Heat 92 Warriors 75

6 Thoughts

1) When Miami comes with its full squad ready to play hard defensively, it's a whole different level.  KJ James and Dwyane Wade got after it defensively from the jump in Oakland, and never let up - Miami forced 21 Golden State turnovers, blocked 5 shots, had 11 steals, and held the Warriors to 36% from the floor.  No other team can wreak end-to-end havoc like Miami.  Tonight, they struggled shooting the ball, and still blew out a good team in its own building: ground to a 14 point halftime lead, and when the shooting momentarily kicked in on the first two possessions of the second half (back-to-back Emcee Chalmers triples), the Heat led by 20, and this game was over.  They eventually stretched it out to 35 before calling off the dogs.  There's been a lot of drama over the last couple of days, and somehow everyone forgets how high this team's top gear is - last year's Finals showed no one else is at that level.  Some year, the playoffs are going to roll around and Miami isn't going to be able to hit that top gear anymore - it happens to everyone.  Maybe it will be this year.  But let's let that happen before we all bury them, shall we?  Come on, let it fly!

2) KJ James (25 points, 7 boards, 10 assists) set three milestones tonight: one, reached 5,000 assists.  Two, became the youngest player to score 20,000 points.  Three, became the first  player in basketball history to absorb two flagrant fouls in the same season from the usually physically-indifferent David Lee.  Late in the second quarter, Lee, who received a flagrant a few weeks ago in Miami for his double-karate chop on a KJ drive to the rim, responded to KJ's 20,000th point by trotting down next to him to the Warriors offensive end, then three steps before the three point line he suddenly wheeled and double-forearmed KJ in the chest, putting him on his back.  One of the most bizarre plays of the season.  Referee Danny Crawford immediately jumped in and called a flagrant foul as KJ looked on in wonderment - he has a slow, slow fuse.  David Lee is super-lucky he didn't double-forearm Dwyane Wade, because he'd be sluicing for his teeth in the San Francisco Bay right now if he had tried Dwyane like that.  After watching the replay 8 times, I was sure the refs, who were also reviewing it, would eject Lee.  Yet, somehow, no, they watched it and determined it was just a regular foul.  As always, welcome to KJ's world.  If that's any other player in the league who takes that hit, it's an automatic ejection.  First half ended with him clearing out the the top, going left, taking a hard bodycheck from Richard Jefferson (haaa - Richard Jefferson!), and draining a jumper, then turning and looking at the ref while shaking his head.  Any other player in the league gets that call.  Still don't get the reason for the double-standard.

3) Miami has signed big man Jarvis Varnado to a 10 day contract.  Think today was like day 6: tick-tock, Jarvis, tick-tock.  Still, Jarvis brings something sorely missed ever since Ronny Turiaf decided to sign with the Clippers over the summer: a great bench celebrator!  When Udonis Haslem thunder-tip-slammed a KJ missed first quarter runner like it was 2006, the Heat bench exploded to its feet.  Varnado, strategically positioned right in the center of the reserves, got a step ahead of the other guys and thrust his long arms out wide in the classic "hold-u-all-back" pose.  So good.  We've needed that.  However, moments later, when KJ hit a long triple, Varnado got up and did it again.  Uh-oh, he might be going too far: Jarvis Varnado might be a "habitual holdbacker."  Bears watching.  Wait a second - is his name Justin or Jarvis?  Jarvis?  Okay, good, I got it right.  Let's move on.

4) Well, as readers of this blog know, all season long we've been talking about how much we love Memphis Grizzlies play-by-play announcer Pete Pranica.  This started early in the season during a Heat loss to Memphis, when Heat play-by-player (and big FAU hoops fan) Eric Reid spent much of the game praising the work of Grizzly point guard Mike Conley.  If our announcer is going to rep their point guard, it only seemed fair for this blog to rep their play-by-play guy - and, by the way, it's well-deserved, Pete Pranica is the best: comes prepared, he's quick off the cuff, and knows the history of the league inside and out.  I mean, I would assume - never actually heard him do a game, or anything.  Anyways, during tonight's broadcast, Heat host Jason Jackson was grumbling away on Twitter about his job traveling first-class around the country and reporting on KJ James and Dwyane Wade's basketball games - while he was grinding away at this nightmare, apparently a Warrior employee stepped into his light, or something.  AND WHO CAME TO HIS RESCUE ON TWITTER?  MEMPHIS GRIZZLIES ANNOUNCER PETE PRANICA, THAT'S WHO!!!

 Pete Pranica‏  RT @TheJaxShow our sideline reporter has had similar issues in that arena. 

Look at how he got right to the heart of the issue with so few words, yet still managed to convey a level of sympathy that I didn't even approach in my recounting of Jax' dire situation.  That's why he's Pete Pranica, man.  The best...

5) Film review: "RoboBosh" - After being benched in the fourth quarter of a game in which he got abused on the boards by Andrea Bargniani, Pat Riley rebuilds Chris' confidence through a personality-reprogramming process, and Chris goes on a two month rebounding tear which sees him vault to the top of the league leaders.  However, on the eve of the playoffs, Chris' body, and more importantly his spirit, are utterly crushed when evil Tyson Chandler flagrant 2's him on an otherwise innocuous second quarter drive to the basket.  The Heat do not repeat as champions, and Chris is traded in the offseason to Atlanta for Al Horford, but he learns a valuable lesson along the way, which is basically that Tyson Chandler takes his fouling over the line at times.  #Boshography   


6) Omg, omg, okay, okay, okay - I admit it.  It might not actually have been Conrad Bain (aka Mr. Drummond) whom I, M.Minutos, Great Friend of the Blog Plumber, and Mrs.Plumber saw at Fish Bar in Jamestown, Rhode Island this summer.  But if it wasn't him, it was clearly a hoax - that dude was definitely trying to convince us that he was Mr. Drummond.  I'm clearly the victim here, and I only kept perpetuating the lie that I had met him because I was embarrassed that I got fooled, and because I had a couple - okay, several - cucumber martinis that evening.  In any case, the real Mr. D died today, and I'll miss him.  He'll always be in my heart, but more importantly, in my desk at Dos Minutos International Headquarters, because a week after I was Teo'd by that impostor, GFOB Plumber went online, purchased an autographed Conrad Bain photo on EBay, and mailed it to me.  That sucker just tripled in value!  At least! Ch-ching!!!



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It's super-late.  Another super-late game tomorrow in Los Angeles against the Lakers, then like a week off.  I can't wait (for the week off)!  If you need me before tomorrow, I'll be scouring Macy's for an all-white denim outfit.  With Pete Pranica.  Holla!
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Jazz 104 Heat 97

6 Thoughts

1) Aren't all games in Utah crazy?  Holy mackerel, this game featured Miami playing hard but Utah shooting about 100% for three quarters and taking a 21 point lead; only for Utah to virtually collapse in the fourth quarter - couldn't make a shot, kept turning the ball over - and Miami clawing it all the way down to 2, with two of the big three on the bench.  Then, at the key juncture, Miami's biggest problem - their inability to control the defensive boards - popped up again, and Utah escaped with a win.  Also, two of Miami fans least favorite writers, Michael Wallace and Brian Windhorst, trolled all over the Heat, and a white dude got ejected for arguing with Dwyane Wade.  I mean, there was a lot going on.  Let's go!

2) First of all, for three quarters Miami got pretty good looks for good shooters, but couldn't knock anything down.  Meanwhile, Utah was getting difficult shots for bad shooters, and everything was going in.  One of the worst shooters in captivity, DeMare Carroll, came in off the bench knocking in bad jumpers off the dribble with the shot clock going off.  Utah shot 68% percent in the first half - and I thought Miami was playing pretty hard.  In the fourth quarter, Miami finally got stops by basically having KJ James guard everyone on Utah: he'd take Al Jefferson down on the block, deny the entry pass there for a while; then jam a drive; then steal a skip pass.  You know, he was doing KJ James things.  Meanwhile, on offense, a group around him consisting of Mario Chalmers, Ray Allen, an out-of-mothballs Rashard Lewis, and Joel Anthony started knocking down a couple of shots and clawing their way back in it, from down 21 all the way back to 2.  At a certain point, it was clear Coach Spo was going to ride this group out, that he wasn't going to reinsert Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh.  Listen, it's not my preferred style.  Like, just because Rashard Lewis comes in and makes a couple of plays (and he was good tonight), doesn't mean that he is going to continue to play at a higher level than Chris Bosh.  In fact, over the long haul, I am certain he is not.  On the one hand, Lewis should have been gassed - he hasn't really played in like 6 weeks before a few minutes last game; on the other hand, he doesn't really run or jump, so how tired can he possibly get?  In any case, at a certain point, I'd send in Chris and Dwyane, because I know that's my best team.  But Spo didn't, and I respected the decision - he rode the hot group, and it came up a little short.  Any time you get down 21 on the road, you are probably going to come up a little short, no matter who you play.  One time, years ago, current Heat assistant and then-interim coach Ron Rothstein played a group of subs the entire fourth quarter and overtime, and the Heat lost when the group gassed.  I felt Rothstein didn't sub to "make a point."  I still despise him for it - it's not even your team, you're the interim coach, put in the starters, Dummy!  But Spo wasn't trying to make a point - he's not 14 years old, he doesn't need to "make a point" - he just did what he thought was best on this night.  The NBA is crazy, one game is a small sample size - anything can happen...

3) ...However, that didn't stop ESPN reporter Mike Wallace from trolling all over him.  He wondered on Twitter whether Coach Spo lost Dwyane Wade by "benching him."  Really?  They've been together for 10 years, won 2 titles, Dwyane brought KJ James and Chris Bosh here to play for him, and because Spo rode a hot hand on a random, meaningless game in Utah, Spo is "losing" Dwyane Wade?  Yep - that makes total sense.  Listen, the Lakers get the same thing, the Knicks get the same thing - they are the three most high-profile franchises in the league, by far, and anytime they do anything, there are so many writers who need to have something to say, that one of them is going to say something asinine.  There are too many guys covering the Heat just from ESPN alone - no other team has three writers from ESPN covering them full-time.  Michael Wallace has clearly never liked this group of players - he kind of always has a too-cool-for-school attitude about them, like an "if they get their act together, they're alright."  Okay!  Another of the Heat ESPN beat writers, Brian Windhorst, got into a Twitter argument with Heat owner Mickey Arison during the game!  First he complained about Dwyane and KJ pushing for fans to vote for Bosh to start the All-Star Game: "I respect LeBron and Wade for helping Bosh get votes for All-Star. But he's got 0 rebs in 16 mins & this has been going on all year."  Haaaa!  As long as you respect KJ and Dwyane, Brian Windhorst, that's the main thing, that's what is is important.  I am sure the respect is totally mutual!  This dude is always trying to troll up trouble with Heat fans - so good!  Apparently Mr. Arison defended Bosh by pointing out that he averages more rebounds per game than Kevin Garnett, the guy he trails in votes.  Unless I'm dreaming, Windhorst snarked back by pointing out KG averages more rebounds per minute.  I'm almost positive it was Windhorst, but it's not in his timeline any longer, so I think he deleted it!  He's arguing with Dwyane Wade, KJ James, and Mickey Arison about Chris Bosh's rebounding - on Twitter!  Haaaa!  Why don't you just go tell those dudes your problems with Chris Bosh to their faces?  You see them like 4 times a week!  By the way, Chris Bosh was the starting center on last season's NBA champions!  Last season!  When you are the Heat, or the Lakers, or the Knicks, this is what happens - the season is so long, and so boring for good teams, that writers need to generate their own material, create their own controversies.  Even when you win the championship, people still take shots at you!  This is partly what makes basketball fun - watching people who don't know it's for fun!  So great!

4) Play of the game: late in the third quarter, referee Courtney Kirkland blew his whistle, stopped the game, went over and got a ninety year old security woman, and had her eject a young, tattooed, sideways-hat wearing, whiggerish dude from the front row.  As he was reluctantly leaving, he started shouting at Dwyane Wade.  More dudes who don't know basketball is for fun!  Courtney Kirkland is black; Dwyane Wade is black; the ejected guy was a white dude from Utah - what are the chances the guy at least came close to using the "n-word?"  Ninety-nine percent?  One hundred percent?  Yeah, you're right, probably one hundred percent.  As always when you go to Utah, it's a victory just to get out alive.  Also, underrated part of the incident: Courtney Kirkland, who looks like he spends too much time in the gym, and not enough time thinking about what KJ James would have to do to get a foul call (pounded the paint all night, 13-19 from the floor, 32 points, shot only 4 free throws - the same number as skinny white Utah jump shooter Gordon Hayward) getting a senior citizen woman to do his dirty work.  Courtney Kirkland's not crazy, he knows better than to mess with white people in Utah.  #Django

5) Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa- are you trying to tell me that Antoine Walker has taken the most threes ever in an NBA game without a make?

Most 3-point field goals attempted in a game, none made
·11 by Antoine Walker, Boston Celtics (vs. Philadelphia 76ers) on December 17, 2001

6) Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa - are you trying to me that Jodie Foster was in the closet?
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Well, we are through 4 out of 6 games on this West Coast swing, but the killer is still ahead: back-to-back 10:30 pm starts Wednesday and Thursday (at Golden State, at Lakers).  If you need me before Wednesday, I'll be fiercely debating with Brian Windhorst whether Barack Obama will get re-elected for a second term!  See you Wednesday!
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Heat 128 Kings 99

6 Thoughts

1) Rio?  Three-o!!!  Mario Chalmers, tying a Miami Heat franchise record with 10 - ten - three pointers, as Miami rolled in, very possibly, the Heat's last ever visit to Sacramento!  Don't hurt 'em, Emcee, goodness gracious!  On this night, more than any other: Let it Fly!!!

2) More Rio: this game was a laugher, it was never in doubt.  Anytime you get behind the Heat 14-2 before most fans even get into their seats, and Mario Chalmers has 10 of those points, and three of them came on a play when he "led" a 3-1 break with Dwyane Wade and KJ James, threw an errant bounce pass to Dwyane, recovered the loose ball, dribbled back out to the three point line, turned about, and nailed a bomb, it's going to be a long night for you.  And especially if you are the Sacramento Kings.  Emcee had 13 in the first quarter, 19 at halftime (and just missed a halfcourt runner at the buzzer), and pushed the Heat out to a 38 point lead in the third.  With Rio sitting on 8 triples, Coach Spo put him back in midway through the fourth quarter to give him a chance to break the record.  After a long hold-stare-shoot iso for his ninth triple, Rio came down the court with the ball and about three minutes to go, took one crossover dribble to his left, and drained a 26 footer to tie the record, as the bench exploded in laughter.  Not laughing: Coach Spo, who tried to calm Dwyane Wade and KJ James down on the bench, then had an aggravated look as he lectured Chalmers, as Chalmers gave him his signature arms-open-at-his-sides "what, me?" look.  Then Spo took him out.  Career-high 34 for Almario Vernard on 12-16 (and 10-13 threes)!  Ahhh, Spo - as someone pointed out on Twitter, Spo can be a little bit of a stick in the mud sometimes, a little bit of a party pooper, even though we all love him.  Basketball is for fun, Spo.  We are not the Chicago Bulls or Indiana Pacers.  Basketball is for fun.

3) Play of the game, runner up: in the second quarter, Dwyane Wade got isolated out on the wing against insane Kings big man DeMarcus Cousins.  Moments after I started to say, "there's a seventy percent chan-" Dwyane okey doked Cousins into the air 20 feet from the hoop and drew a foul, "-chance this ends up in a foul."  Okey dokes were created for dudes like DeMarcus Cousins.  And I clearly started the line before Dwyane started the move - that's a continuation for me, there's continuation in the NBA!  And one...for me!!!

4) Play of the game, winner: when Tyreke Evans, who couldn't be a worse, or more depressing, ballplayer, drove middle late in the fourth quarter, got his runner blocked by Heat 10 day-signee Jarvis Varnado, but the refs called a foul, and in the quiet that followed, the one loud Heat fan in Sacramento sitting directly behind Eric and Tony screamed, "Hey, Tyreke: YOU SUCK!"  And then was promptly ejected.  Really?  For pointing out Tyreke Evans sucks?  Is that still a debate?  In any case, it was the capper, the "coup de grace," if you will, to quite possibly Eric and Tony's last trip ever to Sacramento, a city they have hated over the years unlike any other (Kings may be sold and moved to Seattle next year).  For the two most relentlessly positive humans in captivity, Sacramento is their kryptonite: they complain there is nothing to do there, they don't like the broadcast setup, they don't like loud fans screaming that Tyreke Evans sucks - one year Eric complained that he was awakened way too early by a marathon being run directly outside his hotel window!  But in this, their last trip there, they took the high road and waxed rhapsodic about Sactown.  "We don't want to see this city lose their team," Eric lied, "it is a very pretty city."  Translation: "if someone took you to Hell, and then once you were in Hell, your wife left you for Satan, you developed permanent conjunctivitis, and the local basketball franchise drafted Rajon Rondo, you would still be a half-day's journey from Sacramento!"

5) New free throw watching technique: I stare at the rim, instead of the shooter, trying to inspire the focus on the basket that the shooter needs to make the shot.  I developed this earlier in the day when Ryan Boatright of the University of Connecticut had to make 4 straight huge free throws to lead the Huskies past Notre Dame.  This is just another in a long line of free throw techniques we've used over the years in Casa Minutos.  Last season, after a Tom Haberstroh article explained a piece of equipment the Heat (and some other NBA teams) use to measure the degree of arc on an individual's free throws, we generally have said, "45" each time Dwyane or LeBron shoots a freebie (that's their correct degree of arc).  But, I mean, obviously, there's an art to it, you can't just say it whenever, duhhh - that's not going to help.  You have to say it just about the time the player has the ball fully cocked above his head, just before he starts forward to release it (that's what she said).  Too early, or too late, and you may do more damage than good.  And don't use it for good free throw shooters like Chalmers or Bosh - you're only breaking their natural rhythm.  We've also used a variety of techniques to jinx opposing shooters over the years, most notably the reverse jinx, which starts the moments a dude gets fouled: "oh, no - this guy's a tremendous free throw shooter.  I mean, his stroke is like butter, it's like he's tossing cotton balls up there.  I mean, he couldn't miss this free throw if he was tryi- ohhhhhh!!!!"  How did it work out in tonight's game?  Well, early in the game the team was making its free throws but I couldn't see the rim because Sunsports loves to show the free throws on its patented "crotch cam" from floor level on the baseline.  So frustrating - we also missed possibly the dunk of the year when Wade got out in transition with KJ, and Sunsports went to crotch-cam just as Wade threw him an alley-oop that KJ reverse-slammed home.  Why that ever seems like a good idea to the director of the Heat broadcasts is totally beyond me - save that angle for the replay, don't jump-cut in the middle of a runout to an angle from which we can't see the dunk.  Can't Mr. Arison do anything about this?  It's the one complaint I have about Sunsports - love the dudes, love the effort everyone puts into entertaining us - games are so much better on tv than live - but hate, hate, hate the crotch-cam jump-cuts.  Anyways, in the second half, with Chalmers throwing daggers from all over the court, I forgot to stare at the rim.  But overall, the free throw shooting was good - 21-24 - so I like to think I had a positive impact.

6) Couldn't sleep last night.  Spent a few minutes learning the riff to The Replacements' classic jam "Can't Hardly Wait."  I mean, it's one of the greatest little rock songs ever, you might as well have an idea how to play it.  Since I love, love, LOVE, The Replacements, I then got sucked into a documentary film about them on Youtube named "Color Me Obsessed."  Note: if you don't know who The Replacements are, they were a shambolic, punkish rock band from Minnesota in the 80s.  They never really sold a lot of albums, but you would probably know some of their songs from movies - they tend to turn up in hipster films made by John Cusack, or early Cameron Crowe, or both.  So I start watching this movie, and it's all just interviews with rock critics, and dudes and gals from the Minnesota scene at that time (Husker Du, Babes in Toyland, etc), fans, and Tom Arnold (I crap you not - it was unclear why he was in there).  It's beautifully shot, every interview seems to be done in a modern-ish, hipster, pseudo-cabin out in nature in Minnesota.  But, like, ten minutes into the movie there hadn't been an interview with any of The Replacements (one's dead), or any concert footage, or even any of their music in the background.  Then twenty minutes.  Then I became engrossed in sticking the film out to see whether there would ever be an actual Replacement, or a song, or a clip, or a photo, or anything.  Two hours later: nope.  The imdb description of the film said that the filmmaker "bravely eschewed" including any actual Replacements music or interviews.  And by "bravely eschewed," I assume he means, "he could not get the rights to anything Replacements-related."  I wouldn't say I would recommend this film, since I already ruined the ending, and there's nothing actually "Replacements" in it.  Goodness.  It's also superhard to find any Replacements videos online - they were kind of pre-video era, and they didn't last that long.  Still, for you kids out there, or for music-lovers of all ages, any Replacements album is worth buying - they are one of the all-time great American bands.  Here's a more recent clip of their lead singer, Paul Westerberg, singing one of their most famous songs.  Don't spend two hours on the movie, just spend three minutes on this:


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Well, we're halfway through the long, late-night West Coast trip.  Next game is Tuesday in Utah, the scariest arena in the NBA - them white folks are mean!  If you need me before then, I'll be re-cutting the movie Star Wars to not include Luke Skywalker or Han Solo.  Think I can make the original better!  See you Tuesday, get some sleep!
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Blazers 92 Heat 90

6 Thoughts

1) Man, that's a disappointing loss.  To go out on the west coast, play with energy, lead the whole way, and then lose right at the end, that's disappointing.  To hold a playoff team under 40% from the floor for the second straight game - but lose both - that's disappointing.  To have your All-Star power forward call out the team's design after the last loss, then back up all his words in this game, only for the other two All-Stars to not make sure he got fed all second half, that's disappointing.  Finally, to have Wesley Matthews make back-to-back triples in the waning moments, while Ray Allen and Mario Chalmers missed back-to-back triples to win the game, that's super-disappointing.  Always a make-or-miss league.  Always.  Let's go!

2) The game kind of broke down like this: every time Chris Bosh touched the ball, he scored, or created a wide open shot for someone else to score.  He also played with energy on the defensive end.  He scored 29 on 13-18, held LaMarcus Aldridge to a 6-19, and blocked 4 shots.  He only had 4 rebounds, but rebounding was even tonight - everyone contributed: Mike Mil-lar, Joel Anthony, and Ray Allen combined for 17 boards off the bench.  After the Indiana loss, Bosh criticized Spo's "Pace and Space" attack - his bitching essentially boiled down to "I hate being the only big on the floor, and then getting all the criticism when we get out rebounded."  Tonight, Miami went to him early, especially down low, and he took everyone Portland threw at him apart.  But in the second half, they drifted away from him - so many plays he stood at the elbow while KJ James or Dwyane Wade dribbled the shot clock too low in the possession, and ended up with rushed looks.  KJ and Dwyane aren't selfish players, and maybe Chris has to be more demonstrative in demanding the ball.  In any case, it was a night where everything should have gone through him.  He had it going, and KJ and Dwyane didn't.  I feel like Bosh has been under-utilized all year - as he once famously said (on a west coast trip two years ago), he needs to touch it where big men like to touch it.  One, as always, ewwwww!  Two, he's right!

3) KJ - okay, I think it is fair to say he's a little banged up.  He got punked a little by Paul George last game, and he got punked a little by Nicolas Batum tonight.  Only 15 points for KJ on 6-16.  To be fair, he had 10 rebounds and 9 assists - for him, a bad game is still a pretty good game.  But he was indecisive down the stretch, and was not quick defensively.  He's banged up the ankles pretty good the last couple of weeks, looks like it's catching up with him a little.  His consecutive 20 point game streak is over at 54.  That was pretty amazing to watch.  At least the pressure is off Heat play-by-play announcer Eric Reid, who willed that streak into continuing more than once.  Gang, all we can do now is hope KJ starts a new streak.  Kaboom!

4) Udonis Haslem, we've established that he's lost the ability to shoot, and to catch the ball.  He generally doesn't even try to catch balls in traffic anymore, he just bats at them with one hand, which is especially awkward when it's a pass, not a rebound!  Tonight on two different occasions he had plays where it was virtually impossible for him not to get the offensive rebound, but instead of catching the ball, he batted it up into the bottom side of the rim.  He's also been adding a new trick to his repertoire: running into guys driving to the basket.  He doesn't - can't - jump to contest the shot on the ball, and he doesn't wrap up the driver's arms to prevent a three point play.  He just runs into the guy as he's shooting.  Sometimes the ball goes in for a three point play, sometimes the collision is violent enough to force a miss, and it's just two free throws.  It can be, ummm, a little frustrating to watch.  #Birdman

5) Been thinking about iconic NBA moments lately...He's a big gasbag now, so it's easy to forget that Shaq was once a lovable man-child who got the same criticism that KJ James received before last year: "he's a great player, but he can't win the title..."  After his move to L.A. to team with Kobe Bryant, and the hiring of Phil Jackson before, I believe, his third season, it looked like Shaq was going to lose another chance at glory.  After leading 3-1 in the Western Conference Finals against Portland, the Lakers lost Game 5 at home, and Game 6 in Portland, and got down 16 in the second half in Game 7 back in L.A.  But they ground back and ground back, and finally overtook the Trailblazers late in the game.  Up 4 with under a minute to go, and the Blazers needing a stop to stay in the game, the Lakers turned Kobe loose at the top of the key.  That's Shaq on the right side of the lane, with future Heat player Brian Grant guarding him (and Rasheed Wallace just a bit too late on the weak side rotation!).  Shaq's sprint back down the court, fingers pointing at the fans, and a frenzied ecstasy on his face, that's the stuff of legend, man, that stays with you.  You don't have to be a Lakers fan or a Shaq fan, or even a basketball fan, to appreciate that - just a fan of life.  It's only like two seconds of running, but I bet when he thinks about it on the right night, Shaq can live in that moment forever...It's funny, I don't remember even one in-game moment featuring Shaq in the 2006 Finals - it's a jumble of Wade, Udonis, Zo, and J-Will for me - but I'll never forget this:


6) It's been a minute since we checked in on Great Friend of the Blog Snets.  Wonder what he's been up to?  Oh, what a coincidence, he just emailed me:

I asked Siri what she thought of blackberry phones – her response – I think therefore I am – but let’s not put Descartes before the horse – actually pretty funny!

What the?......I shudder at the thought of Snets sitting around the house alone, cackling at phone-jokes, and asking it for weather reports.  Holy John Malkovich, Snet's band needs to get out on the road a little more often!  Step away from the phone, Snets; STEP AWAY FROM THE PHONE!!!...That was scary...
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Well, this is the beginning of a week of hell.  Not for the team - it's actually like 6 months of hell for them, 82 meaningless games until the playoffs start.  I mean for me and this blog: 5 straight late-start west coast games.  It ends next Thursday.  Next game is Saturday in - oh no! -  SACRAMENTO!  Eric Reid and Tony Fiorentino HATE Sacramento!  If they were dropped into the very bowels of hell itself, they'd still be 45 miles outside of Sacramento!  If you need me before Saturday, I'll be asking my phone why Chris Bosh doesn't get to touch it where big men like to touch it!  See you late on Saturday!
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Pacers 87 Heat 77

6 Thoughts

1) That was unbelievable, and I don't mean in a good way.  Out of 82 games, some are going to be dullfests.  I mean, that was unwatchable.  The Pacers slowed the game to a crawl; watched everyone on Miami miss every jump shot they took all night - except, ironically, Dwyane Wade; missed every shot they took all night; but kept batting the ball at the rim until it went in.  This wasn't exactly "Showtime" by these two teams.  Not sure this was exactly what Dr. Naismith had in mind when he invented basketball a hundred years or so ago.  Had he envisioned this ballgame, he might never have bothered...let's just get it over with, let's go...blahhhhh...

2) Honestly?  Maybe the Pacers are the second best team in the East.  Miami is easily the best, I still haven't seen any East team do anything all season that makes me think it can beat Miami 4 out of 7.  Depending on who is playing well, various teams are going to look like the second best at different times.  Chicago looks tough if Rose gets back - they are clearly the second best team if that happens; Brooklyn is playing well since they waxed Avery Johnson; Boston just went on the road and won a couple of tough games to stay up in the playoff hunt.  Knicks are falling back to earth a bit.  But Indiana is long, they are physical, they defend super-hard, and they rebound.  However, they can not shoot.  At all.  They finished the game at 36% from the floor, and a lot of those misses were two-footers that they missed as they smacked the ball around the rim.  On the one hand, it's a brutal style to watch - I can't imagine being a Pacers fan and having to watch that 82 games a year.  They do know basketball is for fun, right?  On the other hand, defense and rebounding always translates - you can always do it, even on a night when your shot isn't dropping.  Overall?  I don't know.  Just, please, for the love of God, don't make me watch them again for a while.

3) Okay, we have to talk about it.  Miami got killed on the glass.  I mean, annihilated.  Some times that happens, and it doesn't matter at all - raw rebounding totals don't mean much, they don't correlate with winning necessarily.  But on a night when the other team can't make a basket, you'd probably like to hold them to less than 22 offensive rebounds - it virtually seemed like the only way Indiana scored all night was on the third shot of a possession when Miami simply got tired of defending.  Just as damaging: against an excellent defensive team like Indiana (by most ranking systems, the NBA's best right now), you need to get out and create early offense, especially a team like Miami that is so good at transition.  You can't do that if you never get a rebound.  So tonight it was a big problem, and it has already been a meme for weeks, and the chatter is only going to get louder now.  Miami is gonna sign Jarvis Varnado, a lanky 6'10" jumping jack whom they drafted in the second round a couple of years ago.  You think he is going to come in and be Wes Unseld?  Unlikely.  They also reportedly looked at Chris "The Birdman" Anderson today - he may not come in and be Wes Unseld either, but on a night like tonight, at least he would have been interesting to look at, and I've been praying we get him all year, love that kid! SIGN HIM UP!  If the Heat does sign him, M.Minutos may move out - I already randomly shout out "Bird-man, drive a red Range!" upwards of twenty times a day, and he isn't even on our team yet!  Shall we use another "overall?"  Yes, let's use another "overall."  Overall, Coach Spo keeps saying that the guys already on the team can rebound enough to win a championship. and he's probably right.  You know how he and I know that?  Because this same group rebounded enough last year to win a championship!  Pretty easily, too, by the way!  Jiminy Cricket, people, if you can't tell when a team is on "coast mode," I don't know what to tell you.  OKC lost last night to Washington, you think people in OKC are panicking?  Actually, yes, probably they are - never going to lose money betting on "fans over-reacting to regular season wins and losses."

4) We always praise KJ James, so tonight we have to man up: Paul George outplayed him.  Hey, there are 82 games, sometimes even KJ James is going to be outplayed.  KJ sprained his ankle last game, maybe he wasn't feeling great, or maybe the other guy just took it to him.  KJ wasn't terrible, he scored 22 on 10-20, and had 10 rebounds.  Frankly, if he didn't get a defensive rebound, Miami didn't get a defensive rebound - he was the only guy who really competed at all on the defensive glass.  But he also turned it over 7 times, a lot of them kind of unforced, and Paul George scored 29 with 11 rebounds, but now that I look at it, he shot 12-27 from the floor (for the Pacers, though, that's Steve Kerr-like).  I thought he was the aggressor of the two.  Shall we just say it was a draw?  Naw - I'm gonna say Paul George outplayed him.  He's only 22, that kid is serious.  That was well-written!

5) This blog sucks tonight, I'm struggling, just like the Heat - the game was boring, nothing I can do is going to liven it up.  How about this: quick, how many career triples do you think Udonis Haslem has made?  Answer: 0.  He's 0-14 in his career.  Hasn't even tried one since 2007.  He's taken over 5,000 shots in his career, only 14 were triples, and none went in.  Hmmm. Super-interesting, right?  By the way, he's terrible right now.  I love UD, but even though his rebounding rate is reasonably impressive, it's partially because he plays with bigs who don't rebound much, either; he can't make a shot; and his defense is a step slow.  He's also lost his ability to catch the ball in traffic, and he's 32.  He's not an NBA-level rotation player right now, and he probably never will be again.  Remember when I said Jarvis Varnado and Chris Anderson weren't Wes Unseld?  They don't have to be to help Miami right now - they only have to be able to outplay UD.  That kills me to say, but there's no sense lying about it.  Along with Dwyane and me, UD has brought Miami two titles - he's got nothing to hang his head about. 

6) OMG.  That was creepy.  One day later?  One day later?  #FrameUp

"Andray Blatche was Nets player questioned in sexual assault investigation, according to report"
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Sorry my blog stunk tonight.  I'm sure the writer of "Yee-haw Pacers!" smoked me.  I'm like Miami and OKC - in full coast mode!  Our next game is Thursday in Portland, I'll try to pick it up for that one.  If you need me before then, I will be staying away - far away - from Humphries Park in Venice, Florida.  Oh, and I'll also be staying far, far away from Kris Humphries.  And Andray Blatche!  Goodness, what a pair of teammates!  See you Thursday!
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Heat 99 Wizards 71

6 Thoughts

1) I missed most of Friday's loss against the Bulls, I was out of town on the west coast of Florida visiting my 101 year old GrampsMinutos.  Just for the record, the Heat are now 0-1 this season, #WithoutDos.  Bounced back against the Wizards tonight.  Washington is terrible, but at least they're banged up and missing a few of their guys!  Goodness gracious - they can't score!  It's Kids Day on Sunsports: let it fly!

2) Today was Heat mascot Burnie's birthday - don't even ask, it's embarrassing - and the Heat organization takes this day each year to have kids come in and help with the broadcast, aka "Heat play-by-play-announcer-super-serious-Eric Reid's-worst-nightmare."  Ahhh, just kidding, Eric is super-nice, although every time this kid Tyler, who was helping him and Tony call the game in the second quarter, would get off on a tangent and not mention who scored a basket, Eric would quietly interrupt with a "Bradley Beal..." ".....Dwyane Wade...."  Hey, there's a certain standard that must be maintained, even under these trying conditions.  As readers of this blog know, my son O.Minutos is tight with Eric, and Eric is actually enthusiastic about Kids Day, although I feel obliged to mention that for Memphis Grizzlies Kids Day each year, Memphis Grizzlies play-by-play announcer Pete Pranica moves the kid announcer into his house for about a month, and drills with him day-after-day just to make sure the kid really gains some valuable broadcasting chops from the experience.  Such a pro that guy...Also worth mentioning: Jax's kids, extremely handsome and personable, and his older son responded to a Chris Bosh answer to one of his post-game questions with "thank you, Chris Bosh."  So professional.  I'd like to see Jax take his job that seriously.

3) Speaking of Chris Bosh, what the heck got into him?  He bounced back from a few desultory efforts on the defensive end and the boards with 9 rebounds and 4 blocks, and some excellent defensive play.  In fairness, the Wizards did miss a lot of shots - a lot - but, still, someone had to grab their wild caroms.  During one stretch he ran back as fast as he could, which is about medium fast for a big guy, and fouled Martell Webster hard at the rim to foil one fast break, then cleanly blocked an aggressive Martell Webster drive to the basket.  We've finally found the one guy who gets Chris Bosh fired up, and it's NBA journeyman Martell Webster!  Chris is always good on offense - 17 more points on only 11 shots.  That's too typical.  I know it's a position-less, "opportunity" offense, and they are the second or third most efficient scorers in the league, but I still think they should feed that kid more - 11 shots is not enough.  I have to believe it would keep him a little more engaged on the glass and the defensive end over the 82 game slog, to the degree that it matters, which is not much.  Still, I feel like he's earned it - he helped win a title with his defense and rebounding, he was great in the Finals.  But what he does is takes dudes apart.  Give him a little opportunity to do that.  In the post-game press conference, Coach Spo revealed that he had reminded Chris that he needs to rebound, and that he was pleased with the night's results.  A reporter asked if it was unusual to have to remind a guy to rebound.  "No," said Spo.  Okay!!!

4) Play of the game: in the fourth quarter, Walter Ray Allen, who had an efficient 20 points on 12 shots (and his wing buddy Mike Mil-lar had 13 on only 5), came steaming down court in transition a step ahead of Wizard Bradley Beal.  Ray was in the right lane, and Dwyane was coming hard down the left lane but a couple of steps behind, and KJ James (extended his 20 point game streak to like 1000) was trailing over Ray's right shoulder, with Beal tracking Ray on his left shoulder.  Ray slowed down a bit and kept looking back - he couldn't really get the ball to KJ because it was an awkward angle, and he kept looking over his left shoulder to try to get the ball to Dwyane, but Beal was in between.  Finally, with all four of them nearing the basket, Beal leaped at Ray anticipating the back pass to Dwyane just as Ray decided to extend the ball up to the rim - he dropped the ball through as Beal crashed into him, three point play!  Dwyane and KJ hauled him to his feet, all three of them laughing.  Old Man Ray just keeps rolling - he doesn't need those two young bucks to finish his play for him!  He's been in this league a minute or two!

5) I saw this while I was away this weekend in a very rough section of the coast in Venice, Florida, just shy of the jetty with all of the yachts, and around the corner from the Crow's Nest, home of the world's best clam chowder (according to 93 year old GramsMinutos).  Ladies, I can't emphasize this enough: don't get caught in this part of town alone, especially after dark.  I don't care what anybody says to you, I don't care if a local you trust offers to take you through, don't do it, just stay out.  #TheHumanDateRape



6) Late last week, the day of the Heat-Mavericks game, I was listening to an interview of former NBA point guard (and West Palm Beach native) Derrick Harper.  The interviewer asked him if, when he was playing, a loss on an otherwise festive day - Christmas, a birthday, etc. - would ruin that day for him, or if he was able to shake off a loss and enjoy the rest of the day.  "Well, Christmas could never be ruined no matter what because that's Jesus' birthday," he answered.  Wait - I'm half-Jewish, and only half-Christian, and my house was not religious growing up.  You mean to tell me that Jesus was born on Christmas?  Holy mackerel, what were the odds of that!?!  I mean, yes, I know God can control whatever He wants to, and He could will Jesus to be born on Christmas, but that's still pretty amazing, that is an incredible coincidence!  Next year, there's gonna be an extra reason to celebrate Christmas in the Minutos household...
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Well, the team is going on the road for a very tough road trip starting Tuesday - a lot of West Coast late night games over the next week and a half.  Like most West Coast road trips, I don't care if the Heat win; I don't care if the Heat lose.  All I want is for the road trip to be over, so I can get some sleep.  If you need me before Tuesday, I'll be googling "Famous Events on Easter."  I'll let you know if I come up with anything. 
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Heat 119 Dallas 109 ot

6 Thoughts

1) One of the best things about this Heat team: they never think they are going to lose a game.  For three and a half quarters, this can be maddening when they don't defend quite as conscientiously as they should, or box out rebounders, or they commit loose turnovers, or take bad shots.  But when they're down 6 with two minutes to go, like tonight, some teams would pack their tents - not Miami.  They seem to focus more - KJ James gets to the rim, or finds a shooter for a triple, or Bosh makes a jumpshot, or Ray Allen deflects a pass, and they somehow win.  Sometimes I think they are going to lose; but they never think they are going to lose.  Someone always makes a play...

2)...and tonight it was Dwyane Wade - twice.  With under a minute to go, and Dallas up 3 with the ball, Dirk Nowitzki was trying to back down KJ James when Dwyane Wade snuck in from behind, ripped the ball out of his hands, got out in transition, and dropped a pass on Ray Allen for a layup to cut the lead to 1.  In overtime (after a late 4q Battier triple got Miami to ot, and an early ot Battier triple gave them the lead - his only two buckets), with the Mavs down 5 and needing a hoop to stay in it, Vince Carter went down in the corner, then tried to throw an overhand baseball pass back up to the top of the key for an open triple...except Wade saw the pass coming, rotated justintime, tipped the ball back upcourt, chased it down, and slammed for a 7 point lead: ballgame!   Second straight game he won with steals - as much as KJ is the rock (32 pts, 12 rebs, 9 asst - are you serious with this kid?), Dwyane often makes the most dramatic plays, at both ends.  He looked bouncy all night: 10 rebounds to go with his 27 points, 2 blocks, and the two game-winning steals.  He's kind of looking a lot like Dwyane Wade right now.

3) Guess which NBA player played in the most games during the calendar year 2012?  Here's a hint: he's also People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive from Alaska (second pace: Levi Johnston; third place: nobody, ever).  That's right: Almario Vernard Chalmers!  Emcee played in 112 games - according to Heat beat writer Tim Reynolds, that's an all-time record.  Kids, take note: you can't get injured and miss games if you don't run or jump!...Rio also set the record for "Most Errant Alley-oop Passes Thrown in a Calendar Year" with "how many did he try? - that many."  He was able to complete a simple little transition pass to KJ James for a third quarter layup, and Heat broadcaster Tony Fiorentino chortled, "it may look easy to throw a fastbreak pass to KJ James, but it's not."  Actually, it kind of is easy but, you know, whatever.

4) Dallas' two biggest strengths: one, fouling.  Chris Kaman is like a lumberjack combined with a defensive tackle in the middle for Dallas - he committed 5 (called) rough fouls in 28 minutes.  That's solid fouling production right there, but a lot of teams might fall off, foul-wise, when they go their bench.  Not Dallas because they kept replacing Kaman with Elton Brand.  Brand is like a FedEx mailbox nailed to the painted area on the floor, except if the FedEx mailbox had two tree trunks it could swing around to whack people with.  Jesus-to-Betsy is he an awful basketball player.  He tacked on 3 more almost-over-the-line fouls in 17 minutes, giving Dallas' two bigs 8 for the night.  Strength # 2: calling timeouts.  Every time Miami scored two hoops in a row, Dallas coach Rick Carlisle called a timeout to slow their roll - I don't know how many timeouts they started the game with, but through 3 quarters, they had already called 14, by my count, and ran out before the final minute of the game.  At one point they called a timeout, the camera swung on to an afro'ed Drake sitting next to the Heat bench, and I'm positive I saw him mutter, "Man, how many timeouts do they get?"  By the way, after the game, big hug between Drake and de-rotationed Heat forward Rashard Lewis.  That makes total sense.

5) Look: It's O.Minutos with Miami Heat play-by-play broadcaster Eric Reid!



What the?  I had no idea that my son O.Minutos and Eric Reid were friends, O.Minutos never said a word to me about it!  This is bananas!...just kidding - saw Mr. Reid at a Florida Atlantic University basketball game New Years Day (Greg Gantt, boy!).  He couldn't have been nicer to O.Minutos, shook his hand, gave him a few kind words of advice ("kid, always close out on shooters under control"), and showed off his championship ring.  And, yes, O.Minutos watches a ton of Heat basketball, he absolutely knew who Eric Reid was, though he was disappointed that Jax was not there.  Eric did not accommodate my request to "give us one 'kaboom-town,'" but I can confirm that he was very fit-looking and handsome in person.  I actually thought he was a shade less fit and handsome than Memphis Grizzlies announcer Pete Pranica but, frankly, who isn't?

6) So at Dos Minutos International Headquarters, part of our office is a store-front in an outside mall - The Captain and I can both see the street from our work quarters, and in front of our office we have a sign hanging down.  All the store fronts do, you know, like a sign with the name right on it: "Dos Minutos Int'l HQs."  Eye-catching, we get a lot of walk-in traffic for the blog from that sign.  So today, we are sitting there, and some teenager comes walking by wearing a bright green Rajon Rondo jersey.  As I gasped in horror, just from seeing the shirt, the kid walks up to the Dos M. sign hanging down, and whacks it, causing it to swing violently on its chains - the exact same thing the real Raon Rondo would have done if he were outside on our sidewalk!  Sacre Bleu!  So I'm like, "Call the cops, call the cops!"  I didn't know what the kid was going to do - he was wearing a Rajon Rondo jersey, for goodness sake, his judgement is totally impaired, obviously.  But The Captain goes running out the door, and he says to the kid, "Hey - that's our sign," and the kid is like, "who are you, the sign police?" and The Captain is like,"No - I'm The Captain."  And the kid pauses, and then he looks up at the sign, and then at The Captain, and then up at the sign again, which had finally stopped swinging back and forth.  Then he smirks at The Captain with a degree of derision I've rarely seen on a human face (save for Russell Westbrook's), winds up, whacks the sign again, and runs away, but not before he looks back and calls out over his shoulder "hashtag: doucheball!"  First Kevin Garnett invades O.Minutos' dreams, and now Rajon Rondo is haunting my office.  Wow - Happy New Year to us at Dos Minutos!
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The next game is Friday against the Chicago Bulls.  I may miss all or part of that game - not sure.  If there's no blog Saturday, I'm sure everyone will live.  Heading out of town for a few days with O.Minutos and Eric Reid - going to Talladega to watch the big race.  Snets has always done a great job filling in in the past, but I know it's a pain to do, so I'm not gonna ask him - you're off the hook, Snets.  I'll definitely be back for Sunday against Washington, so you'll hear from me at some point this weekend.  If you need me before then, I'll be working on the 16 bars I'm getting on the first single from the upcoming Drake-Rashard Lewis cd "Watch the Throne...From the Bench!"  Drizzy, up in this place, was' hahennin'?!!!
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