6 Thoughts
1) "Guys, we're overwhelming underdogs to the Heat, but we're only down 1 in an absolute dogfight with 20 seconds to go, Heat ball. Let's make sure Dwyane, LeBron, and Bosh get doubled on every catch, force the ball to Mario Chalmers, and see if he will make a weaving, gyroscopic scramble into the lane, drop the ball off to a cutting Joel Anthony, and then we'll have the dirtiest player in basketball, Elton Brand, try to rip his face off from behind and send him to the line. At worst for us - absolute worst - he makes one of two. No chance he makes both. Ready? Sixers on one: Sixers!" Ooooops...W-A-R-D-E-N! So long, Sixers, I bid you adieu. I'm smoking a peach-flavored Philly Blunt in your honor: I salute you, even as I hate you...Okay, for the first time in the LeBron James Miami Heat Playoff Era: MUTHAFUCKIN' SERIES IS OVER - LET'S GO!!!!!!
2) As Pat Riley often likes to say, in basketball there is winning, and there is misery - nothing else. This is magnified in the playoffs - only winning matters. A lot of things went against Miami tonight: they instantly got down double digits, again; Andre Iguodala and Elton Brand awakened to shoot a combined ridiculous 20-31, virtually all of them ill-conceived jumpers, while Dwyane Wade and LeBron were a combined 15-38; they endured a refereeing crew which allowed the defenses to play blatant lane-packing zones, and didn't call contact at the rim, turning the game into a jump shooting contest, not a Heat forte; they got an utterly bizarre technical foul call on Chris Bosh moments in to the game, when he wasn't even protesting a call, another on Spoelstra when back-to-back LeBron runout-and-get-fouled-at-the-rim plays were no-called, and another with less than a minute to go on Dwyane Wade from his back in a one possession game for smirking at a referee who once got fined by the league for telling the Heat coach, during a game, "I love to watch your team lose." Because, you know, that's fair that he still gets to ref our playoff games! No t's on the Sixers, by the way...It felt like Miami was down 20 all night, although they actually had a slight lead most of the game after the first quarter. In the end, they toughed it out: winning, instead of misery.
3) So how did they win? Well, for one thing, besides the aforementioned Chalmers drive-and-dish to Joel Anthony, the game's biggest play, Emcee made an insane 6-12 triples, and scored 20 points. Joel also made the game's second biggest play, a stone-cold, come-across-the-rim-and-take-it-away block of a Sixers layup in the closing moments. They won the battle of the boards 47-41, mostly because Dwyane and Chris had 11 each, and LeBron had 10. They made 21-25 free throws, while the Sixers only made 11-17, including 4 huge fourth quarter whiffs. They shot the ball poorly; they bogged down on late possessions; they gave up wayyyy too many layups. But they won - and in the playoffs, that's all there is.
4) Now, a new problem: The Boston Celtics. Round 2 starts Sunday afternoon. After watching most of the first round of the playoffs, and seeing what everybody has, I think it is pretty clear that if Miami had Udonis Haslem and Mike Miller healthy and available, they would be the league's best team, pretty definitively. Those are their fourth and their fifth best players. UD is rumoured to - perhaps, just maybe - be back for the Celtics, but he hasn't played since November, so it seems unlikely he is going to be able to help much. Mike Miller has been de-rotationed, and awaits off-season thumb surgery. Even without those two, I think they can beat any team in the league in a best of seven series - except one. The Boston Celtics. One, Boston's best two scorers are their wings, Ray Allen and Paul Pierce, which forces Dwyane and LeBron to have to guard all game long. That requires them to get a little more rest, and a little more offensive help, than they require against other teams with less talented wings. Without UD and Miller, that's a problem, unless Emcee Chalmers continues to make 6 triples every game. Two, Miami's weakest skill - jump shooting - is magnified against Boston because they are expert at packing the paint and forcing jumpers. Three, Boston is mostly comprised of old, battle-tested dudes who have seen everything - they aren't going to be fazed by playing against Dwyane and LeBron for two weeks. If there is one team Miami doesn't want to play, it's this one. In my heart of hearts, I don't think Miami can beat them - that's no reverse jinx, reverse jinxes don't work when it's that blatant. I just don't think they can beat them. I say Miami wins 1, Boston toughs out 2 on the road, wins 3 and 4 at home, Miami gets 5 at home, and Boston closes them in 6 in The Garden when Baby Davis rips a rebound out of Chris Bosh's hands and lays it back in the basket. Remember, there are only two possible outcomes: winning and misery...On the other hand, if we lose, I can send this blog on vacation earlier! Hmmmm...
5) Our good friend Tania writes in from Key West to ask something like, “Are you going to comment on this whole Chris Bosh fake marriage thing?” I’m too tired to look up the email which contained her exact question. You know why? Because Chris Bosh is positively exhausting. There have been stories the last couple of weeks that Chris Bosh and his somewhat, umm, “visible” fiancé (her Twitter handle is @FutureMrsBosh) are actually married – some reporter produced something from a courthouse showing that they were married and asked Bosh about it at a recent practice, but he said something like, “Umm, not yet, no, not really,” and the reporter was like, “Well, why does the city of Miami say you are,” or something, and Bosh laughed or something, and said, “Oh, I don’t know,” and went back to practicing rotating to the correct spot defensively only to watch a point guard lay the ball in right over him. Again, the exact details of the story are hazy to me, because any time I would start to read the articles I would begin to get drowsy, the same way I do the instant I see a preview for any Dustin Hoffman movie made after 1990. If I have to make a ruling here, and it seems like Tania is demanding one, I would assert three things based on the evidence. One: Chris Bosh is probably married. Two: His wife is angling for a spot on a reality tv show like Basketball Wives (the greatest show in tv history – “I wasn’t being selfish; I was just doing what was right for myself at that particular time”) or The Real Housewives of Miami. Three: Tania is reading too much Bossip.com. And she’s not even black.
6) Dude, what? Obama was born in America ? No wayyyy, not buying it, that’s absurd. By the way, It turns out this Obama dude is not funny, at all. Lots of funny black dudes over the years: Richard Pryor, Eddie Murphy, Chris Rock – Obama is not one of them. I thought I would be going for Huckabee in the next election, because the time I saw him play the bass guitar on an old Billy Joel song during an episode of his aptly titled sitcom “Huckabee,” just before he introduced Joe the Plumber to Mario the Builder (they didn’t seem to like each other), ranks up there with any Seinfeld episode…Wait- what? “Huckabee” is not a sitcom? Whatever, because Trump is totally funnier, and probably always has been. One, he’s from New York – that’s funny right there. People from New York are loud, maybe lack a touch of self-awareness, and have funny accents. Two, he has like millions and millions, if not billions, of dollars, yet he is an absolutely atrocious dresser - dark, billowy, pinstriped suits, with loud red ties!!! Haaa!!! I am a Power Player!!! Three, he got in to a feud with Jerry Seinfeld because Seinfeld didn’t want to play his son’s charity event because Trump is all over tv being funny about ‘investigating’ Obama’s birth certificate, and Trump goes, “I’m not disappointed that Jerry Seinfeld won’t do the charity event – I’m disappointed that I made an appearance on his failed tv show ‘The Marriage Ref,’ even though I knew it was terrible.” That’s intentionally funny (and true, by the way), so you are getting both intentional and unintentional comedy with Trump. Now that Obama has produced his (in my mind, fabricated) birth certificate, Trump is taking credit for that, claiming his media campaign made Obama give it up! And he’s probably right! And now I can sleep at night! Funny, and gets stuff done – he’s got my vote (so far). Now let’s see if he can get to the bottom of this Chris Bosh marriage thing.
Game One of Round Two is Sunday at 3:30. No more Jax, no more Eric Reid, no more Tony, by the way - we're national only from here on out - have a great offseason, boys! If you need me before then, I'll be growing my hair out, so I can comb it over, Trump-style. That's how we super-indie Birthers do it, boy! See you Sunday!!!
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Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Sixers 86 Heat 82 Heat lead series 3-1
6 Thoughts
1) As per usual in this series, Miami got down huge early, charged back, took control down the stretch, and...coughed it away at the end? Dwyane Wade let two Sixers get open threes on the biggest two defensive possessions of the game, and took a bad fallaway jumper with the game hanging in the balance. That's not how it's supposed to go. Give the Sixers credit - for ruining my week off. First game of Round 2 would have been Saturday; now there will another game against the Sixers Wednesday night. This is the time of the season I start praying for it to end, one way or another. Let's go, I guess...
2) You could blame this loss on a number of things, including just the law of averages, but one thing I know is: at some point, someone other than Dwyane and LeBron, and sometimes Bosh, is going to have to make a few shots. Mike Bibby was 0-6, all wide open and uncontested: he's been atrocious in this series. Zydrunas Ilgauskas: 0-3, including 2 layups. James Jones was 2-5, which is okay, but he passed up a late look to swing the ball to Mario Chalmers, who was 3-9, all of his makes coming in a second quarter flurry. Throw in an 0-2 for Joel, and that's 5-25 from the supporting group. That's horrific. And one of the frustrating things is to hear the chatter after the games of, "See, I told you they can't win with just three guys - you have to have role players." Hey, Dopey Media People: guess what? They thought of that! That's why they signed Udonis Haslem and Mike Miller. I'm sure if they had a crystal ball and knew neither of those guys would available most of the year, yes, maybe they would have tried someone else. It's tough to complain when you have Dwyane and LeBron - but today was one of those days when they could have used UD and Miller, because the other guys left are a step down. A big one...(side note: how would this team look if UD and Miller were healthy - that's 2 of the 5 guys they would have on the court at the ends of games - they would be the overwhelming favorite to win the title...Riley's off-season was perfect, except for the injuries...)
3) Yes, LeBron held the ball too long on a couple of possessions coming down the stretch. Yes, on the Heat's last possession, he drove, absorbed contact, and did not finish. Both those items are disappointing. At some point, on a final play, he is going to need to try to dunk the ball and make the defenders foul him so hard that he might - might - fall down, and get a call. But, for the most part, he was fabulous again today: 31 points, 7 rebounds, and 6 assists, with just 1 turnover. Just as important, he gives Miami so many quality minutes - it was the third time in four games he's played 43+ minutes, and the other game he played only 39 because it was a blowout. He does not come out in the second half of playoff games. He plays a ton of minutes at backup power forward since UD and Miller are both unavailable. His value to a team in a playoff series is ridiculous - if you have a guy who is always the best player on the floor, and he can play multiple positions, and dominate at both ends of the floor, and he never comes out of the game - you've really got something. I think this guy is going to work out okay.
4) I've sooooo had enough of Zydrunas Ilguaskas starting. It is not a coincidence that 3 of out 4 games in this series Miami has instantly been down double digits, and upon inserting Joel Anthony, is instantly back in the game. Then the second half starts with Z on the court, and Miami instantly gets behind again, and then Joel comes back in and Miami instantly recovers. Coach Spo - how many times does this have to happen before we switch it up? The Heat have switched starting centers like 35 times in 82 games - why is this the one time when we can't switch it up? I mean, these are the games that actually matter...I'm cool with Bibby starting and missing shots because I believe that eventually they will go in. But I don't believe that Z is suddenly going to morph into Hakeem Olajuwon and start blocking shots in the paint, and rebounding in volume, and moving his feet to get into proper defensive position. Especially when you are pairing him with Chris Bosh, it's like inviting the other team to go the rim early. I don't see any evidence that Screen du Damp didn't outplay Z over the course of the season - I know they are trying to keep him healthy for the Celtics series - at least I think that's the plan - but Z is really, really, really not playing well right now.
5) Before the game, hyper-jittery Sixers coach Doug Collins - an NBA lifer - went up to young Coach Spo, shook his hand, and told him, "Happy Easter - you're doing a great job - I admire you." Ok - your grace and dignity had me until the "I admire you" part. What kind of creepy thing is that for a 65 year old grandfather to tell a young man moments before a basketball game? How about just leaving it at the "Happy Easter - you're doing a great job" part. I think we were all good with that. Coach Spo looked suitably uncomfortable - what did Collins want him to say, "Oh, no - I admire you more - you're terrific?" Instead, Spo just kept his gaze on the floor, and saying "okay, okay, okay" over and over until Collins vacated his personal space.
6) Last year we talked about "African Head," now this: "Dumb Mouth." Not what they say (although that is also usually dumb) - just the shape of their mouths. It's something about the way their mouths turn down at the corners that makes them look like mouth-breathers. Dumb Mouth:
Well, we were looking at a well-deserved week's vacation - and, of course, my rest is what is most important - but instead we'll be playing Wednesday, trying to close out the Sixers again. If you need me before then, I'll be down at the immigration office in Miami, trying to see if there is any law which requires Zydrunas Ilgauskas to be deported, but just for the first quarter of playoff games. C U!
1) As per usual in this series, Miami got down huge early, charged back, took control down the stretch, and...coughed it away at the end? Dwyane Wade let two Sixers get open threes on the biggest two defensive possessions of the game, and took a bad fallaway jumper with the game hanging in the balance. That's not how it's supposed to go. Give the Sixers credit - for ruining my week off. First game of Round 2 would have been Saturday; now there will another game against the Sixers Wednesday night. This is the time of the season I start praying for it to end, one way or another. Let's go, I guess...
2) You could blame this loss on a number of things, including just the law of averages, but one thing I know is: at some point, someone other than Dwyane and LeBron, and sometimes Bosh, is going to have to make a few shots. Mike Bibby was 0-6, all wide open and uncontested: he's been atrocious in this series. Zydrunas Ilgauskas: 0-3, including 2 layups. James Jones was 2-5, which is okay, but he passed up a late look to swing the ball to Mario Chalmers, who was 3-9, all of his makes coming in a second quarter flurry. Throw in an 0-2 for Joel, and that's 5-25 from the supporting group. That's horrific. And one of the frustrating things is to hear the chatter after the games of, "See, I told you they can't win with just three guys - you have to have role players." Hey, Dopey Media People: guess what? They thought of that! That's why they signed Udonis Haslem and Mike Miller. I'm sure if they had a crystal ball and knew neither of those guys would available most of the year, yes, maybe they would have tried someone else. It's tough to complain when you have Dwyane and LeBron - but today was one of those days when they could have used UD and Miller, because the other guys left are a step down. A big one...(side note: how would this team look if UD and Miller were healthy - that's 2 of the 5 guys they would have on the court at the ends of games - they would be the overwhelming favorite to win the title...Riley's off-season was perfect, except for the injuries...)
3) Yes, LeBron held the ball too long on a couple of possessions coming down the stretch. Yes, on the Heat's last possession, he drove, absorbed contact, and did not finish. Both those items are disappointing. At some point, on a final play, he is going to need to try to dunk the ball and make the defenders foul him so hard that he might - might - fall down, and get a call. But, for the most part, he was fabulous again today: 31 points, 7 rebounds, and 6 assists, with just 1 turnover. Just as important, he gives Miami so many quality minutes - it was the third time in four games he's played 43+ minutes, and the other game he played only 39 because it was a blowout. He does not come out in the second half of playoff games. He plays a ton of minutes at backup power forward since UD and Miller are both unavailable. His value to a team in a playoff series is ridiculous - if you have a guy who is always the best player on the floor, and he can play multiple positions, and dominate at both ends of the floor, and he never comes out of the game - you've really got something. I think this guy is going to work out okay.
4) I've sooooo had enough of Zydrunas Ilguaskas starting. It is not a coincidence that 3 of out 4 games in this series Miami has instantly been down double digits, and upon inserting Joel Anthony, is instantly back in the game. Then the second half starts with Z on the court, and Miami instantly gets behind again, and then Joel comes back in and Miami instantly recovers. Coach Spo - how many times does this have to happen before we switch it up? The Heat have switched starting centers like 35 times in 82 games - why is this the one time when we can't switch it up? I mean, these are the games that actually matter...I'm cool with Bibby starting and missing shots because I believe that eventually they will go in. But I don't believe that Z is suddenly going to morph into Hakeem Olajuwon and start blocking shots in the paint, and rebounding in volume, and moving his feet to get into proper defensive position. Especially when you are pairing him with Chris Bosh, it's like inviting the other team to go the rim early. I don't see any evidence that Screen du Damp didn't outplay Z over the course of the season - I know they are trying to keep him healthy for the Celtics series - at least I think that's the plan - but Z is really, really, really not playing well right now.
5) Before the game, hyper-jittery Sixers coach Doug Collins - an NBA lifer - went up to young Coach Spo, shook his hand, and told him, "Happy Easter - you're doing a great job - I admire you." Ok - your grace and dignity had me until the "I admire you" part. What kind of creepy thing is that for a 65 year old grandfather to tell a young man moments before a basketball game? How about just leaving it at the "Happy Easter - you're doing a great job" part. I think we were all good with that. Coach Spo looked suitably uncomfortable - what did Collins want him to say, "Oh, no - I admire you more - you're terrific?" Instead, Spo just kept his gaze on the floor, and saying "okay, okay, okay" over and over until Collins vacated his personal space.
6) Last year we talked about "African Head," now this: "Dumb Mouth." Not what they say (although that is also usually dumb) - just the shape of their mouths. It's something about the way their mouths turn down at the corners that makes them look like mouth-breathers. Dumb Mouth:
Well, we were looking at a well-deserved week's vacation - and, of course, my rest is what is most important - but instead we'll be playing Wednesday, trying to close out the Sixers again. If you need me before then, I'll be down at the immigration office in Miami, trying to see if there is any law which requires Zydrunas Ilgauskas to be deported, but just for the first quarter of playoff games. C U!
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Heat 100 Sixers 94 Heat lead series 3-0
6 Thoughts
1) When you win the first two games of a playoff series at home, then go on the road to the other team's building, that's a gut check. You're going to get everything the other team has, the crowd is going to be jacked up, the refs are going to get excited, your own role players seem to shrink in big moments - can you stay the course for 48 minutes and win, and do you let it go? Tonight, Miami got all of that: a quick 9-0 jump out from Philly; a crowd going bananas; refs who allowed the Sixers to zone up and get physical on drivers; and a weak game from the Bibby/Chalmers backcourt combo. Good heavens - they even got a 9-15, 21 point 11 rebound night from Elton Brand's cadaver! But they hung in, and hung in, and hung in, and down the stretch it was too much Dwyane, and too much LeBron, and the Heat eased away to win somewhat comfortably in the last three minutes. Have a nice drive home, grouchy Philly people! Rocky is a loser!
2) At times during the regular season, the Big Three sometimes appeared a little "too cool for school." Sometimes a little disinterested in getting on the floor for loose balls, or defending hard every possession, or running the offensive sets all the way to the end. That they won 58 games is a testament to how good they are - they certainly didn't kill themselves. But there is none of that right now. LeBron, the main offender during the regular season, promised on the eve of the playoffs that he had another level: "You'll see," he said. He wasn't lying: 24 points and 15 rebounds tonight, with 10 free throws on charges to the basket. His main cover, Andre Iguodala had his third straight tough shooting night: 3-10. He also shifted to the 4 at times, and helped plant a 1-8 on Thaddeus Young. Made one huge layup down the stretch on, of all things, an off the ball hard cut and a delivery from Dwyane. He was big, he was physical, he played 44 hard minutes. Dwyane added 10 rebounds himself, to go with 32 points and 8 assists - he played hard, and was brilliant. Even Chris Bosh, who has often let slow starts take him completely out of games, started 1-7, but fought back to hit 7 of his last 12, including two huge baskets at the beginning of the fourth quarter to finally put Miami ahead for good, one of them an extra-effort, third-try tip in, in traffic, while being assaulted by Elton Brand. We can say for sure now: they had at least one more level of effort saved - we'll see if there's any more as the competition gets tougher.
3) Zydrunas Ilgauskas had 8 offensive rebounds, tying a Miami Heat playoff record. A good six of them were his own tips that he missed, and tipped the ball again, but it's still a record. Thirty years from now, some kid is going to be watching Sunsports, see LeBron James Jr. break Z's three decade-old playoff offensive rebounding record, and think to himself: "What an athlete that guy must have been! Zydrunas? Black guy, right?"
4) Coach Spo loves to stay the course. When Miami got down 9-0 early, he didn't change the rotation. When Bosh struggled mightily, he didn't reduce his playing time. Miami crawled back to down 2 by half, then scored the first 6 of the second half to go up 4, prompting an instant timeout from ultra-panicky Sixers coach Doug Collins. Except his timeout worked: the Sixers reeled off the next 12 to go back up 8, frustrating someone in Casa Dos, who may or may not have screamed, "Damn, Spo, this is the playoffs, you're allowed to use your timeouts to stop runs!" It wasn't M.Minutos, by the way...To get down 9-0, struggle all the way back, go up 4, then instantly be back down 8, felt like bad news. But you know what Spo did? Nothing. He stayed the course; it's a process!!! He stuck with his guys, didn't change his rotation, and was rewarded when Bosh scored the aforementioned huge hoops, and down the stretch, when Dwyane Wade, after getting most of his normal late third/early fourth quarter rest, was as fresh as a daisy and...
5) ...took the game over, including the game's biggest and best play, a monster one-handed tip slam off a missed LeBron jumper that pushed Miami's lead to 8 with 3:20 to go!!! Six offensive rebounds for Dwyane - that one was the loudest. He's won a lot of different playoff games in a lot of different ways: this might the first one he's won with a monster one-handed tip slam! Put it in the scrapbook!
6) Yo, what's the best opening to a television show ever? It's not close, and here it is:
Six Million Dollar Man - Intro (Opening Theme) by STARDUST72
When I was a little kid, this was the most exciting minute and twenty-five seconds of my life every time. "I can't hold altitude! I can't hold it, I can't hold it - she's breaking up!" The show itself sucked - I knew that even as a kid. But the opening still gives me chills, boy. I've watched it sixty-five times in the last two weeks after unsuccessfully trying to interest O. and P. Minutos in it. When I was in second grade at Lloyd H. Bugbee Elementary School in the rough neighborhood of West Hartford, Connecticut, this nerdy kid named Eric Levine steadfastly maintained that he, too, was bionic. Then someone at lunch would always be, like, "Prove it: break this table." Then he'd be, like, "I'm not allowed to show my powers." Then someone would shove him to the cafeteria floor, and be, like, "See - you're not bionic," but he wouldn't give it up, he'd just be like, "I could kill you if I wanted to, but I'm not allowed to use my powers in that way." Then someone else would drop pudding on him, and we'd all laugh, and laugh. We knew that motherfucker wasn't bionic! Then a whole bunch of us would get sent to the principal's office, then they'd call our moms, and then our moms would come pick us up in their Volvo station wagons. I imagine the principal figured our moms would punish us, but they didn't - it was a small town, everyone knew that kid was a putz...
Game 4 is Sunday. That's a big day because not only is it the day that our Lord the Savior Christ rose from his grave (I got that right, didn't I?), but it is also my birthday. Almost positive that this is the first time this has ever happened, and it's long overdue. I'm not Jesus - I'm not even bionic - but I do alright for myself. If you need me before then I'll be making O. and P. Minutos watch the opening to Fantasy Island on youtube over and over - something from the 70s will eventually stick..
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1) When you win the first two games of a playoff series at home, then go on the road to the other team's building, that's a gut check. You're going to get everything the other team has, the crowd is going to be jacked up, the refs are going to get excited, your own role players seem to shrink in big moments - can you stay the course for 48 minutes and win, and do you let it go? Tonight, Miami got all of that: a quick 9-0 jump out from Philly; a crowd going bananas; refs who allowed the Sixers to zone up and get physical on drivers; and a weak game from the Bibby/Chalmers backcourt combo. Good heavens - they even got a 9-15, 21 point 11 rebound night from Elton Brand's cadaver! But they hung in, and hung in, and hung in, and down the stretch it was too much Dwyane, and too much LeBron, and the Heat eased away to win somewhat comfortably in the last three minutes. Have a nice drive home, grouchy Philly people! Rocky is a loser!
2) At times during the regular season, the Big Three sometimes appeared a little "too cool for school." Sometimes a little disinterested in getting on the floor for loose balls, or defending hard every possession, or running the offensive sets all the way to the end. That they won 58 games is a testament to how good they are - they certainly didn't kill themselves. But there is none of that right now. LeBron, the main offender during the regular season, promised on the eve of the playoffs that he had another level: "You'll see," he said. He wasn't lying: 24 points and 15 rebounds tonight, with 10 free throws on charges to the basket. His main cover, Andre Iguodala had his third straight tough shooting night: 3-10. He also shifted to the 4 at times, and helped plant a 1-8 on Thaddeus Young. Made one huge layup down the stretch on, of all things, an off the ball hard cut and a delivery from Dwyane. He was big, he was physical, he played 44 hard minutes. Dwyane added 10 rebounds himself, to go with 32 points and 8 assists - he played hard, and was brilliant. Even Chris Bosh, who has often let slow starts take him completely out of games, started 1-7, but fought back to hit 7 of his last 12, including two huge baskets at the beginning of the fourth quarter to finally put Miami ahead for good, one of them an extra-effort, third-try tip in, in traffic, while being assaulted by Elton Brand. We can say for sure now: they had at least one more level of effort saved - we'll see if there's any more as the competition gets tougher.
3) Zydrunas Ilgauskas had 8 offensive rebounds, tying a Miami Heat playoff record. A good six of them were his own tips that he missed, and tipped the ball again, but it's still a record. Thirty years from now, some kid is going to be watching Sunsports, see LeBron James Jr. break Z's three decade-old playoff offensive rebounding record, and think to himself: "What an athlete that guy must have been! Zydrunas? Black guy, right?"
4) Coach Spo loves to stay the course. When Miami got down 9-0 early, he didn't change the rotation. When Bosh struggled mightily, he didn't reduce his playing time. Miami crawled back to down 2 by half, then scored the first 6 of the second half to go up 4, prompting an instant timeout from ultra-panicky Sixers coach Doug Collins. Except his timeout worked: the Sixers reeled off the next 12 to go back up 8, frustrating someone in Casa Dos, who may or may not have screamed, "Damn, Spo, this is the playoffs, you're allowed to use your timeouts to stop runs!" It wasn't M.Minutos, by the way...To get down 9-0, struggle all the way back, go up 4, then instantly be back down 8, felt like bad news. But you know what Spo did? Nothing. He stayed the course; it's a process!!! He stuck with his guys, didn't change his rotation, and was rewarded when Bosh scored the aforementioned huge hoops, and down the stretch, when Dwyane Wade, after getting most of his normal late third/early fourth quarter rest, was as fresh as a daisy and...
5) ...took the game over, including the game's biggest and best play, a monster one-handed tip slam off a missed LeBron jumper that pushed Miami's lead to 8 with 3:20 to go!!! Six offensive rebounds for Dwyane - that one was the loudest. He's won a lot of different playoff games in a lot of different ways: this might the first one he's won with a monster one-handed tip slam! Put it in the scrapbook!
6) Yo, what's the best opening to a television show ever? It's not close, and here it is:
Six Million Dollar Man - Intro (Opening Theme) by STARDUST72
When I was a little kid, this was the most exciting minute and twenty-five seconds of my life every time. "I can't hold altitude! I can't hold it, I can't hold it - she's breaking up!" The show itself sucked - I knew that even as a kid. But the opening still gives me chills, boy. I've watched it sixty-five times in the last two weeks after unsuccessfully trying to interest O. and P. Minutos in it. When I was in second grade at Lloyd H. Bugbee Elementary School in the rough neighborhood of West Hartford, Connecticut, this nerdy kid named Eric Levine steadfastly maintained that he, too, was bionic. Then someone at lunch would always be, like, "Prove it: break this table." Then he'd be, like, "I'm not allowed to show my powers." Then someone would shove him to the cafeteria floor, and be, like, "See - you're not bionic," but he wouldn't give it up, he'd just be like, "I could kill you if I wanted to, but I'm not allowed to use my powers in that way." Then someone else would drop pudding on him, and we'd all laugh, and laugh. We knew that motherfucker wasn't bionic! Then a whole bunch of us would get sent to the principal's office, then they'd call our moms, and then our moms would come pick us up in their Volvo station wagons. I imagine the principal figured our moms would punish us, but they didn't - it was a small town, everyone knew that kid was a putz...
Game 4 is Sunday. That's a big day because not only is it the day that our Lord the Savior Christ rose from his grave (I got that right, didn't I?), but it is also my birthday. Almost positive that this is the first time this has ever happened, and it's long overdue. I'm not Jesus - I'm not even bionic - but I do alright for myself. If you need me before then I'll be making O. and P. Minutos watch the opening to Fantasy Island on youtube over and over - something from the 70s will eventually stick..
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Monday, April 18, 2011
Heat 94 Sixers 73 Heat lead series 2-0
6 Thoughts
1) White Out in Miami! That's how we get down! White Out! It was a White Out, and it was over fast!!! Welcome to M.Minutos' life! White Out!!!
2) This game was over when LeBron James decided to come to Miami over the summer, because he took Andre Iguodala, the Sixers best player, a-part. 29 points, 7 rebounds and 6 assists with 0 turnovers for LeBron; 5 points on 2-8 with 5 turnovers for Iguodala. Although, to be fair, it still doesn't seem like LeBron is really "one of us." He still feels like a bit of an interloper, and we're all just waiting for him to go back where he belongs, to Cleveland. Someone - can't remember who - made the point last week: he'll feel like one of us when we go through some "moments" together. You have to suffer together, have to bleed together - that's when the bond gets formed...Until then, we're left to pick apart whether LeBron is or is not raising his headband higher and higher on his head to cover his receding hairline, a trend that M.Minutos has been tracking closely all season. She says she is, and I think she has finally talked me into it. She also has noticed that LeBron has a new playoff mouthpiece, emblazoned with his "6" on it...M.Minutos, very in tune with all things LeBron - maybe she has lived through one or two too many White Outs in her day, and she is starting to look around a little. And by "lived through one or two too many White Outs," I mean, of course, that "she enjoyed herself immensely and completely..."
3) Look, first there was Tilt Jermaino. That was Jermaine O'Neal's alter-ego, a high-energy, shot-blocking menace, who only emerged on the periodic occasions where Jermaino would take a whack or two to the face, usually from Dwight Howard. Now we have a new character: Playoff James Jones, or as M.Minutos calls him, P.J.J!!! Followed up his unusually active Game One with an even more unusually active Game Two. He came off a curl, caught the ball on the move and made a jumper! He went right off the dribble and made a step-back 18 footer with the shot clock expiring! He went middle, collapsed the defense, spit it to the wing, stepped back out beyond the arc up top, received a pass back against an over-rotated defense and dropped a triple! He grabbed 3 rebounds! He blocked a shot, a clear out against Iguodala which he slapped out of the air!!! Just think: it took Mike Miller breaking both his thumbs to unleash Playoff James Jones! Who even knew he existed?
4) A Tale of Two Announcers: When Joel Anthony stepped to the line in the second quarter, for the second straight game, the fans delighted in starting up an "M.V.P!" chant for him. As much crud as Miami fans take - most of it fair and deserved - this is creative, funny, and oddly supportive. Joel plays hard, and seems like a super guy, and something always - always - is going to happen when he is in the game. The chant is a joke - but it is a joke that Joel is in on, which makes it okay...unnnnless you are Heat play-by-play announcer Eric Reid. When Joel again stepped to the line later, with game having been decided (seemingly) hours earlier, the crowd broke out the chant again. Tony Fiorentino pointed it out, and Eric - in a game Joel played well in - in a playoff game that Miami ended halfway through the second quarter - grouched "I'm not sure I follow that." He was derisive! My heavens! Does everything always have to make sense in a literal manner? Can't we have some fun, too? Jeez...On the other hand, you know who is always fun? Heat sideline reporter-sidekick Johanna Gomez, who is spirited, delightful, informative, and always on top of her game, as I pointed out to M.Minutos throughout the season, and again tonight. "You didn't even hear what she said..." "She was talking?" Johanna Gomez - do you like White Outs? Because I- ahhh, never mind...
5) Well, it's that time of the blog when we criticize Elton Brand. For the second straight game he got destroyed by Chris Bosh - and that's saying something. That's 21 points on 9-13 with 11 rebounds for Chris (and 3 steals - most of them when Andre Iguodala threw the ball directly to him just to get it out of his hands before LeBron took it away from him); annnnnd, 3 points on 1-5 from Elton, along with 7 rebounds that he managed to grab when he was able to push enough guys over the baseline that he was the only player left in the paint. He, again, took several absurd fouls, two on Wade, one when he turned his back on Dwyane and tried to bump him over the sideline, except they were about 15 feet from the sideline so he had to keep riding him for like 4 seconds (after the whistle had blown); and another when Dwyane blew by him at the top of the key, and started to elevate, whereupon Brand just grabbed his arm and spun him completely around. It would be hard to call either of those "a basketball play." My new working theory is that he must be a super-nice and gracious guy both on and off the court, because he does a minimum of four things a night which, if done by anyone else in basketball, would generally start a bench-clearing brawl. He's super-dirty; but he's polite, and super-dirty!
6) Often at this time of year, people will be like, "So, what is Passover again?" And, being half-Jewish, I will usually try to answer. I know it has something to do with when someone painted blood '"x's" on somebody's door - one of the two groups almost assuredly were Jews - and then God would "pass over" those doors, or, maybe, the doors that didn't have "x's" painted on them. Also, not certain that the "x's" were painted in blood. And, also, not at all sure what they were getting passed over for, whether it was good or bad, but it was probably very significant one way or the other. This year, I'm just going to admit it: I have no idea what the holiday is. I do know that I like a peanut butter and jelly on matzoh sandwich, and that I long considered this a "healthy" meal, until my mom pointed out a couple of years ago that it is really not very healthy at all. Then again: she's not Jewish! I also know that when I would go to my Jewish grandparents' house for this holiday, all the kids would try to find a hidden piece of matzoh for a cash prize, and that on at least two occasions, I blatantly cheated. Listen, I'm no Alan Dershowitz-SuperJew , but I have my own little heritage going on...
Well, we're off until Thursday, when Miami plays in Philly for Game 3. Pat Riley often says that a playoff series doesn't truly start until the road team wins a game - let's hope we get one up there...Until then, if you need me - I'll be at home: WHITE OUT!!!
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1) White Out in Miami! That's how we get down! White Out! It was a White Out, and it was over fast!!! Welcome to M.Minutos' life! White Out!!!
2) This game was over when LeBron James decided to come to Miami over the summer, because he took Andre Iguodala, the Sixers best player, a-part. 29 points, 7 rebounds and 6 assists with 0 turnovers for LeBron; 5 points on 2-8 with 5 turnovers for Iguodala. Although, to be fair, it still doesn't seem like LeBron is really "one of us." He still feels like a bit of an interloper, and we're all just waiting for him to go back where he belongs, to Cleveland. Someone - can't remember who - made the point last week: he'll feel like one of us when we go through some "moments" together. You have to suffer together, have to bleed together - that's when the bond gets formed...Until then, we're left to pick apart whether LeBron is or is not raising his headband higher and higher on his head to cover his receding hairline, a trend that M.Minutos has been tracking closely all season. She says she is, and I think she has finally talked me into it. She also has noticed that LeBron has a new playoff mouthpiece, emblazoned with his "6" on it...M.Minutos, very in tune with all things LeBron - maybe she has lived through one or two too many White Outs in her day, and she is starting to look around a little. And by "lived through one or two too many White Outs," I mean, of course, that "she enjoyed herself immensely and completely..."
3) Look, first there was Tilt Jermaino. That was Jermaine O'Neal's alter-ego, a high-energy, shot-blocking menace, who only emerged on the periodic occasions where Jermaino would take a whack or two to the face, usually from Dwight Howard. Now we have a new character: Playoff James Jones, or as M.Minutos calls him, P.J.J!!! Followed up his unusually active Game One with an even more unusually active Game Two. He came off a curl, caught the ball on the move and made a jumper! He went right off the dribble and made a step-back 18 footer with the shot clock expiring! He went middle, collapsed the defense, spit it to the wing, stepped back out beyond the arc up top, received a pass back against an over-rotated defense and dropped a triple! He grabbed 3 rebounds! He blocked a shot, a clear out against Iguodala which he slapped out of the air!!! Just think: it took Mike Miller breaking both his thumbs to unleash Playoff James Jones! Who even knew he existed?
4) A Tale of Two Announcers: When Joel Anthony stepped to the line in the second quarter, for the second straight game, the fans delighted in starting up an "M.V.P!" chant for him. As much crud as Miami fans take - most of it fair and deserved - this is creative, funny, and oddly supportive. Joel plays hard, and seems like a super guy, and something always - always - is going to happen when he is in the game. The chant is a joke - but it is a joke that Joel is in on, which makes it okay...unnnnless you are Heat play-by-play announcer Eric Reid. When Joel again stepped to the line later, with game having been decided (seemingly) hours earlier, the crowd broke out the chant again. Tony Fiorentino pointed it out, and Eric - in a game Joel played well in - in a playoff game that Miami ended halfway through the second quarter - grouched "I'm not sure I follow that." He was derisive! My heavens! Does everything always have to make sense in a literal manner? Can't we have some fun, too? Jeez...On the other hand, you know who is always fun? Heat sideline reporter-sidekick Johanna Gomez, who is spirited, delightful, informative, and always on top of her game, as I pointed out to M.Minutos throughout the season, and again tonight. "You didn't even hear what she said..." "She was talking?" Johanna Gomez - do you like White Outs? Because I- ahhh, never mind...
5) Well, it's that time of the blog when we criticize Elton Brand. For the second straight game he got destroyed by Chris Bosh - and that's saying something. That's 21 points on 9-13 with 11 rebounds for Chris (and 3 steals - most of them when Andre Iguodala threw the ball directly to him just to get it out of his hands before LeBron took it away from him); annnnnd, 3 points on 1-5 from Elton, along with 7 rebounds that he managed to grab when he was able to push enough guys over the baseline that he was the only player left in the paint. He, again, took several absurd fouls, two on Wade, one when he turned his back on Dwyane and tried to bump him over the sideline, except they were about 15 feet from the sideline so he had to keep riding him for like 4 seconds (after the whistle had blown); and another when Dwyane blew by him at the top of the key, and started to elevate, whereupon Brand just grabbed his arm and spun him completely around. It would be hard to call either of those "a basketball play." My new working theory is that he must be a super-nice and gracious guy both on and off the court, because he does a minimum of four things a night which, if done by anyone else in basketball, would generally start a bench-clearing brawl. He's super-dirty; but he's polite, and super-dirty!
6) Often at this time of year, people will be like, "So, what is Passover again?" And, being half-Jewish, I will usually try to answer. I know it has something to do with when someone painted blood '"x's" on somebody's door - one of the two groups almost assuredly were Jews - and then God would "pass over" those doors, or, maybe, the doors that didn't have "x's" painted on them. Also, not certain that the "x's" were painted in blood. And, also, not at all sure what they were getting passed over for, whether it was good or bad, but it was probably very significant one way or the other. This year, I'm just going to admit it: I have no idea what the holiday is. I do know that I like a peanut butter and jelly on matzoh sandwich, and that I long considered this a "healthy" meal, until my mom pointed out a couple of years ago that it is really not very healthy at all. Then again: she's not Jewish! I also know that when I would go to my Jewish grandparents' house for this holiday, all the kids would try to find a hidden piece of matzoh for a cash prize, and that on at least two occasions, I blatantly cheated. Listen, I'm no Alan Dershowitz-SuperJew , but I have my own little heritage going on...
Well, we're off until Thursday, when Miami plays in Philly for Game 3. Pat Riley often says that a playoff series doesn't truly start until the road team wins a game - let's hope we get one up there...Until then, if you need me - I'll be at home: WHITE OUT!!!
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Saturday, April 16, 2011
Heat 97 Sixers 89 Heat lead series 1-0
6 Thoughts
1) Well, that's one down, three more to go. Miami came out lethargic, got down double digits in the first quarter, and then roared back into the lead. Sort of a boring game. Got a little loose down the stretch and let the Sixers back in it, but Dwyane Wade closed it out with big plays in the waning moments. That's how we do. LeBron's 1-0 in the playoffs with the Heat: Let's Go!!!
2) It's the beginning of a long journey - hopefully - for Dwyane and LeBron as teammates. Not just this season, but the next few seasons - they are going to be judged on their playoff performances, and will have successes and failures, hopefully grow together, and try to win a championship. Today was a tentative first step. Neither played particularly well: Dwyane got in to foul trouble, and finished with 17 points on 13 shots, with 7 boards and 5 assists. LeBron took only 14 shots himself, but pounded his way to the free throw line 14 times, scored 21 points. He dominated the defensive boards, and had 14 rebounds over all. They were cruising to an easy win despite their quiet games until, horribly, with about 5 minutes to go, the Heat reverted to their "stand-and-watch-LeBron-iso" offense, and came up empty several trips in a row. So with a couple of minutes to go, Dwyane took the ball, and did what Dwyane does. It's just the first game, and they won - let's see if they can figure out a way to be a little more cohesive as they go...
3) Miami came out flat and got down double digits right away. And who came to the rescue? Probably the league's best player, right - LeBron James? No? Oh, okay, probably the league's most dynamic player, Dwyane Wade, right? No? Chris Bosh had nice numbers (25 points with 11 free throws and 12 boards) - so it was probably him, no doubt, right? No? None of those? Who then? I'll you who...EMCEE CHALMERS!!! Heyyyyy!!! With the Sixers up 12 after one quarter, the Heat went zone, just to switch it up, and Rio got busy. His numbers won't show it, but he turned the game around - he was active in the zone, closing out on shooters, harassing post players, getting to loose balls first - and the Heat quickly got back in the game, culminated by an Emcee corner-catch-and-shoot three off a Dwyane Wade behind-the-back drive-and-dish. Emcee, who was playing the best ball of his career before straining his knee with a month to go in the season, is huge for this team: they play their best defense with him on the court, so if he can also limit his turnovers, and make open shots, he will be a big help.
4) Also providing unexpected help today: the city of Miami's own James Jones. In his 25 minutes, James: got an offensive rebound and putback at the rim; upfaked, dribbled by a defender, and made a pull-up jump shot; upfaked, put the ball on the floor towards the rim, drew a defender, and hit Chris Bosh for a wide open 15 footer. It isn't that he hadn't done all three of those things in a game this season; it's more like he hadn't done any one of things even one time in any game this season!!! He's been pacing himself! 9 points and 5 boards for JJ! Emcee and JJ: that's an unlikely duo of heroes for game one!
5) If whacking people in the face during a basketball game was a form of currency, Sixer power forward Elton Brand would be the Sultan of Brunei. Jesus, Joseph, and Shots-to-the face! Brand, who hasn't actually jumped since 2006, got Dwyane, Chris, and Jo-el, each hard, each unnecessary, and each in nose and eye area. The question right now isn't really who is going to win the series; it's more like whose nose is Elton Brand going to break first? Odds on favorite? Jo-el. Why? He's Jo-el. Get that mask ready...
6) Yo, dude - Lauryn Hill went crazy and that's a little sad. But not toooooo sad, 'cuz crazy girls are hot!!! She played last night at the Coachella festival in California. They have a super-cool live feed on youtube - I stayed up late to watch her, and she killed it. She may be crazy, but she's a star. I believe they call this "souuuul music!"
Game two is Monday night in Miami. If you need me before then, I'll be at Sports Authority buying a hockey mask in case I run into Elton Brand on South Beach. Let's go get it Monday!!!
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1) Well, that's one down, three more to go. Miami came out lethargic, got down double digits in the first quarter, and then roared back into the lead. Sort of a boring game. Got a little loose down the stretch and let the Sixers back in it, but Dwyane Wade closed it out with big plays in the waning moments. That's how we do. LeBron's 1-0 in the playoffs with the Heat: Let's Go!!!
2) It's the beginning of a long journey - hopefully - for Dwyane and LeBron as teammates. Not just this season, but the next few seasons - they are going to be judged on their playoff performances, and will have successes and failures, hopefully grow together, and try to win a championship. Today was a tentative first step. Neither played particularly well: Dwyane got in to foul trouble, and finished with 17 points on 13 shots, with 7 boards and 5 assists. LeBron took only 14 shots himself, but pounded his way to the free throw line 14 times, scored 21 points. He dominated the defensive boards, and had 14 rebounds over all. They were cruising to an easy win despite their quiet games until, horribly, with about 5 minutes to go, the Heat reverted to their "stand-and-watch-LeBron-iso" offense, and came up empty several trips in a row. So with a couple of minutes to go, Dwyane took the ball, and did what Dwyane does. It's just the first game, and they won - let's see if they can figure out a way to be a little more cohesive as they go...
3) Miami came out flat and got down double digits right away. And who came to the rescue? Probably the league's best player, right - LeBron James? No? Oh, okay, probably the league's most dynamic player, Dwyane Wade, right? No? Chris Bosh had nice numbers (25 points with 11 free throws and 12 boards) - so it was probably him, no doubt, right? No? None of those? Who then? I'll you who...EMCEE CHALMERS!!! Heyyyyy!!! With the Sixers up 12 after one quarter, the Heat went zone, just to switch it up, and Rio got busy. His numbers won't show it, but he turned the game around - he was active in the zone, closing out on shooters, harassing post players, getting to loose balls first - and the Heat quickly got back in the game, culminated by an Emcee corner-catch-and-shoot three off a Dwyane Wade behind-the-back drive-and-dish. Emcee, who was playing the best ball of his career before straining his knee with a month to go in the season, is huge for this team: they play their best defense with him on the court, so if he can also limit his turnovers, and make open shots, he will be a big help.
4) Also providing unexpected help today: the city of Miami's own James Jones. In his 25 minutes, James: got an offensive rebound and putback at the rim; upfaked, dribbled by a defender, and made a pull-up jump shot; upfaked, put the ball on the floor towards the rim, drew a defender, and hit Chris Bosh for a wide open 15 footer. It isn't that he hadn't done all three of those things in a game this season; it's more like he hadn't done any one of things even one time in any game this season!!! He's been pacing himself! 9 points and 5 boards for JJ! Emcee and JJ: that's an unlikely duo of heroes for game one!
5) If whacking people in the face during a basketball game was a form of currency, Sixer power forward Elton Brand would be the Sultan of Brunei. Jesus, Joseph, and Shots-to-the face! Brand, who hasn't actually jumped since 2006, got Dwyane, Chris, and Jo-el, each hard, each unnecessary, and each in nose and eye area. The question right now isn't really who is going to win the series; it's more like whose nose is Elton Brand going to break first? Odds on favorite? Jo-el. Why? He's Jo-el. Get that mask ready...
6) Yo, dude - Lauryn Hill went crazy and that's a little sad. But not toooooo sad, 'cuz crazy girls are hot!!! She played last night at the Coachella festival in California. They have a super-cool live feed on youtube - I stayed up late to watch her, and she killed it. She may be crazy, but she's a star. I believe they call this "souuuul music!"
Game two is Monday night in Miami. If you need me before then, I'll be at Sports Authority buying a hockey mask in case I run into Elton Brand on South Beach. Let's go get it Monday!!!
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Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Heat 97 Raptors 79
6 Thoughts
1) Miami sat Wade, LeBron, Bosh, and Miller, Eddie House scored 35 points, Jamal Magloire had 19 rebounds in 29 minutes, and the Heat blew out Toronto in a meaningless game to finish the season at 58-24. Juwan Howard dominated the last quarter of the game - if every team in the NBA was like Toronto, he'd be Tim Duncan...I watched Eddie House's 18 point first quarter, then mostly read Twitter with the game on in the background, so I don't know too much about what happened. For the last time in the regular season, let's go!
2) So, someone asked me the other day, “How have you enjoyed the season?” Well, for the most part, I hated it. You know why? Because I hate every season: it’s tortuous, there are so many losses that even in a good season, it’s depressing; I feel like I spend all my time watching basketball, and never have time to, like, read a book, or do anything else; and I can’t wait for it to end. You know what season I enjoyed? 1996-7 - I’m pretty sure that was the last one. That year, the Heat were this year’s Bulls, a team that came from out of nowhere, played unbelievably hard every night, were dubbed “The Road Warriors” by eternal Heat play-by-player Eric Reid, and won 61 games, before losing to pre-milky-eyed Michael Jordan and the Bulls in the Eastern Conference Finals. Also, I wasn’t yet married, I had no kids, and I could walk to the grocery store from my apartment, so Ms.Minutos and I walked over and got ice cream after every Heat victory (and there were a lot of them). Even the 2005-06 title season sucked because we had been to the conference finals the year before in 04-05, led 3-2 against Detroit, and then Dwyane Wade got hurt and we lost the series. So the 05-06 season was just 82 games of ennui waiting to get back to that same spot in the conference finals to see if we could push through...
3) So the Heat finished with 58 victories (their third most ever), the # 2 seed in the East, and the third best overall record in the NBA. This dumb website predicted 61 wins, and the top seed in the East, so we weren’t too far off. What does it all mean? First of all, you don’t want to denigrate 58 wins. It’s the franchise’s 7th season with 50+ wins in the last 15 seasons, so it doesn’t feel special, but it is a very good accomplishment. 50 wins, let alone 58, is quite a few. You know how many times the Clipper franchise has ever won 50? Zero. Zero times. Toronto: zero times. Washington (last 30 years, only): zero times. Memphis: one time. New Jersey: one time. Everyone should feel lucky that Pat Riley has built a really good product. On the other hand, some people thought this team could be a level better than they were, blow everyone off the court almost every time out, and end with 65-70 victories. Why didn’t that happen? Well, there were significant injuries: Wade missed all of the preseason, and was not healthy for the first month of the season when Miami started 9-8 – that’s probably a couple of wins right there. Udonis Haslem only played in 13 games – that would have been less of a problem if, one, his backup hadn’t been Juwan Howard, and, two, their other best big possessed all the toughness of a Chris Bosh – in fact, worse- he was Chris Bosh! Let’s say that’s a couple of wins right there. And Mike Miller – Jesus. He had enough injuries to fill up a season of E.R. He missed the first couple of months with a broken thumb – luckily, it was on his shooting hand. Then, when he started playing (with a giant brace on the right thumb), he suffered through a series of concussions that caused him to miss another couple of weeks. Then he bruised a knee, then he rolled an ankle, then he sprained his other thumb, and is now playing with braces on both hands. He played in 41 games, but only for a few minutes in a lot of them when he was either working his way back into the lineup, or leaving early because of injury. Again, this would be less of a problem if his replacement weren’t James Jones. That’s probably a couple of wins right there. Add those up: that’s 64. That’s a great season. On the other hand, every team has injuries and challenges. Further, what we realized as the season went on: this was not Dwyane Wade and LeBron James’ first time around the rodeo circuit. They played hard every night; but not hard every night. Dwyane’s won a championship and was the series MVP; LeBron has been on teams that played hard every night, and ended up with nothing to show for it. The longer the season went on, the more you realized that both guys could have cared less if they won 54, or 58, or 68 – they are only going to be judged by the postseason results anyways. So, would you like them to have played like the Bulls did, liked them to go out and give maximum effort every single night to see how many games they could have won in the regular season? Yes, certainly it would have been interesting. But, ultimately, it wouldn’t help you feel any better if they lose anyways to Boston in the second round of the playoffs in a couple of weeks. It is what it is – the season really starts right now…
4) Let’s give some grades, because we have never done that.
Dwayne Wade: A. He was great. He played great – he didn’t just play great, he changed his game, and was still great. He proved he could play off the ball and score just as much and just as efficiently, increased his rebounding to 6.4/game, which is unbelievably good for someone his size and with his offensive responsibilities, and defended solidly, at least since New Year’s...He remained the clear emotional leader of the team on the floor, and, at least in Miami, the face of the franchise, while also seeming to expertly defer just enough in those areas to make LeBron feel comfortable. I don’t use the word “wonderful” very often, because it is very gay-ish, but Dwyane had a wonderful season.
LeBron James: A-. He was also great, but maybe slightly less great than Dwyane, relatively-speaking. He is still, unquestionably, the most consistent and productive player in basketball – only Dwight Howard is even close. For years, from afar, I have contended that if you have one quarter you have to win, you probably want Kobe Bryant. If you have one game you need to win, you probably want Wade. But if you have one whole season to go through, LeBron is the clear choice. He directs the offense capably every night. He scores every night. He rebounds every night. He defends every night. He never gets too high, or too low – he just comes out and does what he does. Unlike Dwyane, however, he did not prove he could change his game easily. He tried to provide a post presence when Bosh struggled in this area (and/or missed games), but was mostly unable to – he is not at all fluid with his back to the basket. And he is only now starting to look decent playing off the ball. In future seasons, one would hope he gets better in those areas – people forget he is 26 or 27, and signed, along with Dwyane, for several more seasons. He was very, very, very good this season – he was probably the best player in the league again, so that’s pretty good…He also was the first player to the bench for virtually every timeout, exhorted innumerable people through various media and interpersonal relationships to "Let's Go" upwards of several hundred times, and as the season went on and his hairline receded more and more, he kept raising his headband to cover up its retreat. So, I think it’s fair to say, he was doin’ it all…
Chris Bosh: Well, for me he was an F-. Realistically, he was probably a C. There are a couple of things he does very well. One is shoot the ball. He is a really, really good shooter. Thus, when he sets up at the elbow, he has to be guarded, which allows him to either, one, drive to the basket (although he generally gets stripped on the way up), or two, allows Dwyane or LeBron – mostly Dwyane, frankly – to drive to the basket, since it takes one big away from the rim. Without his elbow presence, it would make the game far tougher for Wade. He also plays defense technically correct – he understands the rotations, and his responsibilities, and is rarely caught out of position. However, even when he gets to the correct spot defensively, he often allows himself to get bumped right off the correct spot by stronger players, or, even more infuriatingly, puts his hands up in the air like a double Statue of Liberty, and lets the offensive player – even guards - lay the ball in right next to him. Nothing drives me more insane than when he does that – some guys, like my friend Plumber, love a soft, one-dimensional big who plays like a small forward who constantly has five fouls. Personally, I hate it. I deeeee-spise it! Hit somebody, get in to foul trouble once in a while – do anything! So while I agree Chris Bosh is effective in certain areas of the game, and he seems like a reasonably nice kid, if he doesn’t butch up – significantly – at some point, he is going to go down in history as my least favorite basketball player of all-time. I’m not looking forward to watching him play in the ratcheted-up intensity and physicality of the playoffs. At all.
The centers (Z, Magloire, Joel Anthony, Screen du Damp): I‘m giving them a C+. Individually and collectively they are fairly awful, but they weren’t any worse than what you would expect out of them, if that makes any sense. Maybe even a tad better.
The point guards (Bibby and Chalmers): C. Bibby stands in one spot and is a reliable shooter (except against Atlanta, when he suddenly turns in to a land-locked, infinitelyslower Allen Iverson). Chalmers is like the marble in one of those four-sided maze games where you have to manipulate the levers on the side of the box to tilt the top to try to keep the marble from falling in to the holes. He lurches and lunges around the court, seemingly without a plan. Sometimes, he stumbles into a steal; other times, he stumbles into a guy who has released a three pointer a beat and a half earlier, creating a four point play. He actually defended on the ball a little better than he usually does over the second half of the season, which was helpful. He is a decent shooter, but doesn’t have a great understanding of offense. One hoped he really would progress this season with a better cast around him, but he is pretty much the same as always. This is not a position of strength for the Heat.
The shooters (Eddie House, James Jones, Mike Miller): D. They didn’t consistently make enough shots. They made shots – they just didn’t make enough shots. Miller provided other things when he was able to get on the floor – he’s a very good rebounder, and a solid defender – but they need him to make more shots. In fairness to him, as noted, he is playing with two broken thumbs, which isn’t ideal for a shooter…
Juwan Howard: Double F-. Any time he shoots or dribbles – any time he even steps on to the court – that’s a win for the other team's defense. Probably got ejected more times per minute than any player in the NBA this season. I guess that’s something.
Coach Spoelstra: B. He was fine, the team played hard enough, seemed to coexist well, was conscientious about playing defense properly, and he recycled all his favorite catch phrases from his first two seasons over and over again (“it’s a process;” “we have to grind;” “we will get through this, and learn, and get better,” etc, etc, etc, etc, etc). His hairdo is questionable – kind of a weird, combed-forward, center-part thing, with, unquestionably, the longest and thickest sideburns of any coach in the NBA - so you have to dock him half a grade for that. Also, if you have four centers, and they are all fairly atrocious, does it really matter who starts? Why were we constantly changing the starting center? Let’s just pick one fairly atrocious center to be the starter, and mix and match from there.
Dos Minutos: C. On the one hand, I skipped like 50 games in the middle of the season – that has to count against me. On the other hand, without me reverse-jinxing LeBron on to the team in the first place, we would have been a 44 win non-contender with no chance of advancing past the first round, again. Also, at least four to five times a game, I absolutely directly affect the outcome of a shot by saying – aloud – “oh, no” just as a Mario Chalmers or a James Jones gets ready to release, thereby reverse-jinxing the ball in to the basket. That’s 12-15 points a game. In a related story, I also won the NCAA championship for my beloved Connecticut Huskies when I realized halfway through the second half of the semifinal against Kentucky that I had moved where I was placing the book I was reading during timeouts, and allowing Kentucky to make a run back in to the game. I re-adjusted the book from the coffee table back to my lap, Connecticut regained control, moved on to the title game, and then won the championship – mostly because during the final game, I figured out that if I kept my hands folded in a certain way, Butler couldn’t score. The Captain points out that that maybe UConn’s defense also had something to do with it, and I certainly don’t discount that it was a factor, but the bottom line is that I won the championship.
5) Predictions:
Miami over Philly in 5
Boston over Knicks in 6
Orlando over Atlanta in 6
Chicago over Indiana in 4
Boston over Miami in 7 (all season I have believed that Baby Davis would end Miami’s season by ripping a rebound out of Chris Bosh’s hands and laying it back in the hoop at the most crucial of moments – obviously, that's still the most likely scenario)
Chicago over Orlando in 6
Chicago over Boston in 7
Lakers win the west. Lakers over Chicago in 6. When this happens, I'm calling Kobe Bryant the greatest player of all-time, since he will have equaled Michael Jordan's six titles, and frankly, while Michael Jordan is easily the best basketball player I have ever seen, it is embarrassing that such a jackhole is the best player ever. When Kobe Bryant is a more palatable option, that's really saying something...
6) I was describing to someone today how excited I am for the new Fast and Furious movie, which comes out later this month, and he was trying to make the point that the Fast and Furious franchise is antithetical to every thing I believe in, since – according to him – “you like movies in which nothing happens, like Lost in Translation.”
Three truths about the Fast and the Furious:
1) If you don’t like the Fast and Furious movies, you’re an idiot.
2) Paul Walker is dreamy, Vin Diesel is a roughneck, and if you like girls, I think there are some cute girls in it, too.
3) This specific Fast and Furious movie takes place in Rio de Janeiro, and all the previews feature that giant Jesus statue on top of the hill in Rio, which is pretty much the freakiest and scariest statue ever made, from what I can tell. I’m not saying because it is Jesus – Jesus is great, I love him – but giant statues, pretty much across the board, are terrifying. I still get freaked out every time I go to the Lincoln Memorial.
Okay, okay, okay - playoffs start Saturday at 3:30 in Miami against the Philadelphia 76ers. Looking forward to-it. If you need me before then, I'll be out in the parking lot, blowing donuts in my Prius. Sooner or later, I may end up in ditch somewhere......but not to-dayyy!!!!
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1) Miami sat Wade, LeBron, Bosh, and Miller, Eddie House scored 35 points, Jamal Magloire had 19 rebounds in 29 minutes, and the Heat blew out Toronto in a meaningless game to finish the season at 58-24. Juwan Howard dominated the last quarter of the game - if every team in the NBA was like Toronto, he'd be Tim Duncan...I watched Eddie House's 18 point first quarter, then mostly read Twitter with the game on in the background, so I don't know too much about what happened. For the last time in the regular season, let's go!
2) So, someone asked me the other day, “How have you enjoyed the season?” Well, for the most part, I hated it. You know why? Because I hate every season: it’s tortuous, there are so many losses that even in a good season, it’s depressing; I feel like I spend all my time watching basketball, and never have time to, like, read a book, or do anything else; and I can’t wait for it to end. You know what season I enjoyed? 1996-7 - I’m pretty sure that was the last one. That year, the Heat were this year’s Bulls, a team that came from out of nowhere, played unbelievably hard every night, were dubbed “The Road Warriors” by eternal Heat play-by-player Eric Reid, and won 61 games, before losing to pre-milky-eyed Michael Jordan and the Bulls in the Eastern Conference Finals. Also, I wasn’t yet married, I had no kids, and I could walk to the grocery store from my apartment, so Ms.Minutos and I walked over and got ice cream after every Heat victory (and there were a lot of them). Even the 2005-06 title season sucked because we had been to the conference finals the year before in 04-05, led 3-2 against Detroit, and then Dwyane Wade got hurt and we lost the series. So the 05-06 season was just 82 games of ennui waiting to get back to that same spot in the conference finals to see if we could push through...
3) So the Heat finished with 58 victories (their third most ever), the # 2 seed in the East, and the third best overall record in the NBA. This dumb website predicted 61 wins, and the top seed in the East, so we weren’t too far off. What does it all mean? First of all, you don’t want to denigrate 58 wins. It’s the franchise’s 7th season with 50+ wins in the last 15 seasons, so it doesn’t feel special, but it is a very good accomplishment. 50 wins, let alone 58, is quite a few. You know how many times the Clipper franchise has ever won 50? Zero. Zero times. Toronto: zero times. Washington (last 30 years, only): zero times. Memphis: one time. New Jersey: one time. Everyone should feel lucky that Pat Riley has built a really good product. On the other hand, some people thought this team could be a level better than they were, blow everyone off the court almost every time out, and end with 65-70 victories. Why didn’t that happen? Well, there were significant injuries: Wade missed all of the preseason, and was not healthy for the first month of the season when Miami started 9-8 – that’s probably a couple of wins right there. Udonis Haslem only played in 13 games – that would have been less of a problem if, one, his backup hadn’t been Juwan Howard, and, two, their other best big possessed all the toughness of a Chris Bosh – in fact, worse- he was Chris Bosh! Let’s say that’s a couple of wins right there. And Mike Miller – Jesus. He had enough injuries to fill up a season of E.R. He missed the first couple of months with a broken thumb – luckily, it was on his shooting hand. Then, when he started playing (with a giant brace on the right thumb), he suffered through a series of concussions that caused him to miss another couple of weeks. Then he bruised a knee, then he rolled an ankle, then he sprained his other thumb, and is now playing with braces on both hands. He played in 41 games, but only for a few minutes in a lot of them when he was either working his way back into the lineup, or leaving early because of injury. Again, this would be less of a problem if his replacement weren’t James Jones. That’s probably a couple of wins right there. Add those up: that’s 64. That’s a great season. On the other hand, every team has injuries and challenges. Further, what we realized as the season went on: this was not Dwyane Wade and LeBron James’ first time around the rodeo circuit. They played hard every night; but not hard every night. Dwyane’s won a championship and was the series MVP; LeBron has been on teams that played hard every night, and ended up with nothing to show for it. The longer the season went on, the more you realized that both guys could have cared less if they won 54, or 58, or 68 – they are only going to be judged by the postseason results anyways. So, would you like them to have played like the Bulls did, liked them to go out and give maximum effort every single night to see how many games they could have won in the regular season? Yes, certainly it would have been interesting. But, ultimately, it wouldn’t help you feel any better if they lose anyways to Boston in the second round of the playoffs in a couple of weeks. It is what it is – the season really starts right now…
4) Let’s give some grades, because we have never done that.
Dwayne Wade: A. He was great. He played great – he didn’t just play great, he changed his game, and was still great. He proved he could play off the ball and score just as much and just as efficiently, increased his rebounding to 6.4/game, which is unbelievably good for someone his size and with his offensive responsibilities, and defended solidly, at least since New Year’s...He remained the clear emotional leader of the team on the floor, and, at least in Miami, the face of the franchise, while also seeming to expertly defer just enough in those areas to make LeBron feel comfortable. I don’t use the word “wonderful” very often, because it is very gay-ish, but Dwyane had a wonderful season.
LeBron James: A-. He was also great, but maybe slightly less great than Dwyane, relatively-speaking. He is still, unquestionably, the most consistent and productive player in basketball – only Dwight Howard is even close. For years, from afar, I have contended that if you have one quarter you have to win, you probably want Kobe Bryant. If you have one game you need to win, you probably want Wade. But if you have one whole season to go through, LeBron is the clear choice. He directs the offense capably every night. He scores every night. He rebounds every night. He defends every night. He never gets too high, or too low – he just comes out and does what he does. Unlike Dwyane, however, he did not prove he could change his game easily. He tried to provide a post presence when Bosh struggled in this area (and/or missed games), but was mostly unable to – he is not at all fluid with his back to the basket. And he is only now starting to look decent playing off the ball. In future seasons, one would hope he gets better in those areas – people forget he is 26 or 27, and signed, along with Dwyane, for several more seasons. He was very, very, very good this season – he was probably the best player in the league again, so that’s pretty good…He also was the first player to the bench for virtually every timeout, exhorted innumerable people through various media and interpersonal relationships to "Let's Go" upwards of several hundred times, and as the season went on and his hairline receded more and more, he kept raising his headband to cover up its retreat. So, I think it’s fair to say, he was doin’ it all…
Chris Bosh: Well, for me he was an F-. Realistically, he was probably a C. There are a couple of things he does very well. One is shoot the ball. He is a really, really good shooter. Thus, when he sets up at the elbow, he has to be guarded, which allows him to either, one, drive to the basket (although he generally gets stripped on the way up), or two, allows Dwyane or LeBron – mostly Dwyane, frankly – to drive to the basket, since it takes one big away from the rim. Without his elbow presence, it would make the game far tougher for Wade. He also plays defense technically correct – he understands the rotations, and his responsibilities, and is rarely caught out of position. However, even when he gets to the correct spot defensively, he often allows himself to get bumped right off the correct spot by stronger players, or, even more infuriatingly, puts his hands up in the air like a double Statue of Liberty, and lets the offensive player – even guards - lay the ball in right next to him. Nothing drives me more insane than when he does that – some guys, like my friend Plumber, love a soft, one-dimensional big who plays like a small forward who constantly has five fouls. Personally, I hate it. I deeeee-spise it! Hit somebody, get in to foul trouble once in a while – do anything! So while I agree Chris Bosh is effective in certain areas of the game, and he seems like a reasonably nice kid, if he doesn’t butch up – significantly – at some point, he is going to go down in history as my least favorite basketball player of all-time. I’m not looking forward to watching him play in the ratcheted-up intensity and physicality of the playoffs. At all.
The centers (Z, Magloire, Joel Anthony, Screen du Damp): I‘m giving them a C+. Individually and collectively they are fairly awful, but they weren’t any worse than what you would expect out of them, if that makes any sense. Maybe even a tad better.
The point guards (Bibby and Chalmers): C. Bibby stands in one spot and is a reliable shooter (except against Atlanta, when he suddenly turns in to a land-locked, infinitelyslower Allen Iverson). Chalmers is like the marble in one of those four-sided maze games where you have to manipulate the levers on the side of the box to tilt the top to try to keep the marble from falling in to the holes. He lurches and lunges around the court, seemingly without a plan. Sometimes, he stumbles into a steal; other times, he stumbles into a guy who has released a three pointer a beat and a half earlier, creating a four point play. He actually defended on the ball a little better than he usually does over the second half of the season, which was helpful. He is a decent shooter, but doesn’t have a great understanding of offense. One hoped he really would progress this season with a better cast around him, but he is pretty much the same as always. This is not a position of strength for the Heat.
The shooters (Eddie House, James Jones, Mike Miller): D. They didn’t consistently make enough shots. They made shots – they just didn’t make enough shots. Miller provided other things when he was able to get on the floor – he’s a very good rebounder, and a solid defender – but they need him to make more shots. In fairness to him, as noted, he is playing with two broken thumbs, which isn’t ideal for a shooter…
Juwan Howard: Double F-. Any time he shoots or dribbles – any time he even steps on to the court – that’s a win for the other team's defense. Probably got ejected more times per minute than any player in the NBA this season. I guess that’s something.
Coach Spoelstra: B. He was fine, the team played hard enough, seemed to coexist well, was conscientious about playing defense properly, and he recycled all his favorite catch phrases from his first two seasons over and over again (“it’s a process;” “we have to grind;” “we will get through this, and learn, and get better,” etc, etc, etc, etc, etc). His hairdo is questionable – kind of a weird, combed-forward, center-part thing, with, unquestionably, the longest and thickest sideburns of any coach in the NBA - so you have to dock him half a grade for that. Also, if you have four centers, and they are all fairly atrocious, does it really matter who starts? Why were we constantly changing the starting center? Let’s just pick one fairly atrocious center to be the starter, and mix and match from there.
Dos Minutos: C. On the one hand, I skipped like 50 games in the middle of the season – that has to count against me. On the other hand, without me reverse-jinxing LeBron on to the team in the first place, we would have been a 44 win non-contender with no chance of advancing past the first round, again. Also, at least four to five times a game, I absolutely directly affect the outcome of a shot by saying – aloud – “oh, no” just as a Mario Chalmers or a James Jones gets ready to release, thereby reverse-jinxing the ball in to the basket. That’s 12-15 points a game. In a related story, I also won the NCAA championship for my beloved Connecticut Huskies when I realized halfway through the second half of the semifinal against Kentucky that I had moved where I was placing the book I was reading during timeouts, and allowing Kentucky to make a run back in to the game. I re-adjusted the book from the coffee table back to my lap, Connecticut regained control, moved on to the title game, and then won the championship – mostly because during the final game, I figured out that if I kept my hands folded in a certain way, Butler couldn’t score. The Captain points out that that maybe UConn’s defense also had something to do with it, and I certainly don’t discount that it was a factor, but the bottom line is that I won the championship.
5) Predictions:
Miami over Philly in 5
Boston over Knicks in 6
Orlando over Atlanta in 6
Chicago over Indiana in 4
Boston over Miami in 7 (all season I have believed that Baby Davis would end Miami’s season by ripping a rebound out of Chris Bosh’s hands and laying it back in the hoop at the most crucial of moments – obviously, that's still the most likely scenario)
Chicago over Orlando in 6
Chicago over Boston in 7
Lakers win the west. Lakers over Chicago in 6. When this happens, I'm calling Kobe Bryant the greatest player of all-time, since he will have equaled Michael Jordan's six titles, and frankly, while Michael Jordan is easily the best basketball player I have ever seen, it is embarrassing that such a jackhole is the best player ever. When Kobe Bryant is a more palatable option, that's really saying something...
6) I was describing to someone today how excited I am for the new Fast and Furious movie, which comes out later this month, and he was trying to make the point that the Fast and Furious franchise is antithetical to every thing I believe in, since – according to him – “you like movies in which nothing happens, like Lost in Translation.”
Three truths about the Fast and the Furious:
1) If you don’t like the Fast and Furious movies, you’re an idiot.
2) Paul Walker is dreamy, Vin Diesel is a roughneck, and if you like girls, I think there are some cute girls in it, too.
3) This specific Fast and Furious movie takes place in Rio de Janeiro, and all the previews feature that giant Jesus statue on top of the hill in Rio, which is pretty much the freakiest and scariest statue ever made, from what I can tell. I’m not saying because it is Jesus – Jesus is great, I love him – but giant statues, pretty much across the board, are terrifying. I still get freaked out every time I go to the Lincoln Memorial.
Okay, okay, okay - playoffs start Saturday at 3:30 in Miami against the Philadelphia 76ers. Looking forward to-it. If you need me before then, I'll be out in the parking lot, blowing donuts in my Prius. Sooner or later, I may end up in ditch somewhere......but not to-dayyy!!!!
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Monday, April 11, 2011
Heat 98 Hawks 90
6 Thoughts
1) We're the # 2 seed champs!!! Yeah, boy - we did it!!! # 2 seed champs!!! It's like 2006 all over again!!!...Let's go, like a # 2 seed!!!
2) Miami blew out to an early lead, put it in cruise control in the second half, Atlanta took out its starters, its reserves started playing hard and erased a 20 point Heat lead, then James Jones scored 7 points in two straight possessions to end the game. Coupled with a Philadelphia loss to Orlando, and Boston's loss to Washington (with Heat-embedded guard Carlos Arroyo 'missing' a jumper that could have won it for Boston - "awww - I thought I had it!"), Miami locked up the # 2 seed and a date with Philadelphia in the first round. This is the best scenario Miami could have hoped for at this late juncture. Definitely didn't want to play the Knicks in the first round because those games are never about basketball - it's all mental tricks and weird juju. And in the second round against Boston, Miami will have the homecourt advantage. Win those two series, if you can, and take your shot at Chicago. Could have been better - but as recently as 36 hours ago, it could have turned out quite a bit worse...
3) Mike Bibby: hating all over what the Atlanta Hawks did to him, which was, essentially, to suck the life out of him, and every other member of the Hawk organization over the past two decades. Bibs, normally the most motionless of offensive players, attacked the Hawk defense with panache and passion tonight. Okay, well- at least he dribbled towards the basket, pretty much for the first time as a member of the Miami Heat. Made an early layup, a reverse layup, then tried another reverse layup where he looked like Fred Flintstone spinning his wheels trying to get from the three point line to the rim before getting caught and smashed in the face by Zaza Pachulia (more on him in a second), and then, just to cap it off, made a floater. That's 10 points for Bibs, most of them coming on drives - for Bibs, that counts as an "I hate what they did to me" performance...
4) Play of the game: Obviously, when Zaza Pachulia drove to the basket with 3 minutes to go and made a layup while (mostly inadvertantly) elbowing Zydrunas Ilgauskas in the face to cut the Heat's lead to 1 point, whereupon Zydrunas took the ball out the net, turned around, and threw a fastball off Zaza's back as he was running away! Dorky-White-Foreign Off! That's an ejection for Z, one technical free throw for the Hawks to tie the game, and one more step forward for Zaza in his attempt to infuriate every active player in the NBA. Also, back-to-back games in which Miami players threw fastballs at opposing players - I think that's a new Heat record (in non-Heat vs. Knick games).
5) Call of the game: In the fourth quarter, LeBron James drove the lane, elevated, two Hawks converged on him, tried to block his shot by putting their hands on the ball, LeBron hung, powered it through them, and made the floater, while the whistle blew for the three point play. Except - no, not a three point play. One of the referees called a jump ball, which seemed somewhat impossible since, as LeBron, Coach Spo, and the rest of the Heat bench pointed out, LeBron made the shot. Odd - I mean, really, crazy odd - really, I have no explanation for it. As LeBron argued, it was hard to even imagine how the conversation would go: "I made the shot!" "I don't care - it's still traveling..." Again, sometimes you think you have seen everything, but, really, you haven't seen anything!
6) Most regular readers of this blog know that my mom is Christian and my dad is Jewish, making me what is known as "a halfbreed." The point is, I wasn't raised with too much religion, and there is almost no end to the religious stuff that I don't know. But I am pretty sure that when I was in a meeting last week, and a guy trying to make the point to me to not alter a certain parameter in a computer program I needed to use was way, wayyyy off base when he made his point by aggressively warning me: "Don't touch it. Treat it like the Holy Grail: you touch it, you die!" Now, I don't even know what the Holy Grail is, but I'm pretty sure that in the last Indiana Jones movie (the real Indiana Jones movies, not Shia LeBoeuf), the whole thing was that you had to take a leap of faith to get to the Holy Grail by stepping out into nothingness, and then magically a bridge appeared, and allowed you (or rather, Indiana Jones) to cross the bottomless chasm to this cup which was, I guess, the Holy Grail. And he didn't die. So I'm not sure that was a good comparison. And this dude goes to church, I've heard him talk about it! What is in the Holy Grail? I was thinking maybe it held Jesus's ashes (seriously), until I remembered that, one, I don't think there was anything in it when Indiana Jones got it, and, two, I don't think Jesus was cremated. Man, Judeo-Christian religions are complex!
Miami has a game on Wednesday in Toronto. I'd like to point out that even though I skipped a whole bunch of blog posts in the middle of the season due to a semi-nervous breakdown, I didn't skip any games during that time span, and missed only one all season, when I was on vacation in Puerto Rico, looking for the Holy Grail. Sooooo, when I get Wednesday, that will make two straight seasons of 81 out of 82 games - I've impressed myself, didn't know I had that kind of stick-to-it-tive-ness. Since Wednesday's game is totally meaningless, we'll spend that time maybe giving some year end awards and/or grades - don't think we've done that here before. If you need me before then, I'll be out front, throwing basketballs at my neighbors. May Peace Be With U!!!
1) We're the # 2 seed champs!!! Yeah, boy - we did it!!! # 2 seed champs!!! It's like 2006 all over again!!!...Let's go, like a # 2 seed!!!
2) Miami blew out to an early lead, put it in cruise control in the second half, Atlanta took out its starters, its reserves started playing hard and erased a 20 point Heat lead, then James Jones scored 7 points in two straight possessions to end the game. Coupled with a Philadelphia loss to Orlando, and Boston's loss to Washington (with Heat-embedded guard Carlos Arroyo 'missing' a jumper that could have won it for Boston - "awww - I thought I had it!"), Miami locked up the # 2 seed and a date with Philadelphia in the first round. This is the best scenario Miami could have hoped for at this late juncture. Definitely didn't want to play the Knicks in the first round because those games are never about basketball - it's all mental tricks and weird juju. And in the second round against Boston, Miami will have the homecourt advantage. Win those two series, if you can, and take your shot at Chicago. Could have been better - but as recently as 36 hours ago, it could have turned out quite a bit worse...
3) Mike Bibby: hating all over what the Atlanta Hawks did to him, which was, essentially, to suck the life out of him, and every other member of the Hawk organization over the past two decades. Bibs, normally the most motionless of offensive players, attacked the Hawk defense with panache and passion tonight. Okay, well- at least he dribbled towards the basket, pretty much for the first time as a member of the Miami Heat. Made an early layup, a reverse layup, then tried another reverse layup where he looked like Fred Flintstone spinning his wheels trying to get from the three point line to the rim before getting caught and smashed in the face by Zaza Pachulia (more on him in a second), and then, just to cap it off, made a floater. That's 10 points for Bibs, most of them coming on drives - for Bibs, that counts as an "I hate what they did to me" performance...
4) Play of the game: Obviously, when Zaza Pachulia drove to the basket with 3 minutes to go and made a layup while (mostly inadvertantly) elbowing Zydrunas Ilgauskas in the face to cut the Heat's lead to 1 point, whereupon Zydrunas took the ball out the net, turned around, and threw a fastball off Zaza's back as he was running away! Dorky-White-Foreign Off! That's an ejection for Z, one technical free throw for the Hawks to tie the game, and one more step forward for Zaza in his attempt to infuriate every active player in the NBA. Also, back-to-back games in which Miami players threw fastballs at opposing players - I think that's a new Heat record (in non-Heat vs. Knick games).
5) Call of the game: In the fourth quarter, LeBron James drove the lane, elevated, two Hawks converged on him, tried to block his shot by putting their hands on the ball, LeBron hung, powered it through them, and made the floater, while the whistle blew for the three point play. Except - no, not a three point play. One of the referees called a jump ball, which seemed somewhat impossible since, as LeBron, Coach Spo, and the rest of the Heat bench pointed out, LeBron made the shot. Odd - I mean, really, crazy odd - really, I have no explanation for it. As LeBron argued, it was hard to even imagine how the conversation would go: "I made the shot!" "I don't care - it's still traveling..." Again, sometimes you think you have seen everything, but, really, you haven't seen anything!
6) Most regular readers of this blog know that my mom is Christian and my dad is Jewish, making me what is known as "a halfbreed." The point is, I wasn't raised with too much religion, and there is almost no end to the religious stuff that I don't know. But I am pretty sure that when I was in a meeting last week, and a guy trying to make the point to me to not alter a certain parameter in a computer program I needed to use was way, wayyyy off base when he made his point by aggressively warning me: "Don't touch it. Treat it like the Holy Grail: you touch it, you die!" Now, I don't even know what the Holy Grail is, but I'm pretty sure that in the last Indiana Jones movie (the real Indiana Jones movies, not Shia LeBoeuf), the whole thing was that you had to take a leap of faith to get to the Holy Grail by stepping out into nothingness, and then magically a bridge appeared, and allowed you (or rather, Indiana Jones) to cross the bottomless chasm to this cup which was, I guess, the Holy Grail. And he didn't die. So I'm not sure that was a good comparison. And this dude goes to church, I've heard him talk about it! What is in the Holy Grail? I was thinking maybe it held Jesus's ashes (seriously), until I remembered that, one, I don't think there was anything in it when Indiana Jones got it, and, two, I don't think Jesus was cremated. Man, Judeo-Christian religions are complex!
Miami has a game on Wednesday in Toronto. I'd like to point out that even though I skipped a whole bunch of blog posts in the middle of the season due to a semi-nervous breakdown, I didn't skip any games during that time span, and missed only one all season, when I was on vacation in Puerto Rico, looking for the Holy Grail. Sooooo, when I get Wednesday, that will make two straight seasons of 81 out of 82 games - I've impressed myself, didn't know I had that kind of stick-to-it-tive-ness. Since Wednesday's game is totally meaningless, we'll spend that time maybe giving some year end awards and/or grades - don't think we've done that here before. If you need me before then, I'll be out front, throwing basketballs at my neighbors. May Peace Be With U!!!
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Heat 100 Celtics 77
6 Thoughts
1) Look, it's one semi-meaningless game out of 82 semi-meanngless games. It doesn't mean Miami will beat Boston in the playoffs, and it doesn't mean they won't. But, in a season filled with tough losses - and when everyone makes every game a referendum on the future of your franchise, any loss is annoying - this was NOT a loss...IN FACT, IT WAS A BLOWOUT WIN!!! SUCK IT, CELTICS! M.Minutos said it best: "Today, all I cared about was beating them." Mission accomplished. Two more games, and then the playoffs start. So let's go, and go, and go, and go - since that's how we did it to the Celtics today!
2) The best thing that Miami can do against Boston is turn the game into a scramble. Make the game go fast, run Ray Allen off the three point line, contest without fouling, and then REBOUND! The first three times these two teams met, Miami got walked into a big deficit, before finding energy and charging late. Today Miami got down 9 quickly (again), before righting itself and playing a discliplined, but highly energetic, defensive game. Never let Boston get comfortable in their offensive sets for long stretches. Boston's four quarters, offensively: 22, 18, 19 18. And most importantly, Miami allowed only 3 offensive rebounds all day, while getting 15 of their own. Dwyane Wade only had 14 points on 12 shots, but he had 8 assists, and kept Ray Allen under control all day, including one chase-down transition block that essentially ended the game. LeBron was rock solid with 27, 7, and 5, and you could see him gaining confidence as the day went on. The Celtics' final numbers looked better than their performance on the court: they ended up at 45% (compared to Miami's 51%), but they looked outquicked, and out of sorts, all day.
3) So LeBron was super-solid, but Dwyane was quiet offensively; Bosh was efficient, but Mike Bibby only made 2-10, and Mike Miller missed the second half with another injury (sprained left thumb). So someone must have picked up the slack, someone must have stepped forward and made an impact. And some-one d-id: Jo-el An-th-ony!!! 7 points and 10 boards for Jo-el, along with about a dozen strong, strong shot contests at the rim. There may have been some (even more) meaningless game in Toronto on a Wednesday night at some point when he played better, but in games of any consequence, this was his best Heat performance. It helps that this verson of Boston is much smaller than other recent versions of Boston. With Kendrick Perkins being traded out of town, and Shaquille O'Neal on the Mike Miller injury schedule, Boston is no longer big up front, and that allows Jo-el to play. He can't shove with Shaq, or Perkins, but he can affect Baby Davis, Jermaine O'Neal (more on him in a second), and Jeff Green with his length and athleticism...I'm not going to lie to you and tell you Jo-el was the best player on the court today - that would be untrue. It was LeBron. And he probably wasn't better than Wade, and, actually, Pierce shot the ball pretty effectively. But then, after those guys, yes, Jo-el was the best player on the court!
4) Oh, Jermaino! No one defended your Heat career more than this blog, even after you took multiple "vacations" each season, even if you rebounded with all the effectiveness of Jermaino Jackson, even when you didn't show up - either year - in the playoffs. And now this: with the Heat starting to pull away from Boston in the second quarter, and LeBron in transition, Jermaino came across the court to try to catch him, but instead of trying to contest his shot, he unexpectedly lowered his shoulder and delivered a full-on body check to LeBron, which one Heat fan referred to as the Celtics reverting to their "Doucheball" game. It was a bizarrely inappropriate basketball play, probably ejectable, although Jermaino only received a flagrant one, and in fairness, it barely affected LeBron, who absorbed the blow, then threw the ball at Jermaino who had gotten knocked over the baseline by the impact. Also led to a mild skirmish between Wade and Pierce, and some seriously chippy play over the next several minutes. It was quite a way to thank this blog for the way we coddled you, Jermaino...But you know what? I just can't quit you - I forgive you, Jermaino! Although, you know who is NOT going to forgive you? Our reader Snets, who essentially emailed me on Friday to say, "I hate Jermaine O'Neal," to which I replied, essentially, "Why," to which he responded, essentially, "Because he is a punk and he never showed up big here!" Wish I saved those emails - I get a lot of emails...
5) Play of the game: Well, there were several exciting dunks, including perhaps the first-ever successful alley-oop thrown by Mario Chalmers, and there were monster blocks by both Dwyane and LeBron. But, if you know this blog at all, you know by far the best play of the game came late in the fourth quarter, with the outcome no longer in doubt, when Paul Pierce, the unabashed master of the okey-doke, okey-doked Chris Bosh into the air on a shot fake, let Bosh fly by him, realized Bosh was now behind him, and turned around, jumped in to Bosh, and shot the ball towards his own basket, trying to get a foul call!!! The ball went about a foot into the air, right to Bosh, who, stunned, caught it and turned up court. In fairness, it might have been a foul, although it would have been a tough call to make because Pierce was shooting the ball in the wrong direction!!! Sometimes you think you have seen everything, but you haven't. Not even close!
6) New owner of the Detroit Pistons, Tom Gores:
Heyyy, quite a mane, fella!!! Yes, I would like to get "coffee" some time!!!
Okay, turnaround road game in Atlanta tomorrow night, so we can lose the # 2 seed right back to Boston. If you need me during the day tomorrow, I'll be having, ahhhh, coffee, with Tom Gores. C u l8ter!
-----
1) Look, it's one semi-meaningless game out of 82 semi-meanngless games. It doesn't mean Miami will beat Boston in the playoffs, and it doesn't mean they won't. But, in a season filled with tough losses - and when everyone makes every game a referendum on the future of your franchise, any loss is annoying - this was NOT a loss...IN FACT, IT WAS A BLOWOUT WIN!!! SUCK IT, CELTICS! M.Minutos said it best: "Today, all I cared about was beating them." Mission accomplished. Two more games, and then the playoffs start. So let's go, and go, and go, and go - since that's how we did it to the Celtics today!
2) The best thing that Miami can do against Boston is turn the game into a scramble. Make the game go fast, run Ray Allen off the three point line, contest without fouling, and then REBOUND! The first three times these two teams met, Miami got walked into a big deficit, before finding energy and charging late. Today Miami got down 9 quickly (again), before righting itself and playing a discliplined, but highly energetic, defensive game. Never let Boston get comfortable in their offensive sets for long stretches. Boston's four quarters, offensively: 22, 18, 19 18. And most importantly, Miami allowed only 3 offensive rebounds all day, while getting 15 of their own. Dwyane Wade only had 14 points on 12 shots, but he had 8 assists, and kept Ray Allen under control all day, including one chase-down transition block that essentially ended the game. LeBron was rock solid with 27, 7, and 5, and you could see him gaining confidence as the day went on. The Celtics' final numbers looked better than their performance on the court: they ended up at 45% (compared to Miami's 51%), but they looked outquicked, and out of sorts, all day.
3) So LeBron was super-solid, but Dwyane was quiet offensively; Bosh was efficient, but Mike Bibby only made 2-10, and Mike Miller missed the second half with another injury (sprained left thumb). So someone must have picked up the slack, someone must have stepped forward and made an impact. And some-one d-id: Jo-el An-th-ony!!! 7 points and 10 boards for Jo-el, along with about a dozen strong, strong shot contests at the rim. There may have been some (even more) meaningless game in Toronto on a Wednesday night at some point when he played better, but in games of any consequence, this was his best Heat performance. It helps that this verson of Boston is much smaller than other recent versions of Boston. With Kendrick Perkins being traded out of town, and Shaquille O'Neal on the Mike Miller injury schedule, Boston is no longer big up front, and that allows Jo-el to play. He can't shove with Shaq, or Perkins, but he can affect Baby Davis, Jermaine O'Neal (more on him in a second), and Jeff Green with his length and athleticism...I'm not going to lie to you and tell you Jo-el was the best player on the court today - that would be untrue. It was LeBron. And he probably wasn't better than Wade, and, actually, Pierce shot the ball pretty effectively. But then, after those guys, yes, Jo-el was the best player on the court!
4) Oh, Jermaino! No one defended your Heat career more than this blog, even after you took multiple "vacations" each season, even if you rebounded with all the effectiveness of Jermaino Jackson, even when you didn't show up - either year - in the playoffs. And now this: with the Heat starting to pull away from Boston in the second quarter, and LeBron in transition, Jermaino came across the court to try to catch him, but instead of trying to contest his shot, he unexpectedly lowered his shoulder and delivered a full-on body check to LeBron, which one Heat fan referred to as the Celtics reverting to their "Doucheball" game. It was a bizarrely inappropriate basketball play, probably ejectable, although Jermaino only received a flagrant one, and in fairness, it barely affected LeBron, who absorbed the blow, then threw the ball at Jermaino who had gotten knocked over the baseline by the impact. Also led to a mild skirmish between Wade and Pierce, and some seriously chippy play over the next several minutes. It was quite a way to thank this blog for the way we coddled you, Jermaino...But you know what? I just can't quit you - I forgive you, Jermaino! Although, you know who is NOT going to forgive you? Our reader Snets, who essentially emailed me on Friday to say, "I hate Jermaine O'Neal," to which I replied, essentially, "Why," to which he responded, essentially, "Because he is a punk and he never showed up big here!" Wish I saved those emails - I get a lot of emails...
5) Play of the game: Well, there were several exciting dunks, including perhaps the first-ever successful alley-oop thrown by Mario Chalmers, and there were monster blocks by both Dwyane and LeBron. But, if you know this blog at all, you know by far the best play of the game came late in the fourth quarter, with the outcome no longer in doubt, when Paul Pierce, the unabashed master of the okey-doke, okey-doked Chris Bosh into the air on a shot fake, let Bosh fly by him, realized Bosh was now behind him, and turned around, jumped in to Bosh, and shot the ball towards his own basket, trying to get a foul call!!! The ball went about a foot into the air, right to Bosh, who, stunned, caught it and turned up court. In fairness, it might have been a foul, although it would have been a tough call to make because Pierce was shooting the ball in the wrong direction!!! Sometimes you think you have seen everything, but you haven't. Not even close!
6) New owner of the Detroit Pistons, Tom Gores:
Heyyy, quite a mane, fella!!! Yes, I would like to get "coffee" some time!!!
Okay, turnaround road game in Atlanta tomorrow night, so we can lose the # 2 seed right back to Boston. If you need me during the day tomorrow, I'll be having, ahhhh, coffee, with Tom Gores. C u l8ter!
-----
Friday, April 8, 2011
Heat 112 Bobcats 103
6 Thoughts
1) It's Friday night, it's late because I got sucked in to a documentary on Foo Fighters after the game (more on that in #5), it was a dull win against, essentially, a D League team, without much pride taken at the defensive end. With the win, Miami stays even with Boston in the standings, meaning the showdown with the Celtics on Sunday in Miami could well decide the second seed, and who will have the home court advantage in the second round series, for whatever that's worth (for me: not much, but you might as well try to get it). We're blowing through 4 quick game points, reviewing the Foo Fighters' career in #5, and then answering some reader email at #6. Let get it!
2) The most important thing about the game was that Dwyane Wade was back after missing a game with a bruised thigh. He looked fine, physically - sliced his way to the free throw line, and scored 27 points on only 12 shots. We'll talk more about this next week, but Miami is only going as far in these upcoming playoffs as Dwyane carries them. When you play Boston and Chicago, superior defensive teams, individual creativity and shot-making is essential to grind out enough points to win - those aren't LeBron's fortes. Plumber and I have a long-standing theory: some guys on your team, they may not be the best player, they may not be the most efficient player, but they are guys that get you to the end of games - they get their 16 or 18 points, somehow, even inefficiently, and then, at winning time, your best player can take over. For Miami, as absurd as it is, LeBron is one of those guys (partially because we don't have anyone else on the team who can do it). He is the best ever at that - he doesn't get you 18, he gets you 26, and 8 boards, and 7 assists. But down the stretch, he is uncreative, and indecisive, and there isn't a Heat fan alive who doesn't want to see Dwyane with the ball at the end of fourth quarters. I just want to be clear with you, LeBron: this kid won a title for us - in this city, that's just how we do it, we give the ball to Dwyane. LeBron: get us to the fourth quarter close, and give the ball to Dwyane. I don't mind losing, but I don't want to lose with LeBron making crucial decisions instead of Dwyane - that would be excruciating...
3) Chris Bosh's numbers were ridiculously gaudy for a guy whom I thought played a bad game: 27 points and 10 boards on 9-14. I may have crossed over the line with him - nothing he does will ever seem sufficient to me; even if we win a title, I'll find something to complain about with him, simply because I hate bigs who don't play big. On the other hand, I wasn't the one claiming that it was the best game that Charlotte center Kwame Brown had ever played in his 10 year bust of an NBA career - that was Tony and Eric. Kwame went for 23 and 13 on 10-15 shooting. Charlotte was at the rim all night making plays because Miami's defensive intensity was cranked to about a 2. That wasn't only Chris' fault...but he wasn't helping. Just to get off his case, I'm going to try not to mention him anymore. When he shows up big in a tight spot, I'll give him the credit...but I'm not going to continue to point out every night how soft he is - I don't have that many gigabyte-rams on my computer, frankly.
4) Mike Bibby may be the most chill character ever to play for the Heat. He is unaffected - and perhaps, at times, simply unaware - at much of life swirling around him. For instance, when his college team, Arizona, was on the cusp of the Final Four, he professed not to know that they were still playing. When the Milwaukee game on Wednesday was swung by a big no-call on an elbow from Andrew Bogut to his head, after the game, when asked about it, Bibby said, "It was physical out there - what do you want me to say?" And when he gets isolated on defense in space - and that happens a lot - when the offensive player starts throwing fakes at him, he stands there serenely, non-responsive, making him perhaps my favorite Heat defender of all-time (right up until the time when the guy actually starts to dribble by him, and he still doesn't move). Tonight, in the second quarter, on a baseline inbounds play, LeBron James made a hard cut middle, Mario Chalmers lofted a pass skyward towards the rim, and LeBron caught it in full-flight with one hand, and POWER-SLAMMED it in with a windmill jam, causing the whole Heat bench to erupt with excitement! I mean, causing the whole Heat bench, except Mike Bibby, to erupt with excitement! Bibby sat quietly watching it, drinking water from a bottle, and never even raised an eyebrow. Listen, bruh, if you think Mike Bibby hasn't seen a one-armed-tomahawk-dunk-off-an-inbounds-pass or two in his day...
5) As I said, I watched a Foo Fighters documentary after the game. I like Foo Fighters. Like, I don't listen to their albums or anything, but if I hear one of their songs, I enjoy it, and Dave Grohl is like a real American rock star who has had an amazing career. Foo Fighters is one of the few musical issues about which Thor and I (we are the two aging dudes you see at the clubs watching cool shows) disagree. He thinks they are hack-y, but I think he is just bitter because Midnight Oil never really made it big in America...Things we learned tonight about Dave Grohl: he kicked people out of his band or they left his band usually because he was re-playing their drum parts on the records, just like Smashing Pumpkins and Billy Corgan - the only difference is that Dave Grohl pretended to feel bad about it. He has a giant leaf tattoo running the length of each forearm: rad. Finally, he may have had more haircuts than any rock star ever. He had a long, feathered look that I like to call "the gay boy;" he had Beatles-type bangs; he went short for a while; he went beard, no beard, and several different sideburn configurations; and he has now settled in to a long-but-parted-with-beard look, kind of a Gregg Allman-y thing. Seems like a good time to mention that today, for the 100th time, someone, unsolicited, pointed out that I have "kind of a Jason Statham thing going on." Yes, I am white, balding, and my hair is shaved low. I am not English, but I do look great in a tight shirt. Thanks for noticing. Of course, I would prefer Vin Diesel, but I'm a straight up white boy, and he's just trying to pass...
6) Okay, we have been getting a ton of questions this last week or two. I’m sorry if we don’t get to yours quickly, we are really trying to take the more urgent, life-threatening type ones first. It is gratifying to know how much value readers put into this blog as a problem-solving vehicle – obviously, that’s one of its most important functions.
Today’s question is from our reader D.S.:
Ok, my question: Can a woman I just met be put on the approved list when she informs me that she uses one of those CPAC jet fighter masks and that she snored the siding off her house? I’m having one of those “What would Jesus do” moments, and I don’t think I’m going to heaven……. Do you have an opinion?
My initial reaction: What? What the hell kind of question is that? I don’t understand it at all…Do you mean that you like her, and she likes you, but she has some severe form of, like, sleep apnea, and that she has to sleep with a mask on? If that is your question, then my answer is: Of course, go for it! Freaky sleep-apnea sex is awesome! One time I had a relationship with a girl suffering from diverticulitis, but it never got past the heavy petting stage because she got hospitalized, and I bailed. If your question is actually something else, you’re going to have to re-ask it, because I can’t figure it out…
Meaningful game Sunday against the Celtics. If you need me before then, I'll be not going to R.Minutos' Giant Cookie and Taco Bake-Off because I have a previously-scheduled obligation - as far as you know. Cheeeeeeerrrrs!
1) It's Friday night, it's late because I got sucked in to a documentary on Foo Fighters after the game (more on that in #5), it was a dull win against, essentially, a D League team, without much pride taken at the defensive end. With the win, Miami stays even with Boston in the standings, meaning the showdown with the Celtics on Sunday in Miami could well decide the second seed, and who will have the home court advantage in the second round series, for whatever that's worth (for me: not much, but you might as well try to get it). We're blowing through 4 quick game points, reviewing the Foo Fighters' career in #5, and then answering some reader email at #6. Let get it!
2) The most important thing about the game was that Dwyane Wade was back after missing a game with a bruised thigh. He looked fine, physically - sliced his way to the free throw line, and scored 27 points on only 12 shots. We'll talk more about this next week, but Miami is only going as far in these upcoming playoffs as Dwyane carries them. When you play Boston and Chicago, superior defensive teams, individual creativity and shot-making is essential to grind out enough points to win - those aren't LeBron's fortes. Plumber and I have a long-standing theory: some guys on your team, they may not be the best player, they may not be the most efficient player, but they are guys that get you to the end of games - they get their 16 or 18 points, somehow, even inefficiently, and then, at winning time, your best player can take over. For Miami, as absurd as it is, LeBron is one of those guys (partially because we don't have anyone else on the team who can do it). He is the best ever at that - he doesn't get you 18, he gets you 26, and 8 boards, and 7 assists. But down the stretch, he is uncreative, and indecisive, and there isn't a Heat fan alive who doesn't want to see Dwyane with the ball at the end of fourth quarters. I just want to be clear with you, LeBron: this kid won a title for us - in this city, that's just how we do it, we give the ball to Dwyane. LeBron: get us to the fourth quarter close, and give the ball to Dwyane. I don't mind losing, but I don't want to lose with LeBron making crucial decisions instead of Dwyane - that would be excruciating...
3) Chris Bosh's numbers were ridiculously gaudy for a guy whom I thought played a bad game: 27 points and 10 boards on 9-14. I may have crossed over the line with him - nothing he does will ever seem sufficient to me; even if we win a title, I'll find something to complain about with him, simply because I hate bigs who don't play big. On the other hand, I wasn't the one claiming that it was the best game that Charlotte center Kwame Brown had ever played in his 10 year bust of an NBA career - that was Tony and Eric. Kwame went for 23 and 13 on 10-15 shooting. Charlotte was at the rim all night making plays because Miami's defensive intensity was cranked to about a 2. That wasn't only Chris' fault...but he wasn't helping. Just to get off his case, I'm going to try not to mention him anymore. When he shows up big in a tight spot, I'll give him the credit...but I'm not going to continue to point out every night how soft he is - I don't have that many gigabyte-rams on my computer, frankly.
4) Mike Bibby may be the most chill character ever to play for the Heat. He is unaffected - and perhaps, at times, simply unaware - at much of life swirling around him. For instance, when his college team, Arizona, was on the cusp of the Final Four, he professed not to know that they were still playing. When the Milwaukee game on Wednesday was swung by a big no-call on an elbow from Andrew Bogut to his head, after the game, when asked about it, Bibby said, "It was physical out there - what do you want me to say?" And when he gets isolated on defense in space - and that happens a lot - when the offensive player starts throwing fakes at him, he stands there serenely, non-responsive, making him perhaps my favorite Heat defender of all-time (right up until the time when the guy actually starts to dribble by him, and he still doesn't move). Tonight, in the second quarter, on a baseline inbounds play, LeBron James made a hard cut middle, Mario Chalmers lofted a pass skyward towards the rim, and LeBron caught it in full-flight with one hand, and POWER-SLAMMED it in with a windmill jam, causing the whole Heat bench to erupt with excitement! I mean, causing the whole Heat bench, except Mike Bibby, to erupt with excitement! Bibby sat quietly watching it, drinking water from a bottle, and never even raised an eyebrow. Listen, bruh, if you think Mike Bibby hasn't seen a one-armed-tomahawk-dunk-off-an-inbounds-pass or two in his day...
5) As I said, I watched a Foo Fighters documentary after the game. I like Foo Fighters. Like, I don't listen to their albums or anything, but if I hear one of their songs, I enjoy it, and Dave Grohl is like a real American rock star who has had an amazing career. Foo Fighters is one of the few musical issues about which Thor and I (we are the two aging dudes you see at the clubs watching cool shows) disagree. He thinks they are hack-y, but I think he is just bitter because Midnight Oil never really made it big in America...Things we learned tonight about Dave Grohl: he kicked people out of his band or they left his band usually because he was re-playing their drum parts on the records, just like Smashing Pumpkins and Billy Corgan - the only difference is that Dave Grohl pretended to feel bad about it. He has a giant leaf tattoo running the length of each forearm: rad. Finally, he may have had more haircuts than any rock star ever. He had a long, feathered look that I like to call "the gay boy;" he had Beatles-type bangs; he went short for a while; he went beard, no beard, and several different sideburn configurations; and he has now settled in to a long-but-parted-with-beard look, kind of a Gregg Allman-y thing. Seems like a good time to mention that today, for the 100th time, someone, unsolicited, pointed out that I have "kind of a Jason Statham thing going on." Yes, I am white, balding, and my hair is shaved low. I am not English, but I do look great in a tight shirt. Thanks for noticing. Of course, I would prefer Vin Diesel, but I'm a straight up white boy, and he's just trying to pass...
6) Okay, we have been getting a ton of questions this last week or two. I’m sorry if we don’t get to yours quickly, we are really trying to take the more urgent, life-threatening type ones first. It is gratifying to know how much value readers put into this blog as a problem-solving vehicle – obviously, that’s one of its most important functions.
Today’s question is from our reader D.S.:
Ok, my question: Can a woman I just met be put on the approved list when she informs me that she uses one of those CPAC jet fighter masks and that she snored the siding off her house? I’m having one of those “What would Jesus do” moments, and I don’t think I’m going to heaven……. Do you have an opinion?
My initial reaction: What? What the hell kind of question is that? I don’t understand it at all…Do you mean that you like her, and she likes you, but she has some severe form of, like, sleep apnea, and that she has to sleep with a mask on? If that is your question, then my answer is: Of course, go for it! Freaky sleep-apnea sex is awesome! One time I had a relationship with a girl suffering from diverticulitis, but it never got past the heavy petting stage because she got hospitalized, and I bailed. If your question is actually something else, you’re going to have to re-ask it, because I can’t figure it out…
Meaningful game Sunday against the Celtics. If you need me before then, I'll be not going to R.Minutos' Giant Cookie and Taco Bake-Off because I have a previously-scheduled obligation - as far as you know. Cheeeeeeerrrrs!
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Bucks 90 Heat 85
6 Thoughts
1) I'm exhausted as a motherfuck because I've been up for, like, 72 straight hours watching the University of Connecticut's championship game on an endless loop in my house (in a related story, I now care about the Heat's playoff run about 30 percent less - can't get greedy, bad jinx ju-ju). At our Under 10 soccer practice tonight, I wanted to punch 6 different kids - and 3 parents - in the face. I'm hungry, and I haven't been to the gym in a week. And now: Chris Bosh. Again. L.e.t.s.g.o. I guess.
2) Look - if I ever defend Chris Bosh again, someone, please, remind of this post. Hahaha, he outplayed Brook Lopez in a Soft Off, ha, that's soooooo funny, until you realize it's not that funny, because other good teams have big players that aren't soft and will kill Chris Bosh (not to pick on Brook Lopez - I'm just saying...). Tonight, Milwaukee guarded him with a small guy who killed him. Luc-Richard Mbah a Moute, who goes maybe a lanky 6'7", tossed Bosh around all night, eventually scaring him out to the perimeter, where Chris proceeded to miss jumper after jumper down the stretch. With Dwyane Wade out nursing his sore right thigh, you would think Chris would be more aggressive - but, no, he decided to go the other way. That's a 6-15 for Chris, with a quiet 7 rebounds - and a 7-14 for his cover, the offensively challenged Luc Richard, to go with 12 rebounds. It was as unwatchable a performance as I can remember. Look, no one is ever going to surpass the 28 game stretch Gary Grant played for us in the 1996-7 season in which he dribbled 23 seconds off the shot clock every offensive possession before driving towards the basket and hurling a layup over the backboard as if it were a live grenade - he's my least favorite Heat player ever. But I think he has crept past Malik Allen (previous # 3), and Jamal Mashburn (# 2), to claim the second spot all to himself. I don't care if we win the next ten titles: me and Chris Bosh are done. And I hate Juwan Howard, too.
3) Do I have to even write about this game? Blahhh, blah, blah. So boring. When do the playoffs start again? (answer: next weekend) Best play of the game: Late in the fourth quarter, ultra-quick Bucks point guard Brandon Jennings had the ball on the sidelines isolated against the aging wonder Mike Bibby, or as I like to call him, "Mr. Lockdown." Jennings gave him a shake this way, and a crossover, then a shake back the other way, and went through the legs, and then one shimmy for good measure - and then dribbled the ball directly out of bounds. Another stop for Mike Bibby! Listen, kid, if you don't think Mike Bibby has seen a fancy dribble or two in his time...
4) In the first half, talking about the Bucks lack of offensive proficiency not affecting their ability to play hard on the defensive end, Tony Fiorentino claimed that was unusual, because "usually there is a carrot in front of the stick, but not for this team." Exactly! Wait- what? Oh, I think he was saying something like, "You get out of it, what you put over it," right? Oh, no, maybe he means, like, "The early bird feeds the worm." Maybe? Oh, oh, it could be: "Two stones do not make a wrong." Whatever he actually meant, I'd like to get my hands on that stick, carrot or no carrot, and thrash Chris Bosh with it. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WHERE IS UDONIS HASLEM? WHERE IS OUR REAL POWER FORWARD? SWEET JESUS, GIVE US BACK UDONIS QUICKLY!!! THERE ARE ONLY FIVE MORE SEASONS LEFT ON WADE AND LEBRON'S CONTRACTS, TIME IS RUNNING OUT, PLEASE GET UDONIS BACK, AND GET CHRIS BOSH OFF THE COURT!!!!
5) Wheewwww, feel a little better. Also, though: What happened to the pick and roll play with Chris? It seems like we used that for about two weeks, after Chris demanded the ball more in the paint, and it was the best Miami, and Bosh, played all season. I feel like they haven't run that in eight games, not once. Am I wrong? So frustrating. I can't wait for the playoff, the draft, and then the ensuing lockout and new collective bargaining agreement to be settled so that at least the possibility exists that we could trade him. What? What would I trade him for? I'd trade him for you!
6) As happens de temps en temps, we have another question in need of an answer, this time from Thor. Here it is - as always, you've come to the right place:
So I have a mate who shall remain nameless because I don’t want to embarrass him, but he had a tough week and I know R.Minutos would appreciate a shout out from Dos. Let me explain, so R.Minutos was out on the town at a fundraiser we were at on Friday night and he brought his Vesper because he was worried about parking. He has a very smart cream colored Vesper with a horn that sounds like you just goosed an adolescent seal. Anyway, ended up he parked in a spot for real cars and not cereal box toys and we all had to run out of the bar to try and stop it being towed.
So we get there and R’s like “what the hell man?” And the tow truck guy looks over at R in his salmon Lacrosse shirt and complex sandals and chuckles and spits his Camel at him. So R pops his collar and tells the guy he will kick his ass “Biscayne style,” which I think involves sending your eggs Benedict back and spilling a mimosa. The guy just swings into the truck’s seat, sticks his head out the window and says, “ step it up, Nancy!” and hits the gas and we all eat a little gravel.
So I guess my question is if a man drives a Vesper and is partial to pink shirts, moisturizer and huge watches, yet is also a former vet, who is happy to get involved in a good scrap followed by wings and beers at Hooters is he confused or just the poster boy for the new-age man?
That's obviously a great question. I gave it quite a bit of thought. I can't be totally sure - because I'm a man, not an electric miniture-bike riding child - but I think it is a "Vespa." Also, is there any chance you mean a "Lacoste" shirt? Goodness gracious - it's becoming pretty clear you didn't grow up in Connecticut!
Next game is Friday against Charlotte. Always a fun time when you play Charlotte: they don't score; you don't score...nobody scores...Should be a great matchup for Chris Bosh...If you need me before then, I'll be out back in my organic garden, tying carrots on to the ends of sticks...See you Friday!
-----
1) I'm exhausted as a motherfuck because I've been up for, like, 72 straight hours watching the University of Connecticut's championship game on an endless loop in my house (in a related story, I now care about the Heat's playoff run about 30 percent less - can't get greedy, bad jinx ju-ju). At our Under 10 soccer practice tonight, I wanted to punch 6 different kids - and 3 parents - in the face. I'm hungry, and I haven't been to the gym in a week. And now: Chris Bosh. Again. L.e.t.s.g.o. I guess.
2) Look - if I ever defend Chris Bosh again, someone, please, remind of this post. Hahaha, he outplayed Brook Lopez in a Soft Off, ha, that's soooooo funny, until you realize it's not that funny, because other good teams have big players that aren't soft and will kill Chris Bosh (not to pick on Brook Lopez - I'm just saying...). Tonight, Milwaukee guarded him with a small guy who killed him. Luc-Richard Mbah a Moute, who goes maybe a lanky 6'7", tossed Bosh around all night, eventually scaring him out to the perimeter, where Chris proceeded to miss jumper after jumper down the stretch. With Dwyane Wade out nursing his sore right thigh, you would think Chris would be more aggressive - but, no, he decided to go the other way. That's a 6-15 for Chris, with a quiet 7 rebounds - and a 7-14 for his cover, the offensively challenged Luc Richard, to go with 12 rebounds. It was as unwatchable a performance as I can remember. Look, no one is ever going to surpass the 28 game stretch Gary Grant played for us in the 1996-7 season in which he dribbled 23 seconds off the shot clock every offensive possession before driving towards the basket and hurling a layup over the backboard as if it were a live grenade - he's my least favorite Heat player ever. But I think he has crept past Malik Allen (previous # 3), and Jamal Mashburn (# 2), to claim the second spot all to himself. I don't care if we win the next ten titles: me and Chris Bosh are done. And I hate Juwan Howard, too.
3) Do I have to even write about this game? Blahhh, blah, blah. So boring. When do the playoffs start again? (answer: next weekend) Best play of the game: Late in the fourth quarter, ultra-quick Bucks point guard Brandon Jennings had the ball on the sidelines isolated against the aging wonder Mike Bibby, or as I like to call him, "Mr. Lockdown." Jennings gave him a shake this way, and a crossover, then a shake back the other way, and went through the legs, and then one shimmy for good measure - and then dribbled the ball directly out of bounds. Another stop for Mike Bibby! Listen, kid, if you don't think Mike Bibby has seen a fancy dribble or two in his time...
4) In the first half, talking about the Bucks lack of offensive proficiency not affecting their ability to play hard on the defensive end, Tony Fiorentino claimed that was unusual, because "usually there is a carrot in front of the stick, but not for this team." Exactly! Wait- what? Oh, I think he was saying something like, "You get out of it, what you put over it," right? Oh, no, maybe he means, like, "The early bird feeds the worm." Maybe? Oh, oh, it could be: "Two stones do not make a wrong." Whatever he actually meant, I'd like to get my hands on that stick, carrot or no carrot, and thrash Chris Bosh with it. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WHERE IS UDONIS HASLEM? WHERE IS OUR REAL POWER FORWARD? SWEET JESUS, GIVE US BACK UDONIS QUICKLY!!! THERE ARE ONLY FIVE MORE SEASONS LEFT ON WADE AND LEBRON'S CONTRACTS, TIME IS RUNNING OUT, PLEASE GET UDONIS BACK, AND GET CHRIS BOSH OFF THE COURT!!!!
5) Wheewwww, feel a little better. Also, though: What happened to the pick and roll play with Chris? It seems like we used that for about two weeks, after Chris demanded the ball more in the paint, and it was the best Miami, and Bosh, played all season. I feel like they haven't run that in eight games, not once. Am I wrong? So frustrating. I can't wait for the playoff, the draft, and then the ensuing lockout and new collective bargaining agreement to be settled so that at least the possibility exists that we could trade him. What? What would I trade him for? I'd trade him for you!
6) As happens de temps en temps, we have another question in need of an answer, this time from Thor. Here it is - as always, you've come to the right place:
So I have a mate who shall remain nameless because I don’t want to embarrass him, but he had a tough week and I know R.Minutos would appreciate a shout out from Dos. Let me explain, so R.Minutos was out on the town at a fundraiser we were at on Friday night and he brought his Vesper because he was worried about parking. He has a very smart cream colored Vesper with a horn that sounds like you just goosed an adolescent seal. Anyway, ended up he parked in a spot for real cars and not cereal box toys and we all had to run out of the bar to try and stop it being towed.
So we get there and R’s like “what the hell man?” And the tow truck guy looks over at R in his salmon Lacrosse shirt and complex sandals and chuckles and spits his Camel at him. So R pops his collar and tells the guy he will kick his ass “Biscayne style,” which I think involves sending your eggs Benedict back and spilling a mimosa. The guy just swings into the truck’s seat, sticks his head out the window and says, “ step it up, Nancy!” and hits the gas and we all eat a little gravel.
So I guess my question is if a man drives a Vesper and is partial to pink shirts, moisturizer and huge watches, yet is also a former vet, who is happy to get involved in a good scrap followed by wings and beers at Hooters is he confused or just the poster boy for the new-age man?
That's obviously a great question. I gave it quite a bit of thought. I can't be totally sure - because I'm a man, not an electric miniture-bike riding child - but I think it is a "Vespa." Also, is there any chance you mean a "Lacoste" shirt? Goodness gracious - it's becoming pretty clear you didn't grow up in Connecticut!
Next game is Friday against Charlotte. Always a fun time when you play Charlotte: they don't score; you don't score...nobody scores...Should be a great matchup for Chris Bosh...If you need me before then, I'll be out back in my organic garden, tying carrots on to the ends of sticks...See you Friday!
-----
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Heat 108 Nets 94
6 Thoughts
1) Chances are, sooner or later, the Nets are going to move to Brooklyn, get a rabid fan base that isn't primarily decked out in Dwyane Wade and LeBron James jerseys, stop cheering early Heat runouts, and present a really tough challenge for visiting teams......but not to-dayyyy. Heat spurted early, put it in cruise control, and despite a bevy of missed layups and free throws, otherwise played fairly crisply and efficiently. 3-1 dentist office road trip, a division title, and a half step towards home court advantage in the second round against Boston. I'm a little under the weather - yes, Connecticut defeated Calipari and Kentucky last night, but you don't mess with the devil and emerge unscathed - I'm suffering the effects of that today, but it was worth it...Pull that headband back down on your head some, LeBron, and let's go!
2) For one of the first times all year, I felt proud of LeBron. With Dwyane Wade nursing a bruised thigh suffered in the first half, and Chris Bosh not getting as many touches as you'd like to see (more on that in #3), LeBron did what we always want him to do, but often doesn't: he took smaller, less athletic defenders and punished them - he dominated the game thoroughly from start to finish, and never let the outcome seem in doubt. In space against overmatched Net defenders Travis Outlaw and Sasha Vujacic, LeBron, instead of settling for orchestrating the offense from the perimeter, took the ball to the rim, finished plays, and found open teammates when the defense collapsed. He had 31 points (on 13-18!), 11 rebounds, and 7 assists - quite possibly could have had a dozen assists if either Zydrunas Ilgauskas or Chris Bosh had caught his passes or finished uncontested layups after catching them. It was efficient, it was smart, it was powerful - it was really, really good. Quietly, one of his better games of the year.
3) Soft Off! Chris Bosh against Brook Lopez! Soft Off! Let's go to the tale of the tape: Chris was guarded most of the night by a guy 4 inches shorter than him, but mostly wandered around the elbow area, setting half-hearted screens that LeBron didn't need. Dropped a couple of easy passes inside when he wasn't ready. Did make six of nine shots for 16 points, but missed 3 annoying free throws down the stretch (it wasn't just him missing ft's, in fairness). Had 7 rebounds, including one where he jumped (for the second straight game), and blocked a shot. Best play was early when he tried to post Outlaw, got fronted, sealed him high, Ilguaskas popped to the free throw line, received a pass from Emcee Chalmers, and dropped it down to the emptied baseline for a layup...Brook Lopez: spent most of the night with Erick Dampier leaning on him, made only 5-13 shots, and I think 3 of the makes were within the first three minutes. Shot the ball approximately every time he touched it, which was with increasing infrequency as the game went on, since he had trouble sealing Damp and Ilgauskas. "Corralled" 3 rebounds in 41 minutes, and didn't block a shot, mostly because he spent most of his defensive possessions idly wandering towards the ball while leaving the rim unprotected...The winner: Chris Bosh in a unanimous decision. Why no knockout? Dude, it's a Soft Off - there are no knockouts!
4) This is why former Dallas and current Net coach Avery Johnson is despised, at least in my house: the game was, for all intents and purposes, over halfway through the first quarter. But with the Nets down 12, with 3 and a half minutes left to play out, he decided to go to the Hack-a-Screen du Jour strategy, intentionally fouling Erick Dampier repeatedly in hopes he would miss. Screen backspun in 4-6 - when that strategy didn't work, Johnson started calling timeouts. As a result, the last 3 minutes of a meaningless game, which had been decided for two hours, took approximately a day and a half to finish. Thanks, Avery, thanks a lot. And I'm sure there's nothing your players love more than you making them spend an extra 20 minutes out on the court at the tail end of a 23-53 season...
5) Play of the game: With less than a minute to go and the Heat up double digits, when Net rookie guard Ben Uzoh steamed downcourt, cut to the left wing, seized up LeBron James, and found LeBron standing motionless, adjusting his headband. Uzoh gave him a jab step, which LeBron responded to by not moving a muscle except to further adjust his headband, whereupon Uzoh crisply stepped back and dropped the triple! That must have impressed Coach Avery - anything to prolong the game even a little, instead of just dribbling the clock out...
6) Spent an awesome evening yesterday with O and P Minutos at The Heritage Festival in North Palm Beach. Not sure whose heritage, exactly, we were celebrating - rich white dudes who live on the many deep water canals in North Palm Beach? In any case, it was a super cool little festival in a sweet park on the water, and the boys and I ate funnel cakes (or, where I'm from "fried dough"), cotton candy, and best of all, played football in the grass under a perfect South Florida sunset while longtime Dos reader Snets, and his band Sierra, rocked the house. Do you think that it gets any better than playing football with your boys - especially when the younger one thinks one play is two hand touch, and the older one thinks it is tackle and throws the younger one into the ice cream stand? - while a bunch of cool dudes play "American Girl," and I get a shout out from the stage? It does not. Here are the boys at work. Don't know why Snets is hiding behind his keyboard the whole time, but at the 2:00 minute mark, there's a sweet shot of the back of his head...Thanks for inviting us!
We're off until Wednesday against Milwaukee. Until then, I'll be sitting on my couch, reading a book, in case Ben Uzoh wants to go at me off the dribble!
-----
1) Chances are, sooner or later, the Nets are going to move to Brooklyn, get a rabid fan base that isn't primarily decked out in Dwyane Wade and LeBron James jerseys, stop cheering early Heat runouts, and present a really tough challenge for visiting teams......but not to-dayyyy. Heat spurted early, put it in cruise control, and despite a bevy of missed layups and free throws, otherwise played fairly crisply and efficiently. 3-1 dentist office road trip, a division title, and a half step towards home court advantage in the second round against Boston. I'm a little under the weather - yes, Connecticut defeated Calipari and Kentucky last night, but you don't mess with the devil and emerge unscathed - I'm suffering the effects of that today, but it was worth it...Pull that headband back down on your head some, LeBron, and let's go!
2) For one of the first times all year, I felt proud of LeBron. With Dwyane Wade nursing a bruised thigh suffered in the first half, and Chris Bosh not getting as many touches as you'd like to see (more on that in #3), LeBron did what we always want him to do, but often doesn't: he took smaller, less athletic defenders and punished them - he dominated the game thoroughly from start to finish, and never let the outcome seem in doubt. In space against overmatched Net defenders Travis Outlaw and Sasha Vujacic, LeBron, instead of settling for orchestrating the offense from the perimeter, took the ball to the rim, finished plays, and found open teammates when the defense collapsed. He had 31 points (on 13-18!), 11 rebounds, and 7 assists - quite possibly could have had a dozen assists if either Zydrunas Ilgauskas or Chris Bosh had caught his passes or finished uncontested layups after catching them. It was efficient, it was smart, it was powerful - it was really, really good. Quietly, one of his better games of the year.
3) Soft Off! Chris Bosh against Brook Lopez! Soft Off! Let's go to the tale of the tape: Chris was guarded most of the night by a guy 4 inches shorter than him, but mostly wandered around the elbow area, setting half-hearted screens that LeBron didn't need. Dropped a couple of easy passes inside when he wasn't ready. Did make six of nine shots for 16 points, but missed 3 annoying free throws down the stretch (it wasn't just him missing ft's, in fairness). Had 7 rebounds, including one where he jumped (for the second straight game), and blocked a shot. Best play was early when he tried to post Outlaw, got fronted, sealed him high, Ilguaskas popped to the free throw line, received a pass from Emcee Chalmers, and dropped it down to the emptied baseline for a layup...Brook Lopez: spent most of the night with Erick Dampier leaning on him, made only 5-13 shots, and I think 3 of the makes were within the first three minutes. Shot the ball approximately every time he touched it, which was with increasing infrequency as the game went on, since he had trouble sealing Damp and Ilgauskas. "Corralled" 3 rebounds in 41 minutes, and didn't block a shot, mostly because he spent most of his defensive possessions idly wandering towards the ball while leaving the rim unprotected...The winner: Chris Bosh in a unanimous decision. Why no knockout? Dude, it's a Soft Off - there are no knockouts!
4) This is why former Dallas and current Net coach Avery Johnson is despised, at least in my house: the game was, for all intents and purposes, over halfway through the first quarter. But with the Nets down 12, with 3 and a half minutes left to play out, he decided to go to the Hack-a-Screen du Jour strategy, intentionally fouling Erick Dampier repeatedly in hopes he would miss. Screen backspun in 4-6 - when that strategy didn't work, Johnson started calling timeouts. As a result, the last 3 minutes of a meaningless game, which had been decided for two hours, took approximately a day and a half to finish. Thanks, Avery, thanks a lot. And I'm sure there's nothing your players love more than you making them spend an extra 20 minutes out on the court at the tail end of a 23-53 season...
5) Play of the game: With less than a minute to go and the Heat up double digits, when Net rookie guard Ben Uzoh steamed downcourt, cut to the left wing, seized up LeBron James, and found LeBron standing motionless, adjusting his headband. Uzoh gave him a jab step, which LeBron responded to by not moving a muscle except to further adjust his headband, whereupon Uzoh crisply stepped back and dropped the triple! That must have impressed Coach Avery - anything to prolong the game even a little, instead of just dribbling the clock out...
6) Spent an awesome evening yesterday with O and P Minutos at The Heritage Festival in North Palm Beach. Not sure whose heritage, exactly, we were celebrating - rich white dudes who live on the many deep water canals in North Palm Beach? In any case, it was a super cool little festival in a sweet park on the water, and the boys and I ate funnel cakes (or, where I'm from "fried dough"), cotton candy, and best of all, played football in the grass under a perfect South Florida sunset while longtime Dos reader Snets, and his band Sierra, rocked the house. Do you think that it gets any better than playing football with your boys - especially when the younger one thinks one play is two hand touch, and the older one thinks it is tackle and throws the younger one into the ice cream stand? - while a bunch of cool dudes play "American Girl," and I get a shout out from the stage? It does not. Here are the boys at work. Don't know why Snets is hiding behind his keyboard the whole time, but at the 2:00 minute mark, there's a sweet shot of the back of his head...Thanks for inviting us!
We're off until Wednesday against Milwaukee. Until then, I'll be sitting on my couch, reading a book, in case Ben Uzoh wants to go at me off the dribble!
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Friday, April 1, 2011
Heat 111 Timberwolves 92
6 Thoughts
1) Well, there's a sleepover going on in my house tonight, with O. and P. Minutos hosting a few of their friends. There is more noise coming out of the room they are all packed in to right now then there was all night in Minnesota - just a horribly boring game, filled with bad play, and low intensity. Boston, on a late season slide, lost again to Atlanta tonight so, improbably, the Heat have slipped past them momentarily in to the # 2 spot. We'd bust out the confetti and noisemakers, but we don't want to wake up any of the good folks - or the players - in Minnesota. Let's do it, and let's go!
2) Minnesota took a 1 point lead going in to halftime, but it was clear that Miami meant business to start the third quarter. How clear? On Minnesota's second possession, someone missed a jump shot, and Chris Bosh took two steps down the lane and jumped - jumped! - for the rebound! Make that one jumping rebound for Chris this year! Miami immediately went on a 7 minute 25-1 run, which featured about 15 run out dunks from Wade, a couple of threes from Bibby, and missed shot after missed shot for Minnesota. While it wasn't a great performance overall, and Minnesota, at 17-59, is one of the worst teams in the league, one thing Miami was conscientious about was keeping the NBA's leading rebounder, Kevin Love, off the glass - held him to only 7, less than half his average - and as a result, outrebounded the Wolves 46-31 overall. Bosh was fine, with 24 and 11, but LeBron was fairly atrocious, finding himself continuously isolated in space against the likes of Wesley Johnson, Martell Webster, and Mike Beasley! (more on him in a second), but for some reason, steadfastly refused to go by them, preferring to quietly run the offense from the perimeter. For most people, his 27, 10 and 6 would be their best game of the season - for LeBron, it was an odd affair. You would love to see him punish mismatches - but that's not really what he does. He is stubborn that way, at times...
3) The game was like a trip to the dentist's office, as many of these late season road games against non-contenders are. Best case scenario, you draw a hygienist who doesn't really care too much about getting your teeth clean, she goes in there half-hearted, brushes for a minute, and you move on with your life unscathed - that was tonight. Worst case scenario - you get a hygienist really dedicated to the destruction of plaque, she gets the electric scrubber and that hook thing in there - at the same time - and makes you bleed - that was the Cleveland game earlier in the week. But that doesn't mean tonight was pleasant - the atmosphere was super-depressing, like at most peoples' dentist's office (not mine - my dentist is a peach!). It was so quiet and eerie in the building, that each time a Heat player stepped to the free throw line, and the Wolves PA announcer piped in their signature, high-pitched wolf howl, it was actually scary - sent chills down my spine, like watching a game played in the Pet Sematary. A couple of years ago, in this very same building, a fan spilled a beverage all over Tony, causing him severe nightmares ever since (talked about it again tonight), and ruining his suit. Eric Reid, late in the game, commiserated with Tony: "We've been here two days, but it feels like a week!" Not great times in Minnesota, overall.
4) Keeping it in Minnesota - their leading scorer, of course, is one Mr. Michael Beasley, former Heat problem child, now a grizzled 22 year old veteran, playing out the string on a horrible team, but, at least, getting to shoot the ball more often. Last year, many readers of this blog - believe me, it was more than 3 or 4 - claimed that Miami erred severely in retaining Dwyane Wade and jettisoning Supercool, asserting that Beasley was the guy to build around. Well, the Timberwolves tried that strategy this season: oops. Which is not to dump on Mike - he still looks to be in good shape, much better than he was here. He looks quicker, and his scoring is up, although his shooting numbers remain average. His rebounding, already a weak spot, is down significantly, although in fairness to him, he is playing more small forward than power forward. Still, in 29 minutes tonight, managed just 1 rebound with his 13 points - that's not exactly "engaged and aggressive." Mike Bibby had 4 rebounds in 30 minutes, and Dexter Pittman, in his first NBA action, had 2 in 2 minutes. Mike said all the right things coming in to the game, praising his former teammates and coaches, so it was good to see him figuring out the media thing a little, too, although he told Eric Reid before the game that he is picking Miami to win the NBA title, which means he is either, one, trying to put the jinx on us, or, two, still hi--never mind, don't even want to go there. The best thing we can wish for Mike is to get the hell out of that mess and get on to a good team which just needs him to fill a roll as a shooter off the bench - that's his role in this league going forward, and he can be good at it. See you next year, Supercool - always love you, boy....
5) Play of the game: not even close, it was with under 3 minutes to go in the game, just playing out the string, and LeBron was at the line for one free throw, after getting fouled while making a driving layup. LeBron missed the free throw, but nobody standing on the lane realized that it was only one attempt. Chris Bosh was the only person to step in to the lane, but he did so casually, catching the ball underhanded while still talking to the nearest Timberwolf (Timberwolve?). Wayne Ellington, playing behind LeBron, did realize it was one shot, and stepped in to the lane in front of LeBron, which was his job. But when nobody else moved, you could see him sort of nod, and think, "Oh, I guess I was wrong." Meanwhile, LeBron suddenly realized that it was only one free throw, and as Bosh started to flip the ball to the official out of bounds, he suddenly ran down the lane, grabbed it out of Chris' hand, and dunked it through the basket, while the other 9 guys on the court watched him. Kind of fit in with the theme of the night - lack of effort and awareness...
6) "Chances are, sooner or later, we're going to end up behind bars, or buried in a ditch somewhere......but not to-dayyy." Fuck, yeeaaah! This summer just got a whole lot mo' faster, and a whole lot mo' furious!!! 1:45 mark, boy!!!
1) Well, there's a sleepover going on in my house tonight, with O. and P. Minutos hosting a few of their friends. There is more noise coming out of the room they are all packed in to right now then there was all night in Minnesota - just a horribly boring game, filled with bad play, and low intensity. Boston, on a late season slide, lost again to Atlanta tonight so, improbably, the Heat have slipped past them momentarily in to the # 2 spot. We'd bust out the confetti and noisemakers, but we don't want to wake up any of the good folks - or the players - in Minnesota. Let's do it, and let's go!
2) Minnesota took a 1 point lead going in to halftime, but it was clear that Miami meant business to start the third quarter. How clear? On Minnesota's second possession, someone missed a jump shot, and Chris Bosh took two steps down the lane and jumped - jumped! - for the rebound! Make that one jumping rebound for Chris this year! Miami immediately went on a 7 minute 25-1 run, which featured about 15 run out dunks from Wade, a couple of threes from Bibby, and missed shot after missed shot for Minnesota. While it wasn't a great performance overall, and Minnesota, at 17-59, is one of the worst teams in the league, one thing Miami was conscientious about was keeping the NBA's leading rebounder, Kevin Love, off the glass - held him to only 7, less than half his average - and as a result, outrebounded the Wolves 46-31 overall. Bosh was fine, with 24 and 11, but LeBron was fairly atrocious, finding himself continuously isolated in space against the likes of Wesley Johnson, Martell Webster, and Mike Beasley! (more on him in a second), but for some reason, steadfastly refused to go by them, preferring to quietly run the offense from the perimeter. For most people, his 27, 10 and 6 would be their best game of the season - for LeBron, it was an odd affair. You would love to see him punish mismatches - but that's not really what he does. He is stubborn that way, at times...
3) The game was like a trip to the dentist's office, as many of these late season road games against non-contenders are. Best case scenario, you draw a hygienist who doesn't really care too much about getting your teeth clean, she goes in there half-hearted, brushes for a minute, and you move on with your life unscathed - that was tonight. Worst case scenario - you get a hygienist really dedicated to the destruction of plaque, she gets the electric scrubber and that hook thing in there - at the same time - and makes you bleed - that was the Cleveland game earlier in the week. But that doesn't mean tonight was pleasant - the atmosphere was super-depressing, like at most peoples' dentist's office (not mine - my dentist is a peach!). It was so quiet and eerie in the building, that each time a Heat player stepped to the free throw line, and the Wolves PA announcer piped in their signature, high-pitched wolf howl, it was actually scary - sent chills down my spine, like watching a game played in the Pet Sematary. A couple of years ago, in this very same building, a fan spilled a beverage all over Tony, causing him severe nightmares ever since (talked about it again tonight), and ruining his suit. Eric Reid, late in the game, commiserated with Tony: "We've been here two days, but it feels like a week!" Not great times in Minnesota, overall.
4) Keeping it in Minnesota - their leading scorer, of course, is one Mr. Michael Beasley, former Heat problem child, now a grizzled 22 year old veteran, playing out the string on a horrible team, but, at least, getting to shoot the ball more often. Last year, many readers of this blog - believe me, it was more than 3 or 4 - claimed that Miami erred severely in retaining Dwyane Wade and jettisoning Supercool, asserting that Beasley was the guy to build around. Well, the Timberwolves tried that strategy this season: oops. Which is not to dump on Mike - he still looks to be in good shape, much better than he was here. He looks quicker, and his scoring is up, although his shooting numbers remain average. His rebounding, already a weak spot, is down significantly, although in fairness to him, he is playing more small forward than power forward. Still, in 29 minutes tonight, managed just 1 rebound with his 13 points - that's not exactly "engaged and aggressive." Mike Bibby had 4 rebounds in 30 minutes, and Dexter Pittman, in his first NBA action, had 2 in 2 minutes. Mike said all the right things coming in to the game, praising his former teammates and coaches, so it was good to see him figuring out the media thing a little, too, although he told Eric Reid before the game that he is picking Miami to win the NBA title, which means he is either, one, trying to put the jinx on us, or, two, still hi--never mind, don't even want to go there. The best thing we can wish for Mike is to get the hell out of that mess and get on to a good team which just needs him to fill a roll as a shooter off the bench - that's his role in this league going forward, and he can be good at it. See you next year, Supercool - always love you, boy....
5) Play of the game: not even close, it was with under 3 minutes to go in the game, just playing out the string, and LeBron was at the line for one free throw, after getting fouled while making a driving layup. LeBron missed the free throw, but nobody standing on the lane realized that it was only one attempt. Chris Bosh was the only person to step in to the lane, but he did so casually, catching the ball underhanded while still talking to the nearest Timberwolf (Timberwolve?). Wayne Ellington, playing behind LeBron, did realize it was one shot, and stepped in to the lane in front of LeBron, which was his job. But when nobody else moved, you could see him sort of nod, and think, "Oh, I guess I was wrong." Meanwhile, LeBron suddenly realized that it was only one free throw, and as Bosh started to flip the ball to the official out of bounds, he suddenly ran down the lane, grabbed it out of Chris' hand, and dunked it through the basket, while the other 9 guys on the court watched him. Kind of fit in with the theme of the night - lack of effort and awareness...
6) "Chances are, sooner or later, we're going to end up behind bars, or buried in a ditch somewhere......but not to-dayyy." Fuck, yeeaaah! This summer just got a whole lot mo' faster, and a whole lot mo' furious!!! 1:45 mark, boy!!!
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