6 Thoughts
1) 1!
2) The Heat's win wrapped up the #1 seed in the East playoffs. They have a 2 loss lead on the Spurs for the #1 seed overall, which I don't think they care about pursuing. If you are tough enough to get to the NBA Finals, you're tough enough to go dig out a game or two on the road. There were only 11 games left heading into tonight, and this could be the last time this regular season that we see all of the three All-Stars playing in a game together. Preventative maintenance, you know. But even on a night that should have totally meaningless and uneventful, something amazing and exciting happened, as it almost always seems to with this team, especially this season. Mario "Emcee" Chalmers sat out with a sore ankle, so KJ James started at the point. In the first 2 minutes of the game, he had two horrific turnovers - plays where he simply threw passes right to New Orleans. Then, late in the first quarter, he made a triple. Then another. Then another. Then was teeing up another to end the quarter, but Ryan Anderson fouled him - 2 free throws. Then the second quarter started and he made another, then a two in transition with his right foot barely on the three point line. Then another triple. Then a pullup jumper in transition, then started down the court in transition again, everyone knew he was going to pull up for a three - I said to M.Minutos "this is going up" - and he did, and it went in. Eight straight jumpers, six of them threes, 28 points with 8 minutes to go in the second quarter, 20 point lead: ballgame. Goodness. The New Orleans crowd was giving him the "we're not worthy" bow. They were - we are all - witnesses...He came back in and never forced anything the rest of the night, just put it in cruise control and finished with 36 points on 20 shots, 7-10 triples, in only 3 quarters of work. Miami shot 60% from the floor for the game, and made 14-27 threes. Even their "boring" games are exciting. Best. Season. Ever.
3) Play of the game, runner-up: in the second quarter, with the game already well out of hand, Hornets rookie Darius Miller had the ball isolated against Mike Miller, who started in place of Emcee Chalmers. Darius Miller put the ball on the floor, and spun hard right, and when Mike Miller leaned in that direction to politely feign resistance, Darius Miller doubled-reverse-corkscrew-spun back to the left past Mike Miller, gyroscoped towards the rim, and shot an uncontested two foot runner eight feet over the basket. That's one stop for Mike Miller! Congratulations, Spin Cycle, you just faked out Mike Miller, kind of. Newsflash: if the Heat assign Mike Miller to guard you, they aren't too worried about you scoring.
4) Play of the game, winner: a minute later, on the other end of the court, Mike Miller set up shop on the high right wing, above the three point line, where he likes to catch and fire threes. All of a sudden, like he was shot out of a cannon...okay, like he was shot out of a low-caliber air rifle...okay, like he just ran as fast as he could, which isn't that fast, he took off towards the basket, Bosh back-screened Brian Roberts, Dwyane Wade lofted the ball 25 feet in the air, and Miller rose, caught it, and flushed it! SEND IT IN, MICHAEL MIL-LAR!!! DOING IT ON BOTH ENDS!!! LIVE BY THE MIKE MILLER...LIVE BY THE MIKE MILLER!!!
5) There are only two sources of news in the NBA that people are interested in right now: one, what the Miami Heat are doing; and two, what the other 29 teams are doing. And, honestly, 90% of what the other teams are doing is Lakers news, and people are already pretty tired of that. Every single thing Miami does, no matter how small or insignificant, becomes newsworthy to everyone else around the league. For instance, after Wednesday's loss to the Bulls, KJ James politely told reporters that he was a little frustrated with the number of hits he takes in games, especially above the shoulders, and feels that sometimes they cross the line, and are no longer basketball plays. That's not debatable, it's factual. Anyone can watch a sampling of Heat games and see that is true. GFOB Plumber, a huge Nets fan, pointed out that if the Hinrich and Gibson fouls from that night had been committed on Michael Jordan back in the day, play would have been stopped, and the Bulls would have been awarded a forfeit victory in that game, and the next two on their schedule. ESPN.com spent the better part of the last two days debating whether something needs to be done to curb the number of hard blows delivered in the NBA, specifically to James...The Heat do something, say something, say anything: it's instant news...annnnd then today, Boston Celtic GM Danny Ainge, primarily known in his playing days as a good shooter, and a dirty player who once bit Tree Rollins on the bottom of a pileup during a game, felt he had to comment during a radio interview in Boston (why not - everyone else had commented on it). He said KJ should have been embarrassed for whining about calls, which is ironic, because last year after a Heat playoff win over Boston, Danny Ainge went to the media and very publicly whined about calls! Haaa! Before tonight's game, my dad, Pat Riley, issued a statement advising Danny Ainge to "shut the f*ck up and manage his own team." KJ loved it; everyone on the team loved it. It's such a different atmosphere in Miami from the divisive dark cloud that has settled over the Celtic franchise. Look at how happy Ray Allen is now compared to how miserable he was in Boston...The point is, everything the Heat do is news. The Miami players were laughing in the locker room before this game, pointing out to the Heat beat writers that the Celtics seemed weirdly obsessed with them (Miami has sent them home from the playoffs two years in a row). It can be annoying at times, but on the whole it is great: people only care because you are winning, and are supercool. Conversely, no one ever thinks about the Celtics. I mean, for instance, I never mention them in this blog whatsoever...What? Okay, maybe once in a while I might - might - comment on something that they do, but only when it is immediately relevant to the Heat. But I mean this hardly ever happens....Or, I mean, okay, every so often the Celtics do something that doesn't necessarily concern the Heat, but it is so important to the NBA that it needs to be mentioned...Okay, okay, annnnd, now and then, there's just a brief mention of the Celtics in Dos Minutos even if they haven't done anything at all, just if they pop into my mind, but even then, it's only because they are so infuriating, they tend to make me a little crazy - but I'm not at all obsessive about them, I can stop talking about them at any time......except that social deviant Rajon Rondo, and his sidekick, the poke-and-run specialist Kevin Garnett, I have to talk about them, I have to use them in the blog sometimes as an example of what not to do on a basketball court, and in life!!! Don't you understand??? If we don't recognize evil, how can we ever hope to defeat it?!!!
6) Everyone is iconic to somebody.
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Next game is Sunday in San Antonio. They have the second best record in the league, although I think most people tend to believe that OKC will beat them in the Western Conference Finals (they did last season). If Miami had gone in there carrying its streak, it would be mayhem. As it is, it's just two teams playing out the string - it would be surprising to see both teams' stars all play (or at least play heavy minutes). If you need me before then, I definitely won't be thinking about the Celtics, and certainly not about how much I hate Rajon Rondo and his long, talon-like fingernails, and Paul Pierce's dopey squint, and Kevin Garnett's idiotic quest to never let a ball go through the basket after the whistle, and...what? I said I won't be thinking about those things...See you Sunday!
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Friday, March 29, 2013
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Bulls 101 Heat 97
6 Thoughts
1) This game was just like a lot of other games during the streak - Miami immediately got down double digits on the road due to a lack of focus and effort (and also starting a guy who is not an NBA rotation-level player), then spent all game grinding their way back, finally taking the lead late in the third quarter. But in the fourth quarter, just when Miami usually pulls away to win the game, it was the Bulls who made plays: Luol Deng, shooting 30% on triples for the season, made two back-to-back; followed by Jimmy Butler, shooting 32%, drilling one. With Miami needing to catch a break to stay in it, a bizarre pair of no-flagrant/flagrant foul calls involving KJ James both went against Miami, and that was it. But, honestly, that's what makes the streak so amazing. This is what happens in the NBA - someone plays a little better than you, gets a bounce or two, gets a call at home, and you lose. Everyone loses, sometimes. Except for two straight months, Miami never did. It's the most amazing (and bizarre) basketball feat I've ever seen, honestly, and I couldn't have enjoyed it more. I tip my cap to the Heat - thanks for making this part of the season so fun. And you know what? I'm feeling magnanimous: with Derrick Rose out, the Bulls aren't even that unlikable (except for Nate Robinson, who is an absurdly unlikable human being) - I tip my cap to you, too, Bulls. I hope you will remember this game fondly as the highlight of your season after the New Jersey Nets send you home 4-1 in the first round of the playoffs. Let's go (back to late season NBA drudgery)!
2) Biggest stretch of the game: midway through the fourth quarter, Coach Spo put KJ James on Kirk Hinrich, and Wade on Luol Deng. It's a crossmatch - normally, it would be the opposite. He's done that before, most notably against Indiana, and it has worked. The reasoning is solid: KJ should be able to disrupt the offense by pressuring the primary ballhandler, and Wade is athletic enough to defend any small forward. But tonight it just didn't work: Deng immediately made two triples by simply spotting up and shooting it over Wade. He's a 30% shooter, so they are probably bad shots, but tonight they went in. Then Deng took Wade to the post, bullied him backwards, forcing help to come, and found Jimmy Butler for the third straight triple. In the moment it was frustrating. But in retrospect, it's fine. Like I said, it's worked before, and even tonight it forced shots that you can live with. There's a reason Luol Deng and Jimmy Butler have poor three point shooting percentages: they are bad shooters. Tonight they went in. Coach Spo: I apologize for thinking bad thoughts about you.
3) Most bizarre stretch of the game: a short while after the Bulls barrage of threes, KJ James drove down the lane, was loose to the rim, and Bulls power forward Taj Gibson, who is most well-known for being physical and aggressive (to his credit, he takes it right up to the line, and sometimes a little over), reached from behind KJ, lassoed him around the neck and shoulder, and pulled him backwards.. KJ got his legs folded up under him awkwardly, but he was fine: he's a machine. But it was obviously a flagrant foul. That is the whole point of the flagrant rule: a flagrant one is "unnecessary contact." Grabbing a guy running free to the rim from behind and pulling him down is unnecessary. It's not a basketball play. If someone did that to Taj Gibson - or most other players in the league - the guy would get up and go right back at the offending player. Because KJ deals with this night after night, he just shrugs it off. The refs correctly called it a flagrant foul, went to the monitor, everyone assumed, to see whether it should be an ejection, then somehow decided that it wasn't a flagrant foul. I have no idea what happened - it's statistical fact that home teams get more calls, but this was a dead ball situation, it wasn't an emotional bang-bang decision swayed by crowd noise. And, it's another example of why I hate replay: the refs got the initial call correct, then changed it to an incorrect call after watching the replay! So play resumes, KJ is fuming - understandably - Carlos Boozer comes over to set a screen on him, and KJ pops him intentionally with a shoulder. It wasn't even remotely as bad or dangerous as Gibson's foul (although it was clearly on purpose - I will grant you that). The refs instantly call it a flagrant, review it again, and let the flagrant stand. Look, I'm not stupid, I understand why they called KJ's flagrant. It was an absolute "f u" to the refs, and they were embarrassed by it. Also, if they don't call it a flagrant, someone on the Bulls is going to re-retaliate back on the other end, and there is going to be a fight. And Miami probably would have lost the game anyways. I'm just saying, mannn, that's another example of what a cool and dignified ballplayer KJ James is. He takes more ridiculous hits up high than anyone, rarely bitches, and isn't even allowed to retaliate. Earlier in this game, Kirk Hinrich had tackled him to the ground in transition without making any play on the ball whatsoever - again, for any other player in the league, it gets called a flagrant. You can't tackle a guy to the ground in transition. Except KJ. It seems crazy unfair - I don't know how he doesn't lose his temper, like, all the time. I would. This happens to all of the best and most physical players: it happened to Shaq, it happens to Dwight Howard, and it happens to King James. Just seems like it would be fairer to ref them the same way the other players in the league get reffed. I don't get it, maybe I am stupid...
4) In the second quarter, KJ was returning to the game after a rest on the bench and Eric Reid reported he was returning "sans headband." I felt a little uptight - "What? Why?" But KJ strode into the picture, and was putting his headband back on his head. M.Minutos also exhaled: "I don't know why, but I was worried." One, I'm glad I wasn't the only one whose heart skipped a beat because a basketball player was going to play without a headband. Whew... Two, terrible job, Eric Reid: YOU CAN'T MESS UP SOMETHING HUGE LIKE THAT!!!
5) This guy who writes for ESPN, Kevin Pelton, tried to break down, statistically. the effect that Derrick Rose might have on the Bulls if he suddenly decided to return this late in the season. Hard to put an actual numerical value on "douchey," I realize that. Anyways, Pelton is wayyy smarter than me - he goes through all these statistics to demonstrate that the Bulls would probably be better with Rose. To me, it's 50-50: they either would be better or worse. But then Pelton concludes by saying: "surely, some version of these calculations is playing out in [Rose's] head." Haaaa!!! Derrick Rose? Double haaaa!!! First of all, his doctors have cleared him to play. He is choosing not to. He won't even sit on the bench with the team. So I'm pretty sure he doesn't give a crap about the Bulls. Great teammate. Second of all, you're talking about Derrick Rose! This kid is one of the all-time mouth breathers! I'm pretty sure most of his thoughts revolve around what cartoon is coming up next on Nickelodeon, and what kind of frozen pizza his brother Reggie Rose is microwaving him for dinner....There are a lot of unlikable players in this league, especially Russell Westbrook, but even he goes out there and plays his ass off every night. I don't like him, but I do respect him. Derrick Rose is hanging his teammates out to dry, he's blowing off the season like it, and they, don't mean anything to him. They must despise him.
6) Watched the US Men's national soccer team play a World Cup qualifier at Azteca in Mexico City last night. Mexico is a far better team than the US, obviously, since they don't have much better to do than play soccer, and Azteca is a super-tough place to play. It's like combining playing the Nuggets in Denver (high altitude) with playing the Jazz in Utah (virulently racist fans perpetually on the edge of violence). Mexico has an absurd record in World Cup qualifying games at home - something like 70 wins, 1 loss, and 5 ties. Last night's game basically consisted of Mexico passing the ball around on the US's side of the field for 90 seconds, then firing a shot wide. In the first half, there was a play where Mexico could have been awarded a penalty kick but wasn't - seemed like a good no-call, it was off the ball, and a bit of a dive, though the Mexicans didn't think so. In the second half, there was a blatant blown call - this time a Mexican guy got hammered to the ground from behind just as he was about to one-time a pass into the back of the net. It absolutely should have been a penalty kick for Mexico. The game ended in a 0-0 tie. In the post-game show, former American player Alexei Lalas pronounced the game a "classic American performance - solid defensive effort, look for opportunities if they present themselves, but mostly don't make any big mistakes." But they also had a Mexican dude on the postgame show, and he was like, "true, but if those penalties are given, Mexico wins this game pretty easily." And then Alexei Lalas was like, "well, but that's why this was a classic American performance - a little luck is part of it." Yes! Americans own "luck!' We''re on easy street now, people!!!
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I'll miss the streak - it was so much fun during a time of the year where the season can often be boring. The Heat have the #1 seed in the East on lock, and nobody could care less about #1 seed for the Finals. It doesn't seem to give you much of an edge with the 2-3-2 format. So with 11 completely meaningless games left, it's time to rest guys, or as Spo likes to call it, "preventative maintenance." The next game is Friday in New Orleans. I'd barely play the starters - give them a mental health day off. They've earned it. If you need me before then, I'll be going to the Magic City Casino down in Miami. I'm American: I'm about to blow upppp!
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1) This game was just like a lot of other games during the streak - Miami immediately got down double digits on the road due to a lack of focus and effort (and also starting a guy who is not an NBA rotation-level player), then spent all game grinding their way back, finally taking the lead late in the third quarter. But in the fourth quarter, just when Miami usually pulls away to win the game, it was the Bulls who made plays: Luol Deng, shooting 30% on triples for the season, made two back-to-back; followed by Jimmy Butler, shooting 32%, drilling one. With Miami needing to catch a break to stay in it, a bizarre pair of no-flagrant/flagrant foul calls involving KJ James both went against Miami, and that was it. But, honestly, that's what makes the streak so amazing. This is what happens in the NBA - someone plays a little better than you, gets a bounce or two, gets a call at home, and you lose. Everyone loses, sometimes. Except for two straight months, Miami never did. It's the most amazing (and bizarre) basketball feat I've ever seen, honestly, and I couldn't have enjoyed it more. I tip my cap to the Heat - thanks for making this part of the season so fun. And you know what? I'm feeling magnanimous: with Derrick Rose out, the Bulls aren't even that unlikable (except for Nate Robinson, who is an absurdly unlikable human being) - I tip my cap to you, too, Bulls. I hope you will remember this game fondly as the highlight of your season after the New Jersey Nets send you home 4-1 in the first round of the playoffs. Let's go (back to late season NBA drudgery)!
2) Biggest stretch of the game: midway through the fourth quarter, Coach Spo put KJ James on Kirk Hinrich, and Wade on Luol Deng. It's a crossmatch - normally, it would be the opposite. He's done that before, most notably against Indiana, and it has worked. The reasoning is solid: KJ should be able to disrupt the offense by pressuring the primary ballhandler, and Wade is athletic enough to defend any small forward. But tonight it just didn't work: Deng immediately made two triples by simply spotting up and shooting it over Wade. He's a 30% shooter, so they are probably bad shots, but tonight they went in. Then Deng took Wade to the post, bullied him backwards, forcing help to come, and found Jimmy Butler for the third straight triple. In the moment it was frustrating. But in retrospect, it's fine. Like I said, it's worked before, and even tonight it forced shots that you can live with. There's a reason Luol Deng and Jimmy Butler have poor three point shooting percentages: they are bad shooters. Tonight they went in. Coach Spo: I apologize for thinking bad thoughts about you.
3) Most bizarre stretch of the game: a short while after the Bulls barrage of threes, KJ James drove down the lane, was loose to the rim, and Bulls power forward Taj Gibson, who is most well-known for being physical and aggressive (to his credit, he takes it right up to the line, and sometimes a little over), reached from behind KJ, lassoed him around the neck and shoulder, and pulled him backwards.. KJ got his legs folded up under him awkwardly, but he was fine: he's a machine. But it was obviously a flagrant foul. That is the whole point of the flagrant rule: a flagrant one is "unnecessary contact." Grabbing a guy running free to the rim from behind and pulling him down is unnecessary. It's not a basketball play. If someone did that to Taj Gibson - or most other players in the league - the guy would get up and go right back at the offending player. Because KJ deals with this night after night, he just shrugs it off. The refs correctly called it a flagrant foul, went to the monitor, everyone assumed, to see whether it should be an ejection, then somehow decided that it wasn't a flagrant foul. I have no idea what happened - it's statistical fact that home teams get more calls, but this was a dead ball situation, it wasn't an emotional bang-bang decision swayed by crowd noise. And, it's another example of why I hate replay: the refs got the initial call correct, then changed it to an incorrect call after watching the replay! So play resumes, KJ is fuming - understandably - Carlos Boozer comes over to set a screen on him, and KJ pops him intentionally with a shoulder. It wasn't even remotely as bad or dangerous as Gibson's foul (although it was clearly on purpose - I will grant you that). The refs instantly call it a flagrant, review it again, and let the flagrant stand. Look, I'm not stupid, I understand why they called KJ's flagrant. It was an absolute "f u" to the refs, and they were embarrassed by it. Also, if they don't call it a flagrant, someone on the Bulls is going to re-retaliate back on the other end, and there is going to be a fight. And Miami probably would have lost the game anyways. I'm just saying, mannn, that's another example of what a cool and dignified ballplayer KJ James is. He takes more ridiculous hits up high than anyone, rarely bitches, and isn't even allowed to retaliate. Earlier in this game, Kirk Hinrich had tackled him to the ground in transition without making any play on the ball whatsoever - again, for any other player in the league, it gets called a flagrant. You can't tackle a guy to the ground in transition. Except KJ. It seems crazy unfair - I don't know how he doesn't lose his temper, like, all the time. I would. This happens to all of the best and most physical players: it happened to Shaq, it happens to Dwight Howard, and it happens to King James. Just seems like it would be fairer to ref them the same way the other players in the league get reffed. I don't get it, maybe I am stupid...
4) In the second quarter, KJ was returning to the game after a rest on the bench and Eric Reid reported he was returning "sans headband." I felt a little uptight - "What? Why?" But KJ strode into the picture, and was putting his headband back on his head. M.Minutos also exhaled: "I don't know why, but I was worried." One, I'm glad I wasn't the only one whose heart skipped a beat because a basketball player was going to play without a headband. Whew... Two, terrible job, Eric Reid: YOU CAN'T MESS UP SOMETHING HUGE LIKE THAT!!!
5) This guy who writes for ESPN, Kevin Pelton, tried to break down, statistically. the effect that Derrick Rose might have on the Bulls if he suddenly decided to return this late in the season. Hard to put an actual numerical value on "douchey," I realize that. Anyways, Pelton is wayyy smarter than me - he goes through all these statistics to demonstrate that the Bulls would probably be better with Rose. To me, it's 50-50: they either would be better or worse. But then Pelton concludes by saying: "surely, some version of these calculations is playing out in [Rose's] head." Haaaa!!! Derrick Rose? Double haaaa!!! First of all, his doctors have cleared him to play. He is choosing not to. He won't even sit on the bench with the team. So I'm pretty sure he doesn't give a crap about the Bulls. Great teammate. Second of all, you're talking about Derrick Rose! This kid is one of the all-time mouth breathers! I'm pretty sure most of his thoughts revolve around what cartoon is coming up next on Nickelodeon, and what kind of frozen pizza his brother Reggie Rose is microwaving him for dinner....There are a lot of unlikable players in this league, especially Russell Westbrook, but even he goes out there and plays his ass off every night. I don't like him, but I do respect him. Derrick Rose is hanging his teammates out to dry, he's blowing off the season like it, and they, don't mean anything to him. They must despise him.
6) Watched the US Men's national soccer team play a World Cup qualifier at Azteca in Mexico City last night. Mexico is a far better team than the US, obviously, since they don't have much better to do than play soccer, and Azteca is a super-tough place to play. It's like combining playing the Nuggets in Denver (high altitude) with playing the Jazz in Utah (virulently racist fans perpetually on the edge of violence). Mexico has an absurd record in World Cup qualifying games at home - something like 70 wins, 1 loss, and 5 ties. Last night's game basically consisted of Mexico passing the ball around on the US's side of the field for 90 seconds, then firing a shot wide. In the first half, there was a play where Mexico could have been awarded a penalty kick but wasn't - seemed like a good no-call, it was off the ball, and a bit of a dive, though the Mexicans didn't think so. In the second half, there was a blatant blown call - this time a Mexican guy got hammered to the ground from behind just as he was about to one-time a pass into the back of the net. It absolutely should have been a penalty kick for Mexico. The game ended in a 0-0 tie. In the post-game show, former American player Alexei Lalas pronounced the game a "classic American performance - solid defensive effort, look for opportunities if they present themselves, but mostly don't make any big mistakes." But they also had a Mexican dude on the postgame show, and he was like, "true, but if those penalties are given, Mexico wins this game pretty easily." And then Alexei Lalas was like, "well, but that's why this was a classic American performance - a little luck is part of it." Yes! Americans own "luck!' We''re on easy street now, people!!!
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I'll miss the streak - it was so much fun during a time of the year where the season can often be boring. The Heat have the #1 seed in the East on lock, and nobody could care less about #1 seed for the Finals. It doesn't seem to give you much of an edge with the 2-3-2 format. So with 11 completely meaningless games left, it's time to rest guys, or as Spo likes to call it, "preventative maintenance." The next game is Friday in New Orleans. I'd barely play the starters - give them a mental health day off. They've earned it. If you need me before then, I'll be going to the Magic City Casino down in Miami. I'm American: I'm about to blow upppp!
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Monday, March 25, 2013
Heat 108 Magic 94
6 Thoughts
1) You know how many wins in a row is a lot? Like 9. That's a lot of wins in a row. But 27?...This is ridiculous: it's too many damn wins in a row! Miami sleepwalked through the first two and a half quarters, then turned the jets on for 4:30 and blew Orlando off the floor in that brief span: 20-2 run, ballgame. No matter how hard the other team plays (and Orlando gave good effort), the Heat know they are going to hit the other team with a run at some point, they know they are going to win, and they know they are going to photo bomb Jason Jackson's attempt to conduct a postgame interview. WINNING NEVER GETS OLD! MIKE MILLER STARTED AGAIN! LET IT FLY!!!
2) KJ James really didn't play hard until about 3 minutes remained in the third quarter. Why bother, frankly? From that point on, he started thundering to the lane and finishing plays, but even more impressively, throwing some of the most ridiculous laser beam passes you will ever see. He spun out of a double team and found Rashard Lewis 30 feet away for an open triple. He dribbled the ball casually with his right hand above the three point line and then casually flipped a 35' rainbow right off the dribble on the money to Birdman Anderson who caught it in, umm, full-flight, and reverse-toma-side-hawked it down with aggression. Then KJ drove middle, kind of crossed over to the left, flipped the ball up with his right hand, but then caught it with his left hand and threw a cross-court bullet back to Ray Allen's exact-perfect shooting pocket behind the arc for a triple. NBA blogger Zach Harper said it best about that pass: "Ray Allen shot that before LeBron even passed it, and LeBron passed it before the game even started." Someone else pointed out on Twitter: "When the Heat want you dead, you dead." Yep. Pretty much.
3) KJ finished with 24 points on 9-16, with 11 assists, and 9 rebounds. Spo gave him one extra possession on the court to try to get the 10th rebound. E'twan Moore rose for a jumper, KJ crashed middle, and Moore's shot pretty much missed everything, and deflected off Chris Bosh out of bounds. KJ mock-stomped away in mock-frustration, kicked the ball, and went to the bench to watch the last few minutes of the game. Then, a short while later, when Jax was trying to interview Ray Allen (and had already been raucously interrupted by Mario Chalmers...and Udonis Haslem?), KJ suddenly popped in front of the camera and did this:
Then he turned around and put it on Ray and Jax, and made them laugh. This kid is loose, the team is loose (when UD is being silly, that's something) - it's crazy. We really haven't seen anything like this. You know why? BECAUSE NO ONE HAS EVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THIS! ARE YOU DAFT? TWENTY-SEVEN STRAIGHT WINS! EVEN WHEN THE LAKERS WON THEIR 33 STRAIGHT, THERE WERE A BUNCH OF ALLSTAR PLAYERS WHO HAD GONE TO PLAY IN THE ABA, AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT LEAGUE, SO THE COMPETITION WAS WATERED DOWN! PLUS, HALF THE LEAGUE WAS 35 YEAR OLD WHITE CIGARETTE SMOKERS WITH BAD COMBOVERS! THE HEAT WERE 29-14 - NOW THEY ARE 56-14!!! NO ONE HAS EVER DONE WHAT THE HEAT ARE DOING RIGHT NOW! NEVER! NEV-VER!!!
4) Shooters, dude. Miami was 15-28 from behind the arc. Mario Chalmers hit 4-5 and Ray Allen made 4-6. Rashard Lewis (didn't really seem to hate what Orlando did to him, which was basically pay him $130 million for about $40 million worth of production) made 3-5, and Norris Cole (!) made 3-4. But Battier and Mike Miller were a combined 1-7. Losers.
5) Birdman triggered the third quarter run by getting a layup try rejected, then turning and sprinting full-speed back down the court just in time to catch Magic rookie forward Moe Harkless trying to get to the rim in transition. Harkless never saw Bird coming, elevated, and Bird hammered Harkless' layup from above and behind with a full karate chop swing, rocketing the ball back down off a shocked Harkless and out of bounds: Miami ball. There could have been three hoops scored on either end in the time it would have taken Chris Bosh to saunter back down the court on a play like that. "I don't think he drinks unleaded coffee," Tony Fiorentino told Eric Reid (hip use of 'unleaded' by Tony Toni Tone). Of course not - Birdman drinks human blood. Duh.
6) Big debate at Dos Minutos International Headquarters today: we were talking about pecan pies. How do you pronounce "pecan?" Do you say "pe-can," like an can of soda? Or "pe-kahn," like the wrath of Kahn? Answer: neither, it's a trick question, pecan pies are brutal, they are a dumb dessert for dumb people who are not smart enough to demand fruit in their pies. "Hey, I've got some leftover pecans: how about I crush them up into an inedible gravel-like substance, bake it in a crappy pie shell for about 8 hours, then serve it to you with a dollop of supermarket-brand whipped topping, just so it gets moist enough to choke down?" But, if you have to pronounce the word "pecan," here's a tip: if you want to sound like you live in a trailer park, or are from New York, say "pe-can," like "can." If you want to sound like you conceivably finished high school, and have almost assuredly showered at some point in the past two days, say "pe-kahn." You're welcome...
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It ends Wednesday in Chicago. All good things have to. If you need me before then, I'll be enjoying a delicious boysenberry pie. Bon appetit!
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1) You know how many wins in a row is a lot? Like 9. That's a lot of wins in a row. But 27?...This is ridiculous: it's too many damn wins in a row! Miami sleepwalked through the first two and a half quarters, then turned the jets on for 4:30 and blew Orlando off the floor in that brief span: 20-2 run, ballgame. No matter how hard the other team plays (and Orlando gave good effort), the Heat know they are going to hit the other team with a run at some point, they know they are going to win, and they know they are going to photo bomb Jason Jackson's attempt to conduct a postgame interview. WINNING NEVER GETS OLD! MIKE MILLER STARTED AGAIN! LET IT FLY!!!
2) KJ James really didn't play hard until about 3 minutes remained in the third quarter. Why bother, frankly? From that point on, he started thundering to the lane and finishing plays, but even more impressively, throwing some of the most ridiculous laser beam passes you will ever see. He spun out of a double team and found Rashard Lewis 30 feet away for an open triple. He dribbled the ball casually with his right hand above the three point line and then casually flipped a 35' rainbow right off the dribble on the money to Birdman Anderson who caught it in, umm, full-flight, and reverse-toma-side-hawked it down with aggression. Then KJ drove middle, kind of crossed over to the left, flipped the ball up with his right hand, but then caught it with his left hand and threw a cross-court bullet back to Ray Allen's exact-perfect shooting pocket behind the arc for a triple. NBA blogger Zach Harper said it best about that pass: "Ray Allen shot that before LeBron even passed it, and LeBron passed it before the game even started." Someone else pointed out on Twitter: "When the Heat want you dead, you dead." Yep. Pretty much.
3) KJ finished with 24 points on 9-16, with 11 assists, and 9 rebounds. Spo gave him one extra possession on the court to try to get the 10th rebound. E'twan Moore rose for a jumper, KJ crashed middle, and Moore's shot pretty much missed everything, and deflected off Chris Bosh out of bounds. KJ mock-stomped away in mock-frustration, kicked the ball, and went to the bench to watch the last few minutes of the game. Then, a short while later, when Jax was trying to interview Ray Allen (and had already been raucously interrupted by Mario Chalmers...and Udonis Haslem?), KJ suddenly popped in front of the camera and did this:
Then he turned around and put it on Ray and Jax, and made them laugh. This kid is loose, the team is loose (when UD is being silly, that's something) - it's crazy. We really haven't seen anything like this. You know why? BECAUSE NO ONE HAS EVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THIS! ARE YOU DAFT? TWENTY-SEVEN STRAIGHT WINS! EVEN WHEN THE LAKERS WON THEIR 33 STRAIGHT, THERE WERE A BUNCH OF ALLSTAR PLAYERS WHO HAD GONE TO PLAY IN THE ABA, AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT LEAGUE, SO THE COMPETITION WAS WATERED DOWN! PLUS, HALF THE LEAGUE WAS 35 YEAR OLD WHITE CIGARETTE SMOKERS WITH BAD COMBOVERS! THE HEAT WERE 29-14 - NOW THEY ARE 56-14!!! NO ONE HAS EVER DONE WHAT THE HEAT ARE DOING RIGHT NOW! NEVER! NEV-VER!!!
4) Shooters, dude. Miami was 15-28 from behind the arc. Mario Chalmers hit 4-5 and Ray Allen made 4-6. Rashard Lewis (didn't really seem to hate what Orlando did to him, which was basically pay him $130 million for about $40 million worth of production) made 3-5, and Norris Cole (!) made 3-4. But Battier and Mike Miller were a combined 1-7. Losers.
5) Birdman triggered the third quarter run by getting a layup try rejected, then turning and sprinting full-speed back down the court just in time to catch Magic rookie forward Moe Harkless trying to get to the rim in transition. Harkless never saw Bird coming, elevated, and Bird hammered Harkless' layup from above and behind with a full karate chop swing, rocketing the ball back down off a shocked Harkless and out of bounds: Miami ball. There could have been three hoops scored on either end in the time it would have taken Chris Bosh to saunter back down the court on a play like that. "I don't think he drinks unleaded coffee," Tony Fiorentino told Eric Reid (hip use of 'unleaded' by Tony Toni Tone). Of course not - Birdman drinks human blood. Duh.
6) Big debate at Dos Minutos International Headquarters today: we were talking about pecan pies. How do you pronounce "pecan?" Do you say "pe-can," like an can of soda? Or "pe-kahn," like the wrath of Kahn? Answer: neither, it's a trick question, pecan pies are brutal, they are a dumb dessert for dumb people who are not smart enough to demand fruit in their pies. "Hey, I've got some leftover pecans: how about I crush them up into an inedible gravel-like substance, bake it in a crappy pie shell for about 8 hours, then serve it to you with a dollop of supermarket-brand whipped topping, just so it gets moist enough to choke down?" But, if you have to pronounce the word "pecan," here's a tip: if you want to sound like you live in a trailer park, or are from New York, say "pe-can," like "can." If you want to sound like you conceivably finished high school, and have almost assuredly showered at some point in the past two days, say "pe-kahn." You're welcome...
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It ends Wednesday in Chicago. All good things have to. If you need me before then, I'll be enjoying a delicious boysenberry pie. Bon appetit!
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Sunday, March 24, 2013
Heat 109 Bobcats 77
6 Thoughts
1) Ahhh, finally, a good old-fashioned blowout! Finally got that half-stepper Dwyane Wade out of the lineup (preventative maintenance), started Mike Miller, and he led the Heat to an easy win. Michael Jordan's Bobcats are under-talented, but at least they don't play hard! Quite a program that Mike Jordan is running. Fun fact: no team that Mike Jordan played on ever won 26 games in a row. Ever. Ev-errrr! Let! It! Fly! For real, this time, Mike Mil-lar style!
2) It's sooo easy to take KJ James for granted. Night after night after night he is outstanding - you get numb to it. I mean, why wouldn't he shoot 11-14 for 32 points, 10 assists, 8 rebounds, 3 steals, and 3 blocks? Why? Because Charlotte is a professional basketball team - well, I mean, sort of. They're close to being a professional basketball team, and they could have made history if they stopped Miami's streak. You'd think a lot of their pre-game focus would be on stopping James...And then KJ came out and efficiently destroyed them (and that's what he does to teams game after game). He made mid-range jumpers off the dribble. He penetrated and found open shooters (13 triples, 4 for Ray Allen, 3 for Norris Cole, 2 for Miller, 2 more for Battier). He grabbed defensive rebounds and triggered fastbreaks. He dunked. He got smashed in the head with an elbow (no foul). He does everything, every night. This is about as well as a player can play. Don't take it for granted. Revel in it.
3) When you win 26 games in a row, everyone is having fun. I guess so, anyways - only one other team has ever done it, and it was in the early 70s, when a lot more white guys played in the league, so that almost automatically seems like less fun than the Heat are having. Way more white guys with comb-overs back in those days - that's not fun...After the final buzzer, Dwyane Wade, resplendent in a white sports jacket, bounced onto the court, gave the almost-equally-resplendently-attired Heat television host Jason Jackson a forearm shiver, grabbed Jax's microphone, and proceeded to conduct the post-game interview with James, as Chris Bosh snuck in behind them, balanced a towel across their shoulders like a plank of wood, then karate-chopped it to the floor (before gracefully bowing to his teammates). 'Member all those people - "experts" - who said KJ and Dwyane would hate playing together, and that Bosh would despise being the third wheel? Oops.
4) Play of the game: after back-to-back Chris Birdman flying-alley-oops, Bobcat point guard Kemba Walker tried to get to the rim. As he elevated to try to spin in a right handed-layup, Shane Battier saw it coming and slid across Walker's body, forcing him to hold the shot an extra beat, pull it back, and try to re-load it to the basket - right into the path of the soaring Birdman, who caught the shot sailing full-speed with a full-on tomahawk spike off the backboard. The ball came rocketing out to Norris Cole at the top of the key, who turned and in one motion hit a sprinting KJ James on the dead run at the opposite three point line, and James took two giant steps and absolutely pummeled the ball through the hoop for a 26 point lead with under 8 minutes to go: buh-bye. KJ didn't play any more after that: that 32, 10, 8, 3, and 3 came in only 34 minutes! Crazy...
5) Dick Bavetta on the whistle tonight. The NBA's oldest ref, not to mention Earth's oldest human, just keeps on chugging along. He hasn't missed a game in like 40 years. No matter how much those joints ache, or how badly the cataracts impair his vision, he goes out on the court and messes up calls like a true professional. Good to see him. But for goodness sake, pull your pants down a couple of clicks, you old nutter. Those trousers have to be chafing your armpits:
6) I spent a good portion of today at the beach. It was super-fun, but it was a windy day, surf was blowing in our faces, sand flying everywhere, beach towels sailing about. "Windpocalypse!" That's all I've got for you. Sorry, it's Sunday night, I'm kinda sunburnt-out, what do you want?
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We are back at it tomorrow night in Orlando. Four straight road games: Orlando, Chicago, San Antonio, Knicks. No way the streak survives those four. Right? Right? Man, oh man, is this ever a long streak. San Antonio just lost, too, so Miami is 3 games clear of the Spurs in the loss column...If you need me before tomorrow, I'll be giving Jax an MRI on his ribcage. Stay inside: WINDPOCALYPSE!!!
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1) Ahhh, finally, a good old-fashioned blowout! Finally got that half-stepper Dwyane Wade out of the lineup (preventative maintenance), started Mike Miller, and he led the Heat to an easy win. Michael Jordan's Bobcats are under-talented, but at least they don't play hard! Quite a program that Mike Jordan is running. Fun fact: no team that Mike Jordan played on ever won 26 games in a row. Ever. Ev-errrr! Let! It! Fly! For real, this time, Mike Mil-lar style!
2) It's sooo easy to take KJ James for granted. Night after night after night he is outstanding - you get numb to it. I mean, why wouldn't he shoot 11-14 for 32 points, 10 assists, 8 rebounds, 3 steals, and 3 blocks? Why? Because Charlotte is a professional basketball team - well, I mean, sort of. They're close to being a professional basketball team, and they could have made history if they stopped Miami's streak. You'd think a lot of their pre-game focus would be on stopping James...And then KJ came out and efficiently destroyed them (and that's what he does to teams game after game). He made mid-range jumpers off the dribble. He penetrated and found open shooters (13 triples, 4 for Ray Allen, 3 for Norris Cole, 2 for Miller, 2 more for Battier). He grabbed defensive rebounds and triggered fastbreaks. He dunked. He got smashed in the head with an elbow (no foul). He does everything, every night. This is about as well as a player can play. Don't take it for granted. Revel in it.
3) When you win 26 games in a row, everyone is having fun. I guess so, anyways - only one other team has ever done it, and it was in the early 70s, when a lot more white guys played in the league, so that almost automatically seems like less fun than the Heat are having. Way more white guys with comb-overs back in those days - that's not fun...After the final buzzer, Dwyane Wade, resplendent in a white sports jacket, bounced onto the court, gave the almost-equally-resplendently-attired Heat television host Jason Jackson a forearm shiver, grabbed Jax's microphone, and proceeded to conduct the post-game interview with James, as Chris Bosh snuck in behind them, balanced a towel across their shoulders like a plank of wood, then karate-chopped it to the floor (before gracefully bowing to his teammates). 'Member all those people - "experts" - who said KJ and Dwyane would hate playing together, and that Bosh would despise being the third wheel? Oops.
4) Play of the game: after back-to-back Chris Birdman flying-alley-oops, Bobcat point guard Kemba Walker tried to get to the rim. As he elevated to try to spin in a right handed-layup, Shane Battier saw it coming and slid across Walker's body, forcing him to hold the shot an extra beat, pull it back, and try to re-load it to the basket - right into the path of the soaring Birdman, who caught the shot sailing full-speed with a full-on tomahawk spike off the backboard. The ball came rocketing out to Norris Cole at the top of the key, who turned and in one motion hit a sprinting KJ James on the dead run at the opposite three point line, and James took two giant steps and absolutely pummeled the ball through the hoop for a 26 point lead with under 8 minutes to go: buh-bye. KJ didn't play any more after that: that 32, 10, 8, 3, and 3 came in only 34 minutes! Crazy...
5) Dick Bavetta on the whistle tonight. The NBA's oldest ref, not to mention Earth's oldest human, just keeps on chugging along. He hasn't missed a game in like 40 years. No matter how much those joints ache, or how badly the cataracts impair his vision, he goes out on the court and messes up calls like a true professional. Good to see him. But for goodness sake, pull your pants down a couple of clicks, you old nutter. Those trousers have to be chafing your armpits:
6) I spent a good portion of today at the beach. It was super-fun, but it was a windy day, surf was blowing in our faces, sand flying everywhere, beach towels sailing about. "Windpocalypse!" That's all I've got for you. Sorry, it's Sunday night, I'm kinda sunburnt-out, what do you want?
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We are back at it tomorrow night in Orlando. Four straight road games: Orlando, Chicago, San Antonio, Knicks. No way the streak survives those four. Right? Right? Man, oh man, is this ever a long streak. San Antonio just lost, too, so Miami is 3 games clear of the Spurs in the loss column...If you need me before tomorrow, I'll be giving Jax an MRI on his ribcage. Stay inside: WINDPOCALYPSE!!!
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Friday, March 22, 2013
Heat 103 Pistons 89
6 Thoughts
1) This has been the most fun stretch of the most enjoyable season in Miami Heat history...but not tonight! Ughhhh, that was terrible! Still, 25 is 25. There isn't much to say about this game, it was a dullfest, and I need to get back down to Ultra, solet'sjustgetthroughthisinahurrylet'sgoletitfly...
2) The Detroit Pistons turned the ball over 22 times, including a season-high 15 steals by Miami. Mario Chalmers and Norris Cole each had 4 - that's 8 steals from the point guard position. Dwyane Wade had 3, but in fairness, I believe that each time he stole the ball, he dribbled downcourt and passed it directly out of bounds. He was fairly awful: finished 7-17 from the floor for 19 points, and had 6 turnovers. He's had a couple of poor games in a row, luckily he can do that...
3) ...because KJ James. Ho hum: boring, atrocious team effort against a bottom-feeder, and still he went 12-15, for 29 points, 8 rebounds, 8 assists, 2 steals, and a block. He makes everything better. No matter what is going on in a game, no matter how badly Miami is playing during a part of the game, when you see him on the floor, you're like, "ahhh - we're okay." As great as Dwyane Wade is - he's demonstrated that he's still the second best player in the Eastern Conference - every time KJ is out, you feel uneasy, even when Dwyane has it going. You realize that KJ is spoiling all of us, right? Someday, sometime, he's not gonna be here anymore, and basketball is gonna seem A LOT harder.
4) Chris Bosh: 1-7, 5 points, 6 rebounds, and 4 turnovers in 31 minutes.
Greg Monroe: 10-19, 23 points, 15 rebounds, and 6 assists in 41 minutes.
Whoopsies!
5) Quite a night for Detroit rookie guard Kim English: 12 minutes, 0-3 from the floor, 6 fouls. Amongst his 6 fouls were two blows to the head of KJ James (the second bizarrely not called a flagrant foul, even though a few minutes earlier the refs had called a flagrant on Mario Chalmers, of all people, for simply running medium-speed into a screen, prompting a Jones Jerebko flop). Also, English crashed into Shane Battier on a three point attempt; and then later, as Battier was making a three, randomly shoved Chris Anderson in the back at the rim, for a four point play. Future is bright for this kid.
6) Okay, I gotta get back to Ultra, the electronic music festival at Bayside, next to The Trip. Last year, M.Minutos got a little out of hand. I hate to dime her out like this but, I mean, it is part of our history together. This year, I'm leaving her at home, because she really doesn't handle psychedelics that well, as you can see:
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The next game is Sunday against Charlotte. Goodness, please let that game be more interesting than this one. If you need me before then, I'll be hanging out near a certain tree in Bayide. See you Sunday.
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1) This has been the most fun stretch of the most enjoyable season in Miami Heat history...but not tonight! Ughhhh, that was terrible! Still, 25 is 25. There isn't much to say about this game, it was a dullfest, and I need to get back down to Ultra, solet'sjustgetthroughthisinahurrylet'sgoletitfly...
2) The Detroit Pistons turned the ball over 22 times, including a season-high 15 steals by Miami. Mario Chalmers and Norris Cole each had 4 - that's 8 steals from the point guard position. Dwyane Wade had 3, but in fairness, I believe that each time he stole the ball, he dribbled downcourt and passed it directly out of bounds. He was fairly awful: finished 7-17 from the floor for 19 points, and had 6 turnovers. He's had a couple of poor games in a row, luckily he can do that...
3) ...because KJ James. Ho hum: boring, atrocious team effort against a bottom-feeder, and still he went 12-15, for 29 points, 8 rebounds, 8 assists, 2 steals, and a block. He makes everything better. No matter what is going on in a game, no matter how badly Miami is playing during a part of the game, when you see him on the floor, you're like, "ahhh - we're okay." As great as Dwyane Wade is - he's demonstrated that he's still the second best player in the Eastern Conference - every time KJ is out, you feel uneasy, even when Dwyane has it going. You realize that KJ is spoiling all of us, right? Someday, sometime, he's not gonna be here anymore, and basketball is gonna seem A LOT harder.
4) Chris Bosh: 1-7, 5 points, 6 rebounds, and 4 turnovers in 31 minutes.
Greg Monroe: 10-19, 23 points, 15 rebounds, and 6 assists in 41 minutes.
Whoopsies!
5) Quite a night for Detroit rookie guard Kim English: 12 minutes, 0-3 from the floor, 6 fouls. Amongst his 6 fouls were two blows to the head of KJ James (the second bizarrely not called a flagrant foul, even though a few minutes earlier the refs had called a flagrant on Mario Chalmers, of all people, for simply running medium-speed into a screen, prompting a Jones Jerebko flop). Also, English crashed into Shane Battier on a three point attempt; and then later, as Battier was making a three, randomly shoved Chris Anderson in the back at the rim, for a four point play. Future is bright for this kid.
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The next game is Sunday against Charlotte. Goodness, please let that game be more interesting than this one. If you need me before then, I'll be hanging out near a certain tree in Bayide. See you Sunday.
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Wednesday, March 20, 2013
Heat 98 Cavaliers 95
6 Thoughts
1) Well, you don't see that every day. Which part? EVERY PART! HOLY CRAPOLA, 24! LET IT FLY!!!
2) Good, I got that out of my system...First of all, this game was delayed nearly 40 minutes because Cleveland's owner, the buffoonish Dan Gilbert, apparently is too cheap to pay for a scoreboard that doesn't leak lighter fluid all over the court during pregame warmups. I know the economy is bad in the Midwest, but Jesus - you don't even have a scoreboard that works? The referees huddled, and here's how they tried to fix the leak: by squinting up into the rafters and pointing at the source of the offending drip for several minutes. Finally, someone figured out to lower the scoreboard down from the ceiling and try to plug up the gusher. During the delay, KJ James spent a lot of time talking to teammates, the refs, even people in the crowd, and his hand gestures appeared to be telling them exactly what would make a scoreboard leak, and how you would fix that. Listen, I spent two years being shocked when KJ knew anything non-basketball related. By this point, I give in: if he says he knows how to fix the leak, I believe him. Anyways, that was a bizarre beginning to the game, but at least no fans ran onto the court...Oh, later, yes, then a fan did run onto the court - no, there didn't appear to be any security, why would there be? The Heat's security director, David Holcombe, had to run on to the court and grab the guy. The fan told KJ that he missed him and wanted him to come back to Cleveland, and KJ smiled and patted him on the head, like a dog. "I didn't have much time to talk to him before they took him away," shrugged KJ. What were the odds a douchey fan was going to run onto the court during this road trip, and it wasn't going to be in Boston?!!! Quite an operation Dan Gilbert and the Cavaliers are running...
3) But that paled in comparison to the game itself. The Cavs came flying out of the gate, without their three best players (Kyrie Irving, Dion Waiters, and Anderson Varejo) and blew the doors of Miami. They got to the rim; they made jumpers; they blocked shots. The Heat looked like they were playing in quicksand. They couldn't get stops, they couldn't make shots. At halftime the Cavs led by 21...It didn't feel over - Miami is so much better than this Cleveland group that 21 felt doable - but then the second half started and it was more of the same. When Dwyane Wade politely fouled Tyler Zeller on a three point play with just under 8 minutes to go, to put the Cavs up 27, then it seemed over. Wayyy over. To that point in the game, no Heat player had either run, or jumped, let alone take some kind of running start then jumped. And you know what? It felt okay. It was disappointing that the streak was going to end, but if it was going to end, at least it was just going to end because the Heat absolutely didn't have it. That happens to every team in this league, no matter who you play against. It was predictable, but the complete lack of energy and competence was, in its utter totality, surprising (even though logically you knew it had to happen at some point).
4) And then Shane Battier made back to back triples. And the Heat got a couple of stops. And then M.Minutos took her hoodie and flipped the hood up - hood up is "emergency comeback mode." You don't talk about it, you just do it. Then Mario "Emcee" Chalmers (17 points on 5-8) made a couple of hoops, then KJ scored a couple of hoops, the Cavs went cold, then Battioke drained another triple, then Ray Allen hit a bomb, and all of a sudden, the lead was 6. A Daniel Gibson buzzer-beater sent the lead back to 9 after three, but by that point it felt over - in Miami's favor! Didn't seem like there was any way the Cavs were going to be able to hold off Miami. And the fourth quarter started with a runout where Chalmers threw an "alley-oop" into KJ's waist, but KJ recovered the loose ball, then put it back into the basket; then he made a triple, then he made a 26 foot bomb, and from the 7:40 mark of the third quarter to the 9:30 mark of the fourth quarter - 10 minutes of game-time - Miami had erased the entire 27 point deficit and led by 1. Ummm, ballgame. By the way, that's utterly insane. KJ never really played efficiently, but he still finished with a triple-double: 25 points, 12 rebounds, 10 assists (kept finding Allen for open triples in the fourth quarter), and 2 huge blocks coming down the stretch. It wasn't his best game, but it was one of his most willful games. Other guys contributed: Allen, Battioke, Chalmers all made three triples each (Ray also somehow had 5 steals - the Cavs kept throwing the ball right to him in the 4th quarter), but the image I'll remember most from the game was a late possession where KJ grabbed an offensive rebound, got hammered, missed the putback, got it back with yellow shirts just bouncing off him from every angle, got fouled again - this time they called it - and came flying out of the pack squeezing the ball so hard that I thought it was going to explode. Man possessed. Had Jason Terry been on the Cavs, KJ probably would have killed him again with another dunk. It was quite a sight. Streak lives.
5) The Cavs owner may be one of the bigger tools in the NBA (you could argue he's the whole toolshed, and it would be hard to dispute you); their scoreboard is a ticking time bomb; and they apparently do not employ security at their games. But at least they have the only coach in the NBA who appears to be taking PEDs! You think this is Byron Scott's bedroom? Like, he has a big photo montage of himself in his playing days on his bedroom wall, and he poses in front of it every year for the team press guide? "Byron, this time we could take a picture of you on the court or something," "I said NO!"
6) I rarely like to use this space to air my personal grievances, but this is a personal frustration that's been irritating me the last couple of days. Over at Dos Minutos International Headquarters, we deal with people from all over the world - hence the "international" in our title. You know who the most aggravating people to deal with are? People from New York. Not people from Manhattan, they are fine. I mean people from like, Yonkers, the Bronx, etc. I'm not great at geography, but I think they call those the "boroughs." It's like trying to speak to cave people who have just acquired verbal communication skills. They aren't, like, totally confident in language yet, it's like, they would feel a lot better if they could take a piece of charred stick from the community fire and draw out what they are trying to communicate on the wall of their cave. I have had six conversations in the past three days with a dude from one of the boroughs and it goes like this every time:
Him: So she and I did it, maybe it wasn't the best, but that's what we did.
Soooo frustrating. Hey, half-wit: I GOT IT! I hate dealing with "those people," I would rather live in Hell, or Scranton, than in one of those boroughs. Although, the Captain pointed out, "How do you know he doesn't hang up the phone and tell his wife, 'I have to tell this kid everything six times before he gets it.'"
1) Well, you don't see that every day. Which part? EVERY PART! HOLY CRAPOLA, 24! LET IT FLY!!!
2) Good, I got that out of my system...First of all, this game was delayed nearly 40 minutes because Cleveland's owner, the buffoonish Dan Gilbert, apparently is too cheap to pay for a scoreboard that doesn't leak lighter fluid all over the court during pregame warmups. I know the economy is bad in the Midwest, but Jesus - you don't even have a scoreboard that works? The referees huddled, and here's how they tried to fix the leak: by squinting up into the rafters and pointing at the source of the offending drip for several minutes. Finally, someone figured out to lower the scoreboard down from the ceiling and try to plug up the gusher. During the delay, KJ James spent a lot of time talking to teammates, the refs, even people in the crowd, and his hand gestures appeared to be telling them exactly what would make a scoreboard leak, and how you would fix that. Listen, I spent two years being shocked when KJ knew anything non-basketball related. By this point, I give in: if he says he knows how to fix the leak, I believe him. Anyways, that was a bizarre beginning to the game, but at least no fans ran onto the court...Oh, later, yes, then a fan did run onto the court - no, there didn't appear to be any security, why would there be? The Heat's security director, David Holcombe, had to run on to the court and grab the guy. The fan told KJ that he missed him and wanted him to come back to Cleveland, and KJ smiled and patted him on the head, like a dog. "I didn't have much time to talk to him before they took him away," shrugged KJ. What were the odds a douchey fan was going to run onto the court during this road trip, and it wasn't going to be in Boston?!!! Quite an operation Dan Gilbert and the Cavaliers are running...
3) But that paled in comparison to the game itself. The Cavs came flying out of the gate, without their three best players (Kyrie Irving, Dion Waiters, and Anderson Varejo) and blew the doors of Miami. They got to the rim; they made jumpers; they blocked shots. The Heat looked like they were playing in quicksand. They couldn't get stops, they couldn't make shots. At halftime the Cavs led by 21...It didn't feel over - Miami is so much better than this Cleveland group that 21 felt doable - but then the second half started and it was more of the same. When Dwyane Wade politely fouled Tyler Zeller on a three point play with just under 8 minutes to go, to put the Cavs up 27, then it seemed over. Wayyy over. To that point in the game, no Heat player had either run, or jumped, let alone take some kind of running start then jumped. And you know what? It felt okay. It was disappointing that the streak was going to end, but if it was going to end, at least it was just going to end because the Heat absolutely didn't have it. That happens to every team in this league, no matter who you play against. It was predictable, but the complete lack of energy and competence was, in its utter totality, surprising (even though logically you knew it had to happen at some point).
4) And then Shane Battier made back to back triples. And the Heat got a couple of stops. And then M.Minutos took her hoodie and flipped the hood up - hood up is "emergency comeback mode." You don't talk about it, you just do it. Then Mario "Emcee" Chalmers (17 points on 5-8) made a couple of hoops, then KJ scored a couple of hoops, the Cavs went cold, then Battioke drained another triple, then Ray Allen hit a bomb, and all of a sudden, the lead was 6. A Daniel Gibson buzzer-beater sent the lead back to 9 after three, but by that point it felt over - in Miami's favor! Didn't seem like there was any way the Cavs were going to be able to hold off Miami. And the fourth quarter started with a runout where Chalmers threw an "alley-oop" into KJ's waist, but KJ recovered the loose ball, then put it back into the basket; then he made a triple, then he made a 26 foot bomb, and from the 7:40 mark of the third quarter to the 9:30 mark of the fourth quarter - 10 minutes of game-time - Miami had erased the entire 27 point deficit and led by 1. Ummm, ballgame. By the way, that's utterly insane. KJ never really played efficiently, but he still finished with a triple-double: 25 points, 12 rebounds, 10 assists (kept finding Allen for open triples in the fourth quarter), and 2 huge blocks coming down the stretch. It wasn't his best game, but it was one of his most willful games. Other guys contributed: Allen, Battioke, Chalmers all made three triples each (Ray also somehow had 5 steals - the Cavs kept throwing the ball right to him in the 4th quarter), but the image I'll remember most from the game was a late possession where KJ grabbed an offensive rebound, got hammered, missed the putback, got it back with yellow shirts just bouncing off him from every angle, got fouled again - this time they called it - and came flying out of the pack squeezing the ball so hard that I thought it was going to explode. Man possessed. Had Jason Terry been on the Cavs, KJ probably would have killed him again with another dunk. It was quite a sight. Streak lives.
5) The Cavs owner may be one of the bigger tools in the NBA (you could argue he's the whole toolshed, and it would be hard to dispute you); their scoreboard is a ticking time bomb; and they apparently do not employ security at their games. But at least they have the only coach in the NBA who appears to be taking PEDs! You think this is Byron Scott's bedroom? Like, he has a big photo montage of himself in his playing days on his bedroom wall, and he poses in front of it every year for the team press guide? "Byron, this time we could take a picture of you on the court or something," "I said NO!"
6) I rarely like to use this space to air my personal grievances, but this is a personal frustration that's been irritating me the last couple of days. Over at Dos Minutos International Headquarters, we deal with people from all over the world - hence the "international" in our title. You know who the most aggravating people to deal with are? People from New York. Not people from Manhattan, they are fine. I mean people from like, Yonkers, the Bronx, etc. I'm not great at geography, but I think they call those the "boroughs." It's like trying to speak to cave people who have just acquired verbal communication skills. They aren't, like, totally confident in language yet, it's like, they would feel a lot better if they could take a piece of charred stick from the community fire and draw out what they are trying to communicate on the wall of their cave. I have had six conversations in the past three days with a dude from one of the boroughs and it goes like this every time:
Him: So she and I did it, maybe it wasn't the best, but that's what we did.
Me: I understand.
Him: Maybe it wasn't the best, but that's what we did, you know, we felt that's what we had to do.
Me: Right, I got it. I totally understand what you are saying, and I have dealt with this exact type of situation before.
Him: You know what I am saying? Maybe we could have done something else, but we didn't, this is the way we did it, we thought, for us, this is what we should do, and that's what we did.
Me: Wait - what did you do?
Soooo frustrating. Hey, half-wit: I GOT IT! I hate dealing with "those people," I would rather live in Hell, or Scranton, than in one of those boroughs. Although, the Captain pointed out, "How do you know he doesn't hang up the phone and tell his wife, 'I have to tell this kid everything six times before he gets it.'"
By the way, that caller from the boroughs? Puff Daddy. No lie.
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The long road trip is over. Back home on Friday to play Detroit. If you need me before then, I'll be at Dos Minutos Int'l HQs talking to more people from New York's boroughs...You know, I'll be at the HQs talking to people from the boroughs...Yeah, I'm not saying you'll need me, but I'll be talking to people from the boroughs over at the HQs....Yo, you know, if need me, I'll be..........
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Monday, March 18, 2013
Heat 105 Celtics 103
6 Thoughts
1) I mean, that's how the streak was meant to end, right? You play your arch-rival, a franchise whose entire reason for existence is to suck the fun out of as many peoples' lives as possible, in their building, on the second night of a back-to-back. Further, the one player on their team the other Celtics despise the most, Kevin Garnett, pretended he had the flu so that his daddy, Chris Bosh, couldn't take him apart again, giving the rest of the Celtics players a huge energy boost because they were so elated to be freed from Garnett's annoying in-game antics. Most inspired was Garnett's backup, Jeff Green, who went nuclear with 43 points. You get down 17 early, battle back to take the lead in the third quarter, then get back down 13 again with under 9 minutes to go in the game. The in-bred Boston fans are going freakin' mental, knowing that they will have at least one exciting victory to talk about while mud-bogging for clams on the Cape this summer after the New Jersey Nets humiliate them in the second round of the playoffs. I mean, that's how it should end, that's fitting, right?...I just got one question for the Boston Celtics, and Celtic fans everywhere. Do you, umm, like apples? Did you hear me? I said: DO YOU LIKE APPLES!!! STREAKS!!! 23!!! LET IT FLYYY!!!
2) Jeff Green really played one of the best games I've seen a dude play in a super-long time, except for KJ James and Dwyane Wade, who each play that way fairly regularly. You don't win 23 games in a row running Norris Cole-Udonis Haslem pick-and-rolls, you know. Green had 22 points with 9 minutes left in the second quarter! The Celts kept running this complex set where they gave the ball to Green at the top of the key, he would drive right, either Udonis Haslem or Shane Battier would bump into him, and the refs would call a foul as he dropped the ball politely into the hoop. Then, when he got bored with that, he went back behind the three point line and started dropping triples. With 8 minutes to go in the fourth quarter, and the Celts up 13, he had 43 points. He came out for a brief rest right about the time KJ James came back into the game. Oops. From that point on, James scored 13 points - and also posted up and found shooters, especially a huge Mario "3io" Chalmers bomb from the top to put Miami up a point with 2:40 to go. Twice in the closing moments, Green tried to get to the rim: the first time Chris Bosh slid across the lane and blocked his shot (a solid 8 minutes of defensive effort from Christopher tonight), and the second time, with 7 seconds to go down 2, he tried to take Shane Battier off the dribble, only to have Battier block it. After about a thirty minute break while the referees tried to figure out if the ball had gone off Battier or Green (I mean, it's the same two or three replays. No matter how many times you look at it, it isn't going to change - make a call and let's move on), Pierce missed a triple with KJ standing in his chest, Battier clowned Pierce by throwing an inbounds pass off his back to end the game, and KJ was the hero, while Jeff Green became a historical footnote. Still Green was unbelievably fantastic, a career night for the ages: 43 points on 14-21 (5-7 triples), 7 rebounds, and 4 blocks, although the only cool Celtic fan I know, WebMinutos, wasn't pleased: "Jeff Green should have tried harder."
3) No Rondo, no Garnett (although the dark cloud of negativity and disappointment they breed could still be felt throughout the arena, like a deathly, poisonous haze). Now if only Paul Pierce skips the next game too, Boston might beat us...
4) It was a good win, a solid win, but let's face it, it was just another game for the Heat, while it was the Celtics' championship - they probably won't play a more meaningful game all year, if only because they won't have another chance to collectively a ruin a whole group of fans' joy so profoundly. The Heat will move on to the next city and forget about this one, while it will sting the Celtics for awhile, this will haunt them when they are shoveling the snow off Kevin Garnett's driveway tomorrow (his orders). Still, they are a professional basketball team - well, okay, they aren't professional about it, but they do play for money, and eventually they will move on and forget this one. Oh, all except for this guy:
5) KJ James on the dunk: "I seen him down there. I guess he didn't see me." Jason Terry: do you like apples?
6) Olympic skier Lindsey Vonn is dating former professional golfer Tiger Woods. You remember him, he's the guy whose wife tried to kill him with a golf club one Thanksgiving a few years ago. Hide the ski poles, Tiger: HIDE THE SKI POLES!!!
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Not sure when the next game is. Wednesday, against Cleveland, I believe. I hope we lose to them, just to spite Boston! If you need me before then, I WILL BE EATING APPLES!!!
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1) I mean, that's how the streak was meant to end, right? You play your arch-rival, a franchise whose entire reason for existence is to suck the fun out of as many peoples' lives as possible, in their building, on the second night of a back-to-back. Further, the one player on their team the other Celtics despise the most, Kevin Garnett, pretended he had the flu so that his daddy, Chris Bosh, couldn't take him apart again, giving the rest of the Celtics players a huge energy boost because they were so elated to be freed from Garnett's annoying in-game antics. Most inspired was Garnett's backup, Jeff Green, who went nuclear with 43 points. You get down 17 early, battle back to take the lead in the third quarter, then get back down 13 again with under 9 minutes to go in the game. The in-bred Boston fans are going freakin' mental, knowing that they will have at least one exciting victory to talk about while mud-bogging for clams on the Cape this summer after the New Jersey Nets humiliate them in the second round of the playoffs. I mean, that's how it should end, that's fitting, right?...I just got one question for the Boston Celtics, and Celtic fans everywhere. Do you, umm, like apples? Did you hear me? I said: DO YOU LIKE APPLES!!! STREAKS!!! 23!!! LET IT FLYYY!!!
2) Jeff Green really played one of the best games I've seen a dude play in a super-long time, except for KJ James and Dwyane Wade, who each play that way fairly regularly. You don't win 23 games in a row running Norris Cole-Udonis Haslem pick-and-rolls, you know. Green had 22 points with 9 minutes left in the second quarter! The Celts kept running this complex set where they gave the ball to Green at the top of the key, he would drive right, either Udonis Haslem or Shane Battier would bump into him, and the refs would call a foul as he dropped the ball politely into the hoop. Then, when he got bored with that, he went back behind the three point line and started dropping triples. With 8 minutes to go in the fourth quarter, and the Celts up 13, he had 43 points. He came out for a brief rest right about the time KJ James came back into the game. Oops. From that point on, James scored 13 points - and also posted up and found shooters, especially a huge Mario "3io" Chalmers bomb from the top to put Miami up a point with 2:40 to go. Twice in the closing moments, Green tried to get to the rim: the first time Chris Bosh slid across the lane and blocked his shot (a solid 8 minutes of defensive effort from Christopher tonight), and the second time, with 7 seconds to go down 2, he tried to take Shane Battier off the dribble, only to have Battier block it. After about a thirty minute break while the referees tried to figure out if the ball had gone off Battier or Green (I mean, it's the same two or three replays. No matter how many times you look at it, it isn't going to change - make a call and let's move on), Pierce missed a triple with KJ standing in his chest, Battier clowned Pierce by throwing an inbounds pass off his back to end the game, and KJ was the hero, while Jeff Green became a historical footnote. Still Green was unbelievably fantastic, a career night for the ages: 43 points on 14-21 (5-7 triples), 7 rebounds, and 4 blocks, although the only cool Celtic fan I know, WebMinutos, wasn't pleased: "Jeff Green should have tried harder."
3) No Rondo, no Garnett (although the dark cloud of negativity and disappointment they breed could still be felt throughout the arena, like a deathly, poisonous haze). Now if only Paul Pierce skips the next game too, Boston might beat us...
4) It was a good win, a solid win, but let's face it, it was just another game for the Heat, while it was the Celtics' championship - they probably won't play a more meaningful game all year, if only because they won't have another chance to collectively a ruin a whole group of fans' joy so profoundly. The Heat will move on to the next city and forget about this one, while it will sting the Celtics for awhile, this will haunt them when they are shoveling the snow off Kevin Garnett's driveway tomorrow (his orders). Still, they are a professional basketball team - well, okay, they aren't professional about it, but they do play for money, and eventually they will move on and forget this one. Oh, all except for this guy:
5) KJ James on the dunk: "I seen him down there. I guess he didn't see me." Jason Terry: do you like apples?
6) Olympic skier Lindsey Vonn is dating former professional golfer Tiger Woods. You remember him, he's the guy whose wife tried to kill him with a golf club one Thanksgiving a few years ago. Hide the ski poles, Tiger: HIDE THE SKI POLES!!!
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Not sure when the next game is. Wednesday, against Cleveland, I believe. I hope we lose to them, just to spite Boston! If you need me before then, I WILL BE EATING APPLES!!!
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