6 Thoughts
1) Good bounce back win after getting brutalized by Boston at home. The Heat ease past the halfway mark at 23-19. Last year's team finished 15-67, so, you know, this year is quite a bit better. Once again I can't believe this is the case, but Jamal Magloire turned the game. Drew two quick fouls in the third quarter on Magic uber-center Dwight Howard, the second on a veteran "whoa-this-guy-just-propelled-me-eight-feet-over-the-baseline-during-a-rebound-with-a-light-forearm-in-the-back-even-though-I-weigh-at-least-270-pounds-and-spend-approximately-85%-of-my-playing-time-leaning-on-people" flop. Heat ballooned their lead from 5 to 15 with Howard on the bench, and held on for a victory. The Big Cat threw in 7 rebounds in 22 minutes, and also drew a charge. I am ready to say it: he is playing like an actual NBA player now. Shhhhh, everybody be quiet--don't wake him up.
2) Big night for Mario Chalmers who came out smoking in the first quarter and ended up with 20 points for the game on 8-12 shooting, hit a key runner over Jameer Nelson with under a minute to go, then sealed the victory with a strip of Nelson on the other end. After a rough patch on the road, he's found his legs a little bit, and re-established himself as a positive contributor. Right now Chalmers is one of a bananas number of rookies playing well. Clipper rookie guard Eric Gordon, an afterthought for much of this year, dropped 41 on someone two nights ago. So far this rookie class is deep and talented.
3) In one of the more bizarre moments of this or any season, Magic backup point guard Anthony Johnson fouled Heat guard Chris Quinn three times on the same possession. Reached in on a drive - one. Tried to go over a screen and grabbed his arm trying to squeeze through - two. Tried to block his runner in the lane, knocked him over - three. Then, argued the third call - or maybe all three at once - and was given a technical foul. That's four infractions in the span of about 20 game seconds - all trying to guard Chris Quinn, no less, who has the approximate foot speed of Howard Stern sidekick Artie Lange. That was odd. It was a frustrating and testy night for Orlando. Coach Stan Van Gundy was given a first quarter technical, and Dwight Howard earned two, including an ejection with a second to go. It's aggravating to lose to a team whose tallest starter is 6'8".
4) Alonzo Mourning has officially retired. His accomplishments are many, and he will be missed. Most remember him for his defensive intensity, his (at times annoying) muscle-flexing antics, or when Knick coach Jeff Van Gundy attached himself to his leg like a small Chihuahua clinging to a swinging slab of meat. Myself, I will always remember Zo's bench demeanor during the waning moments of Game 6 in Dallas, with the Heat trying to close out the Mavs and become World Champions. Inside of three minutes to go, with the Heat clinging to a slight lead, several bench shots showed Mourning sitting on the edge of his seat, clearly trying to relax in an unrelaxable situation. He had come so far: from foster homes, to a career at Georgetown forged on intimidation (which sometimes incited great negative emotions to be thrown his way), to becoming the leader of a Miami franchise which suffered innumerable heartbreak at the hands of the Knicks, to his kidney illness, recovery, then relapse and eventual transplant, finally finding his way back home to Miami to give it one last try with the Heat. And here he sat, moments from a championship which had seemed like it would never, ever come. And it was everything he could do to make himself watch - he stroked his chin, trying to calm himself and not lose his mind. I could sympathize because I was doing the exact same thing in my living room...Moments later when the Heat won, Zo exploded off the bench in paroxysms of joy. I have never seen him quite so happy, and it warmed my heart. Worth noting in that decisive game 6, Zo played 13 minutes, and had 8 points, 6 rebounds, and 5 blocks, and turned the game around in the second quarter with his intensity. Say what you will about the guy - he cared...Farewell, Zo, Dos Minutos bids you Godspeed.
5) Back to more immediate matters, The Captain had these thoughts on the Tom Cruise-Hitler situation:
If you polled 100 random people and asked them "who would you rather kill: Adolph Hitler or Tom Cruise", what would the ratio be? 50-50? 60-40? If you polled people at a Scientology convention Boca Raton,Fl, would that tilt the scales in favor of the fuhrer? What if you asked Brooke Shields psychologist? What if you asked Katie Holmes? What if you asked John Holmes? I think a typical person (my apologies to any neo-nazis reading this column right now) would rather kill Hitler but Tom is definitely closing the gap. My lovely Captainette thinks he's handsome. So do I, not there's anything wrong with that, but I hate him all the same. Please excuse me now as I'm going to go fantasize that I'm having a three-way with Nicole Kidman and Eva Braun.
The Captain
Well said, The Captain, well said. This seems like a good time to mention that The Captain and I have a long-running disagreement over Nicole Kidman. I find her to be a handsome woman - too handsome. And too tall - I don't like a woman that I feel can potentially overpower me. The Captain calls her "willowy," and thinks I could take her, but why even risk finding out?
6) Some quick initial feedback on Dos Minutos "The Record," vol. 1. (still available for free for the asking). One reader asks: "Didn't you ever get stoned to music made after 1975?" He is referring, I assume, to the inclusion of songs from Dos Minutos' "top three stoner albums of all-time" (Astral Weeks by Van Morrison, Exile on Main Street by the Stones, and The Final Cut by Pink Floyd). Excellent question. Yes, I did. Presenting Dos Minutos' top three albums for getting stoned, after 1975 division:
1) Mama Said, Lenny Kravitz
2) Porno for Pyros, Porno for Pyros
3) Truth and Soul, Fishbone
In fairness, getting stoned ended in the mid-90s (for us at Dos), so there is now a 15 year gap of new music unexplored by this cosmic traveller. One recent album that seems like it would be excellent to get stoned to: The Black Parade, by My Chemical Romance. Also, every note of music ever made by Radiohead.
