6 Thoughts
1) It was a grind, Miami didn't play well, but anytime you go on the road in the NBA, against a probable playoff team, and win - good night, no matter how you get there. Both teams on the second night of a back-to-back, and it showed - low energy. But you can never complain about 4-1 in the NBA. Doesn't matter who you played, or how you got it done...
2) Much of the night featured Dwyane Wade against Wizard superstar Gilbert Arenas, back, and seemingly quicker than ever, after two years of surgery and knee rehabilitation. Wade, for the second night in a row, seemed somewhat subdued, but on this night he subdued his way to 40 points, and a huge late block of a Caron Butler drive. Gilbert shot 15 free throws on his way to 32 points of his own, but had three straight bad possessions with 40 seconds to go: drive and miss, drive and short alley-oop attempt to Brendan Haywood which inadvertently hit the rim and went awry, drive and miss. With a Wade jumper, and two Haslem free throws at the other end, that was the game.
3) One potential explanation for why Arenas wore down late, and suffered through a tough 9-27 shooting night? The newest Presidential candidate, Quentin Richardson, hounded him throughout the second half. For a formerly roly-poly small forward to take the defensive assignment against the opponent's lightening quick point guard is unusual, impressive, and not a job for just anyone. That's why Q Rich is a Presidential candidate. Further, Q hit 5 of 7 threes, including a shot-clock-running-out-fling-from-my-hip late in the game that put the Heat up one. Q also seems to have appointed himself intermediary between DWade and the officials, often steering Wade away from confrontation during the several dozen times a game he challenges a call. Q Rich, boy, Q Rich!
4) Not faring so well in the back-to-back situation: Jermaine O'Neal. The gas tank was on empty. The wheels were flat. Bumper hanging off, driver's side window doesn't roll down. I'm saying he didn't have it. Only 4 points and 7 rebounds in 33 minutes. Did make a big jumper late, and let Brendan Haywood shove him into Gilbert Arenas' late drive, forcing a miss (and an odd no foul call) that decided the game. Let's get those knees on ice, Jermaino.
5) Quick check in on Mike "Supercool" Beasley. He's starting at the 4, but playing minutes at the 3 also, and generally not finishing games in favor of Udonis Haslem. Had 10 and 4 tonight in 24 minutes. He is finishing easy plays around the rim, and competing hard on the boards and defensively. His effort level is at a constant, solid 7 +, flashing 8 for spurts. This is a marked improvement on last year's solid 4, flashing an occasional 5. Noticeably lucid and engaged throughout the game, and always up and cheering on the bench. Good attitude out there. The offense isn't quite there yet - starting, he is now the third option to begin the game, behind postups from Jermaino, which Miami always looks to establish early, and Wade. Last year, coming off the bench, he was freer to fire at will. He can score 25 in his sleep if you turn him loose, so the offense will come. But the other stuff? So far, so good.
6) Okay, so here is my main thing about the po-lice. It is a point that I try to make to right-wing-police-state-loving The Captain all the time. How many times are you sitting around, enjoying yourself, and then you think: “You know what would really make this even more fun, just absolutely put this moment over the top? If the po-lice were here!” Never. That never, ever happens. And often it is worse.
A couple of weekends ago I was bringing P.Minutos to his 5 year old soccer game. The park where he plays soccer has multiple soccer and baseball fields, and woefully insufficient parking for busy days. On this particular Saturday, the lot was full up, by a mile. Old white-ish dads were racing around the lot in their 4-Runners trying to position themselves for the next available parking spot. People are cutting off other people, having arguments – the usual embarrassing suburban behavior. Meanwhile, little kids are scampering around the lot at the same time, going to and from their games. Totally unsafe.
I drive to the far end of the lot, far away from everything, and put my car up on a curb – there are approximately 100 cars parked around the lot in this manner. As I start to walk P.Minutos to his game, I see a sheriff’s car about 20 cars down from mine, and it is obvious he is just trolling the lot giving a ticket to everyone who is parked, technically, illegally. Unfortunately, this isn’t America, where you can just exercise good judgment and park so you aren’t blocking anyone in, obstructing any roads, etc. So I walk over to the sheriff and say, as politely as I can muster, “Hey, it seems really kind of unfair to give people who are bringing their kids to their soccer or baseball games parking tickets when there aren’t enough spots in the lot,” and he looks at me, shrugs, and says, “that’s not really my concern.” So I look at the guy and say, “I would think that it kind of is your concern, like the parking lot is very unsafe right now because people are driving all over like crazy people, and there are little kids around, and, like, I thought it was the job of the po-lice to keep people safe (I knew it wasn’t – that was a lie).” And, again, he is just, like, “whatever.” This kind of proves my original point: there are like a thousand people of all ages at this park having fun, not bothering anyone – and here comes the po-lice! Did they make it more fun, or less fun? Exactly…
So we go to the game. I am fuming because the po-lice are assholes. Oh, I forgot one part. After leaving the sheriff, walking towards the game, a very, very white dad looks at me, not knowing I just spoke to the sheriff, and says to me, trying to be helpful, “hey, be careful, they are ticketing people.” Too much to take – I told him, “good, because I will fuckin’ rip it up.” I know, it wasn’t even clever, nor did it make sense. Also, I told P.Minutos, “never talk like that to people.” So, there is a ticket on my car after the game, and on Monday I write a letter to the Clerk of the Court, disputing the ticket; to the Head Po-lice in Charge; and to my County Commissioner , whatever that is (The Captain had to explain to me that we have County Commissioners). I politely explained the situation. A couple of days later, someone from the County Commissioner's office called me to thank me for being such a great citizen because, when she did some digging, she found out what a big problem the parking over there is, and they are taking immediate specific steps to correct it, which she enumerated to me. She asked me “to keep an eye on it” for her, and to call her back next week to report how it went. I said I would, but I won’t, because: 1) soccer season is over, and 2) I’m not a po-lice, I don’t “keep an eye on things” and then report back to headquarters on it.
The sheriff’s department also called me, but didn’t reach me, and promised to call me back at some point this week, though I have not heard from them.
I feel great to have done my little part to help improve the parking at the soccer fields for white dads everywhere, and also, some Hispanic ones. As The Captain pointed out, I am “gettin’ it done.”
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Suns 104 Heat 96
6 Thoughts
1) The undefeated dream is over for Miami. Blah loss. Dwyane Wade filled the stat sheet (23 points, 9 rebounds, 7 assists), but was mediocre and ineffectual. Suns point guard Steve Nash was brilliant with 30 points on 11-15 shooting, and 8 assists. That was much of it right there.
2) Miami's best player tonight: Quentin Richardson. Q-Rich for President! 4 triples on his way to 18 points and 10 rebounds. The formerly rotund Richardson is fitting in well as a jack-of-all-trades complementary player for the Heat. Announcer Eric Reid cited how his new body frame has really helped his game. Realistically, though, he probably has the same body frame, just less body fat. Either way, if he runs in 2012, I'm voting for him for President. Let's get a real black guy in there.
3) M.Minutos pointed out an ever increasing tendency of Heat color commentator Tony Fiorentino to let partner Eric Reid describe a situation, or tell a story, and then comment by essentially restating what Reid just said. Reid told a story about Suns forward Amare Stoudamire's recovery from surgery to re-attach his retina this offseason: "He couldn't do much of anything - for ten days he had to lie absolutely still, face-down on a table." Tony: "Eric, he really couldn't do anything after the surgery - he had to take it easy and stay motionless much of the time." Do you see what we are saying? He takes Reid's words, and then just re-decribes them in a different way. It's like he hears something, and then changes it slightly, saying essentially the same thing. He makes roughly the same point Eric made, just using different words. He regurgitates Reid's thoughts, but using some of his own words. I think you know what we are saying.
4) Tony also trash talked Suns center Channing Frye tonight when Frye objected to a second quarter foul call. The replay clearly showed Frye had committed a foul - "I don't know why he is acting so perplexed, Eric," crowed Tony. A quick live shot showed Frye still frowning on the bench - "He's still perplexed, Eric!"
5) Dos Minutos' fave Dirk writes in with a question: "Is M.Minutos okay with you sleeping with the undead?" Great question - thanks for asking. I think she is cool with it, and can relate, because she has been sleeping with my lifeless body for 15 years. Thank you, I'll be here all week!
6) The Captain also wrote in with a question, which is odd in itself since he spends approximately 25-40 hours a week sitting twelve feet away from me: "When you were in the throes of not giving a fuck, was the knit ski cap you were wearing the same Miami Heat knit ski cap you were wearing while hanging out with Mike Beasley in the infamous photo?" Another excellent question. The answer is yes, but I folded the bottom of the cap down to hide the Heat logo. Hard to be gansta-not-giving-a-fuck with a blazing basketball going through a hoop on your hat. And, yes, that is something I thought about consciously at the time.
Tomorrow night: road game against the Washington Wizards, and a Thought #6 story titled "Why I am a Great American," or, alternately, "Why the Po-lice are Always Assholes." See you then...
-----------
1) The undefeated dream is over for Miami. Blah loss. Dwyane Wade filled the stat sheet (23 points, 9 rebounds, 7 assists), but was mediocre and ineffectual. Suns point guard Steve Nash was brilliant with 30 points on 11-15 shooting, and 8 assists. That was much of it right there.
2) Miami's best player tonight: Quentin Richardson. Q-Rich for President! 4 triples on his way to 18 points and 10 rebounds. The formerly rotund Richardson is fitting in well as a jack-of-all-trades complementary player for the Heat. Announcer Eric Reid cited how his new body frame has really helped his game. Realistically, though, he probably has the same body frame, just less body fat. Either way, if he runs in 2012, I'm voting for him for President. Let's get a real black guy in there.
3) M.Minutos pointed out an ever increasing tendency of Heat color commentator Tony Fiorentino to let partner Eric Reid describe a situation, or tell a story, and then comment by essentially restating what Reid just said. Reid told a story about Suns forward Amare Stoudamire's recovery from surgery to re-attach his retina this offseason: "He couldn't do much of anything - for ten days he had to lie absolutely still, face-down on a table." Tony: "Eric, he really couldn't do anything after the surgery - he had to take it easy and stay motionless much of the time." Do you see what we are saying? He takes Reid's words, and then just re-decribes them in a different way. It's like he hears something, and then changes it slightly, saying essentially the same thing. He makes roughly the same point Eric made, just using different words. He regurgitates Reid's thoughts, but using some of his own words. I think you know what we are saying.
4) Tony also trash talked Suns center Channing Frye tonight when Frye objected to a second quarter foul call. The replay clearly showed Frye had committed a foul - "I don't know why he is acting so perplexed, Eric," crowed Tony. A quick live shot showed Frye still frowning on the bench - "He's still perplexed, Eric!"
5) Dos Minutos' fave Dirk writes in with a question: "Is M.Minutos okay with you sleeping with the undead?" Great question - thanks for asking. I think she is cool with it, and can relate, because she has been sleeping with my lifeless body for 15 years. Thank you, I'll be here all week!
6) The Captain also wrote in with a question, which is odd in itself since he spends approximately 25-40 hours a week sitting twelve feet away from me: "When you were in the throes of not giving a fuck, was the knit ski cap you were wearing the same Miami Heat knit ski cap you were wearing while hanging out with Mike Beasley in the infamous photo?" Another excellent question. The answer is yes, but I folded the bottom of the cap down to hide the Heat logo. Hard to be gansta-not-giving-a-fuck with a blazing basketball going through a hoop on your hat. And, yes, that is something I thought about consciously at the time.
Tomorrow night: road game against the Washington Wizards, and a Thought #6 story titled "Why I am a Great American," or, alternately, "Why the Po-lice are Always Assholes." See you then...
-----------
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Heat 95 Bulls 87
6 Thoughts
1) Okay - first playoff team of the season Miami has played, and another win. As former Heat point guard Tim Hardaway used to say, this game was "nip and tuck." A reader pointed out that we didn't mention Tim had his uniform retired before the first game this season. Once again, I was shocked by the size of the actual uniform retired - it's a good 8 feet tall. I always assumed retired jerseys were normal-sized...
2) Battle tonight was between Chicago's superior length and athleticism, and Miami's more imposing physicality. Miami didn't have a true matchup for long Chicago small forward Luol Deng, who scored 26, but got double-doubles out of both Michael Beasley (10 and 11), and Udonis Haslem (19 and 11). UD continues to look unbelievably spry off Miami's bench.
3) Good night for two role players. Backup point guard Carlos Arroyo, from Puerto Rico and Florida International University, carried Miami for a significant second half stretch, finishing with 12 points in 16 minutes on 5 of 7 shooting. Also, Heat announcer Eric Reid pointed out that Carlos' jersey is now available at the Miami Heat team store. Starting small forward Quentin Richardson, who struggled to contain Deng, and had just one basket in Miami's first two games, knocked down the biggest shot of the game, a huge 3 off a Wade drive and kick with about a minute to go. During the ensuing timeout, Q danced around the court like he had won the Superbowl - act like you've made a shot before, Big Fella.
4) Someone wrote in to ask what the aforementioned Eric Reid, and his sidekick Tony Fiorentino have been up to in the first two games. Well, the usual: Eric's been analytical, efficient, and glad to be back in action. Did I mention he has only missed one Heat games in 22 plus years? Tony has been, as per usual, echoing my every comment, much to M.Minutos' distress. But tonight, an added element: a first quarter technical snafu led to Eric Reid's mic being shut off, and Tony's sounding like he was filing a satellite report from the field in Kabul. However, they didn't realize it, so there were long stretches of silence while Eric silently described the action - all we would hear was the follow-up spectral voice of Tony chiming in "you're right, Eric, this Bulls team is very active," which, after a while became creepy, because we couldn't hear Eric. Reid, every inch the professional, is sure to be fuming about the technical mix up: "We have one job to do, guys, and that is to bring the excitement of the Heat to South Florida - Goddammit, pick it up!"
5) White sneakers at home this year, instead of the usual black. The Heat look quicker. And Quentin Richardson needs the help.
6) Okay, someone else wrote in to ask what Halloween is like at Casa Dos. I am very, very glad you asked - that's a great question. First of all, completely having nothing to do with Halloween, I woke up on Saturday plagued by the sneaking suspicion that I just don't give a fuck. In a apathetic mood all day. O. and P. Minutos each had a friend coming over to trick-or-treat - which was my responsibility - while the moms hung out at Casa, passed out candy, and drank peach-mango wine coolers. The first mom who arrived noticed I was wearing a knit ski cap on an 85% degree day, leading to the following exchange:
"Why are you wearing that hat?"
"Because I just don't give a fuck."
"But you are still going to take the boys out trick-or-treating, right?"
"Sure, why not."
"Great!"
So I loaded up one of M.Minutos' giant aluminum traveling coffee cups with peach-mango wine cooler just to, you know, take the edge off a little, and took the kids out trick-or-treating. Only unpleasant incident occured when one of the boys' guests began kicking a door he felt was not opened quickly enough, elicting a lecture from the home's occupant, and a-full-quart-of-peach-mango-cooler shoulder shrug from me. Hey, he's not even my kid...Overall, I feel the night was a great success - Happy Halloween everybody!
1) Okay - first playoff team of the season Miami has played, and another win. As former Heat point guard Tim Hardaway used to say, this game was "nip and tuck." A reader pointed out that we didn't mention Tim had his uniform retired before the first game this season. Once again, I was shocked by the size of the actual uniform retired - it's a good 8 feet tall. I always assumed retired jerseys were normal-sized...
2) Battle tonight was between Chicago's superior length and athleticism, and Miami's more imposing physicality. Miami didn't have a true matchup for long Chicago small forward Luol Deng, who scored 26, but got double-doubles out of both Michael Beasley (10 and 11), and Udonis Haslem (19 and 11). UD continues to look unbelievably spry off Miami's bench.
3) Good night for two role players. Backup point guard Carlos Arroyo, from Puerto Rico and Florida International University, carried Miami for a significant second half stretch, finishing with 12 points in 16 minutes on 5 of 7 shooting. Also, Heat announcer Eric Reid pointed out that Carlos' jersey is now available at the Miami Heat team store. Starting small forward Quentin Richardson, who struggled to contain Deng, and had just one basket in Miami's first two games, knocked down the biggest shot of the game, a huge 3 off a Wade drive and kick with about a minute to go. During the ensuing timeout, Q danced around the court like he had won the Superbowl - act like you've made a shot before, Big Fella.
4) Someone wrote in to ask what the aforementioned Eric Reid, and his sidekick Tony Fiorentino have been up to in the first two games. Well, the usual: Eric's been analytical, efficient, and glad to be back in action. Did I mention he has only missed one Heat games in 22 plus years? Tony has been, as per usual, echoing my every comment, much to M.Minutos' distress. But tonight, an added element: a first quarter technical snafu led to Eric Reid's mic being shut off, and Tony's sounding like he was filing a satellite report from the field in Kabul. However, they didn't realize it, so there were long stretches of silence while Eric silently described the action - all we would hear was the follow-up spectral voice of Tony chiming in "you're right, Eric, this Bulls team is very active," which, after a while became creepy, because we couldn't hear Eric. Reid, every inch the professional, is sure to be fuming about the technical mix up: "We have one job to do, guys, and that is to bring the excitement of the Heat to South Florida - Goddammit, pick it up!"
5) White sneakers at home this year, instead of the usual black. The Heat look quicker. And Quentin Richardson needs the help.
6) Okay, someone else wrote in to ask what Halloween is like at Casa Dos. I am very, very glad you asked - that's a great question. First of all, completely having nothing to do with Halloween, I woke up on Saturday plagued by the sneaking suspicion that I just don't give a fuck. In a apathetic mood all day. O. and P. Minutos each had a friend coming over to trick-or-treat - which was my responsibility - while the moms hung out at Casa, passed out candy, and drank peach-mango wine coolers. The first mom who arrived noticed I was wearing a knit ski cap on an 85% degree day, leading to the following exchange:
"Why are you wearing that hat?"
"Because I just don't give a fuck."
"But you are still going to take the boys out trick-or-treating, right?"
"Sure, why not."
"Great!"
So I loaded up one of M.Minutos' giant aluminum traveling coffee cups with peach-mango wine cooler just to, you know, take the edge off a little, and took the kids out trick-or-treating. Only unpleasant incident occured when one of the boys' guests began kicking a door he felt was not opened quickly enough, elicting a lecture from the home's occupant, and a-full-quart-of-peach-mango-cooler shoulder shrug from me. Hey, he's not even my kid...Overall, I feel the night was a great success - Happy Halloween everybody!
Friday, October 30, 2009
Heat 96 Pacers 83
6 Thoughts
1) The last time Miami won in Indiana, we still had the Twin Towers standing - that's all over, W! Miami grinds out a win in Indiana to get to 2-0, in a positively delightful homecoming for Jermaine O'Neal, who spent the eight most productive years of his career here...
2)...and he was awesome! Second straight game of 22 and 12 for Jermaino. Good looking first step, rebounding in traffic and winning 50-50 balls. The Heat don't need 22 and 12 from J.O. to win games - but on the nights they get it, they are going to be tough to beat. Throughout the pre-season skeptics worried about Jermaino's rebounding: non-existent last year, and still missing in the practice games. After the game with sideline reporter Jason Jackson, Jermaino acknowledged he had heard the critics, but was merely pacing himself: "One thing all veterans know is that the regular season is when the popcorn starts popping." Exactly.
3) It was a little sad when Udonis Haslem was relegated to the bench to start the season, in favor of Mike Beasley's development. But thus far, the slight reduction in UD's minutes seem to have energized him. He battled - battled - his way to 10 points and 10 boards in 29 minutes tonight. After years of playing big minutes against larger players, UD is coming in on the second unit energized and spry. He and Mike are a handful at that spot - Mike had an effort-laden 12 and 9 in 29 minutes of his own. That's a lot of production from the front line.
4) So all of a sudden, Miami is a little deeper than they looked heading in to the season. If J.O. stays upright for a while, everyone else slides down one spot, which makes it easier on them. Everyone except for Dwyane Wade, who shot 19 free throws on the way to 32 points. He's looking relaxed and happy to have help. Things can't stay this easy - let's keep that popcorn popping as long as possible, though.
Bonus look into life at Casa Dos: Just heard an insane rattling outside. Got my hurricane-ready flashlight, went and checked it out. Mangled mouse in the outside a.c. unit. Right on.
5) Alright, when you hire a pair of bike-riding daredevils as halftime entertainment for your NBA game, make sure both guys can land all their jumps. Start of the second half was delayed a good ten minutes while the janitorial crew in Indianapolis' Conseco Field House scraped some Dave Mirra wannabee off the floor after he under-rotated a back flip and augered in hard to center court. Looked like a dislocated shoulder, or a broken collarbone, or both. Jason Jackson showed the replay in his halftime "highlights." Unseemly.
6) Finally, we will get accused of being gayer than we already are, but the soundtrack from the new Twilight movie is really, really good. I swear I don't know anything about the Twilight movies, although Robert Pattinson is so much hotter than Taylor Lautner, obviously. The new soundtrack has cool bands like Band of Skulls, Muse, and Thom Yorke signing dark, poppy songs, mostly about the troubled contradictions hiding in the darkest chambers of our hearts. The best song on the album is "Monsters," by Hurricane Bells, a coy, fuzz-boxed, come-on to a girl containing a certain-to-be-ignored warning about the dangers of stepping into the singer's world. The album is a little edgy in a fun way, and is perfect for those late night, slightly-buzzed drives home when you debate whether to turn on to your street, or to try to find something a little more exciting to keep the night going. Or, if you want to have sex with the undead.
Next game Sunday vs. Chicago, first game of the season against a playoff team...
-----------------------
1) The last time Miami won in Indiana, we still had the Twin Towers standing - that's all over, W! Miami grinds out a win in Indiana to get to 2-0, in a positively delightful homecoming for Jermaine O'Neal, who spent the eight most productive years of his career here...
2)...and he was awesome! Second straight game of 22 and 12 for Jermaino. Good looking first step, rebounding in traffic and winning 50-50 balls. The Heat don't need 22 and 12 from J.O. to win games - but on the nights they get it, they are going to be tough to beat. Throughout the pre-season skeptics worried about Jermaino's rebounding: non-existent last year, and still missing in the practice games. After the game with sideline reporter Jason Jackson, Jermaino acknowledged he had heard the critics, but was merely pacing himself: "One thing all veterans know is that the regular season is when the popcorn starts popping." Exactly.
3) It was a little sad when Udonis Haslem was relegated to the bench to start the season, in favor of Mike Beasley's development. But thus far, the slight reduction in UD's minutes seem to have energized him. He battled - battled - his way to 10 points and 10 boards in 29 minutes tonight. After years of playing big minutes against larger players, UD is coming in on the second unit energized and spry. He and Mike are a handful at that spot - Mike had an effort-laden 12 and 9 in 29 minutes of his own. That's a lot of production from the front line.
4) So all of a sudden, Miami is a little deeper than they looked heading in to the season. If J.O. stays upright for a while, everyone else slides down one spot, which makes it easier on them. Everyone except for Dwyane Wade, who shot 19 free throws on the way to 32 points. He's looking relaxed and happy to have help. Things can't stay this easy - let's keep that popcorn popping as long as possible, though.
Bonus look into life at Casa Dos: Just heard an insane rattling outside. Got my hurricane-ready flashlight, went and checked it out. Mangled mouse in the outside a.c. unit. Right on.
5) Alright, when you hire a pair of bike-riding daredevils as halftime entertainment for your NBA game, make sure both guys can land all their jumps. Start of the second half was delayed a good ten minutes while the janitorial crew in Indianapolis' Conseco Field House scraped some Dave Mirra wannabee off the floor after he under-rotated a back flip and augered in hard to center court. Looked like a dislocated shoulder, or a broken collarbone, or both. Jason Jackson showed the replay in his halftime "highlights." Unseemly.
6) Finally, we will get accused of being gayer than we already are, but the soundtrack from the new Twilight movie is really, really good. I swear I don't know anything about the Twilight movies, although Robert Pattinson is so much hotter than Taylor Lautner, obviously. The new soundtrack has cool bands like Band of Skulls, Muse, and Thom Yorke signing dark, poppy songs, mostly about the troubled contradictions hiding in the darkest chambers of our hearts. The best song on the album is "Monsters," by Hurricane Bells, a coy, fuzz-boxed, come-on to a girl containing a certain-to-be-ignored warning about the dangers of stepping into the singer's world. The album is a little edgy in a fun way, and is perfect for those late night, slightly-buzzed drives home when you debate whether to turn on to your street, or to try to find something a little more exciting to keep the night going. Or, if you want to have sex with the undead.
Next game Sunday vs. Chicago, first game of the season against a playoff team...
-----------------------
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Heat 115 Knicks 93
6 Thoughts
1) Okay, look, there are worse teams than the Knicks. There's Sacramento, there's Minnesota, there's...okay, there's Sacramento and Minnesota. So you need to pummel teams like this, especially at home. Miami did, with minimal effort - got up 30 five minutes into the third quarter, cruised in for an easy, easy win. You only get 3 or 4 of these a season. 1-0. 81 to go.
2) Big news of the day. All offseason, signs pointed to second year forward Mike "Supercool" Beasley being wedged in to the lineup out of position at small forward. However, turns out, no, Mike started at his natural power forward position, newly acquired Quentin Richardson (less 20 pounds from last year) started at the small forward, and long-time Miami warrior Udonis Haslem went to the bench. This lineup allows Mike to play his natural position, Quentin Richardson to start the game on the opponents best perimeter scorer so Dwyane Wade doesn't have to, while still allowing Udonis to play plenty of minutes as the first big off the bench. Worked great tonight: Supercool dropped a relaxed 21 on 9-14 shooting, and looked aggressive off the dribble; Udonis played 30 minutes off the bench and had 9 rebounds, and Q...well, he only played 17 minutes, knocked in a triple, was a minor irritant defensively. It's the correct lineup to try first. If it doesn't work, fine, but you had to try this first. Good job by Coach Spoelstra.
3) Jermaino! Granted, the Knicks offered no resistance whatsoever - they offered all the ferocity at the rim of the "don't tase me, dude" guy. Still, Jermaine was efficient with 22 points on 10-12 shooting, and 12 rebounds. Last season, 12 rebounds was a week and a half for him. Knees seem to be feeling better - no braces. Let's knock on wood.
4) DWade essentially had the night off, never even breaking a sweat easing his way to 26 points, 5 rebounds, and 5 assists. That's three 20 point games: Wade, Beasley and O'Neal.
5) Far as we can tell, the Knicks game plan seemed to be predicated on moving as little as possible. Defensively, any time a Heat player cut to another spot on the floor, the Knicks switched men, playing a de facto zone. Primarily this served to: 1) create all sorts of weird mismatches that Miami was able to exploit (Udonis Haslem left alone to post up Knick point guard Chris Duhon for an easy layup), and 2) open all sorts of lanes to the rim, since no Knicks ever moved three feet on a defensive possession. All this conserved energy really paid off on the offensive end where the Knicks usually played one below average point guard (either Duhon or Nate Robinson) and four semi-interested power forwards, eschewing the other three positions on the court, and tossed the ball around the perimeter waiting for someone to fling up a three. One of the semi-interested power forwards, second year Italian Danilo Gallinari took 14 shots - 13 triples - and made 7. Three things about this: 1) 7 of 13 threes is really good shooting; 2) I have never seen a guy shoot more threes in proportion to doing nothing else on the court. He didn't pass the ball, he didn't steal the ball, he didn't really rebound, he didn't try to set a screen, he didn't try to guard anyone. Really, he didn't even run. Impressive. 3) The rest of the Knicks made 3 out of 26 threes. So, you know, that's not too good.
6) Just a quick update on Jon Plus Eight, much heralded in this space, although it turned out a couple of our readers - shockingly - not that familiar with Pol Pot and the Khmer Rouge. Learned yesterday his last name is actually "Gosselin," not "Plus Eight." This might be racist, but I thought, since he was Asian, "Plus Eight" made sense. Like on tv how Chinese people might call someone "Eldest Brother," or "Esteemed Mother." You know, "Plus Eight." Even if his name is actually Gosselin, he's still super cool.
Next game: Friday at Indiana Pacers, normally a house of horrors for Miami. Let's hope the Knicks show up instead...
1) Okay, look, there are worse teams than the Knicks. There's Sacramento, there's Minnesota, there's...okay, there's Sacramento and Minnesota. So you need to pummel teams like this, especially at home. Miami did, with minimal effort - got up 30 five minutes into the third quarter, cruised in for an easy, easy win. You only get 3 or 4 of these a season. 1-0. 81 to go.
2) Big news of the day. All offseason, signs pointed to second year forward Mike "Supercool" Beasley being wedged in to the lineup out of position at small forward. However, turns out, no, Mike started at his natural power forward position, newly acquired Quentin Richardson (less 20 pounds from last year) started at the small forward, and long-time Miami warrior Udonis Haslem went to the bench. This lineup allows Mike to play his natural position, Quentin Richardson to start the game on the opponents best perimeter scorer so Dwyane Wade doesn't have to, while still allowing Udonis to play plenty of minutes as the first big off the bench. Worked great tonight: Supercool dropped a relaxed 21 on 9-14 shooting, and looked aggressive off the dribble; Udonis played 30 minutes off the bench and had 9 rebounds, and Q...well, he only played 17 minutes, knocked in a triple, was a minor irritant defensively. It's the correct lineup to try first. If it doesn't work, fine, but you had to try this first. Good job by Coach Spoelstra.
3) Jermaino! Granted, the Knicks offered no resistance whatsoever - they offered all the ferocity at the rim of the "don't tase me, dude" guy. Still, Jermaine was efficient with 22 points on 10-12 shooting, and 12 rebounds. Last season, 12 rebounds was a week and a half for him. Knees seem to be feeling better - no braces. Let's knock on wood.
4) DWade essentially had the night off, never even breaking a sweat easing his way to 26 points, 5 rebounds, and 5 assists. That's three 20 point games: Wade, Beasley and O'Neal.
5) Far as we can tell, the Knicks game plan seemed to be predicated on moving as little as possible. Defensively, any time a Heat player cut to another spot on the floor, the Knicks switched men, playing a de facto zone. Primarily this served to: 1) create all sorts of weird mismatches that Miami was able to exploit (Udonis Haslem left alone to post up Knick point guard Chris Duhon for an easy layup), and 2) open all sorts of lanes to the rim, since no Knicks ever moved three feet on a defensive possession. All this conserved energy really paid off on the offensive end where the Knicks usually played one below average point guard (either Duhon or Nate Robinson) and four semi-interested power forwards, eschewing the other three positions on the court, and tossed the ball around the perimeter waiting for someone to fling up a three. One of the semi-interested power forwards, second year Italian Danilo Gallinari took 14 shots - 13 triples - and made 7. Three things about this: 1) 7 of 13 threes is really good shooting; 2) I have never seen a guy shoot more threes in proportion to doing nothing else on the court. He didn't pass the ball, he didn't steal the ball, he didn't really rebound, he didn't try to set a screen, he didn't try to guard anyone. Really, he didn't even run. Impressive. 3) The rest of the Knicks made 3 out of 26 threes. So, you know, that's not too good.
6) Just a quick update on Jon Plus Eight, much heralded in this space, although it turned out a couple of our readers - shockingly - not that familiar with Pol Pot and the Khmer Rouge. Learned yesterday his last name is actually "Gosselin," not "Plus Eight." This might be racist, but I thought, since he was Asian, "Plus Eight" made sense. Like on tv how Chinese people might call someone "Eldest Brother," or "Esteemed Mother." You know, "Plus Eight." Even if his name is actually Gosselin, he's still super cool.
Next game: Friday at Indiana Pacers, normally a house of horrors for Miami. Let's hope the Knicks show up instead...
Sunday, October 25, 2009
2009-2010 Season Preview
Ole! We are back with our season preview for the 2009-2010 version of the Heat. If they strongly resemble the 2008--2009 version of the Heat, it is because they barely changed the roster at all. They got a little chunkier by adding rotund swingman, and former Brandy husband, Quentin Richardson, and a lot more sober by sending Mike Beasley to rehab, and trading Mark Blount to Minnesota. But...that's it - everyone else is pretty much the same. Miami is loading up on salary cap space for a big all or nothing summer in 2010. They have the cap room to re-sign Dwyane Wade, whose contract expires after the season, and two more big-time players to stick with him, Beasley, Chalmers and Cook, and try to become a contender. Of course, if the season goes poorly, Wade could decide to leave, and Miami would be left with...well, pretty much nothing. High stakes. Before we get to our season predictions, we asked a couple of other characters from this little show for their predictions. Here goes:
M.Minutos:
1) We will finally find out what happened to the guitar from Delonte West's guitar case.
2) When the Cavs don’t win the championship, Shaq will blame LeBron.
3) Dos will finally turn against Pat Riley.
Dos prediction about M.Minutos' season: A lot of third quarter dozing, followed by Dos waking her up to complain that Mike Beasley is settling for jumpers instead of going to the rim again when, as I have clearly stated before, nobody can handle him off the dribble.
The Plumber:
(all Nets related - in the highly unlikely event a few New Jersey Nets fans wander into this blog)
1) Lawrence Frank will be fired this year. This clearly falls within the
category of trying to wish something into reality, but I think the team is
not going to be very good (I'll get to that). I have to believe the
Brooklyn deal is going to go through (too many people would have put
themselves too far out, and if it wasn't going through, these people would
know it. Also, I wouldn't be surprised if David Stern controls the New York
Courts, and David Stern wants this deal to go through). If the Brooklyn
deal goes through, this guy didn't lay out ½ billion dollars to watch L.
Frank coach. My only concern is that the team is so bad, winning 20 games
will seem like a great coaching job.
2) The team will win 34 games. This actually seems like a lot, until you
remember how many terrible teams there are in the league. I put them at 34
and 48, in the lottery. If Dallas blows up, that gives them 2 lottery
picks.
3) The Nets hire (perhaps as a volunteer) a Russian assistant. They got
rid of a bunch of coaches, anyway, so there's room for one on the bench. It
will be a small role, but he'll be there.
Bonus Prediction) At the end of the season (or the day L. Frank gets fired, whichever comes first), Jarvis Hayes will have played more minutes than Devin Harris. This is a perfect combination of bad luck (Harris injury) and completely incompetent coaching by Frank (Hayes's minutes preventing other players
(CDR, TWilliams, Derek Lee) from developing and further making the season a
complete waste.
Dos Prediction about Plumber's Season: What? I dozed off...something about the Nets? Just kidding. I predict The Plumber will become disproportionately annoyed at a Dos Minutos post somewhere between four and seventy times during the season. The first time probably just happened. Somewhere between three and sixty-nine more to go. Let's get'er done...
Thor:
1) I will finally be recognized for the Shot of the Century by the retirement of my jersey number in every stadium and every team globally.
2) Shaq will become increasingly incomprehensible as he replaces every second word with one prefixed with Shaq and begins to sound more and more like a baritone Smurf. In a related prediction, he will also come out with a book titled, Chicken Shaq for the Soul.
3) Andrew Bogut will kill an Australian journalist who compares him to Luke Longley for the 19th million time, even though he’s a billion times quicker and has way better touch. In the parlance of Dos, I say this with love, Luke, who is a personal friend and a generally great human being.
Dos prediction for Thor's season: I'm just surprised he knows who Shaq is, since he doesn't play Aussie rules football, or swim...
The Captain:
1) NY Giants win Super Bowl XLIV.
2) NY Knickerbockers don’t win the NBA Championship.
3) Michael Beasley and Mario Chalmers get caught smoking hydroponically grown Opalocka Crippy with 2 transvestite hookers on South Beach.
Predictions 1 and 2 are speculative. Number 3 I’m sure of.
Dos Predictions on The Captain's season: May go into cardiogenic shock if the new health bill is passed with a strong public option.
Finally, a good, good friend of Dos Minutos, former University of Michigan Fab Fiver, and NBA star, Jalen Rose:
1) The team hasn't created an identity yet.
2) Having only two players signed beyond this year leaves you with 13 guys in the locker-room that understand this could be their last season with Miami. That insecurity hangs over the team.
3) The roster staying the same means they're not even in the second tier of Eastern Conference teams in my eyes.
Dos Predictions about Jalen's season: He kind of has a point, or three.
Alright, we'll do this Six Thoughts style, then finish up with our predictions for the whole league. Just to recap, last year we had Cleveland over the Lakers, so if you take out the part where Orlando beat Cleveland, and then that the Lakers won, we were right there.
Six Thoughts
1) To recap, Miami was 43-39 last year, was the fifth seed in the East, and lost in the first round in a seventh game to Atlanta. For a team almost no one projected to make the playoffs, it was a great season. Last year's goal was to at least be reasonably competitive - anything else and the chances Dwyane Wade would begin to think about leaving after this season increase. This year the goal is the same. Beasley, Chalmers, and Cook need to prove they are pieces of the puzzle, and Wade needs to be reasonably happy and commit to re-signing when the season ends. That will allow them to spend the cap room they have been hoarding for two season on two or more players, and hopefully give them one more run at championship level basketball while Dwyane Wade is still ambulatory. A disastrous season - team loses 50 games while Beasley wanders around the perimeter waiting for games to end so he can get his smoke on - and Wade leaves. That's the effective end of the franchise...at least until they sign Chris Paul out of basketball purgatory in New Orleans a year or two down the road. Let's not even think about that...
2) Bringing back the same team in the NBA almost never works. I never imagined myself saying this, but Jalen Rose is right. Players get sick of each other and the coaches, and other teams improve while you stand pat. Miami couldn't improve without eating in to their summer of 2010 cap space. Plus, any deal they could have swung would included Miami including Beasley and/or Chalmers as part of the package. Because those two guys are on rookie wage scale for a couple more years, they are disproportionately valuable because having them on the team preserves additional cap room for the summer. Miami is trying to sign Wade, and two other guys, and retain Beasley and Chalmers, and hope Toronto misses the playoffs, since Miami holds their draft pick. It is all or nothing, death or glory, George Clooney or Gerard Butler. It is high stakes - they have a plan, but it's high stakes.
3) I think spending a month in rehab over the summer was probably good for Mike Beasley and the Heat. Everyone assumed he was high anyways. On a serious note, though, we all need to deal with our issues in life - Mike has 60 million dollars riding on his next contract a couple of years from now. If someone got that through his head in the rehab center, when he's still only twenty, he is talented enough to be a tremendous NBA player. He seemed...not serious enough at times last year. He's got another chance - it will be intriguing to see what he does with it. It is easy to forget, he was 19 last year, averaged 14 points and 5.5 rebounds a game in just under 25 minutes, and shot 40% on 3's. He is also ambidextrous, and no power forward can stay in front of him off the dribble. He is super-talented.
4) Wade was incredibly healthy last year. He played 79 games, and sat out 2 on purpose at the end when the playoff spot was clinched. That is unlikely to happen again. Jermaine O'Neal is 31, but has the knees of a 51 year old. He played 68 games last year, which seems about right. They need Wade to play 75 games, and Jermaino to play 65 to make the playoffs. Wade misses more than 7 or 8 games - Jesus, I don't think they can win a game he doesn't play in, unless Beasley morphs into Oscar Robertson, or Dick Bavetta is refereeing and mistakenly thinks Miami is the Knicks. Which, at his age, is possible.
5) If the season starts turning sour, I imagine the Heat will try to go get someone to help Wade, rather than hoping he will re-sign after a dreadful season. Beasley has to play well for them to do this, because he would be the centerpiece of any package Miami can put together. Also essential: Toronto playing poorly, because Miami holds their first round draft pick this year from last year's Jermaino trade, which would also make an attractive trading chip. Most likely targets: Carlos Boozer and Amare Stoudamire.
6) Predicting health is silly, so I am going to assume Wade stays relatively healthy, and Jermaino plays around 65 or 70 games. I mean, if Cleveland loses LeBron for a long stretch, that's not going to a picnic up there, either. I think Miami's most likely scenario is: Wade plays great; Beasley scores a lot, 18 points a game, but still struggles with decision making on and off the court; Chalmers struggles mightily in his second year, and looks like a career backup; Jermaino anchors a solid defense, but struggles to finish plays inside, and settles for a lot of bad, contested turnaround jumpers; Coach Spoelstra starts going gray; Beasley, Haslem's expiring contract, and Toronto's draft pick are involved in approximately four thousand trade rumors - a week. In the end, the Heat struggle - say 35-47, miss the playoffs, and have to sweat out the Wade decision over the summer. We'll monitor that as the season goes on - it's a fluid situation - but for now let's set the odds on Wade's residence for the 2010-2011 season at: Miami - 80%; Chicago - 15%, Knicks - 5%.
Eastern Conference playoff teams, in order of finish:
Orlando
Cleveland
Boston
Atlanta
Chicago
Washington
Detroit
Philadelphia
Orlando over Chicago
Cleveland over Boston
Cleveland over Orlando
Cleveland over Lakers in the Finals - I am picking LeBon every year until he wins. Bonus pick - Delonte West leads the parade on his three wheel motorcycle...
MVP: LeBron, again
See you Wednesday night: No better way to start a season than against the New York Knickerbockers - Ole!
M.Minutos:
1) We will finally find out what happened to the guitar from Delonte West's guitar case.
2) When the Cavs don’t win the championship, Shaq will blame LeBron.
3) Dos will finally turn against Pat Riley.
Dos prediction about M.Minutos' season: A lot of third quarter dozing, followed by Dos waking her up to complain that Mike Beasley is settling for jumpers instead of going to the rim again when, as I have clearly stated before, nobody can handle him off the dribble.
The Plumber:
(all Nets related - in the highly unlikely event a few New Jersey Nets fans wander into this blog)
1) Lawrence Frank will be fired this year. This clearly falls within the
category of trying to wish something into reality, but I think the team is
not going to be very good (I'll get to that). I have to believe the
Brooklyn deal is going to go through (too many people would have put
themselves too far out, and if it wasn't going through, these people would
know it. Also, I wouldn't be surprised if David Stern controls the New York
Courts, and David Stern wants this deal to go through). If the Brooklyn
deal goes through, this guy didn't lay out ½ billion dollars to watch L.
Frank coach. My only concern is that the team is so bad, winning 20 games
will seem like a great coaching job.
2) The team will win 34 games. This actually seems like a lot, until you
remember how many terrible teams there are in the league. I put them at 34
and 48, in the lottery. If Dallas blows up, that gives them 2 lottery
picks.
3) The Nets hire (perhaps as a volunteer) a Russian assistant. They got
rid of a bunch of coaches, anyway, so there's room for one on the bench. It
will be a small role, but he'll be there.
Bonus Prediction) At the end of the season (or the day L. Frank gets fired, whichever comes first), Jarvis Hayes will have played more minutes than Devin Harris. This is a perfect combination of bad luck (Harris injury) and completely incompetent coaching by Frank (Hayes's minutes preventing other players
(CDR, TWilliams, Derek Lee) from developing and further making the season a
complete waste.
Dos Prediction about Plumber's Season: What? I dozed off...something about the Nets? Just kidding. I predict The Plumber will become disproportionately annoyed at a Dos Minutos post somewhere between four and seventy times during the season. The first time probably just happened. Somewhere between three and sixty-nine more to go. Let's get'er done...
Thor:
1) I will finally be recognized for the Shot of the Century by the retirement of my jersey number in every stadium and every team globally.
2) Shaq will become increasingly incomprehensible as he replaces every second word with one prefixed with Shaq and begins to sound more and more like a baritone Smurf. In a related prediction, he will also come out with a book titled, Chicken Shaq for the Soul.
3) Andrew Bogut will kill an Australian journalist who compares him to Luke Longley for the 19th million time, even though he’s a billion times quicker and has way better touch. In the parlance of Dos, I say this with love, Luke, who is a personal friend and a generally great human being.
Dos prediction for Thor's season: I'm just surprised he knows who Shaq is, since he doesn't play Aussie rules football, or swim...
The Captain:
1) NY Giants win Super Bowl XLIV.
2) NY Knickerbockers don’t win the NBA Championship.
3) Michael Beasley and Mario Chalmers get caught smoking hydroponically grown Opalocka Crippy with 2 transvestite hookers on South Beach.
Predictions 1 and 2 are speculative. Number 3 I’m sure of.
Dos Predictions on The Captain's season: May go into cardiogenic shock if the new health bill is passed with a strong public option.
Finally, a good, good friend of Dos Minutos, former University of Michigan Fab Fiver, and NBA star, Jalen Rose:
1) The team hasn't created an identity yet.
2) Having only two players signed beyond this year leaves you with 13 guys in the locker-room that understand this could be their last season with Miami. That insecurity hangs over the team.
3) The roster staying the same means they're not even in the second tier of Eastern Conference teams in my eyes.
Dos Predictions about Jalen's season: He kind of has a point, or three.
Alright, we'll do this Six Thoughts style, then finish up with our predictions for the whole league. Just to recap, last year we had Cleveland over the Lakers, so if you take out the part where Orlando beat Cleveland, and then that the Lakers won, we were right there.
Six Thoughts
1) To recap, Miami was 43-39 last year, was the fifth seed in the East, and lost in the first round in a seventh game to Atlanta. For a team almost no one projected to make the playoffs, it was a great season. Last year's goal was to at least be reasonably competitive - anything else and the chances Dwyane Wade would begin to think about leaving after this season increase. This year the goal is the same. Beasley, Chalmers, and Cook need to prove they are pieces of the puzzle, and Wade needs to be reasonably happy and commit to re-signing when the season ends. That will allow them to spend the cap room they have been hoarding for two season on two or more players, and hopefully give them one more run at championship level basketball while Dwyane Wade is still ambulatory. A disastrous season - team loses 50 games while Beasley wanders around the perimeter waiting for games to end so he can get his smoke on - and Wade leaves. That's the effective end of the franchise...at least until they sign Chris Paul out of basketball purgatory in New Orleans a year or two down the road. Let's not even think about that...
2) Bringing back the same team in the NBA almost never works. I never imagined myself saying this, but Jalen Rose is right. Players get sick of each other and the coaches, and other teams improve while you stand pat. Miami couldn't improve without eating in to their summer of 2010 cap space. Plus, any deal they could have swung would included Miami including Beasley and/or Chalmers as part of the package. Because those two guys are on rookie wage scale for a couple more years, they are disproportionately valuable because having them on the team preserves additional cap room for the summer. Miami is trying to sign Wade, and two other guys, and retain Beasley and Chalmers, and hope Toronto misses the playoffs, since Miami holds their draft pick. It is all or nothing, death or glory, George Clooney or Gerard Butler. It is high stakes - they have a plan, but it's high stakes.
3) I think spending a month in rehab over the summer was probably good for Mike Beasley and the Heat. Everyone assumed he was high anyways. On a serious note, though, we all need to deal with our issues in life - Mike has 60 million dollars riding on his next contract a couple of years from now. If someone got that through his head in the rehab center, when he's still only twenty, he is talented enough to be a tremendous NBA player. He seemed...not serious enough at times last year. He's got another chance - it will be intriguing to see what he does with it. It is easy to forget, he was 19 last year, averaged 14 points and 5.5 rebounds a game in just under 25 minutes, and shot 40% on 3's. He is also ambidextrous, and no power forward can stay in front of him off the dribble. He is super-talented.
4) Wade was incredibly healthy last year. He played 79 games, and sat out 2 on purpose at the end when the playoff spot was clinched. That is unlikely to happen again. Jermaine O'Neal is 31, but has the knees of a 51 year old. He played 68 games last year, which seems about right. They need Wade to play 75 games, and Jermaino to play 65 to make the playoffs. Wade misses more than 7 or 8 games - Jesus, I don't think they can win a game he doesn't play in, unless Beasley morphs into Oscar Robertson, or Dick Bavetta is refereeing and mistakenly thinks Miami is the Knicks. Which, at his age, is possible.
5) If the season starts turning sour, I imagine the Heat will try to go get someone to help Wade, rather than hoping he will re-sign after a dreadful season. Beasley has to play well for them to do this, because he would be the centerpiece of any package Miami can put together. Also essential: Toronto playing poorly, because Miami holds their first round draft pick this year from last year's Jermaino trade, which would also make an attractive trading chip. Most likely targets: Carlos Boozer and Amare Stoudamire.
6) Predicting health is silly, so I am going to assume Wade stays relatively healthy, and Jermaino plays around 65 or 70 games. I mean, if Cleveland loses LeBron for a long stretch, that's not going to a picnic up there, either. I think Miami's most likely scenario is: Wade plays great; Beasley scores a lot, 18 points a game, but still struggles with decision making on and off the court; Chalmers struggles mightily in his second year, and looks like a career backup; Jermaino anchors a solid defense, but struggles to finish plays inside, and settles for a lot of bad, contested turnaround jumpers; Coach Spoelstra starts going gray; Beasley, Haslem's expiring contract, and Toronto's draft pick are involved in approximately four thousand trade rumors - a week. In the end, the Heat struggle - say 35-47, miss the playoffs, and have to sweat out the Wade decision over the summer. We'll monitor that as the season goes on - it's a fluid situation - but for now let's set the odds on Wade's residence for the 2010-2011 season at: Miami - 80%; Chicago - 15%, Knicks - 5%.
Eastern Conference playoff teams, in order of finish:
Orlando
Cleveland
Boston
Atlanta
Chicago
Washington
Detroit
Philadelphia
Orlando over Chicago
Cleveland over Boston
Cleveland over Orlando
Cleveland over Lakers in the Finals - I am picking LeBon every year until he wins. Bonus pick - Delonte West leads the parade on his three wheel motorcycle...
MVP: LeBron, again
See you Wednesday night: No better way to start a season than against the New York Knickerbockers - Ole!
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Summer of 2009 - Review
Okay, we're back. So a lot of people asked me all summer long, and even more so recently with basketball getting ready to begin, "Hey, what ever happened to your gay, little blog?" Good question. What ever happened to your gay, little whatever-you-do? (...Quick warning - this might be the year we totally turn on our readers...)
In any case, it is a fair question. We wanted to do a regular summer podcast with Our Main Man Thor, but, as you are about to read, we got a little sidetracked. Here's the plan: today we are going to tell you what we here at Dos Minutos did all summer, then we are going to bounce back on Monday with our NBA season preview, including some of our readers' thoughts, then get right back in to our regular post-game format.
Technical note: we are also working on changing up our delivery system somewhat, because we have obtained too many subscribers, somehow. So some people are going to get emailed a link to the day's post; others are still going to receive an email with content; we are also probably going to go Twitter on you at some point. I am sure there will be a lot of technical difficulties along the way...Now, without no further ado, I present to you: "Dos Minutos Summer of 2009!"
So, there was this one night over the summer...look, we were hanging out with some new friends, Mike Beasley was there, he is a big fan of the blog, and we're drinking, and doing other stuff, and then he looks at me, and I look at him, and he's like, "Are you thinking what I am thinking?" And I'm like, "For sure!" In retrospect, I don't know...
So, Mike had to go to Houston to do a month in rehab - he's back now, better than ever, and ready for the '09-'010 season. While Mike was away, here is some of the stuff we were doing and thinking about at Dos Minutos National Headquarters:
Jon and Kate Plus Eight: We are all about Jon at Dos. Love him. Trashy, undereducated white women who talk too much are a dime a dozen. But mean Asian dudes? Rare find. We haven’t had an Asian villain this good since Pol Pot.
Obama Winning the Nobel Peace Prize: Initially we at Dos were of the opinion that no one knows anything about this award, has any idea of who has won it, and that there wasn’t a person alive qualified to form an actual informed opinion about whether or not this was a good selection…except, you know who does know something about the Nobel Peace Prize? That’s right – El Capitan , back and in mid-season form: “Of course I know about the Nobel Peace Prize. You should try reading a newspaper once in a while. It is given by a group of Finnish guys who live in Scandinavia and don’t do anything else at all except vote on this dumb award. The money for it was given by a guy named Nobel, I guess – now the prize money that the winners get is just interest on the principle from the initial gift. Past winners include Henry Kissinger, Mother Theresa, and Yassir Arafat, which only goes to show that Obama isn’t the absolute worst guy ever to win. Although, it is probably fair to assume that even Arafat did something…”
Swine Flu: No opinion.
Drinking John Dalys: That is, adding vodka to the traditional “Arnold Palmer” (one part ice tea, one part lemonade). Yes, this is good. By the way, though, drinking a couple, or eight, too many JDs can lead to some really, really dubious decision making, especially in the area of permanent body art.
The Wire: Now we are getting somewhere. Spent the first part of the summer watching every episode of the greatest tv show ever made. It is sixty hours of television - at Casa Dos we watched it in about three weeks! One of my proudest achievements! And the best tv show ever!
The Road: Put off reading this for a year or two, because I knew it was going to be tough. One of the most brutal, yet greatest, novels of the past fifty years, soon to be released as a crappy movie starring…Not even going to tell you who, actually. Read the book quick, before you see any previews and ruin the experience. For our less erudite readers (honestly, most of them): it is by Cormac McCarthy
Sarah Palin resigning as governor of Alaska : Wait – Sarah Palin was the governor of a state? Kate Plus Eight wasn’t available? Jesus…
Forgetting Sarah Marshall: After we finished watching The Wire, spent the second half of the summer watching this movie over and over. Mila Kunis – yes, we are in favor of her, she is currently "Miss Dos Minutos."
Gerard Butler: Douche. Starred in the gayest movie of all-time, The 300, now trying to recreate himself as a straight romantic comedy leading man. We aren’t buying it, and you seem like a huge douche, Gerard. And, yes, I am factoring in that I love Scotland …
Pitchfork.com: Alternative music website. Spent a lot of time on it, trying to figure out what bands it is cool to like. Spent the summer listening to: MGMT, Phoenix, The Virgins, Beirut, Deerhunter, and, from the oldest of schools, The Faces’ Greatest Hits.
TV Show Pitch: "CSI: Quarterback." We tentatively have Troy Aikman and Dan Marino attached to the project.
Book Pitch: "Red Like Me." I bronze myself reddish-brown, like an American Indian, and go underground to write an expose of the reservation gaming industry.
Double Names: We have really been following the Afghan election super-closely. Incumbent Hamid Karzai is in a run-off against challenger Abdullah Abdullah. I pointed out to El Capitan that for me, the double name is an automatic vote - I am pulling the lever for Abdullah Abdullah every time. But, we realized, it doesn't work in America. Like, a guy named John Johnson - I am going to think there is absolutely something wrong with that guy, just on general principle. I wonder how they feel in Afghanistan, and if this will help turn the election one way or the other.
Finally, a not-too-happy-true-life-incident from the summer:
So Thor, Rick, and I are sitting around Thor’s backyard one Sunday drinking John Dalys. It’s hot, the JDs are going down smooth…the only thing we are missing to make the day complete is Jamie, off getting engaged or something. So, like every Sunday, at some point Rick and I look at each other and we just know that, yes, it is time to go get milkshakes. So the three of us walk slowly around the corner from Thor’s house to the very excellent ice cream shop named, I don’t know, Jackson’s? There is a decent crowd at the takeout window, like always, so we wait a few minutes. Nothing out of the ordinary, except for Rick announcing that he is going to get chocolate. I mean, it is Florida , it’s August, it’s a hundred degrees – seems like vanilla is the call. But, like, whatever. So we get up to the front of the line, finally, and I order three milkshakes from the guy in the window – two vanilla, and one chocolate. Suddenly, a female voice from behind, with a thick Latina accent, hisses: “you’ve got to be kidding me.” So I turn around, and I’m like, “what?” And this young, hot Latina woman is just staring me down with the stink eye, and the only thing I can think of is the chocolate, so I’m like, “I know, it isn’t for me, I got a vanilla,” and she just spits out, with bilious venom, “we are all standing out here in the broiling heat and we have to wait while you three a-holes order milkshakes? They take like five times as long to make as a cone…” So I look over at Thor and Rick – Thor has pretty much retreated to the other end of the parking lot, and Rick now has his chocolate shake, and is sipping away contentedly. So I shrug my shoulders apologetically, and turn back to the window, where, fortunately, the guy has just finished our last shake. I pay him, and just beat it out of there without looking over at the young woman again, but I can feel her eyes burning a hole in my back. I’m sweating, and a little uneasy. We walk back to Thor’s, enjoying our milkshakes, but all, I think, a little rattled by the experience…Fucking Sotomayor…
See you on Monday with our season preview.
In any case, it is a fair question. We wanted to do a regular summer podcast with Our Main Man Thor, but, as you are about to read, we got a little sidetracked. Here's the plan: today we are going to tell you what we here at Dos Minutos did all summer, then we are going to bounce back on Monday with our NBA season preview, including some of our readers' thoughts, then get right back in to our regular post-game format.
Technical note: we are also working on changing up our delivery system somewhat, because we have obtained too many subscribers, somehow. So some people are going to get emailed a link to the day's post; others are still going to receive an email with content; we are also probably going to go Twitter on you at some point. I am sure there will be a lot of technical difficulties along the way...Now, without no further ado, I present to you: "Dos Minutos Summer of 2009!"
So, there was this one night over the summer...look, we were hanging out with some new friends, Mike Beasley was there, he is a big fan of the blog, and we're drinking, and doing other stuff, and then he looks at me, and I look at him, and he's like, "Are you thinking what I am thinking?" And I'm like, "For sure!" In retrospect, I don't know...
So, Mike had to go to Houston to do a month in rehab - he's back now, better than ever, and ready for the '09-'010 season. While Mike was away, here is some of the stuff we were doing and thinking about at Dos Minutos National Headquarters:
Jon and Kate Plus Eight: We are all about Jon at Dos. Love him. Trashy, undereducated white women who talk too much are a dime a dozen. But mean Asian dudes? Rare find. We haven’t had an Asian villain this good since Pol Pot.
Obama Winning the Nobel Peace Prize: Initially we at Dos were of the opinion that no one knows anything about this award, has any idea of who has won it, and that there wasn’t a person alive qualified to form an actual informed opinion about whether or not this was a good selection…except, you know who does know something about the Nobel Peace Prize? That’s right – El Capitan , back and in mid-season form: “Of course I know about the Nobel Peace Prize. You should try reading a newspaper once in a while. It is given by a group of Finnish guys who live in Scandinavia and don’t do anything else at all except vote on this dumb award. The money for it was given by a guy named Nobel, I guess – now the prize money that the winners get is just interest on the principle from the initial gift. Past winners include Henry Kissinger, Mother Theresa, and Yassir Arafat, which only goes to show that Obama isn’t the absolute worst guy ever to win. Although, it is probably fair to assume that even Arafat did something…”
Swine Flu: No opinion.
Drinking John Dalys: That is, adding vodka to the traditional “Arnold Palmer” (one part ice tea, one part lemonade). Yes, this is good. By the way, though, drinking a couple, or eight, too many JDs can lead to some really, really dubious decision making, especially in the area of permanent body art.
The Wire: Now we are getting somewhere. Spent the first part of the summer watching every episode of the greatest tv show ever made. It is sixty hours of television - at Casa Dos we watched it in about three weeks! One of my proudest achievements! And the best tv show ever!
The Road: Put off reading this for a year or two, because I knew it was going to be tough. One of the most brutal, yet greatest, novels of the past fifty years, soon to be released as a crappy movie starring…Not even going to tell you who, actually. Read the book quick, before you see any previews and ruin the experience. For our less erudite readers (honestly, most of them): it is by Cormac McCarthy
Sarah Palin resigning as governor of Alaska : Wait – Sarah Palin was the governor of a state? Kate Plus Eight wasn’t available? Jesus…
Forgetting Sarah Marshall: After we finished watching The Wire, spent the second half of the summer watching this movie over and over. Mila Kunis – yes, we are in favor of her, she is currently "Miss Dos Minutos."
Gerard Butler: Douche. Starred in the gayest movie of all-time, The 300, now trying to recreate himself as a straight romantic comedy leading man. We aren’t buying it, and you seem like a huge douche, Gerard. And, yes, I am factoring in that I love Scotland …
Pitchfork.com: Alternative music website. Spent a lot of time on it, trying to figure out what bands it is cool to like. Spent the summer listening to: MGMT, Phoenix, The Virgins, Beirut, Deerhunter, and, from the oldest of schools, The Faces’ Greatest Hits.
TV Show Pitch: "CSI: Quarterback." We tentatively have Troy Aikman and Dan Marino attached to the project.
Book Pitch: "Red Like Me." I bronze myself reddish-brown, like an American Indian, and go underground to write an expose of the reservation gaming industry.
Double Names: We have really been following the Afghan election super-closely. Incumbent Hamid Karzai is in a run-off against challenger Abdullah Abdullah. I pointed out to El Capitan that for me, the double name is an automatic vote - I am pulling the lever for Abdullah Abdullah every time. But, we realized, it doesn't work in America. Like, a guy named John Johnson - I am going to think there is absolutely something wrong with that guy, just on general principle. I wonder how they feel in Afghanistan, and if this will help turn the election one way or the other.
Finally, a not-too-happy-true-life-incident from the summer:
So Thor, Rick, and I are sitting around Thor’s backyard one Sunday drinking John Dalys. It’s hot, the JDs are going down smooth…the only thing we are missing to make the day complete is Jamie, off getting engaged or something. So, like every Sunday, at some point Rick and I look at each other and we just know that, yes, it is time to go get milkshakes. So the three of us walk slowly around the corner from Thor’s house to the very excellent ice cream shop named, I don’t know, Jackson’s? There is a decent crowd at the takeout window, like always, so we wait a few minutes. Nothing out of the ordinary, except for Rick announcing that he is going to get chocolate. I mean, it is Florida , it’s August, it’s a hundred degrees – seems like vanilla is the call. But, like, whatever. So we get up to the front of the line, finally, and I order three milkshakes from the guy in the window – two vanilla, and one chocolate. Suddenly, a female voice from behind, with a thick Latina accent, hisses: “you’ve got to be kidding me.” So I turn around, and I’m like, “what?” And this young, hot Latina woman is just staring me down with the stink eye, and the only thing I can think of is the chocolate, so I’m like, “I know, it isn’t for me, I got a vanilla,” and she just spits out, with bilious venom, “we are all standing out here in the broiling heat and we have to wait while you three a-holes order milkshakes? They take like five times as long to make as a cone…” So I look over at Thor and Rick – Thor has pretty much retreated to the other end of the parking lot, and Rick now has his chocolate shake, and is sipping away contentedly. So I shrug my shoulders apologetically, and turn back to the window, where, fortunately, the guy has just finished our last shake. I pay him, and just beat it out of there without looking over at the young woman again, but I can feel her eyes burning a hole in my back. I’m sweating, and a little uneasy. We walk back to Thor’s, enjoying our milkshakes, but all, I think, a little rattled by the experience…Fucking Sotomayor…
See you on Monday with our season preview.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)