6 Thoughts
1) Terrible idea: When it became apparent (via his Twitter feed) that Mario Chalmers was running a basketball camp. "Okay, then, when the whistle blows, we'll move on to this next station, where we will practice running aimlessly through a halfcourt defensive possession until we run into the back of someone's hip as they are shooting a 22 foot jump shot with the shot clock going off. Then, we'll break for some bug juice..."
Even worse idea: When it subsequently became apparent (also via his Twitter feed) that Mario Chalmers had somehow participated in opening a cancer ward of some sort in a Lawrence, Kansas hospital (where he went to college - in Lawrence, Kansas, not in the hospital itself). "Well, Dr. Chalmers has reviewed your blood work and MRI, and he believes that it is possible that you may have some kind of cancer of some sort, but he's not too sure. Leave your number, and he'll get back to you..."
2) I mean, if my choice is only between Casey Anthony and Nancy Grace, I'm sorry, maybe I'm a terrible person, but I'm picking Casey Anthony. For sex. For anything. What else is there?
3) Lot of political talk at Dos Minutos International Headquarters this summer. First, from the right, Republican "candidate" for president, Herman Godfather. I forgot his real name, hold on, let me look it up...Ahh, yes, Herman Cain. First thing, of course, the obvious thing - he's a black Republican dude. People can act mock-offended all they want - "What - I can't be a Republican just because I am black?" No, no you can't. That's the first thing. The second thing: I watched the first Republican presidential debate, mostly as a performance-art piece to torture M.Minutos. Apparently, Herman Cain was the CEO of something called Godfather's Pizza. Listen - I've lived in Connecticut, Hawaii, Boston, and Florida - what the fuck is Godfather's Pizza? I think, maybe, I have vaguely heard of it. It's like frozen pizza, right? So I had The Captain do some research. It is actually a nationwide chain of pizza restaurants which not too many people have ever heard of, and apparently no one goes to, and, in fact, there is one like two miles from Dos M. Int'l HQs, but we didn't even know about it because it is housed within a gas station! And yet somehow, over the entire ninety minute debate, not one other candidate ever turned to this dude and said, "Excuse me, let me ask you something - what the fuck is Godfather's Pizza?" That, plus the fact that no one ever would ask Milt - excuse me, Mitt - Romney a question told me all I needed to know about this debate - it was a sham. These people don't care about the issues - who puts a pizza restaurant in a gas station?
4) Also from the right: The Captain and I realized that, obviously, Republican candidate for president Michelle Bachman definitely should use one of two songs from Canadian supergroup Bachmann Turner Overdrive as her campaign theme. Either "Taking Care of Business," or "You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet" would suffice. Both of those songs have been used in campaigns many times - do you think Bachmann Turner Overdrive was going for that? Like, "this is great - not only is it catchy, but someday the lyrics are going to be perfect for some wack-a-doo, non-musically-inclined politician to blare a thirty-five year old song as a campaign theme."
5) If there is any God - next year's starting point guard for the Heat? Alex Morgan:
There is no way she isn't better than Mike Bibby. Seriously, omigod- please let Alex Morgan play on the Heat...
6) Finally, a sad, sad day for music fans several weeks ago when long-time Bruce Springsteen saxophonist Clarence Clemons died. The Big Man lived not too far from Dos M. Int'l HQs, and the day he died, I remembered the time I met him one evening at Swampgrass Willies in Palm Beach Gardens. It was before M.Minutos and I had kids, and we were out one evening watching a friend of ours play a gig there. I saw Clarence sitting at a table there with his wife, and I was, like, "Man, I wish I could go say hi to him." When I was a teenager, I loved Bruce, his music was really important to me, until I got a little older and realized that it was very proletarian to like him, and moved on to musical acts more sufficiently ironic. I didn't want to go over to Clarence in Swampgrass Willies and try to explain that to him - who wants to hassle someone when he is trying to relax? But M.Minutos talked me into it, she was, like, You'll always regret it if you don't, blah, blah, blah...so I did. I walked over, and introduced myself, and told him what a big fan I was (and left out the part where it got douche-y to be a Springsteen fan), and, honestly, he couldn't have been warmer or nicer. He thanked me, and shook my hand, and said something like, "Yeah - it has always been an honor to play the sax with that guy." Then I was, like, "Yeah, listen, about that - in all those years playing with Bruce, didn't it ever occur to you to, like, lose the saxophone, and pick up a guitar, and try to get your rocks off? Not even once? I mean saxophone? What the hell kind of instrument is that for a grown-ass man in a rock band? Jesus..." And then I leaped on to the stage, ripped the guitar out of my friend's hands, grabbed the mike and screamed, "This is for everyone who plays in a band that rocks," and played a screeching, epic version of Third Eye Blind's "Semi-Charmed Life." The end.
See you soon, we'll check in later in the summer!
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