6 Thoughts
1) Ahh, what a difference a year (plus a couple of locked-out months) makes! Training camp has opened - and last year, Miami's training camp was a zoo. Every practice, every comment, every preseason game, every pass, every shot, every time Joel Anthony grabbed a rebound only to watch it squirt inexplicably skyward, became fodder for debate, argument, analysis, speculation, etc. Not just in Miami, but nationally. ESPN created an entire webpage, staffed by a team of writers, just to cover the Heat, and left its normal staff and coverage for the other 29 teams. And, it never subsided, not for one moment, during the entire season, in which a Heat team which everyone claimed was mismatched, ill-coached, selfish, and evil, got to within a couple of soft fourth quarters from LeBron from winning the title. It was annoying, thrilling, agonizing, joyous - it was probably the most eventful, exciting, and significant season any NBA team has ever played. It was all about chaos. From beginning to end, that is what the season was about: chaos. But this year is different - it's a whole different vibe, at least locally, and to large degree, nationally, as other NBA controversies have stolen the interweb stories away from Miami. This year it isn't about chaos - refreshingly, the biggest offseason news is our boy Jax's report that the Heat will sport new uniforms this year. This year is about Family - because that is how the Heat organization does it. The Fam! Run by my dad, Mr. Pat Riley! Mr. LeBron James, shall we do it, shall we "Let's Go?" Yes, we shall. Let's do what we do!
2) So who is back? The Fam is back! And we've added to it! So obviously, Dwyane Wade and Udonis Haslem (sans braids!) are back. They started with Miami, have been here their entire careers, and though in years past each could have gone to bigger markets, and made more money, they've stayed, and they are the bedrock of the team. LeBron and Bosh are back, too, obviously, to try to help Dwyane, UD, and me win that second title. Again, LeBron and Bosh each passed on larger markets, and bigger dollars, to join The Fam. UD and Wade are like the cool older brothers who are awesome at basketball, have fake ids, and and lost their virginity at 14 (by winning an NBA title in their third season). LeBron and Bosh - they aren't Fam, exactly, but they live down the block and grew up coming down to our corner to play ball in the street, stay over for dinner, and spend endless hours lying in the grass outside drinking beer and wasting time (oops - that last part might have been my neighbor G and me). They aren't Fam by blood - but they are Fam by choice, by love...Which is different from how other franchises operate. Look at how the Lakers do - they've spent the past couple of weeks trying to trade Pau Gasol, only their best player in the last two NBA Finals that they won, and Lamar Odom, for Chris Paul, an outstanding, but somewhat gimpy-kneed point guard. When that didn't work, they iced Odom to Dallas, for nothing, and now will try to swap Gasol and Bynum to Orlando for Dwight Howard. Thanks for the titles, Pau and Lamar: now get to steppin'! Dallas won the championship last year, and declined to re-sign their second most important player in that run, Tyson Chandler, who walked to New York. They're breaking up their family after one season! Cold, Mark Cuban, cold! New York, in turn, did Chauncey Billups dirty by trading for him in the Melo deal last season (ripping him out of his hometown of Denver), but then jettisoning him this week to sign the aforementioned Chandler. Thanks for the twenty games of memories, Mr. Big Shots! Boston has been shopping their all star point guard Rajon Rondo for a season and a half...These are how other NBA teams do business - this is not how Miami does business. We win as a Family; we lose as a Family. Maybe that's bad business sense, or bad basketball sense, whatever, but down here, for now, that's how it's done. The Fam.
3) Also back, Emcee Mario Chalmers, three years, about four million per. He was a restricted free agent. There wasn't what you would call "overwhelming interest" in him, but Miami gave him a reasonable deal to return. He's forty percent loony tunes, but showed some significant mettle in last year's playoffs. In the end, he's the wacky and exasperating younger brother - he might be annoying, but he's still your brother...Also, other available options were even worse! James Jones is back as well - took three years at about the veteran's minimum. He, too, surely could have gone elsewhere, but opted to return to his hometown for less money, and less playing time. Lost in the cacophony of the Udonis Haslem and Mike Miller injuries last season, which probably cost Miami the championship, was James Jones' broken toe suffered during the playoffs. That left Miami out of backup wings in the Finals. With Miller and UD out, Jones stepped in and was terrific against Boston in the second round - shot the ball well, and while he is limited athletically, he competes defensively and always knows where to be on the court. He's a solid professional who you can throw out there at any time and feel that he won't kill you. He's like a great cousin - you don't hang around with him a lot, but when you do, you know you will have a solid time. Joel Anthony returns for another slippery year of hijinks, and Mike Miller survived being waived when it turned out his salary slot was not going to be enough to sign anyone better than he is, potentially - center Sam Dalembert was the target, but his asking price appears too high. Miller spent all summer getting in the best shape of his life, according to "sources" (him), only to have hernia surgery four weeks ago. He needs to hurry up and get healthy, so he can get back out there and get injured again! Joel's our original guy - he has a specific skill set which is really only valuable to Miami. He's Family. And Miller is UD's best friend, and close to LeBron - other teams might have waxed him to save money, but Miami's keeping him, at least for now, because he runs with The Fam.
4) So, who is new? Oh, no - backup forward Shane Battier! He went to Duke: strike one. He once severely injured Dwyane Wade (tore his shoulder out of its socket for no apparent reason), causing Dwyane to miss half a year, and throwing the entire Heat franchise into disarray for several seasons: strike two. And if there is anyone in the league who can out-talk Chris Bosh about every moment of a basketball season, and is willing to do it over-and-over-and-over in the media, it's Shane Battier: strike three! At least the Heat's debate team is going to be super-strong this year! The positives? One, he took below-market dollars to come here, which was all Miami had to spend due to the new collective bargaining agreement. Why? It figures: he's good friends with Heat owner Mr. Arison's son Nick (now a Heat executive). They went to Duke together. Two, basketball-wise, he is a solid, veteran defensive player. He's lost some quickness, but he knows how to play defense and is willing to take tough assignments, sparing LeBron and Dwyane minutes on tougher scorers. Also, he can make a corner three, and he doesn't figure to be overwhelmed by all the scrutiny this team is always under. Three, big Republican guy (though he did a Powell-esque flop to Obama in the last election). When the Republicans win this next election, at least we will have someone on this team psyched to meet Newt Gingrich at the White House, if we ever manage to win a title...I'm not gonna say Battier is Fam - he's more like the son of your mom's best friend, the one who is perfect - gets straight As, is a concert pianist, captain of the Water Polo team, and has a smart and beautiful girlfriend; while you can't make it to class, got cut from the basketball team because you missed six practices in a row to smoke weed in the parking lot with your townie friends, and tell everyone at school that you have a girlfriend, but that she lives in another town, and the only times you are able to see her are, coincidentally, the exact same times that no one from your school is around to verify her actual existence, ever. Even worse, when you have to hang out with this Battier kid, he's not condescending at all - he's super nice to you. So, overall, while I am not a Battier fan, he is a good guy to know, and to have on your team, I guess.
5) Who is gone? Well, Z retired and Jamal Magloire did the same, essentially, by signing with Toronto. Erick Dampier won't be back. There were a lot of rumors he has a fondness for the sticky-icky, which didn't leave a lot of time for basketball. Those departures were expected, and they don't really hurt the team. But you know what does hurt the team? NOT BRINGING BACK MIKE BIBBY, ONLY MY FAVORITE POINT GUARD IN THE HISTORY OF BASKETBALL!!! Yes, his prime ended in 2004; yes, he had, arguably, the worst collective post-season of any player in sports history last year - as we've pointed out, his highlight was throwing a towel during an opponent's free throw; yes, he seemed disengaged, uncomfortable, and to be perfectly honest, somewhat unlikable during his time here. Still, HE'S MIKE BIBBY!!! And guess where he's signing: THE KNICKS! MY LEAST-FAVORITE TEAM EVER! Please, someone, wake me up from this nightmare...
6) Movie Review: The movie with Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis. I don't remember the name, even though I watched it last night. First of all, let me say, someone reviewed this movie to me when it came out by saying, "Oh my God - you already are exactly like Woody Harreleson, and now, in this movie, he plays a loud, aggressively gay writer who loves sports! The only difference between you and this character is that you are much gayer!" Thanks for that - great review. I liked this movie. Started off a little too "Moonlight-y" for me, with snappy repartee and witty banter flying about like - well, kind of like at Dos Minutos International Headquarters, when The Captain and I are supposed to be working! It became frustrating quickly. Hey, Justin Timberlake, here's an idea: STOP TALKING FOR ONE SECOND AND HAVE SEX WITH MILA KUNIS!!! When they finally did get to it, the movie improved - no matter who was on top, it was a pretty good view! Finally, the film made great use of a running Third Eye Blind/Semisonic joke. It's funny because both bands were semi-lame late 90s early 2000s pop rock stars for teenage girls, and dudes who don't like cool music, right? I mean, it would be totally lame if a dude still had every Third Eye Blind album in his ipod, knows all the words to "Jumper," and once watched a six year old repeat of a Third Eye Blind concert on HDNet in its entirety (Mark Cuban's channel, by the way - there probably isn't any family programming on that network). I mean, that would be outrageously pitiful, right? Right!
We will come back in a few days with Part II of the season preview, probably. Until then, if you need me, I'll be on youtube, learning how to play songs on my guitar by watching my boy Marty Schwartz, which I've been doing all fall. I really wish you would step off that ledge, my friend!
