1) Layup City! Let it Fly!
2) Dwyane Wade: he's scoring over 20 points per game, he's shooting over 51% from the floor, and lately whatever bounce he's lost off his ups, he's made up for with savvy movement both on and off the ball. He took the Pistons apart tonight, 29 points on 12-20 from the floor, 7 assists, 5 boards, 3 steals, and a block. There aren't many games KJ James plays in when he isn't the best player on the floor, but tonight he was a role player - DWade dominated this game. He blew the game open during a 26-4 second quarter run when he kept stealing the ball, motoring down court and dunking or, on the second best play of the game, went hard down the middle in transition, took off for a swooping scoop shot, only to look away left and scoop the ball up behind him to the right to an absolutely thundering James for a two-handed earthquake. "He could have dunked that ball with his chin," crowed Tony Fiorentino! "That does not seem like it would be safe," pointed out the more practical M.Minutos. Wade had 23 at half, and punctuated his second quarter performance by tomahawking Kyle Singler's runner at the buzzer off Singler's forehead! For good measure, late in the game Dwyane viciously one-hand tip-slammed a Chris Bosh miss like it was 2006! Ballgame! For one night, it was DWade's house again! Short-term rental from KJ James!
3) Play of the game: easily, during the break between the third and fourth quarters, when a slightly portly fan dressed in a banana yellow zipup threw in a half-court hook shot to win $75,000 for himself, and $75,000 for the Boys and Girls Club, courtesy of KJ James' foundation. As the man celebrated, KJ James came sprinting out to halfcourt, face all lit up with joy, and tackled the dude, then knelt over him and thumped him in the chest with glee! Seriously, KJ is such a nice dude. Maybe - maybe - KJ was this happy when they won the championship last year:
After the game, Dwyane lauded the shot - "A hook shot! We ought to bring that guy back - you never know, we might need him in a late game situation."
4) Noticed a new ref tonight: Scott Twardoski. "I've never noticed him before," theorized M.Minutos, "but I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that he is terrible..." In the first quarter, 'future Piston superstar' Rodney Stuckey ("the next Dwyane Wade" for soooo many years) drove left on Dwyane, tried to reach back with his right hand to flip it back to the rim, and Dwyane spiked it off his noggin. Buttt, here came Scott Twardoski running in to call a foul on Dwyane, to the surprise of everyone, including Rodney Stuckey. Stuckey then stepped up to the line and bricked both free throws - man, that must have been a really bad call! Ball don't lie, Scott Twardoski, BALL DO NOT LIE!!! Twardoski redeemed himself in the third quarter when KJ James posted up on the block, spun baseline for a turnaround, and Piston rookie Andre Drummond karate chopped him in the face, knocking him down. Twardoski, two feet away from it in perfect position, did not call a foul - that's perfect, that's exactly what he's supposed to do, that's how this league runs: it's best player never gets a call because he is too big, too strong, and too skilled, and so we are all just supposed to ignore it when he gets whacked over and over again at the rim, and just expect him to finish those plays without a foul since he is better than everybody else. Good job, Scott Twardoski, you're gonna do fine in this league, that call will grade out perfectly in the league office: "textbook." You could be the next Dick Bavetta.
5) The University of Kansas has a long tradition of basketball excellence and from time-to-time a Kansas player's career is so outstanding that the University retires his uniform number. Look up in the rafters at Phog Allen Fieldhouse, or whatever their arena is called, and you will see hanging the jersey of all-time basketball great Wilt Chamberlain. Wilt defines dominance - he changed basketball forever, he combined overwhelming size with incredible athleticism, and every great big that came after him - Kareem, Shaq, Tim Duncan, Dwight Howard - all owe him a debt of gratitude. Look next to Wilt's jersey and you will see Paul Pierce's number hanging up there. His late-career association with #Doucheball notwithstanding, he played basketball the right way, combining all-around excellence on the offensive end with a commitment to defense and teamwork that not every player as talented as he exhibits. On February 16th, during the All-Star break, another great will join them: ALMARIO VERNARD CHALMERS!!! His #15 is going up next to Wilt and Pierce's numbers, and with good reason - the retired guys' offense was going wayyy too smoothly, they didn't have anyone to come down on the break and throw an alley-oop pass eleven feet over Pierce's head, and get a wing screen from Wilt, dribble down the baseline like he's walking a tightrope, and then fall down out of bounds with the ball! Or, to hit huge money triples when they play the Retired Legends of the OKC Thunder up in Heaven! Or, to singlehandedly keep John Calipari (Satan) and Derrick Rose (who's worse than Satan?) from winning a national championship! This whole event is so typical of Emcee Chalmers: just when you think he's done it all, he does more! Enjoy the weekend and the ceremony, Emcee Chalmers, congratulations! And try not to injure anybody when you're raising that giant uniform up to the ceiling!
6) Yo, have we posted this before? This is a band from Cincinnati named Wussy. They are ill, which is unusual, nothing good everrr comes from Cincinnati, right? Psych: Heat television host extraordinaire Jason Jackson is from Cincinnati, so you know that town is mad talented! You know else is from Cincinnati? Steven Spielberg, only the greatest filmmaker of our time (in his mind). You who else? Sarah Jessica Parker and George Clooney! You know who else? Nipsy Russell! Yeah, Nipsy Russell - kids, ask your parents (or Jax) if you don't know who that is! Anyways, I saw this band open for Afghan Whigs a couple of months ago, I may already have posted one of their songs, I can't remember. Who cares - so good! I wanted to post like a video or a live performance, but this band is so small that they don't have real videos, and all the live performances are, like, half-recorded by a drunk dude with his phone while balancing it on his beer. So here is the studio version of one of the illest break-up songs ever. Jax: how could you call me up and kill me with the voice that used to thrill me on the fucking telephone? No, seriously, Jax: how could you?
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Sunday, it starts: Sunday afternoon games for the one team in the league that has perfect weather throughout the entire season. Would it kill the league office to have Toronto play Milwaukee on Sunday afternoon? No? It wouldn't kill the league office? Oh - just the fans across the country who had to watch it on tv? Okay, okay, we'll play. Damn. And worse: #Doucheball. If you need me before then, I'll be rubbing my Ray Allen Milwaukee Bucks bobblehead for good luck - got to break that #Doucheball spell! See you Sunday!
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