1) The Heat blew out of the gate to an early 18 point lead, then sleepwalked through two and a half quarters and found themselves down 7 with 5 minutes to go, whereupon KJ James proceeded to make about 15 plays in a row down the stretch so the Heat could win. The end. Let's roll through this and then hit our holiday break. Let it fly...
2) For some reason, Miami struggles against Milwaukee more than any other team. It's hard to tell what it is - before late last season, you would have guessed that the Heat were just bored to death against the Bucks, but the Bucks acquired Monta Ellis to pair with Brandon Jennings in the backcourt, and they push the ball up the court pretty hard now, which should play right into the Heat's hands (and did early). But the Heat, just like last season, ground to a halt in the middle of the game, and the Bucks caught them. With the Heat down 7 and 5 minutes to go, and this looking like a disappointing loss, KJ: made a triple from the top; drove and made a layup; drove and found a sharply cutting Dwyane Wade (28 points in his first game back) for a layup; drove-and-spat to Walter Ray Allen (3-5 on threes) in the corner for a triple to put the Heat up 3, all the while guarding Bucks' point guard Jennings on the defensive end, stifling their offense at the point of attack. After the Bucks slipped back ahead, KJ's offensive rebound and putback (while, as always, getting shoved with no foul - he gets less respect than any player in the league, refs expect him to finish through contact) tied the game and sent it to overtime. In the overtime, he and Wade combined for a few quick buckets, then salted the game away up 6, when KJ screened for a cutting Wade off the ball on a backdoor, Bosh threw an alley oop to Wade which crashed off the backboard back into the lane, where it was rebounded by an alert KJ, who immediately rifled a pass to the far corner to a camped out Ray Allen. Money ball, plus 9, ballgame! That guy is pretty good! Oh yeah, here's LeBron's cousin, "WhiteBron:"
3) Let's check in on the dual three point jinxes we have going on. First is the "Reverse Visiting Team Three Point Jinx" (we need a better name), the phenomenon where absolute stiffs from other teams start raining threes on our heads like Hurricane Sandy. Annnnd, tonight that was in full-effect, I think we actually reached some kind of nadir when Bucks center, Samuel Dalembert (an Eric Reid favorite - Grizzlies announcer Pete Pranica thinks Dalembert is overrated, by the way), who has played over 700 NBA games and never made a three pointer, as in never, not even one, dropped in a bomb from the top of the circle to end the first half and cut what was once an 18 point Heat lead to 2. Why wouldn't he do that? That was exciting. I like to call the other jinx "The Reverse Bosh." I predicted Bosh would make more than 50 triples this season, but thus far, through 11 games, he'd made 1. AND TONIGHT HE MADE ANOTHER ONE - THAT'S TWO, HERE WE GO, BABY! LET IT FLY!!! Bosh was great tonight. 24 points on 9-14 from the floor, with 18 rebounds. He only scored every time he touched the ball. You know what Bosh does for a living these days? Takes dudes apart...
4) With his second rebound of the game tonight, Udonis Haslem passed Alonzo Mourning to become Miami's all-time leading rebounder. Love UD - he's my all-time favorite basketball player. He gave an embarrassed little wave to the crowd's standing ovation, which is indicative of what I love about him: he doesn't care much about the attention, he's all about the business. Since Dwyane Wade is my second favorite player of all-time, and Walter Ray Allen is my third (he never plays for Boston, he's likely #1), this season is like a dream come true. Except for the part where Udonis Haslem can't catch a basketball anymore. Damn, UD...I understand your legs are gone, so you can't make a jumper or finish at the rim anymore - 1-5 from the floor tonight, which is all too typical. I can accept that, it's frustrating, and a little embarrassing, but okay, I understand. But why can't you catch the ball? You keep screening and rolling to the rim, and because Dwyane and KJ are so unselfish, and always make the correct pass, they always hit you when you are open, but the ball hits your elbows, or off your eyeballs, or caroms off your hamstring - anywhere but secured in the hands...It's really tough to watch. A couple of offseasons ago, when UD was a free agent, I said I'd rather lose every game with him on the team, than win every game without him. And I still feel that way. But it doesn't mean he has to actually, like, be in the games - he could just watch from the bench and high five dudes during timeouts, I'd be totally cool with that. Dag, mannn...
5) Okay, okay, OKAY: Hot Seconds With Jax is BACK!!! (Sidenote: Why is the halftime segment where Jax interviews members of the Heat media, who are all a little boring except Joey Goodman from the Herald, also called Hot Seconds with Jax? That's ridiculous - that isn't Hot Seconds with Jax, that's just ripped-off Around the Horn from ESPN. Why do two totally different segments have the same name? Jax - why? Pete Pranica would never allow this.). This is the halftime game show where Jax asks players trivia questions, and then we tally up the scores and see who the smartest dude on the team is. Usually that is Mario "Emcee" Chalmers, obviously, but last year it was KJ James. As I've pointed out many, many times in this blog, I am stunned when KJ knows anything - he seems like a basketball machine to me, and wouldn't concern himself with anything else. I was stunned when he rode his bicycle to the arena one game last year. Not only was I surprised he knew how to get from his house to The Trip, I was impressed that he knew how to ride a bike...But he blew everyone away last year in Hot Seconds, and M.Minutos has predicted him to repeat his title. I'm going with Walter Ray Allen. When playing for the University of Connecticut, he once claimed that every day he wrote down ten questions he didn't know the answer to, and tried to learn the answer by the end of the day (and that's pre-internet!). That's a lot of knowledge right there. He also holds the current record for a Heat player for the number of times correctly using the word "bevy" in an interview: once, opening night, when he said he had a "bevy of emotions" going against his old teammates on the Celtics (and by "bevy of emotions," he meant he "couldn't be happier to be away from Rondo and Garnett because those were the worst five years of my life"). Annnd, Ray was up first tonight, and he did well, posting a 9 out of 10. He knew the college that recruited him in the movie he starred in, "He Got Game," (Big State), and he knew the University of Connecticut's all-time leading scorer (Chris Smith - Ray left after 3 years, otherwise it would be him), but he could only name four out of the top five three point shooters in NBA history (got himself, Reggie Miller, Jason Kidd, and Chauncey Billups, didn't get Jason Terry). That's a 9 out of 10 - we'll see if it stands up. By the way, odd stylistic choice in which Jax seemed to overdub his audio on a cell phone, but somehow it just made the game seem more exciting. So, so, sooo good!
6) Let's talk about an important misconception some people may have, and especially some people who work at Dos Minutos International Headquarters: cats can not get cancer. We had a heated debate about this a couple of weeks ago, and it's ridiculous - obviously a cat can't get cancer. I recognize that a veterinarian will tell you a cat can get cancer, I'm not denying that, but that's not legit, that's a business move from the vet, he's just trying to rake you for cash. What are you, some kind of blue-state pie-in-the-sky liberal who wants to treat a 15 pound rodent for imaginary cancer? Do you believe everything that the New York Times says? Rubes…Anyways, The Captain was like, "of course a cat can get cancer - any mammal can get cancer." First of all, that's a great point. All these decades, all these billions and billions of dollars we have spent trying to determine the cause of cancer, and all along The Captain knew the cause: being a mammal. Wish he would have just let us know that, would have saved us a ton of time and money and, you know, death. "I was raising my hand in class that day, but they didn't call on me," he explained.
Second of all, a cat isn't a real mammal, it is too small, they are mostly bones and sinew. A dog, yes, certain dogs can get cancer, because dogs are far more substantial than cats, especially bigger dogs, like labradors or a collie. A smaller dog like a Chihuahua can't get cancer - very similar to a cat. The Captain wanted to know if a hippo could get cancer, but of course they can't, they aren't domestic. Uh, duhhh....
You know who would never treat a cat for cancer? Milt Romney. Oh, "Mitt," whatever. He's no dope, at the first sign of trouble from the cat he'd leave it on the side of the highway, like anyone should…The end.
-----
Thanksgiving tomorrow. I've been accused of being the kind of person who doesn't really care whether other people have a Happy Thanksgiving or not, so I won't even go through the charade of wishing you one. Just know that the accusation would hurt my feelings, though, if I actually had any. We're back at this Saturday, against Dan Gilbert's Cleveland Cavaliers. I definitely don't wish him a Happy Thanksgiving! If you need me before then, I'll be cleaning up the kitchen while listening to Dre Day! See you Saturday, Gangstas!
-----
