1) You know how many wins in a row is a lot? Like 9. That's a lot of wins in a row. But 27?...This is ridiculous: it's too many damn wins in a row! Miami sleepwalked through the first two and a half quarters, then turned the jets on for 4:30 and blew Orlando off the floor in that brief span: 20-2 run, ballgame. No matter how hard the other team plays (and Orlando gave good effort), the Heat know they are going to hit the other team with a run at some point, they know they are going to win, and they know they are going to photo bomb Jason Jackson's attempt to conduct a postgame interview. WINNING NEVER GETS OLD! MIKE MILLER STARTED AGAIN! LET IT FLY!!!
2) KJ James really didn't play hard until about 3 minutes remained in the third quarter. Why bother, frankly? From that point on, he started thundering to the lane and finishing plays, but even more impressively, throwing some of the most ridiculous laser beam passes you will ever see. He spun out of a double team and found Rashard Lewis 30 feet away for an open triple. He dribbled the ball casually with his right hand above the three point line and then casually flipped a 35' rainbow right off the dribble on the money to Birdman Anderson who caught it in, umm, full-flight, and reverse-toma-side-hawked it down with aggression. Then KJ drove middle, kind of crossed over to the left, flipped the ball up with his right hand, but then caught it with his left hand and threw a cross-court bullet back to Ray Allen's exact-perfect shooting pocket behind the arc for a triple. NBA blogger Zach Harper said it best about that pass: "Ray Allen shot that before LeBron even passed it, and LeBron passed it before the game even started." Someone else pointed out on Twitter: "When the Heat want you dead, you dead." Yep. Pretty much.
3) KJ finished with 24 points on 9-16, with 11 assists, and 9 rebounds. Spo gave him one extra possession on the court to try to get the 10th rebound. E'twan Moore rose for a jumper, KJ crashed middle, and Moore's shot pretty much missed everything, and deflected off Chris Bosh out of bounds. KJ mock-stomped away in mock-frustration, kicked the ball, and went to the bench to watch the last few minutes of the game. Then, a short while later, when Jax was trying to interview Ray Allen (and had already been raucously interrupted by Mario Chalmers...and Udonis Haslem?), KJ suddenly popped in front of the camera and did this:
Then he turned around and put it on Ray and Jax, and made them laugh. This kid is loose, the team is loose (when UD is being silly, that's something) - it's crazy. We really haven't seen anything like this. You know why? BECAUSE NO ONE HAS EVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THIS! ARE YOU DAFT? TWENTY-SEVEN STRAIGHT WINS! EVEN WHEN THE LAKERS WON THEIR 33 STRAIGHT, THERE WERE A BUNCH OF ALLSTAR PLAYERS WHO HAD GONE TO PLAY IN THE ABA, AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT LEAGUE, SO THE COMPETITION WAS WATERED DOWN! PLUS, HALF THE LEAGUE WAS 35 YEAR OLD WHITE CIGARETTE SMOKERS WITH BAD COMBOVERS! THE HEAT WERE 29-14 - NOW THEY ARE 56-14!!! NO ONE HAS EVER DONE WHAT THE HEAT ARE DOING RIGHT NOW! NEVER! NEV-VER!!!
4) Shooters, dude. Miami was 15-28 from behind the arc. Mario Chalmers hit 4-5 and Ray Allen made 4-6. Rashard Lewis (didn't really seem to hate what Orlando did to him, which was basically pay him $130 million for about $40 million worth of production) made 3-5, and Norris Cole (!) made 3-4. But Battier and Mike Miller were a combined 1-7. Losers.
5) Birdman triggered the third quarter run by getting a layup try rejected, then turning and sprinting full-speed back down the court just in time to catch Magic rookie forward Moe Harkless trying to get to the rim in transition. Harkless never saw Bird coming, elevated, and Bird hammered Harkless' layup from above and behind with a full karate chop swing, rocketing the ball back down off a shocked Harkless and out of bounds: Miami ball. There could have been three hoops scored on either end in the time it would have taken Chris Bosh to saunter back down the court on a play like that. "I don't think he drinks unleaded coffee," Tony Fiorentino told Eric Reid (hip use of 'unleaded' by Tony Toni Tone). Of course not - Birdman drinks human blood. Duh.
6) Big debate at Dos Minutos International Headquarters today: we were talking about pecan pies. How do you pronounce "pecan?" Do you say "pe-can," like an can of soda? Or "pe-kahn," like the wrath of Kahn? Answer: neither, it's a trick question, pecan pies are brutal, they are a dumb dessert for dumb people who are not smart enough to demand fruit in their pies. "Hey, I've got some leftover pecans: how about I crush them up into an inedible gravel-like substance, bake it in a crappy pie shell for about 8 hours, then serve it to you with a dollop of supermarket-brand whipped topping, just so it gets moist enough to choke down?" But, if you have to pronounce the word "pecan," here's a tip: if you want to sound like you live in a trailer park, or are from New York, say "pe-can," like "can." If you want to sound like you conceivably finished high school, and have almost assuredly showered at some point in the past two days, say "pe-kahn." You're welcome...
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It ends Wednesday in Chicago. All good things have to. If you need me before then, I'll be enjoying a delicious boysenberry pie. Bon appetit!
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