6 Thoughts
1) "Hey, ref, see the giant white guy standing in the lane on defense? CAN YOU PLEASE MAKE HIM GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE LANE?" Kevin Love, Minnesota's all-star forward who was terrific in this game, never, ever left the paint in this game defensively, making it difficult for Miami to run their slashing offense...until, the very last play of the game, tied, side out of bounds, when Love's cover, Chris Bosh stepped up out of the lane, Love decided to go with him, Wade slipped in behind, and from out of bounds LeBron threw a direct line alley-oop to the rim for the game winner. Damn, that was frustrating..right until the end! Two games in a row, DWade with the winner on the last possession - lost so many games like this last year. Regression to the mean. LeBron's birthday - Let's GO!
2) These Wolves are pretty good, I really like them. Love is great. He is a terrific rebounder, we already know that. But he has become such a good shooter, and the threat of his shot has allowed him to develop all kinds of counter drives, and post-ups. They hired Rick Adelman, the best offensive architect in the NBA, to coach; surrounded Love with a bunch of bouncy, athletic young kids; a couple of slick, white point guards; and Mike Beasley. Annnd, they were great...except The Beas who struggled to a 2-6 in only 22 minutes, and got lit up by LeBron for 15 in the first quarter. Look, getting lit up by LeBron can happen to anyone (34, 10 assists, and 8 boards, with 4 steals for the newly 27 year old LBJ). But Mike struggled with the same stuff he struggled with here - he got to the rim, but he can't finish because he can't jump and he looks to avoid contact and finish from impossible angles. It's a tough conundrum for him - he knows he can't elevate over people, and he knows he has good hands. But he is making the shots too tough. To be an efficient player in this league, he simply has to figure out a way to get to the line. This is his fourth year now - if it was going happen, it probably would have happened already. I do give him huge credit for this: after getting positively toasted in the first quarter, after a rest on the bench, he came back in with a new determination and effectively bodied up LeBron for several minutes. He could have given up, but he didn't. After the game, Dwyane and UD stood with him for a couple of minutes at midcourt, having a serious conversation - Dwyane, talking quietly, leaned forward forehead to forehead like Tom Cruise and the Rain Man. Everyone loves Mike because he's a nice kid. Everyone wants him to play hard, be focused, and get his mind right. We don't play Minnesota again this year, thanks to David Stern's ham-handed lockout strategy, so we will be left to root for Mike from afar. Be easy, Mike Beasley. Be easy...
3) Yeah! Rookie point guards! With huge cojones! For Miami, Norris Cole - another aggressive night for the kid, 12 points on 6-10, 4 assists with only 1 turnover, and 2 steals in 30 minutes (Emcee Chalmers was having another foul fest). He's fast, he's feisty, he loves to shoot. Love this kid! And for Minnesota, Richard Rubio! What do they call him? Rick? Dick? Rick, I think. Rick Rubio! He is wild. He dribbles all over the place, he's pretty tall, fairly fast, he makes great passes, he goes behind his back, he carries it, he throws it out of bounds at ninety miles an hour, he dropped a huge triple - he is going to be fine, he is going to be really good. He mixed in 6 rebounds with 12 points and 12 assists, though he also mixed in 5 turnovers, one of which was incredibly costly. But all the stuff he does wrong is stuff he will learn how to do. He will be an all-star someday, I believe.
4) This probably is going to jinx it, but we're 4-0 with the Dos Minutos Official Notebook that my dad, Pat Riley, gave me for Christmas. Damn, M.Minutos was right...By the way, here is one entry in the notebook: "Shane Battier just checked in, will probably be looking to draw a charge. 3, 2, 1...charge!" He was, literally, on the court 6 seconds before drawing a charge, and drew three on the night. He is going to shatter the all-time Heat record in limited minutes. To be fair, on a huge late possession, he shot a curving, wide open triple that missed the basket by sixteen feet. That was terrible. However...
5)...I was sitting in Dos Minutos International Headquarters today feeling incredibly stressed out about the sheer volume of tasks, work-related and otherwise, that I have to accomplish over the next two months. The Captain has been on vacation since, like, October, so I had nobody to talk to, and actually - literally - had this thought: "I wish Shane Battier were here. He would know what to do." What a comforting presence. Just knowing he lives in South Florida now made me feel better. Mentioned this to M.Minutos. "Call him, I'm sure he's available," she pointed out. Don't want to bother him, but if it gets any worse, I will.
6) So yesterday a friend of mine who grew up in Haiti was trying to convince me to take a trip there. And I was, like, "Oh, I've been to a couple of islands, like I went to Puerto Rico, and I've been to Barbados, and I have also been to Belize (not an island). Is it different than any of those places, or do all Carribean places kind of have the same vibe?" And he was, like, "Well, they all kind of have the same vibe, you're right, but one thing about Haiti, if you stray too far from the resort where you are staying, you might get kidnapped." Heyyy, you don't say! I'm in! "How was your trip?" "Awesome - the hotel was amazing, I ate all sorts of sweet Carribean-fusion meals, and I went ziplining. Also, I got kidnapped! How u?"
---
I'll be away this weekend, so chances are 99% that I won't see Sunday's rematch vs Charlotte at The Trip. I'm trying to be more relaxed this year after obsessively watching 188 out of 190 games (including playoffs) over the past two seasons - over 100 straight at one point. If you conservatively estimate it takes about 2 hours to watch a game on dvr, that's over 15 days the past two years only watching the Heat. That's totally healthy. I should be back Monday for the Atlanta game. If you need me before then, I'll be seeing if Shane Battier is an approved provider for the mental health portion of my Blue Cross/Blue Shield insurance. Happy New Year everybody!
-----
Friday, December 30, 2011
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Heat 96 Bobcats 95
6 Thoughts
1) Dwyane Wade's night: bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, injured, take the third quarter off, bad, bad, awful, awful, pretty much lose the game...win the game back on one play. Ballgame, start the bus, get to the plane, get out of town. Is there an airport in Charlotte? Charlotte's fairly big, right?
2) In their first back-to-back of the year, after two emotional, season opening wins against their two biggest rivals, Miami looked tired, slow, disinterested, and got down 11-0 as Charlotte buzzed all over the court in, literally, the biggest home game they will play all year. Unless we play here again at some point- haven't memorized all 66 games on the schedule. Yet. Miami got down 15 at half, couldn't find their legs, couldn't find their rhythm, and little Charlotte point guard D.J. Augustin kept knocking down jumpers. In the third quarter, with Wade in the locker room nursing a bruised foot, LeBron took over, powering to the rim for layup after layup, and also checked Augustin, shutting him down totally, and turning him over repeatedly. It was one of those nights where LeBron looked like a man among boys: 35 points on only 23 shots, 6 boards, 7 assists, 3 steals, and 2 blocks. He was crazy. He was like Dwyane Wade! After the game, LeBron told Jason Jackson, "Without Dwyane out there, I had to add a little to the offensive power." Ha! Well said! Dwyane returned for the fourth quarter, and down the stretch turned the ball over up two with less than a minute to go; then lost his cover, Gerald Henderson, who banged a triple to put Charlotte up 1 with 12 seconds to go; but then took Henderson to the block and banked in the game-winner with 3 seconds left. So that last part was good.
3) Something I have never seen before: late in the third quarter, Charlotte rookie, and Connecticut champion!, Kemba Walker steamed downcourt with the ball. As he got to the paint, who was waiting for him? Mr. Shane Battier. Of course he was. As Walker started to pick a lane to drive, Battier got in front of him, and instead of waiting for Walker to throw a fake on him, he started to throw fakes on Walker, jittering quickly back and forth before calculating Walker's path, leaping in front of him, and drawing a charge. Not only have I never seen anyone do that before, I've never even seen a player who would actually want to do that - I mean, it was about as nerdy-looking a thing as you could do on basketball court. I mean, it worked, but it was bizarre. It stunned everyone on the court - the ref called a charge and everyone just stood around, like, "What the hell was that?" Meanwhile, in Casa Dos, I looked at M.Minutos and said, "What the hell was that?" Battier had a huge impact in this game: drew at least three charges that I remember, blocked three shots, and probably caused two other turnovers. Not sure exactly who said it in Casa Dos during the first half when Miami was down double digits, but someone said "I don't see how this guy is helping us at all. How is he helping us? He hasn't done anything so far this season." Let's not worry about who said what -- let's just all agree that Shane Battier is nerdy, a clever and determined defender, and at least tonight, he helped win a basketball game without scoring a single point, which I am sure is what he dreams about. Goodness gracious.
4) Play of the game: late in the fourth quarter, in a close game, Corey Maggette drove baseline, looked like he had a layup, and then Chris Bosh swooped in and blocked his shot. The ball bounced out towards the corner, almost certain to go out of bounds, retained by Charlotte, when LeBron swooped in, grabbed it, spun 180 degrees while leaping out of bounds, and fired a 70 foot strike down court to a basket-hanging Dwyane Wade for an uncontested dunk. Insane! No, not LeBron's pass -- Chris Bosh aggressively blocked a shot!!! Also, on another play, put D.J. White on a poster by taking two dribbles down the lane and throwing it on him for an and-one! Don't overheat, Big Fella! He was great tonight again, 25 on only 13 shots. If we played a team with a frontline with no one taller than 6'8" every night, like Charlotte, Chris would be Wilt Chamberlain!!!
5) Here is the Heat's new player introduction video, which debuted last night at The Trip. Is Shane Battier wearing a polo shirt, collar-up, underneath another polo shirt, collar also up? What do you mean? Of course he is! Why wouldn't he? Also, Eddy Curry has never looked more handsome!
6) Because I'm always trying to get smarter, I have been watching the Kardasian show for the last month or so. For years I've felt dumb because I don't understand who the Kardashians are. Here is what I knew about them before watching the show: their dad was that cheesy lawyer who was friends with OJ, but when he actually had to have a trial, they got better lawyers to defend OJ; one of the Kardashians is married to former Olympian Bruce Jenner, who everyone had always non-pejoratively assumed was gay, and who looks like an unholy freak due to plastic surgery gone way wrong; the main Kardashian, Kim, got famous for dating like C- level celebrities; former Laker Lamar Odom is married to a Kardashian, but she is not that attractive. Now, after watching the show for a month, I still don't totally get who they are - M.Minutos says they are famous "because they are glamorous." Okay, I am going with that. Here I am ranking the Kardashians, from worst to best:
5) Kris Humphries. This dude is a walking date rape.
4) The "other" Kardashian. Not the chunky one married to Lamar Odom, and not Kim. She
seems boring, and annoying,and she hates sex - she constantly is on her husband's case
(more on him in a minute). I would hate to be married to this woman.
3) The chunky Kardashian. She seems the most reasonable, but doesn't do much that is
actually likable. She's just not unlikable. Lamar Odom seems nice (and always has - we
had him in Miami for a year, he was very pleasant, and then we traded him for Shaq and won the
title).
2) Kim Kardashian. She seems both petty and dopey. But, I have to admit, she is rather attractive,
and that has to count for something.
1) Spencer Kardashian. He is married to the Kardashian in # 4. Oh, he's not married to her - but he
is the father of their child. His name is also not Spencer. I'm not sure what it is - unsurprisingly,
I don't know who "Spencer and Heidi" are, either, but this is the guy that I always imagined was
Spencer, even though M.Minutos assures me that it is not. Doesn't matter who he is, this guy is
great. He is a formal dresser - always looks sharp, and he announces his every thought as though
it is some kind of official proclamation. He is aggravated that his girlfriend won't have sex with
him, he has given up drinking, and he is constantly trying to advise Kris Humphries how to
survive being with a Kardashian, even though he never takes his advice. He dresses and acts
like he is about forty-eight years old, even though I assume he is in his twenties. Last week, he
tried to re-connect with his Jewish roots, which was difficult because the yarmulke kept slipping
off his slicked back hair. I love this kid, I wish he would spin off into his own show. Here he is,
looking dashing as hell:
---
That's a wrap from Charlotte. See you Friday in Minnesota. My boy Mike Beasley! If you need me before then, I'll be yarmulke shopping!
-----
1) Dwyane Wade's night: bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, injured, take the third quarter off, bad, bad, awful, awful, pretty much lose the game...win the game back on one play. Ballgame, start the bus, get to the plane, get out of town. Is there an airport in Charlotte? Charlotte's fairly big, right?
2) In their first back-to-back of the year, after two emotional, season opening wins against their two biggest rivals, Miami looked tired, slow, disinterested, and got down 11-0 as Charlotte buzzed all over the court in, literally, the biggest home game they will play all year. Unless we play here again at some point- haven't memorized all 66 games on the schedule. Yet. Miami got down 15 at half, couldn't find their legs, couldn't find their rhythm, and little Charlotte point guard D.J. Augustin kept knocking down jumpers. In the third quarter, with Wade in the locker room nursing a bruised foot, LeBron took over, powering to the rim for layup after layup, and also checked Augustin, shutting him down totally, and turning him over repeatedly. It was one of those nights where LeBron looked like a man among boys: 35 points on only 23 shots, 6 boards, 7 assists, 3 steals, and 2 blocks. He was crazy. He was like Dwyane Wade! After the game, LeBron told Jason Jackson, "Without Dwyane out there, I had to add a little to the offensive power." Ha! Well said! Dwyane returned for the fourth quarter, and down the stretch turned the ball over up two with less than a minute to go; then lost his cover, Gerald Henderson, who banged a triple to put Charlotte up 1 with 12 seconds to go; but then took Henderson to the block and banked in the game-winner with 3 seconds left. So that last part was good.
3) Something I have never seen before: late in the third quarter, Charlotte rookie, and Connecticut champion!, Kemba Walker steamed downcourt with the ball. As he got to the paint, who was waiting for him? Mr. Shane Battier. Of course he was. As Walker started to pick a lane to drive, Battier got in front of him, and instead of waiting for Walker to throw a fake on him, he started to throw fakes on Walker, jittering quickly back and forth before calculating Walker's path, leaping in front of him, and drawing a charge. Not only have I never seen anyone do that before, I've never even seen a player who would actually want to do that - I mean, it was about as nerdy-looking a thing as you could do on basketball court. I mean, it worked, but it was bizarre. It stunned everyone on the court - the ref called a charge and everyone just stood around, like, "What the hell was that?" Meanwhile, in Casa Dos, I looked at M.Minutos and said, "What the hell was that?" Battier had a huge impact in this game: drew at least three charges that I remember, blocked three shots, and probably caused two other turnovers. Not sure exactly who said it in Casa Dos during the first half when Miami was down double digits, but someone said "I don't see how this guy is helping us at all. How is he helping us? He hasn't done anything so far this season." Let's not worry about who said what -- let's just all agree that Shane Battier is nerdy, a clever and determined defender, and at least tonight, he helped win a basketball game without scoring a single point, which I am sure is what he dreams about. Goodness gracious.
4) Play of the game: late in the fourth quarter, in a close game, Corey Maggette drove baseline, looked like he had a layup, and then Chris Bosh swooped in and blocked his shot. The ball bounced out towards the corner, almost certain to go out of bounds, retained by Charlotte, when LeBron swooped in, grabbed it, spun 180 degrees while leaping out of bounds, and fired a 70 foot strike down court to a basket-hanging Dwyane Wade for an uncontested dunk. Insane! No, not LeBron's pass -- Chris Bosh aggressively blocked a shot!!! Also, on another play, put D.J. White on a poster by taking two dribbles down the lane and throwing it on him for an and-one! Don't overheat, Big Fella! He was great tonight again, 25 on only 13 shots. If we played a team with a frontline with no one taller than 6'8" every night, like Charlotte, Chris would be Wilt Chamberlain!!!
5) Here is the Heat's new player introduction video, which debuted last night at The Trip. Is Shane Battier wearing a polo shirt, collar-up, underneath another polo shirt, collar also up? What do you mean? Of course he is! Why wouldn't he? Also, Eddy Curry has never looked more handsome!
6) Because I'm always trying to get smarter, I have been watching the Kardasian show for the last month or so. For years I've felt dumb because I don't understand who the Kardashians are. Here is what I knew about them before watching the show: their dad was that cheesy lawyer who was friends with OJ, but when he actually had to have a trial, they got better lawyers to defend OJ; one of the Kardashians is married to former Olympian Bruce Jenner, who everyone had always non-pejoratively assumed was gay, and who looks like an unholy freak due to plastic surgery gone way wrong; the main Kardashian, Kim, got famous for dating like C- level celebrities; former Laker Lamar Odom is married to a Kardashian, but she is not that attractive. Now, after watching the show for a month, I still don't totally get who they are - M.Minutos says they are famous "because they are glamorous." Okay, I am going with that. Here I am ranking the Kardashians, from worst to best:
5) Kris Humphries. This dude is a walking date rape.
4) The "other" Kardashian. Not the chunky one married to Lamar Odom, and not Kim. She
seems boring, and annoying,and she hates sex - she constantly is on her husband's case
(more on him in a minute). I would hate to be married to this woman.
3) The chunky Kardashian. She seems the most reasonable, but doesn't do much that is
actually likable. She's just not unlikable. Lamar Odom seems nice (and always has - we
had him in Miami for a year, he was very pleasant, and then we traded him for Shaq and won the
title).
2) Kim Kardashian. She seems both petty and dopey. But, I have to admit, she is rather attractive,
and that has to count for something.
1) Spencer Kardashian. He is married to the Kardashian in # 4. Oh, he's not married to her - but he
is the father of their child. His name is also not Spencer. I'm not sure what it is - unsurprisingly,
I don't know who "Spencer and Heidi" are, either, but this is the guy that I always imagined was
Spencer, even though M.Minutos assures me that it is not. Doesn't matter who he is, this guy is
great. He is a formal dresser - always looks sharp, and he announces his every thought as though
it is some kind of official proclamation. He is aggravated that his girlfriend won't have sex with
him, he has given up drinking, and he is constantly trying to advise Kris Humphries how to
survive being with a Kardashian, even though he never takes his advice. He dresses and acts
like he is about forty-eight years old, even though I assume he is in his twenties. Last week, he
tried to re-connect with his Jewish roots, which was difficult because the yarmulke kept slipping
off his slicked back hair. I love this kid, I wish he would spin off into his own show. Here he is,
looking dashing as hell:
---
That's a wrap from Charlotte. See you Friday in Minnesota. My boy Mike Beasley! If you need me before then, I'll be yarmulke shopping!
-----
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Heat 115 Celtics 107
6 Thoughts
1) "Guys, the Heat are running us out of the gym. We can't stop their transition game at all. Here's what we are going to do for this fourth quarter: sit back in a zone, dare them to shoot from outside, and then go down and stick contested triples on the other end. There is no way the Heat can combat that, especially not rookie point guard Norris Cole, playing in only his second NBA game. As Dwyane Wade and LeBron stand around and look bored, there is absolutely no way Norris Cole will step up in crunch time, make big jumper after big jumper, draw a key charge on a 2 on 1 break, and salt the game away with 14 fourth quarter points. Ready? 'Celtics' on 3: 1, 2, 3, Celtics!" ... "Uh-oh."
2) Mario Chalmers, somehow, jammed 5 steals and 6 turnovers into 19 minutes. Fortunately, four of the turnovers were on four consecutive possessions to start the third quarter. Not sure I've ever seen that before. So Coach Spo went with Cole for most of the second half, and all of crunch time. Twenty-nine minutes for the kid, 20 points on 8-16, 4 assists, 3 rebounds, and 3 steals. Made all the big plays down the stretch while Dwyane and LeBron stood paralyzed on the perimeter in some kind of post-traumatic Finals syndrome when the Celtics went zone. I haven't checked Twitter yet, but I'm sure it is about to catch on fire with When-Is-Coach-Spo-Going-To-Start-Norris-Cole tweets. It doesn't really matter who starts - right now, two games in, it is fun to watch the kid play. Super-quick and savvy - good combination. And unfazed. Mario Chalmers? Fazed. Definitely fazed.
3) Someone asked me yesterday: Why didn't you kill Chris Bosh after his lackluster effort in the season opener against Dallas? Why? Mostly because we won by like 50 points. Tonight Bosh, continuing the latter games of the spring's playoff against Boston, took Kevin Garnett apart. 18 on 8-11 for Bosh, with 11 rebounds - kept running sharp cuts and beating Garnett to the rim. Also did a good job being mobile and showing on shooters defensively. He's never going to be a physical, aggressive defender, but he defends the pick-and-roll well because he is quick, and bright, and generally always positions himself correctly. Garnett, as per usual, spent forty percent of the game arguing with the opponent's point guards, and had a quiet 12 points and 5 rebounds.
4) O. Minutos, halfway through the third quarter: "I wonder how old Juwan Howard is?" Fifty. He's fifty. Got a layup in the second quarter when he ran down the court in transition, hid on the block behind Shane Battier, Kevin Garnett couldn't find him, and stepped in to the lane, received a pass, and finished. Veteran move!
5) Play of the game: Obviously when Norris Cole (who else?) streaked down the court at ninety miles an hour with the ball and dropped a perfect pass on a charging Chris Bosh, who caught the ball, elevated to dunk, dropped the ball out of bounds, lightly bumped into an indifferent Jermaine O'Neal, who was jogging by in the general vicinity of the play, and eighty-eight year old referee Dick Bavetta, in his thirty-seventh year in the league, the last twenty of which have been completely incompetent, blew his whistle and called a foul on O'Neal awarding Bosh two shots. It was right in front of the Celtics bench, which went absolutely mental - LeBron and Wade were running down the court dunking everything in sight to that point. All the Celtics needed was for the Heat to somehow finally screw up a fast break, especially on a play which didn't involve Mario Chalmers, and then for Dick Bavetta to somehow call a foul anyways. During the ensuing argument, Bavetta's crew chief Danny Crawford (Bavetta was finally demoted this year), looked mortified. He knew the call was brutal - it was unmissable - there was nobody near Chris Bosh! As Bosh shot the free throws, Bavetta sidled over to the Celtics bench and seemed to tell them, "Yeah, I think I missed that one." Ya think? This is what I hate about NBA refs - it's like La Cosa Nostra (whatever that is - why did I write that, I don't even know what it is - is it the Mafia?) - they can't ever admit a mistake and make the call right. If Danny Crawford knew the call was wrong, and Bavetta knew the call was wrong, why did Bosh still get two free throws? A few minutes later, Bavetta jammed up a block-charge call under the Heat hoop (again, in the Heat's favor - the only consistent thing about Dick Bavetta is that he loves the appreciative roar of the home crowd - he's always messing up the call that way!). Danny Crawford had finally had enough, he was like, "Fuck it, this is a real game, I'm changing the call." I applaud you, Danny Crawford, even if the call went against Miami.
5a) Just noticed this - Jermaino: 22 minutes, 0 points, 1 rebound. I'm not even mad, that's kind of impressive. Oh, Jermaino...
6) Movie Review: Drive. Tried to watch Drive last night, at long last. Put the boys to bed, poured myself a glass of red wine, settled down on the couch...M. Minutos may have been there, too - not too sure. For twenty minutes, it was the greatest night of my life. The seedier parts of Los Angeles, all burnt orange-y with splashes of icy cool blue, and ominous, synth-y, hipster music. Ryan Gosling with a vintage, short Newman-esque haircut, with sad eyes searching for meaning in life. Thennn, the screener DVD that my friend MCM gave me got janky, and I had to turn it off after twenty minutes. Whew. Don't blue ball me, MCM and Ryan Gosling. Don't blue ball me. You think it was over when I had to turn off the janky DVD last night? It's still not over!!!
---
Back tomorrow night, I think we play Charlotte. If you need me before then, I'll be squinting off in to the distance, answering questions with one syllable, and driving my Prius at ninety miles an hour down Dixie Highway. See you tomorrow!
-----
1) "Guys, the Heat are running us out of the gym. We can't stop their transition game at all. Here's what we are going to do for this fourth quarter: sit back in a zone, dare them to shoot from outside, and then go down and stick contested triples on the other end. There is no way the Heat can combat that, especially not rookie point guard Norris Cole, playing in only his second NBA game. As Dwyane Wade and LeBron stand around and look bored, there is absolutely no way Norris Cole will step up in crunch time, make big jumper after big jumper, draw a key charge on a 2 on 1 break, and salt the game away with 14 fourth quarter points. Ready? 'Celtics' on 3: 1, 2, 3, Celtics!" ... "Uh-oh."
2) Mario Chalmers, somehow, jammed 5 steals and 6 turnovers into 19 minutes. Fortunately, four of the turnovers were on four consecutive possessions to start the third quarter. Not sure I've ever seen that before. So Coach Spo went with Cole for most of the second half, and all of crunch time. Twenty-nine minutes for the kid, 20 points on 8-16, 4 assists, 3 rebounds, and 3 steals. Made all the big plays down the stretch while Dwyane and LeBron stood paralyzed on the perimeter in some kind of post-traumatic Finals syndrome when the Celtics went zone. I haven't checked Twitter yet, but I'm sure it is about to catch on fire with When-Is-Coach-Spo-Going-To-Start-Norris-Cole tweets. It doesn't really matter who starts - right now, two games in, it is fun to watch the kid play. Super-quick and savvy - good combination. And unfazed. Mario Chalmers? Fazed. Definitely fazed.
3) Someone asked me yesterday: Why didn't you kill Chris Bosh after his lackluster effort in the season opener against Dallas? Why? Mostly because we won by like 50 points. Tonight Bosh, continuing the latter games of the spring's playoff against Boston, took Kevin Garnett apart. 18 on 8-11 for Bosh, with 11 rebounds - kept running sharp cuts and beating Garnett to the rim. Also did a good job being mobile and showing on shooters defensively. He's never going to be a physical, aggressive defender, but he defends the pick-and-roll well because he is quick, and bright, and generally always positions himself correctly. Garnett, as per usual, spent forty percent of the game arguing with the opponent's point guards, and had a quiet 12 points and 5 rebounds.
4) O. Minutos, halfway through the third quarter: "I wonder how old Juwan Howard is?" Fifty. He's fifty. Got a layup in the second quarter when he ran down the court in transition, hid on the block behind Shane Battier, Kevin Garnett couldn't find him, and stepped in to the lane, received a pass, and finished. Veteran move!
5) Play of the game: Obviously when Norris Cole (who else?) streaked down the court at ninety miles an hour with the ball and dropped a perfect pass on a charging Chris Bosh, who caught the ball, elevated to dunk, dropped the ball out of bounds, lightly bumped into an indifferent Jermaine O'Neal, who was jogging by in the general vicinity of the play, and eighty-eight year old referee Dick Bavetta, in his thirty-seventh year in the league, the last twenty of which have been completely incompetent, blew his whistle and called a foul on O'Neal awarding Bosh two shots. It was right in front of the Celtics bench, which went absolutely mental - LeBron and Wade were running down the court dunking everything in sight to that point. All the Celtics needed was for the Heat to somehow finally screw up a fast break, especially on a play which didn't involve Mario Chalmers, and then for Dick Bavetta to somehow call a foul anyways. During the ensuing argument, Bavetta's crew chief Danny Crawford (Bavetta was finally demoted this year), looked mortified. He knew the call was brutal - it was unmissable - there was nobody near Chris Bosh! As Bosh shot the free throws, Bavetta sidled over to the Celtics bench and seemed to tell them, "Yeah, I think I missed that one." Ya think? This is what I hate about NBA refs - it's like La Cosa Nostra (whatever that is - why did I write that, I don't even know what it is - is it the Mafia?) - they can't ever admit a mistake and make the call right. If Danny Crawford knew the call was wrong, and Bavetta knew the call was wrong, why did Bosh still get two free throws? A few minutes later, Bavetta jammed up a block-charge call under the Heat hoop (again, in the Heat's favor - the only consistent thing about Dick Bavetta is that he loves the appreciative roar of the home crowd - he's always messing up the call that way!). Danny Crawford had finally had enough, he was like, "Fuck it, this is a real game, I'm changing the call." I applaud you, Danny Crawford, even if the call went against Miami.
5a) Just noticed this - Jermaino: 22 minutes, 0 points, 1 rebound. I'm not even mad, that's kind of impressive. Oh, Jermaino...
6) Movie Review: Drive. Tried to watch Drive last night, at long last. Put the boys to bed, poured myself a glass of red wine, settled down on the couch...M. Minutos may have been there, too - not too sure. For twenty minutes, it was the greatest night of my life. The seedier parts of Los Angeles, all burnt orange-y with splashes of icy cool blue, and ominous, synth-y, hipster music. Ryan Gosling with a vintage, short Newman-esque haircut, with sad eyes searching for meaning in life. Thennn, the screener DVD that my friend MCM gave me got janky, and I had to turn it off after twenty minutes. Whew. Don't blue ball me, MCM and Ryan Gosling. Don't blue ball me. You think it was over when I had to turn off the janky DVD last night? It's still not over!!!
---
Back tomorrow night, I think we play Charlotte. If you need me before then, I'll be squinting off in to the distance, answering questions with one syllable, and driving my Prius at ninety miles an hour down Dixie Highway. See you tomorrow!
-----
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Heat 105 Mavs 94
6 Thoughts
1) They say you have to beat the champs to be the champs. Dallas claims to be the defending champions, though I still have yet to see hard evidence. We beat 'em down, in Dallas - guess we're the champs! This is what the Christmas spirit is all about - humiliating a team on their home court! Who got the juice now, Mavericks? Who got the juice now? Happy LeBronica and Merry Boshmas! And. we. are. off!
2) We've seen this before - team wins a championship, opens at home the next season, raises a banner, and they are not quiiiite ready to play. Miami went through this 2007, getting blown off the court against the Bulls in the season opener after the title. Today, Miami was ready to play; Dallas wasn't. This game was over halfway through the second quarter when Miami's lead ballooned to the high 20s, peaking at 35 in the third quarter. As will be the case all season with such a compressed schedule, this was a matter of when, more than who. Although, Dallas opted not to bring back Tyson Chandler (because the Mavs aren't Fam - "thanks for the title - see you later, Tyson!") so it's not exactly the same team - no resistance in the paint defensively...
3) ...which meant that LeBron and Wade could post up all day and create easy shots. Dallas was ill-prepared and Miami was so juiced, that it was tough to find anything really meaningful in the game, except for signs of a new offense featuring both of those guys in the post area. LeBron showed the same mid-post game he displayed in the pre-season. It's not a classic, "catch it on the block and bump and grind to the rim" post up game. It's a "catch it at 15 feet, turn and face, and go to work" post up game. And you know what? That's enough. It allows LeBron to face the basket, which is how he is more comfortable, and then do the same things he always does - but, now, a 20 foot jumper becomes a 14 footer. His sweet new move where he faces, shows the ball above his head, and then flips the short jumper looks comfortable, repeatable, and fairly unstoppable. He also had a spinning left-handed jump hook 'and-one' that was spectacular. And, to be fair, mixed in a few bad fallaways. He had 33 points, 9 rebounds, and 6 assists through three quarters (37 overall)...so that's fairly decent. He also was part of the play of the game. Mario Chalmers snuck up from behind on Dirk Nowitzki on the baseline, picked him clean from behind, and steamed up court with LeBron on the right wing, and Wade on the left. As they approached the basket, Emcee lofted a fairly ill-advised alley-oop to LeBron, who was covered by Shawn Marion, so LeBron elevated over Marion, and tipped the ball back to a flying Wade, who jumped, caught the ball in the air, and FLUSHED!!! A double alley-oop! A dalley-oop! Besides a flurry of first half turnovers, Wade was everywhere - 26 points, 8 rebounds, and 6 assists. At one point in the third quarter, he and LeBron had 45, and the Mavs 43. In the end, it doesn't really mean anything - only the playoffs will mean anything again this year - but it was super-fun to watch.
4) Shane Battier played 4 first half minutes. He's been out with a strained quad, and since he wasn't necessary, he sat the entire second half. His main contributions: 1) shoved Mavs guard Jason Terry down to the ground on a transition play, allowing rookie Norris Cole (who had his moments) to finish a layup at the rim; 2) was invariably the first Heat player up off on the bench and on to the court to greet the team during every time out - that's nice to see, but at some point this season there is going to be a high-speed collision between he and LeBron, who freight-trains towards his seat on the bench during every break...Joining Battier on the bench was fellow wing Mike Miller, out a couple more weeks with a hernia. Should be back mid-January; that tells me that mid-to-late January should be his next injury. His houndstooth jacket is now the leader in the clubhouse for "Bench Outfit of the Year." Let's see how long that stands up...Battier and Miller are Dwyane and LeBron's backups at the wing. Battier and Miller's backup, James Jones, made three triples in a row during the second quarter run that effectively ended the game. Wings for days. Damn!
5) M.Minutos, back for another season, noticed at the start of the game that it seemed much darker in Dallas' arena than it did in Madison Square Garden for the Knicks-Celtic game which was on just before the Heat game. Either that, or we have darker players. Starting lineup: LeBron and Wade, they are pretty dark; Joel, very dark; Chalmers, lighter, more like a Carmelo Anthony shade; and Bosh somewhere in between - he's about the shade of M.Minutos, actually. On the Knicks, the aforementioned Melo and Chandler, on the lighter side, and Landry Fields, very, very white - he might be whiter than me. This is sample size-y - for instance, we think Wade is darker than Melo, but I propose we need to see them on the court together before judging definitively. It could just be that Dallas owner Mark Cuban is too cheap to pay for better lighting. I mean, he was too cheap to bring back Tyson Chandler...Yes, these are the things we talk about in Casa Minutos during a thirty point blowout. Or, any other game.
6) This was one of the presents I got this morning, a Miami Heat/Dos Minutos notebook, with the following letter:
Listen, they aren't, like, random scraps of paper. I take a normal piece of 8.5 x 11 white paper, fold it in half just so, and then scribble mostly indecipherable notes on it which I can not read at game's end. You would think M.Minutos, who has published like five novels, would recognize a totally effective writing methodology when she sees it. On the other hand, we're 1-0 wth the new notebook - double-positive jinx is: On! We may never lose!
---
Next game is Tuesday, home opener against Boston. Paul Pierce may or may not be available with a sore heel. Kevin Garnett may or may not be available after smacking someone in the neck during the Knick game (then waiting for other people to intervene so he didn't get his butt kicked). If you need me before then, I'll be at the mall exchanging all my Christmas clothing gifts - I'm going all in on houndstooth! Happy Holidays!
-----
1) They say you have to beat the champs to be the champs. Dallas claims to be the defending champions, though I still have yet to see hard evidence. We beat 'em down, in Dallas - guess we're the champs! This is what the Christmas spirit is all about - humiliating a team on their home court! Who got the juice now, Mavericks? Who got the juice now? Happy LeBronica and Merry Boshmas! And. we. are. off!
2) We've seen this before - team wins a championship, opens at home the next season, raises a banner, and they are not quiiiite ready to play. Miami went through this 2007, getting blown off the court against the Bulls in the season opener after the title. Today, Miami was ready to play; Dallas wasn't. This game was over halfway through the second quarter when Miami's lead ballooned to the high 20s, peaking at 35 in the third quarter. As will be the case all season with such a compressed schedule, this was a matter of when, more than who. Although, Dallas opted not to bring back Tyson Chandler (because the Mavs aren't Fam - "thanks for the title - see you later, Tyson!") so it's not exactly the same team - no resistance in the paint defensively...
3) ...which meant that LeBron and Wade could post up all day and create easy shots. Dallas was ill-prepared and Miami was so juiced, that it was tough to find anything really meaningful in the game, except for signs of a new offense featuring both of those guys in the post area. LeBron showed the same mid-post game he displayed in the pre-season. It's not a classic, "catch it on the block and bump and grind to the rim" post up game. It's a "catch it at 15 feet, turn and face, and go to work" post up game. And you know what? That's enough. It allows LeBron to face the basket, which is how he is more comfortable, and then do the same things he always does - but, now, a 20 foot jumper becomes a 14 footer. His sweet new move where he faces, shows the ball above his head, and then flips the short jumper looks comfortable, repeatable, and fairly unstoppable. He also had a spinning left-handed jump hook 'and-one' that was spectacular. And, to be fair, mixed in a few bad fallaways. He had 33 points, 9 rebounds, and 6 assists through three quarters (37 overall)...so that's fairly decent. He also was part of the play of the game. Mario Chalmers snuck up from behind on Dirk Nowitzki on the baseline, picked him clean from behind, and steamed up court with LeBron on the right wing, and Wade on the left. As they approached the basket, Emcee lofted a fairly ill-advised alley-oop to LeBron, who was covered by Shawn Marion, so LeBron elevated over Marion, and tipped the ball back to a flying Wade, who jumped, caught the ball in the air, and FLUSHED!!! A double alley-oop! A dalley-oop! Besides a flurry of first half turnovers, Wade was everywhere - 26 points, 8 rebounds, and 6 assists. At one point in the third quarter, he and LeBron had 45, and the Mavs 43. In the end, it doesn't really mean anything - only the playoffs will mean anything again this year - but it was super-fun to watch.
4) Shane Battier played 4 first half minutes. He's been out with a strained quad, and since he wasn't necessary, he sat the entire second half. His main contributions: 1) shoved Mavs guard Jason Terry down to the ground on a transition play, allowing rookie Norris Cole (who had his moments) to finish a layup at the rim; 2) was invariably the first Heat player up off on the bench and on to the court to greet the team during every time out - that's nice to see, but at some point this season there is going to be a high-speed collision between he and LeBron, who freight-trains towards his seat on the bench during every break...Joining Battier on the bench was fellow wing Mike Miller, out a couple more weeks with a hernia. Should be back mid-January; that tells me that mid-to-late January should be his next injury. His houndstooth jacket is now the leader in the clubhouse for "Bench Outfit of the Year." Let's see how long that stands up...Battier and Miller are Dwyane and LeBron's backups at the wing. Battier and Miller's backup, James Jones, made three triples in a row during the second quarter run that effectively ended the game. Wings for days. Damn!
5) M.Minutos, back for another season, noticed at the start of the game that it seemed much darker in Dallas' arena than it did in Madison Square Garden for the Knicks-Celtic game which was on just before the Heat game. Either that, or we have darker players. Starting lineup: LeBron and Wade, they are pretty dark; Joel, very dark; Chalmers, lighter, more like a Carmelo Anthony shade; and Bosh somewhere in between - he's about the shade of M.Minutos, actually. On the Knicks, the aforementioned Melo and Chandler, on the lighter side, and Landry Fields, very, very white - he might be whiter than me. This is sample size-y - for instance, we think Wade is darker than Melo, but I propose we need to see them on the court together before judging definitively. It could just be that Dallas owner Mark Cuban is too cheap to pay for better lighting. I mean, he was too cheap to bring back Tyson Chandler...Yes, these are the things we talk about in Casa Minutos during a thirty point blowout. Or, any other game.
6) This was one of the presents I got this morning, a Miami Heat/Dos Minutos notebook, with the following letter:
---
Next game is Tuesday, home opener against Boston. Paul Pierce may or may not be available with a sore heel. Kevin Garnett may or may not be available after smacking someone in the neck during the Knick game (then waiting for other people to intervene so he didn't get his butt kicked). If you need me before then, I'll be at the mall exchanging all my Christmas clothing gifts - I'm going all in on houndstooth! Happy Holidays!
-----
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Orlando104 Miami 100 (preseason)
1) Ask me how I'm doing. No, really, ask me how I'm doing. For real...I ate empanadas in Paul Walker Park in downtown Miami for lunch today! I'm up in here, I'm on fiyah! PAUL WALKER!!
2) Preseason basketball is brutal. We are halfway through the fourth quarter - I was ready for this game to be over an hour ago. Miami played a great first half -- LeBron with some sweet moves in the mid-post gave the offense a new wrinkle. Then, just when it seemed that Orlando's entire season would disintegrate, Stan Van Gundy's head would explode, and they would trade Dwight Howard to the Lakers or Nets at halftime, suddenly they found their legs and started draining jumper after jumper, and now lead by 7 with five minutes to go. No one could care less who wins or loses. Starters are out. Maybe Coach Spo. But I doubt it.
3) Best moment of the game: When The President, and former Heat small forward, Quentin Richardson, tried to start a fight with the man who replaced him, LeBron James. The Pres is fiery, and he's Fam, but he got a little too geeked up tonight and kept skirmishing with LeBron like it was the Eastern Conference Finals. When Pres finally ended one exchange by lowering his shoulder for a shiver into LeBron's chest, which LeBron, to his credit, mostly laughed off, the refs responded in true midseason form by giving Pres a normal foul, a technical foul, then mistakenly giving the ball to Orlando after the technical free throw, then realizing it 25 seconds later after calling a phantom foul on Juwan Howard when his son Dwight tried to drive past him to the basket, then huddling to talk about it for 6 minutes, then taking Dwight Howard's free throws away and giving the ball back to Miami, then arguing with Stan Van Gundy for 6 more minutes before re-starting play. Good job, refs! Anything you can do to drag this preseason game out even longer is much appreciated!
4) Prediction time: If I have to pick "any other team" or Miami to win the title, I'm going "any other team." That's smart money. If I have to pick one team, I'm picking Miami. They were probably the best team last year; they are probably the best team this year. After that, I would guess: Chicago, then Dallas, then OKC. That's all I'm predicting. Predicting is fairly dumb -- they're going to play games, we don't need to predict what's going to happen, we can just watch it. The one thing I know: more than ever this season, it's not going to be only WHO you play, but WHEN you play -- the crazy, compressed schedule is going to lead to some serious sample size-y results. Let us go, Fam -- let us go!
5) Game is finally over, Orlando won. Crowd seems fairly pumped. Or they are manically desperate because Dwight Howard is on his way out of town -- Ha, Jax is asking J.J. Redick about it right now!!! J.J. is right -- as long as they have Dwight Howard, Orlando will be pretty good. Like this J.J. Redick -- he's overcome absolutely brutal coaching in college to craft a pretty good career...By the way, did everyone but me know that Steven Tyler is on American Idol now? I've seen this same dumb ad forty times during the game...Man, preseason basketball is brutal...Best thing about the lockout: only two preseason games!
6) Book Review -- Malcolm X: A Life of Reinvention, by Manning Marable. Alex Haley's The Autobiography of Malcolm X has stood as the definitive record of the Nation of Islam minister for over forty-five years! That's a looong time for a single book on such a controversial and interesting dude to endure as the gold standard. That book is part Malcolm speaking directly to the readers, part Alex Haley skillfully constructing a readable narrative, and it presents an iconic, incendiary, coming-of-age fable about a passionate intellectual. Look at how the imagery of Malcolm X has endured -- that doesn't happen without Alex Haley's book. I love it - it is one of my favorite books ever. This new book, which came out this past year, aspires to be something Autobiography is not: a definitive, factual, documented account of Malcolm's life. Alex Haley was a writer, but he wasn't a historian; Manning Marable, the author of this new biography, is a historian who possesses only workman-like writing skills. I love the topic, so I love the book. When it was published, it was reputed to be highly controversial, but that's mostly hype. There are some interesting nuggets in there, though, which we didn't previously know about Malcolm X. Here are my three favorites:
1 -- Was second cousins with Malcolm Jamal Warner
2 -- As a young adult living in Boston, once nailed Lola Falana after a J. Geils concert at the
Beacon Theater
3 -- Until his later conversion to genuine Islam, he always claimed he hated white people; yet, he
loved frozen yogurt
Okay, okay, okay -- the preseason is mercifully over. Let's Stay the Course! We Have Enough! Fifteen Strong! Let's Get It On! Season starts Sunday in Dallas -- if you need me before then, I'll be calibrating my DVR so I make sure to miss Dallas' championship banner ceremony before the game. I've still never seen evidence that they actually won the title - and I'm going to keep it that way. Happy Holidays, everybody!!!
-----
2) Preseason basketball is brutal. We are halfway through the fourth quarter - I was ready for this game to be over an hour ago. Miami played a great first half -- LeBron with some sweet moves in the mid-post gave the offense a new wrinkle. Then, just when it seemed that Orlando's entire season would disintegrate, Stan Van Gundy's head would explode, and they would trade Dwight Howard to the Lakers or Nets at halftime, suddenly they found their legs and started draining jumper after jumper, and now lead by 7 with five minutes to go. No one could care less who wins or loses. Starters are out. Maybe Coach Spo. But I doubt it.
3) Best moment of the game: When The President, and former Heat small forward, Quentin Richardson, tried to start a fight with the man who replaced him, LeBron James. The Pres is fiery, and he's Fam, but he got a little too geeked up tonight and kept skirmishing with LeBron like it was the Eastern Conference Finals. When Pres finally ended one exchange by lowering his shoulder for a shiver into LeBron's chest, which LeBron, to his credit, mostly laughed off, the refs responded in true midseason form by giving Pres a normal foul, a technical foul, then mistakenly giving the ball to Orlando after the technical free throw, then realizing it 25 seconds later after calling a phantom foul on Juwan Howard when his son Dwight tried to drive past him to the basket, then huddling to talk about it for 6 minutes, then taking Dwight Howard's free throws away and giving the ball back to Miami, then arguing with Stan Van Gundy for 6 more minutes before re-starting play. Good job, refs! Anything you can do to drag this preseason game out even longer is much appreciated!
4) Prediction time: If I have to pick "any other team" or Miami to win the title, I'm going "any other team." That's smart money. If I have to pick one team, I'm picking Miami. They were probably the best team last year; they are probably the best team this year. After that, I would guess: Chicago, then Dallas, then OKC. That's all I'm predicting. Predicting is fairly dumb -- they're going to play games, we don't need to predict what's going to happen, we can just watch it. The one thing I know: more than ever this season, it's not going to be only WHO you play, but WHEN you play -- the crazy, compressed schedule is going to lead to some serious sample size-y results. Let us go, Fam -- let us go!
5) Game is finally over, Orlando won. Crowd seems fairly pumped. Or they are manically desperate because Dwight Howard is on his way out of town -- Ha, Jax is asking J.J. Redick about it right now!!! J.J. is right -- as long as they have Dwight Howard, Orlando will be pretty good. Like this J.J. Redick -- he's overcome absolutely brutal coaching in college to craft a pretty good career...By the way, did everyone but me know that Steven Tyler is on American Idol now? I've seen this same dumb ad forty times during the game...Man, preseason basketball is brutal...Best thing about the lockout: only two preseason games!
6) Book Review -- Malcolm X: A Life of Reinvention, by Manning Marable. Alex Haley's The Autobiography of Malcolm X has stood as the definitive record of the Nation of Islam minister for over forty-five years! That's a looong time for a single book on such a controversial and interesting dude to endure as the gold standard. That book is part Malcolm speaking directly to the readers, part Alex Haley skillfully constructing a readable narrative, and it presents an iconic, incendiary, coming-of-age fable about a passionate intellectual. Look at how the imagery of Malcolm X has endured -- that doesn't happen without Alex Haley's book. I love it - it is one of my favorite books ever. This new book, which came out this past year, aspires to be something Autobiography is not: a definitive, factual, documented account of Malcolm's life. Alex Haley was a writer, but he wasn't a historian; Manning Marable, the author of this new biography, is a historian who possesses only workman-like writing skills. I love the topic, so I love the book. When it was published, it was reputed to be highly controversial, but that's mostly hype. There are some interesting nuggets in there, though, which we didn't previously know about Malcolm X. Here are my three favorites:
1 -- Was second cousins with Malcolm Jamal Warner
2 -- As a young adult living in Boston, once nailed Lola Falana after a J. Geils concert at the
Beacon Theater
3 -- Until his later conversion to genuine Islam, he always claimed he hated white people; yet, he
loved frozen yogurt
Okay, okay, okay -- the preseason is mercifully over. Let's Stay the Course! We Have Enough! Fifteen Strong! Let's Get It On! Season starts Sunday in Dallas -- if you need me before then, I'll be calibrating my DVR so I make sure to miss Dallas' championship banner ceremony before the game. I've still never seen evidence that they actually won the title - and I'm going to keep it that way. Happy Holidays, everybody!!!
-----
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Heat 118 Magic 85 (preseason)
6 Thoughts
1) I don't know how it's going elsewhere around the league, but all the people who claimed that the NBA suffered irreparable damage from the lockout, and that it would take fans a looong time to come back, were spot on. In Miami, they only had nine thousand people on a week night for a intersquad scrimmage, and then had a full house at tonight's exhibition game. So, it took, well, maybe about ten days for everyone to come back. A quick Dos tonight, just trying to get some rhythm going, get my sweat on, get some shots up. Don't want to go too hard, too early - (let's go).
2) Actually, I know one place where it's not going real well, and thaaaat's Orlando. Not. Real. Well! Their best player, Dwight Howard, wants to be traded to...well, pretty much anywhere that's not Orlando. We've done this here before, but let's list the positives and negatives about Orlando as a place to live. Positives: none. Negatives: everything. Why wouldn't he want to be traded? I'm tired of it - he's whining that he wants to be traded, Orlando's whining that they want to keep him (especially their obnoxious GM Otis Smith, who constantly takes shots at the Heat). Trade him anywhere. He's a great player, wherever he is, Miami, or anyone else, will have to beat him to win a title. It's not, like, the end of everything if he gets traded. Oh, I mean, it's not the end of everything, except for Otis Smith and the entire Orlando franchise! Sorry dudes! See you in the lottery!
3) There was a game tonight, kind of. Both teams played their starters three quarters - Miami led by 20 or so after three. Then Miami put in its roster camp invitees, most of whom have no chance to make the team, Orlando left its starters in, sans Howard, and the lead suddenly ballooned to 37! Is that it? Is it over? Are we the champs? No? Oh, that was just a practice game. Damn -- thought we had wrapped the title up early...
4) LeBron, sort of, worked on his post game. But he still doesn't seem to understand the fundamental point of being down on the block. One, you can try to score from in close. Two, you can make the other team double team you, then find open people. Too often, he catches it, gives one shimmy, then fades away for a tough jumper that he can make because he is a freak. But there are better, more rhythmic, options. He has to be willing to hold the ball, and start to back people down. Overall, it was a positive development that he even went down there with some frequency - at a minimum, it changes the angle of attack somewhat, and gives the defense something else to think about. He made a couple of nice passes, including one sweet flip to a cutting Udonis Haslem, who missed the layup. We'll see how dedicated to it LeBron is when the real games start - can't hurt to practice it. They aren't going to play a game that truly matters until the playoffs, anyways...
5) Rookie point guard and flavor du jour Norris Cole looked pretty good. He spent a lot of time matched up against butterball-ish Magic backup point guard Chris Duhon, and was able to get up into Duhon's dribble defensively. Like that. Against Magic starter Jameer Nelson, he showed a little inability to get off of screens, but that's to be expected for a young player. I think his best skill is that he pushes the ball up the court, with his head up. He's a really nice ballhandler, unlike Mario Chalmers who treats the ball like a live hand grenade. He's going to get a chance to play. Also, Dexter Pittman went in there and threw his weight around a little - he still looks pretty fat, and slow, but he's fairly good at holding his spot on both ends of the court, and he has nice hands. He's going to get a chance, also. Because the season is going to have so many games, in so few days, everyone is going to get a chance to play. It will be fun to see if either of these two can take advantage of that, and craft a little role for himself.
6) I was planning to answer a question from good friend of the blog Thor down here in #6, but I have misplaced the list of questions he sent me a couple of weeks ago. And by "misplaced," I mean, "deleted the email." Instead, I will make one up for him, then answer it.
"Dear Dos, your last post was all about how the Heat franchise, and this season, is all about family. However, you hate people, are called "mysterious" by me and everyone else who knows you, and you dread going up north to be with your actual family...What gives?"
Dos: "What? That's totally different..."
We play Orlando again later this week in another exhibition game, not sure what day. Then, the real games start on Xmas, in Dallas! Suh-weet! If you need me before then, I'll be watching a porn I've been dying to see, which my friend MM burned and delivered to me over Greek omelettes at the O.P. today. And by "porn," I mean, Ryan Gosling's "Drive." Later!
-----
1) I don't know how it's going elsewhere around the league, but all the people who claimed that the NBA suffered irreparable damage from the lockout, and that it would take fans a looong time to come back, were spot on. In Miami, they only had nine thousand people on a week night for a intersquad scrimmage, and then had a full house at tonight's exhibition game. So, it took, well, maybe about ten days for everyone to come back. A quick Dos tonight, just trying to get some rhythm going, get my sweat on, get some shots up. Don't want to go too hard, too early - (let's go).
2) Actually, I know one place where it's not going real well, and thaaaat's Orlando. Not. Real. Well! Their best player, Dwight Howard, wants to be traded to...well, pretty much anywhere that's not Orlando. We've done this here before, but let's list the positives and negatives about Orlando as a place to live. Positives: none. Negatives: everything. Why wouldn't he want to be traded? I'm tired of it - he's whining that he wants to be traded, Orlando's whining that they want to keep him (especially their obnoxious GM Otis Smith, who constantly takes shots at the Heat). Trade him anywhere. He's a great player, wherever he is, Miami, or anyone else, will have to beat him to win a title. It's not, like, the end of everything if he gets traded. Oh, I mean, it's not the end of everything, except for Otis Smith and the entire Orlando franchise! Sorry dudes! See you in the lottery!
3) There was a game tonight, kind of. Both teams played their starters three quarters - Miami led by 20 or so after three. Then Miami put in its roster camp invitees, most of whom have no chance to make the team, Orlando left its starters in, sans Howard, and the lead suddenly ballooned to 37! Is that it? Is it over? Are we the champs? No? Oh, that was just a practice game. Damn -- thought we had wrapped the title up early...
4) LeBron, sort of, worked on his post game. But he still doesn't seem to understand the fundamental point of being down on the block. One, you can try to score from in close. Two, you can make the other team double team you, then find open people. Too often, he catches it, gives one shimmy, then fades away for a tough jumper that he can make because he is a freak. But there are better, more rhythmic, options. He has to be willing to hold the ball, and start to back people down. Overall, it was a positive development that he even went down there with some frequency - at a minimum, it changes the angle of attack somewhat, and gives the defense something else to think about. He made a couple of nice passes, including one sweet flip to a cutting Udonis Haslem, who missed the layup. We'll see how dedicated to it LeBron is when the real games start - can't hurt to practice it. They aren't going to play a game that truly matters until the playoffs, anyways...
5) Rookie point guard and flavor du jour Norris Cole looked pretty good. He spent a lot of time matched up against butterball-ish Magic backup point guard Chris Duhon, and was able to get up into Duhon's dribble defensively. Like that. Against Magic starter Jameer Nelson, he showed a little inability to get off of screens, but that's to be expected for a young player. I think his best skill is that he pushes the ball up the court, with his head up. He's a really nice ballhandler, unlike Mario Chalmers who treats the ball like a live hand grenade. He's going to get a chance to play. Also, Dexter Pittman went in there and threw his weight around a little - he still looks pretty fat, and slow, but he's fairly good at holding his spot on both ends of the court, and he has nice hands. He's going to get a chance, also. Because the season is going to have so many games, in so few days, everyone is going to get a chance to play. It will be fun to see if either of these two can take advantage of that, and craft a little role for himself.
6) I was planning to answer a question from good friend of the blog Thor down here in #6, but I have misplaced the list of questions he sent me a couple of weeks ago. And by "misplaced," I mean, "deleted the email." Instead, I will make one up for him, then answer it.
"Dear Dos, your last post was all about how the Heat franchise, and this season, is all about family. However, you hate people, are called "mysterious" by me and everyone else who knows you, and you dread going up north to be with your actual family...What gives?"
Dos: "What? That's totally different..."
We play Orlando again later this week in another exhibition game, not sure what day. Then, the real games start on Xmas, in Dallas! Suh-weet! If you need me before then, I'll be watching a porn I've been dying to see, which my friend MM burned and delivered to me over Greek omelettes at the O.P. today. And by "porn," I mean, Ryan Gosling's "Drive." Later!
-----
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Heat/Black vs. Heat/White - Preseason scrimmage
6 Thoughts
1) This is what it has come to, this is how popular it all is now - the Heat are now televising their preseason, intersquad scrimmages. That is bizarre; yet, I got more emails about this game than some playoff games last year. People. Are. Fired. Up. This season is going to be crazy -- we are jamming 66 games into a season two months shorter than a regular season. The Heat is going to play games three nights in a row, which never happens in an NBA season. They are going to play four games in five nights, multiple times. Five games in seven nights. Games, games, games! And, all this with a training camp a good three weeks shorter than normal. Ten nights from now, it starts for real in Orlando. So let's get ready to do it, let's get our nerdy-basketball-blog writing kinks out, let's put in some reps...Ladies and Gentleman, Welcome to The Shane Battier Show!!!
2) As I said, the season is two months shorter this year, thanks to the lockout. But it is going to feel longer. Why? Well, for one, the schedule is going to be jam-packed with games -- to compensate, we'll probably do some shorter game posts, maybe have some guest writers, and maybe take a night or two off. But the biggest reason the season is going to feel longer? Because new Miami Heat forward Shane Battier is never, ever, going to stop talking. He talked at length to our boy, sideline reporter extraordinaire, Jason Jackson on the pre-game show. He talked at length to Chris Bosh on the bench during the game (probably went like this: "Blah, blah, blah, blahaha." "Blah?" "Yes - blah, blah, blobbyblob, blah.") He talked at length to steady Eric Reid and The Coach, Tony Fiorentino, after the game. And he isn't just doing "basketball talk" - he listens to the question, thinks about it, then gives a well-reasoned response in multiple-paragraph form. He really, really, really had a lot to say...for someone who didn't even dress for the game, because he is out with a mild quadriceps strain, which he felt twinge during practice yesterday, but now he feels fine, but is being cautious with it, but will return to practice on Saturday...You know how I know all this? BECAUSE SHANE BATTIER SAID SO!!! Look - all we want you to say is that you are excited to be here, and you are looking forward to the season. GOODNESS GRACIOUS, SHANE BATTIER!!! This is going to be a long, long season!
3) Speaking of injuries, a surprisingly charming Eddy Curry, who is trying out for the team on a minimum contract after missing the better part of the last three years because he was woefully overweight, has missed most of training camp with a hip flexor problem. That can happen when you blow yourself up to four hundred pounds by eating a steady diet of Now and Laters (I didn't make that up). He assured Jax that he was being "precautious" with the injury, making sure he was feeling prehealthy before going back out on the prefloor. Jax also asked him what it was about the Heat organization that made him want to come down here to try out for the team. I'm guessing one major factor was that they asked him. Also, empanadas.
4) Worst moment of the game: Midway through the first quarter when Dwyane Wade drove the lane, went up for a shot, and took an extremely hard foul from the ageless Juwan Howard, back for his eightieth year in the NBA. Juwan was taking the short term view of the season -- I knock this Wade guy out, my team definitely has a chance to win this scrimmage. Then, on about the next six trips down the court, Howard went all "Iso-Juwan" on offense, with (very) mixed results. Juwan rarely plays, but when he does, M.Minutos (welcome back M.Minutos!) likes to point out that he has no sense of self, ability, time, score, teammates, or anything else that would help you to make good decisions on a basketball court. On the positive side of the ledger - still looks absolutely terrific. Staying young, Big Fella!
5) Okay, one basketball note, everyone is going to be talking about it, so we might as well address it. Everyone already is talking about it. Rookie point guard, Norris Cole, drafted late in the first round, looked good. Let's all reign it in a little, though -- guys drafted late in the first round rarely amount to anything. That's just fact. And Norris Cole is a smallish point guard. Worse, he doesn't possess elite athleticism - he's more of a "B" athlete. And his jump shot is flawed -- has a weird, step-in catapult release. Those three things together generally spell disaster for an NBA career. And, yet, there was a little something about him...He's old for a rookie because he spent four years in college, and it showed - he looked mature, he had his head up when he dribbled, he found creases in the defense and kicked out to open shooters, and he made runners. He looked committed to pushing the ball up the court, as well - always a positive. You don't have to be a great athlete to push the ball up the court and create open shots in transition - Andre Miller is one of the best fast-break point guards in basketball, and he can't outrun me. Look, Norris Cole can't ever be a star - he's not a good enough athlete. But can he be serviceable? I don't know. But he looked sharp tonight. I can guarantee you there is already an outcry for him to supplant Emcee Chalmers as the starter. That's absurd (and it is also a low, low bar); but, let's keep our eye on him.
5.5) Midway through the third quarter, Cole eyed a wide open three, but turned it down, passing the ball away. "Yeah, his jump shot is awkward, and he doesn't want to shoot threes," I told M.Minutos. Next time down the court, an open three presented itself and he knocked it down without hesitation. Two trips later, same thing. Improved confidence from the rookie? No - all me. Reverse jinx in midseason form, just two and half quarters into a preseason scrimmage! The lockout didn't hurt me at all, I have not lost a step!!!
6) To that po-lice who gave me a speeding ticket in Pompano Beach last week? One, I lied to you, I am not sorry at all that I was speeding. Two, I'm not paying the ticket, you right-wing, fascist errand-boy. Three, you did kind of have a nice motorcyle, that was kind of cool. Happy Holidays, Robodouche!
There is an exhibition game Saturday night against Orlando. I find it hard to believe that I will watch it and then write about it, but you never know. More likely to have a definitive season preview some time next week. If you need me before then, I'm revising my Christmas list to move the noise-cancelling headphones to the very top -- it is going to take all the technology our greatest audio minds have to offer to drown out this Shane Battier! See you later!
-----
1) This is what it has come to, this is how popular it all is now - the Heat are now televising their preseason, intersquad scrimmages. That is bizarre; yet, I got more emails about this game than some playoff games last year. People. Are. Fired. Up. This season is going to be crazy -- we are jamming 66 games into a season two months shorter than a regular season. The Heat is going to play games three nights in a row, which never happens in an NBA season. They are going to play four games in five nights, multiple times. Five games in seven nights. Games, games, games! And, all this with a training camp a good three weeks shorter than normal. Ten nights from now, it starts for real in Orlando. So let's get ready to do it, let's get our nerdy-basketball-blog writing kinks out, let's put in some reps...Ladies and Gentleman, Welcome to The Shane Battier Show!!!
2) As I said, the season is two months shorter this year, thanks to the lockout. But it is going to feel longer. Why? Well, for one, the schedule is going to be jam-packed with games -- to compensate, we'll probably do some shorter game posts, maybe have some guest writers, and maybe take a night or two off. But the biggest reason the season is going to feel longer? Because new Miami Heat forward Shane Battier is never, ever, going to stop talking. He talked at length to our boy, sideline reporter extraordinaire, Jason Jackson on the pre-game show. He talked at length to Chris Bosh on the bench during the game (probably went like this: "Blah, blah, blah, blahaha." "Blah?" "Yes - blah, blah, blobbyblob, blah.") He talked at length to steady Eric Reid and The Coach, Tony Fiorentino, after the game. And he isn't just doing "basketball talk" - he listens to the question, thinks about it, then gives a well-reasoned response in multiple-paragraph form. He really, really, really had a lot to say...for someone who didn't even dress for the game, because he is out with a mild quadriceps strain, which he felt twinge during practice yesterday, but now he feels fine, but is being cautious with it, but will return to practice on Saturday...You know how I know all this? BECAUSE SHANE BATTIER SAID SO!!! Look - all we want you to say is that you are excited to be here, and you are looking forward to the season. GOODNESS GRACIOUS, SHANE BATTIER!!! This is going to be a long, long season!
3) Speaking of injuries, a surprisingly charming Eddy Curry, who is trying out for the team on a minimum contract after missing the better part of the last three years because he was woefully overweight, has missed most of training camp with a hip flexor problem. That can happen when you blow yourself up to four hundred pounds by eating a steady diet of Now and Laters (I didn't make that up). He assured Jax that he was being "precautious" with the injury, making sure he was feeling prehealthy before going back out on the prefloor. Jax also asked him what it was about the Heat organization that made him want to come down here to try out for the team. I'm guessing one major factor was that they asked him. Also, empanadas.
4) Worst moment of the game: Midway through the first quarter when Dwyane Wade drove the lane, went up for a shot, and took an extremely hard foul from the ageless Juwan Howard, back for his eightieth year in the NBA. Juwan was taking the short term view of the season -- I knock this Wade guy out, my team definitely has a chance to win this scrimmage. Then, on about the next six trips down the court, Howard went all "Iso-Juwan" on offense, with (very) mixed results. Juwan rarely plays, but when he does, M.Minutos (welcome back M.Minutos!) likes to point out that he has no sense of self, ability, time, score, teammates, or anything else that would help you to make good decisions on a basketball court. On the positive side of the ledger - still looks absolutely terrific. Staying young, Big Fella!
5) Okay, one basketball note, everyone is going to be talking about it, so we might as well address it. Everyone already is talking about it. Rookie point guard, Norris Cole, drafted late in the first round, looked good. Let's all reign it in a little, though -- guys drafted late in the first round rarely amount to anything. That's just fact. And Norris Cole is a smallish point guard. Worse, he doesn't possess elite athleticism - he's more of a "B" athlete. And his jump shot is flawed -- has a weird, step-in catapult release. Those three things together generally spell disaster for an NBA career. And, yet, there was a little something about him...He's old for a rookie because he spent four years in college, and it showed - he looked mature, he had his head up when he dribbled, he found creases in the defense and kicked out to open shooters, and he made runners. He looked committed to pushing the ball up the court, as well - always a positive. You don't have to be a great athlete to push the ball up the court and create open shots in transition - Andre Miller is one of the best fast-break point guards in basketball, and he can't outrun me. Look, Norris Cole can't ever be a star - he's not a good enough athlete. But can he be serviceable? I don't know. But he looked sharp tonight. I can guarantee you there is already an outcry for him to supplant Emcee Chalmers as the starter. That's absurd (and it is also a low, low bar); but, let's keep our eye on him.
5.5) Midway through the third quarter, Cole eyed a wide open three, but turned it down, passing the ball away. "Yeah, his jump shot is awkward, and he doesn't want to shoot threes," I told M.Minutos. Next time down the court, an open three presented itself and he knocked it down without hesitation. Two trips later, same thing. Improved confidence from the rookie? No - all me. Reverse jinx in midseason form, just two and half quarters into a preseason scrimmage! The lockout didn't hurt me at all, I have not lost a step!!!
6) To that po-lice who gave me a speeding ticket in Pompano Beach last week? One, I lied to you, I am not sorry at all that I was speeding. Two, I'm not paying the ticket, you right-wing, fascist errand-boy. Three, you did kind of have a nice motorcyle, that was kind of cool. Happy Holidays, Robodouche!
There is an exhibition game Saturday night against Orlando. I find it hard to believe that I will watch it and then write about it, but you never know. More likely to have a definitive season preview some time next week. If you need me before then, I'm revising my Christmas list to move the noise-cancelling headphones to the very top -- it is going to take all the technology our greatest audio minds have to offer to drown out this Shane Battier! See you later!
-----
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Season Preview pt. I
6 Thoughts
1) Ahh, what a difference a year (plus a couple of locked-out months) makes! Training camp has opened - and last year, Miami's training camp was a zoo. Every practice, every comment, every preseason game, every pass, every shot, every time Joel Anthony grabbed a rebound only to watch it squirt inexplicably skyward, became fodder for debate, argument, analysis, speculation, etc. Not just in Miami, but nationally. ESPN created an entire webpage, staffed by a team of writers, just to cover the Heat, and left its normal staff and coverage for the other 29 teams. And, it never subsided, not for one moment, during the entire season, in which a Heat team which everyone claimed was mismatched, ill-coached, selfish, and evil, got to within a couple of soft fourth quarters from LeBron from winning the title. It was annoying, thrilling, agonizing, joyous - it was probably the most eventful, exciting, and significant season any NBA team has ever played. It was all about chaos. From beginning to end, that is what the season was about: chaos. But this year is different - it's a whole different vibe, at least locally, and to large degree, nationally, as other NBA controversies have stolen the interweb stories away from Miami. This year it isn't about chaos - refreshingly, the biggest offseason news is our boy Jax's report that the Heat will sport new uniforms this year. This year is about Family - because that is how the Heat organization does it. The Fam! Run by my dad, Mr. Pat Riley! Mr. LeBron James, shall we do it, shall we "Let's Go?" Yes, we shall. Let's do what we do!
2) So who is back? The Fam is back! And we've added to it! So obviously, Dwyane Wade and Udonis Haslem (sans braids!) are back. They started with Miami, have been here their entire careers, and though in years past each could have gone to bigger markets, and made more money, they've stayed, and they are the bedrock of the team. LeBron and Bosh are back, too, obviously, to try to help Dwyane, UD, and me win that second title. Again, LeBron and Bosh each passed on larger markets, and bigger dollars, to join The Fam. UD and Wade are like the cool older brothers who are awesome at basketball, have fake ids, and and lost their virginity at 14 (by winning an NBA title in their third season). LeBron and Bosh - they aren't Fam, exactly, but they live down the block and grew up coming down to our corner to play ball in the street, stay over for dinner, and spend endless hours lying in the grass outside drinking beer and wasting time (oops - that last part might have been my neighbor G and me). They aren't Fam by blood - but they are Fam by choice, by love...Which is different from how other franchises operate. Look at how the Lakers do - they've spent the past couple of weeks trying to trade Pau Gasol, only their best player in the last two NBA Finals that they won, and Lamar Odom, for Chris Paul, an outstanding, but somewhat gimpy-kneed point guard. When that didn't work, they iced Odom to Dallas, for nothing, and now will try to swap Gasol and Bynum to Orlando for Dwight Howard. Thanks for the titles, Pau and Lamar: now get to steppin'! Dallas won the championship last year, and declined to re-sign their second most important player in that run, Tyson Chandler, who walked to New York. They're breaking up their family after one season! Cold, Mark Cuban, cold! New York, in turn, did Chauncey Billups dirty by trading for him in the Melo deal last season (ripping him out of his hometown of Denver), but then jettisoning him this week to sign the aforementioned Chandler. Thanks for the twenty games of memories, Mr. Big Shots! Boston has been shopping their all star point guard Rajon Rondo for a season and a half...These are how other NBA teams do business - this is not how Miami does business. We win as a Family; we lose as a Family. Maybe that's bad business sense, or bad basketball sense, whatever, but down here, for now, that's how it's done. The Fam.
3) Also back, Emcee Mario Chalmers, three years, about four million per. He was a restricted free agent. There wasn't what you would call "overwhelming interest" in him, but Miami gave him a reasonable deal to return. He's forty percent loony tunes, but showed some significant mettle in last year's playoffs. In the end, he's the wacky and exasperating younger brother - he might be annoying, but he's still your brother...Also, other available options were even worse! James Jones is back as well - took three years at about the veteran's minimum. He, too, surely could have gone elsewhere, but opted to return to his hometown for less money, and less playing time. Lost in the cacophony of the Udonis Haslem and Mike Miller injuries last season, which probably cost Miami the championship, was James Jones' broken toe suffered during the playoffs. That left Miami out of backup wings in the Finals. With Miller and UD out, Jones stepped in and was terrific against Boston in the second round - shot the ball well, and while he is limited athletically, he competes defensively and always knows where to be on the court. He's a solid professional who you can throw out there at any time and feel that he won't kill you. He's like a great cousin - you don't hang around with him a lot, but when you do, you know you will have a solid time. Joel Anthony returns for another slippery year of hijinks, and Mike Miller survived being waived when it turned out his salary slot was not going to be enough to sign anyone better than he is, potentially - center Sam Dalembert was the target, but his asking price appears too high. Miller spent all summer getting in the best shape of his life, according to "sources" (him), only to have hernia surgery four weeks ago. He needs to hurry up and get healthy, so he can get back out there and get injured again! Joel's our original guy - he has a specific skill set which is really only valuable to Miami. He's Family. And Miller is UD's best friend, and close to LeBron - other teams might have waxed him to save money, but Miami's keeping him, at least for now, because he runs with The Fam.
4) So, who is new? Oh, no - backup forward Shane Battier! He went to Duke: strike one. He once severely injured Dwyane Wade (tore his shoulder out of its socket for no apparent reason), causing Dwyane to miss half a year, and throwing the entire Heat franchise into disarray for several seasons: strike two. And if there is anyone in the league who can out-talk Chris Bosh about every moment of a basketball season, and is willing to do it over-and-over-and-over in the media, it's Shane Battier: strike three! At least the Heat's debate team is going to be super-strong this year! The positives? One, he took below-market dollars to come here, which was all Miami had to spend due to the new collective bargaining agreement. Why? It figures: he's good friends with Heat owner Mr. Arison's son Nick (now a Heat executive). They went to Duke together. Two, basketball-wise, he is a solid, veteran defensive player. He's lost some quickness, but he knows how to play defense and is willing to take tough assignments, sparing LeBron and Dwyane minutes on tougher scorers. Also, he can make a corner three, and he doesn't figure to be overwhelmed by all the scrutiny this team is always under. Three, big Republican guy (though he did a Powell-esque flop to Obama in the last election). When the Republicans win this next election, at least we will have someone on this team psyched to meet Newt Gingrich at the White House, if we ever manage to win a title...I'm not gonna say Battier is Fam - he's more like the son of your mom's best friend, the one who is perfect - gets straight As, is a concert pianist, captain of the Water Polo team, and has a smart and beautiful girlfriend; while you can't make it to class, got cut from the basketball team because you missed six practices in a row to smoke weed in the parking lot with your townie friends, and tell everyone at school that you have a girlfriend, but that she lives in another town, and the only times you are able to see her are, coincidentally, the exact same times that no one from your school is around to verify her actual existence, ever. Even worse, when you have to hang out with this Battier kid, he's not condescending at all - he's super nice to you. So, overall, while I am not a Battier fan, he is a good guy to know, and to have on your team, I guess.
5) Who is gone? Well, Z retired and Jamal Magloire did the same, essentially, by signing with Toronto. Erick Dampier won't be back. There were a lot of rumors he has a fondness for the sticky-icky, which didn't leave a lot of time for basketball. Those departures were expected, and they don't really hurt the team. But you know what does hurt the team? NOT BRINGING BACK MIKE BIBBY, ONLY MY FAVORITE POINT GUARD IN THE HISTORY OF BASKETBALL!!! Yes, his prime ended in 2004; yes, he had, arguably, the worst collective post-season of any player in sports history last year - as we've pointed out, his highlight was throwing a towel during an opponent's free throw; yes, he seemed disengaged, uncomfortable, and to be perfectly honest, somewhat unlikable during his time here. Still, HE'S MIKE BIBBY!!! And guess where he's signing: THE KNICKS! MY LEAST-FAVORITE TEAM EVER! Please, someone, wake me up from this nightmare...
6) Movie Review: The movie with Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis. I don't remember the name, even though I watched it last night. First of all, let me say, someone reviewed this movie to me when it came out by saying, "Oh my God - you already are exactly like Woody Harreleson, and now, in this movie, he plays a loud, aggressively gay writer who loves sports! The only difference between you and this character is that you are much gayer!" Thanks for that - great review. I liked this movie. Started off a little too "Moonlight-y" for me, with snappy repartee and witty banter flying about like - well, kind of like at Dos Minutos International Headquarters, when The Captain and I are supposed to be working! It became frustrating quickly. Hey, Justin Timberlake, here's an idea: STOP TALKING FOR ONE SECOND AND HAVE SEX WITH MILA KUNIS!!! When they finally did get to it, the movie improved - no matter who was on top, it was a pretty good view! Finally, the film made great use of a running Third Eye Blind/Semisonic joke. It's funny because both bands were semi-lame late 90s early 2000s pop rock stars for teenage girls, and dudes who don't like cool music, right? I mean, it would be totally lame if a dude still had every Third Eye Blind album in his ipod, knows all the words to "Jumper," and once watched a six year old repeat of a Third Eye Blind concert on HDNet in its entirety (Mark Cuban's channel, by the way - there probably isn't any family programming on that network). I mean, that would be outrageously pitiful, right? Right!
We will come back in a few days with Part II of the season preview, probably. Until then, if you need me, I'll be on youtube, learning how to play songs on my guitar by watching my boy Marty Schwartz, which I've been doing all fall. I really wish you would step off that ledge, my friend!
1) Ahh, what a difference a year (plus a couple of locked-out months) makes! Training camp has opened - and last year, Miami's training camp was a zoo. Every practice, every comment, every preseason game, every pass, every shot, every time Joel Anthony grabbed a rebound only to watch it squirt inexplicably skyward, became fodder for debate, argument, analysis, speculation, etc. Not just in Miami, but nationally. ESPN created an entire webpage, staffed by a team of writers, just to cover the Heat, and left its normal staff and coverage for the other 29 teams. And, it never subsided, not for one moment, during the entire season, in which a Heat team which everyone claimed was mismatched, ill-coached, selfish, and evil, got to within a couple of soft fourth quarters from LeBron from winning the title. It was annoying, thrilling, agonizing, joyous - it was probably the most eventful, exciting, and significant season any NBA team has ever played. It was all about chaos. From beginning to end, that is what the season was about: chaos. But this year is different - it's a whole different vibe, at least locally, and to large degree, nationally, as other NBA controversies have stolen the interweb stories away from Miami. This year it isn't about chaos - refreshingly, the biggest offseason news is our boy Jax's report that the Heat will sport new uniforms this year. This year is about Family - because that is how the Heat organization does it. The Fam! Run by my dad, Mr. Pat Riley! Mr. LeBron James, shall we do it, shall we "Let's Go?" Yes, we shall. Let's do what we do!
2) So who is back? The Fam is back! And we've added to it! So obviously, Dwyane Wade and Udonis Haslem (sans braids!) are back. They started with Miami, have been here their entire careers, and though in years past each could have gone to bigger markets, and made more money, they've stayed, and they are the bedrock of the team. LeBron and Bosh are back, too, obviously, to try to help Dwyane, UD, and me win that second title. Again, LeBron and Bosh each passed on larger markets, and bigger dollars, to join The Fam. UD and Wade are like the cool older brothers who are awesome at basketball, have fake ids, and and lost their virginity at 14 (by winning an NBA title in their third season). LeBron and Bosh - they aren't Fam, exactly, but they live down the block and grew up coming down to our corner to play ball in the street, stay over for dinner, and spend endless hours lying in the grass outside drinking beer and wasting time (oops - that last part might have been my neighbor G and me). They aren't Fam by blood - but they are Fam by choice, by love...Which is different from how other franchises operate. Look at how the Lakers do - they've spent the past couple of weeks trying to trade Pau Gasol, only their best player in the last two NBA Finals that they won, and Lamar Odom, for Chris Paul, an outstanding, but somewhat gimpy-kneed point guard. When that didn't work, they iced Odom to Dallas, for nothing, and now will try to swap Gasol and Bynum to Orlando for Dwight Howard. Thanks for the titles, Pau and Lamar: now get to steppin'! Dallas won the championship last year, and declined to re-sign their second most important player in that run, Tyson Chandler, who walked to New York. They're breaking up their family after one season! Cold, Mark Cuban, cold! New York, in turn, did Chauncey Billups dirty by trading for him in the Melo deal last season (ripping him out of his hometown of Denver), but then jettisoning him this week to sign the aforementioned Chandler. Thanks for the twenty games of memories, Mr. Big Shots! Boston has been shopping their all star point guard Rajon Rondo for a season and a half...These are how other NBA teams do business - this is not how Miami does business. We win as a Family; we lose as a Family. Maybe that's bad business sense, or bad basketball sense, whatever, but down here, for now, that's how it's done. The Fam.
3) Also back, Emcee Mario Chalmers, three years, about four million per. He was a restricted free agent. There wasn't what you would call "overwhelming interest" in him, but Miami gave him a reasonable deal to return. He's forty percent loony tunes, but showed some significant mettle in last year's playoffs. In the end, he's the wacky and exasperating younger brother - he might be annoying, but he's still your brother...Also, other available options were even worse! James Jones is back as well - took three years at about the veteran's minimum. He, too, surely could have gone elsewhere, but opted to return to his hometown for less money, and less playing time. Lost in the cacophony of the Udonis Haslem and Mike Miller injuries last season, which probably cost Miami the championship, was James Jones' broken toe suffered during the playoffs. That left Miami out of backup wings in the Finals. With Miller and UD out, Jones stepped in and was terrific against Boston in the second round - shot the ball well, and while he is limited athletically, he competes defensively and always knows where to be on the court. He's a solid professional who you can throw out there at any time and feel that he won't kill you. He's like a great cousin - you don't hang around with him a lot, but when you do, you know you will have a solid time. Joel Anthony returns for another slippery year of hijinks, and Mike Miller survived being waived when it turned out his salary slot was not going to be enough to sign anyone better than he is, potentially - center Sam Dalembert was the target, but his asking price appears too high. Miller spent all summer getting in the best shape of his life, according to "sources" (him), only to have hernia surgery four weeks ago. He needs to hurry up and get healthy, so he can get back out there and get injured again! Joel's our original guy - he has a specific skill set which is really only valuable to Miami. He's Family. And Miller is UD's best friend, and close to LeBron - other teams might have waxed him to save money, but Miami's keeping him, at least for now, because he runs with The Fam.
4) So, who is new? Oh, no - backup forward Shane Battier! He went to Duke: strike one. He once severely injured Dwyane Wade (tore his shoulder out of its socket for no apparent reason), causing Dwyane to miss half a year, and throwing the entire Heat franchise into disarray for several seasons: strike two. And if there is anyone in the league who can out-talk Chris Bosh about every moment of a basketball season, and is willing to do it over-and-over-and-over in the media, it's Shane Battier: strike three! At least the Heat's debate team is going to be super-strong this year! The positives? One, he took below-market dollars to come here, which was all Miami had to spend due to the new collective bargaining agreement. Why? It figures: he's good friends with Heat owner Mr. Arison's son Nick (now a Heat executive). They went to Duke together. Two, basketball-wise, he is a solid, veteran defensive player. He's lost some quickness, but he knows how to play defense and is willing to take tough assignments, sparing LeBron and Dwyane minutes on tougher scorers. Also, he can make a corner three, and he doesn't figure to be overwhelmed by all the scrutiny this team is always under. Three, big Republican guy (though he did a Powell-esque flop to Obama in the last election). When the Republicans win this next election, at least we will have someone on this team psyched to meet Newt Gingrich at the White House, if we ever manage to win a title...I'm not gonna say Battier is Fam - he's more like the son of your mom's best friend, the one who is perfect - gets straight As, is a concert pianist, captain of the Water Polo team, and has a smart and beautiful girlfriend; while you can't make it to class, got cut from the basketball team because you missed six practices in a row to smoke weed in the parking lot with your townie friends, and tell everyone at school that you have a girlfriend, but that she lives in another town, and the only times you are able to see her are, coincidentally, the exact same times that no one from your school is around to verify her actual existence, ever. Even worse, when you have to hang out with this Battier kid, he's not condescending at all - he's super nice to you. So, overall, while I am not a Battier fan, he is a good guy to know, and to have on your team, I guess.
5) Who is gone? Well, Z retired and Jamal Magloire did the same, essentially, by signing with Toronto. Erick Dampier won't be back. There were a lot of rumors he has a fondness for the sticky-icky, which didn't leave a lot of time for basketball. Those departures were expected, and they don't really hurt the team. But you know what does hurt the team? NOT BRINGING BACK MIKE BIBBY, ONLY MY FAVORITE POINT GUARD IN THE HISTORY OF BASKETBALL!!! Yes, his prime ended in 2004; yes, he had, arguably, the worst collective post-season of any player in sports history last year - as we've pointed out, his highlight was throwing a towel during an opponent's free throw; yes, he seemed disengaged, uncomfortable, and to be perfectly honest, somewhat unlikable during his time here. Still, HE'S MIKE BIBBY!!! And guess where he's signing: THE KNICKS! MY LEAST-FAVORITE TEAM EVER! Please, someone, wake me up from this nightmare...
6) Movie Review: The movie with Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis. I don't remember the name, even though I watched it last night. First of all, let me say, someone reviewed this movie to me when it came out by saying, "Oh my God - you already are exactly like Woody Harreleson, and now, in this movie, he plays a loud, aggressively gay writer who loves sports! The only difference between you and this character is that you are much gayer!" Thanks for that - great review. I liked this movie. Started off a little too "Moonlight-y" for me, with snappy repartee and witty banter flying about like - well, kind of like at Dos Minutos International Headquarters, when The Captain and I are supposed to be working! It became frustrating quickly. Hey, Justin Timberlake, here's an idea: STOP TALKING FOR ONE SECOND AND HAVE SEX WITH MILA KUNIS!!! When they finally did get to it, the movie improved - no matter who was on top, it was a pretty good view! Finally, the film made great use of a running Third Eye Blind/Semisonic joke. It's funny because both bands were semi-lame late 90s early 2000s pop rock stars for teenage girls, and dudes who don't like cool music, right? I mean, it would be totally lame if a dude still had every Third Eye Blind album in his ipod, knows all the words to "Jumper," and once watched a six year old repeat of a Third Eye Blind concert on HDNet in its entirety (Mark Cuban's channel, by the way - there probably isn't any family programming on that network). I mean, that would be outrageously pitiful, right? Right!
We will come back in a few days with Part II of the season preview, probably. Until then, if you need me, I'll be on youtube, learning how to play songs on my guitar by watching my boy Marty Schwartz, which I've been doing all fall. I really wish you would step off that ledge, my friend!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)