6 Thoughts
1) Dwyane Wade: out. Brooks Lopez: out. In the words of the immortal philosopher Tim Hardaway, "Sides is even." Let's go!
2) This game was over some time this afternoon when LeBron decided he could try to give it a go on a sore ankle. He was clearly favoring it - he couldn't jump - but he went down to the block in the first quarter, scored an absurd 22 points on only 7 shots, while getting virtually every wing New Jersey had into foul trouble. From there he clearly labored - scored only 10 more points, and had a gaggle of turnovers - but it was enough. Game was pretty much over after a quarter - Nets never threatened. You are skilled, LeBron. I exhort you!
3) Nets power forward Kris Humphries (who played extremely hard, and was by far the best Net on the court) is, of course, better known for his starring role on "The Kim Kardashian Show," playing a professional basketball player who marries a reality sta- wait, what? That was real life? Wait - does that mean Spencer Kardashian is real, too? Super-awesome! Anyways, M.Minutos opined during the game tonight that he was the rare player that looks better in a basketball uniform than in street clothes (this is a long-standing M.Minutos theory: most players - most humans - don't look great in a tank top). That qualifies as a compliment from M.Minutos, although I think her opinion probably has something to do with the fact that the only times she has ever seen Humphries in street clothes, it's on his tv show when he is getting over-physical and verbally aggressive with a 5'2" woman. To be fair, she seems super-annoying. Still, "no" means "no."
4) Dwyane Wade spent LeBron's postgame on-court interview with Jax standing behind them, jokily holding LeBron's removed shoes in his hands as if he were a butler - really should have been Chris Bosh, The Maitre D's, job. Fans were clamoring for Dwyane to give them LeBron's sneaks - Dwyane thought it over - "Five dollars," he called out to them, laughing. I mention this only to remind people of last year's epic R.Minutos story in this very blog in which he tried to impress an attractive young woman by claiming he had stolen Jean Claude Van Damme's shoe during a strip club brawl, which, somehow, R.Minutos won, despite the fact that JCVD is a martial arts master, although probably only 5'3". All of which is to say: Where is R.Minutos? We need more stories! Don't make me write this blog all by myself!
5) "Hot Seconds With Jax," the Heat's halftime answer to Jeopardy, is back, baby! Tonight's contestant: Mario "Emcee" Chalmers, the 2009-10 champion! One thing we've all noticed about Emcee Chalmers over the years is that he isn't the most aware of basketball players. He often seems to be unaware of score and time; he seems to be unaware of the foul situation; it often appears that he doesn't know the offensive plays, or the proper defensive rotations...But one thing he does know - in fact, he is the only player in the history of "Hot Seconds With Jax" to know - is every single rule involved in "Hot Seconds With Jax!" And there are wayyy more than you would imagine, if you've never seen it. I still can't follow them all. No player in the history of "Hot Seconds With Jax" has ever been aware that you can call a timeout and/or replace a question you don't know the answer to. Sometimes Jax will tell a guy to do it, but no player ever knows to do it on his own. Except Emcee Chalmers, who promptly called a timeout on the three point question, thought about the answer, realized he didn't know it, and then asked to have the question replaced. That is what makes him a champion! Unfortunately, he couldn't answer the replacement question either, almost incredibly: "Name one of the new American Idol judges from last year?" I have never, ever seen even one minute of that show, and I knew both. You can't tell me Emcee Chalmers doesn't watch hours and hours of television - of course he does, he's Emcee Chalmers. How could he not have seen a commercial for American Idol at some point? I mean, Steven Tyler, I'm sure he doesn't know who he is, Emcee doesn't strike me as a big Aerosmith guy, but you're black, Emcee, your people love giant butts! HOW COULD YOU NOT KNOW J.LO??? He posted a solid 7, but that miss is going to kill him. Just like last year, I'm going with Juwan Howard, only because I think he will try. M.Minutos is going with Eddy Curry, who does seem like 200 percent brighter and more personable than I would ever imagine.
6) Had a big argument with The Captain at Dos Minutos International Headquarters late this week when he incorrectly felt that #34 on the Connell High Eagles was over-aggressive on his fouls in the video shown exclusively in this blog last week, and also on Yahoo and Youtube. I couldn't disagree more - in my opinion, for #34 to be successful at the next level, he has to be able to lay the wood to people. "Where that?" The Captain asked, "Prison?"
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We're off until Tuesday night in Golden State - think that is in California, and it might be the dumbest 'location' name of any team, except for 'Detroit.' Until then, if you need me- you know what? I'm thinking of making my own sex tape with M.Minutos, and "accidentally" leaking it to the internet, just like Kim Kardashian and Ray J. Ray J! RAY J! HAAAAAA!!!!!! RAYYY JAYYY!!! See you Tuesday!!!
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