- Okay, so now that he has killed Hitler, do you think Tom Cruise will make a series of movies in which he goes back to other points in time to cure the world's evils? Like a movie where he goes back and kills Genghis Khan, and then a movie where he goes back and actually saves the Lindbergh baby, and then a movie where he goes back more recently and runs and defeats Obama in the election? We assume - and I think it is a pretty safe bet - that he is a Republican.
- Oh, okay, one day in the Dos Offices, The Captain and I are talking to this dude who claims that he knows Greg Norman, the famous golfer, which is totally plausible because Norman lives about twenty minutes from the DOs. I think he said he did some accounting work for Norman's company. So we are like, "what kind of guy is he," and the dude thinks for a second and goes, "he has excellent penmanship."
- Okay, another day we were talking about body composition, how they say the human body is composed of 90% water. There is no way, right? A structure composed of 90% water couldn't even stand up, let alone retain a human shape. I'm no biologist, but its got to be 8-12%, max.
- There was a story I was going to tell about how I grew up in a little Palestinian neighborhood in Connecticut. The notes on this were poorly written (should have had Greg Norman transcribe them), so some of the story is lost. But I think it was something about how my brother would get really upset that we were living there, and then fly off the handle at my mom at the dinner table, screaming at her for serving us pasta out of a can, and then my dad would take him out back with the switch and tan his hide good. I wish I could remember that one better.
- There was this whole theory about how The Stones are better than David Bowie (not now, of course, because they both suck - we mean in the 70s), but David Bowie's songs hold up better. Like, it is impossible to listen to Brown Sugar without feeling aggravated that someone would still play it, yet Young Americans is always still kind of cool. Are his songs maybe a little more nuanced and subtle? Also, related to that, do you know the David Bowie song Lady Stardust? Great torch song about an androgynous alien rock star? Bowie has two different versions of it where he changes just one word. He is watching the rock star perform in a club and he is totally smitten and he goes, "Oooh, how I sighed when they asked if I knew his name," but in later versions of the song he changed it to "Oooh, how I lied when they asked if I knew his name." That totally changes the meaning of it. I think that is why his songs hold up better than the Stones'. Yes, I did a lot of drugs to David Bowie.
- Oh yeah, so The Captain, he is a little older than some of our readers, and one day he brings up the old-time actor Tyrone Power, whom I have kind of vaguely heard of - maybe. And he sees my confusion, and in an effort to clarify, he goes, "He was crazy, like Errol Flynn." Oh, crazy like Errol Flynn - why didn't you just say so?
- There was something about Mormons building high rise condos. We spent like twenty minutes on this - I think we read a story about it in the newspaper - but I didn't write down anything else, and I don't remember what the story was, or why we talked about it.
- Oh, so we know this one guy, he is a big Jets fan from Long Island, very New York-y, but still, a good dude. Also, handicapped, which makes us love picking on him even more. When the Jets fired their coach right after the season, we suggested Johnny "Lam" Jones as a replacement. Or, if he wasn't available, Norm Chow. The guy, he is in a wheelchair, but he drives a specially retro-fitted van with only his hands, which he proudly showed off to us one day, but which we refused to get in because, as we told him, "that isn't even remotely safe." The moral of this story is that you really have to make fun of handicapped people just like anyone else.
- We put up a new rim at DH (Dos Hacienda), set that mug at 8.5 feet, and went to the rim strong! I couldn't feel my hand for about a week.
- So we always wanted to work in this phrase that our Scottish friend uses, "crack a light," like, shed some light, we would probably say. We only used it once, only because we always forget. But we never worked in a couple other phrases that we always intended to: "Ready to go," in a specific Jody Foster reference to the movie Contact. Dos reader Thor's wife said that to us once and we liked it. Never remembered to put it in a post, though. Also, "shanghaied." Never found a spot for that. Also, "it looks good on you, though, D - it looks good on you."
- This wasn't really a blog idea, but more of a tv recommendation: for about a three week span I watched Survivorman (Survivor Man?) episodes every night, two a night. This Canadian guy goes in the wilderness and lives in harsh conditions for a week, all by himself, with no provisions. He'll go to the Amazon, then the Rocky Mountains, then an igloo, etc. Anytime he locates something good to eat, usually witchy grubs from a tree, he goes, "that's a good find."
- Okay, so one night at DH, M.Minutos and I had a big argument because she didn't know the difference between Sean Astin and Robert Sean Leonard. Jesus Christ - we watched Tape starring Ethan Hawke, Uma Thurman, and Robert Sean Leonard in the movie theater together. Sean Astin is a fucking hobbit. Come on, grow the fuck up...
- Thor mentioned Drudge one day. Drudge is always funny. He's, like, just funny. By the way, he's still alive, right?
- One day in the DOs, this guy told us that he read that instead of giving 3 billion to the car companies, if you just divided it up amongst 3 million Americans, it would help the economy a lot more. Also, he said that he loves Chevy Malibus, so we told told him that if they did give the 3 billion to the car companies they would probably still build Chevy Malibus, at least for a while, and he was like, "okay, I'm for that, then."
- One day we started to make a list of what different Heat players would like as their favorite movie, but it quickly changed in to a discussion about how The Captain's favorite movie is probably Wall Street, but only because the Mike Douglas character buys the small airline by getting union concessions under false pretenses, then busts up the company and all the union guys lose their jobs. The only downer for The Captain came when union chief Martin Sheen survives his mid-film heart attack.
- Okay, so this is a music recommendation that never made it in to a post: never download KT Tunstall. I was flipping around channels one night...never mind, just don't download KT Tunstall. I don't think that's a typo, by the way, I don't think she uses periods to abbreviate her names. Musicians are nuts, man.
- Oh, so unlike some stories on here, this one is true: freshman year of college we are walking down Commonwealth Avenue in Boston late one night and this old school van pulls up next to us, and the door slides open and some scraggly looking dudes are like, "do you want a ride?" So we climb in, and they are all getting high, and we are like, "who are you dudes," and they are like, "did you ever hear of Lynyrd Skynyrd," and we're like, "of course," and they are like, "we're them." And we are like, "didn't you guys die in a plane crash like fifteen years ago," and they are like, "no, we faked that."
- So one of our best readers, we can't reveal his identity, but he loves New Jersey Nets sideline reporter Michelle Beadle. Here is a link to her bio: http://web.yesnetwork.com/announcers/bio.jsp?id=mbeadle. Yes, she is very, very white, but there is nothing wrong with that, to each his own. So, you know how when someone really kind of is enamored of someone else they are just telling you normal stuff about their crush, and to you it is kind of dull, but to them it is totally captivating? So like this reader has been telling me how Beadle is really elevating the art of sideline reporting, whether it be a probing pre-trade deadline interview with Net GM Rod Thorn, or a halftime feature piece on Chairman Yi's rehab from a broken hand. Someone has been married a loooong time - I'm not saying if it's me, I'm not saying it's this reader - I'm just saying that someone has. Anyway, this reader will be mad - on the outside - that I brought this up, but on the inside he'll be kind of happy, because when it comes down to it, this is just more time spent thinking about Michelle Beadle.
- This one note says: "John McCain thong," but I don't remember what it was about. I think we read you can buy an Obama thong, and we were thinking about who would wear a McCain thong, or something, but I'm not sure. It isn't funny now, and I don't think it was funny even then.
- Oh, this was interesting: one night after work I was putting gas in my car and sitting in the front seat while it filled up, and this young black guy wearing a hoodie and fatigues and carrying some sort of satchel comes up in front of my car and says, "hey, come on up here, I want to show you something." So I say, "what?" I wasn't scared or anything - I just assumed I was being robbed, there wasn't much I could do about it. And he smiles and says, "I kind of look like a car jacker, right," and I say, "yeah, pretty much," and he reaches in to the satchel and pulls out a squirt bottle and says, "I work for Arrigo Dodge, and I can clean off your headlights with this solution from work if you will pay me $5," and my headlights were kind of foggy, so I paid him, and he cleaned them right up - they looked good. So I asked him, "did you just steal that bottle from work," and he goes, "yup," and I'm like, "all profit," and he is like, "exactly." And then he gave me his phone number in case I ever need any other kind of detailing done - he says he can clean any part of a car, inside or out, and based on what I saw, I believe him. Anyways, I won't publish his name here because he did steal the cleaner, but if you live near West Palm Beach and want your car detailed, let me know and I will hook you up with him.
- One day I spent an hour trying to find an authentic bagpipe album on the Russian website, but all I could find were cheesy novelty albums where its like guys playing Smells Like Teen Spirit, but on the bagpipes. Bagpipe music - like in Braveheart - that's cool. Imagine an attack on the 8.5 foot rim at DH with bagpipe music blaring in the driveway. Can our Scottish reader point us in the right direction? Is there like a Exile on Main Street of bagpipe music?
- Finally, big debate in the DOs the other day about which is the gayer movie for a grown adult male to watch multiple times on tv: Dreamgirls or The 300? It's an open question of sorts, in the sense that it isn't that clear whether watching shirtless, ripped, oiled-up, steroid freaks wearing nothing but loin cloths, and climbing all over each other in a homoerotic frenzy for 120 minutes is actually gay at all. I'm not saying who voted for Dreamgirls and who voted for The 300, I'm just saying that there was a debate...
That's all for now. No game until Wednesday.
Breaking news: Shawn Marion has been traded for Jermaine O'Neal. Initial reaction in the DH: not good. M.Minutos offers, "it's kind of creepy knowing Jermaine O'Neal is on the Heat now." I'm guessing the Heat won't use that when they introduce him early next week...
------------------------
