6 Thoughts
1) The new-look New Jersey Nets came to town sporting a new home city (Brooklyn - still not sure exactly where it is, I know it's part of New York, but it's not Manhattan), a good record (11-4), a bunch of veterans who are new to the team (Jerry Stackhouse - that Jerry Stackhouse?), and most dauntingly, a fearsome reverse jinx from GFOB (and the only true Nets fan in captivity) Plumber, who texted me for three straight days about how Miami would kill New Jersey. For a half, the Nets frustrated the Heat with their "slow-ball, dribble-around-for-20-seconds, then-have-Stackhouse-or-Gerald-Wallace-throw-in-a-bad-jumper, or-have-Deron-Williams-or-Joe-Johnson-miss-the-rim-entirely-and-have-Andray-Blatche-catch-it-and-drop-it-through-with-the-shotclock-going-off" offense. In the second half, Miami made a couple of defensive adjustments, played about 5 minutes of "playoff" offense, and won going away. Sometimes you can reverse jinx, and reverse jinx, and in the end, it's just too much talent. Imagine that? All these years, I thought it was the power of the reverse jinx, I thought it was me willing and jinxing us to all these victories. But it turns out that talent was a factor as well. Man - never would have suspected that. Oh well...Let's let it fly, shall we?
2) Dwyane Wade looked a little livelier tonight. He's never going to be "Dwyane Wade" every night again, he's past that point of his career, but he's still quick off the dribble, he's still comfortable in the paint, and he knows how to move without the ball. On a night like tonight, when he has his legs a little, he's still a handful for any defensive team in a way that few guys are. He scored 34 on 14-20, mostly on rim attacks, and one satisfying alley-oop dunk in transition on to the head of The Human Date Rape, Kris Humphries, off a long pass from Walter Ray Allen (13 pts on 5-7). Talent.
3) Also fairly talented: KJ James. He was pretty mellow for a half, and Miami got down 10 or 12 and stayed there, as he orchestrated the offense from the top. About halfway through the third quarter, with Dwyane obviously looking pretty bouncy, but the Nets still hanging tough, KJ went to the midpost for about 5 minutes and picked the Nets apart. Rolled to the rim for a hoop, found Ray Allen on a cut for an open 6 footer, found Dwyane on a cut for a dunk, found Mike Mil-lar in the corner for a triple, then got tackled by Darryl Wallace for free throws. Sorry, Gerald Wallace. M.Minutos inexplicably called him "Darryl" in the first half - he's been in the league for like 50 years, she's seen him play 170 games, at least, and there is a running joke about him in Casa Minutos from his Charlotte days because a Bobcat announcer once claimed after a concussion that he "wasn't himself." After he immediately badly missed a gyroscopic runner, M. and I both laughed: "He's really not himself - he's Antoine Walker!" It's impossible that she could forget his name. "I don't know what happened," she admitted. In any case, he can't guard KJ James - nobody can - and that is how Miami won the title last year: they put KJ in the midpost and let him work. He rarely does it in the regular season - no need to - but he broke her out tonight for a few minutes, just started'er up, make sure she still runs. Guess what? She does! Talent.
4) Mario Chalmers' Twitter Corner: "Had a great time ridding bikes wit the critical Miami crew. Ima try t b there every time from now on. A lot of fun plus good workout." A lot of Heat players, including Dwyane, KJ, and Emcee Chalmers, participated in a 20 mile charity bike ride yesterday. Dwyane, yes, I can see that. KJ - I was surprised a year ago when he rode his bike to The Trip for a game (couldn't believe he knew how to get to The Trip; couldn't believe he knew how to ride a bike; couldn't believe he knew about bikes!) - but since then he does seem to be an avid biker. He has his own charity bike ride, as a matter of fact. But Almario Vernard Chalmers? Are you kidding me? I mean, I know he's an NBA point guard and all, but he doesn't seem remotely athletic enough to ride a bicycle. Things like speed, strength, and balance are not amongst his fortes. Especially balance - have you seen him throw an alley-oop pass? He seems like he's throwing it standing in a rowboat in rough seas! Plus, I can't imagine him maintaining focus for 20 miles - the odds that at some point he would get distracted and careen into Biscayne Bay were significant. Glad you're okay, Emcee! He had a fairly active 18 minutes tonight: 7 points, 6 rebounds, 3 steals, but also 3 turnovers, plus one fastbreak where he was ahead of Deron Williams but somehow lost the ball backwards into another New Jersey player's knees. In the second half Spo went primarily with Norris Cole, because he is better on the ball defensively. He's the polar opposite of the sleepy-eyed, slow-footed Chalmers - Norris is pell mell, all day, every day - that's how he plays: pell mell!. Most of what the Nets run comes off of Deron Williams' dribble. Cole got into him a little, the bigs stepped out higher, and Williams played poorly after the break - Nets scored just 30 in the second half...By the way, isn't there any kind of charity event that involves dribbling along the baseline pointlessly and stepping out of bounds? Or fouling three point shooters? Charity bike ride - goodness gracious, Almario!
5) Nets guard Joe Johnson is a human dull fest. I mean, he is borrr-ing. I watched him play about, oh, six hundred games for the Atlanta Hawks, and every moment of every one of those games, except for when Mike Bibby could pry the ball out of his hands and make a spectacular Bibby-esque play, was boring. He is a nice player, he's big, he's pretty skilled, he's a pretty good shooter, and a fairly solid defender, but he doesn't do anything with explosiveness (explosivity?) - I'm not sure I've ever even seen him run. I certainly have never seen him change expression. His signature play is the famous "Iso Joe" offense, where he takes the ball out on the wing, and starts backing his defender down while the other 8 guys on the court stand there and watch. Ahhh - yawn. Excuse me, unprofessional on my part. Yawnnn. Sorry. He's good at it, he can usually create a decent shot, but you don't have to double him because he can't get to the rim, so essentially the game just grinds to a halt and everybody watches him work. Yawnnnnnn- oh, where was I? Oh - Joe Johnson, right...He's been doing it for 100 years, he's, ummm, yawnn, he's ummm, little, yawnnn, deliber-...ohhh, sorry, I mean, he.........zzzzzzzzzzz.........
6) Just had two Red Bulls, feeling better! Listen, I don't like to toot my own horn too often, I don't like to sing my own praises, I don't like to rep myself too hard, but tonight, man, tonight, I really did something special! I went to P.Minutos' keyboard, started messing around, and, I think, just wrote a classic. I call it "Christmas in Florida," and it was a jaunty, rag-time, two-step holiday feel-good number. Not too sure what "rag-time" or "two-step" mean in technical musical terms, by the way, but that's how I'd describe it. I don't have any formal keyboard training (or any musical training whatsoever), but you wouldn't have known it from this song. Basically, I played two notes about 2 or 3 keys apart with my left hand about a third of the way up the keyboard, and then with my right hand played one note bouncing along with the left hand notes, then shifted the left hand notes about two keys to the right, as I played the consecutive next two notes with my right hand upwards and then back down again. And then, as I got comfortable with the notes, I started varying up the rhythm a bit (while still respecting the general integrity of the song), and sticking in a double note with the right hand here and there. Bouncy, but also heartfelt at times. Oh, and I had the keyboard set on some weird organ sound. Theoretically, I am sure there is some way to transcribe this down onto paper in some kind of musical note format, but it doesn't seem like it's necessary, I think everyone out there can pretty much hear the song from the way I described it. By the way, there are no words. Don't need them, the music paints a perfect picture of Christmas in Florida all on its own. The boys, O. and P. Minutos, came running into the room to learn the song, but I didn't teach them - obviously that's taboo, a musician shouldn't share his music with other musicians. And when I went into the kitchen to tell M.Minutos "you have to admit, that was pretty great," even she didn't deny it (she didn't say much, but who are we kidding, she's not exactly Janis Joplin herself). I have to admit it, I'm as surprised as you all are that I simply sat down at a keyboard and wrote a holiday classic, but sometimes it's just like that. Talent.
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I actually don't know who the next game is against, but I know it is Tuesday. That Joe Johnson-induced slumber erased some short-term memory cells. Hold up...oh, Washington. If you need me before then, I'll be trying to re-create that keyboard magic - I'm starting to realize that "a third of the way up the keyboard" is a little bit imprecise, and kind of tough to duplicate. See you Tuesday, Narcoleptics!
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Saturday, December 1, 2012
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Heat 105 Spurs 100
6 Thoughts
1) Out for the Spurs: Tony Parker, Tim Duncan, Manu Ginobili, Stephen Jackson, Kawhi Leonard, and Danny Green (all: yellow; if ur scared, say ur scared). Out for the Heat: Shane Battier (book club meeting - he's the president, he had to be there). As former Heat point guard and philosopher Tim Hardaway once said, "Sides is even." Let it fly!
2) Miami probably can't play worse than they did tonight. The effort level was dialed up to 0, even by the usually-diligent KJ James (again, he was atrocious, but "atrocious KJ" is still 23 points, 9 rebounds, and 7 dimes, with 4 steals, and a number of huge plays in the closing moments), Dwyane Wade was horrendous (more on that in #3), and they were down to a ragtag Spurs team by 7 with a couple of minutes to go. Annnnd, once again Walter Ray Allen went HAM, scoring 11 fourth quarter points, including the game-winning triple wth 20 seconds to go on a play where KJ went middle, lost the ball, got it back, and drilled a look-away bullet to Ray who had just enough time and space to pull the trigger. Ballgame, goodnight. Again. That's the fourth game this season he has essentially ended with a late triple. They aren't all going to go in, but a lot of them are going to go in. Had to be extra-special for Ray, too, one night after social deviant Rajon Rondo, and the progenitor of doucheball, Kevin Garnett, conspired to instigate a fight with the Human Date Rape, Kris Humphries. My cell phone almost caught on fire from the sheer number of texts the incident triggered, and I'm sure Ray's did, too. By the way, I'm sure we have a lot of the same contacts. You can see it on his face every single possession of every single game: he couldn't be happier to be out of Boston. And we couldn't be happier to have him! After the game, Jax asked him if he was starting to like these rims here in Miami. Ray smiled: "I love all rims." Amen, Jesus, amen!
3) I'm not sure why everyone seems scared to say this - maybe because it could be (it always could be) the beginning of the end for Dwyane Wade - but he's dragging his leg right now. He had offseason knee surgery, and he does not look lively. Watch him on his jumpers - he's not squaring up, he's not jumping on balance at all. He leaning back away from his shot to clear his body, hopping off one leg, and trying to wish it in. He's also shooting a ton of floaters, so he doesn't have to balance up and elevate. And he can't really move on defense (even when he tries). I don't know if he is still playing his knee into shape, which would be fine; or, whether he needs to be shut down for awhile. All that matters is that he feels decent come May and June. Right now he looks brutal. Even the one huge play he made tonight was awful: down three, with under a minute to go, he pushed the ball upcourt in transition with KJ on his right. He was indecisive about whether to pass or try to get to the rim himself. Instead, he did neither, and on the dead run from the foul line elevated, I think intending to pass, but got caught up in the air, flying forwards, and somehow rolled the long floater in. Bad decision, bad shot - huge hoop. It worked out, but Dwyane is playing really poorly right now.
4) So, so, soooo much chirping about San Antonio's decision to rest their best guys, and now the league office has threatened to fine the Spurs. Not sure for what - for playing a great game and taking the defending champions down to final seconds so that we all got to see another Ray Allen game-winner? Yeah, that was terrible! Thank God for David Stern and the league office - I hate thrillers! I'm with Kevin Durant's tweet: "Let them people live they own life." Indeed - let them live they own life. A lot better than the loathsome Russell Westbrook's tweet: "Tim Duncan and Tony Parker? Who?"
5) Does everyone here know why the blog is called "Dos Minutos?" Yes, Heat announcer Mike Baiamonte announces the two minute mark of every quarter by saying "two minutes remaining in the quarter - dos minutos!" I don't know if our readers from out of the area are aware of this, but we have a lot of Spanish speakers in Miami, not sure if that is common knowledge or not. But the reason the blog is called "Dos Minutos" is because one day, several years ago, a very, very white dude called into Dan LeBatard's radio show (good show, by the way - no debating "legacies," or debating who should or should not be in various Halls of Fame, it mostly makes fun of those people, it makes fun of sports talk radio) and told LeBatard, "I brought a friend from out of town to the game, and when the P.A. announcer said that in Spanish, it was the most embarrassing moment of my life." Ummm, if you're that humorless - and racist! - you might just want to keep it to yourself. And LeBatard is Cuban! He was just like, "Really, Sir? That's quite a life you have if that's the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to you!" I laughed - haaa! Okay, I didn't say there was a great story behind the name, just that there was a story. Anyways, here's Mike Baiamonte, the actual Heat P.A. announcer (thanks to A.H.Minutos - he's the best GFOB ever!):
6) So my neighbor G, who is the best dude, and dad, and neighbor everrr - thank God for him, by the way, since he's mostly raising my kids - he and I were out with our boys a couple of days ago at an outdoor bar near our house. I mean, bar and grill, of course, we wouldn't bring our kids to a straight up bar unless we really, really had to. (As a side note: he was drinking, I wasn't. Also, he drove!) And there were college football games on all the televisions, and one of the games near us was a total blowout, someone was winning like 42-3. G noted it was only halfway through the third quarter, and he was like, "that's brutal, that game is over," and I'm like, "ahhh, I don't know, five quick touchdowns and they are right back in it," and he's like, "in football there should be a way to surrender, just like in cribbage, you know?" Oh, yes: just like in cribbage! If I had a dollar for every time I surrendered in a game of cribbage, I'd have, ummm, zero dollars! What male under the age of 80 knows how to play cribbage? What male, period, knows how to play cribbage? What the hell is it, a card game? As I said, G is pretty much raising my kids - he's the dad who knows how to build stuff and all - so I just had to pretend that I never heard that! Cribbage!
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Our next game is Saturday against the new look New Jersey Nets, who are quite good this year. Along with the Knicks, they are the only other team in the East that you wouldn't call "putrid" right now. Of course, they are also the favorite team of Great Friend of the Blog, Plumber, who is probably the only actual legitimate Nets fan on Earth. Plumber, wisely and with the best intentions, tried to go reverse jinx this morning, texting me that the Heat will probably kill the Nets on Saturday. It's a smart move by him - he absolutely should go for the reverse jinx, but he is forgetting a few things: one, you can't reverse jinx something that already happened - Miami already beat them by like 30 once this year. Two, Miami is playing so poorly right now that they couldn't even blow out a D-League team tonight. If the Nets got blown out Saturday in Miami, or even lose the game at all, it would be an absolute humiliation for them, I can't imagine them recovering from that and going on to have a successful season. I mean, it is the biggest game they will play all year, a revenge game after getting embarrassed by the defending champions. For Miami, they're the champs, it's just another game, a loss of any kind would be utterly meaningless (as would a win). It is a pointless game for them, there is no reason to play hard at all. Three, you can't reverse jinx something that only you care about - there are no other actual Nets fans, I don't believe that at all. I watched them play a bit at home this week and it sounded like mostly Knicks fans. And four, and most importantly, Nets center Brook Lopez is reportedly out for that game with a bad foot. Advantage: Nets! No layup line at the rim off every pick and roll this time, I would imagine! We'll see what happens Saturday - good luck, Plumber! If anyone needs me before then, I'll be speaking to my attorney to make sure Mike Baiamonte doesn't sue me for stealing his trademark line. See you Saturday, movie critics!
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1) Out for the Spurs: Tony Parker, Tim Duncan, Manu Ginobili, Stephen Jackson, Kawhi Leonard, and Danny Green (all: yellow; if ur scared, say ur scared). Out for the Heat: Shane Battier (book club meeting - he's the president, he had to be there). As former Heat point guard and philosopher Tim Hardaway once said, "Sides is even." Let it fly!
2) Miami probably can't play worse than they did tonight. The effort level was dialed up to 0, even by the usually-diligent KJ James (again, he was atrocious, but "atrocious KJ" is still 23 points, 9 rebounds, and 7 dimes, with 4 steals, and a number of huge plays in the closing moments), Dwyane Wade was horrendous (more on that in #3), and they were down to a ragtag Spurs team by 7 with a couple of minutes to go. Annnnd, once again Walter Ray Allen went HAM, scoring 11 fourth quarter points, including the game-winning triple wth 20 seconds to go on a play where KJ went middle, lost the ball, got it back, and drilled a look-away bullet to Ray who had just enough time and space to pull the trigger. Ballgame, goodnight. Again. That's the fourth game this season he has essentially ended with a late triple. They aren't all going to go in, but a lot of them are going to go in. Had to be extra-special for Ray, too, one night after social deviant Rajon Rondo, and the progenitor of doucheball, Kevin Garnett, conspired to instigate a fight with the Human Date Rape, Kris Humphries. My cell phone almost caught on fire from the sheer number of texts the incident triggered, and I'm sure Ray's did, too. By the way, I'm sure we have a lot of the same contacts. You can see it on his face every single possession of every single game: he couldn't be happier to be out of Boston. And we couldn't be happier to have him! After the game, Jax asked him if he was starting to like these rims here in Miami. Ray smiled: "I love all rims." Amen, Jesus, amen!
3) I'm not sure why everyone seems scared to say this - maybe because it could be (it always could be) the beginning of the end for Dwyane Wade - but he's dragging his leg right now. He had offseason knee surgery, and he does not look lively. Watch him on his jumpers - he's not squaring up, he's not jumping on balance at all. He leaning back away from his shot to clear his body, hopping off one leg, and trying to wish it in. He's also shooting a ton of floaters, so he doesn't have to balance up and elevate. And he can't really move on defense (even when he tries). I don't know if he is still playing his knee into shape, which would be fine; or, whether he needs to be shut down for awhile. All that matters is that he feels decent come May and June. Right now he looks brutal. Even the one huge play he made tonight was awful: down three, with under a minute to go, he pushed the ball upcourt in transition with KJ on his right. He was indecisive about whether to pass or try to get to the rim himself. Instead, he did neither, and on the dead run from the foul line elevated, I think intending to pass, but got caught up in the air, flying forwards, and somehow rolled the long floater in. Bad decision, bad shot - huge hoop. It worked out, but Dwyane is playing really poorly right now.
4) So, so, soooo much chirping about San Antonio's decision to rest their best guys, and now the league office has threatened to fine the Spurs. Not sure for what - for playing a great game and taking the defending champions down to final seconds so that we all got to see another Ray Allen game-winner? Yeah, that was terrible! Thank God for David Stern and the league office - I hate thrillers! I'm with Kevin Durant's tweet: "Let them people live they own life." Indeed - let them live they own life. A lot better than the loathsome Russell Westbrook's tweet: "Tim Duncan and Tony Parker? Who?"
5) Does everyone here know why the blog is called "Dos Minutos?" Yes, Heat announcer Mike Baiamonte announces the two minute mark of every quarter by saying "two minutes remaining in the quarter - dos minutos!" I don't know if our readers from out of the area are aware of this, but we have a lot of Spanish speakers in Miami, not sure if that is common knowledge or not. But the reason the blog is called "Dos Minutos" is because one day, several years ago, a very, very white dude called into Dan LeBatard's radio show (good show, by the way - no debating "legacies," or debating who should or should not be in various Halls of Fame, it mostly makes fun of those people, it makes fun of sports talk radio) and told LeBatard, "I brought a friend from out of town to the game, and when the P.A. announcer said that in Spanish, it was the most embarrassing moment of my life." Ummm, if you're that humorless - and racist! - you might just want to keep it to yourself. And LeBatard is Cuban! He was just like, "Really, Sir? That's quite a life you have if that's the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to you!" I laughed - haaa! Okay, I didn't say there was a great story behind the name, just that there was a story. Anyways, here's Mike Baiamonte, the actual Heat P.A. announcer (thanks to A.H.Minutos - he's the best GFOB ever!):
6) So my neighbor G, who is the best dude, and dad, and neighbor everrr - thank God for him, by the way, since he's mostly raising my kids - he and I were out with our boys a couple of days ago at an outdoor bar near our house. I mean, bar and grill, of course, we wouldn't bring our kids to a straight up bar unless we really, really had to. (As a side note: he was drinking, I wasn't. Also, he drove!) And there were college football games on all the televisions, and one of the games near us was a total blowout, someone was winning like 42-3. G noted it was only halfway through the third quarter, and he was like, "that's brutal, that game is over," and I'm like, "ahhh, I don't know, five quick touchdowns and they are right back in it," and he's like, "in football there should be a way to surrender, just like in cribbage, you know?" Oh, yes: just like in cribbage! If I had a dollar for every time I surrendered in a game of cribbage, I'd have, ummm, zero dollars! What male under the age of 80 knows how to play cribbage? What male, period, knows how to play cribbage? What the hell is it, a card game? As I said, G is pretty much raising my kids - he's the dad who knows how to build stuff and all - so I just had to pretend that I never heard that! Cribbage!
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Our next game is Saturday against the new look New Jersey Nets, who are quite good this year. Along with the Knicks, they are the only other team in the East that you wouldn't call "putrid" right now. Of course, they are also the favorite team of Great Friend of the Blog, Plumber, who is probably the only actual legitimate Nets fan on Earth. Plumber, wisely and with the best intentions, tried to go reverse jinx this morning, texting me that the Heat will probably kill the Nets on Saturday. It's a smart move by him - he absolutely should go for the reverse jinx, but he is forgetting a few things: one, you can't reverse jinx something that already happened - Miami already beat them by like 30 once this year. Two, Miami is playing so poorly right now that they couldn't even blow out a D-League team tonight. If the Nets got blown out Saturday in Miami, or even lose the game at all, it would be an absolute humiliation for them, I can't imagine them recovering from that and going on to have a successful season. I mean, it is the biggest game they will play all year, a revenge game after getting embarrassed by the defending champions. For Miami, they're the champs, it's just another game, a loss of any kind would be utterly meaningless (as would a win). It is a pointless game for them, there is no reason to play hard at all. Three, you can't reverse jinx something that only you care about - there are no other actual Nets fans, I don't believe that at all. I watched them play a bit at home this week and it sounded like mostly Knicks fans. And four, and most importantly, Nets center Brook Lopez is reportedly out for that game with a bad foot. Advantage: Nets! No layup line at the rim off every pick and roll this time, I would imagine! We'll see what happens Saturday - good luck, Plumber! If anyone needs me before then, I'll be speaking to my attorney to make sure Mike Baiamonte doesn't sue me for stealing his trademark line. See you Saturday, movie critics!
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Saturday, November 24, 2012
Heat 110 Cavs 108
6 Thoughts
1) What a night! First of all, it was "White Hot" night at The Trip, which is basically a marketing opportunity in which the Heat introduced new all-white unis so folks can buy them for Christmas. Slick threads, though, they looked cool and refreshing. Secondly, Walter Ray Allen won the game down stretch...aaaaggainnn! How did we ever live without this kid? Thirdly, Walt survived not one, not two, but three assaults on his lead in "Hot Seconds with Jax!" And as if all that wasn't enough, we got another example of why it's best not to "f" with Dwyane Wade, and some long-overdue recognition for Mario "Emcee" Chalmers, at least in Casa Minutos. Best of all: WE'VE GOT RYAN GOSLING!!! Let's go, let it fly, Walt, Dwyane, Mario, and Ryan: LET IT FLY!!!
2) Remember back in the day, remember how we used to kick it back then? Sitting around, mad chilling, wondering who was going to take the last shot of a close game for us? Whether it would be Dwyane or KJ James? Remember that? Now we have the answer: NEITHER! Because it always, always, always seems like it gon' be Walter Ray Allen! After scoring 2 points in the first three quarters, and Miami struggling to stay with a scrappy Cavs squad, as KJ James like to say, Ray went HAM! He scored 15 in the fourth quarter, including 3 triples, another three point play on a layup-and-foul, and his triple from the right wing, down 2, with 18 seconds to go, on a spit from KJ, won it. All this kid do is make huge shots late! And you can see the absolute joy in his eyes each time he makes one, as he remembers the many frustrating years of misery in Boston. So good to be free, Ray! So good to be free...Side note: the Cavs played great, they really should have won this game, they played good positional defense, and played offense with aggression, which you have to do against Miami. But, again, stiffs were throwing in triples from everywhere (14-31), including 4-4 from Omri Casspi, and three of those were terrible shots. That's not the point, though. The point is, at one juncture Eric Reid referred to Casspi as "Omri," (Memphis Grizzlies announcer Pete Pranica usually goes last names only, feels it's more professional), and I thought he said, "Henri," like the French pronunciation, like, "Ennn-reee." And I was super-excited, I didn't know whom he was referring to, but that's one of my favorite names, and I thought we had one in the league now. Yes, I am a dork. Let's move on - we're back on Ray Allen in #5, by the way...
3) Listen, if you're a guard on an opposing team, know this: if Dwyane Wade is checking you, it isn't going to be your toughest offensive night ever. Defensively, yes, you are going to work, he's going to challenge you, but on the other end when you have the ball, as long as you keep it cool, don't embarrass him, don't try to show him up, he'll let you do your little thing, he'll let you get yours a bit. It's cool, there's 82 games, he's not trying to kill himself in November. But, listen, don't be stupid. When you're down 2 with 18 seconds to go, don't take the ball, pound it a bit, then try to bull rush him to the rim straight through his chest to try to finish, or make him foul you. Because you know what's going to happen? You're going to end up with "Spalding" tattooed on your forehead. Some guys gotta learn the hard way; Cavs guard Jeremy Pargo went down that road tonight. Ballgame. Next time be smart and pass the ball to someone else, Jeremy...
4) In the third quarter, Heat play-by-player Eric Reid was discussing Mario Chalmers' quiet night, and he theorized, "Mario is still searching for the one thing that has eluded him in his first four seasons." An MVP trophy? "Consistency." Ohhhh. Yeah. Shoot - between thinking Chalmers was getting MVP support from Eric Reid, and hoping that we had an "Henri" in the league now, I really had a bit of an up-and-down night.
5) Back to the "up" part of my night: Ray Allen still leads "Hot Seconds With Jax," the halfti- errr, the game show that can be shown at any hour of the day or night, and probably when you least expect it! There were three episodes tonight: one in the pre-game (Bosh, didn't know anything about diapers, or, thankfully, the very annoying John Salley); one at halftime (Dexter Pittman, might have known the answers, but seems too shy to try to win); and, most nerve-wracking, James Johnson (as Ray calls him) in the post-game show. Ray clearly knew James Jones, an academic All-American at The U, was going to be one of his primary challengers in "Hot Secs" and his early-season ploy to get in his head by calling him "James Johnson" on national tv clearly worked. J.J. came close, but only notched an 8 when he couldn't name two more "hits" by Tony Toni Tone (none of them were big hits in Casa Minutos). So Ray still leads! But I have a complaint from M.Minutos directly to Jax, and his producer Mr. A.J. Speaks, about the show. She is angry - "furious" is probably a better word - that episodes are running in the pre and post-game shows, in addition to halftime. She's got two kids, she's getting a little older (even though, incredibly, she looks even better than ever - she's never been so fetching and alluring!), and by the end of the game she is tired and wants to go to bed. Not me, as soon as I finish this blog I'm heading out to Tobacco Road to meet UD. But M.Minutos wants "Hot Seconds" played at halftime, only. She points out that there are 82 games - besides February, when the players, Riles, and Zo read essays about important African-Americans (and, by the way, we all know they aren't all new every year), and sometimes some cooking shows when Joel Anthony makes jerk chickens tacos, or whatever, how many really important things do we have to do during halftimes? And, Jax, don't you remember "How To Be A Millionaire?" (Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? - whatever) Overexposure killed it, dude! Limit the "Hot Secs" a little, leave us salivating for more! You don't see KJ James going out and getting 50 every night - he just gives us a li'l taste, keeps us coming back for the next game to see what's up. You knowww...
6) Review: "Crazy, Stupid, Love." I know it came out a long time ago, but I just watched it last night - writing this blog takes a lot of time, sorry I'm so late with it. This film starred Ryan Gosling, some gorgeous skinny girl with crazy hot eyebrows (yes, I kinda like eyebrows, sooo sexy), and some other people, probably, I didn't really notice anyone else in it. The emotional high point of the movie came when Ryan Gosling took off his shirt and I- I mean, the girl in the movie- was absolutely spellbound by his chiseled physique, but I- I mean, she- didn't let it stop her from truly getting to know him and falling in deep love with his soul. The low point of the movie was when Ryan Gosling ended up with this girl, and not the one with the crazy hot eyebrows. What? What the hell kind of movie was this? Who directed this film? In what world would Ryan Gosling and the girl with the crazy hot eyebrows not end up together? That was heart-wrenching, it still hurts now, 24 hours later...Oh, how many stars? Are you high? 10 out of 10! Did you hear me: IT STARS RYAN GOSLING!!!
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We just had a couple of nights off, and now we don't play again until Thursday! That is crazy, stupid, and I love it! Yeahhh, boyyy, see what I did there? Spurs, I think, Thursday, they're good. If you need me before then, I definitely won't be watching the shirtless Ryan Gosling scene over and over on an endless loop. I mean, there are a lot of things I might be doing before Thursday's game, I am a busy, busy man, but believe me, I can assure you, that I absolutely, positively will not be doing that! See you Thursday, Longhorns!
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1) What a night! First of all, it was "White Hot" night at The Trip, which is basically a marketing opportunity in which the Heat introduced new all-white unis so folks can buy them for Christmas. Slick threads, though, they looked cool and refreshing. Secondly, Walter Ray Allen won the game down stretch...aaaaggainnn! How did we ever live without this kid? Thirdly, Walt survived not one, not two, but three assaults on his lead in "Hot Seconds with Jax!" And as if all that wasn't enough, we got another example of why it's best not to "f" with Dwyane Wade, and some long-overdue recognition for Mario "Emcee" Chalmers, at least in Casa Minutos. Best of all: WE'VE GOT RYAN GOSLING!!! Let's go, let it fly, Walt, Dwyane, Mario, and Ryan: LET IT FLY!!!
2) Remember back in the day, remember how we used to kick it back then? Sitting around, mad chilling, wondering who was going to take the last shot of a close game for us? Whether it would be Dwyane or KJ James? Remember that? Now we have the answer: NEITHER! Because it always, always, always seems like it gon' be Walter Ray Allen! After scoring 2 points in the first three quarters, and Miami struggling to stay with a scrappy Cavs squad, as KJ James like to say, Ray went HAM! He scored 15 in the fourth quarter, including 3 triples, another three point play on a layup-and-foul, and his triple from the right wing, down 2, with 18 seconds to go, on a spit from KJ, won it. All this kid do is make huge shots late! And you can see the absolute joy in his eyes each time he makes one, as he remembers the many frustrating years of misery in Boston. So good to be free, Ray! So good to be free...Side note: the Cavs played great, they really should have won this game, they played good positional defense, and played offense with aggression, which you have to do against Miami. But, again, stiffs were throwing in triples from everywhere (14-31), including 4-4 from Omri Casspi, and three of those were terrible shots. That's not the point, though. The point is, at one juncture Eric Reid referred to Casspi as "Omri," (Memphis Grizzlies announcer Pete Pranica usually goes last names only, feels it's more professional), and I thought he said, "Henri," like the French pronunciation, like, "Ennn-reee." And I was super-excited, I didn't know whom he was referring to, but that's one of my favorite names, and I thought we had one in the league now. Yes, I am a dork. Let's move on - we're back on Ray Allen in #5, by the way...
3) Listen, if you're a guard on an opposing team, know this: if Dwyane Wade is checking you, it isn't going to be your toughest offensive night ever. Defensively, yes, you are going to work, he's going to challenge you, but on the other end when you have the ball, as long as you keep it cool, don't embarrass him, don't try to show him up, he'll let you do your little thing, he'll let you get yours a bit. It's cool, there's 82 games, he's not trying to kill himself in November. But, listen, don't be stupid. When you're down 2 with 18 seconds to go, don't take the ball, pound it a bit, then try to bull rush him to the rim straight through his chest to try to finish, or make him foul you. Because you know what's going to happen? You're going to end up with "Spalding" tattooed on your forehead. Some guys gotta learn the hard way; Cavs guard Jeremy Pargo went down that road tonight. Ballgame. Next time be smart and pass the ball to someone else, Jeremy...
4) In the third quarter, Heat play-by-player Eric Reid was discussing Mario Chalmers' quiet night, and he theorized, "Mario is still searching for the one thing that has eluded him in his first four seasons." An MVP trophy? "Consistency." Ohhhh. Yeah. Shoot - between thinking Chalmers was getting MVP support from Eric Reid, and hoping that we had an "Henri" in the league now, I really had a bit of an up-and-down night.
5) Back to the "up" part of my night: Ray Allen still leads "Hot Seconds With Jax," the halfti- errr, the game show that can be shown at any hour of the day or night, and probably when you least expect it! There were three episodes tonight: one in the pre-game (Bosh, didn't know anything about diapers, or, thankfully, the very annoying John Salley); one at halftime (Dexter Pittman, might have known the answers, but seems too shy to try to win); and, most nerve-wracking, James Johnson (as Ray calls him) in the post-game show. Ray clearly knew James Jones, an academic All-American at The U, was going to be one of his primary challengers in "Hot Secs" and his early-season ploy to get in his head by calling him "James Johnson" on national tv clearly worked. J.J. came close, but only notched an 8 when he couldn't name two more "hits" by Tony Toni Tone (none of them were big hits in Casa Minutos). So Ray still leads! But I have a complaint from M.Minutos directly to Jax, and his producer Mr. A.J. Speaks, about the show. She is angry - "furious" is probably a better word - that episodes are running in the pre and post-game shows, in addition to halftime. She's got two kids, she's getting a little older (even though, incredibly, she looks even better than ever - she's never been so fetching and alluring!), and by the end of the game she is tired and wants to go to bed. Not me, as soon as I finish this blog I'm heading out to Tobacco Road to meet UD. But M.Minutos wants "Hot Seconds" played at halftime, only. She points out that there are 82 games - besides February, when the players, Riles, and Zo read essays about important African-Americans (and, by the way, we all know they aren't all new every year), and sometimes some cooking shows when Joel Anthony makes jerk chickens tacos, or whatever, how many really important things do we have to do during halftimes? And, Jax, don't you remember "How To Be A Millionaire?" (Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? - whatever) Overexposure killed it, dude! Limit the "Hot Secs" a little, leave us salivating for more! You don't see KJ James going out and getting 50 every night - he just gives us a li'l taste, keeps us coming back for the next game to see what's up. You knowww...
6) Review: "Crazy, Stupid, Love." I know it came out a long time ago, but I just watched it last night - writing this blog takes a lot of time, sorry I'm so late with it. This film starred Ryan Gosling, some gorgeous skinny girl with crazy hot eyebrows (yes, I kinda like eyebrows, sooo sexy), and some other people, probably, I didn't really notice anyone else in it. The emotional high point of the movie came when Ryan Gosling took off his shirt and I- I mean, the girl in the movie- was absolutely spellbound by his chiseled physique, but I- I mean, she- didn't let it stop her from truly getting to know him and falling in deep love with his soul. The low point of the movie was when Ryan Gosling ended up with this girl, and not the one with the crazy hot eyebrows. What? What the hell kind of movie was this? Who directed this film? In what world would Ryan Gosling and the girl with the crazy hot eyebrows not end up together? That was heart-wrenching, it still hurts now, 24 hours later...Oh, how many stars? Are you high? 10 out of 10! Did you hear me: IT STARS RYAN GOSLING!!!
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We just had a couple of nights off, and now we don't play again until Thursday! That is crazy, stupid, and I love it! Yeahhh, boyyy, see what I did there? Spurs, I think, Thursday, they're good. If you need me before then, I definitely won't be watching the shirtless Ryan Gosling scene over and over on an endless loop. I mean, there are a lot of things I might be doing before Thursday's game, I am a busy, busy man, but believe me, I can assure you, that I absolutely, positively will not be doing that! See you Thursday, Longhorns!
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Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Heat 113 Bucks 106 ot
6 Thoughts
1) The Heat blew out of the gate to an early 18 point lead, then sleepwalked through two and a half quarters and found themselves down 7 with 5 minutes to go, whereupon KJ James proceeded to make about 15 plays in a row down the stretch so the Heat could win. The end. Let's roll through this and then hit our holiday break. Let it fly...
2) For some reason, Miami struggles against Milwaukee more than any other team. It's hard to tell what it is - before late last season, you would have guessed that the Heat were just bored to death against the Bucks, but the Bucks acquired Monta Ellis to pair with Brandon Jennings in the backcourt, and they push the ball up the court pretty hard now, which should play right into the Heat's hands (and did early). But the Heat, just like last season, ground to a halt in the middle of the game, and the Bucks caught them. With the Heat down 7 and 5 minutes to go, and this looking like a disappointing loss, KJ: made a triple from the top; drove and made a layup; drove and found a sharply cutting Dwyane Wade (28 points in his first game back) for a layup; drove-and-spat to Walter Ray Allen (3-5 on threes) in the corner for a triple to put the Heat up 3, all the while guarding Bucks' point guard Jennings on the defensive end, stifling their offense at the point of attack. After the Bucks slipped back ahead, KJ's offensive rebound and putback (while, as always, getting shoved with no foul - he gets less respect than any player in the league, refs expect him to finish through contact) tied the game and sent it to overtime. In the overtime, he and Wade combined for a few quick buckets, then salted the game away up 6, when KJ screened for a cutting Wade off the ball on a backdoor, Bosh threw an alley oop to Wade which crashed off the backboard back into the lane, where it was rebounded by an alert KJ, who immediately rifled a pass to the far corner to a camped out Ray Allen. Money ball, plus 9, ballgame! That guy is pretty good! Oh yeah, here's LeBron's cousin, "WhiteBron:"
3) Let's check in on the dual three point jinxes we have going on. First is the "Reverse Visiting Team Three Point Jinx" (we need a better name), the phenomenon where absolute stiffs from other teams start raining threes on our heads like Hurricane Sandy. Annnnd, tonight that was in full-effect, I think we actually reached some kind of nadir when Bucks center, Samuel Dalembert (an Eric Reid favorite - Grizzlies announcer Pete Pranica thinks Dalembert is overrated, by the way), who has played over 700 NBA games and never made a three pointer, as in never, not even one, dropped in a bomb from the top of the circle to end the first half and cut what was once an 18 point Heat lead to 2. Why wouldn't he do that? That was exciting. I like to call the other jinx "The Reverse Bosh." I predicted Bosh would make more than 50 triples this season, but thus far, through 11 games, he'd made 1. AND TONIGHT HE MADE ANOTHER ONE - THAT'S TWO, HERE WE GO, BABY! LET IT FLY!!! Bosh was great tonight. 24 points on 9-14 from the floor, with 18 rebounds. He only scored every time he touched the ball. You know what Bosh does for a living these days? Takes dudes apart...
4) With his second rebound of the game tonight, Udonis Haslem passed Alonzo Mourning to become Miami's all-time leading rebounder. Love UD - he's my all-time favorite basketball player. He gave an embarrassed little wave to the crowd's standing ovation, which is indicative of what I love about him: he doesn't care much about the attention, he's all about the business. Since Dwyane Wade is my second favorite player of all-time, and Walter Ray Allen is my third (he never plays for Boston, he's likely #1), this season is like a dream come true. Except for the part where Udonis Haslem can't catch a basketball anymore. Damn, UD...I understand your legs are gone, so you can't make a jumper or finish at the rim anymore - 1-5 from the floor tonight, which is all too typical. I can accept that, it's frustrating, and a little embarrassing, but okay, I understand. But why can't you catch the ball? You keep screening and rolling to the rim, and because Dwyane and KJ are so unselfish, and always make the correct pass, they always hit you when you are open, but the ball hits your elbows, or off your eyeballs, or caroms off your hamstring - anywhere but secured in the hands...It's really tough to watch. A couple of offseasons ago, when UD was a free agent, I said I'd rather lose every game with him on the team, than win every game without him. And I still feel that way. But it doesn't mean he has to actually, like, be in the games - he could just watch from the bench and high five dudes during timeouts, I'd be totally cool with that. Dag, mannn...
5) Okay, okay, OKAY: Hot Seconds With Jax is BACK!!! (Sidenote: Why is the halftime segment where Jax interviews members of the Heat media, who are all a little boring except Joey Goodman from the Herald, also called Hot Seconds with Jax? That's ridiculous - that isn't Hot Seconds with Jax, that's just ripped-off Around the Horn from ESPN. Why do two totally different segments have the same name? Jax - why? Pete Pranica would never allow this.). This is the halftime game show where Jax asks players trivia questions, and then we tally up the scores and see who the smartest dude on the team is. Usually that is Mario "Emcee" Chalmers, obviously, but last year it was KJ James. As I've pointed out many, many times in this blog, I am stunned when KJ knows anything - he seems like a basketball machine to me, and wouldn't concern himself with anything else. I was stunned when he rode his bicycle to the arena one game last year. Not only was I surprised he knew how to get from his house to The Trip, I was impressed that he knew how to ride a bike...But he blew everyone away last year in Hot Seconds, and M.Minutos has predicted him to repeat his title. I'm going with Walter Ray Allen. When playing for the University of Connecticut, he once claimed that every day he wrote down ten questions he didn't know the answer to, and tried to learn the answer by the end of the day (and that's pre-internet!). That's a lot of knowledge right there. He also holds the current record for a Heat player for the number of times correctly using the word "bevy" in an interview: once, opening night, when he said he had a "bevy of emotions" going against his old teammates on the Celtics (and by "bevy of emotions," he meant he "couldn't be happier to be away from Rondo and Garnett because those were the worst five years of my life"). Annnd, Ray was up first tonight, and he did well, posting a 9 out of 10. He knew the college that recruited him in the movie he starred in, "He Got Game," (Big State), and he knew the University of Connecticut's all-time leading scorer (Chris Smith - Ray left after 3 years, otherwise it would be him), but he could only name four out of the top five three point shooters in NBA history (got himself, Reggie Miller, Jason Kidd, and Chauncey Billups, didn't get Jason Terry). That's a 9 out of 10 - we'll see if it stands up. By the way, odd stylistic choice in which Jax seemed to overdub his audio on a cell phone, but somehow it just made the game seem more exciting. So, so, sooo good!
6) Let's talk about an important misconception some people may have, and especially some people who work at Dos Minutos International Headquarters: cats can not get cancer. We had a heated debate about this a couple of weeks ago, and it's ridiculous - obviously a cat can't get cancer. I recognize that a veterinarian will tell you a cat can get cancer, I'm not denying that, but that's not legit, that's a business move from the vet, he's just trying to rake you for cash. What are you, some kind of blue-state pie-in-the-sky liberal who wants to treat a 15 pound rodent for imaginary cancer? Do you believe everything that the New York Times says? Rubes…Anyways, The Captain was like, "of course a cat can get cancer - any mammal can get cancer." First of all, that's a great point. All these decades, all these billions and billions of dollars we have spent trying to determine the cause of cancer, and all along The Captain knew the cause: being a mammal. Wish he would have just let us know that, would have saved us a ton of time and money and, you know, death. "I was raising my hand in class that day, but they didn't call on me," he explained.
Second of all, a cat isn't a real mammal, it is too small, they are mostly bones and sinew. A dog, yes, certain dogs can get cancer, because dogs are far more substantial than cats, especially bigger dogs, like labradors or a collie. A smaller dog like a Chihuahua can't get cancer - very similar to a cat. The Captain wanted to know if a hippo could get cancer, but of course they can't, they aren't domestic. Uh, duhhh....
1) The Heat blew out of the gate to an early 18 point lead, then sleepwalked through two and a half quarters and found themselves down 7 with 5 minutes to go, whereupon KJ James proceeded to make about 15 plays in a row down the stretch so the Heat could win. The end. Let's roll through this and then hit our holiday break. Let it fly...
2) For some reason, Miami struggles against Milwaukee more than any other team. It's hard to tell what it is - before late last season, you would have guessed that the Heat were just bored to death against the Bucks, but the Bucks acquired Monta Ellis to pair with Brandon Jennings in the backcourt, and they push the ball up the court pretty hard now, which should play right into the Heat's hands (and did early). But the Heat, just like last season, ground to a halt in the middle of the game, and the Bucks caught them. With the Heat down 7 and 5 minutes to go, and this looking like a disappointing loss, KJ: made a triple from the top; drove and made a layup; drove and found a sharply cutting Dwyane Wade (28 points in his first game back) for a layup; drove-and-spat to Walter Ray Allen (3-5 on threes) in the corner for a triple to put the Heat up 3, all the while guarding Bucks' point guard Jennings on the defensive end, stifling their offense at the point of attack. After the Bucks slipped back ahead, KJ's offensive rebound and putback (while, as always, getting shoved with no foul - he gets less respect than any player in the league, refs expect him to finish through contact) tied the game and sent it to overtime. In the overtime, he and Wade combined for a few quick buckets, then salted the game away up 6, when KJ screened for a cutting Wade off the ball on a backdoor, Bosh threw an alley oop to Wade which crashed off the backboard back into the lane, where it was rebounded by an alert KJ, who immediately rifled a pass to the far corner to a camped out Ray Allen. Money ball, plus 9, ballgame! That guy is pretty good! Oh yeah, here's LeBron's cousin, "WhiteBron:"
3) Let's check in on the dual three point jinxes we have going on. First is the "Reverse Visiting Team Three Point Jinx" (we need a better name), the phenomenon where absolute stiffs from other teams start raining threes on our heads like Hurricane Sandy. Annnnd, tonight that was in full-effect, I think we actually reached some kind of nadir when Bucks center, Samuel Dalembert (an Eric Reid favorite - Grizzlies announcer Pete Pranica thinks Dalembert is overrated, by the way), who has played over 700 NBA games and never made a three pointer, as in never, not even one, dropped in a bomb from the top of the circle to end the first half and cut what was once an 18 point Heat lead to 2. Why wouldn't he do that? That was exciting. I like to call the other jinx "The Reverse Bosh." I predicted Bosh would make more than 50 triples this season, but thus far, through 11 games, he'd made 1. AND TONIGHT HE MADE ANOTHER ONE - THAT'S TWO, HERE WE GO, BABY! LET IT FLY!!! Bosh was great tonight. 24 points on 9-14 from the floor, with 18 rebounds. He only scored every time he touched the ball. You know what Bosh does for a living these days? Takes dudes apart...
4) With his second rebound of the game tonight, Udonis Haslem passed Alonzo Mourning to become Miami's all-time leading rebounder. Love UD - he's my all-time favorite basketball player. He gave an embarrassed little wave to the crowd's standing ovation, which is indicative of what I love about him: he doesn't care much about the attention, he's all about the business. Since Dwyane Wade is my second favorite player of all-time, and Walter Ray Allen is my third (he never plays for Boston, he's likely #1), this season is like a dream come true. Except for the part where Udonis Haslem can't catch a basketball anymore. Damn, UD...I understand your legs are gone, so you can't make a jumper or finish at the rim anymore - 1-5 from the floor tonight, which is all too typical. I can accept that, it's frustrating, and a little embarrassing, but okay, I understand. But why can't you catch the ball? You keep screening and rolling to the rim, and because Dwyane and KJ are so unselfish, and always make the correct pass, they always hit you when you are open, but the ball hits your elbows, or off your eyeballs, or caroms off your hamstring - anywhere but secured in the hands...It's really tough to watch. A couple of offseasons ago, when UD was a free agent, I said I'd rather lose every game with him on the team, than win every game without him. And I still feel that way. But it doesn't mean he has to actually, like, be in the games - he could just watch from the bench and high five dudes during timeouts, I'd be totally cool with that. Dag, mannn...
5) Okay, okay, OKAY: Hot Seconds With Jax is BACK!!! (Sidenote: Why is the halftime segment where Jax interviews members of the Heat media, who are all a little boring except Joey Goodman from the Herald, also called Hot Seconds with Jax? That's ridiculous - that isn't Hot Seconds with Jax, that's just ripped-off Around the Horn from ESPN. Why do two totally different segments have the same name? Jax - why? Pete Pranica would never allow this.). This is the halftime game show where Jax asks players trivia questions, and then we tally up the scores and see who the smartest dude on the team is. Usually that is Mario "Emcee" Chalmers, obviously, but last year it was KJ James. As I've pointed out many, many times in this blog, I am stunned when KJ knows anything - he seems like a basketball machine to me, and wouldn't concern himself with anything else. I was stunned when he rode his bicycle to the arena one game last year. Not only was I surprised he knew how to get from his house to The Trip, I was impressed that he knew how to ride a bike...But he blew everyone away last year in Hot Seconds, and M.Minutos has predicted him to repeat his title. I'm going with Walter Ray Allen. When playing for the University of Connecticut, he once claimed that every day he wrote down ten questions he didn't know the answer to, and tried to learn the answer by the end of the day (and that's pre-internet!). That's a lot of knowledge right there. He also holds the current record for a Heat player for the number of times correctly using the word "bevy" in an interview: once, opening night, when he said he had a "bevy of emotions" going against his old teammates on the Celtics (and by "bevy of emotions," he meant he "couldn't be happier to be away from Rondo and Garnett because those were the worst five years of my life"). Annnd, Ray was up first tonight, and he did well, posting a 9 out of 10. He knew the college that recruited him in the movie he starred in, "He Got Game," (Big State), and he knew the University of Connecticut's all-time leading scorer (Chris Smith - Ray left after 3 years, otherwise it would be him), but he could only name four out of the top five three point shooters in NBA history (got himself, Reggie Miller, Jason Kidd, and Chauncey Billups, didn't get Jason Terry). That's a 9 out of 10 - we'll see if it stands up. By the way, odd stylistic choice in which Jax seemed to overdub his audio on a cell phone, but somehow it just made the game seem more exciting. So, so, sooo good!
6) Let's talk about an important misconception some people may have, and especially some people who work at Dos Minutos International Headquarters: cats can not get cancer. We had a heated debate about this a couple of weeks ago, and it's ridiculous - obviously a cat can't get cancer. I recognize that a veterinarian will tell you a cat can get cancer, I'm not denying that, but that's not legit, that's a business move from the vet, he's just trying to rake you for cash. What are you, some kind of blue-state pie-in-the-sky liberal who wants to treat a 15 pound rodent for imaginary cancer? Do you believe everything that the New York Times says? Rubes…Anyways, The Captain was like, "of course a cat can get cancer - any mammal can get cancer." First of all, that's a great point. All these decades, all these billions and billions of dollars we have spent trying to determine the cause of cancer, and all along The Captain knew the cause: being a mammal. Wish he would have just let us know that, would have saved us a ton of time and money and, you know, death. "I was raising my hand in class that day, but they didn't call on me," he explained.
Second of all, a cat isn't a real mammal, it is too small, they are mostly bones and sinew. A dog, yes, certain dogs can get cancer, because dogs are far more substantial than cats, especially bigger dogs, like labradors or a collie. A smaller dog like a Chihuahua can't get cancer - very similar to a cat. The Captain wanted to know if a hippo could get cancer, but of course they can't, they aren't domestic. Uh, duhhh....
You know who would never treat a cat for cancer? Milt Romney. Oh, "Mitt," whatever. He's no dope, at the first sign of trouble from the cat he'd leave it on the side of the highway, like anyone should…The end.
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Thanksgiving tomorrow. I've been accused of being the kind of person who doesn't really care whether other people have a Happy Thanksgiving or not, so I won't even go through the charade of wishing you one. Just know that the accusation would hurt my feelings, though, if I actually had any. We're back at this Saturday, against Dan Gilbert's Cleveland Cavaliers. I definitely don't wish him a Happy Thanksgiving! If you need me before then, I'll be cleaning up the kitchen while listening to Dre Day! See you Saturday, Gangstas!
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Saturday, November 17, 2012
Heat 97 Suns 88
6 Thoughts
1) The longest road trip of the season concluded with a solid win over a pretty bad, but lovable, Phoenix team. The road trip ends up 4-2 - you'll always take that for a West Coast trip. Heat play-by-play announcer Eric Reid pointed out that sometimes it's not the physical fatigue that gets to players on a long road trip, but the mental fatigue. That's a great point. Actually, you know who has talked about that for years? Memphis Grizzlies play-play guy Pete Pranica! He's put a lot of time and effort into studying the effects of travel-induced mental fatigue on player performance, he's got statistics and data and solid evidence of cause and effect, not just some vague-ish anecdotal notion that players get tired when they travel. That guy is a real pro, so dedicated to his craft...Let's change things up a little tonight and quickly talk about the Heat in #2, but talk about Phoenix in #3-5, since they are a pretty interesting group. In #6 we'll finally get to that long overdue review of the Spin Doctor's single "Jimmy Olson's Blues." It came in 1991 so, really, it's about time. Let it fly!
2) KJ James almost didn't play because he was sick. He looked a little under the weather last game against Denver, frankly, and tonight he looked even worse. He was a little slow, a little out of it, and he had to go to the locker room halfway through the first quarter with what may or may not have been diarrhea. M.Minutos pointed out that he wasn't hurrying to the locker room, but in a situation like that, if you hurry, then everyone knows why you are leaving. You have to play it cool. In any case, he played at a little slower pace than usual, but still made all the big plays down the stretch - finding Chalmers and Bosh with great passes for buckets, and then sealing the win with a spinning layup over Suns center Marcin Gortat to finish with 21 points. He's scored at least 20 in every game this season. That dude is a competitor and watching him night in and night out, you can see how much he loves playing basketball, it's like he's always at it, always respecting the game, always trying to play that one perfect game no matter what the circumstances. It's on a night like tonight that you realize how much this dude loves to ball - it's a meaningless game at the end of a long trip, he's sick, Dwyane is taking the night off, and he has every right not to go hard. But he always does. And I always expect him to play, I always expect him to play well, and he cares as much as anyone in this league (and with his talent, he doesn't have to). As much as I love Dwyane in a way I will never love KJ, I couldn't possibly respect KJ as a player, as a competitor, and, frankly, as a worker, any more. That dude puts in work, he's a machine. Bosh was great - 24 and 9 on 9-11. Should have touched the ball more in the second half. Battier made three first half triples and 4-8 overall, and Mike Mil-lar started for the still-resting Dwyane Wade and had 9 points, 5 rebounds, and 5 assists in only 24 minutes. What a luxury that kid is. Overall, a solid team win, a solid road trip, and we all let it fly, each and every one of us...Now let's talk about the Phoenix Suns, cuz they have some of our favorites!
3) First of all, Luis Scola. He's a pretty nice offensive player, he's tricky and all, but, goodness gracious is he an atrocious athlete. He set some kind of record for futility in athletic achievement in the first half when Almario Vernard Chalmers scooped up a loose ball on the defensive left wing and rocketed- okay, sprinted- okay, went at Mario Chalmers speed up the left wing. Scola was the only guy back, and had about a 20 foot lead on Chalmers, plus the angle since he was in the middle of the court, yet somehow Chalmers beat him to the rim by 15 feet for an uncontested layup. A few moments later, someone on Miami missed a short jumper and Scola leaped- okay, hopped- okay, kind of raised his arms up in the air for the rebound, and broken-backed Mike Mil-lar came flying in over the top of him and in one motion caught the ball and dropped it into the hoop. They basically didn't play Scola in the second half, since his main move is to okey doke dudes in the air and try to flip the ball into the basket under their armpits (which, admittedly, he is very good at), but the guy guarding him all night was Battier, who can't jump anyways, thus eliminating Scola's entire basketball arsenal. I remember some people saying two years ago that maybe the Heat would have been better off with Scola over Bosh in the free agent market. Ummm, oops.
4) Ohhhh, Mike Beasley. He really did play a pretty good first half. He scored 12 points, and had a bunch of rebounds. True, KJ didn't guard him at all, and had to leave at one point because he had diarrhea, but Mike was pretty good. He went to the rim and scored a couple of buckets, made a couple of jumpers, and I thought he really tried to get his teammates involved, although he did overpass it a little, at one point causing two three second violations in a row on his bigs because he didn't shoot open shots that they expected him to. But in the second half, it all went awry. KJ started playing a little harder, and Mike started doing that thing where he drives to the rim, but then tries to avoid contact and flip in shots from impossible angles. With 5 minutes to go, he had back-to-back brutal turnovers twenty-five feet from the hoop, one when Udonis Haslem just reached out and suddenly ripped the ball out of his hands, and the other when no one was within 10 feet of him and he inexplicably took two steps forwards without dribbling. Then, after Phoenix closed the gap to 2 with a couple of minutes to go, he had another bad turnover when he drove from the wing, elevated to pass, but Bosh saw it and stepped into the lane, and Beasley just hurled the ball into a crowd. Then he had another chance in transition to tie the game, pulled up for a wide open 12 footer, and saw it spin around and around and down and back out. Those are the things that happen to Mike Beasley. They just do. On the surface, the numbers weren't bad - 14 points and 8 rebounds - but he took 17 shots, and had 4 turnovers and 1 assist. Man, all I can do is continue to say it: he has certain talents. But overall, he's not that talented, he's just not. It isn't a lack of effort or a lack of focus - people love to pin those things on him. He's not big enough or explosive enough. Also, he has the bad juju. I love that boy, but, man, I don't know...
5) Okay, that was a little bit of a downer because Mike must feel embarrassed about his career - people expected him to be great, and he isn't. We all feel bad about that. So let's move on to a guy who is talented, and who does have the juju, and who is great: Jermaine O'Neal! JERMAINOOO!!! Predictably, Jermaino has missed most of this season, as the Heat players used to say, "on vacation." As in "Jermaino is on vacation right now." Eric Reid pointed out that Jermaino recently returned to the team, and that he was back doing what he loves. He is? Ohhh, I thought he loved being on vacation, my bad, I didn't realize he loved basketball! Eric also pointed out that Jermaino is 34 - it's always staggering to hear Jermaino's age, since he's been in the league since 1986. Only 34? Are you sure? Not 54? Another interesting Jermaino fact - before he played for the Heat, apparently he spent some time with the Pacers! I had no idea! I thought he was ours! In any case, he played great tonight, as always, he had 10 points and 6 rebounds in 24 minutes, and at a certain point Suns coach Alvin Gentry just decided that both his starting power guys, Scola and Gortat, weren't as good as Jermaino, and went with him most of the second half, which was the smart thing to do. Don't know why he isn't starting, frankly. This almost always happens when I'm watching Jermaino play: during one possession the Suns had the ball, and the next thing I knew, the Heat were inbounding it side out of bounds, and I said to M.Minutos, "what happened, how did we get the ball," and she's like, "what are you talking about, that pass went right through Dragic's hands out of bounds, what were you looking at," and I had to admit I was watching Jermaino battle for position with Chris Bosh down on the block (and what a battle it was!), and she was like, "oh, no - not again." Not as a big a fan of Jermaino as I am, honestly, and by "not as big a fan," I mean, "she thinks he's creepy, and hated having him on the Heat." Oh well, even M.Minutos isn't perfect - only Jermaino is! See you next season, boy!
6) Listen, on "Jimmy Olson's Blues," with essentially the Spin Doctors dude posing as Jimmy Olson, it may well be true that Lois Lane "don't need no Superman." I mean, you could argue it either way, that she does or doesn't, but I think we all agree that if she doesn't, it shouldn't necessarily be a "one-or-the-other" thing between Superman and the Spin Doctors dude. I mean, that's a long way down from Superman to that dude - I saw him live opening for the Rolling Stones one time and he was wearing skin tight peach pants (which, admittedly, I would wear - fair enough), and doing a lot of twirling half-cartwheels on stage while singing his crappy songs. I mean, there have to be a couple other options for her before she needs to settle for this guy, right? I mean, we are talking about Superman...
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Annnd, it's time for a little rest up in here! After a grueling road trip, the Heat only play 2 games in the next 11 days! Suh-weeeet! Also, inexplicably, only 2 road games in the next 38 days! Is that even possible? Vacation for everybody! The next game is Wednesday against, I think, Milwaukee. If you need me before then, I'll be doing my laundry - trying to get this kryptonite residue out of my pants is brutal. What do you think I should use for that? Shout? Try to Shout it out? You're right, that's probably the best bet. See you Wednesday, princes!
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1) The longest road trip of the season concluded with a solid win over a pretty bad, but lovable, Phoenix team. The road trip ends up 4-2 - you'll always take that for a West Coast trip. Heat play-by-play announcer Eric Reid pointed out that sometimes it's not the physical fatigue that gets to players on a long road trip, but the mental fatigue. That's a great point. Actually, you know who has talked about that for years? Memphis Grizzlies play-play guy Pete Pranica! He's put a lot of time and effort into studying the effects of travel-induced mental fatigue on player performance, he's got statistics and data and solid evidence of cause and effect, not just some vague-ish anecdotal notion that players get tired when they travel. That guy is a real pro, so dedicated to his craft...Let's change things up a little tonight and quickly talk about the Heat in #2, but talk about Phoenix in #3-5, since they are a pretty interesting group. In #6 we'll finally get to that long overdue review of the Spin Doctor's single "Jimmy Olson's Blues." It came in 1991 so, really, it's about time. Let it fly!
2) KJ James almost didn't play because he was sick. He looked a little under the weather last game against Denver, frankly, and tonight he looked even worse. He was a little slow, a little out of it, and he had to go to the locker room halfway through the first quarter with what may or may not have been diarrhea. M.Minutos pointed out that he wasn't hurrying to the locker room, but in a situation like that, if you hurry, then everyone knows why you are leaving. You have to play it cool. In any case, he played at a little slower pace than usual, but still made all the big plays down the stretch - finding Chalmers and Bosh with great passes for buckets, and then sealing the win with a spinning layup over Suns center Marcin Gortat to finish with 21 points. He's scored at least 20 in every game this season. That dude is a competitor and watching him night in and night out, you can see how much he loves playing basketball, it's like he's always at it, always respecting the game, always trying to play that one perfect game no matter what the circumstances. It's on a night like tonight that you realize how much this dude loves to ball - it's a meaningless game at the end of a long trip, he's sick, Dwyane is taking the night off, and he has every right not to go hard. But he always does. And I always expect him to play, I always expect him to play well, and he cares as much as anyone in this league (and with his talent, he doesn't have to). As much as I love Dwyane in a way I will never love KJ, I couldn't possibly respect KJ as a player, as a competitor, and, frankly, as a worker, any more. That dude puts in work, he's a machine. Bosh was great - 24 and 9 on 9-11. Should have touched the ball more in the second half. Battier made three first half triples and 4-8 overall, and Mike Mil-lar started for the still-resting Dwyane Wade and had 9 points, 5 rebounds, and 5 assists in only 24 minutes. What a luxury that kid is. Overall, a solid team win, a solid road trip, and we all let it fly, each and every one of us...Now let's talk about the Phoenix Suns, cuz they have some of our favorites!
3) First of all, Luis Scola. He's a pretty nice offensive player, he's tricky and all, but, goodness gracious is he an atrocious athlete. He set some kind of record for futility in athletic achievement in the first half when Almario Vernard Chalmers scooped up a loose ball on the defensive left wing and rocketed- okay, sprinted- okay, went at Mario Chalmers speed up the left wing. Scola was the only guy back, and had about a 20 foot lead on Chalmers, plus the angle since he was in the middle of the court, yet somehow Chalmers beat him to the rim by 15 feet for an uncontested layup. A few moments later, someone on Miami missed a short jumper and Scola leaped- okay, hopped- okay, kind of raised his arms up in the air for the rebound, and broken-backed Mike Mil-lar came flying in over the top of him and in one motion caught the ball and dropped it into the hoop. They basically didn't play Scola in the second half, since his main move is to okey doke dudes in the air and try to flip the ball into the basket under their armpits (which, admittedly, he is very good at), but the guy guarding him all night was Battier, who can't jump anyways, thus eliminating Scola's entire basketball arsenal. I remember some people saying two years ago that maybe the Heat would have been better off with Scola over Bosh in the free agent market. Ummm, oops.
4) Ohhhh, Mike Beasley. He really did play a pretty good first half. He scored 12 points, and had a bunch of rebounds. True, KJ didn't guard him at all, and had to leave at one point because he had diarrhea, but Mike was pretty good. He went to the rim and scored a couple of buckets, made a couple of jumpers, and I thought he really tried to get his teammates involved, although he did overpass it a little, at one point causing two three second violations in a row on his bigs because he didn't shoot open shots that they expected him to. But in the second half, it all went awry. KJ started playing a little harder, and Mike started doing that thing where he drives to the rim, but then tries to avoid contact and flip in shots from impossible angles. With 5 minutes to go, he had back-to-back brutal turnovers twenty-five feet from the hoop, one when Udonis Haslem just reached out and suddenly ripped the ball out of his hands, and the other when no one was within 10 feet of him and he inexplicably took two steps forwards without dribbling. Then, after Phoenix closed the gap to 2 with a couple of minutes to go, he had another bad turnover when he drove from the wing, elevated to pass, but Bosh saw it and stepped into the lane, and Beasley just hurled the ball into a crowd. Then he had another chance in transition to tie the game, pulled up for a wide open 12 footer, and saw it spin around and around and down and back out. Those are the things that happen to Mike Beasley. They just do. On the surface, the numbers weren't bad - 14 points and 8 rebounds - but he took 17 shots, and had 4 turnovers and 1 assist. Man, all I can do is continue to say it: he has certain talents. But overall, he's not that talented, he's just not. It isn't a lack of effort or a lack of focus - people love to pin those things on him. He's not big enough or explosive enough. Also, he has the bad juju. I love that boy, but, man, I don't know...
5) Okay, that was a little bit of a downer because Mike must feel embarrassed about his career - people expected him to be great, and he isn't. We all feel bad about that. So let's move on to a guy who is talented, and who does have the juju, and who is great: Jermaine O'Neal! JERMAINOOO!!! Predictably, Jermaino has missed most of this season, as the Heat players used to say, "on vacation." As in "Jermaino is on vacation right now." Eric Reid pointed out that Jermaino recently returned to the team, and that he was back doing what he loves. He is? Ohhh, I thought he loved being on vacation, my bad, I didn't realize he loved basketball! Eric also pointed out that Jermaino is 34 - it's always staggering to hear Jermaino's age, since he's been in the league since 1986. Only 34? Are you sure? Not 54? Another interesting Jermaino fact - before he played for the Heat, apparently he spent some time with the Pacers! I had no idea! I thought he was ours! In any case, he played great tonight, as always, he had 10 points and 6 rebounds in 24 minutes, and at a certain point Suns coach Alvin Gentry just decided that both his starting power guys, Scola and Gortat, weren't as good as Jermaino, and went with him most of the second half, which was the smart thing to do. Don't know why he isn't starting, frankly. This almost always happens when I'm watching Jermaino play: during one possession the Suns had the ball, and the next thing I knew, the Heat were inbounding it side out of bounds, and I said to M.Minutos, "what happened, how did we get the ball," and she's like, "what are you talking about, that pass went right through Dragic's hands out of bounds, what were you looking at," and I had to admit I was watching Jermaino battle for position with Chris Bosh down on the block (and what a battle it was!), and she was like, "oh, no - not again." Not as a big a fan of Jermaino as I am, honestly, and by "not as big a fan," I mean, "she thinks he's creepy, and hated having him on the Heat." Oh well, even M.Minutos isn't perfect - only Jermaino is! See you next season, boy!
6) Listen, on "Jimmy Olson's Blues," with essentially the Spin Doctors dude posing as Jimmy Olson, it may well be true that Lois Lane "don't need no Superman." I mean, you could argue it either way, that she does or doesn't, but I think we all agree that if she doesn't, it shouldn't necessarily be a "one-or-the-other" thing between Superman and the Spin Doctors dude. I mean, that's a long way down from Superman to that dude - I saw him live opening for the Rolling Stones one time and he was wearing skin tight peach pants (which, admittedly, I would wear - fair enough), and doing a lot of twirling half-cartwheels on stage while singing his crappy songs. I mean, there have to be a couple other options for her before she needs to settle for this guy, right? I mean, we are talking about Superman...
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Annnd, it's time for a little rest up in here! After a grueling road trip, the Heat only play 2 games in the next 11 days! Suh-weeeet! Also, inexplicably, only 2 road games in the next 38 days! Is that even possible? Vacation for everybody! The next game is Wednesday against, I think, Milwaukee. If you need me before then, I'll be doing my laundry - trying to get this kryptonite residue out of my pants is brutal. What do you think I should use for that? Shout? Try to Shout it out? You're right, that's probably the best bet. See you Wednesday, princes!
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Thursday, November 15, 2012
Heat 98 Nuggets 93
6 Thoughts
1) "Okay, guys - last week we lost to the Heat in Miami when, on the last play of the game, we left Ray Allen open in the corner, KJ James found him with a pass, and Corey Brewer ran into Allen 3 seconds after he drained a triple for a four point play. I think we've got this one - we've cut a 19 point lead down to 1, and their most clutch shooter, Mario 'Emcee' Chalmers, is out with a bruised triceps, which their play-by-play guy, Eric Reid, misdiagnosed as a bruised biceps. Just as a side note, guys, Memphis Grizzlies play-by-play announcer Pete Pranica never would make a mistake like that. Anyways, we've got all the momentum, and there's only 50 seconds left. All we have to do is crowd KJ James, and make him give the ball up on a 35 foot diagonal pass to Norris Cole spotting up in the left corner for 3. He's been forced to play the whole second half because of Chalmers' injury, he's been terrible, and there is absolutely no way - I repeat, absolutely NO WAY - he rises up and drops a triple to end our night. Don't even guard him - even when he catches it, don't even run at him! We got this! Ready? Nuggets on 3 - 1, 2, 3: Nuggets!................Uh-oh..."
2) Best win of the season for Miami. Second night of a back-to-back, traveling backwards a time zone, Dwyane Wade out for preventative maint- ummm, I mean, a sprained ankle, at altitude, against a good team - it is a game nobody wins, every player on every team looks at this game on the schedule and knows it is a loss. Except you know who doesn't look at this game on the schedule and know it's a loss? Shane Battier! You know why? He doesn't even read the schedule, he's too busy reading books - NERD! Annnndddd, he was awesome tonight! He took 7 shots, all of them threes, and made 6! He blocked 2 shots, and drew 3 huge offensive fouls. His triple from the high left wing off a random broken-play pass from KJ when the Heat was struggling to score was the biggest shot of the game. After the game, Jax asked him how it felt taking those charges, and Battier told him that he was too old for that stuff, that he would enjoy his day off in Phoenix tomorrow, and not to worry because, "I'll put on my full body compression suit for the flight and nerd out reading 'Soccernomics,' a book about statistical analysis in international football."
3) KJ James took a beating tonight, he kept kept getting hit in the head. Constantine Kostas (or whatever) got him, then JaVale McGee got him (JaGee McVale), then Kenneth Faried got him a couple of times, then Corey Brewer hit him up high with an intentional forearm. Yet, he shot only 6 free throws, and 2 were end-of-the-game intentional foul free throws. It was a super-odd night of officiating, and KJ was mad all night long, and he is rarely mad. He was maddest of all with 1:30 to go and the Heat clinging to a lead, when he tried to throw a pocket bounce pass down the lane to a cutting Chris Bosh, and from behind Andre Miller kicked and half-volleyed the pass to another Nugget and they went down and dunked it to cut the lead to 1. Hard to believe none of the 3 refs saw that - super-great kick by Miller, though, not easy to control a bouncing ball with your foot like that. In any case, KJ James was his usual great self - he scored 27 points, 7 rebounds, 3 blocks, including a key rejection of the very annoying Kenneth Faried (it's a long season, kid, calm the heck down). Most of all, though, with Wade out, he controlled the ball, got the floor spaced correctly, and fired lasers to shooters - 13 assists, most of them for triples, including the big one to Cole, several of Battier's 6, and most of Mike Mil-lar's 4 (4-8 for Mil-lar, starting in place of Wade). Miami made 13-27 threes - KJ is so good at seeing the right pass, and then has the size and strength and athleticism to deliver it. So good. So, so good.
4) Big jinx matchup tonight: the reverse jinx versus the three point jinx. I correctly identified that, statistically-speaking, very few teams win a game thusly scheduled in Denver. You could look it up, that's absolutely true, but it's also absolutely true that I mentioned it in last night's blog totally believing in my ability to reverse-jinx us to a win. GFOB (Great Friend of the Blog) Snets recognized it, and called me on it via email - I saw it at halftime, when we were up by 12, I laughed, and then told him, "we have no shot!" Seems like a no brainer, right? Seems like that's going to work every time. Except, don't forget the absolutely brutal three point jinx Miami has working against it this season, in which guys who are absolutely the worst shooters in captivity turn into, well, Ray Allen against us. Tonight in the second quarter Denver inserted little used Jordan Hamilton into the game. How little used was Jordan Hamilton before tonight's game? Well, he hadn't made a three pointer all season. And so, of course, instantly, he dropped in three straight bombs. Why wouldn't he? Late in the game, perhaps the worst three point shooter in the NBA, Andre Miller, made two end-of-the-shot-clock, flat-footed, shoulder-sling swishes from deep which looked like would be enough to sink the Heat. Except it wasn't enough, it couldn't overcome the original reverse jinx! Oops - I did it again! You're welcome, Heat fans!
5) Ummm - duhhhh!
Congrats to Mario Chalmers on being named People Magazine’s “Sexiest Man from Alaska” in their “United States of Sexy” segment of the annual Sexiest Man Alive Edition. That’s a lot of sexy in one sentence. The 26 year old member of the Miami Heat helped the team win the 2012 NBA Championship this year and is originally from Anchorage, Alaska.
6) A Sort-of Word That Seems Kind of Harmless In General, But Which Girls, Ummm, Women, Don't Like When It Is Used to Describe Them: Turnstile-y
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Well, we have a night off tomorrow, and Saturday's game against Phoenix starts a little earlier, at 9am. Thank goodness. This is the Heat's longest road trip of the season, 6 games in 9 nights, and I'm already exhausted. Not too sure how the players feel about it - ask Shane Battier, he seems to know everything. If you need me before Saturday, look for me out in the Everglades, I'm going out there Saturday morning with The Captain on his schooner The Tiramisu. See you Saturday night, Alaskans!
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1) "Okay, guys - last week we lost to the Heat in Miami when, on the last play of the game, we left Ray Allen open in the corner, KJ James found him with a pass, and Corey Brewer ran into Allen 3 seconds after he drained a triple for a four point play. I think we've got this one - we've cut a 19 point lead down to 1, and their most clutch shooter, Mario 'Emcee' Chalmers, is out with a bruised triceps, which their play-by-play guy, Eric Reid, misdiagnosed as a bruised biceps. Just as a side note, guys, Memphis Grizzlies play-by-play announcer Pete Pranica never would make a mistake like that. Anyways, we've got all the momentum, and there's only 50 seconds left. All we have to do is crowd KJ James, and make him give the ball up on a 35 foot diagonal pass to Norris Cole spotting up in the left corner for 3. He's been forced to play the whole second half because of Chalmers' injury, he's been terrible, and there is absolutely no way - I repeat, absolutely NO WAY - he rises up and drops a triple to end our night. Don't even guard him - even when he catches it, don't even run at him! We got this! Ready? Nuggets on 3 - 1, 2, 3: Nuggets!................Uh-oh..."
2) Best win of the season for Miami. Second night of a back-to-back, traveling backwards a time zone, Dwyane Wade out for preventative maint- ummm, I mean, a sprained ankle, at altitude, against a good team - it is a game nobody wins, every player on every team looks at this game on the schedule and knows it is a loss. Except you know who doesn't look at this game on the schedule and know it's a loss? Shane Battier! You know why? He doesn't even read the schedule, he's too busy reading books - NERD! Annnndddd, he was awesome tonight! He took 7 shots, all of them threes, and made 6! He blocked 2 shots, and drew 3 huge offensive fouls. His triple from the high left wing off a random broken-play pass from KJ when the Heat was struggling to score was the biggest shot of the game. After the game, Jax asked him how it felt taking those charges, and Battier told him that he was too old for that stuff, that he would enjoy his day off in Phoenix tomorrow, and not to worry because, "I'll put on my full body compression suit for the flight and nerd out reading 'Soccernomics,' a book about statistical analysis in international football."
3) KJ James took a beating tonight, he kept kept getting hit in the head. Constantine Kostas (or whatever) got him, then JaVale McGee got him (JaGee McVale), then Kenneth Faried got him a couple of times, then Corey Brewer hit him up high with an intentional forearm. Yet, he shot only 6 free throws, and 2 were end-of-the-game intentional foul free throws. It was a super-odd night of officiating, and KJ was mad all night long, and he is rarely mad. He was maddest of all with 1:30 to go and the Heat clinging to a lead, when he tried to throw a pocket bounce pass down the lane to a cutting Chris Bosh, and from behind Andre Miller kicked and half-volleyed the pass to another Nugget and they went down and dunked it to cut the lead to 1. Hard to believe none of the 3 refs saw that - super-great kick by Miller, though, not easy to control a bouncing ball with your foot like that. In any case, KJ James was his usual great self - he scored 27 points, 7 rebounds, 3 blocks, including a key rejection of the very annoying Kenneth Faried (it's a long season, kid, calm the heck down). Most of all, though, with Wade out, he controlled the ball, got the floor spaced correctly, and fired lasers to shooters - 13 assists, most of them for triples, including the big one to Cole, several of Battier's 6, and most of Mike Mil-lar's 4 (4-8 for Mil-lar, starting in place of Wade). Miami made 13-27 threes - KJ is so good at seeing the right pass, and then has the size and strength and athleticism to deliver it. So good. So, so good.
4) Big jinx matchup tonight: the reverse jinx versus the three point jinx. I correctly identified that, statistically-speaking, very few teams win a game thusly scheduled in Denver. You could look it up, that's absolutely true, but it's also absolutely true that I mentioned it in last night's blog totally believing in my ability to reverse-jinx us to a win. GFOB (Great Friend of the Blog) Snets recognized it, and called me on it via email - I saw it at halftime, when we were up by 12, I laughed, and then told him, "we have no shot!" Seems like a no brainer, right? Seems like that's going to work every time. Except, don't forget the absolutely brutal three point jinx Miami has working against it this season, in which guys who are absolutely the worst shooters in captivity turn into, well, Ray Allen against us. Tonight in the second quarter Denver inserted little used Jordan Hamilton into the game. How little used was Jordan Hamilton before tonight's game? Well, he hadn't made a three pointer all season. And so, of course, instantly, he dropped in three straight bombs. Why wouldn't he? Late in the game, perhaps the worst three point shooter in the NBA, Andre Miller, made two end-of-the-shot-clock, flat-footed, shoulder-sling swishes from deep which looked like would be enough to sink the Heat. Except it wasn't enough, it couldn't overcome the original reverse jinx! Oops - I did it again! You're welcome, Heat fans!
5) Ummm - duhhhh!
Mario Chalmers is Voted “Sexiest Man from Alaska”
15NovCongrats to Mario Chalmers on being named People Magazine’s “Sexiest Man from Alaska” in their “United States of Sexy” segment of the annual Sexiest Man Alive Edition. That’s a lot of sexy in one sentence. The 26 year old member of the Miami Heat helped the team win the 2012 NBA Championship this year and is originally from Anchorage, Alaska.
6) A Sort-of Word That Seems Kind of Harmless In General, But Which Girls, Ummm, Women, Don't Like When It Is Used to Describe Them: Turnstile-y
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Well, we have a night off tomorrow, and Saturday's game against Phoenix starts a little earlier, at 9am. Thank goodness. This is the Heat's longest road trip of the season, 6 games in 9 nights, and I'm already exhausted. Not too sure how the players feel about it - ask Shane Battier, he seems to know everything. If you need me before Saturday, look for me out in the Everglades, I'm going out there Saturday morning with The Captain on his schooner The Tiramisu. See you Saturday night, Alaskans!
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Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Clippers 107 Heat 100
6 Thoughts
1) That was brutal. I don't mean the loss, that's acceptable to a certain degree - third game in four nights on the road against a good team. That's going to happen. I mean the 10:30pm start time. It's 1:30am now and I'm just getting started. Time zones suck. Let's just get through this and go to bed shall we okay good let's go let's get it on let it fly.
2) In all three games Miami has lost this year, they have been absolutely plastered from the three point line. The Clippers made 10-21 tonight, several of them as they were pulling away in the third quarter. Some of this makes sense. Miami plays small, so their wings have to be help-conscious in the paint. In the playoffs, with everyone on maximum hustle, rotations back out to shooters are quicker - you can't expect that 82 games a season. But some of it just seems like bad luck. Chris Paul made two end-of-the-shot-clock triples from a combined 55 feet. Willie Green, a bad shooter to begin with, knocked down two contested threes in a row. Even in the second quarter, Caron Butler, another bad three point shooter (but from the University of Connecticut, and therefore a Dos Minutos fave), made 3 threes - two of those extremely bad, well-defended threes. What the hell? Can someone miss a shot against us, please?
3) The starting backcourt of Dwyane Wade and Almario Vernard Chalmers combined to shoot 4-15 for 11 points, with 9 assists and 8 turnovers. That's not exactly, you know, good. Wade tweaked his ankle in Houston Monday, but seemed to be moving fairly fluidly. He simply had one of those nights where he seemed to shoot the ball while running, rather than coming under control, being balanced, and taking a quality shot. For his part, Mario Chalmers kept falling down - he really spent an impressive amount of time on the deck tonight. Not saying that affected his shooting at all, just noting his lack of balance.
4) Chris Paul and Blake Griffin have to be the least likable pick-and-roll duo on earth. One is a 6 foot tall smirking jackass who delivers an inordinate number of cheap shots during a game, and the other is a 6 foot 9 inch tall smirking jackass who delivers an inordinate number of cheap shots during a game. Not even the most die hard Clipper fan would attempt to make an argument that either one of these guys is even remotely likable. Outside of everyone currently associated with the Celtics organization, and Russell Westbrook, they are probably the two least likable players in the NBA. My favorite play of the night was when Griffin set a high screen for Paul, Paul decided to try to split the double team, but instead smashed straight into Griffin, which knocked the ball loose and sent the Heat on a fastbreak, after which Paul wheeled around and yelled at Griffin, as though Griffin were the one who had just mindlessly dribbled the ball directly into a teammate's hip bone. Tough to choose a side in that argument - there are no winners in that situation. Second favorite play of the night: when Griffin had an uncontested dunk and stuffed himself on the front of the rim. Third favorite play of the night: the final buzzer to end the game.
5) Why Old Dudes Should Not Use Twitter, and Specifically Not Heat Color Commentator Tony Fiorentino, Episode II:
@jbeef3 I have an early day tomorrow... Any chance u can get the game started earlier tonight? U got pull?
Tony Fiorentino@TonyHEAT2xWC
I'm really starting to think that Tony might not understand, you know, jokes.
6) We all been through a lot, but we can still enjoy a light lunch together.
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It's 2 am, I'm going to bed. We have another 10:30 pm start tomorrow in Denver. That's insane. The chances of winning that game are approximately zero percent. I saw a statistic last year for teams playing the second night of a back-to-back in Denver coming from the West Coast the last few seasons - their record is something ridiculously bad, like 6 wins and 290 losses. Can someone with a computer look that up and email that to me? Nights like tonight and tomorrow are when I truly, truly hate the blog...If you need me before tomorrow, I'll be sleeping, waking up angsty, but enjoying a light lunch on the early side of noon. See you tomorrow night, you smirking beauties...
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1) That was brutal. I don't mean the loss, that's acceptable to a certain degree - third game in four nights on the road against a good team. That's going to happen. I mean the 10:30pm start time. It's 1:30am now and I'm just getting started. Time zones suck. Let's just get through this and go to bed shall we okay good let's go let's get it on let it fly.
2) In all three games Miami has lost this year, they have been absolutely plastered from the three point line. The Clippers made 10-21 tonight, several of them as they were pulling away in the third quarter. Some of this makes sense. Miami plays small, so their wings have to be help-conscious in the paint. In the playoffs, with everyone on maximum hustle, rotations back out to shooters are quicker - you can't expect that 82 games a season. But some of it just seems like bad luck. Chris Paul made two end-of-the-shot-clock triples from a combined 55 feet. Willie Green, a bad shooter to begin with, knocked down two contested threes in a row. Even in the second quarter, Caron Butler, another bad three point shooter (but from the University of Connecticut, and therefore a Dos Minutos fave), made 3 threes - two of those extremely bad, well-defended threes. What the hell? Can someone miss a shot against us, please?
3) The starting backcourt of Dwyane Wade and Almario Vernard Chalmers combined to shoot 4-15 for 11 points, with 9 assists and 8 turnovers. That's not exactly, you know, good. Wade tweaked his ankle in Houston Monday, but seemed to be moving fairly fluidly. He simply had one of those nights where he seemed to shoot the ball while running, rather than coming under control, being balanced, and taking a quality shot. For his part, Mario Chalmers kept falling down - he really spent an impressive amount of time on the deck tonight. Not saying that affected his shooting at all, just noting his lack of balance.
4) Chris Paul and Blake Griffin have to be the least likable pick-and-roll duo on earth. One is a 6 foot tall smirking jackass who delivers an inordinate number of cheap shots during a game, and the other is a 6 foot 9 inch tall smirking jackass who delivers an inordinate number of cheap shots during a game. Not even the most die hard Clipper fan would attempt to make an argument that either one of these guys is even remotely likable. Outside of everyone currently associated with the Celtics organization, and Russell Westbrook, they are probably the two least likable players in the NBA. My favorite play of the night was when Griffin set a high screen for Paul, Paul decided to try to split the double team, but instead smashed straight into Griffin, which knocked the ball loose and sent the Heat on a fastbreak, after which Paul wheeled around and yelled at Griffin, as though Griffin were the one who had just mindlessly dribbled the ball directly into a teammate's hip bone. Tough to choose a side in that argument - there are no winners in that situation. Second favorite play of the night: when Griffin had an uncontested dunk and stuffed himself on the front of the rim. Third favorite play of the night: the final buzzer to end the game.
5) Why Old Dudes Should Not Use Twitter, and Specifically Not Heat Color Commentator Tony Fiorentino, Episode II:
Tony Fiorentino
Ask the NBA
I'm really starting to think that Tony might not understand, you know, jokes.
6) We all been through a lot, but we can still enjoy a light lunch together.
-----
It's 2 am, I'm going to bed. We have another 10:30 pm start tomorrow in Denver. That's insane. The chances of winning that game are approximately zero percent. I saw a statistic last year for teams playing the second night of a back-to-back in Denver coming from the West Coast the last few seasons - their record is something ridiculously bad, like 6 wins and 290 losses. Can someone with a computer look that up and email that to me? Nights like tonight and tomorrow are when I truly, truly hate the blog...If you need me before tomorrow, I'll be sleeping, waking up angsty, but enjoying a light lunch on the early side of noon. See you tomorrow night, you smirking beauties...
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