1) Well, Dwyane Wade is back, but Miami still lost. Showed a half's worth of life before being methodically ground out by the better and deeper Magic in the second quarter. Miami has now lost 4 straight, after winning 5 straight, preceded by losing 5 straight. Sitting in 9th place, with 22 games to go. 9 of next 10 at home, but some good teams coming to town - the weaker Warriors on Tuesday, followed by the Lakers on Thursday, and Atlanta Saturday. Some guys are going to have to try - hard - to get their minds right...
2)...and candidate number 1 is Mike Beasley. Look, we love Mike and we hate to keep pounding him here, but what are we going to do? The Heat is trying to make the playoffs and convince Wade to re-sign in the off-season. They are struggling. Their biggest problem is their inability to score. Mike's only NBA-level skill is scoring. And then he comes out again today, for the fourth game in a row, and stinks out the entire city of Orlando - and believe me, that takes some doing, Orlando is a brutal, brutal city in which to spend time. It's like living in South Florida, except without the ocean or cultural diversity - it's basically Oklahoma, but hotter. Anyways, Mike was awful - I mean just awful - he had 1 point and 1 rebound in 18 minutes, and got taken apart defensively by Rashard Lewis. Beas played his way off the court in the second half - you couldn't put him out there and still be serious about trying to win. Not sure what's up with the kid these days, but he definitely needs a mind-rightness intervention...
3) Dwyane Wade came back a little rusty, but spirited and had 17 first half points, but finished with just 21 overall, as things generally deteriorated in the second half. Had a little edge to him early, going hard to the basket, drawing fouls, and scowling. Drawing a particularly mean scowl was the frustratingly mellow Vince Carter, who sidled up to Wade during a dead ball after Wade had taken a hard foul to exchange pleasantries. Carter is, to his own detriment, one of the mildest mannered players in the NBA, and looked somewhat taken aback at Wade's death stare. The difference in personalities, though, probably explains some of the success Wade has had relative to Carter - Wade has carried a team to a title, while Carter is seen as one of the bigger underachievers in recent NBA history. I'm rooting for Vince to do well in the playoffs this year, because he seems like a nice guy - it would be great to see him butch up a little, though...
4)...because no one - no one - can do some of the things he has been able to do throughout his career. He is older now, and doesn't have the quickness or the explosion off the floor that he used to. But one underrated skill of Carter's is his shooting - because he takes so many tough shots, it is easy to look at his percentage and not recognize how good his stroke is. But it is sweet. He is incredibly coordinated and gifted athletically - that was on display tonight when, for the third or fourth time I have seen, he got bumped while dribbling, a foul was called, and casually, with the play over, took a three pointer with his left - off - hand. Tonight's went right in - I think he is like 3 for 4 in the times I have seen him try that. Do you understand how hard that is? Forget the three point line, just go out to the free throw line some evening and try to make shots with your off hand. And don't throw it, either - you really have to shoot it, with the reverse form that you use with your dominant hand. Vimpossible!
5) Well, what a surprise - reports out of Cleveland are that rotund, aging center Shaquille O'Neal, who in all fairness has played well of late, will miss the rest of the regular season after injuring his thumb and needing surgery. He is expected back right around playoff time. I don't know whether that is a good thing or a bad thing for the Cavs. One thing you know about Shaq, he isn't going to let his time away from the game while recovering from surgery get him out of shape:
Someone better call Sports Authority because we are going to need an awfully big treadmill...
6) Okay, we haven't checked in with our favorite band Teenage Middleage Rage for awhile - for one thing, they broke up again after reuniting for the smash hit "Jeff Jeffrey Jeff." But the driving force behind the music, Dos' favorite reader Scott, plays on, and we are posting a message from him here:
"What is the best song of all time? Big Bill, Upstairs Dan & Scott J - the Grumpy Old Bastards (GOBS) - vowed to answer that question once and for all, and, with a combined 147 years of music-listening experience, they were uniquely qualified to do so. Weeks of intense thinking, drinking & listening led to the inescapable conclusion that the best song of all time is ... (drum roll) ... "Louie, Louie." They immediately entered the studio to record this old nugget, cleverly changing the name to "Billy, Billy" and recruiting their good friend, Mr JJ Gobsock, to contribute backing vocals. The result is captured in the explosive video below, which has already set the Internets, ethernets, New York Nets and various tennis nets aflame. Enjoy at your own risk.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PRfu6CDuju0
Also, we'd like to invite you to join the Fa Fa Records Album of the Month Club, which is free to all members of this list (and, indeed, anyone else who might conceivably be interested). Members get a brand-new LP each month from one of the many bands on our roster. February's album is "Reverb Ocean" by The Scott Millers -- 11 tracks of blistering intensity, unbridled enthusiasm and varying musical quality.
Until next time,
GOB ON!"
The only thing we are objecting to here is the premise that "Louie, Louie" is the greatest song of all-time. The greatest five songs of all-time, White Dude category (besides "Jeff Jeffrey Jeff") - at least for today - from 5th best to the best are:
5) The Smashing Pumpkins, "Thirty-Three." Because it is the most wistful and melancholy for angst-y white dudes.
4) Travis, "Sing." Because it is the prettiest, so pretty you ache.
3) The Rolling Stones, "Sway." Because it is the sound of white dudes barely -barely - holding their shit together long enough to play a whole song.
2) Young M.C., "Bust a Move." Because it, along with Rob Base's two monster hits "Joy and Pain" and "It Takes Two," made it okay for white people to like rap music, and for rappers to make hits. And you know you will always sway and bob your head to "Bust a Move," even though it is kind of gay-ish, and you are an aging white dude - just like Clooney in "Up in the Air."
1) The Clash, "Train in Vain." Because it is always the best song, on any list, and it is the most fundamental song ever about the wrongness of certain girls: she said she loved you - that's a fact - but then she left you, said she felt trapped. Ill as hell...
Tuesday, Golden State.
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