6 Thoughts
1) First of all, I just watched an NBA team score 86 points in double overtime against a team without its three best players. The Nets really earned their 12-70 record this year. Second of all, the Heat won the game when Yakhouba Diawara banked in a three - his first of the year, which isn't hard to believe because he has only played 40 minutes and scored one other basket all season. Thirdly, Jesus, I don't know - but that was something. I don't think it was good, but it sure was something. Also, if Wade, Udonis, and Jermaino didn't have to play tonight, I don't know why I have to write this blog.
2) Well, it's Boston in Round 1. I feel more comfortable against Atlanta myself, but the Heat, although they sat their best players, didn't blatantly tank the game, which would have earned them the Hawks. C'est la vie - both teams won more games than the Heat did, so get your mind right, and take your best shot. Game 1 will be either Saturday or Sunday in Boston.
3) Jax interviewed Jermaine O'Neal before the game - he is still on "vacation," but says he will be ready for this weekend's playoff game. Jax told the audience that Jermaino would be on the bench tonight, wearing a nice suit and looking good as he always does, but did NOT mention epaulets. I am not saying I would call out JO on the epaulets - I mean did you see the punch he laid on the fan in the Indiana brawl? - but I like to think Jax is better than me.
4) Eric and Tony were geeked up tonight, rooting for Carlos Arroyo to claim the assist-to-turnover ratio "crown" tonight, which he would have done with a turnover free game. A first quarter transition bounce pass to a loping Michael Beasley was kicked out of bounds by Beas, and Eric and Tony noted with discernible consternation that Carlos was hit with the turnover instead of Mike - which meant that Carlos needed six assists to nudge into the ratio lead. By the way, yes, this is a somewhat meaningless accomplishment - I mean, the accomplishment is not turning the ball over all year and getting a lot of assists. There is no trophy for having the best ratio, or anything. I mean, at least not one that Eric and Tony don't have made for him. Anyways, the second quarter starts up a few minutes later and Eric reports that in between quarters, the turnover was re-assessed to Beasley. Odds that Eric accosted the official scorer? Either 99.9% or 100%. Moments later, Arroyo travelled in the open court - turnover. The basketball gods, man, the basketball gods. Anyways, nothing is better than Eric keeping track of records - he hasn't been this geeked since Anthony Carter hit a three pointer on the last possession of a game like a decade ago to extend the Heat's consecutive games with a three streak alive at about 10,000 games.
5) Best thing about the Nets? Pretty tall.
6) Okay, last regular season # 6. We're not going to get all weepy; we're not going to reminisce; we're not going to say how it was a great season, or blah, blah; we're not going to thank people, especially not our readers; and especially not our readers who write in to say we are idiots; and especially not the one reader who blamed his relationship troubles on the blog, and called us idiots, and then stopped reading the blog! We're not even going to make a "Kumar leaves his White House job joke" - okay, a quick one, with no set up and no punctuation: He was upset about the passing of the health care bill and standing up for what he believes in as a champion of democratic principles the rules of Congress and capitalism No he needed to make another movie about smoking pot By the way thats the same reason Sarah Palin quit as Governor of Alaska except instead of making a movie about smoking pot she is traveling around the country getting paid for sucking on poor white trash tea baggers' asses...What we are going to do is list the five best tv sitcom sidekicks ever, from 5 to 1.
5 - Kramer
4 - One of the gay dudes from Will and Grace (for political correctness)
3 - George Costanza
2 - Norm from Cheers
1 - Schneider
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See you this weekend in Boston. Could be the last four to seven games Dwyane Wade and/or Udonis Haslem ever play for the Heat. That's sad. Let's hope they go out with an upset series victory - I think if the Heat win the series, Udonis should shave his head. Going to see what I can do about that. Until then: four wins away from Bald Udonis.
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Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Monday, April 12, 2010
Heat 107 Sixers 105
6 Thoughts
1) "Okay, guys - we're tied, there are 20 seconds to go, and Miami has the ball. Remember what we talked about before the game - late in games on big possessions they like to run this simple play where Dwyane Wade drives hard right, draws defenders, and then kicks it across to the left baseline for an open 14 footer by a spotting up Udonis Haslem. They've played like 500 games together and run that play like 9,000 times. So whatever you do, don't get sucked off Udonis Haslem, you must stay at home on Udonis Haslem. Ready? Okay, Sixers on three: one, two, three, Sixers!" ..........."Uh-oh."
2) If this is the last regular season game Udonis Haslem ever plays for the Heat - and there is a good chance it will be - it has been a beautiful career. He won a title in his hometown; he carried himself with dignity and grace; he played every possession - every possession - as hard as he could; and over the years he knocked down big shot after big shot. Including tonight. A fitting way to go out. Dwyane Wade is the best Heat player ever - by a mile, but Udonis is the guy. He's the guy.
3) Okay, so Udonis banged the jumper - in Philly, second night of a road back-to-back - to win the game, and Miami has clinched no worse than the sixth spot in the playoffs with one game left. They will play either Boston or Atlanta in the first round - it seems we won't know until Wednesday, the last day of the season. I think we all prefer Atlanta - but just be glad that we won tonight, and it can't be Orlando. This team can't win more than one round, and even a win in the first round would be a pretty big upset. All you can do is get your mind right, get on DWade (and Udonis') back, and see where it takes you.
4) Last week these two teams matched up and one of the highlights was maybe the worst combined power forward matchup this blog had ever seen. Tonight was the rematch of Elton Brand vs. Mike Beasley: these two put the "ill" in "Philadelphia." A recap: Elton Brand - first of all, he is in the top five of overweight players in the NBA. Before last year, he signed like a 20 year 800 million dollar contract - so thanks for caring and getting in shape. Secondly, he is the most blatant "carry-er" in the league - he looks to back down by taking a dribble, cupping the ball in his hand and holding it upright in his palm while trying to ass-bash his backwards one step, dribble again, repeat, lower a shoulder, try to make a fallaway jumper. Literally - literally - you could call a travel on him every time he dribbles the ball. I think they don't because he can't make the shot anyways. He did make 7-12 jump shots tonight, but that was mostly because his rival Beasley kept wandering down under the basket in transition, and Brand made a few open 8 footers. Elton is 6'8", maybe 290 pounds, and he managed 4 rebounds in 32 minutes - and one was his own missed two footer that he caught. Also had a shot blocked by the land-locked Quentin Richardson. Late in the game, on a key possession, he went to the "traveling ass-man" move, and launched a horrific turnaround that missed so badly it caused Tony Fiorentino to exclaim, "Oh, man, what kind of shot was that?" So that was his night. Mike Beasley, for his part, okay - he did keep losing Brand and allowing open 8 footers. But at least he did come out aggressively, three times in the first quarter driving by Brand for 2 dunks and a foul. Mike Beasley isn't exactly...let's just say there are quicker players out there than Mike - M.Minutos noticed on one drive that Brand tried to move his feet, but his body was so heavy that it looked like he needed to rock himself back and forth a couple of times to get some momentum. When Mike's blowing by you these days, it might be time to start keeping an eye on the carb intake. Or, it would be if you cared...Mike had 15 points and 6 rebounds in 31 minutes, but he also twice - once with under three minutes to go - provided no resistance whatsoever on Jason Kapono - Jason Kapono! - drive-and-finishes at the rim. Look, if anyone has the time and skill to just splice together every possession of Beasley and Brand playing against each other this season, I promise you I would pay $100 bucks for it. It is just what James Naismith had in mind when he invented the game of basketball, except the exact opposite.
5) Wednesday night is Fan Appreciation Night in Miami, for the last game of the season against the New Jersey Nets. The Heat will show appreciation for their fans by not even considering playing Dwyane Wade, Udonis Haslem, or Jermaine O'Neal in a meaningless game against a team that is 12-69 for the season. Ummm - thanks?
6) Okay, everyone can stop emailing me: yes, I did confuse the Backstreet Boys with New Kids on the Block - Jesus, you all who sent me emails about this are nerds! Sorry for liking cool bands, and not teeny-bopper pop. Which brings me to tonight's list: my three favorite groups ever (from # 3 up to # 1):
3 - Led Zeppelin
2 - Sugar Ray
1 - Merle Haggard
Wait - what? Oh, Merle Haggard is not a band, it's an actual guy? Oh, I thought it was like Jethro Tull or Pink Floyd...Umm, okay, I'll go with Hall & Oates at # 1. Loved Darryl Hall - they call that Blue Eyed Soul, you know. Not too sure why. And Oates was rock solid on the, on the whatever he played - I'm assuming it was guitar or bass. By the way, The Captain turned out to be a big fan of Merle Haggard's when I brought him up this afternoon at Dos M. Int'l HQs: "I think he did time."
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Side note: set an all-time Dos Minutos record tonight by watching my 80th game of the season, breaking last year's record of 79. Not all of the games were, ummm, good. But like The Situation says, "Five 2s equals a 10!"
Back with you Wednesday night for the last game of the season. If for some reason you feel like you need to go to the game to see Kenny Hasbrouck and Yakhouba Diawara take on Terrance Williams and Yi, God bless you, you're a better fan than I am. But even if he is just wearing street clothes, show Udonis some love. He has "The Right Stuff!" - Quick: NKOTB or Backstreet?!!!
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1) "Okay, guys - we're tied, there are 20 seconds to go, and Miami has the ball. Remember what we talked about before the game - late in games on big possessions they like to run this simple play where Dwyane Wade drives hard right, draws defenders, and then kicks it across to the left baseline for an open 14 footer by a spotting up Udonis Haslem. They've played like 500 games together and run that play like 9,000 times. So whatever you do, don't get sucked off Udonis Haslem, you must stay at home on Udonis Haslem. Ready? Okay, Sixers on three: one, two, three, Sixers!" ..........."Uh-oh."
2) If this is the last regular season game Udonis Haslem ever plays for the Heat - and there is a good chance it will be - it has been a beautiful career. He won a title in his hometown; he carried himself with dignity and grace; he played every possession - every possession - as hard as he could; and over the years he knocked down big shot after big shot. Including tonight. A fitting way to go out. Dwyane Wade is the best Heat player ever - by a mile, but Udonis is the guy. He's the guy.
3) Okay, so Udonis banged the jumper - in Philly, second night of a road back-to-back - to win the game, and Miami has clinched no worse than the sixth spot in the playoffs with one game left. They will play either Boston or Atlanta in the first round - it seems we won't know until Wednesday, the last day of the season. I think we all prefer Atlanta - but just be glad that we won tonight, and it can't be Orlando. This team can't win more than one round, and even a win in the first round would be a pretty big upset. All you can do is get your mind right, get on DWade (and Udonis') back, and see where it takes you.
4) Last week these two teams matched up and one of the highlights was maybe the worst combined power forward matchup this blog had ever seen. Tonight was the rematch of Elton Brand vs. Mike Beasley: these two put the "ill" in "Philadelphia." A recap: Elton Brand - first of all, he is in the top five of overweight players in the NBA. Before last year, he signed like a 20 year 800 million dollar contract - so thanks for caring and getting in shape. Secondly, he is the most blatant "carry-er" in the league - he looks to back down by taking a dribble, cupping the ball in his hand and holding it upright in his palm while trying to ass-bash his backwards one step, dribble again, repeat, lower a shoulder, try to make a fallaway jumper. Literally - literally - you could call a travel on him every time he dribbles the ball. I think they don't because he can't make the shot anyways. He did make 7-12 jump shots tonight, but that was mostly because his rival Beasley kept wandering down under the basket in transition, and Brand made a few open 8 footers. Elton is 6'8", maybe 290 pounds, and he managed 4 rebounds in 32 minutes - and one was his own missed two footer that he caught. Also had a shot blocked by the land-locked Quentin Richardson. Late in the game, on a key possession, he went to the "traveling ass-man" move, and launched a horrific turnaround that missed so badly it caused Tony Fiorentino to exclaim, "Oh, man, what kind of shot was that?" So that was his night. Mike Beasley, for his part, okay - he did keep losing Brand and allowing open 8 footers. But at least he did come out aggressively, three times in the first quarter driving by Brand for 2 dunks and a foul. Mike Beasley isn't exactly...let's just say there are quicker players out there than Mike - M.Minutos noticed on one drive that Brand tried to move his feet, but his body was so heavy that it looked like he needed to rock himself back and forth a couple of times to get some momentum. When Mike's blowing by you these days, it might be time to start keeping an eye on the carb intake. Or, it would be if you cared...Mike had 15 points and 6 rebounds in 31 minutes, but he also twice - once with under three minutes to go - provided no resistance whatsoever on Jason Kapono - Jason Kapono! - drive-and-finishes at the rim. Look, if anyone has the time and skill to just splice together every possession of Beasley and Brand playing against each other this season, I promise you I would pay $100 bucks for it. It is just what James Naismith had in mind when he invented the game of basketball, except the exact opposite.
5) Wednesday night is Fan Appreciation Night in Miami, for the last game of the season against the New Jersey Nets. The Heat will show appreciation for their fans by not even considering playing Dwyane Wade, Udonis Haslem, or Jermaine O'Neal in a meaningless game against a team that is 12-69 for the season. Ummm - thanks?
6) Okay, everyone can stop emailing me: yes, I did confuse the Backstreet Boys with New Kids on the Block - Jesus, you all who sent me emails about this are nerds! Sorry for liking cool bands, and not teeny-bopper pop. Which brings me to tonight's list: my three favorite groups ever (from # 3 up to # 1):
3 - Led Zeppelin
2 - Sugar Ray
1 - Merle Haggard
Wait - what? Oh, Merle Haggard is not a band, it's an actual guy? Oh, I thought it was like Jethro Tull or Pink Floyd...Umm, okay, I'll go with Hall & Oates at # 1. Loved Darryl Hall - they call that Blue Eyed Soul, you know. Not too sure why. And Oates was rock solid on the, on the whatever he played - I'm assuming it was guitar or bass. By the way, The Captain turned out to be a big fan of Merle Haggard's when I brought him up this afternoon at Dos M. Int'l HQs: "I think he did time."
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Side note: set an all-time Dos Minutos record tonight by watching my 80th game of the season, breaking last year's record of 79. Not all of the games were, ummm, good. But like The Situation says, "Five 2s equals a 10!"
Back with you Wednesday night for the last game of the season. If for some reason you feel like you need to go to the game to see Kenny Hasbrouck and Yakhouba Diawara take on Terrance Williams and Yi, God bless you, you're a better fan than I am. But even if he is just wearing street clothes, show Udonis some love. He has "The Right Stuff!" - Quick: NKOTB or Backstreet?!!!
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Sunday, April 11, 2010
Heat 111 Knicks 98
6 Thoughts
1) A bit of a night off for Miami against the Knicks. Let's just say the Knicks don't play with maximum effort or efficiency, and leave it at that. It was a game that had to be got, and it got got. Miami plays tomorrow night in Philadelphia, and Wednesday against New Jersey. Win either of those games and Miami sews up the sixth spot in the East. Right now they would play Atlanta, but it could be Boston. If Miami somehow loses both games this week, and Charlotte win both of its games, Miami falls to 7th, and a first round date with Orlando - that's a disaster. Let's just win tomorrow in Philly, and not worry about it...
2) On the last play of the first half, with Miami up 8, Dwayne Wade charged down court with the ball, elevated in traffic, and tried to flip in a left-handed bank shot before crashing to the floor, where he lay writhing, holding his wrist. His right wrist has bothered him all year, and his jump shooting has probably suffered for it. Looked like trouble when he stayed down, and the trainers eventually walked him gingerly to locker room. However, just before the beginning of the second half, as sideline reporter extraordinaire Jason Jackson began to report on Wade's status, Wade suddenly popped his face in front of the camera, smiled, and reported, "I'm okay!" It would have been funnier if we all weren't just relieved to hear he was good. Wade had a solid night with 32 points, 5 rebounds, and 5 assists. New York, along with Chicago, are considered to be the two challengers to Miami for Wade's services this offseason. At this point, I think the Heat are about 9 in 10 to retain him - it's just a guess. They need to get him help, though, in order to convince him to re-sign. One thing is for sure: Wade would go nuts in Knicks' coach D'Antoni's "push the ball up and jack it quick" system, and he would turn second year sharpshooter Danilo Gallnari into a 20 point a game scorer. Something to be worried about...
3) Seems like a good time to mention that Dorell Wright is finishing games now in place of Quentin Richardson, and finishing them well. It's no knock on The Pres, who had a good night: 4-7 triples and 14 points. He continues to give Miami an early long-ball threat. But DWright is younger, more athletic, longer, and better off the dribble than QRich. Longer! And, he has shot the three extremely well over the past month - he's at 39.5% for the year. He's also a dear, dear friend. And, most importantly, he has perfected the late game, I'm-going-to-spot-up-on-the-right-wing-or-corner-when-Dwyane-Wade-has-the-ball-up-top-and-when-Wade-takes-one-or-two-dribbles-down-the-seam-when-my-defender-cheats-to-help-Wade-will-kick-it-to-me-and-I-will-make-the-backbreaking-three. Or, as it is more commonly known in Miami, "The James Posey."
4) So, of course, every time Miami is in the playoffs, there is a color-theme for the home games. Some years it is a "White Out." Some years, "Red Hot." This year it is "Back in Black," which means black people only at the games, please. Or, if you are white, at least wear black face.
5) One reader wrote in last week to ask if Dos really has a Miami Heat tattoo on his back, like Mike Beasley. First of all, that tattoo in the picture isn't a Heat tattoo, it is a "SuperCool Dos" tattoo. Second of all, no, that isn't real. I did have pierced nipples for a while, but took them out because I didn't want to traumatize young O. and P.Minutos when they had to go to swimming lessons, a lesson learned early on when O.Minutos' infant swimming instructor asked me if I was "some kind of pirate?" I think she kind of had a pirate fetish. The same reader also asked what we thought the best moment of the season was. That is a dumb question; obviously it was the game on the national network TNT when a crazed Heat fan stood directly behind Doug Collins and did a serial killer-esque mock clap at Collins for the entire duration of one on-camera Collins report. Second best? When another reader became involved in a difficult personal situation, somehow blamed the blog, and then essentially vowed never to read us again. By the way, it wasn't Michael Beasley. That was bizarre, but excellent in its own way. Third best? In about two weeks, when the season is over.
6) Big debate in Casa Dos tonight during the American Airlines Arena commercial advertising upcoming concerts. Two of the acts coming up in the AAA - which, for you non-Miami people, is where the Heat plays - the Backstreet Boys and Maxwell. First of all, Jax or Eric Reid - I can't remember which - read the copy for the Backstreet Boys which claimed that they had been entertaining America for over two decades. Except, really, as M.Minutos pointed out: 1) not that entertaining, and 2) really haven't been a group for most of the 2000s. Not that she would know that, or anything. Also worth pointing out - as Plumber, I am sure, will happily attest to - in college I dated a girl who also, at one time, dated a Backstreet Boy (Joe McIntyre, for those scoring at home). That didn't go well - as Plumber would even more happily attest to, I am sure. Then, just to cap it off, I dated her roommate, and that, predictably, went even worse, to Plumber's eternal delight..Anyways, the debate: who could sell more tickets now, the Backstreet Boys or Maxwell? To me, it's the Boys. I figure they can draw 8,000 36 year old moms who put on clothes that are now too tight for them, get together with their other girl friends for dinner at Bubba Gump Shrimp in Bayside before the show, then have one Appletini too many and trip on the way up the four thousand steps leading up to the Triple A's entrances, breaking a heel and tearing a stocking in the process. M.Minutos claimed I was underestimating how large Maxwell was in the late 1990s "because you're white." It's a strong point. Let's be honest: combined it seems unlikely the two of the them can fill The Trip. If I had to pick one show to go to, I'm picking the Backstreet Boys because 1) I have a history with them, even if it is bad; 2) "Step by Step" is a crazy great song: "Step One - we can have lots of fun!!!"; and 3) nothing personal against Maxwell, but like a lot of these black fella soul singers he needs to pick up the pace by a few dozen bpms.
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Tomorrow night in Philly, trying to wrap up the sixth spot. If you get into any unpleasant personal situations, remember, it probably didn't have anything to do with this blog. But, if you feel compelled to use as a scapegoat, go right ahead - we're here for you.
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1) A bit of a night off for Miami against the Knicks. Let's just say the Knicks don't play with maximum effort or efficiency, and leave it at that. It was a game that had to be got, and it got got. Miami plays tomorrow night in Philadelphia, and Wednesday against New Jersey. Win either of those games and Miami sews up the sixth spot in the East. Right now they would play Atlanta, but it could be Boston. If Miami somehow loses both games this week, and Charlotte win both of its games, Miami falls to 7th, and a first round date with Orlando - that's a disaster. Let's just win tomorrow in Philly, and not worry about it...
2) On the last play of the first half, with Miami up 8, Dwayne Wade charged down court with the ball, elevated in traffic, and tried to flip in a left-handed bank shot before crashing to the floor, where he lay writhing, holding his wrist. His right wrist has bothered him all year, and his jump shooting has probably suffered for it. Looked like trouble when he stayed down, and the trainers eventually walked him gingerly to locker room. However, just before the beginning of the second half, as sideline reporter extraordinaire Jason Jackson began to report on Wade's status, Wade suddenly popped his face in front of the camera, smiled, and reported, "I'm okay!" It would have been funnier if we all weren't just relieved to hear he was good. Wade had a solid night with 32 points, 5 rebounds, and 5 assists. New York, along with Chicago, are considered to be the two challengers to Miami for Wade's services this offseason. At this point, I think the Heat are about 9 in 10 to retain him - it's just a guess. They need to get him help, though, in order to convince him to re-sign. One thing is for sure: Wade would go nuts in Knicks' coach D'Antoni's "push the ball up and jack it quick" system, and he would turn second year sharpshooter Danilo Gallnari into a 20 point a game scorer. Something to be worried about...
3) Seems like a good time to mention that Dorell Wright is finishing games now in place of Quentin Richardson, and finishing them well. It's no knock on The Pres, who had a good night: 4-7 triples and 14 points. He continues to give Miami an early long-ball threat. But DWright is younger, more athletic, longer, and better off the dribble than QRich. Longer! And, he has shot the three extremely well over the past month - he's at 39.5% for the year. He's also a dear, dear friend. And, most importantly, he has perfected the late game, I'm-going-to-spot-up-on-the-right-wing-or-corner-when-Dwyane-Wade-has-the-ball-up-top-and-when-Wade-takes-one-or-two-dribbles-down-the-seam-when-my-defender-cheats-to-help-Wade-will-kick-it-to-me-and-I-will-make-the-backbreaking-three. Or, as it is more commonly known in Miami, "The James Posey."
4) So, of course, every time Miami is in the playoffs, there is a color-theme for the home games. Some years it is a "White Out." Some years, "Red Hot." This year it is "Back in Black," which means black people only at the games, please. Or, if you are white, at least wear black face.
5) One reader wrote in last week to ask if Dos really has a Miami Heat tattoo on his back, like Mike Beasley. First of all, that tattoo in the picture isn't a Heat tattoo, it is a "SuperCool Dos" tattoo. Second of all, no, that isn't real. I did have pierced nipples for a while, but took them out because I didn't want to traumatize young O. and P.Minutos when they had to go to swimming lessons, a lesson learned early on when O.Minutos' infant swimming instructor asked me if I was "some kind of pirate?" I think she kind of had a pirate fetish. The same reader also asked what we thought the best moment of the season was. That is a dumb question; obviously it was the game on the national network TNT when a crazed Heat fan stood directly behind Doug Collins and did a serial killer-esque mock clap at Collins for the entire duration of one on-camera Collins report. Second best? When another reader became involved in a difficult personal situation, somehow blamed the blog, and then essentially vowed never to read us again. By the way, it wasn't Michael Beasley. That was bizarre, but excellent in its own way. Third best? In about two weeks, when the season is over.
6) Big debate in Casa Dos tonight during the American Airlines Arena commercial advertising upcoming concerts. Two of the acts coming up in the AAA - which, for you non-Miami people, is where the Heat plays - the Backstreet Boys and Maxwell. First of all, Jax or Eric Reid - I can't remember which - read the copy for the Backstreet Boys which claimed that they had been entertaining America for over two decades. Except, really, as M.Minutos pointed out: 1) not that entertaining, and 2) really haven't been a group for most of the 2000s. Not that she would know that, or anything. Also worth pointing out - as Plumber, I am sure, will happily attest to - in college I dated a girl who also, at one time, dated a Backstreet Boy (Joe McIntyre, for those scoring at home). That didn't go well - as Plumber would even more happily attest to, I am sure. Then, just to cap it off, I dated her roommate, and that, predictably, went even worse, to Plumber's eternal delight..Anyways, the debate: who could sell more tickets now, the Backstreet Boys or Maxwell? To me, it's the Boys. I figure they can draw 8,000 36 year old moms who put on clothes that are now too tight for them, get together with their other girl friends for dinner at Bubba Gump Shrimp in Bayside before the show, then have one Appletini too many and trip on the way up the four thousand steps leading up to the Triple A's entrances, breaking a heel and tearing a stocking in the process. M.Minutos claimed I was underestimating how large Maxwell was in the late 1990s "because you're white." It's a strong point. Let's be honest: combined it seems unlikely the two of the them can fill The Trip. If I had to pick one show to go to, I'm picking the Backstreet Boys because 1) I have a history with them, even if it is bad; 2) "Step by Step" is a crazy great song: "Step One - we can have lots of fun!!!"; and 3) nothing personal against Maxwell, but like a lot of these black fella soul singers he needs to pick up the pace by a few dozen bpms.
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Tomorrow night in Philly, trying to wrap up the sixth spot. If you get into any unpleasant personal situations, remember, it probably didn't have anything to do with this blog. But, if you feel compelled to use as a scapegoat, go right ahead - we're here for you.
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Friday, April 9, 2010
Pistons 106 Heat 99
6 Thoughts
1) Blaaaaahhhhhh. Le. Thar. Gic. Nine game winning streak: over. Dwyane Wade: waiting for the playoffs. Jermaine O'Neal: returning from injury, out of rhythm. Mike Beasley: umm, still terrible!
2) Okay, playoff reset: the Heat are two games ahead of Charlotte for the 6th spot with 3 games to play. If they end up tied, Charlotte wins the tiebreaker. The only thing that matters is staying out of 7th, and avoiding Orlando in the first round. Miami plays New York Sunday, and Philly Monday. Win those two games, and you've got sixth - Charlotte can't catch them.
3) During a third quarter stint with Eric Reid and Tony Fiorentino, Heat President Pat Riley said Mike Beasley has sometimes "been judged too harshly." Okay, okay - when I threatened to electrocute myself with M.Minutos' flat iron in the tub, that was a little harsh. After all, he did play Pistons rookie second round draft pick Jonas Jerebko to a virtual draw tonight. Although, when Mike was somehow reinserted in to the game with three minutes to go, facing a four point deficit, I momentarily thought Coach Spo was crazy for giving up so soon until I realized he actually was still trying to win the game in some bizarre manner. And with 45 seconds to go, down 6, when Mike caught the ball on the wing, wheeled baseline off the dribble, and then stepped out of bounds while he fell down without any contact whatsoever, I was looking to make sure the tub was still filled with water...Jesus. How can we keep starting him? Do we have to be down 7 at the end of every first quarter?
4) The Heat caught 39 from Ben Gordon tonight - 7 out of 11 threes. They also caught 28 points and 7 assists from Tayshaun Prince. I'm not saying that I believe in jinxes, but in the first quarter someone in Casa Dos may have said "when your primary offensive option is Tayshaun Prince, that doesn't bode well for your basketball team." I don't want to say who said it - I am not even confirming that it actually was said. I am just saying there is a possibility...
5) On a second quarter drive Dwyane Wade warded off Ben Wallace's block attempt with his free arm, made the layup, and the foul went against Wallace. The replay showed that a foul on Wade probably would have been the correct call. "That foul should have been on Wade, Eric," said Tony, "especially because one of the points of emphasis this season for referees is the ward-off offensive foul." Every year we hear about some so-called point of emphasis for the referees, but somehow it seems that every year it still comes down to the same crappy group of refs making the same terrible calls in the same unconscious manner. Do I seem grouchy tonight? I am just tired - it doesn't even matter that Miami lost. I mean, sure, Mike did make me want to electrocute myself, but overall, as long as we get 2 out of the next 3, we are fine - I wasn't upset by the loss or anything...
6) Movie pitch: A remake of "The Flamingo Kid," the old summertime classic starring Matt Dillon, called "The Flamenco Kid." You get a hot young Hispanic actor who can put teenagers in the theater, shift the setting from New York to Miami, have the kid lusting after Rosario Dawson, and instead of a card game, have him taking on Edward James Olmos in a dramatic dance off in a cheesy Kendall night club. Flaw in the pitch: there are no hot young Hispanic actors who can put teenagers in the theater. Maybe Twilight's Taylor Lautner - what is he? He doesn't look that white. I mean, he doesn't look that white if I even knew who Twilight's Taylor Lautner was, or what he looked like...
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Game Sunday night in New York. Nuuuu Yooooork! By the way, someone emailed us today to ask if we will be watching "Treme," which starts Sunday night on HBO. Word up, of course. And you should, too. It is David Simon's new project, and his last show, "The Wire," was only the greatest television show ever, by a mile. The second greatest television show ever? "Major Dad." Third best? "St. Elsewhere."
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1) Blaaaaahhhhhh. Le. Thar. Gic. Nine game winning streak: over. Dwyane Wade: waiting for the playoffs. Jermaine O'Neal: returning from injury, out of rhythm. Mike Beasley: umm, still terrible!
2) Okay, playoff reset: the Heat are two games ahead of Charlotte for the 6th spot with 3 games to play. If they end up tied, Charlotte wins the tiebreaker. The only thing that matters is staying out of 7th, and avoiding Orlando in the first round. Miami plays New York Sunday, and Philly Monday. Win those two games, and you've got sixth - Charlotte can't catch them.
3) During a third quarter stint with Eric Reid and Tony Fiorentino, Heat President Pat Riley said Mike Beasley has sometimes "been judged too harshly." Okay, okay - when I threatened to electrocute myself with M.Minutos' flat iron in the tub, that was a little harsh. After all, he did play Pistons rookie second round draft pick Jonas Jerebko to a virtual draw tonight. Although, when Mike was somehow reinserted in to the game with three minutes to go, facing a four point deficit, I momentarily thought Coach Spo was crazy for giving up so soon until I realized he actually was still trying to win the game in some bizarre manner. And with 45 seconds to go, down 6, when Mike caught the ball on the wing, wheeled baseline off the dribble, and then stepped out of bounds while he fell down without any contact whatsoever, I was looking to make sure the tub was still filled with water...Jesus. How can we keep starting him? Do we have to be down 7 at the end of every first quarter?
4) The Heat caught 39 from Ben Gordon tonight - 7 out of 11 threes. They also caught 28 points and 7 assists from Tayshaun Prince. I'm not saying that I believe in jinxes, but in the first quarter someone in Casa Dos may have said "when your primary offensive option is Tayshaun Prince, that doesn't bode well for your basketball team." I don't want to say who said it - I am not even confirming that it actually was said. I am just saying there is a possibility...
5) On a second quarter drive Dwyane Wade warded off Ben Wallace's block attempt with his free arm, made the layup, and the foul went against Wallace. The replay showed that a foul on Wade probably would have been the correct call. "That foul should have been on Wade, Eric," said Tony, "especially because one of the points of emphasis this season for referees is the ward-off offensive foul." Every year we hear about some so-called point of emphasis for the referees, but somehow it seems that every year it still comes down to the same crappy group of refs making the same terrible calls in the same unconscious manner. Do I seem grouchy tonight? I am just tired - it doesn't even matter that Miami lost. I mean, sure, Mike did make me want to electrocute myself, but overall, as long as we get 2 out of the next 3, we are fine - I wasn't upset by the loss or anything...
6) Movie pitch: A remake of "The Flamingo Kid," the old summertime classic starring Matt Dillon, called "The Flamenco Kid." You get a hot young Hispanic actor who can put teenagers in the theater, shift the setting from New York to Miami, have the kid lusting after Rosario Dawson, and instead of a card game, have him taking on Edward James Olmos in a dramatic dance off in a cheesy Kendall night club. Flaw in the pitch: there are no hot young Hispanic actors who can put teenagers in the theater. Maybe Twilight's Taylor Lautner - what is he? He doesn't look that white. I mean, he doesn't look that white if I even knew who Twilight's Taylor Lautner was, or what he looked like...
-----
Game Sunday night in New York. Nuuuu Yooooork! By the way, someone emailed us today to ask if we will be watching "Treme," which starts Sunday night on HBO. Word up, of course. And you should, too. It is David Simon's new project, and his last show, "The Wire," was only the greatest television show ever, by a mile. The second greatest television show ever? "Major Dad." Third best? "St. Elsewhere."
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Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Heat 99 Sixers 95
6 Thoughts
1) Nine in a row for Miami, and 44 for the year, one more than last year with 4 to go. They played hard for about 8 minutes out of 48 tonight, but the Sixers are dreadful, so that's all it took. Stayed two games ahead of Charlotte to stay out of 7th place, the only thing Miami still has left to play for in the regular season. Let's go.
2) Tonight's starting matchup at power forward: The Corpse Purporting To Be Elton Brand vs. The Draft Pick Who Did Not Turn Out To Be Mike Beasley. Oh. My. God. Elton: 35 minutes, 2-9 shooting, 6 points, 3 rebounds, the worst drive-and-kick turnover of the season, and removed for Jason Smith - Jason Smith - for defensive purposes late in the game. Who is Jason Smith, you ask? Exactly...However, against all odds, the Sixers won the battle of starting power forwards. Mike Beasley: 16 minutes, 2-9, 4 points, 2 rebounds, a minus 20 while he was on the court, 2 incredibly bad turnovers, several blown defensive assignments, and 1 black eye giving a touch foul on a Samuel Dalembert dunk. Starting him right now is a joke. Playing him is a bit of a joke. He's in the tank. When he is in, Miami plays poorly - it's worse than 4 on 5, because he keeps shooting ridiculously bad shots. M.Minutos put it best: "Even when he shoots well, you never feel like he can help win a game." No - no, you don't. That is all.
3) Dorell Wright won the game. Dwyane Wade sleep-walked his way to a 22 point 8-18 "effort," and Jermaino O'Neal was all out of sync in his first game back from a tweaked knee. Every time they got down, Dorell banged a three. Ummm, maybe a bad choice of words - keep those trousers up when sending your photo on the internet, kid! 19 points on 4-6 threes for Dorell, 3 of them in the fourth. Dorell Wright won the game!
4) We like to complain when a big call goes against us here, so it is only fair to give one back. With less than a minute to go, and the Heat up 2, Sixers guard Jrue Holliday drove the lane, drew attention, and flipped an alley-oop up over his shoulder to Samuel Dalembert for a dunk to tie the game. Except - no, no, no, here came an official running in from the side to wave off the basket and call a foul on Holliday for running over Udonis Haslem, well after the pass, and when Haslem was clearly late, late, late with the help. Awful call. Not even a basketball play defensively, it was more like a classic Duke slide-and-flop. Brutal. Moments later, in transition, Louis Williams' layup attempt was dunked in by Dalembert as it was coming off the rim - basket again waved off, this time for goaltending. This one was goaltending, but it was tough for the Sixers to have to eat that call immediately after the bogus charge. Also, didn't hear Eric Reid and Tony Fiorentino, who love to complain about Heat offensive goaltending calls when the ball is "mostly" off the rim, complain about the Dalembert whistle. We got a couple tonight - thanks, David Stern!
5) The Heat continues to put the hard sell on for season tickets during the broadcast. Seems more desperate than other years. Maybe it is the economy, maybe it is just me. Also seems like it would be incredibly difficult to get people to buy season tickets before the potentially tumultuous offseason plays itself out. Everyone is shilling hard during broadcasts: Jax, Eric Reid, Tony, Pat Riley, team owner Mickey Arison...Tonight's special guests on the job? Former Heat point guard Tim Hardaway, and the Heat cheerleaders, answering the phone lines (like a telethon), and giving out special team-autographed posters (I'd just cut out Quentin Richardson, frame him, and hang it). Tim is beautiful, he never changes, always smiling and laughing (when not making, and then apologizing for, homophobic slurs), and most of all, always answering your question by saying, "yeah," and then repeating your question. "Tim, it looked like a dogfight out there," "Yeah, it was a dogfight out there." Tim, you know how you and the Heat cheerleaders could convince me to buy season tickets? Trade Mike Beasley. "Yeah, we'll trade Mike Beasley."
6) "Hey, Tim...it's me, Tiger. I need to you to do me a favor...It's huge." "Yeah, I can do you a favor. Do you want to buy some, umm, some season tickets? We're trading Mike Beasley." "Umm, sort of...hey, could you put one of the Heat cheerleaders on the phone? That white one that was standing next to you before, the one with the kind of trashy blond dye job? That one?" "Yeah, I can put the one with the trashy blond dye job on the phone."
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Friday night. Not sure who we are playing. Maybe Detroit? I lost interest about 6 games ago when it was obvious we were going to make the playoffs, and just lose in the first round. The season is essentially over - we know the outcome - now we are just waiting to see what happens in free agency this summer. But we promise Friday will be really, really exciting! In fact, get your season tickets now!!!
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1) Nine in a row for Miami, and 44 for the year, one more than last year with 4 to go. They played hard for about 8 minutes out of 48 tonight, but the Sixers are dreadful, so that's all it took. Stayed two games ahead of Charlotte to stay out of 7th place, the only thing Miami still has left to play for in the regular season. Let's go.
2) Tonight's starting matchup at power forward: The Corpse Purporting To Be Elton Brand vs. The Draft Pick Who Did Not Turn Out To Be Mike Beasley. Oh. My. God. Elton: 35 minutes, 2-9 shooting, 6 points, 3 rebounds, the worst drive-and-kick turnover of the season, and removed for Jason Smith - Jason Smith - for defensive purposes late in the game. Who is Jason Smith, you ask? Exactly...However, against all odds, the Sixers won the battle of starting power forwards. Mike Beasley: 16 minutes, 2-9, 4 points, 2 rebounds, a minus 20 while he was on the court, 2 incredibly bad turnovers, several blown defensive assignments, and 1 black eye giving a touch foul on a Samuel Dalembert dunk. Starting him right now is a joke. Playing him is a bit of a joke. He's in the tank. When he is in, Miami plays poorly - it's worse than 4 on 5, because he keeps shooting ridiculously bad shots. M.Minutos put it best: "Even when he shoots well, you never feel like he can help win a game." No - no, you don't. That is all.
3) Dorell Wright won the game. Dwyane Wade sleep-walked his way to a 22 point 8-18 "effort," and Jermaino O'Neal was all out of sync in his first game back from a tweaked knee. Every time they got down, Dorell banged a three. Ummm, maybe a bad choice of words - keep those trousers up when sending your photo on the internet, kid! 19 points on 4-6 threes for Dorell, 3 of them in the fourth. Dorell Wright won the game!
4) We like to complain when a big call goes against us here, so it is only fair to give one back. With less than a minute to go, and the Heat up 2, Sixers guard Jrue Holliday drove the lane, drew attention, and flipped an alley-oop up over his shoulder to Samuel Dalembert for a dunk to tie the game. Except - no, no, no, here came an official running in from the side to wave off the basket and call a foul on Holliday for running over Udonis Haslem, well after the pass, and when Haslem was clearly late, late, late with the help. Awful call. Not even a basketball play defensively, it was more like a classic Duke slide-and-flop. Brutal. Moments later, in transition, Louis Williams' layup attempt was dunked in by Dalembert as it was coming off the rim - basket again waved off, this time for goaltending. This one was goaltending, but it was tough for the Sixers to have to eat that call immediately after the bogus charge. Also, didn't hear Eric Reid and Tony Fiorentino, who love to complain about Heat offensive goaltending calls when the ball is "mostly" off the rim, complain about the Dalembert whistle. We got a couple tonight - thanks, David Stern!
5) The Heat continues to put the hard sell on for season tickets during the broadcast. Seems more desperate than other years. Maybe it is the economy, maybe it is just me. Also seems like it would be incredibly difficult to get people to buy season tickets before the potentially tumultuous offseason plays itself out. Everyone is shilling hard during broadcasts: Jax, Eric Reid, Tony, Pat Riley, team owner Mickey Arison...Tonight's special guests on the job? Former Heat point guard Tim Hardaway, and the Heat cheerleaders, answering the phone lines (like a telethon), and giving out special team-autographed posters (I'd just cut out Quentin Richardson, frame him, and hang it). Tim is beautiful, he never changes, always smiling and laughing (when not making, and then apologizing for, homophobic slurs), and most of all, always answering your question by saying, "yeah," and then repeating your question. "Tim, it looked like a dogfight out there," "Yeah, it was a dogfight out there." Tim, you know how you and the Heat cheerleaders could convince me to buy season tickets? Trade Mike Beasley. "Yeah, we'll trade Mike Beasley."
6) "Hey, Tim...it's me, Tiger. I need to you to do me a favor...It's huge." "Yeah, I can do you a favor. Do you want to buy some, umm, some season tickets? We're trading Mike Beasley." "Umm, sort of...hey, could you put one of the Heat cheerleaders on the phone? That white one that was standing next to you before, the one with the kind of trashy blond dye job? That one?" "Yeah, I can put the one with the trashy blond dye job on the phone."
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Friday night. Not sure who we are playing. Maybe Detroit? I lost interest about 6 games ago when it was obvious we were going to make the playoffs, and just lose in the first round. The season is essentially over - we know the outcome - now we are just waiting to see what happens in free agency this summer. But we promise Friday will be really, really exciting! In fact, get your season tickets now!!!
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Saturday, April 3, 2010
Heat 97 Timberwolves 84
6 Thoughts
1) Easy win in Minnesota for Miami, over the league's second worst team. That's eight wins in a row for Miami, and 43 on the year, equaling last year's total with 5 to go. Chicago beat Charlotte tonight, so Miami now leads Charlotte by 2.5 games for the sixth spot. Good night. Dull game, so we are rolling through in a hurry.
2) Dwyane Wade: 43 last night, 39 tonight. That's 82 in two nights, by my count. Had 8 more rebounds, and 6 more assists tonight. With Jermaine O'Neal continuing to sit with strained knee-like symptoms, Dwyane Wade is the primary scoring option, the secondary scoring option, the thirdly scoring option, the forthtuple scoring option...
3) ...because they still can't get it from Mike Beasley. Scored three straight hoops right at the beginning tonight, then instantly committed two fouls so he had to come out. Came back in the second quarter only to immediately commit a fourth foul. Also, decided to stop attacking the basket and settle for missing jumpers, mostly shot standing on or near - but not behind - the three point line, which is the most ill-conceived shot in basketball. Then someone apparently told him to move behind the line, because he did that, and missed a couple of jumpers from there. Overall the number didn't look horrible: 6-13 for 12 points in the 20 minutes he could stay out there, but believe me, it didn't play that well on the court.
4) A third quarter close up of the bench showed Beasley, Chalmers, and Daequan Cook bunched together, wearing their NBA "Green Week" t-shirts, and enjoying a nice conversation while Wade, Udonis, and QRich were winning the game. "Hey - you finish that new Jonathan Lethem novel yet?" "Nah, I found it a little pedantic, so I put it aside. Plus, I got caught up in The Pacific miniseries on HBO." "Cool. Can I get the Lethem novel as soon as I finish this Truman biography I'm reading?" "No doubt."
5) Best moment of the game. Two parter. First, former #2 overall draft pick (three spots ahead of Dwyane Wade) and major, major, major bust Darko Milic came out and scored five easy baskets in the first half. After each one he would run down the court rubbing his jaw. "What's wrong with his face?" asked O.Minutos. Nothing that a second half in the locker room holding an ice bag to his face couldn't fix, apparently. I wouldn't exactly call that Darko a gamer. So he was replaced by Ryan Hollins who started the third quarter by committing multiple fouls in the rim area, getting an offensive three seconds call to wipe out a basket, setting an illegal screen for a turnover, having a dunk try caught by Joel Anthony, and missing five straight free throws. Nine minutes into the quarter, with the Heat now up 20, he finally caught a ball in the basket area and viciously flushed it while QRich fouled him, giving him at least a small moment of redemption. Ryan Hollins was doin' it all that quarter...
6) O. and P. Minutos were on spring break this past week. Took Monday off to hang out with them. It was pouring rain and cold in Florida. It's been freezing all winter and early spring, actually - I guess Obama has stabilized the economy, passed a health care bill, and solved global warming! So instead of going to the beach like we planned, we went to see How to Save Your Dragon, or Train Your Dragon, or something like that. It is about Viking dudes living in the olden times and fighting against dragons. Except that these Vikings had Scottish accents. And the main Scottish Viking? Yup, you guessed it: Gerard Butler! Like a wooden stake through my heart! I told you I never should have had kids...
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Five games left, boy, then the playoffs! Off until Wednesday! See you then - try to avoid Scottish Vikings!
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1) Easy win in Minnesota for Miami, over the league's second worst team. That's eight wins in a row for Miami, and 43 on the year, equaling last year's total with 5 to go. Chicago beat Charlotte tonight, so Miami now leads Charlotte by 2.5 games for the sixth spot. Good night. Dull game, so we are rolling through in a hurry.
2) Dwyane Wade: 43 last night, 39 tonight. That's 82 in two nights, by my count. Had 8 more rebounds, and 6 more assists tonight. With Jermaine O'Neal continuing to sit with strained knee-like symptoms, Dwyane Wade is the primary scoring option, the secondary scoring option, the thirdly scoring option, the forthtuple scoring option...
3) ...because they still can't get it from Mike Beasley. Scored three straight hoops right at the beginning tonight, then instantly committed two fouls so he had to come out. Came back in the second quarter only to immediately commit a fourth foul. Also, decided to stop attacking the basket and settle for missing jumpers, mostly shot standing on or near - but not behind - the three point line, which is the most ill-conceived shot in basketball. Then someone apparently told him to move behind the line, because he did that, and missed a couple of jumpers from there. Overall the number didn't look horrible: 6-13 for 12 points in the 20 minutes he could stay out there, but believe me, it didn't play that well on the court.
4) A third quarter close up of the bench showed Beasley, Chalmers, and Daequan Cook bunched together, wearing their NBA "Green Week" t-shirts, and enjoying a nice conversation while Wade, Udonis, and QRich were winning the game. "Hey - you finish that new Jonathan Lethem novel yet?" "Nah, I found it a little pedantic, so I put it aside. Plus, I got caught up in The Pacific miniseries on HBO." "Cool. Can I get the Lethem novel as soon as I finish this Truman biography I'm reading?" "No doubt."
5) Best moment of the game. Two parter. First, former #2 overall draft pick (three spots ahead of Dwyane Wade) and major, major, major bust Darko Milic came out and scored five easy baskets in the first half. After each one he would run down the court rubbing his jaw. "What's wrong with his face?" asked O.Minutos. Nothing that a second half in the locker room holding an ice bag to his face couldn't fix, apparently. I wouldn't exactly call that Darko a gamer. So he was replaced by Ryan Hollins who started the third quarter by committing multiple fouls in the rim area, getting an offensive three seconds call to wipe out a basket, setting an illegal screen for a turnover, having a dunk try caught by Joel Anthony, and missing five straight free throws. Nine minutes into the quarter, with the Heat now up 20, he finally caught a ball in the basket area and viciously flushed it while QRich fouled him, giving him at least a small moment of redemption. Ryan Hollins was doin' it all that quarter...
6) O. and P. Minutos were on spring break this past week. Took Monday off to hang out with them. It was pouring rain and cold in Florida. It's been freezing all winter and early spring, actually - I guess Obama has stabilized the economy, passed a health care bill, and solved global warming! So instead of going to the beach like we planned, we went to see How to Save Your Dragon, or Train Your Dragon, or something like that. It is about Viking dudes living in the olden times and fighting against dragons. Except that these Vikings had Scottish accents. And the main Scottish Viking? Yup, you guessed it: Gerard Butler! Like a wooden stake through my heart! I told you I never should have had kids...
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Five games left, boy, then the playoffs! Off until Wednesday! See you then - try to avoid Scottish Vikings!
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Friday, April 2, 2010
Heat 105 Pacers 96 ot
6 Thoughts
1) Seven wins in a row for Miami. 42 wins with 6 games to go, and a 1.5 game lead over 7th place Charlotte, which is the real battle right now. Fifth or sixth place doesn't matter - only staying out of seventh, and avoiding Orlando in the first round of the playoffs, matters. Let's do this, 2 through 6 style:
2) Dwyane Wade was mostly spectacular with 43 points on only 22 shots, 9 rebounds, 6 assists, 3 steals, and 3 blocks. 18 third quarter points to bring Miami back from a 10 point deficit. Had one brief stretch late in regulation where he dribbled the shot clock down too low about 4 possessions in a row, and allowed Indiana to come back and tie the game. But he made back-to-back threes with 90 seconds to go in overtime to effectively end the game. The jumper has often been missing for Dwyane this year, but tonight it was there. Also was named Eastern Conference player of the month for March today. We could be entering the last days of the Dwyane Wade era in Miami. Enjoy it, just in case...
3) Mike Beasley was brutal. They are winning games in spite of him right now. Shot 6-17 from the floor and missed both his free throws. Gave up a 20-10 night to Indiana's Troy Murphy. In the first half. Every night now, Heat announcers Eric Reid and Tony Fiorentino shill for the Heat organization, pleading for people to buy season tickets now, so that "we" don't miss out on the opportunity to see "all" the great players Miami is going to sign with their salary cap space this summer. Thanks - you know what, though? You sign the guys first, and then I'll figure out a way to get tickets, I promise you. As Meth said on The Wire - this mess is a little unseemly. Tonight Eric said it was important to get our tickets now so that we get the opportunity to see all these great players we will have next year. And, also, Mike Beasley, too..Damn, Mike, try to play with some force...
4) Best moment of the game: When Heat backup center, and natural butterfingers, Joel Anthony, starting again for the Jermaine O'Neal (out with hyperextended knee-like symptoms), caught a ball on the right block, faked his his little natural left handed jump hook, then stepped back through right for the up-and-under and finished with his right hand. Now I have seen everything. Love that Joel Anthony, just keeps working!
5) Second best moment of the game: When usually by-the-book, law-and-order color commentator Tony Fiorentino advocated a bit of civil disobedience when he admonished a front row fan who caught an errant pass for not immediately shooting the ball at the basket. "Tough to shoot the ball when you are sitting with your legs crossed," cracked Eric Reid, trying to lighten the moment. An unamused Tony: "He'll never have that chance again."
6) Two things in the six hole tonight. First, a reader question: can't remember the dude's name, but he wrote in a couple of weeks ago after our "Troubled White Man Beard" montage to ask which white guy has the best beard of all-time. Sir, I am sorry I don't remember your name and didn't save your email, because it was the best question this blog has ever been asked. I am going to give you two answers. I think the best white guy beard of all-time is probably, obviously, Jesus. But, my favorite white guy beard is a tie between two guys who influenced my positive feelings towards beards as a young white kid growing up in The CT: Pete Townshend and Paul McCartney. Townshend, in the late 70s, had that whole full-beard, open-shirt, Let-My-Love-Open-The-Door thing going, which was irresistible to little white Dos in 1979, and he was the guy I always wanted to grow up to be. You know, this look:
And, anyone who knows me, knows that I am not a big fan of The Beatles, mostly because they are lame as piss. But that's how powerful the white man's beard is: When it can even make Paul McCartney cool, you know you are really on to something:
Thanks again for your question, Sir, whomever you are...
Finally, The Captain had a suggestion regarding how to deal with a scenario in which your sibling is trying to take your recently-deceased parent's stuff, a recently covered topic in the blog:
Re #6. When your parents are visiting, make a list of their properly functioning organs. If the grim reaper comes a calling and you can do some prompt pre autopsy organ removal before the ambulance gets there, you can cash in on some serious black market profit. Call me for a price list.
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We are coming back tomorrow night in Minnesota. Oh my God, if we had only drafted Kevin Love instead of Beasley last year. Oh. My. God. I need to grow a beard...
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1) Seven wins in a row for Miami. 42 wins with 6 games to go, and a 1.5 game lead over 7th place Charlotte, which is the real battle right now. Fifth or sixth place doesn't matter - only staying out of seventh, and avoiding Orlando in the first round of the playoffs, matters. Let's do this, 2 through 6 style:
2) Dwyane Wade was mostly spectacular with 43 points on only 22 shots, 9 rebounds, 6 assists, 3 steals, and 3 blocks. 18 third quarter points to bring Miami back from a 10 point deficit. Had one brief stretch late in regulation where he dribbled the shot clock down too low about 4 possessions in a row, and allowed Indiana to come back and tie the game. But he made back-to-back threes with 90 seconds to go in overtime to effectively end the game. The jumper has often been missing for Dwyane this year, but tonight it was there. Also was named Eastern Conference player of the month for March today. We could be entering the last days of the Dwyane Wade era in Miami. Enjoy it, just in case...
3) Mike Beasley was brutal. They are winning games in spite of him right now. Shot 6-17 from the floor and missed both his free throws. Gave up a 20-10 night to Indiana's Troy Murphy. In the first half. Every night now, Heat announcers Eric Reid and Tony Fiorentino shill for the Heat organization, pleading for people to buy season tickets now, so that "we" don't miss out on the opportunity to see "all" the great players Miami is going to sign with their salary cap space this summer. Thanks - you know what, though? You sign the guys first, and then I'll figure out a way to get tickets, I promise you. As Meth said on The Wire - this mess is a little unseemly. Tonight Eric said it was important to get our tickets now so that we get the opportunity to see all these great players we will have next year. And, also, Mike Beasley, too..Damn, Mike, try to play with some force...
4) Best moment of the game: When Heat backup center, and natural butterfingers, Joel Anthony, starting again for the Jermaine O'Neal (out with hyperextended knee-like symptoms), caught a ball on the right block, faked his his little natural left handed jump hook, then stepped back through right for the up-and-under and finished with his right hand. Now I have seen everything. Love that Joel Anthony, just keeps working!
5) Second best moment of the game: When usually by-the-book, law-and-order color commentator Tony Fiorentino advocated a bit of civil disobedience when he admonished a front row fan who caught an errant pass for not immediately shooting the ball at the basket. "Tough to shoot the ball when you are sitting with your legs crossed," cracked Eric Reid, trying to lighten the moment. An unamused Tony: "He'll never have that chance again."
6) Two things in the six hole tonight. First, a reader question: can't remember the dude's name, but he wrote in a couple of weeks ago after our "Troubled White Man Beard" montage to ask which white guy has the best beard of all-time. Sir, I am sorry I don't remember your name and didn't save your email, because it was the best question this blog has ever been asked. I am going to give you two answers. I think the best white guy beard of all-time is probably, obviously, Jesus. But, my favorite white guy beard is a tie between two guys who influenced my positive feelings towards beards as a young white kid growing up in The CT: Pete Townshend and Paul McCartney. Townshend, in the late 70s, had that whole full-beard, open-shirt, Let-My-Love-Open-The-Door thing going, which was irresistible to little white Dos in 1979, and he was the guy I always wanted to grow up to be. You know, this look:
And, anyone who knows me, knows that I am not a big fan of The Beatles, mostly because they are lame as piss. But that's how powerful the white man's beard is: When it can even make Paul McCartney cool, you know you are really on to something:
Thanks again for your question, Sir, whomever you are...
Finally, The Captain had a suggestion regarding how to deal with a scenario in which your sibling is trying to take your recently-deceased parent's stuff, a recently covered topic in the blog:
Re #6. When your parents are visiting, make a list of their properly functioning organs. If the grim reaper comes a calling and you can do some prompt pre autopsy organ removal before the ambulance gets there, you can cash in on some serious black market profit. Call me for a price list.
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We are coming back tomorrow night in Minnesota. Oh my God, if we had only drafted Kevin Love instead of Beasley last year. Oh. My. God. I need to grow a beard...
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