1) Rio? Three-o!!! Mario Chalmers, tying a Miami Heat franchise record with 10 - ten - three pointers, as Miami rolled in, very possibly, the Heat's last ever visit to Sacramento! Don't hurt 'em, Emcee, goodness gracious! On this night, more than any other: Let it Fly!!!
2) More Rio: this game was a laugher, it was never in doubt. Anytime you get behind the Heat 14-2 before most fans even get into their seats, and Mario Chalmers has 10 of those points, and three of them came on a play when he "led" a 3-1 break with Dwyane Wade and KJ James, threw an errant bounce pass to Dwyane, recovered the loose ball, dribbled back out to the three point line, turned about, and nailed a bomb, it's going to be a long night for you. And especially if you are the Sacramento Kings. Emcee had 13 in the first quarter, 19 at halftime (and just missed a halfcourt runner at the buzzer), and pushed the Heat out to a 38 point lead in the third. With Rio sitting on 8 triples, Coach Spo put him back in midway through the fourth quarter to give him a chance to break the record. After a long hold-stare-shoot iso for his ninth triple, Rio came down the court with the ball and about three minutes to go, took one crossover dribble to his left, and drained a 26 footer to tie the record, as the bench exploded in laughter. Not laughing: Coach Spo, who tried to calm Dwyane Wade and KJ James down on the bench, then had an aggravated look as he lectured Chalmers, as Chalmers gave him his signature arms-open-at-his-sides "what, me?" look. Then Spo took him out. Career-high 34 for Almario Vernard on 12-16 (and 10-13 threes)! Ahhh, Spo - as someone pointed out on Twitter, Spo can be a little bit of a stick in the mud sometimes, a little bit of a party pooper, even though we all love him. Basketball is for fun, Spo. We are not the Chicago Bulls or Indiana Pacers. Basketball is for fun.
3) Play of the game, runner up: in the second quarter, Dwyane Wade got isolated out on the wing against insane Kings big man DeMarcus Cousins. Moments after I started to say, "there's a seventy percent chan-" Dwyane okey doked Cousins into the air 20 feet from the hoop and drew a foul, "-chance this ends up in a foul." Okey dokes were created for dudes like DeMarcus Cousins. And I clearly started the line before Dwyane started the move - that's a continuation for me, there's continuation in the NBA! And one...for me!!!
4) Play of the game, winner: when Tyreke Evans, who couldn't be a worse, or more depressing, ballplayer, drove middle late in the fourth quarter, got his runner blocked by Heat 10 day-signee Jarvis Varnado, but the refs called a foul, and in the quiet that followed, the one loud Heat fan in Sacramento sitting directly behind Eric and Tony screamed, "Hey, Tyreke: YOU SUCK!" And then was promptly ejected. Really? For pointing out Tyreke Evans sucks? Is that still a debate? In any case, it was the capper, the "coup de grace," if you will, to quite possibly Eric and Tony's last trip ever to Sacramento, a city they have hated over the years unlike any other (Kings may be sold and moved to Seattle next year). For the two most relentlessly positive humans in captivity, Sacramento is their kryptonite: they complain there is nothing to do there, they don't like the broadcast setup, they don't like loud fans screaming that Tyreke Evans sucks - one year Eric complained that he was awakened way too early by a marathon being run directly outside his hotel window! But in this, their last trip there, they took the high road and waxed rhapsodic about Sactown. "We don't want to see this city lose their team," Eric lied, "it is a very pretty city." Translation: "if someone took you to Hell, and then once you were in Hell, your wife left you for Satan, you developed permanent conjunctivitis, and the local basketball franchise drafted Rajon Rondo, you would still be a half-day's journey from Sacramento!"
5) New free throw watching technique: I stare at the rim, instead of the shooter, trying to inspire the focus on the basket that the shooter needs to make the shot. I developed this earlier in the day when Ryan Boatright of the University of Connecticut had to make 4 straight huge free throws to lead the Huskies past Notre Dame. This is just another in a long line of free throw techniques we've used over the years in Casa Minutos. Last season, after a Tom Haberstroh article explained a piece of equipment the Heat (and some other NBA teams) use to measure the degree of arc on an individual's free throws, we generally have said, "45" each time Dwyane or LeBron shoots a freebie (that's their correct degree of arc). But, I mean, obviously, there's an art to it, you can't just say it whenever, duhhh - that's not going to help. You have to say it just about the time the player has the ball fully cocked above his head, just before he starts forward to release it (that's what she said). Too early, or too late, and you may do more damage than good. And don't use it for good free throw shooters like Chalmers or Bosh - you're only breaking their natural rhythm. We've also used a variety of techniques to jinx opposing shooters over the years, most notably the reverse jinx, which starts the moments a dude gets fouled: "oh, no - this guy's a tremendous free throw shooter. I mean, his stroke is like butter, it's like he's tossing cotton balls up there. I mean, he couldn't miss this free throw if he was tryi- ohhhhhh!!!!" How did it work out in tonight's game? Well, early in the game the team was making its free throws but I couldn't see the rim because Sunsports loves to show the free throws on its patented "crotch cam" from floor level on the baseline. So frustrating - we also missed possibly the dunk of the year when Wade got out in transition with KJ, and Sunsports went to crotch-cam just as Wade threw him an alley-oop that KJ reverse-slammed home. Why that ever seems like a good idea to the director of the Heat broadcasts is totally beyond me - save that angle for the replay, don't jump-cut in the middle of a runout to an angle from which we can't see the dunk. Can't Mr. Arison do anything about this? It's the one complaint I have about Sunsports - love the dudes, love the effort everyone puts into entertaining us - games are so much better on tv than live - but hate, hate, hate the crotch-cam jump-cuts. Anyways, in the second half, with Chalmers throwing daggers from all over the court, I forgot to stare at the rim. But overall, the free throw shooting was good - 21-24 - so I like to think I had a positive impact.
6) Couldn't sleep last night. Spent a few minutes learning the riff to The Replacements' classic jam "Can't Hardly Wait." I mean, it's one of the greatest little rock songs ever, you might as well have an idea how to play it. Since I love, love, LOVE, The Replacements, I then got sucked into a documentary film about them on Youtube named "Color Me Obsessed." Note: if you don't know who The Replacements are, they were a shambolic, punkish rock band from Minnesota in the 80s. They never really sold a lot of albums, but you would probably know some of their songs from movies - they tend to turn up in hipster films made by John Cusack, or early Cameron Crowe, or both. So I start watching this movie, and it's all just interviews with rock critics, and dudes and gals from the Minnesota scene at that time (Husker Du, Babes in Toyland, etc), fans, and Tom Arnold (I crap you not - it was unclear why he was in there). It's beautifully shot, every interview seems to be done in a modern-ish, hipster, pseudo-cabin out in nature in Minnesota. But, like, ten minutes into the movie there hadn't been an interview with any of The Replacements (one's dead), or any concert footage, or even any of their music in the background. Then twenty minutes. Then I became engrossed in sticking the film out to see whether there would ever be an actual Replacement, or a song, or a clip, or a photo, or anything. Two hours later: nope. The imdb description of the film said that the filmmaker "bravely eschewed" including any actual Replacements music or interviews. And by "bravely eschewed," I assume he means, "he could not get the rights to anything Replacements-related." I wouldn't say I would recommend this film, since I already ruined the ending, and there's nothing actually "Replacements" in it. Goodness. It's also superhard to find any Replacements videos online - they were kind of pre-video era, and they didn't last that long. Still, for you kids out there, or for music-lovers of all ages, any Replacements album is worth buying - they are one of the all-time great American bands. Here's a more recent clip of their lead singer, Paul Westerberg, singing one of their most famous songs. Don't spend two hours on the movie, just spend three minutes on this:
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Well, we're halfway through the long, late-night West Coast trip. Next game is Tuesday in Utah, the scariest arena in the NBA - them white folks are mean! If you need me before then, I'll be re-cutting the movie Star Wars to not include Luke Skywalker or Han Solo. Think I can make the original better! See you Tuesday, get some sleep!
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