"Happy Halloween. I'm dressed as an aging, hoodie-wearing dad drinking a superstrong cocktail in his thermos while walking his kids around the neighborhood. How u?"
6 Thoughts
1) The NBA season is scheduled to start tonight, November 1st. Miami plays the Knicks in The Garden - sweeeeet opener! Stat an' Melo!!! Can't wait! Oddly, not much steam around the season beginning - it's almost like it isn't starting at all...How u?
2) Okay, so the lockout is still going on - there aren't any talks currently scheduled between the owners and the players, so I'm not gonna lie - it seems unlikely Miami is actually going to play in New York tonight. That's okay, that's okay, this thing will be settled at some point and we'll get to it. Sixty percent of the readers of this blog hate basketball anyways. In lockout news, Heat owner - and, like, owner of Israel - Mickey Arison got fined $500,000 for his tweets over the weekend ripping the other NBA owners, in general, and Clippers' owner Donald Sterling, a notorious turd-ass, specifically. His rip on Sterling was the best - a fan tweeted at him something like, "Donald Sterling is a notorious turd-ass, right?," and Arison re-tweeted it with an "lol." Man, that's going to be a little uncomfortable around the NBA Thanksgiving table in a couple of weeks. Mickey Arison is the coolest owner, ever. On general principles, I despise The Man, but Mickey is the best. In fact, in recognition of his coolness, and my respect for him, in this blog henceforth he shall now be referred to only as "Mr. Arison." Mr. Arison never complains about spending to win; the players all seem to love him; most of the other owners - the ones who aren't turd-asses - seem to love him; and, most of all, he hired my dad, Pat Riley, and has stayed out of his way, allowing pops to build this team to championship level, or near-championship level, three different times in fifteen or so years. Thank you, Mr. Arison. Please solve this lockout for your less-cool business partners...
3) Something you can do while the NBA is locked out: Acquire all the DVDs or downloads of this British police procedural called "Luther" and watch them. I hate police/legal procedurals, and I love it; M. Minutos loves them, and she double-loves it. It stars Stringer Bell, from The Wire, and his young partner, English Downey Jr. Lots of grisly British murders committed by otherwise impeccably-mannered psychopaths. Full disclosure: half my peeps are from England, and I love pretty much everything about that country, except Monty Python, and the very, very painfully so-hip-that-he-is-extremely-painfully-unhip Ricky Gervais. Ta.
4) Someone wrote in to ask how The Captain's Troubled White Man's Beard is doing. I am happy to report that it is gone. Yes - it was an awesome beard. Yes - if given the choice, I might have chosen for him to remain troubled and keep the beard. However, I am almost equally happy to report that The Captain has been as carefree as a frivolous young English lass lately, and, predictably, clean-shaven. One of his giddier moments recently occurred when someone complimented a snappy blue and gray shirt and tie combination he was sporting - "very modern," the compliment-giver applauded him. "Yes - you couldn't get colors like this thirty years ago," The Captain pointed out, somewhat immodestly. Blue and gray? Really? Like, in 1980, you might have been describing the ocean to someone, and you would be like, "It was such a clear blue," and the other person would look at you like you were out of your gourd because "blue" hadn't been invented yet? Really? Because I don't remember that at all, I have a somewhat different recollection of the evolution of color description in my lifetime. Still, though, great to see The Captain on top of his game, and looking more handsome than ever, without the beard.
5) Best email this blog has ever received, from a couple of weeks ago, from long-time reader D.S. This is the whole, un-doctored email, by the way:
I once sat in a doctor’s office in Jupiter – in the waiting room was Bryant Gumbel and Brent Musberger – they nodded at each other and never spoke – very strange
6) Best donut: glazed donut. It's a classic, boiling down the donut to the essential sweet-dough-and-sugar formula; it is pretty tough to mess up; and even if it is a bad glazed donut, it's probably still fairly decent. Worst donut: Boston Cream Pie donut. One, it's disgusting; it's totally inedible. Two, too easy to fuck up - could have too much cream in the middle, or not enough, or could be ill-distributed to one small region of the donut. Three, it's not even really a donut - it's more of an eclair, which is also disgusting. You're welcome. The end.
Now that the season is about to be delayed, I kind of miss it. But I don't miss having to write eighty-two game blogs! We'll be back when the lockout ends, if not sooner. Until then, if you need me, I'll be tweeting at Mr. Arison, trying to see if he can buy the closed Krispy Kreme shop near my office and re-open it. If anyone can do it, Mr. Arison can. How u!
