6 Thoughts
1) Miami sat Wade, LeBron, Bosh, and Miller, Eddie House scored 35 points, Jamal Magloire had 19 rebounds in 29 minutes, and the Heat blew out Toronto in a meaningless game to finish the season at 58-24. Juwan Howard dominated the last quarter of the game - if every team in the NBA was like Toronto, he'd be Tim Duncan...I watched Eddie House's 18 point first quarter, then mostly read Twitter with the game on in the background, so I don't know too much about what happened. For the last time in the regular season, let's go!
2) So, someone asked me the other day, “How have you enjoyed the season?” Well, for the most part, I hated it. You know why? Because I hate every season: it’s tortuous, there are so many losses that even in a good season, it’s depressing; I feel like I spend all my time watching basketball, and never have time to, like, read a book, or do anything else; and I can’t wait for it to end. You know what season I enjoyed? 1996-7 - I’m pretty sure that was the last one. That year, the Heat were this year’s Bulls, a team that came from out of nowhere, played unbelievably hard every night, were dubbed “The Road Warriors” by eternal Heat play-by-player Eric Reid, and won 61 games, before losing to pre-milky-eyed Michael Jordan and the Bulls in the Eastern Conference Finals. Also, I wasn’t yet married, I had no kids, and I could walk to the grocery store from my apartment, so Ms.Minutos and I walked over and got ice cream after every Heat victory (and there were a lot of them). Even the 2005-06 title season sucked because we had been to the conference finals the year before in 04-05, led 3-2 against Detroit, and then Dwyane Wade got hurt and we lost the series. So the 05-06 season was just 82 games of ennui waiting to get back to that same spot in the conference finals to see if we could push through...
3) So the Heat finished with 58 victories (their third most ever), the # 2 seed in the East, and the third best overall record in the NBA. This dumb website predicted 61 wins, and the top seed in the East, so we weren’t too far off. What does it all mean? First of all, you don’t want to denigrate 58 wins. It’s the franchise’s 7th season with 50+ wins in the last 15 seasons, so it doesn’t feel special, but it is a very good accomplishment. 50 wins, let alone 58, is quite a few. You know how many times the Clipper franchise has ever won 50? Zero. Zero times. Toronto: zero times. Washington (last 30 years, only): zero times. Memphis: one time. New Jersey: one time. Everyone should feel lucky that Pat Riley has built a really good product. On the other hand, some people thought this team could be a level better than they were, blow everyone off the court almost every time out, and end with 65-70 victories. Why didn’t that happen? Well, there were significant injuries: Wade missed all of the preseason, and was not healthy for the first month of the season when Miami started 9-8 – that’s probably a couple of wins right there. Udonis Haslem only played in 13 games – that would have been less of a problem if, one, his backup hadn’t been Juwan Howard, and, two, their other best big possessed all the toughness of a Chris Bosh – in fact, worse- he was Chris Bosh! Let’s say that’s a couple of wins right there. And Mike Miller – Jesus. He had enough injuries to fill up a season of E.R. He missed the first couple of months with a broken thumb – luckily, it was on his shooting hand. Then, when he started playing (with a giant brace on the right thumb), he suffered through a series of concussions that caused him to miss another couple of weeks. Then he bruised a knee, then he rolled an ankle, then he sprained his other thumb, and is now playing with braces on both hands. He played in 41 games, but only for a few minutes in a lot of them when he was either working his way back into the lineup, or leaving early because of injury. Again, this would be less of a problem if his replacement weren’t James Jones. That’s probably a couple of wins right there. Add those up: that’s 64. That’s a great season. On the other hand, every team has injuries and challenges. Further, what we realized as the season went on: this was not Dwyane Wade and LeBron James’ first time around the rodeo circuit. They played hard every night; but not hard every night. Dwyane’s won a championship and was the series MVP; LeBron has been on teams that played hard every night, and ended up with nothing to show for it. The longer the season went on, the more you realized that both guys could have cared less if they won 54, or 58, or 68 – they are only going to be judged by the postseason results anyways. So, would you like them to have played like the Bulls did, liked them to go out and give maximum effort every single night to see how many games they could have won in the regular season? Yes, certainly it would have been interesting. But, ultimately, it wouldn’t help you feel any better if they lose anyways to Boston in the second round of the playoffs in a couple of weeks. It is what it is – the season really starts right now…
4) Let’s give some grades, because we have never done that.
Dwayne Wade: A. He was great. He played great – he didn’t just play great, he changed his game, and was still great. He proved he could play off the ball and score just as much and just as efficiently, increased his rebounding to 6.4/game, which is unbelievably good for someone his size and with his offensive responsibilities, and defended solidly, at least since New Year’s...He remained the clear emotional leader of the team on the floor, and, at least in Miami, the face of the franchise, while also seeming to expertly defer just enough in those areas to make LeBron feel comfortable. I don’t use the word “wonderful” very often, because it is very gay-ish, but Dwyane had a wonderful season.
LeBron James: A-. He was also great, but maybe slightly less great than Dwyane, relatively-speaking. He is still, unquestionably, the most consistent and productive player in basketball – only Dwight Howard is even close. For years, from afar, I have contended that if you have one quarter you have to win, you probably want Kobe Bryant. If you have one game you need to win, you probably want Wade. But if you have one whole season to go through, LeBron is the clear choice. He directs the offense capably every night. He scores every night. He rebounds every night. He defends every night. He never gets too high, or too low – he just comes out and does what he does. Unlike Dwyane, however, he did not prove he could change his game easily. He tried to provide a post presence when Bosh struggled in this area (and/or missed games), but was mostly unable to – he is not at all fluid with his back to the basket. And he is only now starting to look decent playing off the ball. In future seasons, one would hope he gets better in those areas – people forget he is 26 or 27, and signed, along with Dwyane, for several more seasons. He was very, very, very good this season – he was probably the best player in the league again, so that’s pretty good…He also was the first player to the bench for virtually every timeout, exhorted innumerable people through various media and interpersonal relationships to "Let's Go" upwards of several hundred times, and as the season went on and his hairline receded more and more, he kept raising his headband to cover up its retreat. So, I think it’s fair to say, he was doin’ it all…
Chris Bosh: Well, for me he was an F-. Realistically, he was probably a C. There are a couple of things he does very well. One is shoot the ball. He is a really, really good shooter. Thus, when he sets up at the elbow, he has to be guarded, which allows him to either, one, drive to the basket (although he generally gets stripped on the way up), or two, allows Dwyane or LeBron – mostly Dwyane, frankly – to drive to the basket, since it takes one big away from the rim. Without his elbow presence, it would make the game far tougher for Wade. He also plays defense technically correct – he understands the rotations, and his responsibilities, and is rarely caught out of position. However, even when he gets to the correct spot defensively, he often allows himself to get bumped right off the correct spot by stronger players, or, even more infuriatingly, puts his hands up in the air like a double Statue of Liberty, and lets the offensive player – even guards - lay the ball in right next to him. Nothing drives me more insane than when he does that – some guys, like my friend Plumber, love a soft, one-dimensional big who plays like a small forward who constantly has five fouls. Personally, I hate it. I deeeee-spise it! Hit somebody, get in to foul trouble once in a while – do anything! So while I agree Chris Bosh is effective in certain areas of the game, and he seems like a reasonably nice kid, if he doesn’t butch up – significantly – at some point, he is going to go down in history as my least favorite basketball player of all-time. I’m not looking forward to watching him play in the ratcheted-up intensity and physicality of the playoffs. At all.
The centers (Z, Magloire, Joel Anthony, Screen du Damp): I‘m giving them a C+. Individually and collectively they are fairly awful, but they weren’t any worse than what you would expect out of them, if that makes any sense. Maybe even a tad better.
The point guards (Bibby and Chalmers): C. Bibby stands in one spot and is a reliable shooter (except against Atlanta, when he suddenly turns in to a land-locked, infinitelyslower Allen Iverson). Chalmers is like the marble in one of those four-sided maze games where you have to manipulate the levers on the side of the box to tilt the top to try to keep the marble from falling in to the holes. He lurches and lunges around the court, seemingly without a plan. Sometimes, he stumbles into a steal; other times, he stumbles into a guy who has released a three pointer a beat and a half earlier, creating a four point play. He actually defended on the ball a little better than he usually does over the second half of the season, which was helpful. He is a decent shooter, but doesn’t have a great understanding of offense. One hoped he really would progress this season with a better cast around him, but he is pretty much the same as always. This is not a position of strength for the Heat.
The shooters (Eddie House, James Jones, Mike Miller): D. They didn’t consistently make enough shots. They made shots – they just didn’t make enough shots. Miller provided other things when he was able to get on the floor – he’s a very good rebounder, and a solid defender – but they need him to make more shots. In fairness to him, as noted, he is playing with two broken thumbs, which isn’t ideal for a shooter…
Juwan Howard: Double F-. Any time he shoots or dribbles – any time he even steps on to the court – that’s a win for the other team's defense. Probably got ejected more times per minute than any player in the NBA this season. I guess that’s something.
Coach Spoelstra: B. He was fine, the team played hard enough, seemed to coexist well, was conscientious about playing defense properly, and he recycled all his favorite catch phrases from his first two seasons over and over again (“it’s a process;” “we have to grind;” “we will get through this, and learn, and get better,” etc, etc, etc, etc, etc). His hairdo is questionable – kind of a weird, combed-forward, center-part thing, with, unquestionably, the longest and thickest sideburns of any coach in the NBA - so you have to dock him half a grade for that. Also, if you have four centers, and they are all fairly atrocious, does it really matter who starts? Why were we constantly changing the starting center? Let’s just pick one fairly atrocious center to be the starter, and mix and match from there.
Dos Minutos: C. On the one hand, I skipped like 50 games in the middle of the season – that has to count against me. On the other hand, without me reverse-jinxing LeBron on to the team in the first place, we would have been a 44 win non-contender with no chance of advancing past the first round, again. Also, at least four to five times a game, I absolutely directly affect the outcome of a shot by saying – aloud – “oh, no” just as a Mario Chalmers or a James Jones gets ready to release, thereby reverse-jinxing the ball in to the basket. That’s 12-15 points a game. In a related story, I also won the NCAA championship for my beloved Connecticut Huskies when I realized halfway through the second half of the semifinal against Kentucky that I had moved where I was placing the book I was reading during timeouts, and allowing Kentucky to make a run back in to the game. I re-adjusted the book from the coffee table back to my lap, Connecticut regained control, moved on to the title game, and then won the championship – mostly because during the final game, I figured out that if I kept my hands folded in a certain way, Butler couldn’t score. The Captain points out that that maybe UConn’s defense also had something to do with it, and I certainly don’t discount that it was a factor, but the bottom line is that I won the championship.
5) Predictions:
Miami over Philly in 5
Boston over Knicks in 6
Orlando over Atlanta in 6
Chicago over Indiana in 4
Boston over Miami in 7 (all season I have believed that Baby Davis would end Miami’s season by ripping a rebound out of Chris Bosh’s hands and laying it back in the hoop at the most crucial of moments – obviously, that's still the most likely scenario)
Chicago over Orlando in 6
Chicago over Boston in 7
Lakers win the west. Lakers over Chicago in 6. When this happens, I'm calling Kobe Bryant the greatest player of all-time, since he will have equaled Michael Jordan's six titles, and frankly, while Michael Jordan is easily the best basketball player I have ever seen, it is embarrassing that such a jackhole is the best player ever. When Kobe Bryant is a more palatable option, that's really saying something...
6) I was describing to someone today how excited I am for the new Fast and Furious movie, which comes out later this month, and he was trying to make the point that the Fast and Furious franchise is antithetical to every thing I believe in, since – according to him – “you like movies in which nothing happens, like Lost in Translation.”
Three truths about the Fast and the Furious:
1) If you don’t like the Fast and Furious movies, you’re an idiot.
2) Paul Walker is dreamy, Vin Diesel is a roughneck, and if you like girls, I think there are some cute girls in it, too.
3) This specific Fast and Furious movie takes place in Rio de Janeiro, and all the previews feature that giant Jesus statue on top of the hill in Rio, which is pretty much the freakiest and scariest statue ever made, from what I can tell. I’m not saying because it is Jesus – Jesus is great, I love him – but giant statues, pretty much across the board, are terrifying. I still get freaked out every time I go to the Lincoln Memorial.
Okay, okay, okay - playoffs start Saturday at 3:30 in Miami against the Philadelphia 76ers. Looking forward to-it. If you need me before then, I'll be out in the parking lot, blowing donuts in my Prius. Sooner or later, I may end up in ditch somewhere......but not to-dayyy!!!!
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