6 Thoughts
1) Remember the last game, Sunday night against the Knicks, when Miami blew a huge lead at home, got behind, then scrapped back late, only to suffer an excruciating loss in the final moments? It couldn't get no worse, right? Uh oh - it just got worser! In honor of new Heat point guard Mike Bibby, let's do this, let's get pasty!!!
2) Miami led by 24 early in the second half. Dwyane Wade had scored 24 in the first half, with 4 steals; LeBron had scored 23 - their first half of the season with 20 plus points each. Over the next 14 minutes or so, Orlando outscored Miami 40-9, to take a seven point lead in the 4th quarter. 40-9!!! What happened?
3) First, Dwyane Wade was mind-bogglingly terrible. Not just his play - though it was bad - but his decision-making, and, especially, his effort level. He spent the first half posting Jason Richardson and JJ Redick, muscling inside and finishing. He spent the second half dribbling aimlessly on the perimeter, occasionally launching a bad jumper, or running the clock down before flippping the ball casually to a teammate, putting them in a bad spot on the perimeter with a short clock. Occasionally, he got fouled, stepped to the line, and missed two free throws. Defensively, he wandered all over at low speed while his cover Richardson drilled triples - JRich finished 6-8 for 24 points. I don't even have jokes for him - it was sad.
4) Second, if Dwyane Wade adjusted the effort level from a 9 to a 0.0, LeBron was only slightly less at fault. He, too, was aggressive in the first half, and spent the second half lazing on the perimeter - let's say he took it from a 9 to a 2. I don't have any jokes for him either - Orlando is not a particularly talented defensive team...if Dwyane and LeBron make any effort at all, the game is over after three quarters. No jokes for LeBron, either...After the game, Coach Spo said he didn't think the team relaxed. Spo: get off the Charlie Sheen. They didn't relax? Really? Is that a joke? I don't even know what to make of Spo these last few days - it is his job, really his only important job, to get a consistent level of energy out of this group. Right now, he isn't getting that. If he doesn't want to call his guys out in the media, fine, say nothing. But don't say you thought they played hard - we all watched the game, they didn't play hard. If you can't see that, that's a huge problem...
5) Okay, let's let it go - was it terrible? Yes, it was terrible. And the next 9 - nine - games are against top teams, including San Antonio twice, Chicago, and the Lakers. So it's time to take it up a level. And how best to take it up a level? That's right: sign newly waived point guard Mike Bibby to the roster!!! Bibby has divided Casa Minutos: Dos loves his "cautious" and "energy-conserving" approach to defense, his ghetto-Kermit the Frog voice, and his ability to space the floor with threes - he's a long-time favorite, although admittedly, he'd be more effective for the Heat if this were 2005. M.Minutos dislikes his headband, his beady-eyed sneer, and the fact that he is the pastiest black man in the NBA. Either way, I think we all agree, at least he isn't Mario Chalmers! Emcee still started tonight, but when Bibby replaced him with a minute to go in the first quarter, the crowd gave a rousing cheer. "Eric, I think part of that cheer is for the six million dollars Bibby waived on his contract for next year to be able to join the Heat," postulated Tony Fiorentino when the crowd erupted. Part of it? Yes! A small, small part! Mostly we were cheering Mario going to the bench - with the knowledge that Mr. Bib Shots will soon be the starter. Adios, Emcee - we'll see you at the end of the next blowout - if we ever blow somebody out again!
6) The ancient Egyptians had a hieroglyphic symbol for it which resembled a man with his arms stretched skyward, fists balled...in the second century BC, the Greeks revered it, and in the historic city of Samothrace built a statue depicting the god Nike to honor it...the earliest Spanish conquerors called it "ganando," and it inspired them to construct massive fortresses in Old San Juan, and throughout the New World, to protect their investments...in the early days of this great nation, we called it "Manifest Destiny," and we spread out across the Americas, through force of will and firepower...now, in its simplest, and most perfectly realized form, we call it simply: "Winning...!" #charliesheenistheillestphilosopheralive
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Knicks 91 Heat 86
6 Thoughts
1) Tough home loss to the new look New York Knicks in a game Miami seemingly had won three different times. Especially tough losing on Oscar Night - I don't want to make excuses, but I wrote this blog once already with an Oscar theme, hated it, erased it, and now it's 12:22 and I am starting again. I think that's the first time I've ever finished and then erased a whole post. Inefficient - like the Miami offense tonight. Anyways, it's late, this post is probably going to stink, but we have to do it anyways: Oscar is waiting. By the way, I don't know if it's legal, but I voted for "Avatar" again. Let's go!
2) "It wasn't over when I left." "It's still not over!" The greatest line in movie history (Ryan Gosling in The Notebook) belongs to old friend Chauncey Billups tonight, the once and future Mr. Big Shots. Took over the fourth quarter, torching Mike Miller (Mike Miller? On a point guard?) repeatedly, forcing Spo to switch Wade on to him...annnnnd, he promptly made a 25 foot triple to win the game for the Knicks. Oh, Big Shots - I thought it was over between us when you went to the Western Conference to play for the Denver Nuggets, but now I see, we have a bond that will never die.
3) "I'm a fiend for mojitos." Of course, Colin Farrell in Miami Vice, the movie, followed immediately by him and some Cuban chick (don't know what it means that I can only remember Colin Farrell, not her) hopping into a go-fast boat, jetting the ninety or so miles to Cuba, getting liquored up, and making mad, passionate, Farrell-esque Cuban love! Probably with no condom, because that's how he does it...Belongs tonight to Dwyane Wade. Was he drunk? 5-15 for only 12 points, plus 5 turnovers for Dee Dub. Several possessions late in the game found him weaving all over the court like he had one too many. Perhaps Dwyane's mind was elsewhere, wishing he could have been in Hollywood, with longtime girlfriend Gabrielle Union, who was nominated for...well, she wasn't nominated for anything this year. But I promise you - I double promise you - any time the teenage cheerleading opus Bring It On is showing on tv, I never turn it off, although I will go get a sandwich during the Kirsten Dunst parts. Kirsten Dunst is like the Mario Chalmers of that film; Gabrielle Union is like Dwyane Wade and LeBron James. Put together. She's like- okay, that's enough...Anyways, Dwyane didn't have a good game.
4) "I'll play you for it." "For what?" "Your heart!" From Love and Basketball! Sanaa Lathan, all in shape to be a little point guard, she's like a- okay, okay...This belongs to Carmelo Anthony, in New York, where he was born, playing for the Knicks, where he belongs. He did what he do tonight, 29 points and 9 boards. Carmelo on the Knicks is just right. As a Heat fan, I know I'm supposed to hate the Knicks, but how can anyone hate a team with Melo, Amare, and Big Shots? Those are three great, and entertaining players. They played hard tonight - with heart!
5) "Hey, what did you think about the refereeing tonight?" "It was great! Even though we lost, it was demonstrably better than most NBA games, and crew chief Monty McCutcheon deserves a lot of credit. There were hardly any touch fouls called, and even on drives to the rim, you didn't get bailed out with a whistle - you had to finish. Just felt like I should note this." From the famous film, Not All Refs Suck...okay, I made it up. Not a lot of movies about referees, except Forget Paris, starring Billy Crystal, which I never saw. Why? I just told you: starring Billy Crystal. What are you, deaf? Just felt like I should mention it: like a game not marred by constant whistles.
6) Okay, okay, okay. New segment now: Ask Jax! This is where we ask Heat sideline reporter Jason Jackson a question to learn a little more about him. We know a little about Jax's life from watching him on tv. He has two beautiful young boys about the same age as mine; he loves ascots; he is working hard to get in (even better) shape; he is unfailingly positive; he loves the Cincinnati Reds; and he loves working with young protege Johanna Gomez, but like, in a 'friends' kind of way (and we like watching her - in the same way, of course). Okay, so Jax: what is spinning on your ipod lately, what is the one song you just keep going back to over and over?
Sadly my IPod Touch is more of a road luxury. I listen to it on the plane and in hotel rooms that have the docking station but I mostly listen to CDs in the car and to itunes on the many computers (desktop at home, laptop and netbook in backpack) I find myself staring at throughout the season. Now that I have wasted all that time, I am a Jamie Foxx freak. Not in the Rick James Super Freak kind of way – I simply cannot consume enough of his work. So for the last two months I have his latest album Best Night of My Life front and center in the car and on the Most Played play list on all devices. The song that has me right now is track 8, “Fall For Your Type” (featuring Drake). I am a sucker for R & B ballads. While I tend to bow toward power ballads, there’s something about the phrasing and feeling of this song that got me, has me and won’t let me go.
Bottom line: ya gotta feel for a cat who is about to make the same old mistake as he always does with the same types of women, but is stepping out and hoping this one is different
Look, we would have been happy just with the name of a song, but Jax took-it-and-ran-with-it! Awesome! And you know what? He's right! I downloaded that song this morning and listened to it a few times - it is a legitimate slow burner about a dude who "always falls for your type," even though he knows it's trouble. It's got this syncopated, noirish Phil Collins "In the Air Tonight"-y sound, which makes it perfect for inclusion in Miami Vice II, starring the aforementioned Colin Farrell, and coincidentally, Jamie Foxx. You might ask: "Are they really making a sequel," and I would say to you, "They f-ing better, because the first one is drenched in cool atmospheric music, and a richly colored, shimmering - breathing - city of Miami, not to mention Farrell and Foxx." I dunno how many Oscars the first one won, but I can't wait for the second one...Thanks Jax - that really painted a picture: Jax, alone on the road, with his jams, and his innumerable electronic devices!!! Next week we will cover: why Jax doesn't like Drake (because he thinks he's a fake gangster), and why I do (because I'm suspect)...
Okay, we are off until Thursday...How do you like this weekend schedule: Thursday, home vs Orlando; Friday, at San Antonio; Sunday, home against Bulls? See you then. Oscar says: Let's Go!
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1) Tough home loss to the new look New York Knicks in a game Miami seemingly had won three different times. Especially tough losing on Oscar Night - I don't want to make excuses, but I wrote this blog once already with an Oscar theme, hated it, erased it, and now it's 12:22 and I am starting again. I think that's the first time I've ever finished and then erased a whole post. Inefficient - like the Miami offense tonight. Anyways, it's late, this post is probably going to stink, but we have to do it anyways: Oscar is waiting. By the way, I don't know if it's legal, but I voted for "Avatar" again. Let's go!
2) "It wasn't over when I left." "It's still not over!" The greatest line in movie history (Ryan Gosling in The Notebook) belongs to old friend Chauncey Billups tonight, the once and future Mr. Big Shots. Took over the fourth quarter, torching Mike Miller (Mike Miller? On a point guard?) repeatedly, forcing Spo to switch Wade on to him...annnnnd, he promptly made a 25 foot triple to win the game for the Knicks. Oh, Big Shots - I thought it was over between us when you went to the Western Conference to play for the Denver Nuggets, but now I see, we have a bond that will never die.
3) "I'm a fiend for mojitos." Of course, Colin Farrell in Miami Vice, the movie, followed immediately by him and some Cuban chick (don't know what it means that I can only remember Colin Farrell, not her) hopping into a go-fast boat, jetting the ninety or so miles to Cuba, getting liquored up, and making mad, passionate, Farrell-esque Cuban love! Probably with no condom, because that's how he does it...Belongs tonight to Dwyane Wade. Was he drunk? 5-15 for only 12 points, plus 5 turnovers for Dee Dub. Several possessions late in the game found him weaving all over the court like he had one too many. Perhaps Dwyane's mind was elsewhere, wishing he could have been in Hollywood, with longtime girlfriend Gabrielle Union, who was nominated for...well, she wasn't nominated for anything this year. But I promise you - I double promise you - any time the teenage cheerleading opus Bring It On is showing on tv, I never turn it off, although I will go get a sandwich during the Kirsten Dunst parts. Kirsten Dunst is like the Mario Chalmers of that film; Gabrielle Union is like Dwyane Wade and LeBron James. Put together. She's like- okay, that's enough...Anyways, Dwyane didn't have a good game.
4) "I'll play you for it." "For what?" "Your heart!" From Love and Basketball! Sanaa Lathan, all in shape to be a little point guard, she's like a- okay, okay...This belongs to Carmelo Anthony, in New York, where he was born, playing for the Knicks, where he belongs. He did what he do tonight, 29 points and 9 boards. Carmelo on the Knicks is just right. As a Heat fan, I know I'm supposed to hate the Knicks, but how can anyone hate a team with Melo, Amare, and Big Shots? Those are three great, and entertaining players. They played hard tonight - with heart!
5) "Hey, what did you think about the refereeing tonight?" "It was great! Even though we lost, it was demonstrably better than most NBA games, and crew chief Monty McCutcheon deserves a lot of credit. There were hardly any touch fouls called, and even on drives to the rim, you didn't get bailed out with a whistle - you had to finish. Just felt like I should note this." From the famous film, Not All Refs Suck...okay, I made it up. Not a lot of movies about referees, except Forget Paris, starring Billy Crystal, which I never saw. Why? I just told you: starring Billy Crystal. What are you, deaf? Just felt like I should mention it: like a game not marred by constant whistles.
6) Okay, okay, okay. New segment now: Ask Jax! This is where we ask Heat sideline reporter Jason Jackson a question to learn a little more about him. We know a little about Jax's life from watching him on tv. He has two beautiful young boys about the same age as mine; he loves ascots; he is working hard to get in (even better) shape; he is unfailingly positive; he loves the Cincinnati Reds; and he loves working with young protege Johanna Gomez, but like, in a 'friends' kind of way (and we like watching her - in the same way, of course). Okay, so Jax: what is spinning on your ipod lately, what is the one song you just keep going back to over and over?
Sadly my IPod Touch is more of a road luxury. I listen to it on the plane and in hotel rooms that have the docking station but I mostly listen to CDs in the car and to itunes on the many computers (desktop at home, laptop and netbook in backpack) I find myself staring at throughout the season. Now that I have wasted all that time, I am a Jamie Foxx freak. Not in the Rick James Super Freak kind of way – I simply cannot consume enough of his work. So for the last two months I have his latest album Best Night of My Life front and center in the car and on the Most Played play list on all devices. The song that has me right now is track 8, “Fall For Your Type” (featuring Drake). I am a sucker for R & B ballads. While I tend to bow toward power ballads, there’s something about the phrasing and feeling of this song that got me, has me and won’t let me go.
Bottom line: ya gotta feel for a cat who is about to make the same old mistake as he always does with the same types of women, but is stepping out and hoping this one is different
Look, we would have been happy just with the name of a song, but Jax took-it-and-ran-with-it! Awesome! And you know what? He's right! I downloaded that song this morning and listened to it a few times - it is a legitimate slow burner about a dude who "always falls for your type," even though he knows it's trouble. It's got this syncopated, noirish Phil Collins "In the Air Tonight"-y sound, which makes it perfect for inclusion in Miami Vice II, starring the aforementioned Colin Farrell, and coincidentally, Jamie Foxx. You might ask: "Are they really making a sequel," and I would say to you, "They f-ing better, because the first one is drenched in cool atmospheric music, and a richly colored, shimmering - breathing - city of Miami, not to mention Farrell and Foxx." I dunno how many Oscars the first one won, but I can't wait for the second one...Thanks Jax - that really painted a picture: Jax, alone on the road, with his jams, and his innumerable electronic devices!!! Next week we will cover: why Jax doesn't like Drake (because he thinks he's a fake gangster), and why I do (because I'm suspect)...
Okay, we are off until Thursday...How do you like this weekend schedule: Thursday, home vs Orlando; Friday, at San Antonio; Sunday, home against Bulls? See you then. Oscar says: Let's Go!
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Friday, February 25, 2011
Heat 121 Wizards 113
6 Thoughts
1) Bounce back night on the day after a tough loss to Chicago. And, looooook here, just what the doctor ordered: the Washington Wizards, coming into the game with a 1-27 record on the road. Ahhhhhh, that's more like it. Wizards hung tough behind blur-ish rookie point guard John Wall (24 with 12 dimes) and an unconscious shooting night from Nick Young (38 points on 19 shots), who always lights up the Heat. Miami had enough, though, and eased in with a victory to re-take the number one seed position in the Eastern Conference. Let us do...
2) He's young, he's talented, he's black, he's got a sweet afro - but most of all, Nick Young lights up Dwyane Wade - gave him 38 more tonight. Little known fact, though: young, talented, black men who light up Dwyane Wade hate to get, ummm, re-lit back by the more talented, more blacker, actual Dwyane Wade...or something...Dee Dub gave him 41, on 18-27! And he missed 6 free throws! 18 in the first four minutes of the second quarter! That's 75 points in 24 hours for Dwyane - just another week of work.
3) Okay, last night was something of a nadir for Chris Bosh. He shot 1-18 from the floor. He allowed multiple layups at the rim with minimal effort. He displayed all the urgency of a desk lamp. I received an email from a dude who claimed he tried to choke himself on a slice of pizza midway through the third quarter, just so he wouldn't have to watch Bosh play any more. Okay - I sent it to myself...Early in the game, Heat color commentator Tony Fiorentino said that just because had played poorly in Chicago, Bosh "wasn't going to change the way he plays." Ummm - not sure that was a great idea - I'd try to change it up a little after a 1-18 night...But he's a professional, he's a good player - it was all set up for a big bounce back game tonight, right? Right! It was set-up for that - but it didn't happen! Instead, he was dreadful again. Tentative, drifted, defended with passion only in short bursts. Spo tried to get him touches from different spots on the floor, but he just doesn't look confident right now. Dwyane and LeBron are guys who always play with confidence - they do what they do, regardless of outcomes. Chris isn't that guy, and he is suddenly in a crisis. Scored 15 on 5-12, with 8 rebounds, but even that sounds better than it was. Dwyane and LeBron need to boost him right now - I think sometimes they expect him to fend for himself, because they always fend for themselves. But he isn't as good as they are, or as tough-minded as they are, and as odd as it sounds, they need to help him fight his battles, help him get going. Because for them to get where they want to be at some point over the next couple of years - the finals - he is going to have to get tougher. And just because he isn't tough now, doesn't mean he can't get tougher. You know who they used to say wasn't tough enough? Two-time reigning NBA champ Pau Gasol! You know who else? Hosni Mubarak! And look at those guys now!
4)Any time a new player comes to your team, even a very famous player like LeBron James, we learn things about him that you can’t learn from seeing him play just four or five times a year. You learn things about his actual game, and other aspects of his overall oeuvre. For instance, about LeBron’s game we have learned: it isn’t the high-flying, slam-dunking freak show that we see on highlight montages of him. It is methodical, inexorable, and efficient. He is stubborn – there seems to be a minimum number of dribbles and long jumpers from a half-step inside the three point line (the worst shot in basketball) that he is required to take every game, come Hell or high water. But there is a night in, night out consistency to his play that no other player in the NBA remotely approaches: he is an efficient, high volume scorer every night. He organizes the offense, getting everyone their requisite touches, every night. He is a volume rebounder every night. He defends capably every night. There are no nights off, no real nights where you say, “Ahh, it’s just one of those nights, he just doesn’t have it.” He always has it. It comes so easy, that you always think he can do more, and it can be frustrating. On the other hand, it is so much more than any other player produces nightly, that there is no real basis for comparison. He is the most productive player in the league, and it isn’t even close. He is a freak. A methodical, unimaginative freak – but a freak nonetheless. That’s interesting. But just as interesting are the things you learn about LeBron that don’t have anything to do with his basketball play. All accounts paint him as polite and easy to deal with in the locker room. Numerous players have also cited him as the funniest player in the locker room – which is amazing because his “interview persona” takes the same methodical approach his on court play does. He wears giant headphones in the tunnels of arenas walking into the game. There is nothing – nothing - he loves more than being the first player to sit down on the bench for a timeout – it is the most aggressive part of his personality. On his Twitter account, he loves to exhort people to “Let’s Go!” Last night, we gleaned a new nugget: getting to ready to check back in after his customary beginning-of-the-second-quarter rest on the bench, he stood up, and stripped off in succession: a warmup jacket, then a white long-sleeve t-shirt, then another white long-sleeve t-shirt, to get down to his jersey. That’s four layers! Impressive! I thought I was cool for going Tyreke Evans “hood up” in Connecticut, but I’m going to try out this layering – how many white J.Crew v-neck t-shirts do you think I can get on my body at one time?
5) This game was boring, so I need to take this space to address one thing about last night’s game against Chicago. Apparently we had a Bulls fan read the blog and he wrote in to complain that “you didn’t give the Bulls enough credit for last night’s win.” Also, predictably didn’t like it when I called Bulls center Joakim Noah “one of the prettiest gals in the NBA,” or declared him “a bust.” Chicago dude, I don’t know how much of this blog you have read, but we are coming off a months-long sabbatical due to a borderline nervous breakdown, and to be honest, even at our best, we aren’t exactly basketballreference.com. Bulls are awesome. I love Joakim Noah – I think after Dwight Howard he is the next best center in the NBA, and he is obviously isn’t a bust – that’s an old Fake Steven A. Smith joke contained here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EvJGghOuFlQ. And, to be fair, he does have lovely flowing locks. I would not be shocked – at all – if the Bulls won the championship this year. Don’t want to lose our Chicago readers. Or reader.
6) Big news at Dos Minutos International Headquarters: The Captain is several days into a stellar-looking beard. Rugged! Today someone breathlessly compared him to a still-alive Steve McQueen. Okay – it was me…Don’t know exactly what is troubling The Cap, but I would urge him to remember that: it’s okay to have feelings; it’s okay to reach out for help to talk about those feelings; but it is even better to grow a troubled white man’s beard! Do it, Ryan-Gosling-in-The-Notebook - “It wasn’t over when you left.” “It’s STILL not over!” Yeaaaahhhh! We’ll keep you all posted!
Sunday night: in Miami vs the New Look Knicks! My Melo! The Garden is buzzing, Miami is buzzing, it is like the 90's all over again, but without fighting...so far! C u thn!
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1) Bounce back night on the day after a tough loss to Chicago. And, looooook here, just what the doctor ordered: the Washington Wizards, coming into the game with a 1-27 record on the road. Ahhhhhh, that's more like it. Wizards hung tough behind blur-ish rookie point guard John Wall (24 with 12 dimes) and an unconscious shooting night from Nick Young (38 points on 19 shots), who always lights up the Heat. Miami had enough, though, and eased in with a victory to re-take the number one seed position in the Eastern Conference. Let us do...
2) He's young, he's talented, he's black, he's got a sweet afro - but most of all, Nick Young lights up Dwyane Wade - gave him 38 more tonight. Little known fact, though: young, talented, black men who light up Dwyane Wade hate to get, ummm, re-lit back by the more talented, more blacker, actual Dwyane Wade...or something...Dee Dub gave him 41, on 18-27! And he missed 6 free throws! 18 in the first four minutes of the second quarter! That's 75 points in 24 hours for Dwyane - just another week of work.
3) Okay, last night was something of a nadir for Chris Bosh. He shot 1-18 from the floor. He allowed multiple layups at the rim with minimal effort. He displayed all the urgency of a desk lamp. I received an email from a dude who claimed he tried to choke himself on a slice of pizza midway through the third quarter, just so he wouldn't have to watch Bosh play any more. Okay - I sent it to myself...Early in the game, Heat color commentator Tony Fiorentino said that just because had played poorly in Chicago, Bosh "wasn't going to change the way he plays." Ummm - not sure that was a great idea - I'd try to change it up a little after a 1-18 night...But he's a professional, he's a good player - it was all set up for a big bounce back game tonight, right? Right! It was set-up for that - but it didn't happen! Instead, he was dreadful again. Tentative, drifted, defended with passion only in short bursts. Spo tried to get him touches from different spots on the floor, but he just doesn't look confident right now. Dwyane and LeBron are guys who always play with confidence - they do what they do, regardless of outcomes. Chris isn't that guy, and he is suddenly in a crisis. Scored 15 on 5-12, with 8 rebounds, but even that sounds better than it was. Dwyane and LeBron need to boost him right now - I think sometimes they expect him to fend for himself, because they always fend for themselves. But he isn't as good as they are, or as tough-minded as they are, and as odd as it sounds, they need to help him fight his battles, help him get going. Because for them to get where they want to be at some point over the next couple of years - the finals - he is going to have to get tougher. And just because he isn't tough now, doesn't mean he can't get tougher. You know who they used to say wasn't tough enough? Two-time reigning NBA champ Pau Gasol! You know who else? Hosni Mubarak! And look at those guys now!
4)Any time a new player comes to your team, even a very famous player like LeBron James, we learn things about him that you can’t learn from seeing him play just four or five times a year. You learn things about his actual game, and other aspects of his overall oeuvre. For instance, about LeBron’s game we have learned: it isn’t the high-flying, slam-dunking freak show that we see on highlight montages of him. It is methodical, inexorable, and efficient. He is stubborn – there seems to be a minimum number of dribbles and long jumpers from a half-step inside the three point line (the worst shot in basketball) that he is required to take every game, come Hell or high water. But there is a night in, night out consistency to his play that no other player in the NBA remotely approaches: he is an efficient, high volume scorer every night. He organizes the offense, getting everyone their requisite touches, every night. He is a volume rebounder every night. He defends capably every night. There are no nights off, no real nights where you say, “Ahh, it’s just one of those nights, he just doesn’t have it.” He always has it. It comes so easy, that you always think he can do more, and it can be frustrating. On the other hand, it is so much more than any other player produces nightly, that there is no real basis for comparison. He is the most productive player in the league, and it isn’t even close. He is a freak. A methodical, unimaginative freak – but a freak nonetheless. That’s interesting. But just as interesting are the things you learn about LeBron that don’t have anything to do with his basketball play. All accounts paint him as polite and easy to deal with in the locker room. Numerous players have also cited him as the funniest player in the locker room – which is amazing because his “interview persona” takes the same methodical approach his on court play does. He wears giant headphones in the tunnels of arenas walking into the game. There is nothing – nothing - he loves more than being the first player to sit down on the bench for a timeout – it is the most aggressive part of his personality. On his Twitter account, he loves to exhort people to “Let’s Go!” Last night, we gleaned a new nugget: getting to ready to check back in after his customary beginning-of-the-second-quarter rest on the bench, he stood up, and stripped off in succession: a warmup jacket, then a white long-sleeve t-shirt, then another white long-sleeve t-shirt, to get down to his jersey. That’s four layers! Impressive! I thought I was cool for going Tyreke Evans “hood up” in Connecticut, but I’m going to try out this layering – how many white J.Crew v-neck t-shirts do you think I can get on my body at one time?
5) This game was boring, so I need to take this space to address one thing about last night’s game against Chicago. Apparently we had a Bulls fan read the blog and he wrote in to complain that “you didn’t give the Bulls enough credit for last night’s win.” Also, predictably didn’t like it when I called Bulls center Joakim Noah “one of the prettiest gals in the NBA,” or declared him “a bust.” Chicago dude, I don’t know how much of this blog you have read, but we are coming off a months-long sabbatical due to a borderline nervous breakdown, and to be honest, even at our best, we aren’t exactly basketballreference.com. Bulls are awesome. I love Joakim Noah – I think after Dwight Howard he is the next best center in the NBA, and he is obviously isn’t a bust – that’s an old Fake Steven A. Smith joke contained here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EvJGghOuFlQ. And, to be fair, he does have lovely flowing locks. I would not be shocked – at all – if the Bulls won the championship this year. Don’t want to lose our Chicago readers. Or reader.
6) Big news at Dos Minutos International Headquarters: The Captain is several days into a stellar-looking beard. Rugged! Today someone breathlessly compared him to a still-alive Steve McQueen. Okay – it was me…Don’t know exactly what is troubling The Cap, but I would urge him to remember that: it’s okay to have feelings; it’s okay to reach out for help to talk about those feelings; but it is even better to grow a troubled white man’s beard! Do it, Ryan-Gosling-in-The-Notebook - “It wasn’t over when you left.” “It’s STILL not over!” Yeaaaahhhh! We’ll keep you all posted!
Sunday night: in Miami vs the New Look Knicks! My Melo! The Garden is buzzing, Miami is buzzing, it is like the 90's all over again, but without fighting...so far! C u thn!
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Thursday, February 24, 2011
Bulls 93 Heat 89
6 Thoughts
1) Tough loss. Excruciating loss. Dwyane was good. LeBron was better. They hounded Chicago star, and MVP favorite, Derrick Rose, into a tough shooting night. But on the biggest possession of the game, Rose drove left with LeBron on him, Dwyane took two steps off Luol Deng in the corner to deter Rose's drive, Rose hit Deng, Deng ripped it, and Miami left Chicago with a discouraging loss. Let's go. Blah.
2) Look: I've seen a lot of good people play a lot of bad basketball games...but nothing like this...Oh My Bosh!!! Early in the game, Chris Bosh drove left, took a bump from Carlos Boozer, didn't finish, didn't get a call, and the ball went out of bounds, retained by Miami. They inbounded to Bosh, he drove in between Boozer and Joakim Noah (one of the best looking gals in the league), and got his shot blocked - "check please!" That was it for him. Bosh was d.u.n. Took his game back out to the perimeter - you know, where it's safe - whereupon the ball somehow repeatedly sought him out, over and over again, like Oreos to Oprah. And he missed a jumper. And he missed a jumper. And he missed a jumper. And- you got it now, right? Look, anyone can go 1-18 in a game. Actually, no they can't, BECAUSE YOUR COACH WOULD YAK YOU!!! Spo - Yak the kid! SPO!!!! Worse than the 1-18, though? The absolutely passive effort level. Late in the first half, Luol Deng caught the ball at the three point line, lined up a three. LeBron ran him off the shot, so Deng pulled the ball down and drove - not real fast cuz he's not real fast - from 26 feet and laid the ball gently into the basket while Bosh stared him down - politely - with his head under the rim. It was unconscionable. Everyone else - everyone else - had it dialed to about a 9; he settled in comfortably at about a zero point zero. I was embarrassed for him. I don't know if it was his fault; I don't know if it was Spo's fault; I feel like it might have been this blog's fault - can't be sure. But it was bad, very bad. Okay, let's move on, that was a lot of negativity!
3) You know how I know everyone else had it dialed in? Because LeBron and Wade both drew charges - on purpose - within 40 seconds of each other in the first half. You know how many times that has happened so far this season? Ummmmm - zero? Dwyane Wade: charges drawn in his eight year NBA career, over or under 10? I say under. Way under.
4) Best moment of the game? Easily: first quarter on a run out, Dwyane Wade steamed down the left wing with the ball, suddenly slammed on the brakes, and dropped the ball to a thundering Erick Dampier in the lane for a one giant step, tomahawk crusher, and the foul, which he crisply backspun into the basket!!! Screen that, Joakim Noah: I declare you a bust!!!
5) Another national game, another night off for Eric, Tony, and Jax, another night on for the mealy-mouthed, recently non-minted Hall of Famer Reggie Miller. How he got the job, I don't know - seems pleasant enough, I guess. Used the 'word' "humbleness," when we think he meant "humility." Called a "gimme" a "give me." Really - you played in the NBA for the better part of two decades, and you don't know it's a "gimme?" Really? Best of all was during a highlight when he said that Dwyane "tried to maneuver through three Bull defender," as if "defender" was both singular and plural, like "caribou." Actually - I like that one: remind me to keep using that myself! "Instead of going big, the Heat opted to go small, and space the floor with more shooter!" Yeah, Reggie Miller, I like it!
6) Ok, thanks for all the emails welcoming me back. Most people think that me going to therapy was one of my little make-it-ups, but no, it is true. But if you don't believe me, that's ok, because everything is ok! That's what my therapist says. One reader was like, "Glad to have you back - I could tell you were a little rusty." Thanks! 'Preciate it! I got another announcement. When Dwyane goes, I'm done. When he leaves the Heat, I stop watching basketball with any regularity. Why? First of all, I love to retire from things. About a decade ago, I retired from team sports, like, rec leagues and what-not. Then I retired from playing racquetball with my friend, then I retired from my friend with whom I played racquetball, and we aren't friends anymore. At one point I retired from eating bread, although I have softened on that a little. Retiring is awesome. I love going out on top: "Hey, I'm not going to taste a nine grain wheat any better than this - I'm laaaaater!" Second of all, I was watching the Connecticut basketball game right before the Heat game (the dreaded back-to-back loss), and all of a sudden I looked at M.Minutos and, way too excitedly, exclaimed: "Hey, that's former NBA ref Sean Corbin reffing this UConn game!" And it was...Let's just say that if you know that, you know you are watching too much basketball. So when Dwyane's done; I'm done...
Well, if we can recover from this deboshcle, we'll be back tomorrow night for a game against the Bullets. La-ter!
-----
1) Tough loss. Excruciating loss. Dwyane was good. LeBron was better. They hounded Chicago star, and MVP favorite, Derrick Rose, into a tough shooting night. But on the biggest possession of the game, Rose drove left with LeBron on him, Dwyane took two steps off Luol Deng in the corner to deter Rose's drive, Rose hit Deng, Deng ripped it, and Miami left Chicago with a discouraging loss. Let's go. Blah.
2) Look: I've seen a lot of good people play a lot of bad basketball games...but nothing like this...Oh My Bosh!!! Early in the game, Chris Bosh drove left, took a bump from Carlos Boozer, didn't finish, didn't get a call, and the ball went out of bounds, retained by Miami. They inbounded to Bosh, he drove in between Boozer and Joakim Noah (one of the best looking gals in the league), and got his shot blocked - "check please!" That was it for him. Bosh was d.u.n. Took his game back out to the perimeter - you know, where it's safe - whereupon the ball somehow repeatedly sought him out, over and over again, like Oreos to Oprah. And he missed a jumper. And he missed a jumper. And he missed a jumper. And- you got it now, right? Look, anyone can go 1-18 in a game. Actually, no they can't, BECAUSE YOUR COACH WOULD YAK YOU!!! Spo - Yak the kid! SPO!!!! Worse than the 1-18, though? The absolutely passive effort level. Late in the first half, Luol Deng caught the ball at the three point line, lined up a three. LeBron ran him off the shot, so Deng pulled the ball down and drove - not real fast cuz he's not real fast - from 26 feet and laid the ball gently into the basket while Bosh stared him down - politely - with his head under the rim. It was unconscionable. Everyone else - everyone else - had it dialed to about a 9; he settled in comfortably at about a zero point zero. I was embarrassed for him. I don't know if it was his fault; I don't know if it was Spo's fault; I feel like it might have been this blog's fault - can't be sure. But it was bad, very bad. Okay, let's move on, that was a lot of negativity!
3) You know how I know everyone else had it dialed in? Because LeBron and Wade both drew charges - on purpose - within 40 seconds of each other in the first half. You know how many times that has happened so far this season? Ummmmm - zero? Dwyane Wade: charges drawn in his eight year NBA career, over or under 10? I say under. Way under.
4) Best moment of the game? Easily: first quarter on a run out, Dwyane Wade steamed down the left wing with the ball, suddenly slammed on the brakes, and dropped the ball to a thundering Erick Dampier in the lane for a one giant step, tomahawk crusher, and the foul, which he crisply backspun into the basket!!! Screen that, Joakim Noah: I declare you a bust!!!
5) Another national game, another night off for Eric, Tony, and Jax, another night on for the mealy-mouthed, recently non-minted Hall of Famer Reggie Miller. How he got the job, I don't know - seems pleasant enough, I guess. Used the 'word' "humbleness," when we think he meant "humility." Called a "gimme" a "give me." Really - you played in the NBA for the better part of two decades, and you don't know it's a "gimme?" Really? Best of all was during a highlight when he said that Dwyane "tried to maneuver through three Bull defender," as if "defender" was both singular and plural, like "caribou." Actually - I like that one: remind me to keep using that myself! "Instead of going big, the Heat opted to go small, and space the floor with more shooter!" Yeah, Reggie Miller, I like it!
6) Ok, thanks for all the emails welcoming me back. Most people think that me going to therapy was one of my little make-it-ups, but no, it is true. But if you don't believe me, that's ok, because everything is ok! That's what my therapist says. One reader was like, "Glad to have you back - I could tell you were a little rusty." Thanks! 'Preciate it! I got another announcement. When Dwyane goes, I'm done. When he leaves the Heat, I stop watching basketball with any regularity. Why? First of all, I love to retire from things. About a decade ago, I retired from team sports, like, rec leagues and what-not. Then I retired from playing racquetball with my friend, then I retired from my friend with whom I played racquetball, and we aren't friends anymore. At one point I retired from eating bread, although I have softened on that a little. Retiring is awesome. I love going out on top: "Hey, I'm not going to taste a nine grain wheat any better than this - I'm laaaaater!" Second of all, I was watching the Connecticut basketball game right before the Heat game (the dreaded back-to-back loss), and all of a sudden I looked at M.Minutos and, way too excitedly, exclaimed: "Hey, that's former NBA ref Sean Corbin reffing this UConn game!" And it was...Let's just say that if you know that, you know you are watching too much basketball. So when Dwyane's done; I'm done...
Well, if we can recover from this deboshcle, we'll be back tomorrow night for a game against the Bullets. La-ter!
-----
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Heat 117 Kings 97
6 Thoughts
1) ...aaannnnndddd, we're back! What? Where have we been? Long story - more on that down in #6. Our last post was November 13th - that's like three and a half months ago. Jesus- I knew that game schedule I printed up off the interweb was wrong! Anyways, we are not even going to recap the chunk of the season we missed because we have already done it in emails to most people who read this blog, or at least the ones who know anything about basketball, which isn't that many of you, frankly, and also because it would take a super-long time. Miami was 6-4 when we left off, and feeling like a disaster; after tonight's game, 42-15, so things are looking a lot, you know, better. That should suffice as a recap. Let's just pretend we never left off, shall we? So, without no further ado: Let's Go!
2) The Sacramento Kings, not the most talented group in the world to begin with, came to the game in Miami without talented, but mouth-breathing, and over-over-over shooting lead guard Tyreke Evans, left behind in Sacramento with foot problems (over Christmas, in Connecticut, I had to go "hood up" on a parka to keep the biting cold off of my delicate neck, severely limiting my peripheral vision - "Look, I'm like Tyreke Evans," I pointed out to M.Minutos). Noting Evans' absence, Heat color commentator Tony Fiorentino related that he once considered chopping one of his own feet clear off just to avoid having to make a road trip to Sacramento...just kidding, he loves Sacramento, although he and Eric Reid sounded just a little bit too happy that the Kings are considering relocating to Anaheim next year. When Evans stayed in California, this game was pretty much over. Miami led by 19 after one, it wasn't even really that close, and it didn't get no closer...
3) Out of the Miami starting lineup: Zydrunas Ilgauskas. None too soon since he had become the Heat player most likely to cause a self-inflicted serious head wound in Casa Dos out of frustration with his play. In to the Miami starting lineup: the Screen du Jour, Erick Dampier. Seeking out screening opportunities all over the court. Constantly. Like, all the time...
4) Sacramento rookie DeMarcus Cousins is, how shall we say this, a little bit "spirited." He fights with coaches. He fights with teammates. He fought with his college coach. He is 7 feet tall and takes a ton of bad jump shots. He has the perpetual look of a man who was sitting alone in an empty subway car, and then you entered the subway car, looked around at all the empty seats, and then walked over and sat down right next to him. He is wearing his headband backwards. I mean, he's doin' it all. Eric Reid, in describing him, called him "a very passionate man." Yes, for a borderline psychopath. He also loves fine wines from Provence, Chinese architecture, and slapping small dogs. Love that DeMarcus Cousins - missed his first 8 shots on his way to a solid 3-14 in 28 minutes.
5) The game, as we said, was super-boring, so there was a lot of time to talk about other things for Eric and Tony. You would imagine that they enjoyed All-Star Weekend, right? Especially the dunk contest, right? I mean, Blake Griffin dunked over a car! Oh, no - they did not love that: "I didn't like it at all," grouched Eric, "the dunk contest is getting out of hand when you start bringing props like cars out there. The NBA needs to reel it in and get back to emphasizing the art of dunking..." Wow. You know who loved it, though? DeMarcus Cousins.
6) So. Where. Have. I. Been? Well, it's like this - in late fall I felt like I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown? Why? Because I am an aging angsty white boy - that's what we do! The why is not really important. What is important is how I'm dealing with my problems: therapy! Boy, I love therapy. One hour a week just talking about myself: Love It! There are three things that I especially enjoy about my therapy sessions: 1) Swearing is allowed; 2) My therapist has taught me that feelings are okay. It's okay to be angry. It's okay to be happy. Everything - every thing - is a-ok!...More importantly, in my case, it is also okay to not have feelings! "I don't feel like I have empathy for other people." "Who says you have to have empathy for other people?" "Great!"; 3) Every Tuesday night, after my hour, I drive home on Military Trail in West Palm Beach, making a quick stop at a convenience store at the corner of Military and Belvedere to get a pop for the drive home while I am reveling in my lack of empathy - 'cuz it's okay. I drive by that corner all the time - it is only five miles from my office - but I have never stopped there until I started my therapy. Jeepers Creepers, that's a suspect freakin' place. It doesn't look bad, but it feels bad, I can just feel the danger around that corner - every person on that corner is unsavory, every time I get out of my car, I feel there is a thirty percent chance I'm getting mugged, even though I'm a powerful 6'1", 180 pounds. The dude who works at the counter looks like an Indian Mr. Grinch, and he is constantly in some sort of skirmish with a "customer," tonight a young woman who claimed that she should be allowed to write him a check for a pack of cigarettes because she left her wallet at home, although she, you know, remembered her checkbook. Last week I was standing in line to pay for my pop, I was like second in line, and there were like four people behind me, and this scruffy black gentleman comes in the door, sizes up the line, then comes over to me, hands me a crumpled up dollar and goes, "Bruh, can you just get me a Philly Blunt?" I didn't know what to do - I didn't want to be unhelpful (even though I lack empathy for others), but I could also feel the eyes of the four people in line behind me boring into the back of my skull. Also, I don't really know what a Philly Blunt is - I mean, I have heard of it because Marky Mark is always rapping about it on my- I mean M.Minutos' - ipod, and I assume it is some sort of cigar, but I'm not too sure. By the way, I was the whitest person in the store, by far. So I just kind of say, "yeah," and take the dollar, and then I get up to the front of the line, and put my pop on the counter and tell Indian Grinch, "May I also have a Philly Blunt, please," and he's like, "What flavor," and I'm like, "A Philly Blunt," and he is like, "What. Flavor." And I'm like, "oh," and I just turn to the gentleman waiting over by the door for whom I'm making the purchase, and he is like, "Any flavor, it don't matter," so I turn back to Indian Grinch, and I'm like, "What flavors do you have," and the four people in line behind me make a sound like this: "Uhhhhnmnnfffffckkkkkk..." Finally, Indian Grinch just shoves one small cigar-looking thing on to the counter in front of me, goes, "Peach?" and I look over at my patron in the doorway, and he nods, and I say "Ok," and pay for it, but in my mind I'm thinking, "Peach - kind of faggy..." Anyways, therapy is pretty awesome. I might not be making a lot of progress, technically speaking, but I'm feeling a whole lot better.
See you Thursday night, we will hopefully be continuing to do what we do...
-----
1) ...aaannnnndddd, we're back! What? Where have we been? Long story - more on that down in #6. Our last post was November 13th - that's like three and a half months ago. Jesus- I knew that game schedule I printed up off the interweb was wrong! Anyways, we are not even going to recap the chunk of the season we missed because we have already done it in emails to most people who read this blog, or at least the ones who know anything about basketball, which isn't that many of you, frankly, and also because it would take a super-long time. Miami was 6-4 when we left off, and feeling like a disaster; after tonight's game, 42-15, so things are looking a lot, you know, better. That should suffice as a recap. Let's just pretend we never left off, shall we? So, without no further ado: Let's Go!
2) The Sacramento Kings, not the most talented group in the world to begin with, came to the game in Miami without talented, but mouth-breathing, and over-over-over shooting lead guard Tyreke Evans, left behind in Sacramento with foot problems (over Christmas, in Connecticut, I had to go "hood up" on a parka to keep the biting cold off of my delicate neck, severely limiting my peripheral vision - "Look, I'm like Tyreke Evans," I pointed out to M.Minutos). Noting Evans' absence, Heat color commentator Tony Fiorentino related that he once considered chopping one of his own feet clear off just to avoid having to make a road trip to Sacramento...just kidding, he loves Sacramento, although he and Eric Reid sounded just a little bit too happy that the Kings are considering relocating to Anaheim next year. When Evans stayed in California, this game was pretty much over. Miami led by 19 after one, it wasn't even really that close, and it didn't get no closer...
3) Out of the Miami starting lineup: Zydrunas Ilgauskas. None too soon since he had become the Heat player most likely to cause a self-inflicted serious head wound in Casa Dos out of frustration with his play. In to the Miami starting lineup: the Screen du Jour, Erick Dampier. Seeking out screening opportunities all over the court. Constantly. Like, all the time...
4) Sacramento rookie DeMarcus Cousins is, how shall we say this, a little bit "spirited." He fights with coaches. He fights with teammates. He fought with his college coach. He is 7 feet tall and takes a ton of bad jump shots. He has the perpetual look of a man who was sitting alone in an empty subway car, and then you entered the subway car, looked around at all the empty seats, and then walked over and sat down right next to him. He is wearing his headband backwards. I mean, he's doin' it all. Eric Reid, in describing him, called him "a very passionate man." Yes, for a borderline psychopath. He also loves fine wines from Provence, Chinese architecture, and slapping small dogs. Love that DeMarcus Cousins - missed his first 8 shots on his way to a solid 3-14 in 28 minutes.
5) The game, as we said, was super-boring, so there was a lot of time to talk about other things for Eric and Tony. You would imagine that they enjoyed All-Star Weekend, right? Especially the dunk contest, right? I mean, Blake Griffin dunked over a car! Oh, no - they did not love that: "I didn't like it at all," grouched Eric, "the dunk contest is getting out of hand when you start bringing props like cars out there. The NBA needs to reel it in and get back to emphasizing the art of dunking..." Wow. You know who loved it, though? DeMarcus Cousins.
6) So. Where. Have. I. Been? Well, it's like this - in late fall I felt like I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown? Why? Because I am an aging angsty white boy - that's what we do! The why is not really important. What is important is how I'm dealing with my problems: therapy! Boy, I love therapy. One hour a week just talking about myself: Love It! There are three things that I especially enjoy about my therapy sessions: 1) Swearing is allowed; 2) My therapist has taught me that feelings are okay. It's okay to be angry. It's okay to be happy. Everything - every thing - is a-ok!...More importantly, in my case, it is also okay to not have feelings! "I don't feel like I have empathy for other people." "Who says you have to have empathy for other people?" "Great!"; 3) Every Tuesday night, after my hour, I drive home on Military Trail in West Palm Beach, making a quick stop at a convenience store at the corner of Military and Belvedere to get a pop for the drive home while I am reveling in my lack of empathy - 'cuz it's okay. I drive by that corner all the time - it is only five miles from my office - but I have never stopped there until I started my therapy. Jeepers Creepers, that's a suspect freakin' place. It doesn't look bad, but it feels bad, I can just feel the danger around that corner - every person on that corner is unsavory, every time I get out of my car, I feel there is a thirty percent chance I'm getting mugged, even though I'm a powerful 6'1", 180 pounds. The dude who works at the counter looks like an Indian Mr. Grinch, and he is constantly in some sort of skirmish with a "customer," tonight a young woman who claimed that she should be allowed to write him a check for a pack of cigarettes because she left her wallet at home, although she, you know, remembered her checkbook. Last week I was standing in line to pay for my pop, I was like second in line, and there were like four people behind me, and this scruffy black gentleman comes in the door, sizes up the line, then comes over to me, hands me a crumpled up dollar and goes, "Bruh, can you just get me a Philly Blunt?" I didn't know what to do - I didn't want to be unhelpful (even though I lack empathy for others), but I could also feel the eyes of the four people in line behind me boring into the back of my skull. Also, I don't really know what a Philly Blunt is - I mean, I have heard of it because Marky Mark is always rapping about it on my- I mean M.Minutos' - ipod, and I assume it is some sort of cigar, but I'm not too sure. By the way, I was the whitest person in the store, by far. So I just kind of say, "yeah," and take the dollar, and then I get up to the front of the line, and put my pop on the counter and tell Indian Grinch, "May I also have a Philly Blunt, please," and he's like, "What flavor," and I'm like, "A Philly Blunt," and he is like, "What. Flavor." And I'm like, "oh," and I just turn to the gentleman waiting over by the door for whom I'm making the purchase, and he is like, "Any flavor, it don't matter," so I turn back to Indian Grinch, and I'm like, "What flavors do you have," and the four people in line behind me make a sound like this: "Uhhhhnmnnfffffckkkkkk..." Finally, Indian Grinch just shoves one small cigar-looking thing on to the counter in front of me, goes, "Peach?" and I look over at my patron in the doorway, and he nods, and I say "Ok," and pay for it, but in my mind I'm thinking, "Peach - kind of faggy..." Anyways, therapy is pretty awesome. I might not be making a lot of progress, technically speaking, but I'm feeling a whole lot better.
See you Thursday night, we will hopefully be continuing to do what we do...
-----
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Heat 109 Raptors 100
6 Thoughts
1) Ahhhh, Toronto. It was good to see them. Life's a lot easier against the Torontos, New Jerseys, and Philadelphias of the world than the Bostons and Utahs. Dull, dull game, but good to win one. Miami got up big, let off the gas in the fourth quarter - again - before DWade regained control and Miami cruised in. Let's Go...Actually, let's not go, let's stay right here, and just play Toronto over and over...
2) Offensive Report: The offense still looks stagnant. But, yet, against Boston it scored over 100 points against the best defensive team in the league, and it dropped 109 tonight. Wade had 31 on 11-16 and James had 23 on 8-21. Of the 13 shots that James missed, about 10 were plays that you were characterize as "a brutal decision," bad, stagnant jump shots. Other times, he probed into the lane, got to 10 feet, and instead of elevating and finishing, opted to pitch out to shooters. He is still problematic with his decision making. Overall, Miami shot 50% from the floor, and 36 free throws, so it's tough to be too critical. Doesn't look fluid yet, though.
3) Defensive Report: Defensively it is a different story right now. The results are not there, and it is obvious why: the effort level was a little low. Both LeBron James, and to lesser degree, Dwyane Wade, have to lock on their man more, and make it more challenging for the opposition to move the ball. There is nothing wrong with Toronto as an offensive group - they can shoot it - so you have to make it more difficult for them to get it to the spots on the court where they want to shoot from. James, in particular, had the defensive intensity dialed up to about a 1.5.
4) One Thing We Learned About Tony Fiorentino Tonight: 6 feet 2 inches tall. I would have guessed 5'10". Good for him - that's solid height.
5) Best Moment of the Game: When Toronto's Italian big man Andrea Bargiani missed a tough jumper off the dribble and Tony said "He just forced a bad shot, even though he's Italian." Trust me - it was a really dull game...
6) Earlier this season we recounted a story in which we pointed out that Lenny Kravitz' second album, "Mama Said," is a classic, just an old-school-y emotion fest about challenging relationships, while his third album, "Are You Gonna Go My Way," is a hacky, gimmicky step back for Kravitz which mostly signaled the beginning of the end for him as a really important artist. Also, that someone associated with this blog hurled it across his lawn in a (justifiable) moment of rage against an ex-girlfriend...This led to an interweb conference thread between two Dos readers, M.Minutos and T.H.A. which resulted in one of them asking whether it was possible that Lenny Kravitz had knocked around his one-time wife, Lisa Bonet, at all, to which the other replied that if he had, it was probably because she was so annoying. First of all, I'd like to say that I would have commented on this sooner, but I was busy answering racist emails from R.Minutos. Second of all: how dare you two? Never, ever, ever say anything derogatory about sweet, sexy little Lisa Bonet again. Ever! Let me tell you something: for a young white ingenue growing up in Connecticut with no black people around except for the occasional basketball player bused in to the public high school, which I wasn't even allowed to go to because I had problems with my ability to focus, when Lisa Bonet first exploded on to The Cosby Show, and into my consciousness, wearing armpit-high parachute pants and brightly colored berets, proudly flaunting her obvious racially mixed heritage, and sassy Earth-girl persona, it was a sexual revolution in my mind, and in my trousers. I was, like, Oh, you mean there is something out there beyond prepped-out Jennifer Grey look-alikes who wear sweaters, slacks, and care about their careers? Really? I'm in in - Let's Go!!! And just look at me now, boy, just look at me now!...
Not even sure when the next game is - I think Wednesday against Phoenix. Let. Us. Go.
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1) Ahhhh, Toronto. It was good to see them. Life's a lot easier against the Torontos, New Jerseys, and Philadelphias of the world than the Bostons and Utahs. Dull, dull game, but good to win one. Miami got up big, let off the gas in the fourth quarter - again - before DWade regained control and Miami cruised in. Let's Go...Actually, let's not go, let's stay right here, and just play Toronto over and over...
2) Offensive Report: The offense still looks stagnant. But, yet, against Boston it scored over 100 points against the best defensive team in the league, and it dropped 109 tonight. Wade had 31 on 11-16 and James had 23 on 8-21. Of the 13 shots that James missed, about 10 were plays that you were characterize as "a brutal decision," bad, stagnant jump shots. Other times, he probed into the lane, got to 10 feet, and instead of elevating and finishing, opted to pitch out to shooters. He is still problematic with his decision making. Overall, Miami shot 50% from the floor, and 36 free throws, so it's tough to be too critical. Doesn't look fluid yet, though.
3) Defensive Report: Defensively it is a different story right now. The results are not there, and it is obvious why: the effort level was a little low. Both LeBron James, and to lesser degree, Dwyane Wade, have to lock on their man more, and make it more challenging for the opposition to move the ball. There is nothing wrong with Toronto as an offensive group - they can shoot it - so you have to make it more difficult for them to get it to the spots on the court where they want to shoot from. James, in particular, had the defensive intensity dialed up to about a 1.5.
4) One Thing We Learned About Tony Fiorentino Tonight: 6 feet 2 inches tall. I would have guessed 5'10". Good for him - that's solid height.
5) Best Moment of the Game: When Toronto's Italian big man Andrea Bargiani missed a tough jumper off the dribble and Tony said "He just forced a bad shot, even though he's Italian." Trust me - it was a really dull game...
6) Earlier this season we recounted a story in which we pointed out that Lenny Kravitz' second album, "Mama Said," is a classic, just an old-school-y emotion fest about challenging relationships, while his third album, "Are You Gonna Go My Way," is a hacky, gimmicky step back for Kravitz which mostly signaled the beginning of the end for him as a really important artist. Also, that someone associated with this blog hurled it across his lawn in a (justifiable) moment of rage against an ex-girlfriend...This led to an interweb conference thread between two Dos readers, M.Minutos and T.H.A. which resulted in one of them asking whether it was possible that Lenny Kravitz had knocked around his one-time wife, Lisa Bonet, at all, to which the other replied that if he had, it was probably because she was so annoying. First of all, I'd like to say that I would have commented on this sooner, but I was busy answering racist emails from R.Minutos. Second of all: how dare you two? Never, ever, ever say anything derogatory about sweet, sexy little Lisa Bonet again. Ever! Let me tell you something: for a young white ingenue growing up in Connecticut with no black people around except for the occasional basketball player bused in to the public high school, which I wasn't even allowed to go to because I had problems with my ability to focus, when Lisa Bonet first exploded on to The Cosby Show, and into my consciousness, wearing armpit-high parachute pants and brightly colored berets, proudly flaunting her obvious racially mixed heritage, and sassy Earth-girl persona, it was a sexual revolution in my mind, and in my trousers. I was, like, Oh, you mean there is something out there beyond prepped-out Jennifer Grey look-alikes who wear sweaters, slacks, and care about their careers? Really? I'm in in - Let's Go!!! And just look at me now, boy, just look at me now!...
Not even sure when the next game is - I think Wednesday against Phoenix. Let. Us. Go.
-----
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Celtics 112 Heat 107
6 Thoughts
1) M.Minutos: "How can you even write about that game?" Dos Minutos: "Because that's how we do! Let's go!"
2) That didn't go well at all! It was just like the first matchup on opening night in Boston: watch the Celtics shoot about 90 percent from the floor, climb back in to it, then lose at the end. And Dwyane Wade was terrible tonight, just like opening night in Boston: 2-12 for 8 points. Maybe we did anger the basketball gods!
3) Full disclosure: there was something wrong with my cable feed, so large chunks of the game looked like they were being played in Matrix-style scramble-vision - which, frankly, I enjoyed. If I have to watch Joel Anthony give up one more layup while he is standing with his head under the rim, I'm going to throw my workboot through the new tv. I don't even own workboots - I'm from Connecticut - but I'll go buy some just to do it. Dick's Sporting Goods just opened near my house. Dick's!
4) I feel badly for Spo. The Heat are struggling right now - that's fairly obvious. The problems are numerous: they get bullied in the paint; their offense is not cohesive, and there is too much standing around; Chris Bosh joue comme une fille...Do I think they will figure it out? Yes, I think they will figure it out. But for the time being, everyone is going to pile on Spo because the team is struggling, because he is not white, and because he is not Pat Riley. Do I think Riley is going to come down and coach again? I think it would have to get a lot worse. And I don't honestly believe that he wants to...But isn't there some small part of him, some bit of ego, like we all have, that, even now, is imagining the day when Wade and James come to his office, and they are like, "Coach, we need you," and he's like, "Nah, guys, I'm done, I'm washed up," and they are like, "No - you are the only one who can fix this," and he is like, "When I killed that small forward in Sacramento, I promised myself I would get out, and stay out," and they are like, "Coach - you did it before; you can do it again - we believe in you - you are the best..." Looooong, soulful pause, a look down at the floor, then he stands up and looks them square in the eyes: "Okay, my n*ggaz, here's what we are going to do..."
5) Okay, fellas, depressing game tonight, so we are switching gears early, going to answer some mail here at #5. Why? I thought I told you in #1: this is how we do!
Our favorite reader, R.Minutos, emailed us a question yesterday. Here goes – just so you know in advance, this is word-for-word, this had nothing to do with me:
“What is up with the influx of Indian (not casino, but curry) FHP troopers? I just got a ticket yesterday on 95 going 83 in a 65 speed zone. This is my second ticket and both troopers were pudgy, looked 12, and smelled like pungent curry sauce. Did I mention I hate the `popo?’
First of all, this is the most racist question we have ever received here, so congratulations on that. Second of all, you’re driving too fast. Slow down and enjoy life as a white man in America. Third of all, your email was so inappropriate in so many ways, that I may be reconsidering my position on the po-lice...
6) That wasn't the end of R.Minutos' email. He also wanted to give some dating advice specifically for the Dos audience. He knows, like I do, that there are a lot of lonely fellas out there in our audience looking for love, and we want to try our best to keep them away from the hookers. At least the really nasty street ones - the ones from legitimate escort services are probably pretty okay. Here's R.Minutos' favorite pickup move:
New move for my single, and straying married, friends. Next time you are at dinner and see a hot girl, or in [a mutual associate's] case, a hot guy, write a tic tac toe board on a napkin, mark a spot on the board then write your move and have the waiter (give waiter/waitress a tip to deliver) deliver it to your soon-to-be naughty-naughty. Keep an eye on the waiter and then give a slight waive and pantomime to write back. Then go back to your dinner. If all goes well the napkin should bounce between tables a few times. Once done, take the napkin over to her table and say either 1) it looks like you won my little game and I owe you a drink, I am heading over to the bar, you should join me. Or 2) I was trying to let you win, you kinda owe me a drink, but I won't hold you to it. I am heading to the bar, you should join me. This move crushes, and has worked wonders, except for this one pissed off boyfriend in Philly. Good will hunting and LET'S GO!!!
2 Thoughts: 1) The one part I don't get is how dumb are we assuming the girl is? I mean, after you write the tic tac toe board, make the first move, and send the waiter over to her with it, why do you have to pantomime to her to write on the napkin? She is too dumb to figure that out? Personally, I like smart girls, because I really like to talk to them. 2) All that notwithstanding, I don't see any possible scenario in which this doesn't work perfectly. Well done, Ho-renzo Lamas!!!
See you on Saturday night for Toronto - Chris Bosh's old team. Allez!!!
-----
1) M.Minutos: "How can you even write about that game?" Dos Minutos: "Because that's how we do! Let's go!"
2) That didn't go well at all! It was just like the first matchup on opening night in Boston: watch the Celtics shoot about 90 percent from the floor, climb back in to it, then lose at the end. And Dwyane Wade was terrible tonight, just like opening night in Boston: 2-12 for 8 points. Maybe we did anger the basketball gods!
3) Full disclosure: there was something wrong with my cable feed, so large chunks of the game looked like they were being played in Matrix-style scramble-vision - which, frankly, I enjoyed. If I have to watch Joel Anthony give up one more layup while he is standing with his head under the rim, I'm going to throw my workboot through the new tv. I don't even own workboots - I'm from Connecticut - but I'll go buy some just to do it. Dick's Sporting Goods just opened near my house. Dick's!
4) I feel badly for Spo. The Heat are struggling right now - that's fairly obvious. The problems are numerous: they get bullied in the paint; their offense is not cohesive, and there is too much standing around; Chris Bosh joue comme une fille...Do I think they will figure it out? Yes, I think they will figure it out. But for the time being, everyone is going to pile on Spo because the team is struggling, because he is not white, and because he is not Pat Riley. Do I think Riley is going to come down and coach again? I think it would have to get a lot worse. And I don't honestly believe that he wants to...But isn't there some small part of him, some bit of ego, like we all have, that, even now, is imagining the day when Wade and James come to his office, and they are like, "Coach, we need you," and he's like, "Nah, guys, I'm done, I'm washed up," and they are like, "No - you are the only one who can fix this," and he is like, "When I killed that small forward in Sacramento, I promised myself I would get out, and stay out," and they are like, "Coach - you did it before; you can do it again - we believe in you - you are the best..." Looooong, soulful pause, a look down at the floor, then he stands up and looks them square in the eyes: "Okay, my n*ggaz, here's what we are going to do..."
5) Okay, fellas, depressing game tonight, so we are switching gears early, going to answer some mail here at #5. Why? I thought I told you in #1: this is how we do!
Our favorite reader, R.Minutos, emailed us a question yesterday. Here goes – just so you know in advance, this is word-for-word, this had nothing to do with me:
“What is up with the influx of Indian (not casino, but curry) FHP troopers? I just got a ticket yesterday on 95 going 83 in a 65 speed zone. This is my second ticket and both troopers were pudgy, looked 12, and smelled like pungent curry sauce. Did I mention I hate the `popo?’
First of all, this is the most racist question we have ever received here, so congratulations on that. Second of all, you’re driving too fast. Slow down and enjoy life as a white man in America. Third of all, your email was so inappropriate in so many ways, that I may be reconsidering my position on the po-lice...
6) That wasn't the end of R.Minutos' email. He also wanted to give some dating advice specifically for the Dos audience. He knows, like I do, that there are a lot of lonely fellas out there in our audience looking for love, and we want to try our best to keep them away from the hookers. At least the really nasty street ones - the ones from legitimate escort services are probably pretty okay. Here's R.Minutos' favorite pickup move:
New move for my single, and straying married, friends. Next time you are at dinner and see a hot girl, or in [a mutual associate's] case, a hot guy, write a tic tac toe board on a napkin, mark a spot on the board then write your move and have the waiter (give waiter/waitress a tip to deliver) deliver it to your soon-to-be naughty-naughty. Keep an eye on the waiter and then give a slight waive and pantomime to write back. Then go back to your dinner. If all goes well the napkin should bounce between tables a few times. Once done, take the napkin over to her table and say either 1) it looks like you won my little game and I owe you a drink, I am heading over to the bar, you should join me. Or 2) I was trying to let you win, you kinda owe me a drink, but I won't hold you to it. I am heading to the bar, you should join me. This move crushes, and has worked wonders, except for this one pissed off boyfriend in Philly. Good will hunting and LET'S GO!!!
2 Thoughts: 1) The one part I don't get is how dumb are we assuming the girl is? I mean, after you write the tic tac toe board, make the first move, and send the waiter over to her with it, why do you have to pantomime to her to write on the napkin? She is too dumb to figure that out? Personally, I like smart girls, because I really like to talk to them. 2) All that notwithstanding, I don't see any possible scenario in which this doesn't work perfectly. Well done, Ho-renzo Lamas!!!
See you on Saturday night for Toronto - Chris Bosh's old team. Allez!!!
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