6 Thoughts
1) I'm exhausted as a motherfuck because I've been up for, like, 72 straight hours watching the University of Connecticut's championship game on an endless loop in my house (in a related story, I now care about the Heat's playoff run about 30 percent less - can't get greedy, bad jinx ju-ju). At our Under 10 soccer practice tonight, I wanted to punch 6 different kids - and 3 parents - in the face. I'm hungry, and I haven't been to the gym in a week. And now: Chris Bosh. Again. L.e.t.s.g.o. I guess.
2) Look - if I ever defend Chris Bosh again, someone, please, remind of this post. Hahaha, he outplayed Brook Lopez in a Soft Off, ha, that's soooooo funny, until you realize it's not that funny, because other good teams have big players that aren't soft and will kill Chris Bosh (not to pick on Brook Lopez - I'm just saying...). Tonight, Milwaukee guarded him with a small guy who killed him. Luc-Richard Mbah a Moute, who goes maybe a lanky 6'7", tossed Bosh around all night, eventually scaring him out to the perimeter, where Chris proceeded to miss jumper after jumper down the stretch. With Dwyane Wade out nursing his sore right thigh, you would think Chris would be more aggressive - but, no, he decided to go the other way. That's a 6-15 for Chris, with a quiet 7 rebounds - and a 7-14 for his cover, the offensively challenged Luc Richard, to go with 12 rebounds. It was as unwatchable a performance as I can remember. Look, no one is ever going to surpass the 28 game stretch Gary Grant played for us in the 1996-7 season in which he dribbled 23 seconds off the shot clock every offensive possession before driving towards the basket and hurling a layup over the backboard as if it were a live grenade - he's my least favorite Heat player ever. But I think he has crept past Malik Allen (previous # 3), and Jamal Mashburn (# 2), to claim the second spot all to himself. I don't care if we win the next ten titles: me and Chris Bosh are done. And I hate Juwan Howard, too.
3) Do I have to even write about this game? Blahhh, blah, blah. So boring. When do the playoffs start again? (answer: next weekend) Best play of the game: Late in the fourth quarter, ultra-quick Bucks point guard Brandon Jennings had the ball on the sidelines isolated against the aging wonder Mike Bibby, or as I like to call him, "Mr. Lockdown." Jennings gave him a shake this way, and a crossover, then a shake back the other way, and went through the legs, and then one shimmy for good measure - and then dribbled the ball directly out of bounds. Another stop for Mike Bibby! Listen, kid, if you don't think Mike Bibby has seen a fancy dribble or two in his time...
4) In the first half, talking about the Bucks lack of offensive proficiency not affecting their ability to play hard on the defensive end, Tony Fiorentino claimed that was unusual, because "usually there is a carrot in front of the stick, but not for this team." Exactly! Wait- what? Oh, I think he was saying something like, "You get out of it, what you put over it," right? Oh, no, maybe he means, like, "The early bird feeds the worm." Maybe? Oh, oh, it could be: "Two stones do not make a wrong." Whatever he actually meant, I'd like to get my hands on that stick, carrot or no carrot, and thrash Chris Bosh with it. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WHERE IS UDONIS HASLEM? WHERE IS OUR REAL POWER FORWARD? SWEET JESUS, GIVE US BACK UDONIS QUICKLY!!! THERE ARE ONLY FIVE MORE SEASONS LEFT ON WADE AND LEBRON'S CONTRACTS, TIME IS RUNNING OUT, PLEASE GET UDONIS BACK, AND GET CHRIS BOSH OFF THE COURT!!!!
5) Wheewwww, feel a little better. Also, though: What happened to the pick and roll play with Chris? It seems like we used that for about two weeks, after Chris demanded the ball more in the paint, and it was the best Miami, and Bosh, played all season. I feel like they haven't run that in eight games, not once. Am I wrong? So frustrating. I can't wait for the playoff, the draft, and then the ensuing lockout and new collective bargaining agreement to be settled so that at least the possibility exists that we could trade him. What? What would I trade him for? I'd trade him for you!
6) As happens de temps en temps, we have another question in need of an answer, this time from Thor. Here it is - as always, you've come to the right place:
So I have a mate who shall remain nameless because I don’t want to embarrass him, but he had a tough week and I know R.Minutos would appreciate a shout out from Dos. Let me explain, so R.Minutos was out on the town at a fundraiser we were at on Friday night and he brought his Vesper because he was worried about parking. He has a very smart cream colored Vesper with a horn that sounds like you just goosed an adolescent seal. Anyway, ended up he parked in a spot for real cars and not cereal box toys and we all had to run out of the bar to try and stop it being towed.
So we get there and R’s like “what the hell man?” And the tow truck guy looks over at R in his salmon Lacrosse shirt and complex sandals and chuckles and spits his Camel at him. So R pops his collar and tells the guy he will kick his ass “Biscayne style,” which I think involves sending your eggs Benedict back and spilling a mimosa. The guy just swings into the truck’s seat, sticks his head out the window and says, “ step it up, Nancy!” and hits the gas and we all eat a little gravel.
So I guess my question is if a man drives a Vesper and is partial to pink shirts, moisturizer and huge watches, yet is also a former vet, who is happy to get involved in a good scrap followed by wings and beers at Hooters is he confused or just the poster boy for the new-age man?
That's obviously a great question. I gave it quite a bit of thought. I can't be totally sure - because I'm a man, not an electric miniture-bike riding child - but I think it is a "Vespa." Also, is there any chance you mean a "Lacoste" shirt? Goodness gracious - it's becoming pretty clear you didn't grow up in Connecticut!
Next game is Friday against Charlotte. Always a fun time when you play Charlotte: they don't score; you don't score...nobody scores...Should be a great matchup for Chris Bosh...If you need me before then, I'll be out back in my organic garden, tying carrots on to the ends of sticks...See you Friday!
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