Rejected Blog Topics, vol. II

Okay, so this is another list of Rejected Blog Topics (RBTs), things that came up in the Dos Minutos Offices or Dos Hacienda as topics of conversation, but never quite made it in to a post. You can't expect much from them - they never made it in to a blog for a reason, either because there wasn't enough space, or they weren't funny, or they were too mean, or one of a million other reasons. So we just list them all here, where we can explore them, and, often, understand why they never made it in to the blog.

• Okay, so now that he has killed Hitler, do you think Tom Cruise will make a series of movies in which he goes back to other points in time to cure the world's evils? Like a movie where he goes back and kills Genghis Khan, and then a movie where he goes back and actually saves the Lindbergh baby, and then a movie where he goes back more recently and runs and defeats Obama in the election? We assume - and I think it is a pretty safe bet - that he is a Republican.
• Oh, okay, one day in the Dos Offices, The Captain and I are talking to this dude who claims that he knows Greg Norman, the famous golfer, which is totally plausible because Norman lives about twenty minutes from the DOs. I think he said he did some accounting work for Norman's company. So we are like, "what kind of guy is he," and the dude thinks for a second and goes, "he has excellent penmanship."
• Okay, another day we were talking about body composition, how they say the human body is composed of 90% water. There is no way, right? A structure composed of 90% water couldn't even stand up, let alone retain a human shape. I'm no biologist, but its got to be 8-12%, max.
• There was a story I was going to tell about how I grew up in a little Palestinian neighborhood in Connecticut. The notes on this were poorly written (should have had Greg Norman transcribe them), so some of the story is lost. But I think it was something about how my brother would get really upset that we were living there, and then fly off the handle at my mom at the dinner table, screaming at her for serving us pasta out of a can, and then my dad would take him out back with the switch and tan his hide good. I wish I could remember that one better.
• There was this whole theory about how The Stones are better than David Bowie (not now, of course, because they both suck - we mean in the 70s), but David Bowie's songs hold up better. Like, it is impossible to listen to Brown Sugar without feeling aggravated that someone would still play it, yet Young Americans is always still kind of cool. Are his songs maybe a little more nuanced and subtle? Also, related to that, do you know the David Bowie song Lady Stardust? Great torch song about an androgynous alien rock star? Bowie has two different versions of it where he changes just one word. He is watching the rock star perform in a club and he is totally smitten and he goes, "Oooh, how I sighed when they asked if I knew his name," but in later versions of the song he changed it to "Oooh, how I lied when they asked if I knew his name." That totally changes the meaning of it. I think that is why his songs hold up better than the Stones'. Yes, I did a lot of drugs to David Bowie.
• Oh yeah, so The Captain, he is a little older than some of our readers, and one day he brings up the old-time actor Tyrone Power, whom I have kind of vaguely heard of - maybe. And he sees my confusion, and in an effort to clarify, he goes, "He was crazy, like Errol Flynn." Oh, crazy like Errol Flynn - why didn't you just say so?
• There was something about Mormons building high rise condos. We spent like twenty minutes on this - I think we read a story about it in the newspaper - but I didn't write down anything else, and I don't remember what the story was, or why we talked about it.
• Oh, so we know this one guy, he is a big Jets fan from Long Island, very New York-y, but still, a good dude. Also, handicapped, which makes us love picking on him even more. When the Jets fired their coach right after the season, we suggested Johnny "Lam" Jones as a replacement. Or, if he wasn't available, Norm Chow. The guy, he is in a wheelchair, but he drives a specially retro-fitted van with only his hands, which he proudly showed off to us one day, but which we refused to get in because, as we told him, "that isn't even remotely safe." The moral of this story is that you really have to make fun of handicapped people just like anyone else.
• We put up a new rim at DH (Dos Hacienda), set that mug at 8.5 feet, and went to the rim strong! I couldn't feel my hand for about a week.
• So we always wanted to work in this phrase that our Scottish friend uses, "crack a light," like, shed some light, we would probably say. We only used it once, only because we always forget. But we never worked in a couple other phrases that we always intended to: "Ready to go," in a specific Jody Foster reference to the movie Contact. Dos reader Thor's wife said that to us once and we liked it. Never remembered to put it in a post, though. Also, "shanghaied." Never found a spot for that. Also, "it looks good on you, though, D - it looks good on you."
• This wasn't really a blog idea, but more of a tv recommendation: for about a three week span I watched Survivorman (Survivor Man?) episodes every night, two a night. This Canadian guy goes in the wilderness and lives in harsh conditions for a week, all by himself, with no provisions. He'll go to the Amazon, then the Rocky Mountains, then an igloo, etc. Anytime he locates something good to eat, usually witchy grubs from a tree, he goes, "that's a good find."
• Okay, so one night at DH, M.Minutos and I had a big argument because she didn't know the difference between Sean Astin and Robert Sean Leonard. Jesus Christ - we watched Tape starring Ethan Hawke, Uma Thurman, and Robert Sean Leonard in the movie theater together. Sean Astin is a fucking hobbit. Come on, grow the fuck up...
• Thor mentioned Drudge one day. Drudge is always funny. He's, like, just funny. By the way, he's still alive, right?
• One day in the DOs, this guy told us that he read that instead of giving 3 billion to the car companies, if you just divided it up amongst 3 million Americans, it would help the economy a lot more. Also, he said that he loves Chevy Malibus, so we told told him that if they did give the 3 billion to the car companies they would probably still build Chevy Malibus, at least for a while, and he was like, "okay, I'm for that, then."
• One day we started to make a list of what different Heat players would like as their favorite movie, but it quickly changed in to a discussion about how The Captain's favorite movie is probably Wall Street, but only because the Mike Douglas character buys the small airline by getting union concessions under false pretenses, then busts up the company and all the union guys lose their jobs. The only downer for The Captain came when union chief Martin Sheen survives his mid-film heart attack.
• Okay, so this is a music recommendation that never made it in to a post: never download KT Tunstall. I was flipping around channels one night...never mind, just don't download KT Tunstall. I don't think that's a typo, by the way, I don't think she uses periods to abbreviate her names. Musicians are nuts, man.
• Oh, so unlike some stories on here, this one is true: freshman year of college we are walking down Commonwealth Avenue in Boston late one night and this old school van pulls up next to us, and the door slides open and some scraggly looking dudes are like, "do you want a ride?" So we climb in, and they are all getting high, and we are like, "who are you dudes," and they are like, "did you ever hear of Lynyrd Skynyrd," and we're like, "of course," and they are like, "we're them." And we are like, "didn't you guys die in a plane crash like fifteen years ago," and they are like, "no, we faked that."
• So one of our best readers, we can't reveal his identity, but he loves New Jersey Nets sideline reporter Michelle Beadle. Here is a link to her bio: http://web.yesnetwork.com/announcers/bio.jsp?id=mbeadle. Yes, she is very, very white, but there is nothing wrong with that, to each his own. So, you know how when someone really kind of is enamored of someone else they are just telling you normal stuff about their crush, and to you it is kind of dull, but to them it is totally captivating? So like this reader has been telling me how Beadle is really elevating the art of sideline reporting, whether it be a probing pre-trade deadline interview with Net GM Rod Thorn, or a halftime feature piece on Chairman Yi's rehab from a broken hand. Someone has been married a loooong time - I'm not saying if it's me, I'm not saying it's this reader - I'm just saying that someone has. Anyway, this reader will be mad - on the outside - that I brought this up, but on the inside he'll be kind of happy, because when it comes down to it, this is just more time spent thinking about Michelle Beadle.
• This one note says: "John McCain thong," but I don't remember what it was about. I think we read you can buy an Obama thong, and we were thinking about who would wear a McCain thong, or something, but I'm not sure. It isn't funny now, and I don't think it was funny even then.
• Oh, this was interesting: one night after work I was putting gas in my car and sitting in the front seat while it filled up, and this young black guy wearing a hoodie and fatigues and carrying some sort of satchel comes up in front of my car and says, "hey, come on up here, I want to show you something." So I say, "what?" I wasn't scared or anything - I just assumed I was being robbed, there wasn't much I could do about it. And he smiles and says, "I kind of look like a car jacker, right," and I say, "yeah, pretty much," and he reaches in to the satchel and pulls out a squirt bottle and says, "I work for Arrigo Dodge, and I can clean off your headlights with this solution from work if you will pay me $5," and my headlights were kind of foggy, so I paid him, and he cleaned them right up - they looked good. So I asked him, "did you just steal that bottle from work," and he goes, "yup," and I'm like, "all profit," and he is like, "exactly." And then he gave me his phone number in case I ever need any other kind of detailing done - he says he can clean any part of a car, inside or out, and based on what I saw, I believe him. Anyways, I won't publish his name here because he did steal the cleaner, but if you live near West Palm Beach and want your car detailed, let me know and I will hook you up with him.
• One day I spent an hour trying to find an authentic bagpipe album on the Russian website, but all I could find were cheesy novelty albums where its like guys playing Smells Like Teen Spirit, but on the bagpipes. Bagpipe music - like in Braveheart - that's cool. Imagine an attack on the 8.5 foot rim at DH with bagpipe music blaring in the driveway. Can our Scottish reader point us in the right direction? Is there like a Exile on Main Street of bagpipe music?
• Finally, big debate in the DOs the other day about which is the gayer movie for a grown adult male to watch multiple times on tv: Dreamgirls or The 300? It's an open question of sorts, in the sense that it isn't that clear whether watching shirtless, ripped, oiled-up, steroid freaks wearing nothing but loin cloths, and climbing all over each other in a homoerotic frenzy for 120 minutes is actually gay at all. I'm not saying who voted for Dreamgirls and who voted for The 300, I'm just saying that there was a debate...

That's all for now. No game until Wednesday.

Breaking news: Shawn Marion has been traded for Jermaine O'Neal. Initial reaction in the DH: not good. M.Minutos offers, "it's kind of creepy knowing Jermaine O'Neal is on the Heat now." I'm guessing the Heat won't use that when they introduce him early next week...

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Heat 95 Bulls 93

6 Thoughts

1) On the verge of letting a 15 point second half lead slip away, on a night where Dwyane Wade played poorly (as he always seems to in his hometown), tie game and four seconds to go, Wade picked off Chicago's inbounds pass and called timeout before falling out of bounds. After the timeout, with 3.5 to go, Wade received the inbounds pass, took a dribble, started to pull up for a jumper...then hit the inbounder, a streaking Shawn Marion, on the dead run for a buzzer beating dunk over Thabo Sefalosha, to win the game. Exhilarating - Miami's most exciting finish of the year pushes them to 28-24 at the All-Star break, 11 more wins than they had all of last year, and sitting in 5th place in the playoff race. The schedule gets brutal for the last 30 games, so every win is essential as they try to scrap their undersized way in to the postseason. Also, felt good for Marion, who has struggled offensively, and has been rumoured in approximately 65 different trades over the past three days as the trading deadline approaches next Friday. Glad he had a moment where he was a hero. Don't unpack the bags quite yet, though.

2) Wade was just 9-23 from the floor - perhaps still suffering from the flu. No one plays him tougher than Bulls guard Kirk Hinrich, for whatever reason. Okay, it's mostly because he is white and no one will call a foul on him. Wade also got lit up by Ben Gordon for 34 points. Bad night. But besides the steal, and game winning assist, also had three other buckets in the final 2 minutes - even on a bad night, he's still their guy. Someone in the Minutos Compound was calling for Coach Spo to "pull him the f- out of the game" throughout the second half before his game saving heroics. It doesn't matter who was saying it, just pointing out that someone did say it...

3) After a couple of indifferent games, Mike Beasley lit it up tonight: 9-10 from the floor, 21 points, 7 rebounds, 3 assists, 2 blocks. Without him and his Ritalin Kid buddy Daequan Cook (4-6 threes) the Heat were nowhere tonight. On the down side, The Beas' name is floating in trade rumours for Phoenix power forward Amare Stoudamire. Stoudamire plays no defense, seems like a bad teammate, and is a bit of a head case...also, a dear, dear friend who is a legitimate scoring machine, and if I can flip Marion's expiring deal and Beasley into Stoudamire, I'll miss Mike immensely, but I'll get over it.

4) These Bulls - Jesus, they are messed up. They are talented. They have shooters, length, ballhandlers, rebounders, veterans, young guys. Most of all, though, they have Tyrus Thomas, a 6'8" force of nature, one way or another. He had 15 points, 8 rebounds, 6 turnovers, 3 goaltends (2 defensive, 1 offensive), three arguments, and missed approximately 30 defensive assignments leading to Heat baskets. He is a whirling, athletic epicenter of basketball activity, not all of it good. I don't think there is any way he puts it all together - just too, too far to go. This team needs to be broken up - and, coincidentally, they are rumoured to be a primary contender with Miami for Stoudamire's services. A Shaq-Tyrus Thomas-Grant Hill front line might be too good for Phoenix to pass up. That might be worth getting my NBA Ticket package re-activated for, the comedic potential of that trio is high, very high.

5) Game on TNT tonight, no Sunshine coverage. The national announcers don't see nearly as many Heat games as Eric Reid, Tony Fiorentino, or the Minutos household, and it is always aggravating. Tonight's color commentator, at least, was old friend, former Heat announcer , The Czar, Mike Fratello. I know my credibility is suspect at this point, but a woman I know dated him for a while when he broadcasting Heat games. I would send messages to him through her (which she delivered), and encouraged her to steal something from his house for me (which she agreed to do, then got scared) until he finally sent me a note back, essentially accusing me of being a stalker, albeit in a good natured way. Later, after they broke up, we drunk dialed him once. Okay, a couple of times. Okay, it was several times, but it was while he was coaching Memphis, and my calls were actually to suggest trades, not to harass him - believe me, she is my friend, but if I had the opportunity to choose, I'm taking his side without even thinking about it.

6) Okay, I may have mentioned this before, but over the last few years why is Michael Jordan starring in a series of gay underwear ads for Haines? By the way, often on this blog we use the word "gay" to mean "lame," but in this case we mean "homosexual," without any pejorative intent. First, he was playing footsie in his underwear with Kevin Bacon in a famous series of ads (you know him - one of The Bacon Brothers: http://www.baconbros.com/site.php). Then he was gaying it up with Cuba Gooding Jr in an ad which seemed to poke fun at the gayness of the Bacon ads. Now - and this might not be new, but I don't see many tv ads thanks to Tivo - he is in a commercial in which Charlie Sheen drops his trousers to show Jordan his boxers. What? The gayness - fine, no problem. But why those two? I have gay friends - never once have I heard any of them say, "You know who is hot? Paunchy, milky-eyed Mike Jordan, and his middle-aged, dumpy friend Charlie Sheen." If you are going to have gay underwear ads, why not get someone who gay people think is hot, like Chris Isaak?

No games until next Wednesday, vs. Minnesota, but we should have a post over the weekend of Ideas That Were Not Good Enough to Be Included in a Post. Actually, looking at the list, it is going to take two posts to get them all in, so we may save some for later in the season, or in case Miami goes on a long losing streak.

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Nuggets 99 Heat 82

6 Thoughts

1) For the second time this year, brutally beat down by Denver. Miami came out for the opening tip with the intensity level dialed up to approximately zero, got down 16, and stayed there for most of the game. Wade brought them back early in the third and back-to-back threes by Chalmers cut the lead to 5 midway through the quarter, but they could never get over the hump. Chalmers was schooled most of the night by Chauncey Billups, who had 23 points, 5 assists, and completely controlled the flow of the game on both ends of the floor. He dominated the game.

2) Miami absolutely got killed inside where Nene, Carmelo Anthony, and, especially, Kenyon Martin, threw their weight around on both ends of the court. Forty-two minutes of center play between Joel Anthony and Jamal Magloire produced a grand total of zero points on one shot - that's hard to believe. Factor in a non-productive 33 minutes from Udonis Haslem (6 points, 4 boards), and it made for a miserable night. It was a night where a lack of size and athleticism upfront was too much to overcome.

3) 27-24 with one game left before the all-star break, Thursday in Chicago, against a Bulls team trying to climb back in to the playoff picture (4.5 games behind Miami, but 1 game out of the eighth and final playoff spot). Big game.

4) We neglected to mention in our most recent blogs that Dos reader, and non-ballplayer, Thor made a visit to Dos Hacienda over the weekend. Promptly missed his first dozen or so shots at the new backboard and was in the midst of having his jump shot compared unfavorably to 6 year old O. Minutos when he suddenly flashed in to the lane, received a pass going directly away from the basket, and flung a 11 foot swish blindly back in over his head. He has, upon reflection, modestly dubbed it "the shot of the century." Also took the time to complain that the shot was not mentioned in this very blog - we have rectified that tonight.

5) Also displeased with some of the going-ons lately, The Captain, who complained about us missing Sunday night's Bobcat victory due to a Tivo malfunction:

Dear Dos,

I am proposing that we take up a collection around the Dos Minutos office so that you can pay your satellite TV bill. I hate seeing that Deluxe NBA package going to waste. I don't have time to watch all of the Miami Heat games, what with working the door at the Booby Trap during the week and as a valet parking attendant at Rachel's on the weekends so that I can afford to make 3 alimony payments monthly and still have some cake left to chase tail on South Beach, so I really depend on your spot-on analyses following the games.

Maybe if you would stop spending all of your money on Swedish massages and Turkish baths and Vietnamese manicures and Cuban cigars and Mexican agave, you wouldn't have these "tivo incidents."

Dos answers: "I don't have the NBA package this year. Not enough time to stay up to all hours of the night watching west coast games. No comment on all other charges."

6) After the recent A-Roid revelations, if there is still anyone who believes that the second greatest power hitting shortstop of all-time, Mr. Cal Ripken, didn't also use steroids despite posting heretofore unprecedented power numbers for his position, exhibiting early male pattern baldness, never missing a game for approximately twenty straight seasons, and playing with several other known steroid users, I have some additional expenditures on the economic stimulus package that I would like you to sign off on. Over time, I promise, they will more than pay for themselves...

Programming note: we should have post-game thoughts Thursday, as per normal, then plan to celebrate All-Star weekend with a long-awaited second list of "Ideas That Never, For One Reason Or Another, Made It In To The Blog."

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Heat 96 Bobcats 92

No thoughts tonight - TIVO incident. Second missed game of the year, through 50. All-time Dos Minutos record, again, 77 games (out of 82) in 96-97 season.

Back Tuesday night vs. Denver.

Sixers 94 Heat 84

6 Thoughts

1) Second tough peer group road loss in a row for Miami as they slip back to only 3 games over .500 at 26-23, now just a game in front of the Sixers for 6th in the East. Wade seemed not himself and the Sixers defended him well, keeping him, for the most part, on the perimeter, and limiting him to 21 points on 8-19 shooting.

2) Also for the second game in a row, Miami had a tough time with the officiating. The Sixers, down 6 entering the fourth quarter, shot 8 free throws in the first 80 seconds of the quarter, and Miami had to play the last ten and a half minutes knowing any foul they committed was two shots. With the building rocking in a fairly important game, Miami got frustrated when their own drives to the baskets were not rewarded with free throws - they never got in to the bonus at all in the fourth quarter, and that was a huge factor in the game. That happens, though, on the road - you have to find a way to overcome that. Miami couldn't tonight. When Wade is having an off night night, they really don't have a second veteran scorer who can make plays in a hostile environment - Mike Beasley tried with 8 fourth quarter points, but it wasn't quite enough.

3) Trade deadline rolls around in about two weeks. The most serious rumor seems to be Shawn Marion and his expiring contract, along with Marcus Banks' interminable contract, for aging Raptors big man Jermaine O'Neal. Look, Shawn Marion is expendable - his hybrid forward spot is the one position Miami has depth at. And Jermaine O'Neal is a defensive presence in the middle, and could give them an occasional relief hoop in the basket area, something Miami rarely gets. It just seems like the team has good chemistry, and deserves to play it out. Marion has always played hard even if he is awkward offensively. If he leaves for nothing in the offseason, Miami will have his cap room to facilitate trades or sign free agents who might be of more help than Jermaine O'Neal. Plus, M. Minutos has long despised Jermaine O'Neal. I am voting against this trade, although it is far from an easy decision. It is going to go right down to the deadline, I would imagine. Miami has to hold Marion's contract just in case someone else shakes free: Amare Stoudamire, or, far less likely, Chris Bosh.

4) Early in the broadcast Heat announcer Eric Reid noted that Sixer center Samuel Dalembert, of Haitian decent, loves Miami, and has a lot of family there. "The Haitian community in South Florida embraces Samuel Dalembert," Eric informed us. Dalembert was effective tonight with 10 rebounds and 3 blocks in 22 minutes, but took just one shot and scored a mere 2 points. Everywhere I go in South Florida, Haitians are complaining to me that Samuel Dalembert isn't a bigger part of the Sixers' offensive game plan. Just this morning, a guy on the massage table next to mine, who seemed kind of Haitian, asked me why the Sixers don't pound it in to Dalembert more often. "I don't know, sir," I told the guy.

5) Ster-Rod.

6) Four, five hundred times, I could see...
http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20090205/od_afp/skoreamotoringoffbeat_20090205024852

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Pistons 93 Heat 90

6 Thoughts

1) It was a good game, both teams played hard.

2) It was a good game, both teams played hard.

3) It was a good game, both teams played hard.

4) It was a good game, both teams played hard.

5) Derrick Stafford sucks.
http://bbs.clutchfans.net/showthread.php?t=53439

6) Been reading a great deal about British parliamentary politics of the 1830s the past couple of months. Basically, you had three guys each trying to create a large enough coalition to install himself as Prime Minister and thus direct policy - especially economic policy, which was the focus of the era, along with the expansion of the voting franchise. Russell, the head of the liberal Whig party, pieced together a coalition of liberal aristocrats, Irish ministers, and radical dissenters. Historical opinion is somewhat divided on whether Russell was a true altruistic reformer, or merely an aristocrat who sought to protect landed interests by promoting moderate reform, thus avoiding what might otherwise have festered in to a more radical revision of the social order. Obama, he is kind of like Russell. Peel was the leader of the conservative Tory party, although he was far more centrist than much of his party, and always existed with them in an uneasy alliance. Because he always lacked a majority in parliament, he had to be centrist enough to attract conservative Whigs, but still appease his radical ultra Tory followers. That is kind of like McCain. Stanley was the third major figure of the era. He was a Whig as a young man, but soon his aristocratic proclivities compelled him to split from the Whigs over the issue of church appropriation in Ireland. Basically, the Whig Russell wanted the income of the Anglican Church, to which Irish Catholic citizens were forced to tithe (Ireland was not an independent nation at this time), to be shared for the education of all Irish, not just Anglican Church members (Ireland was 90% Catholic, 10% Anglican). Stanley couldn't abide by this, feeling it his duty to protect the interests of both the national Anglican Church, as well as his perception of the basic property rights of significantly landed persons or entities. An irascible and combative man by nature, the Whigs were happy to force him out over this issue, whereupon he promptly joined Peel in the Tory party. Soon, however, he and Peel parted ways when Peel began to promote free trade - again, Stanley couldn't abide by landed interests being forced to give up some of their legislative advantages. Stanley formed his own party, essentially, and tried to create a coalition based around a landed protectionist theme, but was never successful during this time, mainly because his combative style had made him so many enemies. In the ensuing decade, he would outlast everyone to become PM three times, but they were short, unsatisfying stays at the top for the same reason. Stanley, he's pretty much The Captain, who in true Stanley-esque style, manages to take political shots at me, Obama, McCain, and Buck Owens in the following comment about our Will i am post:



Dear Dos, Will.i.am did a cool little hip hop number that was considered a valuable tool in getting your Obama elected President of these United States, as it rallied the young as well as the minority vote. You should thank, rather than denigrate, him. John McCain might have won that election if he had a catchy little ditty to promote his cause, but he couldn't get Roy Clark and Buck Owens to come out of retirement since "He Haw" was cancelled. The Captain



Dos responds: "My" Obama?

Heat 119 Clippers 95

6 Thoughts

1) Easy, efficient win over the Clippers. They are dreadful right now, weighed down by injuries, a ragtag group of low energy players, and Ricky Davis. Also, this guy: http://thebuzzerbeater.files.wordpress.com/2007/10/skinner-beard.jpg.
Hey, somebody has to keep the memory of Kwame the Boy Genius alive. And, yes, we know you don't know who that is - most of our readers are very, very, white (not that there is anything wrong with that).

2) Playing the Clippers, there are a lot of points to go around, and the Heat spread them out behind Wade's 32. Joining Wade in double figures were Beasley (18 in just 22 minutes), Chalmers (15), Haslem (13), and in his first game back from a pulled groin, Shawn Marion (11). The Bad Matrix also had 7 rebounds and 3 blocks, and looked as athletic as ever. Also, one unintelligible postgame interview with sideline reporter Jason Jackson. As he was leaving J.J., Marion whooped something at him. I thought he said, "Mo-town!," as Miami plays in Detroit on Wednesday. M. Minutos thought he was giving J.J. some nickname, because J.J. shook his head and said, "naw, naw," although I contended that J.J., like us, didn't understand a word Marion said. Replays were inconclusive. The trade deadline is nearing and Marion has been rumoured to be in potential swaps for Jermaine O'Neal, or Josh Howard. As strange as his game is, I wouldn't trade Marion for either of those guys. He is Miami's best defensive player, best rebounder, and further, this group has earned the right to play it out and see if they can finish strong and make the playoffs. It is a remarkable turnaround from 15 wins all last season (now 26-21). Marion's contract runs out after the season and Miami can always use his cap space to sign a player or facilitate a trade if they don't want to resign him. Let the kid stay!

3) Jamal Magloire started his seventh straight game, and had 5 rebounds in 13 minutes. Minutes are rotated between Magloire, Joel Anthony, and Udonis Haslem, depending on the opponent. The Clippers lack any girth inside, so there was nobody for Jamal to guard. Still, as Tony Fiorentino pointed out, Jamal always rebounds in whatever minutes he is in there, and guessed that he is leading the league in rebounds per minutes: "I don't know what the exact stat is, Eric, but he has to be." You could always look it up before you come to announce the game.

4) Dos Minutos now has a favorite referree. His name is John Gobel, he was a high school teammate of Udonis Haslem at Miami Senior High, and he gave Udonis a three point play by calling a questionable blocking foul on Clipper Steve Novack as Udonis plowed him over while laying the ball in the basket halfway through the second quarter. Love that John Gobel - can we get some more of him?

5) Mr. Mike Beasley. Good night of basketball with 18 points and 7 rebounds in 22 minutes. One late hustle play when he dove on the floor after a loose ball, and came up rubbing his elbow. In the Sunsport Winner's Lounge with Jason Jackson after the game, showed the resultant bruise on camera for all of South Florida to see. Then told J.J., "I bet I know something you don't: you can't lick your elbow." Solid point. You can not lick your elbow. Also told J.J. one of the things he has learned this season is that, "you can't play 100% percent all the time." Uh-oh - I think I saw him talking to semi-interested Clipper power forward Zach Randolph during a time out. Please, keep the young power forward away from Zach Randolph!

6) Humans have inhabited the earth for, what, a few thousand years? How we do we all get the misfortune of being alive for approximately the same 6-8 decades as Will i am? Am I even spelling that right? I think there are retarded dots, or periods in there somewhere. Is it just bad luck, or is there some kind of curse on us? Sweet Jesus, please deliver us from Will i am...