1) Green shoes! BRIGHT green shoes! Haaaa!!! Remember when playing against Boston used to be a big game for Miami? Tonight Dwyane Wade, KJ James, and Mario "Emcee" Chalmers each came out for the opening tip wearing bright green lime-pistachio colored sneakers to mock the Celtics...and then changed to different pairs of equally bright green sneakers for the second half! Haaa! Whoever scheduled the Celtics in Miami for the last day of the NBA's "Green Week" did us all a huge favor! If we don't see you in the playoffs - and it's not looking good right now - I bid you a hearty "slainte," Boston Celtics. No team has ever been as douchy as you have been and, frankly, you have always seemed awfully proud of it. At least that's something. Let it fly!
2) As for the game, Boston held out Kevin Garnett and Paul Pierce in a desperate attempt to avoid Miami in the first round. Milwaukee lost in Atlanta tonight. If Boston beats Orlando tomorrow (or wins any of their last three games), they get the Knicks instead of the Heat, and Miami gets the Bucks. I suspect Garnett and Pierce will play tomorrow - skipped tonight to try to save all their energy for a much more winnable game. Miami played all three of its guys light minutes. Dwyane Wade was terrible, he looked bouncy, but very rusty with his decision-making after a couple of weeks of rest. Good to get him in there. KJ James was like a patient parent. Without Pierce, Boston doesn't have anyone on its roster who can guard him, but he was very deferential: played at the top of the key and crisply ran the offense, trying to get Dwyane and Bosh as many touches as possible, shooting only when he really had to. He finished 8-10 for 20 points and 9 assists in only 29 minutes. I'm guessing all three will play again Sunday against Chicago, then sit out the last two games. It's now 63 wins, by the way, with 3 still to play. That's a lot of wins.
3) Player of the game: Rashard Lewis! The Heat played everyone tonight, and had all kinds of unusual lineups. It was really more like a scrimmage than a competitive game. On one possession in the third quarter, Lewis and Mike Miller put on a weaving, Globetrotter-esque dribble-fest in, out, and around the Celtics defense, ending up with a Lewis three ball off a Miller drive-and-kick. Note to Celtics: that is embarrassing. The third quarter ended with Lewis making back-to-back threes to put Miami up 12, and on the first possession of the fourth quarter he made another: Heat by 15, ballgame. 19 for Lewis on 7-11 in 24 minutes. Get a look at him: you won't be seeing him again after Wednesday!
4) Play of the game: Jeff Green was spectacular against the Heat again. We are Jeff Green's reverse-jinx. If he played every game against Miami, he would be Kevin Durant, instead of, umm, Jeff Green. He scored 25 points, and had 3 massive throwdown dunks, all on Chris Anderson. However, on the third one, in fourth quarter garbage time, he slipped off the rim, fell on his left arm, and lay writhing in pain on the ground. After he wobbled to his feet, he motioned (with his good arm), for the Celtics to take a foul so he could get out of the game for treatment. But nobody on the Celtics took a foul! Haaa! Not only that, when Miami's possession ended, the Celtics didn't take a timeout, they played offense 4 against 5 with Green staggering around holding his arm to his side: AND THIS WENT ON FOR FIVE POSSESSIONS!!! On one of them, with the shot clock running down, someone brainlessly passed it to Green and he had to launch a one-handed 25 foot missile that almost went through the backboard! They always say that you can tell a lot about a team when one of its star players breaks his elbow falling off the rim after a dunk and the rest of his team is like, "ehhh, whatever!" And you know what it says? #Doucheball.
4.5) Bonus Thought! Because there is a decent chance this is the last time we ever play a Pierce-Garnett-Rondo Celtic team (even if two of them were too scared to play, and the other has - maybe - been faking an injury the past 4 months): Kevin Garnett's Top Five Hobbies:
5) Keying strangers' cars at the Star Market near his house
4) Fake mouthing words at deaf kids
3) Killing small dogs
2) "poop and run"
1) Madden 2008 (for Playstation)
5) Remember over the summer when Mario Chalmers somehow seemed to be an integral part of opening a cancer research and care facility at his alma mater, the University of Kansas? Well, he's at it again, making another contribution to the health and fitness world. He spent part of Thursday teaching kids how to swim at the Venetian Pool in Coral Gables. Oh, no! Parents, I'd put some water wings on those kids, I've been in that pool, it's super-big, very deep, and the swimming instructor is using a kickboard to stay afloat! This does not seem like a safe idea:
And that's not all. Emcee has several more community wellness events coming up, including: "Nature Hike in Chernobyl;" "Canoeing with the Somali Pirates;" and "Pub Crawl with the Boston Celtics." Participate at your own risk!
6) Travel Tips from Tania and Blake: no one travels more than great friends of the blog Tania and Blake. I'll text Blake to gossip about the latest episode of Dallas - because he wants to, I could care less of course, I'm just being a good friend - and he'll be like, "I haven't seen it yet, I'm in Napa Valley, we cruised up here for a few days," or "I'm dvr'ing it, I'm on a Python Hunt in the Everglades with Mario Chalmers." Anyways, today they alighted (alit? are either of those an actual word? I was an English major, by the way) for Providence, Rhode Island. Good idea: New England is where I'm from, it's a great place to visit in the spring, as long as you aren't too close to Boston. They always have a travel tip or two to pass on, and here is today's: "At the airport, flight delayed. Decent people-watching, like the slightly annoying family across from us. Note: if your kids are named Mossimo and Gianni, I'm 95% certain you are from Long Island." Whoa, whoa, whoa: I thought these two were travel experts...95%??? That seems wayyy too low...I think the jet lag may have caught up to Tania and Blake.
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Next game is Sunday against the Bulls. It's meaningless for both teams, although I would expect Dwyane, KJ, and Bosh to play a bit. If you need me before then, I'll be attending my weekly "Pitbull Obedience School" session with Mario Chalmers. See u Sunday!
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