1) This is bad, very, very bad. You can not get blown out at home, to a mediocre team that you lost to in their building two nights ago, and to a team that is only two games behind you in the chase for the last playoff spot. The Heat is 24-24, and: way wrong the going.
2) Injury report: Dwyane Wade - hobbled with a bad back, but struggled his way to 23 points. He scored the first 11 - it was 11-0 Heat - before the roof started to cave in. Mike Beasley - back with a hyperextended knee, wearing a brace that made him look, somehow, even more land-locked. 16 points on 6-16 for Super. Mario Chalmers - out for a week or two with a thumb injury - the way he is playing right now, that actually constituted a bright spot. Jermaine O'Neal - out with back spasms, and a mild case of Bogut-itis.
3) Look, we don't blame Jermaino - Andrew Bogut is our fourth favorite Australian right now, behind Thor, the kid from Avatar with the awful American accent, and Rod Laver. Approximately six thousand spots ahead of Russell Crowe. Dominated Saturday night, and dominated last night: 22 and 11 on 10-13 shooting. He was awesome - plants his frame in the basket area, receives passes, and flips in shorts hooks with both hands. High, high level player right now - awesome to see him become so good. Milwaukee is definitely a threat to catch Miami and knock them out of the playoffs, and Bogut is, easily, the biggest reason why. He's had injury problems in the past, and it would be terrible - terrible - if he couldn't make it through the rest of this season healthy. Terrible...Right?
4) Late in the first quarter, a wave of substitutions left Milwaukee with Carlos Delfino, Luke Ridenour, Andrew Bogut, and Ersan Ilyasova on the court. Four-fifths of a white wash! Ohhhh, so close. I curse you, fifth man on the court, Luc Mbah A Moute, I really, really curse you.
5) Not too sure what happened from the five minute mark of the third quarter to the end - reading the new J.Crew catalog. This issue, clothes inspired by the beautiful city of Lisbon! Sweet! Where is that, again? It's a city somewhere, right? Not like an ancient city, right, it is still, like, a real city somewhere?
6) Okay, so yesterday it occurred to me that we have added a lot of new readers in recent weeks - more people have asked to be on the email list, and we have received more responses than ever before. And, it seems, a disproportionate number of the new signees and emailers have been women. That's great! So, yesterday in DM Int'l HQs, we talked about ways to get our women readers even more involved, make them feel even more welcome, show them just how much we appreciate them. "Well," said The Captain, "if you want to talk to the ladies, you have to talk about Lady Gaga." Jesus - he's right! He and I pooled all our knowledge about The Ga - here's what we came up with. And, Ladies, remember, this is for you:
- It is pronounced "gah-gah," and not "guh-GAH." We think.
- She hates the paparazzi - it is the only song of hers that I know; yet four-fifths of her career appears predicated on the paparazzi taking pictures of her; by the way, I am not saying that song is awesomely catchy, or anything, but I am pretty sure I know all the words
- She kisses a lot of girls in videos - The Captain pointed out she stole that from Madonna. I said, "she stole lesbianism from Madonna?" He said, "no - bisexuality. Madonna invented bisexuality. You, of all people, should know that."
- She knows more about stuff to put in, on, and around your eyes than anyone, ever. I am pretty sure that in one of the pictures we looked at during our "research" yesterday, she had pancakes on her face. With syrup.
- Do we know where she is from? The Captain and I didn't have any idea. Is she from America? Lisbon?
- Quick quiz: How is Lady Gaga like Dos Minutos? She had an audience with Queen Elizabeth. I saw Queen Elizabeth - twice - on my honeymoon, at Westminster Abbey and at Hyde Park. She was hot! - just kidding. Anyways, The Captain mocked my contention that I had "seen" Queen Elizabeth - "Oh, yeah, I saw her too, I was in Wembley Stadium, and she was there eating bangers and chips!" "I think it is bangers and mash." "Whatever - you didn't see her." Anyways, Lady Gaga asserted that she is a "massive fan" of Queen Elizabeth. Also, was wearing red vinyl for the meeting - Ga, not Elizabeth. The Captain pointed out that the world has changed: "Ten years old, the Queen would have never received someone like Lady Gaga." "Ten years ago? Or one hundred?" "Ten. Although, Prince Harry would have given her a run for her money."
Okay, that's it, that's all we know about Gaga. Ladies, I hope you enjoyed that. Fellas, take good care of your girls. We'll see you for mid-week games, on the road, back-to-back, against Cleveland and Boston - that should be, um, fun?