Heat 92 Mavs 84 Heat lead 1-0

6 Thoughts

1) Listen - I've taken a lot of credit for Miami's playoff run this season, and maybe some of it was unwarranted.  So let's give some of the credit for this win where it belongs--to my friend Thor!!!  Attending his first basketball game in America, or as he likes to call it, "Enemy Territory!"  The Australian Reverse-Jinx is in FULL EFFECT!!!  More on this down in #4.  As for the game itself, well, it probably wasn't quite as exciting as Thor's reverse-jinx.  Both teams got off to a grinding start, LeBron James and Mario Chalmers (!) made just enough jump shots to keep Miami in it for three quarters, and Miami pulled away for a fairly comfortable win down the stretch powered by a still-apparently-slowed Dwyane Wade, who managed to emerge from a seven-straight half slumber to pour in 15 in the second half, make several defensive plays, and grab a bunch of rebounds.  Game One had to be got - it got got.  Let's Go!!!

2) Sometimes, in the playoffs, when the defense is tough, and easy opportunities are difficult to come by, it just comes down to this: When you really, really need it, can you make enough plays over the top?  Just create a little space, jump up, under duress, shot clock down, and drill a jump shot?  LeBron and Wade are not the best pure shooters in basketball.  But both of them can make plays over the top.  LeBron made his first four triples to keep Miami hanging around when the offense was struggling, including a ridiculous, fall away three with a defender all over him at the third quarter buzzer to put Miami up 4.  He finished 9-15 for 24 points, many of them jumpers, with 9 rebounds and 5 assists.  Wade finished 9-19 for 22, and made the two biggest shots of the game: a pull up jumper over Jason Kidd with 4 minutes to go to put Miami up 7 - their biggest lead to that point - then a block on Shawn Marion and a triple up over the top of Kidd again with 3 minutes to go to push the lead to 9, effectively ending it.  Dallas jammed the paint all night, and has big, physical defenders.  But to contain LeBron and Wade, eventually a defender has to give ground, and give up jumpers - Miami made enough of those tonight to win.

3) UD: struggled early in the game with his shot - he still has no legs after six months off - but fought back to make two second half jumpers of his own, and a sneaky pretend-I'm-running-a-baseline-cut-then-pop-back-in-front-of-Dirk-Nowitzki-to-receive-a-pass-and-finish-a-layup-and-three-point-play in the fourth quarter.  You can't say he "slowed" Dirk - he still finished with 27 points, but UD battled him for 30 minutes, his longest stretch since coming back from injury.  Man, I never thought UD was coming back this season - I can't believe we are back in the Finals and UD is playing...nothing warms my heart more!  Love that boy!

4) Okay, so Thor called me late in the day to tell me he had been invited to the game.  Super-exciting!  He wanted tips on how he should behave.  The building was loud, so I don't know if he remembered to scream "Yabba-Dabba-Do" on LeBron's late dunk, as I advised him to.  With about 20 seconds left in the game, and Dwyane Wade dribbling the clock out, something flew out of the crowd on to the court in celebration of the victory - OH, NO - I FORGOT TO TELL THOR NOT TO THROW SOMETHING ON TO THE COURT IN CELEBRATION OF THE VICTORY WHILE THE GAME IS STILL GOING ON AND DWYANE WADE IS DRIBBLING OUT THE CLOCK!!!  I HOPE HE DIDN'T GET ARRESTED - HE DIDN'T KNOW - HE IS NOT FROM HERE!!!!!!

5) Look, it's cool to make special gear for The Finals.  But when someone at the NBA store came up with the idea for this t-shirt, I might have given it a little more consideration before I printed it.  Holy LeDirk!  Goodness gracious, DiBron!


6) TV Review: Campus PD.  Stumbled across this program by accident last night while chilling out with M.Minutos.  Basically, campus po-licemen drive around hassling poor college kids who are just trying to have a good time.  I HATED THIS SHOW!  As one 18 year old freshman hosting a busted-up party complains to the police, "What's the big deal - this is college; this is what you are supposed to do."  Exactly--I couldn't agree more.  And there was absolutely no need for the po-lice to comment, as dude after dude filed out of the party: "What a sausage hang..."  I don't know what exactly is funny, or entertaining, about bothering good, fun-loving, young Americans - if I were the FCC, or whoever controls tv, I would ban this show, and file criminal charges against the producers.  Also, I didn't appreciate that, when I texted Plumber to alert him of this atrocity, he immediately asked if there were any scenes in which an out-of-control old jalopy thundered across campus (not on the roads - the actual campus, you know, the grass and stuff) late one night during Senior Week with the po-lice in hot pursuit.  A couple of things: one, it wasn't just me in the car, it was also our other roommate AJ, and two girls; two, I wasn't driving, AJ was; three, yes, it was bad decision-making, but in our defense, we were super-drunk, so cut us some slack...Kids don't try this at home; also, never watch Campus PD, unless you want to have a serious case of the night terrors. 

Game Two will be Thursday night, again in Miami.  If you need me before then, I be will out having a car wash, a lemonade stand, and selling candy bars door-to-door, trying to raise money to send Thor to Game Two!  By the way, today is M.Minutos' birthday!  I love her, and she is still as lovely as a spring flower, although living with me for another year can't have helped...See you Thursday!

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Heat 83 Bulls 80 Heat win series 4-1

Prologue: I don't want to toot my own horn, but I just put the Miami Heat in the Finals with the most ridiculous reverse-jinx of all-time.  I'll leave what I wrote below, but so you know, I started writing this post with Miami down double-digits with about 8 minutes to go.  With about three minutes left, and Miami dead in the water still down 12, LeBron and Wade went on a ridiculous binge of threes and long jumpers to put Miami over the top, helped along by league MVP Derrick Rose (an insanely bad 9-29 from the floor) absolutely crumbling in the biggest moments of the game - he fouled Wade twice in the waning moments, including on a made triple, had  2 huge turnovers, including one with 40 seconds to go when LeBron stole a pass right out of his hands, missed a free throw with 20 seconds to go, and had his last-gasp jumper blocked by - guess who - LeBron.  Meanwhile, LeBron made a step back twenty footer to put Miami up a deuce with 30 seconds to go, and Chris Bosh made two free throws with 15 seconds left to win it.  Listen, I don't know what else I can do - no one has ever been more directly responsible for a team winning an elimination game and getting to the championship round than I was tonight.  START THE BUS, GAS UP THE PLANE, GET OUT OF TOWN -- WE ARE IN THE MUTHAFUCKIN' FINALS!!! LET'S GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Original post below:

6 Thoughts (with post-game epilogues!)

1) I'm not even going to lie - I'm starting this blog halfway through the fourth quarter because Miami is going to lose, and I don't want to be up half the night for the third night in 5 or 6 days.  I don't think I've started a post before a game was over since two seasons ago...For a game in which one team could get to the Finals, and one team could be eliminated, these two teams have played an atrocious game.  Chicago, with its season on the line, has been fairly terrible; but Miami has been even worse.  Don't know what the final score is going to be, but it's teetering on the verge of a blowout right now, as it has been most of the night.  Let us go!

Post-comeback epilogue for # 1: This was probably the second most ridiculous comeback in Heat history, after Game 3 of the Finals against Dallas in 2006.  LeBron and Wade went ham (one of LeBron's favorite words), and Bosh was terrific all night long with 20 points and 10 boards.  Combined, the three of them scored Miami's last 33 points.  Bosh was fantastic in this series, averaged 23 and 8 on 60% shooting (!) against arguably the best defensive frontline in basketball.  It says something about how he has played in the playoffs that I had no doubt he would knock down both free throws with 15 seconds left up 1 - in fact, I was actually hoping he would be the one to get fouled, and LeBron felt the same way: made sure to get him the ball, so Chicago would have to foul him...

2) Here's the good news: Miami is coming home for Game 6 on Saturday.  Here's the bad news: something is clearly wrong with Dwyane Wade.  The Heat and Wade aren't saying anything: they claim he's fine.  But he is clearly hurt in some way, or is having the migraine problems again.  Tonight, the TNT announcers are claiming they think it is his shoulder, since he keeps having it worked on while sitting on the bench.  That  may be.  But it looks more like his knees to me - he clearly has no elevation, and he is running his cuts very slowly.  He's had a little tendinitis before in his knees, and it can last for a week or two.  He has murdered Miami tonight - he had 9 turnovers through 3 quarters.  It's one of the worst games I can ever remember anyone playing; anyone else playing this bad would be taken out of the game.  It is all on the line for Miami on Saturday - one home game with a chance to get to the Finals.  The thought of losing and going back to Chicago for a seventh game is daunting.  Let's hope Dwyane feels better, because we have 65 points with 3 minutes left in the game tonight - and he's been the main problem...

Epilogue for # 2: After one of the worst games of his career, Wade scored 8 points in the last 3 minutes to finish with 21, including the four point play with two minutes to go to cut the lead to 3.  The Finals don't start until Tuesday - let's hope the extra time off helps Dwyane get healthier.

3) By the end of every game, I've forgotten that Mike Bibby is still on our team.  And he's a starter!

Epilogue for # 3: With Derrick Rose on the line with 15 seconds to go, down 2, he made the first free throw to cut the lead to 1.  After he missed the second free throw, and Miami grabbed the rebound and called timeout, M.Minutos demanded the dvr be rewound: "I'm pretty sure someone on the Heat bench threw a towel while he was releasing the free throw."  Not "someone," it turns out - Mike Bibby!  He hadn't been in the game for about 90 minutes, again I had forgotten he was on our team, and he took a towel and hurled it diagonally from his spot on the bench across the corner of the court to the baseline as Rose shot the ball in an attempt to distract him.  And it worked!  Look, when you're 0-4 in 16 minutes, and die hard fans are forgetting you are on the team by the start of the fourth quarter every game, you have to find other ways to contribute!

4) Much of this game has been a complaint-fest between Dwyane Wade and Derrick Rose.  Dwyane doesn't get a call and argues.  Then Rose doesn't get a call and he argues.  Then Wade goes over to the refs during a timeout to have a discussion with them, then Rose goes over and does the same thing.  It is  kind of weird that, nationally, these two guys are beloved; yet, LeBron, who rarely argues even though he gets fouled more often, and harder, than those two guys put together, is the one who kind of gets the "bad guy" rap.  Weird.  People would have a better idea of what goes on if they watched the games...

Epilogue for # 4: Only one guy had a reason to be complaining after the game, since the other guy was busy celebrating in the locker room.  And complain he did!  Rose: "It was my fault.  Turnovers down the stretch; fouls - if you want to call them that..."  He's a great player, he'll be back - I expect him to be right back in the conference finals next year, going disbelieving look at the ref for disbelieving look at the ref with Dwyane Wade.

5) When you are on the road, in a elimination game for the home team, you probably aren't going to get many calls.  Tonight was fine - Miami lost on their own.  In fact, one of the highlights for the Heat, in an otherwise dismal night, was a flurry of late third quarter fouls against Chicago that enraged the Bulls, and put off the blowout for a while.  The best foul in the flurry was probably a Carlos Boozer karate chop to the face of LeBron James on a drive, which put LeBron on the floor, and resulted in a flagrant foul for Boozer.  "Sometimes the calls just don't go your way," lamented Bulls coach Tom Thibodeau during his between-quarter interview a couple of minutes after the play.  True.  And you know when they almost never go your way?  When you karate chop a guy in the face!

Epilogue for # 5: For the past 7 years, I was conditioned to root against LeBron James.  Dude, if Dwyane Wade is your guy, you had to root against LeBron.  And I might not see LeBron play for a week, or a month, or six weeks.  And, inevitably, during that time, I would be watching Dwyane play every night, and I would start to think, "There is no way LeBron is better than this - no way.  Dwyane is the best player in the league."  Then Miami would play Cleveland, Dwyane would play great, but LeBron would play just a little bit better, and Cleveland would win.  And I'd hate it, I'd hate those moments, because I would be forced to look at M.Minutos and concede: "You know what?  LeBron is just a little bit better."  This season, watching LeBron game in and game out, at times it would be frustrating because it felt like he only asserted himself in spurts.  But, always, he maintained that he knew what he was doing.  And you know what?  He kind of knew what he was doing.  The way he played on both ends of the court in the eastern playoffs was ridiculous.  Some nights Dwyane was better; a couple of night Chris Bosh was even better.  But almost every single quarter of every single game, LeBron was great.  He just took this season's MVP and annihilated him.  Shut him down in the fourth quarter of four straight games, scored huge baskets himself, and won four straight games, including two on the road, against the best team in basetball this season.  He had 28, 11, and 6 tonight, with 3 steals, and 2 blocks, and won an absolutely unwinnable game down the stretch.  Most guys play a little worse in the playoffs due to the increased intensity across the board - Derrick Rose is a prime example.  He struggled for three straight rounds when teams game-planned for him.  But not LeBron - he's been better in the playoffs, if only because he plays every defensive possession with attention to detail.  I remembering telling people before the season that everyone wondering how Dwyane and LeBron would co-exist offensively were forgetting how tough they would be as a group defensively - I know I made the point that, when it matters, LeBron is the best shut-down defender in the league, and he ended this series by blocking the MVP's last-ditch attempt to tie the game...He is the best player in the league - why do I always end up convincing myself otherwise?  And you know what?  I don't know if we are going to win the title or not, but I am finally starting to kind of feel like he is one of us...One more time, as a tribute to LeBron, but quiet and matter-of-fact this time, as he often comports himself: Let's go.

6) So, today I was explaining one of my rules to someone: You must have a definitive opinion on music, or you are probably too boring to hang out with.  You can't be like, "Oh, I like all kinds of music."  Lame.  And, worse, boring.  It doesn't have to be a specific opinion - it just has to be a strong opinion.  For instance, The Captain loves jazz.  I don't like it, obviously, since it's atrocious.  However, The Captain does, and he will defend it vigorously, and I can respect that.  Then the person to whom I was explaining that rule then pointed out that it seems like I really have a lot of rules, and that it must be difficult to keep them all straight, but really it's not.  There are a lot of rules, true, but they can basically be distilled down into three distinct edicts by which I live:
1) Open air food is terrible.  Once food has left the preparation area, it has a very short shelf life amongst the general population before it quickly become inedible.  Once someone who is not a member of my immediate family has breathed on it - or even been close enough to it to breathe on it - it's over.  I don't eat that.
2) I am never, ever going to tell you my real feelings about anything.  I've learned in therapy that it turns out that I do have some vague-ish actual feelings, but I am never going to tell anyone what they are.  If I do tell you my feelings about something, you can rest assured that that isn't really how I feel.  It isn't so much that I don't want to tell you my real feelings; it's more that, in response, I don't want you to tell me your real feelings.  About anything!  Goodness gracious, let's just everybody keep their feelings to themselves!  It will be a much happier world.
3) If you are not from Connecticut, and most probably from the central to northern portions of Connecticut, no matter who you are, no matter what you say, no matter what you accomplish in life, I am always going to feel like you are a little bit below me, and everyone else who is from where I'm from.  That doesn't mean I won't like you, or be friends with you, and I'm not saying it is accurate or fair.  I'm just saying that it's always going to be somewhere in the back of my mind.

Finals don't start until Tuesday against Dallas.  Enjoy the long weekend everybody.  If you need me, I'll be going to some local youth games to argue with refs, to get ready for the Finals!  See you then!

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Heat 101 Bulls 93 ot Heat lead series 3-1

6 Thoughts

1) It's way, wayyy too late to be writing a blog tonight, so we are trying to go fast.  I have a dentist's appointment early tomorrow morning, so I need to get up.  By the way, I have geographic tongue, a very rare condition (although less so if you are Middle Eastern, which I am not) - so my dentist is always thrilled to see me.  This game was a grind: Wade was terrible, Rose was terrible, and Mike Miller and Ronnie Brewer, of all people, made big shots.  It's the playoffs, though, so there's only winning and misery - there's no style points, and tonight there was winning, thankfully.  Let's Go!

2) Bulls point guard Derrick Rose is a physical marvel, and he is basically unguardable in transition, and I absolutely agreed with him winning the MVP this year.  He was the best player on the best team in basketball all year long - that's how "we" "do" the MVP.  But to suggest that he is a better player than LeBron James is kind of dopey.  LeBron finishes plays more efficiently.  He is a better rebounder.  He is a better passer.  Most glaringly, LeBron can guard Derrick Rose; but Derrick Rose can't guard LeBron.  At the end of each game Miami has played against Chicago this year, in the last 5 minutes of the game, LeBron checks Derrick Rose defensively, with as much effectiveness as anyone can hope to have against such a great athlete.  Tonight, Rose had two chances to win the game in regulation, and both times tried to go one-on-one with LeBron.  The first shot, a step-back 18 footer with a strong LeBron contest was close, but bounced out.  The second one, trying to pull up going right off the dribble with LeBron all over him, was a two-and-a-half-feet-short airball, which sent the game to overtime.  Meanwhile, on the other end, the Bulls find the weakest Heat offensive player on the floor, and try putting Rose on him so that he doesn't have to guard LeBron or Wade.  Tonight Rose guarded Mike Miller much of the fourth quarter - in a related story, the thumbless Miller somehow willed in three jump shots and a runner in the final period, for 9 huge points.  This isn't even a knock on Rose - he's a terrific player - he just can't guard (at least yet) like LeBron, or even Wade.  Part of it is because he's smaller than those guys.  But guess what?  That's part of basketball...

3) Miami got down 11 in the first quarter, and the only player who seemed to show up at all was LeBron - his 12 first quarter points were the only things that kept the game from getting completely out of hand early.  He finished with 35.  In that first quarter, and all night long, balls seemed to bounce poorly for the Heat.  Loose balls on the Bulls offensive end caromed directly to open shooters; loose balls on Miami's offensive end caromed into the backcourt, where the Bulls ran it down and dunked.  Every time Miami got the game back close to even, a bounce, a squirt, or a trickle seemed to go the Bulls way, and keep them in the lead.  Until finally- finally - with a minute to go in overtime, and Miami up four on a couple of ridiculously tough LeBron James baskets, Derrick Rose drove middle, lost control of the ball on his own, and watched it squirt directly to Dwyane Wade, who scooped it up without hesitation and beat Rose and the virulently homophobic Joakim Noah down the court for a layup to ice the game.  Dwyane was terrible all four quarters of regulation, shooting only 5-16 with 4 free throws, and was, against all odds, outplayed by Mike Miller!  He did look glassy-eyed after the game, causing some to speculate if he was having his periodic migraine troubles.  Still, besides the steal and hoop, he also blocked 3 shots in overtime, and had one huge rebound in traffic.  He has not been great in this series, so Miami has been lucky to survive - they'll need a better effort from him to try to close this gritty Bulls team out.

4) Look, everyone has heard that Joakim Noah leaned into the crowd and called someone a "f-ing f--got" during Game 3.  I mean, we didn't just hear it - we saw it on the tv!  Especially in Casa Minutos, where the tape got rewound several dozen times: "He didn't just say what I think he did, did he?"  That cost him $50,000.  I don't condone the fine, really - if Joakim Noah wants to say that word, that's okay, I could care less.  Not sure how much his homophobia is going to hamper the gay rights movement in America.  But when LeBron drove left with just over a minute to go in overtime, absorbed a bodycheck from Noah which didn't get called a foul in a play reminiscent of a game ending play during the regular season when LeBron missed, but this time LeBron powered the ball up and in for an absolutely huge basket and a four point lead, and then strutted down the court shaking his head and saying over and over "I don't want the foul" - just know that entire play was for gay people everywhere.  Everybody can hate LeBron all they want - but you gay people better love him now.  And lesbians, too - I didn't just mean gay males, by the way...Man, am I ever tired.  What did I just write?

5) Play of the game: probably after the aforementioned Wade steal and layup to seal the victory, when the Bulls called timeout.  Wade ran to the bench and was met by a leaping side-hip bump from Chris Bosh; then got one from Mike Miller; then got one from a laughing Mario Chalmers!  Then, whoops - here came Eddie House hurtling for his own flying bump, only Dwyane wasn't ready for it, and Eddie House careened into him like a free safety hitting a tight end on a crossing pattern.  Wham!  Dwyane was already having a bad night!

6) Everyone knows I love the city of Miami.  And, speaking of gay issues, everyone knows I love Paul Walker, from the Fast and Furious movies.  So imagine my utter shock and, more importantly, delight, when I was in downtown Miami this morning, at a museum on NW 2nd Ave, took a short walk with M.Minutos down the street to scope out a cool place to get empanadas, and saw a little urban-landscaped park named PAUL WALKER PARK!!!  ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?  THIS IS LIKE WHEN REESE'S DISCOVERED THAT PEANUT BUTTER AND CHOCOLATE ARE FUCKING DELICIOUS TOGETHER!!! PAUL WALKER PARK - IN MY FAVORITE CITY!!!  JESUS MOTHER OF CHRIST!!!  GOODNIGHT!!!

Back Thursday night for Game 5 in Chicago.  That will be a tough one, trying to close out the best team in the league on the road.  Some people are always, like, "Oh, I'm looking forward to the challenge."  Not me, I never look forward to any challenge, I like things to be easy; if I had my way, the Bulls would just quit, not present a challenge.  So I don't expect to enjoy that game at all, because the Bulls will claw tooth and nail...Until then, I'll be- seriously, do I have to tell you where I will be?  PAUL WALKER PARK!!!

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Heat 96 Bulls 85 Heat lead series 2-1

6 Thoughts

1) Welcome to late Sunday night, aka, "The End of the Best Weekend in the Minutos Household in the Last Half Dozen Years."  On Saturday morning, our Under 10 soccer team scored our first goal seemingly since the Bush administration - O.Minutos scored it to tie the game at 1 midway through the second half.  Yes, we lost on a disputed PK in the waning moments, but for a team that scores as easily as Joel Anthony, the goal itself was reward enough.  The Minutos men spent Saturday evening at the beach having a picnic and swimming in the ocean as the sun set - nothing like that to make you feel good.  Late Saturday night, I saw, easily, the greatest movie of all-time.  More on that down in #6.  Sunday morning brought the annual O. and P. Minutos birthday gala at Big Park.  Then Sunday afternoon saw O.Minutos make two free throws with five seconds to go to clinch a championship for his basketball team.  He was the best player on the best team this year - a dad told me after the game that O.Minutos is his favorite basketball player.  Not in this league.  Ever!  Okay - there's one dad who is taking it a little too seriously!  Finally, the Heat capped the weekend with a wire-to-wire solid performance to beat Chicago for the second straight game and edge ahead in the series.  Unlikely heroes in this one for both teams.  Let Us Go!

2) You could make the case that the three best perimeter players in the league are in this series in Wade, LeBron, and Derrick Rose.  So who were the dominant players in Game 3?  Of course: Chris Bosh and Carlos Boozer!  Chris Bosh - it was just one of those nights.  After fumbling the ball and missing a couple of shots early, he got it going.  All of it.  Jumper from the elbow.  Okey dokes for free throws.  Drives and finishes.  Drives, spin moves, and slam dunk finishes.  Drive, look away to the wing to pass, get caught up in the air, and throw in a 9 foot running scoop shot!  34 for Chris on 13-18.  Don't look now, but he's got 74 points in three games in this series.  Also, blocked a shot, had two to four girlish roars to the crowd, and for good measure defensively okey doked Joakim Noah into shooting the ball clear over the backboard from 3 feet away when Noah drove, and turned his body to the rim, expecting Bosh to come contest the play and foul him - because, you know, that's often what big guys do! Unfortunately for Noah, Chris was utilizing his "Statue Defense," where he contests plays around the rim by raising both arms straight into the air, closing his eyes, and not breathing until he hears a whistle.  Noah got hung in the air, backwards, and just hurled the ball into the crowd...For his part, Carlos Boozer matched Bosh basket-for-basket for three and a half quarters, making midrange jumpers, and bludgeoning his way to the rim.  26 points and 17 rebounds for Booze!  I recommend that both the Bosh and the Boozer families mark this game "Save Until I Delete" on their dvrs - I wouldn't expect this to happen too often.

3) LeBron was great.  He was aggressive offensively, but in a way that created shots for others.  He found gaps in the defense, drove authoritatively, drew defenders, and found the open shooters.  By any measure, Chicago is the best defense in the NBA right now: tonight Miami shot 34-67, 50.7% from the floor, largely because LeBron made plays all night.  Sometimes LeBron can be passive and still score a quiet 28.  But tonight scored a loud 22 points, and added 10 impactful assists.  His steal-and-runout, bulldozing-layup over Kyle Korver, and the foul, with five minutes to go, pretty much ended the game.  LeBron has had flashier nights in a Heat uniform; but tonight he was deep.

4) How hard did Miami play?  Midway through the fourth quarter, Dwyane Wade slid over in front of a Derrick Rose drive and, intentionally, drew an offensive foul.  That's about three charges drawn in eight years for Dwyane.  When Dwyane tries to draw charges, you know shit is getting serious...

5) Lot of guys in this series who are master arguers.  Dwyane Wade, of course, argues that he got fouled every single time he goes to the basket whether he scores or not, as well as on thirty percent of the possessions when he never goes the basket at all.  Also, ten percent of possessions when he isn't even in the game.  He's probably arguing about a call he feels he didn't get right now, and the game's been over for an hour and a half, and the Heat won!  Bulls star Derrick Rose, similarly, contests every single call that does not go his way all night long.  He is less verbal than Dwyane when he thinks he got fouled on a drive - Dwyane loves to talk to the refs about it - Rose just stares the ref down, waits till he makes eye contact, then shakes his head disgustedly.  Carlos Boozer loves to argue.  Mario Chalmers' arguing is so bizarre that it isn't really offensive - he'll gyroscope around the court on a defensive possession, and end it by slamming into a guy releasing a 22 foot jumper, sending them both sprawling into the crowd, then get up and plead with the ref.  But the king of the bizarre argument, at least in this series, is Bulls guard Kyle Korver.  First of all, okay, he's at a defensive disadvantage athletically.  He does not have quick feet, and has trouble staying in front of people off the dribble.  Thus, generally, when someone starts to drive on him - and guys look to drive on him - he reacts by placing a forearm on the guy's hip, and shoving him.  This gets called a foul approximately every time he does it, from what I can tell.  Yet, somehow, in the face of an overwhelming sample size of data showing that every time he does that, the whistle blows and the ref calls a foul on him - he never, ever, thinks it is a foul.  To be fair, he's not overly aggressive about the arguing, it's generally a mild protest in which he demonstrates sliding his feet with his hands in the air in a pantomime of what he should have done, but the consistency of his inability to recognize when he has fouled is impressive.  It isn't annoying, I don't mind him doing it - I'm pro-Kyle Korver, in general.  Actually, I enjoy when he does it!  Gives me something to look forward to...

6) Okay, Saturday night, late (for me - 11pm!), went out to see Fast and Furious Five.  Obviously, it's the best movie I've seen this year, or any year.  Why?  Because Vin Diesel is funnier than ever; The Rock is so jacked up, he looks like the one guy who maybe even has a slight chance to bring Vin Diesel to justice; and Paul Walker and, I suppose, Jordana Brewster, have never been sexier.  There's not too much about this movie I can say that hasn't already been said - if you haven't seen it, you're a 'tard, because it is the best movie of all-time.  But you know what isn't the best movie of all-time?  Thor.  I have a friend whose actual name is Thor.  He is supercool; he is a genuinely decent person; he's from a foreign land; he loves good music and is one half of the "Old Guys at the Cool Concert" clique; he is spontaneous; and he loves Thai stick, and long walks on the beach.  This Thor character in the movie seems like an overconfident putz, frankly.  Hey, dude with the flowing blond locks: nobody knows who you are!  What are you?  You're not like Superman, or Aquaman - guys with definitive identities.  Nobody cares, dude.  You think you are cool because you have flowing blond locks?  Really?  You don't think Paul Walker could grow flowing blond locks if he wanted to?  Believe me, he could.  He just doesn't need to, because he's way sexier than you will ever be.  Step off, dude.  I'm sticking with the original Thor, who, by the way, could also grow flowing blond locks if he needed to (aside to Thor - I probably wouldn't try that, though)...

After a month between Game 2 and Game 3, we are switching to an every other day schedule starting Tuesday until this series is decided one way or another.  Until then, if you need me, I'll be out running quarter miles in my Prius.  I usually like to run out on 441, between Lantana and 10th Avenue, so if you're looking for a race, meet me there.  You have to agree not to exceed the speed limit, though - I can't afford any more points my license...See you Tuesday!

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Heat 85 Bulls 75 Series tied 1-1

6 Thoughts

1) I'm not gonna lie: when the Boston Celtics died in round two, a little part of me died with them.  That series had nothing to do with basketball - it was personal.  Boston spent all season dismissing Miami's chances against them in a series, which served to drive both teams - and me - into an emotional frenzy for the five short games it lasted.  When the Heat played the Bulls in game one on Sunday, I definitely had a feeling of, "Why are we still playing?  This isn't over yet?"  It seemed totally unimportant to me if Miami won or lost the series.  Yes, I'd prefer to win the championship, but I was also relishing the end of the season.  The NBA season is looooong - at a certain point, enough is enough.  I've spent the last week on a total media blackout - I didn't want to read or hear people prattling on about basketball anymore this year.  We get it - Miami smoked Boston - it's just a basketball series, really, it isn't the end of civilization, People-From-Boston.  Heading into tonight's game, I was ready for it to end, in a way, ready to let the Bulls run roughshod over Miami, take a sweep, end this stupid blog, and get on with the summer.  It's probably the Jewish side of my heritage - people been trying to run roughshod over us for thousands of years, with a good amount of success, frankly.  Really, there was one, and only one, scenario that could have drawn me back in to this series.  We need to get to that immediately, like in # 2...Lomir Geyn!!!

2) UDONIS HASLEM.  UDONISHASLEM. U-DONIS HAS-LEM!!!  Are you freakin' kidding me?  After six months on the shelf, with only 7 rusty minutes of playoff action so far under his belt, Udonis Haslem got thrown into this game out of necessity - foul trouble, rebounding trouble, acquiring loose ball trouble, toughness trouble - late in the third quarter, and single-handedly triggered a 10-0 Heat run that gave them a 6 point lead after three quarters, and allowed them to hang around and pull the game out at the end.  UD started the run with a run-out, posterization, one-handed flush over Keith Bogans for a three point play; followed by a LeBron run-out finish on Derrick Rose's head for a 3 point play; followed by a Wade run-out, Euro-step hoop on Rose; followed by a Haslem run-out dunk on Rose.  In the final four minutes of the quarter, UD was 4-4 from the floor, and finished with 13 points and 5 boards in 23 totally unexpected minutes.  With Wade and LeBron having to do virtually everything, with occasional casual-ish assistance from Bosh, adding a reasonably healthy UD just gives Miami one more guy in the fight.  It's why it is so frustrating when people - like TNT announcer Steve Kerr tonight - claim that Miami spent so much on Wade, LeBron, and Bosh that they have no depth.  That's wrong - they have no depth because UD and Mike Miller (who gutted out 7 rebounds in 18 thumbless minutes of his own tonight) haven't played all season.  Before tonight, UD and Miller had never played together in a game.  Most importantly, UD is my favorite basketball player of all-time.  And he pulled me back in the fight.  If we have to go down, at least we're going down with UD.  I'm still maintaining my media blackout, but I'm ready to go.  And that's super-important since, obviously, the whole team gets their emotional cues from me.  Love you, UD!!!

3) UD kept Miami in the game.  But down the stretch, again, LeBron won the game.  Tied at 73 with four minutes to go, LeBron went: triple off a Bibby screen; short post-up jumper; putback of his own driving layup, the kind where everyone bounces off him, and he is alone at the rim to gather his own rebound and lay it back in politely; step back jumper, and guarded Derrick Rose on the defensive end, as Miami closed on a 12-2 run to end it.  LeBron (29 points on 21 shots) and Wade (24 on 16) were more aggressive and efficient offensively than they were in game one.  But they also did more.  One game after getting absolutely annihilated on the glass, LeBron grabbed 10 boards, Dwyane had 9, and Miami won the rebounding battle by 4.  LeBron also had 3 steals, including a key rip of Deng in the closing run, and Wade had 2 rejections, including a key block of a Rose triple in the same run.  Every time Miami has struggled this season, the response has been to ask Dwyane and LeBron for more.  Tonight, at least for one more game, they had it... 

4) Listen, any game in which you are playing the best team in the league, on the road, in a playoff game, against the reigning MVP, after getting blown out in game one, and you're clinging to a 3 point lead with three minutes to go, and the fans are at a fever pitch, and you miss a shot, and Chicago gets a run-out with the 6'8" Luol Deng, who is an excellent finisher, bearing down in a one-on-one situation with the 6'2" Mike Bibby, who may be the least athletic person -including front office employees and announcers - in professional sports, and who has spent his entire 35 minutes on the court, which he had to play because Mario Chalmers performed tonight like a methadone patient, getting run into screens and getting knocked down, and setting screens and getting knocked down, causing his headband to be dislodged from his person several times, and is basically a punch-drunk aging fighter just trying to stay on his feet to the bell by this juncture of the game, and then Deng elevates, and Bibby - sort of - elevates, and blocks Deng's shot, and then LeBron instantly scores on the other end to give Miami a five point lead and put them in firm control of the game, I think to myself: "Mike Bibby - I am the only one who truly believed in you.  Not only that - I believed in you more than any human being has ever believed in any other human being, and I now dub thee 'The Modern Day Shaka Zulu...'"

5) Listen: I see you over there on the bench, Kurt Thomas, telling Joakim Noah, and Carlos Boozer, and Derrick Rose, and Taj Gibson, and the like, about "I hate what they did to me."  All we did was trade you, to try to make our team better - A DECADE AND A HALF AGO!  Dudes get traded all the time - why did you have to be the one guy who, years later, before a Heat-Knick playoff series when you were on the Knicks, claim, "I want to beat them because I hate what they did to me."  You started a whole phenomenon: The "I Hate What They Did To Me" Game, where a player comes back with an irrational hatred to try to bury his old team.  Just because you aren't playing in these games, Kurt Thomas, don't think I don't see the smirk on your face every time we miss a shot, or turn the ball over, or commit a foul.  I see it.  And, by the way - you're not in my head at all.  Do you hear me?  NOT AT ALL!

6) Movie pitch: Contact II.  As you know Contact I, or as it is more commonly referred to as, Contact, ended with Jodie Foster sort of going into an alternate space and time in her mind, through a wrinkle in our continuum reality called a black hole, to meet her dad, who is that tall, creepy guy David Morse.  In Contact II, Morse comes back through the black hole to snatch Foster back into the alternate reality to hold her captive - it turns out he isn't actually her dad at all, just an alien posing as her dad.  Matthew McConaughey isn't in this one, he's replaced by Hugh Jackman, who talks in that weird accent he sometimes has and says things like, "Egad - I fear we've lost her forevah."  Anyways, everyone else thinks that Jodie Foster has just moved to, like, the beach in Belize, or Tahoe, or something, but Jackman can sense that she actually got kidnapped by aliens posing as her dad, and he vows to find her.  He re-creates that giant space machine, and tries to duplicate her experience, including the "Okay to go" line, which nearly got me arrested in Puerto Rico this winter when I tried to call Thor from the site where they filmed that scene to say the line to him, despite military everywhere and giant signs reading, essentially, "WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T EVEN CONSIDER USING YOUR CELL PHONE."  Anyways, Jackman drops in the water, just like Jodie Foster did, and doesn't go anywhere, but then he realizes that time and space is just a construct of the human mind, so he wills himself into the alternate reality where Jodie Foster is being held captive, and fucking saves her after a major battle, mano-a-mano style, with David Morse.  The end.

We are off until Sunday, when the series moves back to Miami for game 3.  If you need me before then, I'll be working on the Contact II script, and smoking hash.  See you on Sunday!

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Bulls 103 Heat 82 Bulls lead series 1-0

6 Thoughts

1)  First game in the Eastern Conference Finals, Heat vs. Bulls in Chicago!  Annnnnnd, Miami got killed!  That did not go well at all!  Where is Boston?  Wasn't there one more game to play against Boston?  Damn...Well, I don't wanna, but I'm going to do it for you - Let's Go!

2)  I know we don't always have a choice about these things in life, but me, personally, I liked it better when Chris Bosh was playing terribly, and the team was winning.  Tonight, Chris Bosh was great: 30 points and 9 rebounds against the best defensive frontcourt in the league.  But he got little help.  LeBron had an off night: 15, 6, and 6, on 15 shots, and Dwyane was equally inert: 18, 3, and 3.  No one else, literally, did anything.  This is a problem against Chicago - there's a reason they were the best team in basketball all season long.  They are deep, they are athletic, they play hard, and if LeBron and Dwyane don't play great, Miami isn't going to have a chance.  As M.Minutos pointed out after the game, "If Dwyane and LeBron don't play well, and we have to rely on Chris Bosh, then aren't we just the Raptors?"  Yes - yes, we are: thanks for making me feel even worse!

3)  Okay, so it's one thing to get annihilated in a playoff game - it's just one loss, it counts the same as a losing a game by one on a buzzer-beater.  But tonight's game was won by Chicago in an area that Miami can't necessarily fix: rebounding.  Against most teams - against Boston in the last round, for example - Miami is bigger, more physical, and more athletic.  That's simply not the case against Chicago.  Joakim Noah had 8 - eight - offensive rebounds, out of Chicago's total of nineteen.  That's wayyy too many.  Like, wayyy, wayyy too many - you can't win a basketball game giving up 19 offensive rebounds.  Chicago also made 10-21 triples, many of them coming on kickouts after winning 50-50 balls.  It's not just Noah, it's also Boozer's strength, Luol Deng's length, and then Taj Gibson off the bench.  Miami can't match up with that, especially with Udonis Haslem and Mike Miller not healthy, and only available for spot duty.  Dwyane and LeBron are going to have to help more, but as we've pointed out all year long, UD and Miller's injuries have placed such a burden on those two - they not only have to create all the offensive plays, and guard the other team's best scorers, which other superstars are not required to do, but they also have to rebound, defend the rim, and win loose balls.  It's a lot - the better the competition gets, the harder it is for those two to do everything.

4)  Still, I was feeling relatively loose all night.  It's great to be in the final four - you're in position to win the championship.  You will either win it, or you won't - but at least you could.  And after Connecticut won the college basketball tournament last month - especially defeating Satan en route to the title - I feel like I'm playing with house money.  I really, really didn't want to lose to Boston - they're old, they're creaky, and Miami is better than they are - you at least want to get eliminated by someone better than you.  Miami really needs to get one of these first two in Chicago to have a great chance to move on - it didn't have to be tonight, and I was feeling relaxed about it.  When LeBron James nailed an early jumper, and a Heat fan who had scored front row seats in Chicago leapt to his feet to celebrate, I felt even better: "I think that's former Elizabeth Taylor husband Larry Fortensky," I pointed out to M.Minutos excitedly.  "RIP," lamented M.Minutos.  "Larry Fortensky died?"  "No - Elizabeth Taylor."  "Oh, whew - thank God..."  We might have gotten hammered tonight, but Larry Fortensky yet lives!!!

5)  As we often point out, after you get past the first round of the playoffs, it is absolutely brutal to watch unless you turn the sound off, because you get announcers who have seen your team play much less often than you have, and know far less about them than you do.  In the first quarter, after a severely blown defensive assignment by Chicago led to a Mike Bibby layup, the always unconscious Reggie Miller warned the national audience that "Bibby is a dangerous shooter and scorer."  Dangerous to who?  I mean, dangerous to whom?  Apparently, Reggie hasn't seen Bibbs play since Reggie retired in 2005.  Actually, not sure 2005 is going to do it, to be honest with you, not sure that's far back enough...Then in the second half, with Miami playing out the blowout, Coach Spo inserted Udonis Haslem just to get him a little run, just to see if he can get his legs under him after six months on the shelf.  Steve Kerr inaccurately pointed out that UD has missed six months with a wrist injury - play by play announcer Marv Albert quickly corrected Kerr, and told him that Udonis had undergone knee surgery, all of which would probably be news to Udonis, who missed all the time with a broken foot.  Reggie Miller pointed out that, "whatever the injury was, Chicago better watch out, because Haslem is a dangerous shooter and scorer."  Or something like that.

6) Movie Review: Blue Valentine.  I have been dying to see this movie, and I would have seen it in the theater if I had any motivation to ever leave my house whatsoever.  Instead, I watched it late, late Friday night by myself after getting it on Netflix.  Spoiler alert: It stars Ryan Gosling, who, of course, is freaking awesome in The Notebook, and every other project he has ever been involved in.  Oddly, in this film, he plays the role as if he is channeling Giovanni Ribisi, to the point that at some juncture, I forgot it was Ryan Gosling, and just assumed it was Giovanni Ribisi.  He's great, but he's no Ryan Gosling, for sure...The positives: the soundtrack, by Grizzly Bear, is unbelievably good, all atmospheric and perfect; the movie is shot perfectly, it's about a crumbling relationship, and there all almost no wide shots, you are always right on top of the actors - so just as they feel suffocated, you feel suffocated; the colors are awesome - it looks depressing; in the flashback scenes, Ryan Gosling at least looks like Ryan Gosling, even if he sounds like Giovanni Ribisi; Michelle Williams is awesome, reprising her role from Brokeback Mountain - wait, what?  It's a different character?  Oh, well, she's still good at it; Rawls from "The Wire" is in it.  Negatives: needed more Gosling, less Ribisi - dude, you're Ryan fucking Gosling!; the pacing is fine - nothing happens, which is perfect for me, since it's about all that I can follow - but something is wrong with the plot - we get it, they aren't feeling each other, but we don't really get why they aren't feeling each other; when the Michelle Williams character points out that Ryan Gosling starts drinking each morning before going to his job as a housepainter, it's almost as if the filmmaker is portraying this type of devil-may-care attitude as a negative! - that's crazy!...In any case, it wasn't quite as good as I thought it was going to be, but it was pretty well done, and I enjoyed it.  Definitely worth seeing.  Coming up soon, my boy Terrence Malick with a film called Tree of Life, starring Brad Pitt, currently # 1 on my must-see list, although I am somewhat hampered by the fact that I don't know when it's coming out....

Game Two is Wednesday, again in Chicago.  Miami needs to win, or it could be a short, short trip to the conference finals.  If you need me before then, I'll be on the back porch, having a beer before work.  Cheers!!!

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Heat 97 Celtics 87 Heat win series 4-1

6 Thoughts

1) Goodbye, Paul Pierce.  We'll miss your squinty-eyed looks at the scoreboard, referees, and opposing players, and also your okey-dokes.  You mocked LeBron after an early season win in Miami with an "I have enjoyed bringing my talents" tweet (props - it was funny), and tonight you got closed out when LeBron hit two triples in your mug in the game's final minute.  That has to hurt.  Still, I have always enjoyed your work - it gives me no pleasure to see you in pain...Goodbye, Shaq.  We really missed you tonight - we needed that four minute stretch where you commit 3 fouls, allow two layups, and turn it over twice.  We will not miss having to watch your belly spill over the sides of your shorts, and, to be honest, I don't think your uniform top will ever snap back into shape...Goodbye, Rajon Rondo.  I can see Paul Pierce has taught you how to fake an injury well.  Your over- and melodramatic holding of your arm at its side as though as you had a broken elbow was the best acting job since Paul Pierce went off the court in a wheelchair in the Finals three years ago, and came back to win the game in the second half.  Or maybe your elbow is broken - if that's the case, I apologize in advance...Goodbye, Jermaino.  Everyone hates you (including Celtics fans), but I still love you anyways.  Good thing your contract is guaranteed for next year!..Goodbye, Baby Davis.  All year long I anticipated you ending the Heat's season by ripping an offensive rebound out of Chris Bosh's hands and laying it back in the basket at the most crucial of moments.  I will miss your earnest pie face, and your atrocious play that helped Miami all series long...Goodbye, Kevin Garnett.  You are actually the only member of the Celtics that I dislike.  You are the progenitor of the Celtics vaunted "Doucheball" style of play.  However, you didn't grab anyone's nuts during the series, and while you did throw a couple of elbows at the likes of James Jones and Mario Chalmers - Miami's "toughest" guys - you were fairly benign, and almost played Chris Bosh to a draw over the five games...And goodbye, Ray Allen.  You were great tonight, you are my third favorite basketball player of all-time, and it is a shame that you have had your greatest team successes soiled by Garnett's asshole-itude.  You are welcome to come down here next season and finish out your career in Miami.  I love you, boy...Finally, goodbye, Boston Celtics.  Your season started by beating us in Boston, and ended by losing to us in Miami: Have fun rebuilding around Jeff Green!  HEAT CLOSEOUT IN FIVE, AND IT WAS LEBRON WHO WON THE GAME!  LET'S GO, BOY, LET'S GO!!!  

2) Holy Christ, LeBron James.  Holy fuckin Christ!  With the game tied and two minutes to go, he went: triple off the dribble to put Miami up 3; triple off the catch-and-hold from the left wing with Pierce draped all over him to put Miami up 6; and then, after a timeout, shoot the passing lane for a steal and dunk on the other end to choke off Boston's last chance.  Miami's played 92 games so far this season - every game, at some point, I have either thought, or said, "Hey, you ineffectual weirdo - can you please try to assert yourself?"  I guess he was saving it.  And, yes, I definitely motivated him.

3) Again, it was really just LeBron and Dwyane.  Dwyane kept Miami in it for 3 quarters, and finished with 34 points on 19 shots, although he missed 7 free throws.  He also had 10 rebounds, 5 assists, and 4 steals.  LeBron had 33, including the last 10, with 7 rebounds and 4 assists.  He also made the biggest pass of the game, a cross-court, hit-ahead in transition to James Jones for an open triple with about three minutes to go to cut Boston's lead to 2.  Bosh sprinkled in a passive 14 points and 11 rebounds, though, to his credit, he tied the game under three minutes to go with an okey-doke-drive-and-dunk past Garnett, and had several good contests and defensive rebounds in the final moments.  For Dwyane and LeBron, who have had to hear all year long that they can't play together, can't play in the clutch, can't figure out who should shoot the ball - that, basically, they aren't the Celtics - it had to be a satisfying series.  It doesn't prove they are the best team - Boston was missing a healthy Rondo, which is probably worse than missing UD and Miller - but it proves it works.  At least to me.  If this team did have a healthy UD and a healthy Mike Miller, they would be a major problem for anyone to play.  Pat Riley was right; everyone else was wrong.  Next up: probably Chicago.  Should be fun.

4) Words I never thought I would say at any point in my life: "Jesus - Joel Anthony getting in foul trouble is going to kill us in this playoff game."  And it did.  For some reason, Spo decided it would be a good idea to experiment with playing Juwan Howard major minutes in Joel's absence.  Annnnnd, he was horrific!!!  Get well quick, UD!

5) People are going to ask me when this series turned.  Was it when Miami came out and pasted Boston in the first two games?  Was it Dwyane Wade's relentless attacking?  Was it when LeBron James made the triples tonight?  No.  It was in the waning moments of regulation in crucial game four in Boston, when an offensive rebound bounced on the ground right next to Chris Bosh...and he watched Kevin Garnett bend over and pick it up without making any effort to get it whatsoever.  "You are a fucking asshole," blurted M.Minutos.  M.Minutos is a saint - she swears maybe once a year.  That's when I knew this series was big.  Probably more importantly, that's when Chris Bosh knew it, and the whole team knew it!  And they never looked back!  Sometimes you have to get tough with these kids!

6) "Call me when LeBron has six championships."  "That's your only argument?"  "THAT'S THE ONLY ARGUMENT I NEED, SHAWN!!!"

Conference finals begin Sunday or Wednesday against Chicago, depending on when Chicago closes Atlanta.  Probably Sunday, frankly.  If you need me before then, I'll be looking for Kevin Garnett, because he totally disappeared in the second half tonight!!!  Good night, people!

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Heat 98 Celtics 90 ot Heat lead 3-1

6 Thoughts

1) Chris Boshhhhh!!!  I ALWAYS LOVED YOU!!!  NO ONE EVER BELIEVED IN ANYONE THE WAY I BELIEVE IN YOU!!!  YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN A BETTER CHOICE FOR OUR FIRST BLACK PRESIDENT THAN OBAMA!!!  Miami guts one out in Boston, in overtime, and now leads 3-1!  Start the bus, gas up the plane, get out of town - LETTTTSSSS GOOOOOOO!!!

2) One game after the most ineffectual performance of his, or anyone else's, career, Chris Bosh - sort of - bounced back.  I wouldn't say he was exactly effectual tonight - let's say he was semi-fectual.  In any case, he had 20 points on 8-17, with 12 rebounds, while holding Kevin Garnett to a 1-10.  Ouch.  Most important of all, with Miami clinging to a 3 point lead and the seconds winding down in overtime, LeBron James missed a clearout jumper from the top of the key, giving Boston one last chance to come down stay in the game...except, out of nowhere, pranced Chris Bosh to reach up and daintily tip the ball back up over the rim!  I don't want to point out that a lot of 6'11" guys might have dunked that ball.  Whatever - it's still ballgame!  Goodness gracious...

3) He was not always efficient.  He did not always make good decisions.  He lost the ball on a late possession that could have won the game.  But with Miami down 3 with two minutes to go, after letting a 3 point lead slip away on back-to-back triples by Boston, Boston crowd going bananas, LeBron James caught the ball deep in the corner, stagnated the offense by holding it for approximately nine seconds, then fell away with a guy hanging all over him and dropped a three to tie the game.  He was a man: 35 points and 14 rebounds.  He drew an insanely huge charge on Paul Pierce in overtime.  He got a great contest causing Pierce into a bad shot with a chance to win it at the regulation buzzer.  He tracked down approximately every defensive rebound over the last quarter and overtime.  That's how you win a playoff game on the road: you grind, and grind, and grind, and grind - that's not always LeBron's forte.  But tonight he ground.

4) Dwyane Wade ground, too, and had 28 points and 9 rebounds.  Wade and LeBron won the game.  Boston has their Big Four, and Baby Davis, and the irrepressible Jermaino, et al, but for Miami, it was really only Dwyane and LeBron, with a sprinkling of Bosh.  The three of them scored 83 of the 98 points, and grabbed 35 of the 45 rebounds.  No one else scored more than 4!  No one else had more than 4 rebounds!  Dwyane and LeBron - truly, as many times as we have said it in this blog, it never applied more than tonight - they were doin' it all!  In fact, they were the only ones doing anything!

5) Well, old Shaq was back again tonight.  We didn't talk about his mostly disastrous Game 3 performance - he bounced back tonight and was even worse in Game 4.  He played four minutes, and didn't have a statistic besides two fouls leading to four Miami points.  In fairness, his boxscore would have been even more impressive if they kept a stat of "Number of times you stand there and watch someone drive to the rim and lay the ball in the basket."  Most importantly of all, in Game 3, there was a small Asian man assigned to massage Shaq's inner thigh any time Shaq was not in the game, which was most of it, frankly.  Great gig!  Anyways - surprise! - that guy didn't show for work tonight, and was replaced by a small white man.  Again - great gig!  "Hi, ladies?  What?  Oh - I work for a little team called the Celtics!"...Also back: MR UDONIS HASLEM!!! For the first time since November, UD was available to play!  He started the second quarter!  Annnnnnd, he was atrocious!  Immediately caught a ball and launched an 18 foot scud missile off the backboard.  Then committed an offensive foul, then a delay of game warning, then another foul on a rebound, and then a technical foul when he told the ref, twice, "The ball was over his head."  Seemed like an odd technical.  But guess what: we're 1-0 with UD back!  Love you, boy!!!

6) Piers Morgan is the bomb.  He fucking got it out of Rob Lowe like no one I've ever seen last week.  Who is he again?

Chance to closeout on Wednesday night in Miami.  We'll see how that goes.  Until then, does anyone know how to use Craig's List?  I want to post an ad for a dude to massage my inner thigh while I'm watching the game.  See you then!

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Celtics 97 Heat 81 Heat lead series 2-1

6 Thoughts

1)  Well, at least we know the matchups now: Dwyane Wade and LeBron James against...Erik Spoelstra and Chis Bosh?  Ahhhh, that one was a killer loss - the Celtics were ready to go away.  Not only that, I'm watching this series live action instead of on dvr - who knew a playoff game takes 4 and a half hours to play?  Let's go - but quickly, 'cuz I need to be fresh as a daisy for Mother's Day tomorrow!  Come on!

2) Full disclosure: I'm writing this while watching "Mean Girls," which may be gay, but I'm only watching it because the I don't get the station that "Red Dawn" is showing on now...Okay, the Heat have played eight playoff games in this postseason so far.  Eight times they have started Zydrunas Ilgauskas at center and Mike Bibby at point guard.  Seven times they have been down digits inside of six minutes to start the game.  Repeatedly, fans have pointed this out, the media has pointed this out, even the players have pointed this out - but when asked about it, Coach Spo generally says something along the lines of "We need to figure it out."  Spo, great news: I figured it out!  It doesn't work!  It's a bad lineup!  CHANGE IT!  Again tonight, down 9 points before the first time out.  There are a million basketball-y type reasons why it doesn't work, but the essence of it is this: either you play 3 against 5 on offense, or Z and Bibs have to shoot the ball.  Tonight they shot the ball, and combined for a 1-7.  That's dreadful.  And the "1" was an impossible Z turnaround, fallaway prayer!

3) Ohhh, Rachel McAdams just figured out that Lindsay Lohan tricked her about the energy bars!  It's about to go down! ...In any case, Miami got down big - again - subbed in Joel Anthony - again, and took the hell off, pounding the Celtics in the second quarter, and grabbing the halftime lead.  They looked like they had weathered Boston's desperate push, and had re-asserted themselves as the younger, more physical, more aggressive team: 10 points and 7 rebounds for Joel in the half, by the way, along with about 6 strong contests at the rim that led to missed Celtic layups - he was the best player on the court in the first twenty-four minutes.  Myself - I thought the series was over, myself: At halftime, it seemed reasonable that Spo was not going to start the second half with Z and Bibs out there again - after all, he had started Joel in the second half in a couple of playoff games already - and I thought Miami would kill them...Exxxxxcept, he did start Z and Bibs again, and Miami did get down 10 instantly again - within 4 minutes, I believe, and that seemed to pretty much suck the wind out of everybody, and give the Celtics, who at the end of the second quarter had looked like they were ready to start their offseason, life.  Ballgame.  If I were running a professional basketball team, we'd probably run through somewhere between thirty and seventy coaches in a season, with my speciality being the on-court, in-between-quarters firing.  But honestly, Spo's stubborness (word?  stubborninity?) sucked so much spirit out of me tonight, I probably would have let him finish the game, since it was over anyways.  I wouldn't have let him take the team bus back to the hotel, though, and he certainly wouldn't be coaching game 4.  

4) Haaaa! - Tim Meadows is always hilarious!...Chris. Bosh.  (note: for those of you scoring at home, somewhere around the fiftieth game of the season, I started going long "o" on Bosh).  There have been some low, low points in the season for Chris.  We're not even going to joke about it here - just point out that Chris scored 6 points on 1-6 shooting, with 5 rebounds in 30 spastic, flailing minutes, before Spo finally yakked him for good halfway through the fourth quarter.  Meanwhile, his cover, Kevin Garnett, had 28 points and 18 rebounds.  On back-to-back possessions early in the fourth, Chris watched a defensive rebound float quietly by his ear, the Celtics recovered it, and direct-lined a pass to an open Ray Allen for a triple to put them up 16, and then Chris passed up an open 18 footer, tried to swing it to the wing, where it was deflected by Jeff Green, came right back towards Chris, who reached for it, but then had it ripped out of his hands by Rajon Rondo, who ran down and dunked it on the other end with Chris in ineffectual pursuit.  In fact, let's just put it this way: Kevin Garnett was like Mean Girl Rachel McAdams, running roughshod over Chris Bosh's idiotic Lacey Chabert!  Udonis Haslem hasn't played since November, just recently started practicing, probably has no lift, no timing, and still, as M.Minutos pointed out during the meltdown, "He would have to be better than Chris Bosh."  This past week, I heard Udonis on the radio claiming that Dwyane is a much friendlier person than he is, "I hate a lot more people."  I'm pretty sure one of the guys he hates may be Chris Bosh.

5) Commercial for "Hangover II" on now - who thinks the Asian dude is funny?  He was easily the worst part of "Hangover," right?  The only bad part, really.  I was embarrassed for him, his performance was so atrocious, and he ground the movie to a halt whenever he was on the screen.  We all agree he's not funny, right?  How did he make it in to the second one?...Rajon Rondo either hyperextended or dislocated his elbow during a nasty third quarter fall.  The Celtics training staff walked him to the locker room, trailed closely by ABC sideline reporter Lisa Salters, who suddenly got REPELLED by a Boston Garden security guard.  "I said 'NO ONE,'" the guard told Salters as she tried to slide by to get a report on the injury.  The funny part?  That security guard?  Mr. McDevitt!!!!

6) Sorry, sorry, sorry, that was an inside joke that only one or two people got.  But if Spo doesn't care about alienating his own team with his starting lineup, I don't care about alienating my readers with inside jokes.  And I can afford to lose a reader or two because, guess what, the Heat just gained a new fan this week!  Tania writes in to say:

" ...speaking of balling, based on his respect for Jefe, the Heat is now the 3rd team Blake will root for, after the Rockets and Spurs."

Yes!  We are Blake's number three team!  This is a grassroots groundswell!!!  And just in a nick of time for Blake, since his sorry-ass top two teams were eliminated from playoff contention loooongg ago!  (sorry, Blake - more alienation - it's just a joke)


Quick turnaround with a game Monday, followed by games Wednesday and Friday.  You would hope the quicker schedule would help the younger Heat, but you never do know.  Monday is huge - win it, and you still maybe escape the series with minimal trouble.  Lose, and it is a long bloodbath, one way or another...If you need me before then, I'll be writing in my Burn Book.  Later!

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Heat 102 Celtics 91 Heat lead series 2-0

6 Thoughts

1) "Guys - we're down 10 with a couple of minutes to go.  We need a quick hoop.  I want Rondo to penetrate, swing the ball back to the perimeter, and then hit Kevin Garnett on a roll to the rim.  Kevin, you catch the ball on the dead run to the basket, elevate, and try to flush it over a rotating LeBron James...Actually, you know what?  Do this - if he rises when you do, try to pull the ball back over your shoulder and out-hang him, take the contact, and then dunk it for the three point play, okay?  Celtics on three: one, two, three, Celtics!"  UH!!!  OHHHHH!!!!!  LET'S GO!!!

2) This game was a grind.  Pretty much dead even for the first 42 minutes.  Wade got off for 16 in the first half to give Miami a 5 point lead.  The Celtics ground back in to the lead in the third quarter, before a LeBron spurt restored Miami's 5 point lead after 3.  But with 6 minutes to go in the game, Dwyane Wade took Ray Allen off the dribble about 4 possessions in a row, finishing a couple, and finding LeBron for a hoop, and Miami pulled away down the stretch with a 14-0 run.  When Garnett elevated on LeBron to flush, tried to pull the ball back to avoid the blocked shot, and LeBron just out-hungggg him before tomahawking the ball to the ground, it was over.  Ballgame.  Miami held serve, winning both games at home, and now have a chance to make Boston really feeeel it this weekend.  Get one of the next two in Boston, and put them in a big, big hole.

3) Right now the games are breaking well for Miami.  They are slow walk it up grinds, and both offenses struggle to create shots against excellent defenses.  The difference so far has been two things.  One, when Boston turns the ball over, Wade or LeBron - or both - generally turns it in to a quick two at the other end.  Two, in the closing minutes, when plays have to be made off the dribble by stars, Wade and LeBron have made plays.  Paul Pierce and Ray Allen have not.  Wade: 28 points and 8 rebounds.  LeBron: 35 points and 7 rebounds.  That's high, high volume, especially for a slow-paced playoff game with defenses designed to make everything tough for you.  It will be different in Boston, for sure, but as long as those two stay at it, Miami is going to give itself a chance to be in every game.

4) After a 25 point game from Playoff James Jones in game one, the Heat got a goose egg from PJJ in game two.  He's pacing himself.  But, they were able to get contributions from other, more diverse, sources.  Mike Bibby scored 8 points on 2-4 triples, had 4 rebounds, 3 assists, 2 steals, and somehow got credited for 2 blocks, though I can't remember either one of them.  Still, if you're scoring at home, that's 1.5 blocks per game in this series for Mike Bibby.  Mike Miller added a triple, 2 rebounds, got landed on in a loose ball scramble by three hundred pounds of Baby Davis, and drew a charge on Rondo to take away a Boston transition basket in 6 action-filled minutes...But, together, all of that didn't match The Warden's efforts.  He played 35 minutes, scored 6 points, had 5 rebounds, and 3 blocks.  As always, the boxscore doesn't tell the whole story with Joel.  During Miami's decisive fourth quarter surge, Joel forced misses on back-to-back Baby Davis drives, and then, off a missed Wade jumper, jarred an offensive rebound loose in traffic right to LeBron James on the block, who dunked, and got the foul, to give Miami its first 8 point lead with 5 minutes to go.  Joel spent his 35 minutes checking Kevin Garnett, Baby Davis, and Jermaine O'Neal.  Those three finished 12-34 from the floor.  Do you think that is a coincidence?  That is not a coincidence.  Hardest-working man in the MVP business...

5) Plays of the game: 1) The aforementioned LeBron James giant-sized rejection of Kevin Garnett's dunk.  2) Dwyane Wade's transition Euro-step and-one layup, which completely spun Kevin Garnett around backwards.  3) tie: Dwyane Wade's ankle-breaking, crossover, step-back triple which faked Ray Allen to the floor; Joel's pterodactyl-like flight across the lane to block a late game Jermaino dunk try.  And by the way, thus far in the series, the highlights almost all belong to Miami, and that's a big part of Boston's problem: they are getting out-athleticized.  For them to get back in it, they need to execute better - going home should help solve that problem for them somewhat.

6) Television review: Mob Wives.  First of all, I'm not sure that's the actual name of it.  I could look it up, but I'm sure you get the idea.  It's a reality show of mob wives, following their very interesting and rewarding day-to-day lives, which mostly consist of smoking cigarettes, cursing, cursing at their kids, and arguing on the phone with their husbands when they call from prison.  Second of all, as we may have covered in this blog before, I'm not a big mob guy.  I've never seen any of the Godfather movies.  Check it - I saw number three, in the movie theater, but not only was it terrible, but I didn't even know the backstory.  I did see Goodfellas, and I thought it was okay - it was kind of hack-y, but entertaining, I guess.  Scorsese is such a dork with his brutal soundtracks that it tends to ruin his movies for me - "Clapton is so edgy!"  I never saw Scarface - I think those are Spanish people, though, not the Mafia, although I'm not positive if they are the same thing.  So I don't know a lot about what Mafia people are supposed to do.  Still, this show is awesome.  Growing up in Connecticut, I did have one friend, Belly, whose dad was a lawyer for mob interests.  Everyone knew it - there are like 1,000 people, total, in my state, but they were kind of nice, Connecticut mafia guys, and in any case, Belly's dad was just a lawyer - and he had played minor league baseball, and used to come to our practices and throw an awesome curveball.  Not really too threatening.  Anyways, Mob Wives - everything these people do is what I was raised not to do.  Like, the one husband who isn't in jail, just divorced and an absentee dad to his teenage son, is supposed to meet his ex-wife and son somewhere, and he doesn't show, so the wife calls him, and this is how the conversation goes: "You didn't show up, and you let your son down again."  "Well, I was busy."  "Don't give me that shit - you weren't busy, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!  YOU'RE NEVER BUSY, YOU'RE JUST A FUCKING ASSHOLE!!!"  "NO, I'M NOT, YOU'RE A BITCH, YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF TRASH!!!"  And then they start to really argue!  Highlight of the episode I saw: when the supposed, I think, "hot" mob wife (mob people are not attractive, from what I can tell - Pacino, DeNiro, bloated Brando, Pesci - blechhhhh) gets a call from her jailed husband and asks him if he will be home Wednesday, since his parole hearing is Tuesday.  "Ahh, I'm not too sure."  "Whaddya mean you're `not too sure?'"  "Don't worry about it."  "Whaddya mean 'don't worry about it?'"  "It's not your problem - I'll be home when I'm home."  "YOU MOTHERFUCKER!  TELL ME WHEN YOU ARE COMING HOME, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!!!"  "I'M NOT AN ASSHOLE, YOU'RE A BITCH, YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF TRASH!!!"  Literally, the woman has no idea how the legal system works - like the concept of a defined period of jail time - what other people commonly refer to as `a sentence' - has somehow totally eluded her in her 43 years on Earth, despite the fact she has a spouse for whom jail time is as common as a three day weekend.  Overall, I give this show a 10 out of 10, and if I can remember the name of it, I will give it top priority on my dvr.

We are off all the way until Saturday, in Boston.  That's a nice break - unfortunately, it favors the Celtics, who are back on their heels a little at the moment, and older and in need of more rest.  Oh well.  If you need me before then, DON'T CALL ME, BECAUSE I'LL BE BUSY, YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF TRASH!!!

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Heat 99 Boston 90 Heat lead series 1-0

6 Thoughts

1) About five minutes in to this game, with emotions running high and defenses making it difficult to score, I turned to M.Minutos and said, "With emotions running high and defenses making it difficult to score (that's how I talk - we have a very formal household), someone, sooner or later, is going to lose his temper."  A few minutes later, Celtic guard Delonte West, pulling up with the ball over half-court to call a timeout, bumped Mario Chalmers to the floor, and then dropped the ball on him, earning a technical foul in the process.  And we are off!!!  Round Two is here, the matchup errrrryone wanted, Heat and Celtics, let's go, and let's get it the hell on!  Miami jumped out big early in game one, survived a couple of mid-level Celtic charges, and won handily, with frustrations - mostly on the Celtics' side - bubbling over all day.  Winning a game one of a playoff series on your home floor isn't really accomplishing much - it's about the minimum you need to do to be in a series - but it's better than losing.  Heat hit first - Let's Go!!!

2) Dwyane Wade struggled all season against Boston, averaging only 12.8 points in four games against them...but not to-dayyy!  Dee Dub was incredibly aggressive early, scoring 23 in the first half on 9-11 shooting, and finished with 38, on only 21 shots.  He scored on drives, he scored on pullups, he made 2 triples, he had 5 assists, including one probe-right-then-suddenly-flip-it-to-an-opposite-baseline-cutting-LeBron-James-so-he-can-elevate-and-nearly-rip-the-rim-down coming down the stretch in the fourth quarter.  With three minutes to go, when LeBron picked Rajon Rondo's pocket from behind, and hit Dwyane in stride with a 65 foot chest pass for an uncontested layup to push the lead back to 12, the game was over.  On a night where LeBron was mediocre, and Chris Bosh was, well, more on him in # 4, it was mostly Dwyane who won this game...

3) ...and by "Dwyane," I mean,  of course, "Dwyane...and PLAYOFF JAMES JONES!!!"  PJJ killing it all day long: 25 points on 5-7 triples and 10 free throws.  I will tell you now: any game from this point forward in the playoffs in which Playoff James Jones scores 25 points, Miami will win.  PJJ also initiated the most controversial moments of the game.  Midway through the fourth quarter, with Miami in fairly solid control of the game, he got okey doked in the air by the master of the O.D., Paul Pierce.  Rather than let Pierce elevate and shoot and get a foul shot, James made the correct basketball play by landing and wrapping up Pierce with both arms.  Was it rough?  Maybe, a tiny bit, but certainly not overly so.  But Pierce took exception to it, and walked into PJJ's face, leaning with his head, so that he gave Jones the lightest possible headbutt.  The two exchanged words, and received double technical fouls.  Less than a minute later, Dwyane Wade, doing his best to blanket Ray Allen, who still somehow wriggled free for 25 points by making 9 of 13 difficult shots, took a hard pick from Paul Pierce while trailing Allen to the baseline.  When Allen reversed direction and headed back towards another Pierce screen, Wade saw it coming and instead of trying to get over it, decided he was going through Pierce.  Pierce saw him coming, they both threw shoulders, and the two of them squared off.  Wade got a technical for drilling Pierce, Pierce got a technical for trying to get into another Heat player's face, less than a minute after just having done so, and he was ejected.  Celtic coach Doc Rivers spent most of his post-game press conference bemoaning the lack of a flagrant foul on either Jones or Wade.  Neither one was a flagrant, and Doc Rivers knows that - but this is playoff time, and that's what you do: lose a game, then complain about the refereeing, hoping to get a little consideration for the next night.  For sure, Coach Spo will be doing the same thing the first time Miami loses in this series.

4) Studio Gansta Off!  Everyone clear the court: it's a Studio Gansta Off!!!  Chris Bosh vs. Kevin Garnett!!!  First one to roar to the crowd after a meaningless dunk with no one around him, or to shove someone in the back when they aren't looking, then retreat behind the rest of his team, wins!!!  That's 7 points on an atrocious 3-10 shooting day for Chris, who did manage 12 rebounds.  6 points on an equally lousy 3-9 for Garnett, with 8 rebounds.  I wouldn't say either guy was, you know, good.  Nor particularly tough.  That's why they are studio gangsters, and not...

5) ...semi-real gangsters, like Delonte West.  When he committed his aforementioned mentioned technical foul by dropping the ball on Emcee Chalmers' chest (and, by the way: How dare you?), M.Minutos theorized that the notoriously unstable West might be racing.  Later in the game, one of my friends texted me that his son had just observed that West "looks like an elf."  Yes, exactly!  An extremely tough elf!  From the Elf Projects - the E.J.'s!!!

"Hey, girl - how about a little bit of elfin love?"


6) Right now, it's Sunday evening, and I would really like to be at the movie theater, watching the Fast and Furious 5 movie.  Instead, what I'm doing is reading a bedtime story to the boys (albeit in a semi-racist Asian accent, which is fun - hey, the character was a Chinese grandmother), folding clothes, and roasting skinless chicken breasts so I can have healthy food to eat all week, since my metabolism now operates with the approximate urgency of Jermaine O'Neal.  We all outlive our coolness.  Kids - live it up while you can...

Game Two of the series is Tuesday night.  If you need me before then, I'll be ironing our tablecloths, scrubbing the toilets, and dreaming of Paul Walker.  But definitely not in that order.  Lat-errrrrr!!!

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