6 Thoughts
1) Cal-i-forn-i-a? Who runs this city? Yeahhhh, Heat scuffled around for three and a half quarters without being able to make a jump shot, were even with 2:30 to go, and scored the last 9 points of the game to end the West Coast road trip 3-0 in California (3-3 overall - shhhhh)! Umm, Kobe? Hey, Kobe? Yo, Kobe? You can leave your keys on the counter on your way out - I think KJ James owns your house now! Let it fly! Or not, doesn't even matter, we don't even need shooting to win!
2) Holy KJ James - 15-16 in the paint, 17-25 overall, 39 points, one of the Heat's two (huge) triples, 7 rebounds, 8 assists, 3 steals, and a block, erased Kobe Bryant in the last 2:30 of the game, hit the dagger pullup with under a minute to go to ice it, and had one of the crazier plays of this or any season when he somehow beat Kobe Bryant to a loose ball on the floor, barrel-rolled, popped up, took a body check from Bryant (no foul, of course), pushed it up court, and found Walter Ray Allen for the Heat's first triple of the game to put them up 3 with 5 minutes to go. He did everything, he was freaking crazy - he was KJ! He got 3 late hoops from Ray, including a sweet high-arcing floater over Dwight Howard; and a good all-around game from Dwyane Wade: 27 points, solid defensive work all night, and the key defensive play of the game when he swallowed Steve Nash whole on a drive. How many times have we said it? Never test Dwyane late in a game by trying to take him to the rim, unless you really, really like the sensation of leather slapping against your forehead. But mostly, it was KJ - pounded the paint relentlessly all night. He scored on Howard, he scored on Artest, he scored on Gasol, he scored on Marky Mark sitting next to the Lakers bench - he dominated. He looked tired, he didn't really have his legs, but it was a national tv game, it was the last game of a long and grueling trip, so he sucked it up, and got it done. That man does work. Every night - respect him so hard.
3) It was a national TNT only game. In a million ways, the group on TNT tries to make America dumber about basketball. Spent the entire night preaching that Miami is too small to win a championship, which is super-odd, because they just won the last championship with the exact same team! You want to say you think they won't do it again? Okay, cool - the odds are on your side, there's 30 teams, only one will win the title. I predict it will rain some time this month. Ummm, duh? But to say it's impossible, like the TNT guys? That's just dumb. By the way, the team that is too small to win the championship, besides winning the championship last year, won the paint points against Dwight Howard tonight 68-28. So there's that. The only truly good part of a TNT broadcast is watching Charles Barkley try to troll so hard all over Miami. He had such a good thing going with Dwyane Wade when Dwyane put him in the T-Mobile commercials, then messed it up by picking the wrong horse and going hard anti-Heat the last couple of seasons. Oops - they won the title, and Dwyane and KJ openly loathe Charles - guess who isn't sitting at the cool kids table anymore? Gotta hurt being on the outside after it was so, so good on the inside, which would kind of remind me of Patrick Dempsey in "Can't Buy Me Love," if I had ever seen that ridiculous movie, which obviously I haven't since I am a mature adult - he got to experience being on the inside for a minute, only for it to hurt that much more when you get bounced back out. Awww - at least you can still hang out with Shaq - nobody likes him either, anymore. If we live long enough, we all get old and uncool (if we ever were cool, which I was not); Charles tried to outcool the younger dudes, and ended up looking like the douchey, old, bitter guy. Older dudes: step aside and let the younger dudes be cool.
4) Film review: "Stand by Bosh" - Chris Bosh, Joel Anthony, and Norris Cole discover a dead body in a little alley off of 8th St and Euclid Ave in South Beach on the way to eat at Johnny Rockets on Ocean after a home win over the Toronto Raptors. They want to report the crime to the police, but South Beach bullies Gloria Estefan and her evil husband Emilio try to frame Chris, Joel, and Norris for the crime, which is a shame because Chris, in particular, is a huge fan of the Miami Sound Machine. The guys escape unharmed when Joel obliterates Emilio with a crushing moving screen, and the film ends with Chris looking back years later on what he learned that day: always eat at the Johnny Rockets in Coconut Grove, it's much safer.
5) Listen, I love Shane Battioke as much as the next guy, and it's pretty much the only charity on earth where I feel like there is any chance whatsoever that any of the money raised gets to an actual person in need...but he's over-bad singing this on purpose, right? We get it, you're bad. But you aren't this bad:
6) Sooo many times we'd just be sitting around Dos Minutos International Headquarters and I'd say to The Captain, "Landis, man, it's all about Landis. Pound for pound, man, pound for pound." And he'd always be like, "Lance has the rings - end of story." And I'd have to shut up - there's no comeback to the "rings" argument, not really. Well, who got the juice now, boy? WHO GOT THE JUICE NOW???
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The long west coast trip is over and now the Heat - and more importantly, me - have 5 straight nights off! I don't even know when our next game is, or who it is against! Sometime next week. If you need me before then, I'll be trying to get my bike chain back up on the gear thing - opening at the top of cycling now, boy, and I'm just the dude to fill it! Have a great few nights off!
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