Blown out in Denver. Dick Vitale announcing the game. Bad times. Bad, bad times.
6 Thoughts - the Most Inaccurate or Most Obvious 6 Things Dick Vitale said during the game - because everything he says fits in to one of those two general categories. He's remarkably consistent, actually.
We're not even going to tell jokes because we are too tired and too angry. Not about the loss - that's fine. But you only get 82 NBA games a year as a fan - what gives ESPN the right to ruin one of them? Plus, Denver is good, and Miami has been a pleasant surprise thus far - shouldn't it be two bad teams' fans that get penalized by having to listen to Vitale? It doesn't make any sense that it was pretty good teams - what did they do wrong?
To you, our Dos readers, you should probably just stop reading this one now, because this post is going to suck...we just feel it should be documented. Plus, we suffered - you should have to suffer. Also, someday, a thousand years from now, we don't want to even take the chance that someone will think we approved of this moron broadcasting an NBA game.
1) "I think Kobe, LeBron, and Wade are special players, and they are the three best players in the league."
2) J.R. Smith steals a ball at midcourt, obliviously races down the court and dunks it a second after the half-time buzzer. No basket. "Great awareness by him to recognize the time remaining and try to beat it." He could have pulled up and shot a jumper and beat the clock, actually.
3) "Dwyane Wade is a big-time scorer and I predict he will go for 25 tonight!" He averages over 28.
4) "Miami should really go to Beasley a little more here, get him some touches, he's not touching the ball enough." Beasley wasn't even in the game. As a matter of fact, there were three minutes to go in the third quarter and he hadn't yet played in the second half. So if you figure in halftime, Beasley hadn't even been on the court for like 45 minutes.
5) "It's a shame the average NBA fan doesn't know who Greg Popovich is." To Thor: he is the coach of the 4 time champion San Antonio Spurs. Every average NBA fan knows exactly who he is.
6) "It's a shame some guys don't handle their decision making process better away from the court" - about J.R. Smith, who has had numerous scrapes with the law, but, honestly, doesn't even handle his on-court decision making that well - see # 2. By the way, we assume by "some guys," he meant black guys, but we're not sure. He didn't question any of Smith's white teammate Chris Anderson's off-court decision making even though he was suspended from the NBA for two season for drug use. Moments later, Smith scored a basket and they showed his mother cheering in the crowd. "It's great his mother lives here with him, she is really helping him grow up and mature."
Let's just keep going, since there were a few more.
7) Miami fouled on purpose to stop the clock: "That has to be called an intentional foul." They don't have that rule in the NBA.
8) "There are so many more open shots in the NBA than in college that Stephen Curry will be a star." Actually, in terms of sheer accuracy, this was by far the most inaccurate.
9) "I don't like that kids can go to the NBA after one year of college. I think we should make a Blue Ribbon panel with Michael Jordan on it and let them decide which kids can go to the pros early."
Also worthy of note: spent much of the second quarter hawking a book that he wrote.
We have to be honest, we didn't make it all the way to end of the game with the sound on, so there could have been a lot of dumb things that we missed. By the way, we should mention that his partner, Dan Shulman, was equally bad. Combined, the two of them talked for approximately 2 hours 39 minutes and 50 seconds of a 2 hour and 40 minute broadcast. We can see the game going on. We don't watch a lot of college basketball - is there something different going on which requires the announcers to constantly be filling dead air? These two make Heat color commentator Tony Fiorentino sound like Spalding Gray.
I apologize for the whole Dos Minutos staff - we'll try to bounce back next game.
------------------------------------
Before we go, wanted to post something from The Captain, in response to the recommendation of "Set the Ray to Jerry" by the Smashing Pumpkins:
I prefer Yes' "Heart of the Sunrise". This work will take you through so many changes that you're not sure where the song begins and ends. It runs the gamut from the 21st century urban confusion to dreamy pastoralism that, it seems, only the British can do. Squire slamming rigid bass lines off of Howe's intricate axe work and crowned with Anderson's unstrained falsetto as pure as virgin flesh. You can hear excerpts of this composition in the melancholy indie film Buffalo 66. Dos likes to criticize this band, one of my all time favs but what can you expect from someone who thinks the Arctic Monkeys are the next Beatles.
We didn't say that the Artic Monkeys were the next Beatles; what we said was that the Arctic Monkeys make the Beatles sound like a bunch of girls.
And, though they are dear, dear friends with an absolute passion for yodeling about the Queen, Yes sucks.
