6 Thoughts
1) Goodbye, Paul Pierce. We'll miss your squinty-eyed looks at the scoreboard, referees, and opposing players, and also your okey-dokes. You mocked LeBron after an early season win in Miami with an "I have enjoyed bringing my talents" tweet (props - it was funny), and tonight you got closed out when LeBron hit two triples in your mug in the game's final minute. That has to hurt. Still, I have always enjoyed your work - it gives me no pleasure to see you in pain...Goodbye, Shaq. We really missed you tonight - we needed that four minute stretch where you commit 3 fouls, allow two layups, and turn it over twice. We will not miss having to watch your belly spill over the sides of your shorts, and, to be honest, I don't think your uniform top will ever snap back into shape...Goodbye, Rajon Rondo. I can see Paul Pierce has taught you how to fake an injury well. Your over- and melodramatic holding of your arm at its side as though as you had a broken elbow was the best acting job since Paul Pierce went off the court in a wheelchair in the Finals three years ago, and came back to win the game in the second half. Or maybe your elbow is broken - if that's the case, I apologize in advance...Goodbye, Jermaino. Everyone hates you (including Celtics fans), but I still love you anyways. Good thing your contract is guaranteed for next year!..Goodbye, Baby Davis. All year long I anticipated you ending the Heat's season by ripping an offensive rebound out of Chris Bosh's hands and laying it back in the basket at the most crucial of moments. I will miss your earnest pie face, and your atrocious play that helped Miami all series long...Goodbye, Kevin Garnett. You are actually the only member of the Celtics that I dislike. You are the progenitor of the Celtics vaunted "Doucheball" style of play. However, you didn't grab anyone's nuts during the series, and while you did throw a couple of elbows at the likes of James Jones and Mario Chalmers - Miami's "toughest" guys - you were fairly benign, and almost played Chris Bosh to a draw over the five games...And goodbye, Ray Allen. You were great tonight, you are my third favorite basketball player of all-time, and it is a shame that you have had your greatest team successes soiled by Garnett's asshole-itude. You are welcome to come down here next season and finish out your career in Miami. I love you, boy...Finally, goodbye, Boston Celtics. Your season started by beating us in Boston, and ended by losing to us in Miami: Have fun rebuilding around Jeff Green! HEAT CLOSEOUT IN FIVE, AND IT WAS LEBRON WHO WON THE GAME! LET'S GO, BOY, LET'S GO!!!
2) Holy Christ, LeBron James. Holy fuckin Christ! With the game tied and two minutes to go, he went: triple off the dribble to put Miami up 3; triple off the catch-and-hold from the left wing with Pierce draped all over him to put Miami up 6; and then, after a timeout, shoot the passing lane for a steal and dunk on the other end to choke off Boston's last chance. Miami's played 92 games so far this season - every game, at some point, I have either thought, or said, "Hey, you ineffectual weirdo - can you please try to assert yourself?" I guess he was saving it. And, yes, I definitely motivated him.
3) Again, it was really just LeBron and Dwyane. Dwyane kept Miami in it for 3 quarters, and finished with 34 points on 19 shots, although he missed 7 free throws. He also had 10 rebounds, 5 assists, and 4 steals. LeBron had 33, including the last 10, with 7 rebounds and 4 assists. He also made the biggest pass of the game, a cross-court, hit-ahead in transition to James Jones for an open triple with about three minutes to go to cut Boston's lead to 2. Bosh sprinkled in a passive 14 points and 11 rebounds, though, to his credit, he tied the game under three minutes to go with an okey-doke-drive-and-dunk past Garnett, and had several good contests and defensive rebounds in the final moments. For Dwyane and LeBron, who have had to hear all year long that they can't play together, can't play in the clutch, can't figure out who should shoot the ball - that, basically, they aren't the Celtics - it had to be a satisfying series. It doesn't prove they are the best team - Boston was missing a healthy Rondo, which is probably worse than missing UD and Miller - but it proves it works. At least to me. If this team did have a healthy UD and a healthy Mike Miller, they would be a major problem for anyone to play. Pat Riley was right; everyone else was wrong. Next up: probably Chicago. Should be fun.
4) Words I never thought I would say at any point in my life: "Jesus - Joel Anthony getting in foul trouble is going to kill us in this playoff game." And it did. For some reason, Spo decided it would be a good idea to experiment with playing Juwan Howard major minutes in Joel's absence. Annnnnd, he was horrific!!! Get well quick, UD!
5) People are going to ask me when this series turned. Was it when Miami came out and pasted Boston in the first two games? Was it Dwyane Wade's relentless attacking? Was it when LeBron James made the triples tonight? No. It was in the waning moments of regulation in crucial game four in Boston, when an offensive rebound bounced on the ground right next to Chris Bosh...and he watched Kevin Garnett bend over and pick it up without making any effort to get it whatsoever. "You are a fucking asshole," blurted M.Minutos. M.Minutos is a saint - she swears maybe once a year. That's when I knew this series was big. Probably more importantly, that's when Chris Bosh knew it, and the whole team knew it! And they never looked back! Sometimes you have to get tough with these kids!
6) "Call me when LeBron has six championships." "That's your only argument?" "THAT'S THE ONLY ARGUMENT I NEED, SHAWN!!!"
Conference finals begin Sunday or Wednesday against Chicago, depending on when Chicago closes Atlanta. Probably Sunday, frankly. If you need me before then, I'll be looking for Kevin Garnett, because he totally disappeared in the second half tonight!!! Good night, people!
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