1) Wow, Mark Cuban, you've really done something with this franchise, you've really turned it around...from a perennial contender into a joke! Broke up the squad two summers ago, planned to sign Dwight Howard and Deron Williams as free agents...oops!!! Also, I think Dirk Nowitzki has quit - didn't see him on the court at all tonight. I assume he got sick of Cuban and retired, not too sure what happened there. When Shane Battier made a triple late in the third quarter, Miami led by 36. In Dallas. On national tv. Ugh. Oh, oh, oh - it's not that bad in Dallas, I forgot, they were missing two starters tonight: Elton Brand and Derek Fisher - HAAAAAAAA!!! Let it fly!!!
2) I mean, this game was a joke. Miami didn't even play hard, and still destroyed the Mavs. Not much to talk about. KJ James extended his 20+ scoring streak with 24 points (9-13), Wade had 19 and only had to play 26 minutes, and Bosh had 17 points, 7 rebounds, 4 assists, and 3 steals. I'm pretty sure they could have beaten this Mavs team without all three of them. Let's move on, it's late...
3) Play of the Game: with 3 minutes remaining in the first half, Dwyane Wade grabbed an easy, uncontested rebound, looked upcourt, saw KJ way down there with a couple of Mavs, kind of shrugged, and heaved up the highest outlet pass of all-time. It was an absolute 80 foot moonball, or as I like to call it, a "highball." KJ waited for it - it was right to him - jumped up in between the two Mavs, easily caught it, and dropped it in the basket. Two points. Too tall, too athletic, too coordinated. Sometimes it's that simple.
4) Which brings us to the MVP "debate," which is already starting to ramp up. Let's all understand right now that KJ James has no chance to win the MVP award this season, despite the fact he's easily the best player in the league. He's won three out of the last four, the one time he didn't win was an absolute joke (Derrick Rose, whom KJ then single-handedly eviscerated in the playoffs), and everyone is tired of voting for him. That's what happens, that's just how we do it. Shaq only won 1 MVP award - Steve Nash, who was never remotely the best player in the league, won 2! A lot of voters have Carmelo Anthony as MVP right now. You know what? I'll give you that - it's a great story, the Knicks have been tremendous, he's been electric, and voters are usually blinded by narrative, which is how a Nash or a Rose wins. But today, ESPN's Israel Gutierrez, who is from the MIA and should know better, wrote that he had Kevin Durant just slightly ahead of KJ on his ballot so far this year! That. Is. Retarded. I mean, these two guys played in the Finals like 5 months ago. By the way, that's not five months' worth of games, that's five months including the offseason - they've only each played about 25 games since that series ended. They locked up head-to-head in those Finals...at least they did until OKC had to take Durant off KJ because KJ was killing him, and getting KD into foul trouble. Mon Dieu! KJ's team lost one close game, then won four straight to win the title. They start this season, and KJ has been better than ever, he's gone for 20 or more every single night, and he's shooting 54% from the floor, and 44% from the three point line. I mean, if there's one thing Durant does better than James, it's shoot the ball, right? Cuz KJ is a better rebounder, passer, and he's the best wing defender in the league, whereas Durant is, you know, "pretty good" defensively, at best. When he struggled on defense in the Finals, OKC put him on Mario Chalmers - seemed to hold his own against Emcee, for the most part, so that's something right there. So, I mean, Durant must be a lot better shooter for Israel Gutierrez to have him ahead of KJ on his ballot, right? Ummm, not exactly: Durant's 52% from the floor, and also 44% on triples. KJ is having a better season shooting the ball than Durant (so far). Well, I mean team success has a lot to do with it, Miami hasn't really played hard or well yet, while OKC burns it out every night - they must have a lot better record, that matters for the MVP vote, right? OKC has 5 losses; Miami has 6 - with a bunch of injuries. So despite the fact that KJ just thoroughly outplayed KD head-to-head for the highest of stakes; despite the fact that KJ leads Durant in virtually every statistical category, including Durant's only perceived advantage; despite the fact the two teams have virtually the same record; and despite the fact that since KJ last won the MVP, and the Finals MVP - voters could have voted for Durant for either of those awards, by the way, he was in the Finals, too - in the twenty-five games so far this season, Israel Gutierrez (not to only pick on him - tons of dudes are writing it) thinks Kevin Durant has somehow surpassed James as a player? Or, that he has demonstrated some magical "valuable-ness" which has really not translated into any OKC advantage, record-wise (despite the fact Miami has played with minimal effort all year)? Yeah - that's brilliant. What sense does that make? There's not a human being alive who would take Kevin Durant over KJ James for the balance of this season - you would have to be a dunce to do that, not even Russell Westbrook would be that dopey. If Carmelo wins the MVP, all right, at least you are subscribing to some fairy tale-esque bedtime story. But to vote for Kevin Durant? You would have to be brain-dead to vote that way (even though he is a great, great player, and I love him). BRAIN DEAD, I TELL YOU!!!
5) It's been in the national media the last couple of days, like it's a new thing, but everyone down here has known for a while that KJ James often rides his bike from LeMansion to The Trip for games. That's one of the benefits of playing in Miami - December bike rides! Bet you Anderson Varejo hasn't even seen a bike the last four months...But here's something none of us knew - look who's riding with him: Jax! Heat television host extraordinaire Jason Jackson...AND HE'S AHEAD, HE'S BEATING KJ!!! Go Jax go!!!
6) Well, we were sitting around Dos Minutos International HQ's today and The Captain, out of the blue, tells me that I should look into running for the vacant city commissioner's seat in Boynton Beach, Florida, the town where I live. I'm not gonna lie - I don't really know what that position entails, but I think he's right, I'd be excellent at it. As long-time readers of this blog may remember, I served as the linchpin of county commissioner Shelly Vana's successful efforts to straighten out an extremely serious parking problem at West Boynton Park a few years ago. And by "served as the linchpin," I mean, "I kept writing and calling her office about my argument with a city of Boynton po-liceman who gave me a ticket until she had to pretend to care." Anyways, I am strongly considering accepting his offer to run, and I already have a centerpiece issue to run on: bike sharing. Look, everyone isn't KJ James or Heat television host extraordinaire Jason Jackson, we can't all be buying fancy bicycles left and right, riding it around to and fro, leaving it behind because we got too drunk at South Street in the Design District, and then just buying another expensive one whenever we want to go for another ride. No - most of us live in the real world, with real problems. A bike sharing program, where you can pay an annual membership fee and pick up bikes at numerous convenient locations around town and then drop them off when you get to your destination, would help everyone in the city save on gas prices, foster a greater sense of community, and significantly reduce Boynton Beach's dependence on foreign oil. Every major city has one - New York, Washington D.C., Seattle, San Francisco..."Yeah, that's the only thing separating Boynton Beach from the big boys," noticed The Captain, and he's right. I get a hold of some power in this city, boy, I put in my bike program, divert our excess saved capital to building up our military, and then we invade Delray Beach. I got big ideas, boy, big ideas. Let's just hope the world doesn't end tomorrow...
That's a wrap from Dallas' arena, or as I like to call it, since we won a title there, and have beaten the Mavs by like a combined 90 points the last two games in their building, The Trip-West. Next game is Saturday, I believe against Utah. Uh-oh, another big team that rebounds! If you need me before then, I'll be shopping for a new bike, but at Target, you know, for a crappy, cheap one, not the fancy racing-type that KJ and Jax can afford. See you Saturday, Mayans!