6 Thoughts
1) It's Friday night, it's late because I got sucked in to a documentary on Foo Fighters after the game (more on that in #5), it was a dull win against, essentially, a D League team, without much pride taken at the defensive end. With the win, Miami stays even with Boston in the standings, meaning the showdown with the Celtics on Sunday in Miami could well decide the second seed, and who will have the home court advantage in the second round series, for whatever that's worth (for me: not much, but you might as well try to get it). We're blowing through 4 quick game points, reviewing the Foo Fighters' career in #5, and then answering some reader email at #6. Let get it!
2) The most important thing about the game was that Dwyane Wade was back after missing a game with a bruised thigh. He looked fine, physically - sliced his way to the free throw line, and scored 27 points on only 12 shots. We'll talk more about this next week, but Miami is only going as far in these upcoming playoffs as Dwyane carries them. When you play Boston and Chicago, superior defensive teams, individual creativity and shot-making is essential to grind out enough points to win - those aren't LeBron's fortes. Plumber and I have a long-standing theory: some guys on your team, they may not be the best player, they may not be the most efficient player, but they are guys that get you to the end of games - they get their 16 or 18 points, somehow, even inefficiently, and then, at winning time, your best player can take over. For Miami, as absurd as it is, LeBron is one of those guys (partially because we don't have anyone else on the team who can do it). He is the best ever at that - he doesn't get you 18, he gets you 26, and 8 boards, and 7 assists. But down the stretch, he is uncreative, and indecisive, and there isn't a Heat fan alive who doesn't want to see Dwyane with the ball at the end of fourth quarters. I just want to be clear with you, LeBron: this kid won a title for us - in this city, that's just how we do it, we give the ball to Dwyane. LeBron: get us to the fourth quarter close, and give the ball to Dwyane. I don't mind losing, but I don't want to lose with LeBron making crucial decisions instead of Dwyane - that would be excruciating...
3) Chris Bosh's numbers were ridiculously gaudy for a guy whom I thought played a bad game: 27 points and 10 boards on 9-14. I may have crossed over the line with him - nothing he does will ever seem sufficient to me; even if we win a title, I'll find something to complain about with him, simply because I hate bigs who don't play big. On the other hand, I wasn't the one claiming that it was the best game that Charlotte center Kwame Brown had ever played in his 10 year bust of an NBA career - that was Tony and Eric. Kwame went for 23 and 13 on 10-15 shooting. Charlotte was at the rim all night making plays because Miami's defensive intensity was cranked to about a 2. That wasn't only Chris' fault...but he wasn't helping. Just to get off his case, I'm going to try not to mention him anymore. When he shows up big in a tight spot, I'll give him the credit...but I'm not going to continue to point out every night how soft he is - I don't have that many gigabyte-rams on my computer, frankly.
4) Mike Bibby may be the most chill character ever to play for the Heat. He is unaffected - and perhaps, at times, simply unaware - at much of life swirling around him. For instance, when his college team, Arizona, was on the cusp of the Final Four, he professed not to know that they were still playing. When the Milwaukee game on Wednesday was swung by a big no-call on an elbow from Andrew Bogut to his head, after the game, when asked about it, Bibby said, "It was physical out there - what do you want me to say?" And when he gets isolated on defense in space - and that happens a lot - when the offensive player starts throwing fakes at him, he stands there serenely, non-responsive, making him perhaps my favorite Heat defender of all-time (right up until the time when the guy actually starts to dribble by him, and he still doesn't move). Tonight, in the second quarter, on a baseline inbounds play, LeBron James made a hard cut middle, Mario Chalmers lofted a pass skyward towards the rim, and LeBron caught it in full-flight with one hand, and POWER-SLAMMED it in with a windmill jam, causing the whole Heat bench to erupt with excitement! I mean, causing the whole Heat bench, except Mike Bibby, to erupt with excitement! Bibby sat quietly watching it, drinking water from a bottle, and never even raised an eyebrow. Listen, bruh, if you think Mike Bibby hasn't seen a one-armed-tomahawk-dunk-off-an-inbounds-pass or two in his day...
5) As I said, I watched a Foo Fighters documentary after the game. I like Foo Fighters. Like, I don't listen to their albums or anything, but if I hear one of their songs, I enjoy it, and Dave Grohl is like a real American rock star who has had an amazing career. Foo Fighters is one of the few musical issues about which Thor and I (we are the two aging dudes you see at the clubs watching cool shows) disagree. He thinks they are hack-y, but I think he is just bitter because Midnight Oil never really made it big in America...Things we learned tonight about Dave Grohl: he kicked people out of his band or they left his band usually because he was re-playing their drum parts on the records, just like Smashing Pumpkins and Billy Corgan - the only difference is that Dave Grohl pretended to feel bad about it. He has a giant leaf tattoo running the length of each forearm: rad. Finally, he may have had more haircuts than any rock star ever. He had a long, feathered look that I like to call "the gay boy;" he had Beatles-type bangs; he went short for a while; he went beard, no beard, and several different sideburn configurations; and he has now settled in to a long-but-parted-with-beard look, kind of a Gregg Allman-y thing. Seems like a good time to mention that today, for the 100th time, someone, unsolicited, pointed out that I have "kind of a Jason Statham thing going on." Yes, I am white, balding, and my hair is shaved low. I am not English, but I do look great in a tight shirt. Thanks for noticing. Of course, I would prefer Vin Diesel, but I'm a straight up white boy, and he's just trying to pass...
6) Okay, we have been getting a ton of questions this last week or two. I’m sorry if we don’t get to yours quickly, we are really trying to take the more urgent, life-threatening type ones first. It is gratifying to know how much value readers put into this blog as a problem-solving vehicle – obviously, that’s one of its most important functions.
Today’s question is from our reader D.S.:
Ok, my question: Can a woman I just met be put on the approved list when she informs me that she uses one of those CPAC jet fighter masks and that she snored the siding off her house? I’m having one of those “What would Jesus do” moments, and I don’t think I’m going to heaven……. Do you have an opinion?
My initial reaction: What? What the hell kind of question is that? I don’t understand it at all…Do you mean that you like her, and she likes you, but she has some severe form of, like, sleep apnea, and that she has to sleep with a mask on? If that is your question, then my answer is: Of course, go for it! Freaky sleep-apnea sex is awesome! One time I had a relationship with a girl suffering from diverticulitis, but it never got past the heavy petting stage because she got hospitalized, and I bailed. If your question is actually something else, you’re going to have to re-ask it, because I can’t figure it out…
Meaningful game Sunday against the Celtics. If you need me before then, I'll be not going to R.Minutos' Giant Cookie and Taco Bake-Off because I have a previously-scheduled obligation - as far as you know. Cheeeeeeerrrrs!
