you battle, but the shots don't go in the basket. Then, other nights, you barely break a sweat, and all the shots go in the basket. This was one of those nights, and it was ridiculous. Set your LeBron-o-meter to "heat check," and LET'S GO!!!
2) The game started off as your garden-variety snooze-fest from the Phillips Mausoleum in Atlanta. Quiet crowd, low energy, and a lot of bad Josh Smith turnaround jump shots. Miami led by 13 at half on the strength of LeBron's 20 points on 8-8 shooting. Then the third quarter started...And He Got HOT! Quarter basically started: Wade triple, Wade triple, LeBron triple (in transition after seven walking steps without a dribble to line up his feet), LeBron 20 footer, LeBron 20 footer, one Hawk free throw, LeBron triple, LeBron run-out-behind-the-back-finger-roll-and-one while being tackled by Jamal Crawford. Ballgame, get out now, people, and catch an earlier MARTA ride home. 23 in the quarter for LeBron on his way to 43 in 31 minutes on 16-21. Never even broke a sweat. Sometimes, it's just like that...
3) Craziest moment of the game: Joel Anthony got mad! I mean, in a really polite way - but, definitely, mad! Generously-noggin'd Zaza Pachulia entered the game for the Hawks late in third quarter looking to lay the wood down 30 for whatever reason. This is a guy who heat-butted Jermaine O'Neal into oblivion two years ago in the playoffs. Zaza committed a silly flagrant foul by pushing LeBron in the back on a run out, then instantly gratuitously fouled Joel away from the ball on the reset. Moments later, down on the other end, Zaza drove the ball at Joel, took a bump, threw up a shot, got a foul called, and lashed out with his left arm after the whistle, smacking Joel in the face. The kind of play where you make it look like it was your follow-through, when clearly you are just trying to hit a guy in the face...Not that I've ever done that...So, Zaza stands there 6 feet away from Joel, amongst the most affable and gentlemanly players in the NBA, glowering at him, whereupon Joel, quietly and politely, took three steps toward Zaza, and softly bumped him shoulder-to-shoulder, as if to say, "Look, I didn't like that, and if you do it again, I may be forced to use some harsh language." Refs hustled in to break it up before Joel felt compelled to do something really bad, like give Zaza the finger...
4) Well, at no point in the season, even during some of the struggles, did I ever say, "You know what we could use right now? A healthy dose of Jamal Magloire!' But that's where we are. Screen du Damp is still the starter, but the last few games, Jamal has shed the expensive suits, donned his uniform, and been summoned off the bench. 9 rebounds in 17 minutes tonight for the Big Cat. "He's earned those minutes," enthused Eric Reid, and he has - but also, it helped when Zydrunas Ilgauskas stepped on a nail which drove clear through his shoe into his foot, sidelining him for the last couple of weeks, and necessitating a call to the giant litter box. I don't know if when Boston made that Kendrick Perkins trade, they ever saw this coming. I don't think any of us saw this coming!
5) Okay, let's tackle this rumor once and for all: on the night of the 200 and whatever draft, when Dwyane Wade was coming out of Marquette, and the Heat had the 5th pick in the draft, yes, I was in Rhode Island at the beach house, and, yes, I did think Miami should draft Kirk Hinrich out of Kansas. No, I did not scream, "Dwyane Wade, I declare you a bust" at the top of my lungs when Pat Riley chose Wade over Hinrich - fake Steven A Smith hadn't even invented that yet. The only college games I ever watch are games involving the University of Connecticut, so I had seen Wade and Hinrich play, maybe, a combined 20 minutes of college basketball. I actually saw an NCAA tournament game in which Wade played his team in to the Final Four with a triple double. But it didn't look like he had transferable skills - who ever heard of a 6'4" shooting guard who can't shoot? Hinrich seemed like he was hard-nosed (correct), had good size for a point guard (correct), and could shoot it (way, way, wayyyyy off). Kirk Hinrich: you're a white dude, an aggressive, midwestern white dude - what the hell is wrong with you?!!! Why can't you shoot the ball?!!! I've been watching this dude throw rocks for seven and a half years now, and still people think he can shoot the ball! You know why? Yes, of course, I just told you: because he's white -what are you, deaf?!!!! He's shooting under 42% from the floor for his career and he gets a lot of good shots because no one ever guards him because he can not shoot! 2-7 tonight: another terrible shooting night! Reverse racism!!! Or something!!!
6) So Thor, R.Minutos, and myself just got back from a few days at the South by Southwest music festival in Austin. It was rad, of course. Best show by a known band: The Strokes. Best show by an unknown, up-and-coming band: This is Grinch. Worst show: Nick Cannon, with special guest Christopher "Kid" Reid. Most alcohol consumed: R.Minutos, by a mile. Weirdest thing that happened: Thor has a friend who lives in a town about 20 miles outside of Austin. We go to visit her one day, a little hung over from the night before, but with nothing else to do until the shows start up again in the evening. We are, like, driving through fields and plains of absolute nothingness - I've never been to Texas before, but it did feel very desolate and Republicanish out there once we got beyond Austin. So we get to her house - let's call her 'Lori' so she doesn't get in even more trouble. Lori's husband is a pastor - he is like a classic small-town pastor dude, tall and taciturn, maybe a little older, at least in spirit, than us 'East Coast' boys. They also have a few kids - like two or three. We're sitting in their family room, and the husband is like, "What are you guys doing in Texas," and we're like, "Going to South by Southwest," and he's like, "What's that," and R.Minutos is like, "Hold the phone - you don't know what South by Southwest is," and the guy is like, "No." So we are like, "It's a music festival," and he goes, "I don't approve of rock music, or pop music." And R.Minutos is like, "Hold the phone," again, and there is a long uncomfortable silence, and the pastor goes, "I just think it creates an unnecessary sexual tension amongst people," and R.Minutos and Thor are incredulous (I agree with the guy, frankly). Eventually, he kind of strides out of the room, and we go out back on to the porch to have a beer with Lori (we brought them in a cooler - they didn't have any in the house). They live on a farm, and there were a couple of old tractors out back. After a while, the pastor comes out, and he looks at all of us, and he says sharply: "Lori - you know I strongly disapprove of alcohol, and I won't have it in my house." And R.Minutos had had enough, he just goes, "Dude, seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you - it's 2011," and the pastor goes, "You think you're so tough? Let's have a chicken race on those tractors over there to see just how tough you are, mister." They do that, and R.Minutos wins when his shoelace gets caught on the gas pedal, and he can't bail out early, scaring the pastor, who augurs his tractor into a ditch at the last second. We all laugh at the guy, then take Lori back into Austin with us, where we get totally ripped on some local Austin weed, and dance our asses off all night long to a cover band playing 80s hits. The next day we drive her back to her house - R.Minutos was passed out in the backseat, so I walk her to the door, and the pastor dude opens it, and I'm, like, all ready for him to physically attack me, but instead he goes, "I want to thank you - you've really opened my eyes, and made me realize that music and dancing are a-ok!" And, I'm like, "No worries, man." South by Southwest, dude!!!
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Thunder 96 Heat 85
6 Thoughts
1) I'm not gonna lie to you: I'm a little angsty tonight, just a little bit uptight. Been that way all day. One of my favorite basketball players ever, Jalen Rose, made a documentary that people banged on all day in a way that felt a little uncomfortably close to being racially motivated; I've been locked in the house for three straight days with two boys nursing strep throat; and my eight year old soccer team has its first game Saturday, and we lost 80 percent of our offense from last year, so it could get ugly quick. I wish I were doing better, but I'm not. Heat lost a lackluster, meaningless game to a pretty good team - that's the least of my worries...Let's go!
2) Miami beat the Thunder earlier this year in Oklahoma. That made tonight's rematch one of the two or three biggest games the Thunder will play this season. And they came out and worked. On the other hand, for Miami, there really aren't any big regular season games left. They proved they can beat good teams by handing the Lakers their only post-All Star game loss, and pasting league-leading San Antonio over the course of five days, with a blowout of playoff-team Memphis in between. They are pretty much locked in to the third spot in the East for the playoffs. That makes the next fifteen or so games tedious - they know their whole season is going to be judged on the playoff results. They came out tonight hoping to keep it close for three and a half quarters with minimal effort and steal it at the end - it almost worked when Dwyane Wade got out in transition down 7 with three minutes to go. But he failed to finish over a hard Serge Ibaka contest, James Harden banged a three at the other end, and it was ballgame. Was it a great effort? No. Did it matter after beating Los Angeles and San Antonio? Not really. It actually felt good to lose a game and not have it feel like a referendum on the team success, or lack thereof, over the next five seasons. Is what it is - a loss...
3) After a week of super-efficient offensive play, Miami mostly eschewed the pick-and-roll for the stand-around-looking-exhausted-since-we-have-played-a-ton-of-games-in-a-row-against-playoff-contenders-and-we're-not-really-feeling-it offense. Bosh had 21 on 17 shots; Wade 21 on 21; and LeBron, most lethargic of all, had 19 on 21.
4) Best player in the game: Serge Ibaka. His 12 rebounds and 3 blocks felt like 35 rebounds and 15 blocks. It seemed like he was everywhere, and not only because I kept mistaking him for the similarly built and skin-colored Nazr Mohammed, who had 9 rebounds of his own. Okay, it was partly that...But Ibaka has been helped immensely by the recent acquisition of Kendrick Perkins, who is still working himself back in to shape from knee surgery. Perkins' acquisition gives OKC the best on the ball post defender in the league, and frees up Ibaka to roam the lane defensively looking for blocks and rebounds. This team still feels a little young and wild to win a title, specifically point guard Russell Westbrook, who can be baited into bad shots and poor decisions. But they are coming: Durant is great, Westbrook is freakishly athletic, they have solid role players, and everyone is sleeping on them, partially because the Chicago Bulls are having the youthful breakout season that everyone expected might come from OKC. This is a super-nice team - I like them...Okay, that was gay. But still...
5) Most incorrect comment of the game: When Tony Fiorentino described Wade's "gravity-defying zigging and zagging" as something that would be good on gas mileage. Wouldn't the opposite be true? Wouldn't all the stopping and starting, and sudden bursts of speed, and changes of direction, actually be terrible for gas mileage? Not to mention what the hard landings would do to your chassis. I feel like the better choice for gas mileage would be Mike Bibby. First of all, you cut down on the raw distance traveled, since he never goes inside the three point line at either end of the court. Second of all, he rarely actually runs. Third of all, he is very light-skinned, and would deflect heat, rather than absorb it, which means you could run the air conditioner less.
6) Okay, okay, okay. We rarely do this, but we want to thank one of our readers named Tommy. Tommy remembered that I had mentioned, many moons ago, that I rarely get to see all the viral videos - and whatnot - on the internet, and I end up looking like a dork when I am talking to folks. So he sent along two popular videos, the first a virulently racist anti-Asian diatribe by a white UCLA student, and then an answer video from an Asian UCLA student. I have included the whole videos here, but you only need to watch about 25 seconds of each to get the idea. Down below, we'll choose the winner of the exchange.
Okay, first of all, the white girl really did make some excellent points. Asian people, obviously, can be very annoying in a library-type setting. If anything, I feel like she didn't go far enough. I'm a white dude from the suburbs of Connecticut, and you know who I have found knows how to behave in a library? Only white dudes from the suburbs of Connecticut! Because we, above all, value not making a scene! We didn't actually have Asians, or blacks, or Hispanics in my state, so I can't comment on them, but believe me, we had plenty of white refugees who escaped Long Island to move to my state, coming in with their Mets gear, and their Billy Joel, and their guttural accents, and we didn't like seeing them in a library, either. So I say: Incredibly-racist Girl, I feel your pain.
But the winner, quite obviously, is the Asian dude. Did you see that beard! Holy Amish-beard, Asian dude: you are super awesome!!! I have heard many Asians - okay one, on NPR - lament that while Asian women can be sex symbols in America, Asian men almost never are. But whoever said that never saw this guy - I feel like if all Asian dudes grew beards like this, they'd be getting a whole lot more respect around the way. Game, set, match: Asian dude!!! And thanks, Tommy! Keep the videos coming!
I am not 100% sure, and I don't feel like clicking two buttons to find out, but I think the next game is Friday in Atlanta. This is about the time of the season where I am really, really ready for the playoffs to start. Nothing too important can happen from now until the end of the season, save for an inj-...jinx alert, jinx alert! Jinx, I cast thee out!!! See you Friday!!!
-----
1) I'm not gonna lie to you: I'm a little angsty tonight, just a little bit uptight. Been that way all day. One of my favorite basketball players ever, Jalen Rose, made a documentary that people banged on all day in a way that felt a little uncomfortably close to being racially motivated; I've been locked in the house for three straight days with two boys nursing strep throat; and my eight year old soccer team has its first game Saturday, and we lost 80 percent of our offense from last year, so it could get ugly quick. I wish I were doing better, but I'm not. Heat lost a lackluster, meaningless game to a pretty good team - that's the least of my worries...Let's go!
2) Miami beat the Thunder earlier this year in Oklahoma. That made tonight's rematch one of the two or three biggest games the Thunder will play this season. And they came out and worked. On the other hand, for Miami, there really aren't any big regular season games left. They proved they can beat good teams by handing the Lakers their only post-All Star game loss, and pasting league-leading San Antonio over the course of five days, with a blowout of playoff-team Memphis in between. They are pretty much locked in to the third spot in the East for the playoffs. That makes the next fifteen or so games tedious - they know their whole season is going to be judged on the playoff results. They came out tonight hoping to keep it close for three and a half quarters with minimal effort and steal it at the end - it almost worked when Dwyane Wade got out in transition down 7 with three minutes to go. But he failed to finish over a hard Serge Ibaka contest, James Harden banged a three at the other end, and it was ballgame. Was it a great effort? No. Did it matter after beating Los Angeles and San Antonio? Not really. It actually felt good to lose a game and not have it feel like a referendum on the team success, or lack thereof, over the next five seasons. Is what it is - a loss...
3) After a week of super-efficient offensive play, Miami mostly eschewed the pick-and-roll for the stand-around-looking-exhausted-since-we-have-played-a-ton-of-games-in-a-row-against-playoff-contenders-and-we're-not-really-feeling-it offense. Bosh had 21 on 17 shots; Wade 21 on 21; and LeBron, most lethargic of all, had 19 on 21.
4) Best player in the game: Serge Ibaka. His 12 rebounds and 3 blocks felt like 35 rebounds and 15 blocks. It seemed like he was everywhere, and not only because I kept mistaking him for the similarly built and skin-colored Nazr Mohammed, who had 9 rebounds of his own. Okay, it was partly that...But Ibaka has been helped immensely by the recent acquisition of Kendrick Perkins, who is still working himself back in to shape from knee surgery. Perkins' acquisition gives OKC the best on the ball post defender in the league, and frees up Ibaka to roam the lane defensively looking for blocks and rebounds. This team still feels a little young and wild to win a title, specifically point guard Russell Westbrook, who can be baited into bad shots and poor decisions. But they are coming: Durant is great, Westbrook is freakishly athletic, they have solid role players, and everyone is sleeping on them, partially because the Chicago Bulls are having the youthful breakout season that everyone expected might come from OKC. This is a super-nice team - I like them...Okay, that was gay. But still...
5) Most incorrect comment of the game: When Tony Fiorentino described Wade's "gravity-defying zigging and zagging" as something that would be good on gas mileage. Wouldn't the opposite be true? Wouldn't all the stopping and starting, and sudden bursts of speed, and changes of direction, actually be terrible for gas mileage? Not to mention what the hard landings would do to your chassis. I feel like the better choice for gas mileage would be Mike Bibby. First of all, you cut down on the raw distance traveled, since he never goes inside the three point line at either end of the court. Second of all, he rarely actually runs. Third of all, he is very light-skinned, and would deflect heat, rather than absorb it, which means you could run the air conditioner less.
6) Okay, okay, okay. We rarely do this, but we want to thank one of our readers named Tommy. Tommy remembered that I had mentioned, many moons ago, that I rarely get to see all the viral videos - and whatnot - on the internet, and I end up looking like a dork when I am talking to folks. So he sent along two popular videos, the first a virulently racist anti-Asian diatribe by a white UCLA student, and then an answer video from an Asian UCLA student. I have included the whole videos here, but you only need to watch about 25 seconds of each to get the idea. Down below, we'll choose the winner of the exchange.
Okay, first of all, the white girl really did make some excellent points. Asian people, obviously, can be very annoying in a library-type setting. If anything, I feel like she didn't go far enough. I'm a white dude from the suburbs of Connecticut, and you know who I have found knows how to behave in a library? Only white dudes from the suburbs of Connecticut! Because we, above all, value not making a scene! We didn't actually have Asians, or blacks, or Hispanics in my state, so I can't comment on them, but believe me, we had plenty of white refugees who escaped Long Island to move to my state, coming in with their Mets gear, and their Billy Joel, and their guttural accents, and we didn't like seeing them in a library, either. So I say: Incredibly-racist Girl, I feel your pain.
But the winner, quite obviously, is the Asian dude. Did you see that beard! Holy Amish-beard, Asian dude: you are super awesome!!! I have heard many Asians - okay one, on NPR - lament that while Asian women can be sex symbols in America, Asian men almost never are. But whoever said that never saw this guy - I feel like if all Asian dudes grew beards like this, they'd be getting a whole lot more respect around the way. Game, set, match: Asian dude!!! And thanks, Tommy! Keep the videos coming!
I am not 100% sure, and I don't feel like clicking two buttons to find out, but I think the next game is Friday in Atlanta. This is about the time of the season where I am really, really ready for the playoffs to start. Nothing too important can happen from now until the end of the season, save for an inj-...jinx alert, jinx alert! Jinx, I cast thee out!!! See you Friday!!!
-----
Monday, March 14, 2011
Heat 110 Spurs 80
6 Thoughts
1) The Spurs cruised into town with a league best 54-12 record, with one of the 54 wins being an absolute dismantling of Miami 10 days ago in San Antonio. Los Spurs (it was Noche Latino Night again in the NBA) have been the best team in the league from day one this season, so it was reasonable to assume it could be a tough night for the Heat. Reasonable, that is, if you didn't respect the two basketball-juju forces working against them. First, the "It's not always who you play, but when you play, that matters" juju. Ten days ago, the Spurs caught Miami on the second night of a back-to-back, with Miami touching down in Texas at 5am the day of the game - tonight, Miami was at home with the Spurs having a free night in South Beach on Sunday. And they only see South Beach one time a year - advantage Miami. Second, the little known adage that, "Teams that like to administer a merciless 30 point beatdown at home when the other team just isn't feeling it, hate to have teams at home beat them down mercilessly when they aren't feeling it...." Or something like that. Either way, Miami blew San Antonio out - way out - was never much of a game after the first quarter. Good performance by the Heat, and, okay, okay: we might as well go...
2) The offense is sooooo much more fluid now. More fluid? Fluider? Not so sure which is right...Anyways, the reason why is: pick and rolls. Ahhhh - seems so simple. But it is that simple, for the moment. Now, instead of Wade and LeBron starting up top with five defenders staring at them, preparing for their drives, they are running pick and rolls with one of them handling, and Bosh setting the screen at the elbow. Not only has Miami not run that enough this year, but they are sprinkling in new wrinkles as well. One, instead of setting the screen and spotting up for an 18 footer, Bosh is now rolling down the lane, and receiving passes - especially from LeBron - on the move. That's 30 points on only 16 shots for the Maitre d' tonight, with 10 free throws, against a defense that is extremely paint-conscious. Also, when Bosh doesn't receive the ball, if the dribbler does not immediately attack, the opposite wing runs a diagonal cut through the lane, looking to receive a pass. Not just a diagonal cut - a hard diagonal cut. Wade and LeBron found each other for easy hoops tonight - they combined for 50. They even mix in an occasional high screen for Dwyane from LeBron - although usually Dwyane sharply crosses over away from that screen and attacks the rim because the defenders tend to try to shade it early. This all started when Bosh called for the ball before the Laker game - we're three nights in, we're 3-0, Bosh is playing great, and nobody is crying...
3) After we lose to Oklahoma City on Wednesday because Mario Chalmers is absolutely terrible, you can blame me, but he is in the midst of his best stretch of NBA basketball right now - he actually started this during the losing streak last week. He was 4-4 with 2 triples, 5 assists, and 3 steals in 30, mostly efficient, minutes tonight. More importantly, he was reasonably effective defensively against Spurs point guard, the insatiable Tony Parker, keeping him from getting free paint runs to score, and find others. When Parker went under a first quarter screen, and Mario stepped back and hit the triple, it was almost as if Miami had a real NBA point guard! It also caused Spurs coach Gregg Popovich to instantly call a timeout in disbelief! Walking back to the bench for the timeout (miles behind LeBron James, by the way), Chalmers assumed a look that approximated, "You'd better guard me," which may be a career first for Emcee. Still, when a 'Meet the Heat' promotion in the third quarter started with Eric Reid reading copy asking, "Do you want to meet Mario Chalmers," someone in Casa Minutos may - may - have said, "Not if I have to leave my couch..."
4) Look - I love Sunshine, or Sunsports, or whatever the Heat's station is called now. When people are like, "Oh, Eric and Tony are homers," I'm like, "Yeah, but they're our homers." When people are like, "Jax wears ascots," I'm always like, "No, Jax is fly, come on - and why are you so worried about what other dudes are wearing?" But honestly, Sunsports director-people: I haven't seen a free throw or a dunk go in the basket during a Heat broadcast since the 90s. Why do I have to watch free throws from a camera angle that is under the rim, or over the rim, or through referee Joey Crawford's legs, or from Mike Miller's eyeball, or whatever? Jesus - I really just want to watch the free throw - why can't I watch it from the normal angle? Similarly, most times when there is a Heat run out, as the ball gets to the paint, there is an instant jump cut to a camera under the basket, so that our main perspective of the finish is of the dunker's crotch. Believe me, I love man-crotch as much as any white kid, but it is incredibly annoying. If that angle is so good, why don't we see the whole game from crotch level? I don't think it is just me - I know M.Minutos hates it, too - but I haven't done any extensive research on it, or anything. Maybe I should. I don't know what the logic is - would the game be too exciting if we could actually see the dunks? I'm totally open to the possibility that I am wrong, but in that case, I need what I am missing explained to me.
5) Noche Latino: DeJuan Blair! Also: Jorge Hill!
6) I really got nothing for you here tonight. I didn't think I was going to see this game, I thought I would be in South Beach, or Disney World, until six year old P.Minutos got strep throat and ruined our plans. I had a "talk" with him, and let's just say that I don't think he will make this mistake a second time. Instead, O.Minutos and I went out and ate frozen yogurt at GoYo this evening. I enjoyed it until the po-lice pulled up right in front of us, parked at the curb, and spent fifteen minutes in Five Guys hamburger shop next door acquiring a sackful of burgers and fries. Nearest available parking spot eschewed by him to instead park on the curb? About 8 feet. Number of cars that needlessly got (slightly) jammed up trying to go around him since that parking lot is too tight to park on the curb because then people can't get by easily? Maybe about 12 cars. People aren't allowed to park on the curb of the parking lot of the public town soccer field, like four thousand yards away from the fields and any traffic flow, but it was totally essential for this guy to put it on the curb at Five Guys...That's a good start to the night for that po-lice: if you figure there were an average of two people in each car, he had annoyed two dozen people before he even started his shift by stuffing two super-greasy (though admittedly delicious) cheeseburgers into his mug. Efficient! That's doing what the po-lice in this town do: make peoples' lives more difficult! It was a good reminder - I almost thought I was living in America there for a second...
Next game: Wednesday vs. Kevin Durant and the OKC...not sure what they are? Thunder? Until then, stay away from Five Guys on Congress and Old Boynton in the Deuce B unless you happen to be an exceptional driver able to negotiate tight spaces with ease...
-----
1) The Spurs cruised into town with a league best 54-12 record, with one of the 54 wins being an absolute dismantling of Miami 10 days ago in San Antonio. Los Spurs (it was Noche Latino Night again in the NBA) have been the best team in the league from day one this season, so it was reasonable to assume it could be a tough night for the Heat. Reasonable, that is, if you didn't respect the two basketball-juju forces working against them. First, the "It's not always who you play, but when you play, that matters" juju. Ten days ago, the Spurs caught Miami on the second night of a back-to-back, with Miami touching down in Texas at 5am the day of the game - tonight, Miami was at home with the Spurs having a free night in South Beach on Sunday. And they only see South Beach one time a year - advantage Miami. Second, the little known adage that, "Teams that like to administer a merciless 30 point beatdown at home when the other team just isn't feeling it, hate to have teams at home beat them down mercilessly when they aren't feeling it...." Or something like that. Either way, Miami blew San Antonio out - way out - was never much of a game after the first quarter. Good performance by the Heat, and, okay, okay: we might as well go...
2) The offense is sooooo much more fluid now. More fluid? Fluider? Not so sure which is right...Anyways, the reason why is: pick and rolls. Ahhhh - seems so simple. But it is that simple, for the moment. Now, instead of Wade and LeBron starting up top with five defenders staring at them, preparing for their drives, they are running pick and rolls with one of them handling, and Bosh setting the screen at the elbow. Not only has Miami not run that enough this year, but they are sprinkling in new wrinkles as well. One, instead of setting the screen and spotting up for an 18 footer, Bosh is now rolling down the lane, and receiving passes - especially from LeBron - on the move. That's 30 points on only 16 shots for the Maitre d' tonight, with 10 free throws, against a defense that is extremely paint-conscious. Also, when Bosh doesn't receive the ball, if the dribbler does not immediately attack, the opposite wing runs a diagonal cut through the lane, looking to receive a pass. Not just a diagonal cut - a hard diagonal cut. Wade and LeBron found each other for easy hoops tonight - they combined for 50. They even mix in an occasional high screen for Dwyane from LeBron - although usually Dwyane sharply crosses over away from that screen and attacks the rim because the defenders tend to try to shade it early. This all started when Bosh called for the ball before the Laker game - we're three nights in, we're 3-0, Bosh is playing great, and nobody is crying...
3) After we lose to Oklahoma City on Wednesday because Mario Chalmers is absolutely terrible, you can blame me, but he is in the midst of his best stretch of NBA basketball right now - he actually started this during the losing streak last week. He was 4-4 with 2 triples, 5 assists, and 3 steals in 30, mostly efficient, minutes tonight. More importantly, he was reasonably effective defensively against Spurs point guard, the insatiable Tony Parker, keeping him from getting free paint runs to score, and find others. When Parker went under a first quarter screen, and Mario stepped back and hit the triple, it was almost as if Miami had a real NBA point guard! It also caused Spurs coach Gregg Popovich to instantly call a timeout in disbelief! Walking back to the bench for the timeout (miles behind LeBron James, by the way), Chalmers assumed a look that approximated, "You'd better guard me," which may be a career first for Emcee. Still, when a 'Meet the Heat' promotion in the third quarter started with Eric Reid reading copy asking, "Do you want to meet Mario Chalmers," someone in Casa Minutos may - may - have said, "Not if I have to leave my couch..."
4) Look - I love Sunshine, or Sunsports, or whatever the Heat's station is called now. When people are like, "Oh, Eric and Tony are homers," I'm like, "Yeah, but they're our homers." When people are like, "Jax wears ascots," I'm always like, "No, Jax is fly, come on - and why are you so worried about what other dudes are wearing?" But honestly, Sunsports director-people: I haven't seen a free throw or a dunk go in the basket during a Heat broadcast since the 90s. Why do I have to watch free throws from a camera angle that is under the rim, or over the rim, or through referee Joey Crawford's legs, or from Mike Miller's eyeball, or whatever? Jesus - I really just want to watch the free throw - why can't I watch it from the normal angle? Similarly, most times when there is a Heat run out, as the ball gets to the paint, there is an instant jump cut to a camera under the basket, so that our main perspective of the finish is of the dunker's crotch. Believe me, I love man-crotch as much as any white kid, but it is incredibly annoying. If that angle is so good, why don't we see the whole game from crotch level? I don't think it is just me - I know M.Minutos hates it, too - but I haven't done any extensive research on it, or anything. Maybe I should. I don't know what the logic is - would the game be too exciting if we could actually see the dunks? I'm totally open to the possibility that I am wrong, but in that case, I need what I am missing explained to me.
5) Noche Latino: DeJuan Blair! Also: Jorge Hill!
6) I really got nothing for you here tonight. I didn't think I was going to see this game, I thought I would be in South Beach, or Disney World, until six year old P.Minutos got strep throat and ruined our plans. I had a "talk" with him, and let's just say that I don't think he will make this mistake a second time. Instead, O.Minutos and I went out and ate frozen yogurt at GoYo this evening. I enjoyed it until the po-lice pulled up right in front of us, parked at the curb, and spent fifteen minutes in Five Guys hamburger shop next door acquiring a sackful of burgers and fries. Nearest available parking spot eschewed by him to instead park on the curb? About 8 feet. Number of cars that needlessly got (slightly) jammed up trying to go around him since that parking lot is too tight to park on the curb because then people can't get by easily? Maybe about 12 cars. People aren't allowed to park on the curb of the parking lot of the public town soccer field, like four thousand yards away from the fields and any traffic flow, but it was totally essential for this guy to put it on the curb at Five Guys...That's a good start to the night for that po-lice: if you figure there were an average of two people in each car, he had annoyed two dozen people before he even started his shift by stuffing two super-greasy (though admittedly delicious) cheeseburgers into his mug. Efficient! That's doing what the po-lice in this town do: make peoples' lives more difficult! It was a good reminder - I almost thought I was living in America there for a second...
Next game: Wednesday vs. Kevin Durant and the OKC...not sure what they are? Thunder? Until then, stay away from Five Guys on Congress and Old Boynton in the Deuce B unless you happen to be an exceptional driver able to negotiate tight spaces with ease...
-----
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Heat 118 Memphis 85
6 Thoughts
1) Whoooaaaaa, Memphis. Exactly what time did you say you got in from South Beach last night? Miami beat down a more-than-competent Memphis team in a rare Saturday afternoon game. Saturday afternoon game - means I'm writing this blog sober for the first time in about three weeks. Almost, anyways. Let's Get It and Go Get It, or something!
2) Super-efficient performance against a still-drunk Memphis squad. Wade: 28 points on 15 shots; LeBron: 27 points on 16 shots, and again, about 60 percent less dribbling than usual; the polite Maitre d', Chris Bosh, with 18 on 11 shots. Most efficient of all: Mike Bibby, with 17 points on 5 shots. Bibs is a master of the "opportunity three," an offensive "strategy" whereby he plants himself somewhere beyond the three point arc, eschews all movement whatsoever, and waits to see if the ball will find him on rotations. If it does - opportunity three: he was 5-5 for today. If it doesn't, he trots back to the other end of the court, plants himself defensively on the perimeter, and waits for an "opportunity steal..."
3) Best play of the game: in the first quarter, when Memphis guard Tony Allen ran out ahead of the pack in transition, but got run down by Dwyane Wade who blocked his shot. Mike Conley, trailing the play, grabbed the rebound, and had his follow blocked by a sprinting LeBron James. Allen hustled back to that loose ball, elevated at the rim, only to have his shot repelled with force by Wade, who leaped back in from the baseline. Five blocks in the game for Wade, who also finished with 5 rebounds, 9 assists, and 3 steals. DWade was doin' it all...Second best play of the game: midway through the third quarter, with the game already well out of hand, Marc Gasol (back-to-back Gasols!) found himself lying on his own defensive three point line with the ball in his hands. Towering over him, Screen du Jour, Erick Dampier, who reached down to tie him up, only to have Gasol start repeatedly swinging the ball rapidly back and forth, like a four year old trying to keep the blue crayon away from the annoying kid from down the street who is trying to "borrow" it, while Dampier flailed at him. Suddenly, inexplicably, from his knees, Gasol blindly hurled the ball 65 feet down the court in the general direction of the basket, right to, I believe, Mario Chalmers, who pushed it back up the court for an easy Heat basket, due in no small part to the fact that Memphis' center was still lying in the same spot on the defensive three point line. Don't see that every day. Then again, not every team's center is a large, grumpy, bearded man from Spain...
4) In the first half, Memphis forward Darrell Arthur was guarding LeBron James in space on the right wing when LeBron faked a shot, elevating Arthur. LeBron took a small step into him, took the bump as Arthur landed, and launched a fling to basket, earning two free throws. The classic "okey doke." There are two possible reactions to the okey doke for the defensive player. The first is "The Denial," in which you run over to the ref claiming that you went straight up in the air, and the shooter jumped into you and created the contact on his own. Also known as the "Brandon Roy," especially in the Pacific Northwest region of this great land of ours. The second reaction is "The Respect" - this is the route Arthur wisely chose. You just nod your head, maybe crisply punch a fist into an open palm, and walk to your spot on the lane to wait for the free throws. Hey, it's no big deal - you got okey doked. It happens to the best of us. Show the proper respect.
5) Update on Udonis Haslem from Eric Reid and Tony Fiorentino today. Udonis, who has missed the last 50 plus games with a foot injury, is now doing light shooting, some defensive shuffling, and is running on eighty percent of his body weight - "He is probably doing that in a pool," guessed Tony. Yes, either that, or on the moon.
6) New game: Do We Have the Nuts? When you are driving, when it is time to pull out into traffic, or back out of your parking spot, instead of looking, you just go to your kids, "Do we have the nuts," and if they say, "No," then you wait, but if they say, "Yes, we have the nuts," you just go blindly, relying on them to be right. Brings the excitement back into driving, and teaches the kids there are consequences to actions...
Next game is Monday vs San Antonio who beat us by about 100 in Texas a couple of weeks ago. I may miss that game - I've missed only one all year, but even that miss means I can't surpass last year's record of 86 out of 87 (including playoffs). I may have a guest writer, or you may get a break and not have to read this stupid blog on Tuesday. Not sure yet. Time to go drink some Lynchburg Lemonades - Hey, we still have a lot whiskey left, and we're branching out! The drink definitely sounds vaguely racist, but if we don't drink it for that reason, aren't we letting the racists win? Again? See you soon!
-----
1) Whoooaaaaa, Memphis. Exactly what time did you say you got in from South Beach last night? Miami beat down a more-than-competent Memphis team in a rare Saturday afternoon game. Saturday afternoon game - means I'm writing this blog sober for the first time in about three weeks. Almost, anyways. Let's Get It and Go Get It, or something!
2) Super-efficient performance against a still-drunk Memphis squad. Wade: 28 points on 15 shots; LeBron: 27 points on 16 shots, and again, about 60 percent less dribbling than usual; the polite Maitre d', Chris Bosh, with 18 on 11 shots. Most efficient of all: Mike Bibby, with 17 points on 5 shots. Bibs is a master of the "opportunity three," an offensive "strategy" whereby he plants himself somewhere beyond the three point arc, eschews all movement whatsoever, and waits to see if the ball will find him on rotations. If it does - opportunity three: he was 5-5 for today. If it doesn't, he trots back to the other end of the court, plants himself defensively on the perimeter, and waits for an "opportunity steal..."
3) Best play of the game: in the first quarter, when Memphis guard Tony Allen ran out ahead of the pack in transition, but got run down by Dwyane Wade who blocked his shot. Mike Conley, trailing the play, grabbed the rebound, and had his follow blocked by a sprinting LeBron James. Allen hustled back to that loose ball, elevated at the rim, only to have his shot repelled with force by Wade, who leaped back in from the baseline. Five blocks in the game for Wade, who also finished with 5 rebounds, 9 assists, and 3 steals. DWade was doin' it all...Second best play of the game: midway through the third quarter, with the game already well out of hand, Marc Gasol (back-to-back Gasols!) found himself lying on his own defensive three point line with the ball in his hands. Towering over him, Screen du Jour, Erick Dampier, who reached down to tie him up, only to have Gasol start repeatedly swinging the ball rapidly back and forth, like a four year old trying to keep the blue crayon away from the annoying kid from down the street who is trying to "borrow" it, while Dampier flailed at him. Suddenly, inexplicably, from his knees, Gasol blindly hurled the ball 65 feet down the court in the general direction of the basket, right to, I believe, Mario Chalmers, who pushed it back up the court for an easy Heat basket, due in no small part to the fact that Memphis' center was still lying in the same spot on the defensive three point line. Don't see that every day. Then again, not every team's center is a large, grumpy, bearded man from Spain...
4) In the first half, Memphis forward Darrell Arthur was guarding LeBron James in space on the right wing when LeBron faked a shot, elevating Arthur. LeBron took a small step into him, took the bump as Arthur landed, and launched a fling to basket, earning two free throws. The classic "okey doke." There are two possible reactions to the okey doke for the defensive player. The first is "The Denial," in which you run over to the ref claiming that you went straight up in the air, and the shooter jumped into you and created the contact on his own. Also known as the "Brandon Roy," especially in the Pacific Northwest region of this great land of ours. The second reaction is "The Respect" - this is the route Arthur wisely chose. You just nod your head, maybe crisply punch a fist into an open palm, and walk to your spot on the lane to wait for the free throws. Hey, it's no big deal - you got okey doked. It happens to the best of us. Show the proper respect.
5) Update on Udonis Haslem from Eric Reid and Tony Fiorentino today. Udonis, who has missed the last 50 plus games with a foot injury, is now doing light shooting, some defensive shuffling, and is running on eighty percent of his body weight - "He is probably doing that in a pool," guessed Tony. Yes, either that, or on the moon.
6) New game: Do We Have the Nuts? When you are driving, when it is time to pull out into traffic, or back out of your parking spot, instead of looking, you just go to your kids, "Do we have the nuts," and if they say, "No," then you wait, but if they say, "Yes, we have the nuts," you just go blindly, relying on them to be right. Brings the excitement back into driving, and teaches the kids there are consequences to actions...
Next game is Monday vs San Antonio who beat us by about 100 in Texas a couple of weeks ago. I may miss that game - I've missed only one all year, but even that miss means I can't surpass last year's record of 86 out of 87 (including playoffs). I may have a guest writer, or you may get a break and not have to read this stupid blog on Tuesday. Not sure yet. Time to go drink some Lynchburg Lemonades - Hey, we still have a lot whiskey left, and we're branching out! The drink definitely sounds vaguely racist, but if we don't drink it for that reason, aren't we letting the racists win? Again? See you soon!
-----
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Heat 94 Lakers 88
6 Thoughts
1) Ohhhhhh - that's how it's supposed to look! Miami got a big-time performance from Chris Bosh, huge plays on both ends of the court down the stretch from Dwyane Wade, and LeBron made savvy, facilitating plays to help those guys out. They won a close game, at home, against the hottest team in the league, utilizing their skill sets appropriately - that's the best part. We "Let's Go Getted It!" against a team looking for revenge for a Christmas Day beat down in LA...Oh yeah- and suck it, Kobe!
2) Chris Bosh spent the past two days since the Portland loss complaining that he needed more opportunities closer to the basket. Seemed like an odd complaint since he hadn't ventured below the free throw line on offense since before Hanukkah. Don't know when that is, most of you, do you? December...So what did he do? HE BACKED IT THE FUCK UP! He screened for dribblers and rolled down the lane! He flashed to open areas on the block! He upfaked guys, and dribbled by! He posted up Odom, and made a turnaround over him! He received passes from LeBron and finished at the rim with purpose! THIS WAS THE GUY WE THOUGHT WE WERE SIGNING! I HAVE NOW JINXED HIM FOR THREE WEEKS! IN CAPITALS!!!
3) Like the old days: Dwyane won the game down the stretch. Biggest play of the game: tied with a couple of minutes to go, covering Kobe Bryant in space, poked the ball free, retrieved it with the help of a Mike Bibby chop block on Pau Gasol, and fed a steaming LeBron James for a dunk to give Miami a lead they would never relinquish. Also: blocked a Kobe turnaround jumper, and finished two spectacular drives to the rim, all in the last five minutes. Warrants mentioning that someone in Casa Dos might - might - have suggested that Spo put LeBron on Kobe for the stretch run. And by "might have suggested," I mean that I - I mean, that person - screamed, several times, "Spo, get Dwyane the freak off of him, and put LeBron on him!!!" And guess what? That person was wrong!
4) I don't know if someone told him, I don't know if he decided on his own, I don't know if it was just freaky luck, but instead of running what is commonly referred to as the "LeBron screen-and-back-it-up-to-halfcourt offense," LeBron James moved the ball sharply and crisply, with many of his 9 assists leading to easy Chris Bosh baskets. Also had 8 rebounds, 19 points, and played aggressive defense. Before the game, in response to Chris Bosh's public call for the ball, LeBron said, "All he has to do is ask for it." Tonight, for the first time in a while, LeBron helped Chris, because Chris put himself in position to be helped.
5) Funniest moment of the game: when, on a inopportune defensive rotation, somehow defensively-challenged Miami point guard Mike Bibby ended up in space against Kobe Bryant, who received a pass and look Bibby right in the eye. At the same moment, both M.Minutos and I said, "oh, no" before, inexplicably, Kobe decided the better of it, and passed the ball back up to the top of the key. Yeah, Mike Bibby - he didn't want any of that! Put him on lock, kid!
6) Trip to Puerto Rico, Part One: Someone wrote in to ask me if I am going to write about my recent trip to Puerto Rico. Yes, I am. Right now. Here we go: M.Minutos and I went to Puerto Rico to try to take this blog even more worldwide – we’re already huge in parts of Europe, and now trying to expand to whatever-part-of-the-world-it-is that Puerto Rico is exactly located. Not too sure, geography isn’t a strength of mine. The Caribbean?..One night in Old San Juan, I went out to dinner with M.Minutos. About two large glasses of Saki Sangria into the night at a hipster Asian fusion place (because I’m a baller), we found ourselves sitting next to a table of five earnest youngsters from a merchant marine academy (“the” Merchant Marine Academy? – I talked to them for an hour, and I still have no idea who the merchant marines are – something to do with the water, right?). So there were two dudes: a very solid-ish and affable strapping white fellow who seemed like he could have been from Ohio, and a sardonic little Asian-ish dude, who very clearly was on the short end of the 5:1 men to women ratio on their merchant marine ship. Also, three young white women, all 19 or 20 years old. So they strike up a conversation with us because, you know, I’m cool, and girls love a dude who looks like the Gay Transporter, who is wearing a checkered button down shirt from the Gap and is an integral part of an interracial marriage. M.Minutos was trying to rattle my game – in fairness, she is my wife – and was all, like, “You girls do realize that he is old enough to be your father, right, and has two little boys at home,” but it didn’t even stop the girls, they were all, like, “oh, you must be the ‘cool dad!’” Yes. Yes, I am – nice to meet you, ladies! Then one of the girls was like, “Do you like Vampire Weekend,” and I’m like, “No – I fucking hate them. I’d like to take one of their fucking little acoustic guitars and smash it over their fucking heads!” Then I had those girls, you know why? ‘Cuz girls like dudes who are edgy! But one of the girls was, like, “Oh, that’s too bad, because you look like you would hang out with them a lot.” Damn these well-fitted, flat-front khakis! Anyways, then they are like, “well, who are your favorite bands,” and I’m like, “Well, when I was coming up in the day, my favorites were Jane’s Addiction and Smashing Pumpkins,” and one of the girls gets all excited and goes, “Oh, I love Jane’s,” then thinks, and says, “I’ve never listened to Smashing Pumpkins, but my mom loves them…” Oh, no. That’s brutal. Only one thing to do in a situation like that: text Thor back in the States to tell him about it, which I spent the rest of the night doing. Also – went to the beach a lot. Also – saw a lot of cool old colonial forts and buildings. Also, drank of a lot of Medalla Light, which is Puerto Rican for "ice water..."
Part two of the trip to Puerto Rico coming Saturday, when we may or may not revert to our losing ways against a sneaky-good Memphis team. Adios!!!
-----
1) Ohhhhhh - that's how it's supposed to look! Miami got a big-time performance from Chris Bosh, huge plays on both ends of the court down the stretch from Dwyane Wade, and LeBron made savvy, facilitating plays to help those guys out. They won a close game, at home, against the hottest team in the league, utilizing their skill sets appropriately - that's the best part. We "Let's Go Getted It!" against a team looking for revenge for a Christmas Day beat down in LA...Oh yeah- and suck it, Kobe!
2) Chris Bosh spent the past two days since the Portland loss complaining that he needed more opportunities closer to the basket. Seemed like an odd complaint since he hadn't ventured below the free throw line on offense since before Hanukkah. Don't know when that is, most of you, do you? December...So what did he do? HE BACKED IT THE FUCK UP! He screened for dribblers and rolled down the lane! He flashed to open areas on the block! He upfaked guys, and dribbled by! He posted up Odom, and made a turnaround over him! He received passes from LeBron and finished at the rim with purpose! THIS WAS THE GUY WE THOUGHT WE WERE SIGNING! I HAVE NOW JINXED HIM FOR THREE WEEKS! IN CAPITALS!!!
3) Like the old days: Dwyane won the game down the stretch. Biggest play of the game: tied with a couple of minutes to go, covering Kobe Bryant in space, poked the ball free, retrieved it with the help of a Mike Bibby chop block on Pau Gasol, and fed a steaming LeBron James for a dunk to give Miami a lead they would never relinquish. Also: blocked a Kobe turnaround jumper, and finished two spectacular drives to the rim, all in the last five minutes. Warrants mentioning that someone in Casa Dos might - might - have suggested that Spo put LeBron on Kobe for the stretch run. And by "might have suggested," I mean that I - I mean, that person - screamed, several times, "Spo, get Dwyane the freak off of him, and put LeBron on him!!!" And guess what? That person was wrong!
4) I don't know if someone told him, I don't know if he decided on his own, I don't know if it was just freaky luck, but instead of running what is commonly referred to as the "LeBron screen-and-back-it-up-to-halfcourt offense," LeBron James moved the ball sharply and crisply, with many of his 9 assists leading to easy Chris Bosh baskets. Also had 8 rebounds, 19 points, and played aggressive defense. Before the game, in response to Chris Bosh's public call for the ball, LeBron said, "All he has to do is ask for it." Tonight, for the first time in a while, LeBron helped Chris, because Chris put himself in position to be helped.
5) Funniest moment of the game: when, on a inopportune defensive rotation, somehow defensively-challenged Miami point guard Mike Bibby ended up in space against Kobe Bryant, who received a pass and look Bibby right in the eye. At the same moment, both M.Minutos and I said, "oh, no" before, inexplicably, Kobe decided the better of it, and passed the ball back up to the top of the key. Yeah, Mike Bibby - he didn't want any of that! Put him on lock, kid!
6) Trip to Puerto Rico, Part One: Someone wrote in to ask me if I am going to write about my recent trip to Puerto Rico. Yes, I am. Right now. Here we go: M.Minutos and I went to Puerto Rico to try to take this blog even more worldwide – we’re already huge in parts of Europe, and now trying to expand to whatever-part-of-the-world-it-is that Puerto Rico is exactly located. Not too sure, geography isn’t a strength of mine. The Caribbean?..One night in Old San Juan, I went out to dinner with M.Minutos. About two large glasses of Saki Sangria into the night at a hipster Asian fusion place (because I’m a baller), we found ourselves sitting next to a table of five earnest youngsters from a merchant marine academy (“the” Merchant Marine Academy? – I talked to them for an hour, and I still have no idea who the merchant marines are – something to do with the water, right?). So there were two dudes: a very solid-ish and affable strapping white fellow who seemed like he could have been from Ohio, and a sardonic little Asian-ish dude, who very clearly was on the short end of the 5:1 men to women ratio on their merchant marine ship. Also, three young white women, all 19 or 20 years old. So they strike up a conversation with us because, you know, I’m cool, and girls love a dude who looks like the Gay Transporter, who is wearing a checkered button down shirt from the Gap and is an integral part of an interracial marriage. M.Minutos was trying to rattle my game – in fairness, she is my wife – and was all, like, “You girls do realize that he is old enough to be your father, right, and has two little boys at home,” but it didn’t even stop the girls, they were all, like, “oh, you must be the ‘cool dad!’” Yes. Yes, I am – nice to meet you, ladies! Then one of the girls was like, “Do you like Vampire Weekend,” and I’m like, “No – I fucking hate them. I’d like to take one of their fucking little acoustic guitars and smash it over their fucking heads!” Then I had those girls, you know why? ‘Cuz girls like dudes who are edgy! But one of the girls was, like, “Oh, that’s too bad, because you look like you would hang out with them a lot.” Damn these well-fitted, flat-front khakis! Anyways, then they are like, “well, who are your favorite bands,” and I’m like, “Well, when I was coming up in the day, my favorites were Jane’s Addiction and Smashing Pumpkins,” and one of the girls gets all excited and goes, “Oh, I love Jane’s,” then thinks, and says, “I’ve never listened to Smashing Pumpkins, but my mom loves them…” Oh, no. That’s brutal. Only one thing to do in a situation like that: text Thor back in the States to tell him about it, which I spent the rest of the night doing. Also – went to the beach a lot. Also – saw a lot of cool old colonial forts and buildings. Also, drank of a lot of Medalla Light, which is Puerto Rican for "ice water..."
Part two of the trip to Puerto Rico coming Saturday, when we may or may not revert to our losing ways against a sneaky-good Memphis team. Adios!!!
-----
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Blazers 105 Heat 96
6 Thoughts
1) Dwyane and LeBron were a combined 26-41 from the floor for 69 points. They had 17 rebounds and 13 assists between them. They were great. And it wasn't even close to enough - pounded down the stretch, at home, by Portland. Five losses in a row! Just when you thought it couldn't get no worse - it got worser! It wasn't the most disheartening loss in the streak, though, because the first four were so disheartening that by the time the fourth quarter rolled around tonight, you just expected something bad would happen. And it did - though Wade and LeBron kept scoring, down the stretch the Blazers made improbable jumper after improbable jumper, including two by the limited, limited jump shooter Andre Miller. It feels like the Heat will never win another game. Maybe they won't - you never know. Let us go, and let us do.
2) Ahh, Chris Bosh...I praised you after last game, then worried about a no show for you tonight, trying to re-reverse the double jinx since I had praised you, but somewhere I went awry...Oh yeah - it was when I forgot you were Chris Bosh! It would be impossible to describe his lack of aggression tonight - he made three of eleven ineffectual shots, he allowed numerous layups from guards at the rim - in short, he was Chris Bosh. He displayed the general passion of a grilled cheese sandwich. He is polite; he is articulate; he is bright; he is organized; he's well-dressed; he's like a Maitre 'd! Unfortunately, Miami needs him to play power forward. If we had Udonis Haslem available, we could send Chris to the Bacardi Lounge to seat people at halftime - unfortunately, UD is still hurt, so we're stuck with this. I seem to remember a time from earlier this season when he was playing well, and with a modicum of verve - but he doesn't seem to care; why should we care?
3) Also awful: Mike Miller. 1-7. Hasn't made a jumper since being knocked unconscious a month ago by Jeff Foster. Somehow got two drives blocked into the eighth row in a five minute span. He is not helping.
4) Dead Man Walking: Look, if this were early February instead of early March, you would fire Coach Spo. I don't know that he is doing anything wrong, exactly, but the team has bad, bad, bad juju right now. In the NBA, you fight juju by firing the coach. This late in the season, without a viable replacement on the bench, and with Riley loathe to step in, I think you ride it out. Either the juju gets turned around, they win two playoffs rounds and take their shot against Boston in the Eastern Conference Finals, or they don't, and he gets canned anyways. I love Spo - but he'll get another job, and you have to respect juju...Watching his post-game press conference now: Spo spent a lot of time explaining that Miami "can't let go of the rope." Great point! Wait- what rope? You know what we could do with a rope? Choke Chris Bosh! I don't mean kill him, of course, just incapacitate him. Actually, you could incapacitate him, and still leave him out there - how would you even notice! I got jokes! Uh-oh: national reporter Jason Whitlock just asked Spo if he feels he is losing his control of the team. Spo's answer: "No." Ok-ay! Dude- he has a rope!...Update: now Chris Bosh is calling out Spo indirectly in his post-game comments, claiming "I have to touch it where big men touch it." (side note: ewwwwww!!!) He means Spo is not calling enough postups for him. I agree, I've been saying that for two months. But you kind of have to show a pulse before Spo is going to trust you down there...Ten minutes in the first half against Chicago isn't enough...This is a disaster right now. It is entertaining - but it is a disaster!!! This shit is unseemly!!!
5) Ironically, during this five game span, besides Wade and LeBron, the guy playing best is...Emcee Chalmers! He has played several good games in a row. Overall, I am not even sure this is a positive development...
6) What I learned from my therapist tonight: "You're not gay." "How do you know?" "If you were, I could tell." "Maybe I am trying to fool you." "You wouldn't be able to." ... I don't really want to explain exactly how this came up. Let's just all be in agreeance that in the film Pretty in Pink, James Spader was a great-looking kid!!!
Okay, we are back on Thursday to get killed by the Lakers: that will be six losses in a row. Then Saturday, we lose to Memphis -that's seven - annnnnnnd then Monday against the Spurs makes eight. We'll stop it there for now. May miss one of those games for a road trip with O. and P. Minutos, but we'll see. This is pretty exciting, I don't want to miss any more of this! Ch-ch-ch-ch-eers!!!!
-----
1) Dwyane and LeBron were a combined 26-41 from the floor for 69 points. They had 17 rebounds and 13 assists between them. They were great. And it wasn't even close to enough - pounded down the stretch, at home, by Portland. Five losses in a row! Just when you thought it couldn't get no worse - it got worser! It wasn't the most disheartening loss in the streak, though, because the first four were so disheartening that by the time the fourth quarter rolled around tonight, you just expected something bad would happen. And it did - though Wade and LeBron kept scoring, down the stretch the Blazers made improbable jumper after improbable jumper, including two by the limited, limited jump shooter Andre Miller. It feels like the Heat will never win another game. Maybe they won't - you never know. Let us go, and let us do.
2) Ahh, Chris Bosh...I praised you after last game, then worried about a no show for you tonight, trying to re-reverse the double jinx since I had praised you, but somewhere I went awry...Oh yeah - it was when I forgot you were Chris Bosh! It would be impossible to describe his lack of aggression tonight - he made three of eleven ineffectual shots, he allowed numerous layups from guards at the rim - in short, he was Chris Bosh. He displayed the general passion of a grilled cheese sandwich. He is polite; he is articulate; he is bright; he is organized; he's well-dressed; he's like a Maitre 'd! Unfortunately, Miami needs him to play power forward. If we had Udonis Haslem available, we could send Chris to the Bacardi Lounge to seat people at halftime - unfortunately, UD is still hurt, so we're stuck with this. I seem to remember a time from earlier this season when he was playing well, and with a modicum of verve - but he doesn't seem to care; why should we care?
3) Also awful: Mike Miller. 1-7. Hasn't made a jumper since being knocked unconscious a month ago by Jeff Foster. Somehow got two drives blocked into the eighth row in a five minute span. He is not helping.
4) Dead Man Walking: Look, if this were early February instead of early March, you would fire Coach Spo. I don't know that he is doing anything wrong, exactly, but the team has bad, bad, bad juju right now. In the NBA, you fight juju by firing the coach. This late in the season, without a viable replacement on the bench, and with Riley loathe to step in, I think you ride it out. Either the juju gets turned around, they win two playoffs rounds and take their shot against Boston in the Eastern Conference Finals, or they don't, and he gets canned anyways. I love Spo - but he'll get another job, and you have to respect juju...Watching his post-game press conference now: Spo spent a lot of time explaining that Miami "can't let go of the rope." Great point! Wait- what rope? You know what we could do with a rope? Choke Chris Bosh! I don't mean kill him, of course, just incapacitate him. Actually, you could incapacitate him, and still leave him out there - how would you even notice! I got jokes! Uh-oh: national reporter Jason Whitlock just asked Spo if he feels he is losing his control of the team. Spo's answer: "No." Ok-ay! Dude- he has a rope!...Update: now Chris Bosh is calling out Spo indirectly in his post-game comments, claiming "I have to touch it where big men touch it." (side note: ewwwwww!!!) He means Spo is not calling enough postups for him. I agree, I've been saying that for two months. But you kind of have to show a pulse before Spo is going to trust you down there...Ten minutes in the first half against Chicago isn't enough...This is a disaster right now. It is entertaining - but it is a disaster!!! This shit is unseemly!!!
5) Ironically, during this five game span, besides Wade and LeBron, the guy playing best is...Emcee Chalmers! He has played several good games in a row. Overall, I am not even sure this is a positive development...
6) What I learned from my therapist tonight: "You're not gay." "How do you know?" "If you were, I could tell." "Maybe I am trying to fool you." "You wouldn't be able to." ... I don't really want to explain exactly how this came up. Let's just all be in agreeance that in the film Pretty in Pink, James Spader was a great-looking kid!!!
Okay, we are back on Thursday to get killed by the Lakers: that will be six losses in a row. Then Saturday, we lose to Memphis -that's seven - annnnnnnd then Monday against the Spurs makes eight. We'll stop it there for now. May miss one of those games for a road trip with O. and P. Minutos, but we'll see. This is pretty exciting, I don't want to miss any more of this! Ch-ch-ch-ch-eers!!!!
-----
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Bulls 87 Heat 86
6 Thoughts
1) Oh my heavens! Fourth straight loss, all of them excruciating in one fashion or another. Miami falls two games behind the Bulls in the standings - and the schedule is staying tough. For awhile. I'm a few whiskey sours into my "late afternoon" already - the new drink du jour in Casa Dos. Let's Go and Let's Get it!
2) Miami took a two point lead with 20 seconds to go on successive Mario Chalmers hoops (!), including a triple with the shot clock winding down. On the ensuing Bulls possession, Luol Deng drove the lane against pressure, took a bump, and missed a shot - awarded two free throws. Fine. He made the first and missed the second. On the ensuing scrum for the loose ball, Erick Dampier extricated himself from a Joakim Noah death grip to come up with the ball. The whistle blew, and the Heat bench celebrated, thinking Noah had been called for a foul, and Miami was going to retain possession. Yet somehow official Tony Brothers - who struggled all game - called a foul away from the ball on Mike Miller, who bumped Deng as both reached for the ball. By the way, Deng shouldn't have even been in the lane - he left early. Brothers gave two more free throws to Deng, who made them both. Heat down one, 15 seconds to go...
3) ...and predictably, LeBron went strong to the rim, got his right arm pulled off the ball by Joakim Noah in an obvious foul, and missed a runner with his left hand. Obviously, he got free throws, right? I mean Deng just got four at the other end. Ummm, no, no free throws - ballgame over. That's a tough way to lose. The Heat are inventing new, brutal ways to lose games now - four free throws to the same guy in the span of .8 of a second on one end, and then a more egregious foul not called on the other end - it's frustrating. They don't "deserve" to win, they aren't "due" to win, it's nothing like that. It is this: if you play enough close games, and all these losses are close losses to good teams, you will eventually win games. There is no correlation to being a good team and winning or losing close games - study after study after study shows this. Bad teams win close games at about the same rate good teams do - it is the blowouts that separate them, record-wise. And from one year to the next, teams do not sustain success or failure in close games. They just don't - it's random. Does it feel random right now, the way Miami keeps losing these games? No, it does not. But it is. Which, actually, only makes it more frustrating!!!
4) Someone, for sure, is going to point out that just last blog I pointed out that LeBron is expected to play through contact that other players are awarded free throws for, and that tonight's game was decided when Deng shot four free throws to LeBron's none, on exactly the type of play we were talking about...If Noah grabs almost any other wing in the league on that last drive, the guy is going to be rerouted off his stride, and the ref would have been forced to call a foul. Since LeBron is so strong, he is supposed to play through it. Fine. Blame me all you want - two people have already pointed out this whole stretch of tough losses started when the blog came back. Just remember: I was the one who got LeBron here with the reverse jinx this summer. Performance in close games is absolutely random, but not this - this is very real. Talk about Wade, or Riley, or The Decision all you want - we all know LeBron would still be in Cleveland if I hadn't said he was not welcome here. Blame me for today if you want, I accept that. Live by the jinx; die by the jinx!
5) Can we take one positive out of this game? Chris Bosh played very well. He didn't just play well, but he played with some purpose, and even a dash of aggression. He was 9-14 for 23 points, and was solid defensively, with a lot of successful contests. Spo put him in the post early, which people have been crying for now for weeks - just to give the defense something else to look at. Against Boozer, in particular, it was a mismatch - Boozer isn't long enough to play him down there. I thought they got away from that in the second half - should have kept pounding it in there to him until Chicago showed they could stop it. If anything good came out of this game, maybe it was that. Guaranteed the jinx is coming: look for an absolute sleepwalk by Chris Tuesday against Portland! Although, now that I wrote that, how do you know I have not reverse double-jinxed him right back in to a good game - you don't!
6) From time to time, my travels will take me into Palm Beach. For those of you not from here, West Palm Beach is for the gully kids, like me, while Palm Beach is for the hoity-toity, high fallutin' set, like the Kennedys, people who own multi-national corporations, and Thor, who once went on a "camping trip" across America in his Lexus SUV. Still, as we all know, I am chameleon-like, a man who can survive in any social situation due to my rakish charm, lanky good looks, and insouciant attitude. Not too sure what "insouciant" means, by the way - I've finished two more whiskey sours while I've been writing...So when a recent trip took me to Palm Beach one morning, I was feeling good, and appropriately dressed in a nice suit, and I walked into the office where I had an appointment, and the very nice Palm Beach type lady greeted me, and asked if if I would like some coffee. Of course, I did not , since coffee is vile. But in this case, I didn't point that out, just politely declined. The lady kind of gave me a closer inspection, the proverbial "once over," if you will, and then goes, "Ahh - you really do look like more of a tea drinker." So I punched her in the fuckin' face. The end.
See you on Tuesday, when we will probably lose to Portland on either a technical foul due to an illegal substitution, or when Portland's backup point guard punts an 80 footer in to the basket at the buzzer. Will be a tough loss in spite of Chris Bosh's triple-reversed-up-re-jinx outstanding performance. See you then, you all hear?
-----
1) Oh my heavens! Fourth straight loss, all of them excruciating in one fashion or another. Miami falls two games behind the Bulls in the standings - and the schedule is staying tough. For awhile. I'm a few whiskey sours into my "late afternoon" already - the new drink du jour in Casa Dos. Let's Go and Let's Get it!
2) Miami took a two point lead with 20 seconds to go on successive Mario Chalmers hoops (!), including a triple with the shot clock winding down. On the ensuing Bulls possession, Luol Deng drove the lane against pressure, took a bump, and missed a shot - awarded two free throws. Fine. He made the first and missed the second. On the ensuing scrum for the loose ball, Erick Dampier extricated himself from a Joakim Noah death grip to come up with the ball. The whistle blew, and the Heat bench celebrated, thinking Noah had been called for a foul, and Miami was going to retain possession. Yet somehow official Tony Brothers - who struggled all game - called a foul away from the ball on Mike Miller, who bumped Deng as both reached for the ball. By the way, Deng shouldn't have even been in the lane - he left early. Brothers gave two more free throws to Deng, who made them both. Heat down one, 15 seconds to go...
3) ...and predictably, LeBron went strong to the rim, got his right arm pulled off the ball by Joakim Noah in an obvious foul, and missed a runner with his left hand. Obviously, he got free throws, right? I mean Deng just got four at the other end. Ummm, no, no free throws - ballgame over. That's a tough way to lose. The Heat are inventing new, brutal ways to lose games now - four free throws to the same guy in the span of .8 of a second on one end, and then a more egregious foul not called on the other end - it's frustrating. They don't "deserve" to win, they aren't "due" to win, it's nothing like that. It is this: if you play enough close games, and all these losses are close losses to good teams, you will eventually win games. There is no correlation to being a good team and winning or losing close games - study after study after study shows this. Bad teams win close games at about the same rate good teams do - it is the blowouts that separate them, record-wise. And from one year to the next, teams do not sustain success or failure in close games. They just don't - it's random. Does it feel random right now, the way Miami keeps losing these games? No, it does not. But it is. Which, actually, only makes it more frustrating!!!
4) Someone, for sure, is going to point out that just last blog I pointed out that LeBron is expected to play through contact that other players are awarded free throws for, and that tonight's game was decided when Deng shot four free throws to LeBron's none, on exactly the type of play we were talking about...If Noah grabs almost any other wing in the league on that last drive, the guy is going to be rerouted off his stride, and the ref would have been forced to call a foul. Since LeBron is so strong, he is supposed to play through it. Fine. Blame me all you want - two people have already pointed out this whole stretch of tough losses started when the blog came back. Just remember: I was the one who got LeBron here with the reverse jinx this summer. Performance in close games is absolutely random, but not this - this is very real. Talk about Wade, or Riley, or The Decision all you want - we all know LeBron would still be in Cleveland if I hadn't said he was not welcome here. Blame me for today if you want, I accept that. Live by the jinx; die by the jinx!
5) Can we take one positive out of this game? Chris Bosh played very well. He didn't just play well, but he played with some purpose, and even a dash of aggression. He was 9-14 for 23 points, and was solid defensively, with a lot of successful contests. Spo put him in the post early, which people have been crying for now for weeks - just to give the defense something else to look at. Against Boozer, in particular, it was a mismatch - Boozer isn't long enough to play him down there. I thought they got away from that in the second half - should have kept pounding it in there to him until Chicago showed they could stop it. If anything good came out of this game, maybe it was that. Guaranteed the jinx is coming: look for an absolute sleepwalk by Chris Tuesday against Portland! Although, now that I wrote that, how do you know I have not reverse double-jinxed him right back in to a good game - you don't!
6) From time to time, my travels will take me into Palm Beach. For those of you not from here, West Palm Beach is for the gully kids, like me, while Palm Beach is for the hoity-toity, high fallutin' set, like the Kennedys, people who own multi-national corporations, and Thor, who once went on a "camping trip" across America in his Lexus SUV. Still, as we all know, I am chameleon-like, a man who can survive in any social situation due to my rakish charm, lanky good looks, and insouciant attitude. Not too sure what "insouciant" means, by the way - I've finished two more whiskey sours while I've been writing...So when a recent trip took me to Palm Beach one morning, I was feeling good, and appropriately dressed in a nice suit, and I walked into the office where I had an appointment, and the very nice Palm Beach type lady greeted me, and asked if if I would like some coffee. Of course, I did not , since coffee is vile. But in this case, I didn't point that out, just politely declined. The lady kind of gave me a closer inspection, the proverbial "once over," if you will, and then goes, "Ahh - you really do look like more of a tea drinker." So I punched her in the fuckin' face. The end.
See you on Tuesday, when we will probably lose to Portland on either a technical foul due to an illegal substitution, or when Portland's backup point guard punts an 80 footer in to the basket at the buzzer. Will be a tough loss in spite of Chris Bosh's triple-reversed-up-re-jinx outstanding performance. See you then, you all hear?
-----
Friday, March 4, 2011
Spurs 125 Heat 95
6 Thoughts
1) You lose a 24 point lead at home to your instate rival in the most embarrassing manner possible. You shower, leave the locker room, and get on a plane for an 'x' hour flight to San Antonio - I've never been there, I don't know how long the flight is. I think it's in Texas somewhere. You get in at 5 in the morning. You get some sleep - Ilgauskas probably keeps your whole floor up with some kind of deviated septum problem - wake, eat, get to the arena for your game against the San Antonio Spurs, who have the best record in basketball by seven games, and haven't lost at home since November. Ten minutes into the first quarter, Wade and LeBron each have two fouls - all on the offensive end of the court! - and the Spurs have made 8 - eight! - threes, and you're down 24. The game is over, the short road trip is over, the media and fans are going to get on your case some more, and you've soiled Ascot Friday. I'm glad I'm at home - all I have to do is finish up this stupid blog, and I can hit the sheets. I've got a nice little Friday night planned, I'm going to have another drink, maybe a little booty-booty - not too sure yet, not sure I'm going to have time...Let's Go!
2) The game was boring - essentially Miami looked exhausted and the Spurs made a ridiculous 17-28 threes. Let's cover a couple of bigger picture items. Here at 2, LeBron's foul issue. In 3, we'll cover the general discontent swirling around the team, and its future prospects. In 4, we'll make a Chris Bosh joke, and in 5 we'll cover some divisiveness in the locker room. Down at number 6, reader mail. Got it?...Okay, for the seven years previous to this one, Dos reader Dirk, a Cavaliers fan, used to incessantly complain that if LeBron got the same favorable treatment from the referees that Dwyane Wade consistently received, he'd shoot 35 free throws a game. I laughed then; but no one is laughing now. Dirk was right. LeBron is refereed differently than any other wing in the league. On his trips to the rim, he is expected to constantly play through blows that would instantly be called fouls if they occurred against less physical players. In tonight's latest example, in the second quarter LeBron had a clean run out with only the Spurs Matt Bonner (a dorky 6'10" white guy) back in transition. As LeBron got beneath the free throw line, he swerved around the (mostly) motionless Bonner, who responded by reaching out and lassoing LeBron up high with both arms from behind, spinning him all the way around - while he was on the dead run - resulting in LeBron just flinging the ball up over his head in frustration...and it went in! Still - it was borderline ejectable, certainly a flagrant 1, at a minimum. Flagrant fouls are for unnecessary contact - there is never really a reason to grab a guy in full flight from behind and spin him around. It is dangerous, it's cheap, and it's dumb - and none of this is a knock on Matt Bonner. He didn't do it on purpose, the play just happened too quickly for him. Incredibly - or not so incredibly if you watch LeBron play every night - no flagrant was called...A quarter later, little French and adulterous Spurs point guard Tony Parker drove the lane against Miami, elevated for a layup, and got half-heartedly shoved in the back by Heat center Screen du Jour, aka Erick Dampier, who had clearly had enough of the night. Parker, who weighs less than 200 pounds, went flying, and before he hit the ground, Dampier had been ejected. His play wasn't any more egregious than Bonner's - you could certainly argue it was less so - Parker saw the hit coming, unlike LeBron who simply got whiplashed from his blindside. LeBron himself went right over to the refereeing crew after Dampier's ejection and, correctly, made that point to them himself. Whatever - it didn't affect the outcome of the game, and Miami has Wade, who does get as many calls as any wing in the league. But to the degree I can feel badly for a 260 pound freakish athlete with a severe lack of self-awareness, I feel bad for LeBron when plays like that happen. He's like Shaq in his prime - referees treat him differently than they treat everyone else, and I am sure it is frustrating for him.
3) So, of course, the Heat blew a 24 point lead to Orlando last night, and everyone blew a gasket. Has Miami played as well as people expected this season? No. But to keep things in their proper perspective, they are still tied with Chicago for the second best record in the East, three games behind Boston, and they have played 3 more road games than Chicago, and 5
more than Boston. It is frustrating because they have lost three tough games to the Celtics, and two tough games to Chicago - yes, you want to win those games. No, they do not match up particularly well against those teams. Yes, they do seem to have a habit of playing hard to start games, building a lead, then relaxing and letting the other team back in it. It is all true. Do I think they would beat the Celtics in a series if the playoffs started today? No, I do not - and I don't think they will beat them in May, either, if they get through Chicago or Orlando. But either way, that's what they have to be judged on. Either they are going to play consistently harder, and a little more efficiently, and have a chance to win those series; or, they are not, and they are going to lose. As aggravating as the Orlando loss was - and it was aggravating to me, and the eight hundred people who emailed me, too - it ultimately doesn't mean anything (although, as my therapist says, it is okay to have feelings!). Let's wait until April and May, and let it all play out...
4) ...and then we can complain, because we all already know how it is going to end, don't we? On the next to last possession of the season, Boston is going to have the ball, Miami is going to need a stop, and Paul Pierce is going to miss a contested step back jumper over LeBron. Bosh is going to grab the rebound...only to have Baby Davis rip it out of his hands and lay it back up and in. Out of timeouts, Miami is going to rush the other way, needing a three, with LeBron pushing it up, and he's going to get a moving screen up top from Mike Miller that sends Pierce flopping to the floor giving LeBron a brief window for an open look at it, but he will hesitate ever so slightly, allowing Kevin Garnett to get in his airspace, causing LeBron to come up slightly short, and wide to the left. Ballgame over, season over. I don't know if it is going to be game 6, or game 7, or whatever, or in Boston or Miami - all I know is Baby Davis is going to rip the ball out of Bosh's hands and lay it back in. How do I know that? Charlie Sheen closed his eyes and made it so...
5) Okay, now to the important stuff. As we all know, as we have talked about all season, of all the things that LeBron James loves in life, the three things he loves best are: one, getting to the bench first to sit down for timeouts; two, dribbling the basketball while everybody watches him; three, telling people on twitter to "Let's Go!" Right now, it is the last of those three items which is the potential problem. It has recently come to the attention of Dos Minutos that Dwyane Wade's longtime girlfriend, actress Gabrielle Union, has, on her new twitter account, been exhorting people to "Let's Get It!" Look, this is fucking bananas - we have enough quote-unquote phantom "alpha dog" issues between LeBron and Dwyane already. People spend 3,000 word columns worrying about, "Is it LeBron's team - orrrrrr, is it Dwyane's team, blah de blah, blah, blah" already - we can't also have LeBron telling his people to "Let's Go," and Gabrielle and Dwyane telling people to "Let's Get It." It's not going to fly. We have to decide on one of the two, or maybe just combine them in to a "Let's Go Get It" type of situation...
6) Reader mail! Dos reader Darren emails in to ask: "How is The Captain's `troubled white man' beard doing? Is he still growing it? Also, did you see that your super-Christian man-crush Tim Tebow is growing a beard? What do you think he is troubled about?" ... First of all, Darren, thanks for reading and inquiring about The Captain's beard. Yes, he is still growing it, and it looks terrific. Second of all, how dare you: Tim Tebow would never have troubles of any type! He's freakin' Tim Tebow! What the hell is wrong with you - what are you, some kind of clown? Never write to us again...
We are back on Sunday, with another 'showdown' game against the Bulls...and the schedule doesn't get any easier after that - following games are Portland, then Lakers, then Memphis, then Spurs again!...this is a tough-ass stretch...Let's Try To Go And Let's Get It (or something)! And Don't Do No Drugs!!!
-----
1) You lose a 24 point lead at home to your instate rival in the most embarrassing manner possible. You shower, leave the locker room, and get on a plane for an 'x' hour flight to San Antonio - I've never been there, I don't know how long the flight is. I think it's in Texas somewhere. You get in at 5 in the morning. You get some sleep - Ilgauskas probably keeps your whole floor up with some kind of deviated septum problem - wake, eat, get to the arena for your game against the San Antonio Spurs, who have the best record in basketball by seven games, and haven't lost at home since November. Ten minutes into the first quarter, Wade and LeBron each have two fouls - all on the offensive end of the court! - and the Spurs have made 8 - eight! - threes, and you're down 24. The game is over, the short road trip is over, the media and fans are going to get on your case some more, and you've soiled Ascot Friday. I'm glad I'm at home - all I have to do is finish up this stupid blog, and I can hit the sheets. I've got a nice little Friday night planned, I'm going to have another drink, maybe a little booty-booty - not too sure yet, not sure I'm going to have time...Let's Go!
2) The game was boring - essentially Miami looked exhausted and the Spurs made a ridiculous 17-28 threes. Let's cover a couple of bigger picture items. Here at 2, LeBron's foul issue. In 3, we'll cover the general discontent swirling around the team, and its future prospects. In 4, we'll make a Chris Bosh joke, and in 5 we'll cover some divisiveness in the locker room. Down at number 6, reader mail. Got it?...Okay, for the seven years previous to this one, Dos reader Dirk, a Cavaliers fan, used to incessantly complain that if LeBron got the same favorable treatment from the referees that Dwyane Wade consistently received, he'd shoot 35 free throws a game. I laughed then; but no one is laughing now. Dirk was right. LeBron is refereed differently than any other wing in the league. On his trips to the rim, he is expected to constantly play through blows that would instantly be called fouls if they occurred against less physical players. In tonight's latest example, in the second quarter LeBron had a clean run out with only the Spurs Matt Bonner (a dorky 6'10" white guy) back in transition. As LeBron got beneath the free throw line, he swerved around the (mostly) motionless Bonner, who responded by reaching out and lassoing LeBron up high with both arms from behind, spinning him all the way around - while he was on the dead run - resulting in LeBron just flinging the ball up over his head in frustration...and it went in! Still - it was borderline ejectable, certainly a flagrant 1, at a minimum. Flagrant fouls are for unnecessary contact - there is never really a reason to grab a guy in full flight from behind and spin him around. It is dangerous, it's cheap, and it's dumb - and none of this is a knock on Matt Bonner. He didn't do it on purpose, the play just happened too quickly for him. Incredibly - or not so incredibly if you watch LeBron play every night - no flagrant was called...A quarter later, little French and adulterous Spurs point guard Tony Parker drove the lane against Miami, elevated for a layup, and got half-heartedly shoved in the back by Heat center Screen du Jour, aka Erick Dampier, who had clearly had enough of the night. Parker, who weighs less than 200 pounds, went flying, and before he hit the ground, Dampier had been ejected. His play wasn't any more egregious than Bonner's - you could certainly argue it was less so - Parker saw the hit coming, unlike LeBron who simply got whiplashed from his blindside. LeBron himself went right over to the refereeing crew after Dampier's ejection and, correctly, made that point to them himself. Whatever - it didn't affect the outcome of the game, and Miami has Wade, who does get as many calls as any wing in the league. But to the degree I can feel badly for a 260 pound freakish athlete with a severe lack of self-awareness, I feel bad for LeBron when plays like that happen. He's like Shaq in his prime - referees treat him differently than they treat everyone else, and I am sure it is frustrating for him.
3) So, of course, the Heat blew a 24 point lead to Orlando last night, and everyone blew a gasket. Has Miami played as well as people expected this season? No. But to keep things in their proper perspective, they are still tied with Chicago for the second best record in the East, three games behind Boston, and they have played 3 more road games than Chicago, and 5
more than Boston. It is frustrating because they have lost three tough games to the Celtics, and two tough games to Chicago - yes, you want to win those games. No, they do not match up particularly well against those teams. Yes, they do seem to have a habit of playing hard to start games, building a lead, then relaxing and letting the other team back in it. It is all true. Do I think they would beat the Celtics in a series if the playoffs started today? No, I do not - and I don't think they will beat them in May, either, if they get through Chicago or Orlando. But either way, that's what they have to be judged on. Either they are going to play consistently harder, and a little more efficiently, and have a chance to win those series; or, they are not, and they are going to lose. As aggravating as the Orlando loss was - and it was aggravating to me, and the eight hundred people who emailed me, too - it ultimately doesn't mean anything (although, as my therapist says, it is okay to have feelings!). Let's wait until April and May, and let it all play out...
4) ...and then we can complain, because we all already know how it is going to end, don't we? On the next to last possession of the season, Boston is going to have the ball, Miami is going to need a stop, and Paul Pierce is going to miss a contested step back jumper over LeBron. Bosh is going to grab the rebound...only to have Baby Davis rip it out of his hands and lay it back up and in. Out of timeouts, Miami is going to rush the other way, needing a three, with LeBron pushing it up, and he's going to get a moving screen up top from Mike Miller that sends Pierce flopping to the floor giving LeBron a brief window for an open look at it, but he will hesitate ever so slightly, allowing Kevin Garnett to get in his airspace, causing LeBron to come up slightly short, and wide to the left. Ballgame over, season over. I don't know if it is going to be game 6, or game 7, or whatever, or in Boston or Miami - all I know is Baby Davis is going to rip the ball out of Bosh's hands and lay it back in. How do I know that? Charlie Sheen closed his eyes and made it so...
5) Okay, now to the important stuff. As we all know, as we have talked about all season, of all the things that LeBron James loves in life, the three things he loves best are: one, getting to the bench first to sit down for timeouts; two, dribbling the basketball while everybody watches him; three, telling people on twitter to "Let's Go!" Right now, it is the last of those three items which is the potential problem. It has recently come to the attention of Dos Minutos that Dwyane Wade's longtime girlfriend, actress Gabrielle Union, has, on her new twitter account, been exhorting people to "Let's Get It!" Look, this is fucking bananas - we have enough quote-unquote phantom "alpha dog" issues between LeBron and Dwyane already. People spend 3,000 word columns worrying about, "Is it LeBron's team - orrrrrr, is it Dwyane's team, blah de blah, blah, blah" already - we can't also have LeBron telling his people to "Let's Go," and Gabrielle and Dwyane telling people to "Let's Get It." It's not going to fly. We have to decide on one of the two, or maybe just combine them in to a "Let's Go Get It" type of situation...
6) Reader mail! Dos reader Darren emails in to ask: "How is The Captain's `troubled white man' beard doing? Is he still growing it? Also, did you see that your super-Christian man-crush Tim Tebow is growing a beard? What do you think he is troubled about?" ... First of all, Darren, thanks for reading and inquiring about The Captain's beard. Yes, he is still growing it, and it looks terrific. Second of all, how dare you: Tim Tebow would never have troubles of any type! He's freakin' Tim Tebow! What the hell is wrong with you - what are you, some kind of clown? Never write to us again...
We are back on Sunday, with another 'showdown' game against the Bulls...and the schedule doesn't get any easier after that - following games are Portland, then Lakers, then Memphis, then Spurs again!...this is a tough-ass stretch...Let's Try To Go And Let's Get It (or something)! And Don't Do No Drugs!!!
-----
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)