6 Thoughts
1) That looked like the Heat. I mean, it just looked like the Heat. A spunky Atlanta team came to town with the third best record in the East, hung with Miami for a half by making a bunch of long, late-in-the-clock jumpers, and then the Heat just choked them out and cruised in with an easy win. Miami shot 58% from the floor (the first Atlanta opponent over 50% all season) - KJ James and Dwyane Wade combined for 53 points on 22-29 (!), and Shane Battier and Norris Cole made 5 triples in 7 tries as the Heat went 9-21 from behind the arc. Most importantly, the defense stayed at it all night long, even when things didn't bounce their way, against a lot of quickness, and some significant size, The Heat aren't going to bring it every night, no matter how much you want them to. Not 'till the playoffs. But they brought it tonight and handled a good team that played pretty well. Rock solid win. Let it fly!
2) Highlights: well, there were quite a few highlights, and they all pretty much involved Mr. KJ James, who was fantastic - 27 points on 10-16 from the floor, 7 rebounds, 6 assists, and a couple of steals. He played with energy and pace. AND HE PUT ON A ONE MAN DUNK CONTEST, HE DUNKED THE CRAP OUT OF THE BALL ALL NIGHT LONG, GET OUT OF THE WAY ATLANTA HAWKS, THE CHOSEN ONE IS IN YOUR KITCHEN, AND HE IS GOING TO DRINK YOUR MILKSHAKE!!!...First quarter: Ray Allen tracked down a loose ball heading out of bounds, hurled it blindly back up behind him into the air, and former high school football star Norris Cole elevated in between Josh Smith and Lou Williams, came down with the ball, immediately turned and headed up court - pell mell - and was steaming in for an uncontested layup when he suddenly half-turned and dropped the rock to a rumbling KJ who nearly ripped the rim off its hinges! Second quarter: Mike Miller missed an open triple from the high left side but KJ, sprinting down the opposite baseline as Mil-lar released, leaped up from the right side, sailed across the lane, cupped the ball in his left hand as it floated away from the rim, and swung it back down through the iron with extreme aggression! Second quarter, again: Ray Allen politely deflected a Hawks runner in the lane, KJ grabbed the loose ball, took a dribble up court, then threw a forty foot one-bounce laser to a charging...okay, a sprinting...okay, a loping Mario Chalmers. Unfortunately, the pass was intended for Chalmers, but it was calibrated for Dwyane Wade, and it skipped 10 feet past Emcee, out of bounds...Only, NO! - as it was going out of bounds, it bounced off official Karl Lane's leg, and remained in play in the corner, where it was snatched up by Chalmers (yes, he was out run by the official on the play), who teetered on the edge of falling over the baseline in the corner momentarily before righting himself, looking up, and hitting the KJ James locomotive going by for a flying layup past a stunned Hawks team! Fourth quarter: L'il Lou Williams had a short, uncontested floater in the lane - or so he thought - when Joel Anthony flew in from behind, flicked the ball away from the rim towards the corner, Walter Ray tracked it down (again), immediately turned it up court to Norris Cole (again), who blasted pell mell down the left side towards the rim (like always), and when he got to the lane he saw KJ James running the right lane. Al Horford - Al Horford! - was sitting in the lane, and knew the lob was coming, and as Norris pushed it skyward Horford jumped and stretched, forcing Norris to arch it a little higher than he wanted to...And KJ went up, and up, and UPPPP, and cupped it in his giant right hand, arm extended, chest at the rim, AND TOMAHAWK-SPIKED IT DOWN THROUGH THE BASKET LIKE HEISENBERG HIMSELF, LIKE THE ONE WHO KNOCKS!!! KJ JAMES IS THE ONE WHO KNOCKS!!! AHHHHHHH - SEND IT HOME, BIG FELLA, SEND IT HOME!!!
3) The Atlanta Hawks, they aren't bad, they have a nice squad. They replaced old, slow, dribble-happy guards (the somnambulant) Joe Johnson and Kirk Hinrich with Lou Williams and Devin Harris, at far less cost. They are much quicker on the perimeter, they pass the ball more crisply, and the floorboards in Phillips Arena are lasting a lot longer without Johnson trying to pound a hole in them out on each wing. Are they a serious threat in the East? No, of course not, no team with Josh Smith as their best player is a threat to win anything, but for a half tonight they hung with Miami by scooting their guards into the paint, then finding shooters, or, ummm, at least DeShawn Stevenson and Josh Smith, out behind the arc for late triples - Stevenson quickly made four and Smith three before Atlanta cooled off. Or, got cooled off, because even as those guys knocked down frustrating three after frustrating three early, the Heat stayed at it on that end, they kept their defensive shape. Screen and rolls were forced back up top by aggressive hedges; drivers found themselves collapsed on; shooters were closed out on; entry passes were jammed; and plays at the rim, for the most part, were contested. After a hot start, Atlanta finished at 42% from the floor, with 14 turnovers and only 16 assists, and shot only 20 free throws - all areas where the Heat have struggled this season defensively. It helped that Joel Anthony has been reinserted into the rotation (18 minutes tonight), that Shane Battier is back from injury (coming off the bench for now as Spo searches for the right rotation), and Norris Cole is essentially splitting minutes with Emcee Chalmers - Norris is quicker, stronger, and more aggressive defensively - more pell mell - than Chalmers (Cole 23 minutes tonight, Chalmers 24). But Chris Bosh was also quietly effective - did a nice job on screen and rolls and grabbed 10 defensive boards, and Dwyane and KJ were conscientious about getting back on defense. Solid, solid effort - good to see they can still do it when they want to.
4) Well, the Heat have ignored the will of the people and continue to honor alleged former Heat players from pre-2003, when we all agree Heat history started with the drafting of Dwyane Wade. Tonight the honorees were Glen Rice and Steve Smith. If there is anything more bizarre than two buttoned-down white men - very, very white men - Heat announcers Eric Reid and Tony Fiorentino, repeatedly addressing a grown man in conversation as "G-Money" (prompting A.H.Minutos to text me calling that the highlight of the game, even on a night where KJ James had multiple spectacular dunks), it is when, for the third time in the past week, I've heard Eric Reid refer to the fact that he never got to see Steve Smith play in the Heat backcourt with Sherman Douglas (because the Heat traded Douglas) as "the one thing I really regret." Wow! I did eight things myself - today - that I regret more than any mediocre potential backcourt I never got to see play. Eric Reid has lived a charmed life if that is the one thing he really regrets. Gang, you know what I regret? The fact I didn't graduate from college on time because I was too busy practicing for my intramural basketball playoffs, and driving an Oldsmobile through campus in a high speed chase with the campus po-lice, like on the grass and in the quads and stuff - drunk - when I should have been studying. I regret that, that wasn't too smart. You know what Memphis Grizzlies play-by-play man Pete Pranica's biggest regret is? The time he thought he had a permanent Middle East peace treaty negotiated between Anwar Sadat and Benjamin Netanyahu, but then at the last second, through no fault of Paul Pranica's whatsoever, the agreement fell apart, and the Seven Year War broke out. For Eric Reid, though, no - he's haunted by never getting to see Sherman Douglas penetrate, kick it out to a wide open Steve Smith, and Smith clanging the triple off the back iron (he was a mediocre shooter, at best). Listen - we all have our demons...
5) Quick: what percentage of people in America do you think know who Jay Z is? I don't mean that they know all the words to the Black Album, or that they downloaded the mash-it-up by Danger Mouse off of Napster. I mean, just know who he is? My mom is a 70 year old-ish white lady who lives in Connecticut - I'm positive she knows who Jay Z is. I'd ask her right now if she didn't go to bed at 8pm every night. Now, what percentage of people who work in the music business in some way know who Jay Z is? All of them, right? Nope, not all of them. Turns out O.Minutos' guitar teacher, an otherwise normal-seeming 40ish white dude has never, ever even heard of Jay Z. "Should I have?" Ummm, yeah, kinda. Oh well, that's not even the point. The point is Jay Z, who owns a small piece of the New Jersey Nets, but really seems more like a Heat fan, was at the game with Beyonce tonight, sitting in the front row, and at one point the camera panned past them, and who was sitting right behind them, doing whatever - it kind of looked like he was staring at Beyonce's booty - but Miami Heat television host, and Dos Minutos icon, Jason Jackson! What were you doing back there, Jax? I assume he was trying to get an interview with Jay and his gal - if he did, I sped past it on the dvr. If they turned him down, how dare you Jay Z and Beyonce? Apparently you have never seen a little show called "Hot Seconds with Jax." I mean the real one, the game show, not one of the other fake, unsatisfying iterations of the "Hot Seconds" brand (by the way, not sure "iteration" is a word). Guess what, Jay? "American Gangster" sucked - what do you think about that? Yeah, that's right: holla, punk...You don't brush off Jax, that dude will murk ya...
6) "R.Minutos and Dos Minutos Texting Corner." A lot of people with a lot to say about my dinner with Gabrielle Union at South Street in the Design District on Saturday night, including R.Minutos.
Dos: We just ate dinner at south street in midtown. Gabrielle Union was there, i think she was feeling me.
R.Minutos: I met Gab at a sky box for a UM game. It was me, my friend TD, Gaby, and T-Boz. They thought it was our sky box and that they were crashing it. They were VERY accommodating. Then DWade showed up and ruined everything. True story.
Dos: Yeah, she told me about that. She said u never got back to her when she was texting u afterwards.
R.Minutos: She wouldn't send the naked pictures. Btw, she used to date Daniel Tosh so I can see why she liked you.
Dos: Oh, don't worry, she gave me plenty of naked pictures, ill let u check them out next time I see u.
Ummm, yes, I do have kids and a job. What is your point?
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Next game is Wednesday against the Golden State Warriors. The Golden State, ahhh, Oregon, I love it! If you need me before then, I'll be re-looping Jay's chorus from "Hard Knock Life" over some Robin Trower to try to convince O.Minutos' guitar teacher that there is a real person named Jay Z. See you on Wednesday, hip-hoppers!
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Monday, December 10, 2012
Saturday, December 8, 2012
Heat 106 Hornets 90
6 Thoughts
1) I literally have never been more tired. And there is a reason for that: too. much. gin. We doin' this one super-quick style, brief game summary in #2, dunk news in #3, name changes in #4, Hot Seconds with Jax in #5, and restaurant review in #6. Let it fly, quick-fast, in a hurry.
2) New Orleans is fairly terrible, but like every other Heat opponent lately, they came out on fire and scored 25 points in the first six and a half minutes of the game, and led by 7. The Heat have de-rotationed Rashard Lewis in favor of a healthy Shane Battier, and a re-rotationed Joel Anthony. When those two entered the game, the level of energy picked up significantly, the defense improved, and the Heat went on a like a 40-2 run, or something (it wasn't 40-2, but it was significant - I drank too much gin, sorry, sue me for not knowing the exact run numbers). From there, it was a garden-variety home win, 50 points combined for Dwyane Wade and KJ James on only 28 shots, and Battioke, Emcee Chalmers, and Ray Allen combined to hit 7-10 triples. Ball game. This one was never really in doubt. Let's move on crisply, shall we?
3) Dunk news! The good: in the third quarter, Almario Vernard Chalmers acquired a loose ball on the defensive end, and loped up the left side of the court with it at (for him) full speed. Two Hornets were in hot pursuit. Meanwhile, KJ James was thundering down the right side, several paces behind Chalmers and the two Hornets. As Emcee got below the three point line, at some point it became apparent that he was going to attempt to flip the ball backwards up into the air in to the (hopefully) general vicinity of the charging KJ, prompting everyone in Casa Minutos, and also anyone else watching on television who has also ever seen any previous Heat game ever featuring Emcee to go, "uh oh..." But some-kind-of-how, some-kind-of-way, at the moment of truth, Chalmers deftly backhanded the ball skywards just as KJ exploded off the ground, and he met the ball at precisely the perfect location in front of the rim, cupped it, and CRUSHED IT through the basket! I did not see that coming; no one did. Well done, Almario. The bad: also in the third quarter, in the space of about 45 seconds, Chris Bosh missed three dunks. A driving tomahawk attempt in traffic; then a swinging left-handed cup try, which he instantly rebounded, only to miss the follow dunk on the other side of the rim. Then, a few minutes later, early in the fourth quarter, he got another dunk try blocked. You don't see four straight unsuccessful dunks in a row by a 7 footer too often. Pretty impressive. Halfway through the fourth quarter, Norris Cole slipped down the lane, drew defenders, and dropped a perfect pass on Bosh, who politely dunked it to break the streak!
4) The New Orleans franchise re-located from Charlotte several years ago and brought the "Hornets" nickname with them. This week they announced their intention to take a new nickname, the "Pelicans," whereupon the new Charlotte franchise, which is the "Bobcats," said they would go back to "Hornets." First of all, kudos to New Orleans. My very gully preparatory high school, Loomis Chaffee in Windsor, Connecticut, was the Pelicans, and believe me, when we rolled into town with our purple pelican uniforms, with a kid in a giant Pelican head as our mascot, our opponents were instantly intimidated. The city of New Orleans is going to be so fired up to be rooting for Pelicans - I think it is a great idea. You know who is not a fan of the name change, however? You guessed it: Miami Heat play-by-play announcer Eric Reid. He told his partner, colored commentator - ahh, excuse me, color commentator - Tony Fiorentino that he would "find it confusing" if he had to "research information" about the two franchises. Honestly - I really don't know how confusing this could be. I mean, you're going to know which two franchises changed their names, and the years of the name changes. Seems fairly simple, not sure anyone would need a Naval decoding team to help with that. Also, what the hell is Eric Reid researching? Either way, you know who absolutely loves the idea of this name change? You got it again: Memphis Grizzlies play-by-play announcer Pete Pranica, who has somehow negotiated all the pitfalls and potential confusion created by the fact that his franchise, the Memphis Grizzlies, relocated from Vancouver in, ummm, in, ahhh, well, ummm - jeez, I don't know! Eric Reid is absolutely right! There doesn't seem to be any conceivable way for me to acquire this information. On the second thought, this "Pelicans" business seems a lot better in theory than it is in practice. I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to put the kibosh on these name changes: it just is going to make it too difficult for Eric Reid and myself...
5) Three challengers to Ray Allen's (and my) lead in Hot Seconds with Jax. First, Norris Cole came stronger than expected, correctly noting the names of the two Wright Brothers (from his hometown), but he didn't know how many assists he had in his notorious game against Boston last year, and his 5 point question was utterly impossible: which rookies played in all 66 games last year. No one would possibly know that...Shane Battioke posed a serious threat to Ray's lead: but he stumbled out of the gate - did not know which Jonas Brother has his own reality show. He also didn't know how many times the Heat lost back-to-back games at home last season (none), although he did name five coaches with three or more NCAA basketball titles (as far as I'm concerned, there's only one: Jim Calhoun). Not such a smarty-pants today, eh, Battioke? Study harder next time, nerd!...Finally, Dwyane nailed a couple of guesses (knew a character in his girlfriend Gabrielle Union's movie - more on her in #6; knew the Chicago Blackhawks won a hockey championship), but stumbled on another brutal five pointer asking him to name all five mascots in the history of his alma mater, Marquette University. He couldn't do it, so Walter Ray continues to lead. Bring it home, Walter Ray, bring it home!
6) Went with M.Minutos to the very hipster-ish new hangout South Street in the Design District in midtown Miami. It is Art Basel week in Miami (for non-Miamians, it's a huge, city-wide celebration of the arts - basically just a giant party), so midtown was teeming with people. South Street is supercool, and it is where all the "leading blacks" go (in the famous basketball documentary "Hoop Dreams," an old white high school coach asks a black player of his who just returned from a recruiting trip to a college if he met with any of the "leading blacks on campus"). Dwyane Wade rented it out for Thanksgiving. The restaurant serves fresh, creative drinks, and a fusion of soul and neo-soul food, just like the music they play. We had short ribs, fried green tomatoes, a kale and quinoa salad, and cobbler for dessert. We went to town - oh, and: too. much. gin. The staff is super-ill, it's in the old post office spot that used to house Michelle Bernstein's Sra. Martinez - everything about it is good. Definitely check it out. We were sitting outside, so at one point I went in to use the washroom, and I walked by a big booth, and who do I see sitting amongst a group of "leading blacks?" Yes, Dwyane Wade's girlfriend, and my ex-, Gabrielle Union. She and I broke up just about the same time I started seeing US women's soccer star Alex Morgan, whom I subsequently left for, ummm, Ryan Gosling. I wasn't totally sure it was Gabrielle, even though I know via Twitter that she eats there often, so I sent M.Minutos in on reconnaissance, and she was also not certain. However, when Gabrielle and her entourage emerged from the restaurant and hopped into a chauffeured giant SUV at 7 pm - just the perfect time to head over to The Trip for the game - as she passed our table, she flashed her signature dimpled smile, and M.Minutos and I both knew it was her. I know that M.Minutos thinks that smile was just because her car as ready, so - shhhh- don't tell her that it was really for me. There really was something in the way she blew past our table, almost as if she didn't notice me sitting there, that smacked of trying just a little bit too hard to forget me. And another thing - Gabrielle Union in person, cute, yes, but not the glamourous movie star that you always see on tv and in movies. She's closer to my age than to Dwyane's, and I'm gonna tell ya - not sure she's aged as well as I have. Maybe I shouldn't be the judge of that, maybe I'm not that objective, but I doubt many people would disagree...
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Okay, we're done. Still exhausted, more exhausted, can't wait to get into bed and dream about how much I don't even care about Gabrielle Union. Our next game is Monday against the slightly-less-boring-now-that-Joe-Johnson-is-gone-but-100-times-less-exciting-because-Mike-Bibby-is-also-gone Atlanta Hawks. If you need me before then, I'll be at South Street restaurant, sitting in the second booth in against the wall to the left. What? I mean, yes, I guess that is the booth right next to where Gabrielle Union was sitting tonight, but that's a total coincidence - I'll be sitting there because I loved the short ribs, and I think that booth is the best spot in the house. That's a bizarre question on your part, don't even know why you would ask that at all, you seem kind of obsessed with this whole Gabrielle Union thing..See Monday, you beautiful patrons of the arts...
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1) I literally have never been more tired. And there is a reason for that: too. much. gin. We doin' this one super-quick style, brief game summary in #2, dunk news in #3, name changes in #4, Hot Seconds with Jax in #5, and restaurant review in #6. Let it fly, quick-fast, in a hurry.
2) New Orleans is fairly terrible, but like every other Heat opponent lately, they came out on fire and scored 25 points in the first six and a half minutes of the game, and led by 7. The Heat have de-rotationed Rashard Lewis in favor of a healthy Shane Battier, and a re-rotationed Joel Anthony. When those two entered the game, the level of energy picked up significantly, the defense improved, and the Heat went on a like a 40-2 run, or something (it wasn't 40-2, but it was significant - I drank too much gin, sorry, sue me for not knowing the exact run numbers). From there, it was a garden-variety home win, 50 points combined for Dwyane Wade and KJ James on only 28 shots, and Battioke, Emcee Chalmers, and Ray Allen combined to hit 7-10 triples. Ball game. This one was never really in doubt. Let's move on crisply, shall we?
3) Dunk news! The good: in the third quarter, Almario Vernard Chalmers acquired a loose ball on the defensive end, and loped up the left side of the court with it at (for him) full speed. Two Hornets were in hot pursuit. Meanwhile, KJ James was thundering down the right side, several paces behind Chalmers and the two Hornets. As Emcee got below the three point line, at some point it became apparent that he was going to attempt to flip the ball backwards up into the air in to the (hopefully) general vicinity of the charging KJ, prompting everyone in Casa Minutos, and also anyone else watching on television who has also ever seen any previous Heat game ever featuring Emcee to go, "uh oh..." But some-kind-of-how, some-kind-of-way, at the moment of truth, Chalmers deftly backhanded the ball skywards just as KJ exploded off the ground, and he met the ball at precisely the perfect location in front of the rim, cupped it, and CRUSHED IT through the basket! I did not see that coming; no one did. Well done, Almario. The bad: also in the third quarter, in the space of about 45 seconds, Chris Bosh missed three dunks. A driving tomahawk attempt in traffic; then a swinging left-handed cup try, which he instantly rebounded, only to miss the follow dunk on the other side of the rim. Then, a few minutes later, early in the fourth quarter, he got another dunk try blocked. You don't see four straight unsuccessful dunks in a row by a 7 footer too often. Pretty impressive. Halfway through the fourth quarter, Norris Cole slipped down the lane, drew defenders, and dropped a perfect pass on Bosh, who politely dunked it to break the streak!
4) The New Orleans franchise re-located from Charlotte several years ago and brought the "Hornets" nickname with them. This week they announced their intention to take a new nickname, the "Pelicans," whereupon the new Charlotte franchise, which is the "Bobcats," said they would go back to "Hornets." First of all, kudos to New Orleans. My very gully preparatory high school, Loomis Chaffee in Windsor, Connecticut, was the Pelicans, and believe me, when we rolled into town with our purple pelican uniforms, with a kid in a giant Pelican head as our mascot, our opponents were instantly intimidated. The city of New Orleans is going to be so fired up to be rooting for Pelicans - I think it is a great idea. You know who is not a fan of the name change, however? You guessed it: Miami Heat play-by-play announcer Eric Reid. He told his partner, colored commentator - ahh, excuse me, color commentator - Tony Fiorentino that he would "find it confusing" if he had to "research information" about the two franchises. Honestly - I really don't know how confusing this could be. I mean, you're going to know which two franchises changed their names, and the years of the name changes. Seems fairly simple, not sure anyone would need a Naval decoding team to help with that. Also, what the hell is Eric Reid researching? Either way, you know who absolutely loves the idea of this name change? You got it again: Memphis Grizzlies play-by-play announcer Pete Pranica, who has somehow negotiated all the pitfalls and potential confusion created by the fact that his franchise, the Memphis Grizzlies, relocated from Vancouver in, ummm, in, ahhh, well, ummm - jeez, I don't know! Eric Reid is absolutely right! There doesn't seem to be any conceivable way for me to acquire this information. On the second thought, this "Pelicans" business seems a lot better in theory than it is in practice. I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to put the kibosh on these name changes: it just is going to make it too difficult for Eric Reid and myself...
5) Three challengers to Ray Allen's (and my) lead in Hot Seconds with Jax. First, Norris Cole came stronger than expected, correctly noting the names of the two Wright Brothers (from his hometown), but he didn't know how many assists he had in his notorious game against Boston last year, and his 5 point question was utterly impossible: which rookies played in all 66 games last year. No one would possibly know that...Shane Battioke posed a serious threat to Ray's lead: but he stumbled out of the gate - did not know which Jonas Brother has his own reality show. He also didn't know how many times the Heat lost back-to-back games at home last season (none), although he did name five coaches with three or more NCAA basketball titles (as far as I'm concerned, there's only one: Jim Calhoun). Not such a smarty-pants today, eh, Battioke? Study harder next time, nerd!...Finally, Dwyane nailed a couple of guesses (knew a character in his girlfriend Gabrielle Union's movie - more on her in #6; knew the Chicago Blackhawks won a hockey championship), but stumbled on another brutal five pointer asking him to name all five mascots in the history of his alma mater, Marquette University. He couldn't do it, so Walter Ray continues to lead. Bring it home, Walter Ray, bring it home!
6) Went with M.Minutos to the very hipster-ish new hangout South Street in the Design District in midtown Miami. It is Art Basel week in Miami (for non-Miamians, it's a huge, city-wide celebration of the arts - basically just a giant party), so midtown was teeming with people. South Street is supercool, and it is where all the "leading blacks" go (in the famous basketball documentary "Hoop Dreams," an old white high school coach asks a black player of his who just returned from a recruiting trip to a college if he met with any of the "leading blacks on campus"). Dwyane Wade rented it out for Thanksgiving. The restaurant serves fresh, creative drinks, and a fusion of soul and neo-soul food, just like the music they play. We had short ribs, fried green tomatoes, a kale and quinoa salad, and cobbler for dessert. We went to town - oh, and: too. much. gin. The staff is super-ill, it's in the old post office spot that used to house Michelle Bernstein's Sra. Martinez - everything about it is good. Definitely check it out. We were sitting outside, so at one point I went in to use the washroom, and I walked by a big booth, and who do I see sitting amongst a group of "leading blacks?" Yes, Dwyane Wade's girlfriend, and my ex-, Gabrielle Union. She and I broke up just about the same time I started seeing US women's soccer star Alex Morgan, whom I subsequently left for, ummm, Ryan Gosling. I wasn't totally sure it was Gabrielle, even though I know via Twitter that she eats there often, so I sent M.Minutos in on reconnaissance, and she was also not certain. However, when Gabrielle and her entourage emerged from the restaurant and hopped into a chauffeured giant SUV at 7 pm - just the perfect time to head over to The Trip for the game - as she passed our table, she flashed her signature dimpled smile, and M.Minutos and I both knew it was her. I know that M.Minutos thinks that smile was just because her car as ready, so - shhhh- don't tell her that it was really for me. There really was something in the way she blew past our table, almost as if she didn't notice me sitting there, that smacked of trying just a little bit too hard to forget me. And another thing - Gabrielle Union in person, cute, yes, but not the glamourous movie star that you always see on tv and in movies. She's closer to my age than to Dwyane's, and I'm gonna tell ya - not sure she's aged as well as I have. Maybe I shouldn't be the judge of that, maybe I'm not that objective, but I doubt many people would disagree...
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Okay, we're done. Still exhausted, more exhausted, can't wait to get into bed and dream about how much I don't even care about Gabrielle Union. Our next game is Monday against the slightly-less-boring-now-that-Joe-Johnson-is-gone-but-100-times-less-exciting-because-Mike-Bibby-is-also-gone Atlanta Hawks. If you need me before then, I'll be at South Street restaurant, sitting in the second booth in against the wall to the left. What? I mean, yes, I guess that is the booth right next to where Gabrielle Union was sitting tonight, but that's a total coincidence - I'll be sitting there because I loved the short ribs, and I think that booth is the best spot in the house. That's a bizarre question on your part, don't even know why you would ask that at all, you seem kind of obsessed with this whole Gabrielle Union thing..See Monday, you beautiful patrons of the arts...
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Thursday, December 6, 2012
Knicks 112 Heat 92
6 Thoughts
1) Well, I'm not gonna lie - that was terrible. I mean, Miami was terrible. They went out on their home floor, two nights after they got embarrassed by the worst team in the league, against a team that humiliated them up in New York in the season's first meeting, and they got smoked, right from the jump. Without Carmelo Anthony, who missed the game (had a prior engagement scheduled at Art Basel)! Miami got 18 points and 7 assists from KJ James in the first half to stay close, but they were getting out hustled all over the court, and in the third quarter the Knicks poured in 8 triples and blew the game wide open. This is statistical fact: good teams almost never get blown out at home. If this was the kind of website where we looked up statistics, I'd look those numbers up for you, but this isn't that kind of website, so you'll have to trust me. The statistics say that good teams almost never get blown out at home. And Miami just got hammered in Miami. The Knicks let it fly (again) tonight, but we can't, since we lost, so let's settle for a very quiet and humble, "let's go and get this over with"...Please?
2) In the first meeting of the season, New York shot a scorching 19-36 on triples. It was ridiculous, and the most threes the Miami franchise, which originated in 2003, has ever given up in a game. The Knicks cooled off significantly tonight: only made 17 triples on 44 tries! Holy Felton! They missed their last 4 in garbage time, so at one point they were still a smoking hot 17-40! Their point guard, the rotund Raymond Felton, dropped 6, Steve Novak drilled 4, and Jason Kidd and Junior Smith made 3 each. The Knicks lead the league in three point attempts, three point makes, and are third in accuracy. They move the ball great because they start two point guards in Felton and Kidd, and bring another point guard off the bench, Petey Pablioni (or something - he's a 35 year old rookie from Argentina, not sure of his name but I like him - quick feet, good ballhandler, moves the ball well). Junior Smith is also a pretty good passer. Okay, that's fine, that's all well and good. At a certain point, someone on Miami has to bend down into a defensive stance, get in front of the ball, and stay in front of the ball. They just don't do it, game after game after game. They accept almost every little-big switch: so Wade will be guarding the ball, Tyson Chandler will set a high screen, and Wade and Bosh will politely switch men. Felton will then toast Bosh, get into the lane, draw help, kick to a wide open shooter, Miami will scramble, and the Knicks will rotate the ball until a superior shooter has a wide open look at it. Some of the Knicks triples were crazy - Felton and Kidd each hit a couple of bad, contested looks off the dribble; but too many were open. That's happening wayyy too often. Dwyane Wade has to bend over and play D. KJ (at times) has to bend over and play D. So does Chalmers. So does Walter Ray Allen. So does everyone else. Defense is hard-ass work, you can't take it easy and play good defense. The Knicks are an excellent defensive team, so well-coached on that end - they shell up around the paint, keep five guys on a string in front of the ball, and make everything tough. They put in the work. Miami has wandered far, far away from that right now...
3) KJ was pretty good, I thought. The Knicks play great team defense - they show him 5 guys all night, every possession. Still, he had 31 points on 11-20, and 9 assists. He also had 10 boards and 3 steals. If he didn't make a play for the Heat tonight, they didn't make a play, cuz nobody helped...
4) ...and Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh hurt, frankly. They combined to shoot 6-25. That's mind-bogglingly bad. One thing about Dwyane Wade, especially: when he's bad, he's really, really harmful, because he doesn't slow down, he doesn't stop shooting. In fact, when he struggles, he seems to ramp it up more, he shoots more shots, crazier shots, like dribble-into-two-guys-and-try-to-scoop-the-ball-into-the-hoop-on-the-dead-run-from-17-feet crazy. He's really only played 1 or 2 superior games all season. I say it again: I don't know if he's hurt and needs to be sat down for awhile; still recovering from off season surgery and needs to play to work his legs back under him; or just old, this is just how he plays now. It's not my job to know - it's Coach Spo's. What did Coach Spo have to say after a third quarter in which the Heat gave up 37 points to a team without its best offensive player? "We have to stay the course." Aye aye, Sir!
5) Raymond Felton, the Knicks point guard, is a long-time favorite of mine. He's a rotund, pass-first point guard with a quick first step, he can shoot it a bit, he's a very good passer, and he competes hard. Have always liked him, he played for a while in Denver after the Knicks traded him, and I'm glad to see him back in New York and playing well. He was especially terrific tonight, he just killed Miami both off the dribble, and with the jumper, and finished with 27 and 7 dimes. Best of all was the pre-game interview in which he praised Knicks head coach Mike Woodson (who has re-grown his eyebrows and looks absolutely terrific), saying "he makes basketball fun. Basketball is supposed to be fun, it's not supposed to be devastating." Oh my goodness - what was going on in Denver that Ray Felton described the experience as devastating? In Denver? I mean, yes, if he had been traded to Oklahoma City and forced to play with the unreasonably irritable and irritating Russell Westbrook, that would be devastating. Ditto times a thousand if he had been traded to Boston with Rondo and Garnett. But Denver? Kenyon Martin wasn't even there last year...Also, are those the only two options for NBA basketball? Fun or devastating? Narrow range of experiences...
6) Guess what is coming back in January? The new Dallas!!! On TNT! Just saw the ad tonight during the game! You know when that starts back up, this blog turns into Oil Minutos! Which reminds me: a lot of people have asked me to comment on Larry Hagman's death, to which I say: HA! You believe that? You really think Larry Hagman is dead? Have you ever watched Dallas? He is playing you all for suckers! He'll be back, trust me, he'll be back.
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Next game is Saturday against New Orleans. We'll see if we decide to play any defense that night - I'll be watching that game a little late because I'll be going to Art Basel, then out to dinner in Miami, then taking M.Minutos to the Super 8 in Kendall to booty booty her (shhhh - it's a surprise), before coming home to watch the game. If you need me before then, I'll be re-hanging my John Ross poster in the living room. See you Saturday, Wildcatters!
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1) Well, I'm not gonna lie - that was terrible. I mean, Miami was terrible. They went out on their home floor, two nights after they got embarrassed by the worst team in the league, against a team that humiliated them up in New York in the season's first meeting, and they got smoked, right from the jump. Without Carmelo Anthony, who missed the game (had a prior engagement scheduled at Art Basel)! Miami got 18 points and 7 assists from KJ James in the first half to stay close, but they were getting out hustled all over the court, and in the third quarter the Knicks poured in 8 triples and blew the game wide open. This is statistical fact: good teams almost never get blown out at home. If this was the kind of website where we looked up statistics, I'd look those numbers up for you, but this isn't that kind of website, so you'll have to trust me. The statistics say that good teams almost never get blown out at home. And Miami just got hammered in Miami. The Knicks let it fly (again) tonight, but we can't, since we lost, so let's settle for a very quiet and humble, "let's go and get this over with"...Please?
2) In the first meeting of the season, New York shot a scorching 19-36 on triples. It was ridiculous, and the most threes the Miami franchise, which originated in 2003, has ever given up in a game. The Knicks cooled off significantly tonight: only made 17 triples on 44 tries! Holy Felton! They missed their last 4 in garbage time, so at one point they were still a smoking hot 17-40! Their point guard, the rotund Raymond Felton, dropped 6, Steve Novak drilled 4, and Jason Kidd and Junior Smith made 3 each. The Knicks lead the league in three point attempts, three point makes, and are third in accuracy. They move the ball great because they start two point guards in Felton and Kidd, and bring another point guard off the bench, Petey Pablioni (or something - he's a 35 year old rookie from Argentina, not sure of his name but I like him - quick feet, good ballhandler, moves the ball well). Junior Smith is also a pretty good passer. Okay, that's fine, that's all well and good. At a certain point, someone on Miami has to bend down into a defensive stance, get in front of the ball, and stay in front of the ball. They just don't do it, game after game after game. They accept almost every little-big switch: so Wade will be guarding the ball, Tyson Chandler will set a high screen, and Wade and Bosh will politely switch men. Felton will then toast Bosh, get into the lane, draw help, kick to a wide open shooter, Miami will scramble, and the Knicks will rotate the ball until a superior shooter has a wide open look at it. Some of the Knicks triples were crazy - Felton and Kidd each hit a couple of bad, contested looks off the dribble; but too many were open. That's happening wayyy too often. Dwyane Wade has to bend over and play D. KJ (at times) has to bend over and play D. So does Chalmers. So does Walter Ray Allen. So does everyone else. Defense is hard-ass work, you can't take it easy and play good defense. The Knicks are an excellent defensive team, so well-coached on that end - they shell up around the paint, keep five guys on a string in front of the ball, and make everything tough. They put in the work. Miami has wandered far, far away from that right now...
3) KJ was pretty good, I thought. The Knicks play great team defense - they show him 5 guys all night, every possession. Still, he had 31 points on 11-20, and 9 assists. He also had 10 boards and 3 steals. If he didn't make a play for the Heat tonight, they didn't make a play, cuz nobody helped...
4) ...and Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh hurt, frankly. They combined to shoot 6-25. That's mind-bogglingly bad. One thing about Dwyane Wade, especially: when he's bad, he's really, really harmful, because he doesn't slow down, he doesn't stop shooting. In fact, when he struggles, he seems to ramp it up more, he shoots more shots, crazier shots, like dribble-into-two-guys-and-try-to-scoop-the-ball-into-the-hoop-on-the-dead-run-from-17-feet crazy. He's really only played 1 or 2 superior games all season. I say it again: I don't know if he's hurt and needs to be sat down for awhile; still recovering from off season surgery and needs to play to work his legs back under him; or just old, this is just how he plays now. It's not my job to know - it's Coach Spo's. What did Coach Spo have to say after a third quarter in which the Heat gave up 37 points to a team without its best offensive player? "We have to stay the course." Aye aye, Sir!
5) Raymond Felton, the Knicks point guard, is a long-time favorite of mine. He's a rotund, pass-first point guard with a quick first step, he can shoot it a bit, he's a very good passer, and he competes hard. Have always liked him, he played for a while in Denver after the Knicks traded him, and I'm glad to see him back in New York and playing well. He was especially terrific tonight, he just killed Miami both off the dribble, and with the jumper, and finished with 27 and 7 dimes. Best of all was the pre-game interview in which he praised Knicks head coach Mike Woodson (who has re-grown his eyebrows and looks absolutely terrific), saying "he makes basketball fun. Basketball is supposed to be fun, it's not supposed to be devastating." Oh my goodness - what was going on in Denver that Ray Felton described the experience as devastating? In Denver? I mean, yes, if he had been traded to Oklahoma City and forced to play with the unreasonably irritable and irritating Russell Westbrook, that would be devastating. Ditto times a thousand if he had been traded to Boston with Rondo and Garnett. But Denver? Kenyon Martin wasn't even there last year...Also, are those the only two options for NBA basketball? Fun or devastating? Narrow range of experiences...
6) Guess what is coming back in January? The new Dallas!!! On TNT! Just saw the ad tonight during the game! You know when that starts back up, this blog turns into Oil Minutos! Which reminds me: a lot of people have asked me to comment on Larry Hagman's death, to which I say: HA! You believe that? You really think Larry Hagman is dead? Have you ever watched Dallas? He is playing you all for suckers! He'll be back, trust me, he'll be back.
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Next game is Saturday against New Orleans. We'll see if we decide to play any defense that night - I'll be watching that game a little late because I'll be going to Art Basel, then out to dinner in Miami, then taking M.Minutos to the Super 8 in Kendall to booty booty her (shhhh - it's a surprise), before coming home to watch the game. If you need me before then, I'll be re-hanging my John Ross poster in the living room. See you Saturday, Wildcatters!
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Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Wizards 105 Heat 101
6 Thoughts
1) The Heat just lost to the 1-13 Wizards. Watching that was like throwing up on yourself, then having to sit there in it for 2 hours, and then in the fourth quarter, right at the end, the throw up physically attacks you! Yechhh! I wouldn't even say the Wizards played that well - Miami was terrible. They've been terrible for weeks - they were riding one of the softest 6 game win streaks ever - the only real good team in the bunch was the Spurs, and they didn't play their top five guys! What does it mean? Honestly, nothing. It's December. But let's quickly recount the awfulness - surprisingly, we have a few complaints - and then bounce. I have a University of Connecticut game to watch! We aren't letting it fly, though. No letting it fly after losses. Mike Mil-lar wouldn't want that, he's all about the team, not selling energy drinks. Okay, maybe a little about selling energy drinks...
2) KJ James was excruciatingly bad. Yet, he somehow had a triple double: 26 points, 13 rebounds, 11 assists, 3 steals and 2 blocks. But he played with all the energy of Joe Johnson (zzzzzzz...), missed two triples and a pair of free throws in the last couple of minutes, and seemed aggravated all night. Best guess as to the source of his aggravation: Rashard Lewis! He's starting in place of Shane Battier, who should be returning soon (and thank God - this team could use a professional defender right now; really, they could just use an adult). Lewis only played 15 minutes, and he only took one shot, mostly because he only touched the ball one time. He also set a season high for "most times jumping in a game," with 1, when he hopped up over two Wizards and tapped an offensive rebound back out to the perimeter. But, man, he might be the worst defensive player I've ever seen. Somehow he is constantly standing directly under the basket on defense. It's, like, if Rashard Lewis ever turned up missing, if you ever saw his face on a milk carton, if his wife ever filed a missing persons report on him, trust me: just look in the Heat's restricted area directly under the rim. I don't know why he goes there, it's not even a good spot to go. Generally what happens is that someone on the Heat gets beaten off the dribble because they are half-assing it, and expecting help, and the help is Rashard Lewis standing directly under the net, and then the dude dribbles in, lays it in the basket, and Rashard Lewis kind of puts his forearms out to ward the guy off so he doesn't smash into his face, If you aren't going to be a deterrent anyways, it would be better to just stand out of bounds so that the guy doesn't run into you and the ball doesn't drop on to your head. In the third quarter there was one series of Wizards hoops at the rim where Lewis had help responsibilities and never moved, and after the last one, KJ stormed away from him frustratedly. To me, Lewis is unplayable - he's not an NBA level player right now. Which wouldn't be such a problem if...
3) ...Udonis Haslem were an NBA level player right now. But he's not either. He has a different defensive approach than Lewis - he sort of scrambles around inside until the ball enters, and then he fouls as hard as he can. Equally ineffective, though. And he misses open 14 footers. And he misses open 14 footers. And he misses open 14 footers. And he misses open 14 footers. He had one 40 second stretch in the first quarter where he fouled a dude on a layup, then didn't get up the lane in time to stop another layup, then rolled to the hoop and dropped a perfect pass from KJ which triggered a runout the other way, then ran back and caught up just in time to foul the Wizard who was trying to put back the initial miss in transition. He is awful right now. I love him as a player and a person, but he's actually beyond awful. To me, he's also unplayable, he's not an NBA level player. God only knows why Spo won't play Joel Anthony ahead of these two dudes. He's a far better defender; he's 100 times better finishing in traffic - at least he can jump and dunk; and, sadly, I think he has better hands than UD now. He also won't shoot 14 footers - UD doesn't seem to know to stop. It doesn't make any sense not to play him at this point. Or Jorts! Where is Jorts?
4) While we are complaining, let's get it all out. Can somebody please throw Chris Bosh the ball? I feel like he's not even on the team any more. He had 20 points on 8-11, and also added 4 dimes. Why is he not touching the ball more? Just throw him the ball and let him take dudes apart. NO ONE CAN GUARD HIM. Also made another three pointer! That's 3! Only 48 more to go over 50 and make my prediction reality! Let it fly, Chris Bosh! Only you, and no one else!
5) More complaining. This is some anniversary year for the Heat, I'm not even sure what, I don't pay that much attention. Let me ask M.Minutos, she'll know...She knew, it's the 25th anniversary, their 25th season. So they keep showing "great" moments from the past, and invariably some of them feature Rony Seikaly, Sherman Douglas, or the tiresome, tiresome "Take Charge Man," Grant Long (like that isn't the worst nickname of all-time - he took a lot of charges, get it?). A game or two ago, we honored Sherman Douglas, who played like two seasons for Miami. Listen: it's not a proud history. Let's just all agree that Miami Heat history starts with Dwyane Wade's arrival like 10 seasons ago. If you want to reference the Zo and Tim years a bit, okay, I guess we can live with that, but just remember that those years were excruciatingly painful, nothing good whatsoever ever came out of any of those seasons, we'd play hard, win 58 games, and then get embarrassed by the Knicks in the playoffs after they won 12 games in the regular season. Good times! No more Kevin Edwards, no more Rory Sparrow, no more John Shasky. It's over, no more of that stuff. If we have to be like the Hornets or the Nets and move to, like, Naples to pretend we are a different team and escape our atrocious history, so be it, I'm in on that. I mean, those early teams were coached by Ron Rothstein and Tony Fiorentino, it'd be tough to even prove we were trying to win games...
6) Best possible name for the royal baby, if it is a boy: Gaston. Worst possible name for the royal baby, if it is a boy: Lucifer. If it is a girl, no one cares, name it whatever you want.
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Okay, next game is Thursday against the New York Knicks. It is the first interesting game on the schedule in a while. Sadly, the only really interesting regular season games for Miami are the Knicks (because we hate them); the Lakers (ditto); the Celtics (quadruple ditto - infinity ditto!); and OKC (because they are good, and Russell Westbrook is reprehensible). Beyond that, mehhh - wake me up when the playoffs start! If you need me before then, I'll be hacking into Heat.com to erase Grant Long's single-season charges drawn record off the books. See you Thursday, Anglophiles!
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1) The Heat just lost to the 1-13 Wizards. Watching that was like throwing up on yourself, then having to sit there in it for 2 hours, and then in the fourth quarter, right at the end, the throw up physically attacks you! Yechhh! I wouldn't even say the Wizards played that well - Miami was terrible. They've been terrible for weeks - they were riding one of the softest 6 game win streaks ever - the only real good team in the bunch was the Spurs, and they didn't play their top five guys! What does it mean? Honestly, nothing. It's December. But let's quickly recount the awfulness - surprisingly, we have a few complaints - and then bounce. I have a University of Connecticut game to watch! We aren't letting it fly, though. No letting it fly after losses. Mike Mil-lar wouldn't want that, he's all about the team, not selling energy drinks. Okay, maybe a little about selling energy drinks...
2) KJ James was excruciatingly bad. Yet, he somehow had a triple double: 26 points, 13 rebounds, 11 assists, 3 steals and 2 blocks. But he played with all the energy of Joe Johnson (zzzzzzz...), missed two triples and a pair of free throws in the last couple of minutes, and seemed aggravated all night. Best guess as to the source of his aggravation: Rashard Lewis! He's starting in place of Shane Battier, who should be returning soon (and thank God - this team could use a professional defender right now; really, they could just use an adult). Lewis only played 15 minutes, and he only took one shot, mostly because he only touched the ball one time. He also set a season high for "most times jumping in a game," with 1, when he hopped up over two Wizards and tapped an offensive rebound back out to the perimeter. But, man, he might be the worst defensive player I've ever seen. Somehow he is constantly standing directly under the basket on defense. It's, like, if Rashard Lewis ever turned up missing, if you ever saw his face on a milk carton, if his wife ever filed a missing persons report on him, trust me: just look in the Heat's restricted area directly under the rim. I don't know why he goes there, it's not even a good spot to go. Generally what happens is that someone on the Heat gets beaten off the dribble because they are half-assing it, and expecting help, and the help is Rashard Lewis standing directly under the net, and then the dude dribbles in, lays it in the basket, and Rashard Lewis kind of puts his forearms out to ward the guy off so he doesn't smash into his face, If you aren't going to be a deterrent anyways, it would be better to just stand out of bounds so that the guy doesn't run into you and the ball doesn't drop on to your head. In the third quarter there was one series of Wizards hoops at the rim where Lewis had help responsibilities and never moved, and after the last one, KJ stormed away from him frustratedly. To me, Lewis is unplayable - he's not an NBA level player right now. Which wouldn't be such a problem if...
3) ...Udonis Haslem were an NBA level player right now. But he's not either. He has a different defensive approach than Lewis - he sort of scrambles around inside until the ball enters, and then he fouls as hard as he can. Equally ineffective, though. And he misses open 14 footers. And he misses open 14 footers. And he misses open 14 footers. And he misses open 14 footers. He had one 40 second stretch in the first quarter where he fouled a dude on a layup, then didn't get up the lane in time to stop another layup, then rolled to the hoop and dropped a perfect pass from KJ which triggered a runout the other way, then ran back and caught up just in time to foul the Wizard who was trying to put back the initial miss in transition. He is awful right now. I love him as a player and a person, but he's actually beyond awful. To me, he's also unplayable, he's not an NBA level player. God only knows why Spo won't play Joel Anthony ahead of these two dudes. He's a far better defender; he's 100 times better finishing in traffic - at least he can jump and dunk; and, sadly, I think he has better hands than UD now. He also won't shoot 14 footers - UD doesn't seem to know to stop. It doesn't make any sense not to play him at this point. Or Jorts! Where is Jorts?
4) While we are complaining, let's get it all out. Can somebody please throw Chris Bosh the ball? I feel like he's not even on the team any more. He had 20 points on 8-11, and also added 4 dimes. Why is he not touching the ball more? Just throw him the ball and let him take dudes apart. NO ONE CAN GUARD HIM. Also made another three pointer! That's 3! Only 48 more to go over 50 and make my prediction reality! Let it fly, Chris Bosh! Only you, and no one else!
5) More complaining. This is some anniversary year for the Heat, I'm not even sure what, I don't pay that much attention. Let me ask M.Minutos, she'll know...She knew, it's the 25th anniversary, their 25th season. So they keep showing "great" moments from the past, and invariably some of them feature Rony Seikaly, Sherman Douglas, or the tiresome, tiresome "Take Charge Man," Grant Long (like that isn't the worst nickname of all-time - he took a lot of charges, get it?). A game or two ago, we honored Sherman Douglas, who played like two seasons for Miami. Listen: it's not a proud history. Let's just all agree that Miami Heat history starts with Dwyane Wade's arrival like 10 seasons ago. If you want to reference the Zo and Tim years a bit, okay, I guess we can live with that, but just remember that those years were excruciatingly painful, nothing good whatsoever ever came out of any of those seasons, we'd play hard, win 58 games, and then get embarrassed by the Knicks in the playoffs after they won 12 games in the regular season. Good times! No more Kevin Edwards, no more Rory Sparrow, no more John Shasky. It's over, no more of that stuff. If we have to be like the Hornets or the Nets and move to, like, Naples to pretend we are a different team and escape our atrocious history, so be it, I'm in on that. I mean, those early teams were coached by Ron Rothstein and Tony Fiorentino, it'd be tough to even prove we were trying to win games...
6) Best possible name for the royal baby, if it is a boy: Gaston. Worst possible name for the royal baby, if it is a boy: Lucifer. If it is a girl, no one cares, name it whatever you want.
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Okay, next game is Thursday against the New York Knicks. It is the first interesting game on the schedule in a while. Sadly, the only really interesting regular season games for Miami are the Knicks (because we hate them); the Lakers (ditto); the Celtics (quadruple ditto - infinity ditto!); and OKC (because they are good, and Russell Westbrook is reprehensible). Beyond that, mehhh - wake me up when the playoffs start! If you need me before then, I'll be hacking into Heat.com to erase Grant Long's single-season charges drawn record off the books. See you Thursday, Anglophiles!
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Saturday, December 1, 2012
Heat 102 Nets 89
6 Thoughts
1) The new-look New Jersey Nets came to town sporting a new home city (Brooklyn - still not sure exactly where it is, I know it's part of New York, but it's not Manhattan), a good record (11-4), a bunch of veterans who are new to the team (Jerry Stackhouse - that Jerry Stackhouse?), and most dauntingly, a fearsome reverse jinx from GFOB (and the only true Nets fan in captivity) Plumber, who texted me for three straight days about how Miami would kill New Jersey. For a half, the Nets frustrated the Heat with their "slow-ball, dribble-around-for-20-seconds, then-have-Stackhouse-or-Gerald-Wallace-throw-in-a-bad-jumper, or-have-Deron-Williams-or-Joe-Johnson-miss-the-rim-entirely-and-have-Andray-Blatche-catch-it-and-drop-it-through-with-the-shotclock-going-off" offense. In the second half, Miami made a couple of defensive adjustments, played about 5 minutes of "playoff" offense, and won going away. Sometimes you can reverse jinx, and reverse jinx, and in the end, it's just too much talent. Imagine that? All these years, I thought it was the power of the reverse jinx, I thought it was me willing and jinxing us to all these victories. But it turns out that talent was a factor as well. Man - never would have suspected that. Oh well...Let's let it fly, shall we?
2) Dwyane Wade looked a little livelier tonight. He's never going to be "Dwyane Wade" every night again, he's past that point of his career, but he's still quick off the dribble, he's still comfortable in the paint, and he knows how to move without the ball. On a night like tonight, when he has his legs a little, he's still a handful for any defensive team in a way that few guys are. He scored 34 on 14-20, mostly on rim attacks, and one satisfying alley-oop dunk in transition on to the head of The Human Date Rape, Kris Humphries, off a long pass from Walter Ray Allen (13 pts on 5-7). Talent.
3) Also fairly talented: KJ James. He was pretty mellow for a half, and Miami got down 10 or 12 and stayed there, as he orchestrated the offense from the top. About halfway through the third quarter, with Dwyane obviously looking pretty bouncy, but the Nets still hanging tough, KJ went to the midpost for about 5 minutes and picked the Nets apart. Rolled to the rim for a hoop, found Ray Allen on a cut for an open 6 footer, found Dwyane on a cut for a dunk, found Mike Mil-lar in the corner for a triple, then got tackled by Darryl Wallace for free throws. Sorry, Gerald Wallace. M.Minutos inexplicably called him "Darryl" in the first half - he's been in the league for like 50 years, she's seen him play 170 games, at least, and there is a running joke about him in Casa Minutos from his Charlotte days because a Bobcat announcer once claimed after a concussion that he "wasn't himself." After he immediately badly missed a gyroscopic runner, M. and I both laughed: "He's really not himself - he's Antoine Walker!" It's impossible that she could forget his name. "I don't know what happened," she admitted. In any case, he can't guard KJ James - nobody can - and that is how Miami won the title last year: they put KJ in the midpost and let him work. He rarely does it in the regular season - no need to - but he broke her out tonight for a few minutes, just started'er up, make sure she still runs. Guess what? She does! Talent.
4) Mario Chalmers' Twitter Corner: "Had a great time ridding bikes wit the critical Miami crew. Ima try t b there every time from now on. A lot of fun plus good workout." A lot of Heat players, including Dwyane, KJ, and Emcee Chalmers, participated in a 20 mile charity bike ride yesterday. Dwyane, yes, I can see that. KJ - I was surprised a year ago when he rode his bike to The Trip for a game (couldn't believe he knew how to get to The Trip; couldn't believe he knew how to ride a bike; couldn't believe he knew about bikes!) - but since then he does seem to be an avid biker. He has his own charity bike ride, as a matter of fact. But Almario Vernard Chalmers? Are you kidding me? I mean, I know he's an NBA point guard and all, but he doesn't seem remotely athletic enough to ride a bicycle. Things like speed, strength, and balance are not amongst his fortes. Especially balance - have you seen him throw an alley-oop pass? He seems like he's throwing it standing in a rowboat in rough seas! Plus, I can't imagine him maintaining focus for 20 miles - the odds that at some point he would get distracted and careen into Biscayne Bay were significant. Glad you're okay, Emcee! He had a fairly active 18 minutes tonight: 7 points, 6 rebounds, 3 steals, but also 3 turnovers, plus one fastbreak where he was ahead of Deron Williams but somehow lost the ball backwards into another New Jersey player's knees. In the second half Spo went primarily with Norris Cole, because he is better on the ball defensively. He's the polar opposite of the sleepy-eyed, slow-footed Chalmers - Norris is pell mell, all day, every day - that's how he plays: pell mell!. Most of what the Nets run comes off of Deron Williams' dribble. Cole got into him a little, the bigs stepped out higher, and Williams played poorly after the break - Nets scored just 30 in the second half...By the way, isn't there any kind of charity event that involves dribbling along the baseline pointlessly and stepping out of bounds? Or fouling three point shooters? Charity bike ride - goodness gracious, Almario!
5) Nets guard Joe Johnson is a human dull fest. I mean, he is borrr-ing. I watched him play about, oh, six hundred games for the Atlanta Hawks, and every moment of every one of those games, except for when Mike Bibby could pry the ball out of his hands and make a spectacular Bibby-esque play, was boring. He is a nice player, he's big, he's pretty skilled, he's a pretty good shooter, and a fairly solid defender, but he doesn't do anything with explosiveness (explosivity?) - I'm not sure I've ever even seen him run. I certainly have never seen him change expression. His signature play is the famous "Iso Joe" offense, where he takes the ball out on the wing, and starts backing his defender down while the other 8 guys on the court stand there and watch. Ahhh - yawn. Excuse me, unprofessional on my part. Yawnnn. Sorry. He's good at it, he can usually create a decent shot, but you don't have to double him because he can't get to the rim, so essentially the game just grinds to a halt and everybody watches him work. Yawnnnnnn- oh, where was I? Oh - Joe Johnson, right...He's been doing it for 100 years, he's, ummm, yawnn, he's ummm, little, yawnnn, deliber-...ohhh, sorry, I mean, he.........zzzzzzzzzzz.........
6) Just had two Red Bulls, feeling better! Listen, I don't like to toot my own horn too often, I don't like to sing my own praises, I don't like to rep myself too hard, but tonight, man, tonight, I really did something special! I went to P.Minutos' keyboard, started messing around, and, I think, just wrote a classic. I call it "Christmas in Florida," and it was a jaunty, rag-time, two-step holiday feel-good number. Not too sure what "rag-time" or "two-step" mean in technical musical terms, by the way, but that's how I'd describe it. I don't have any formal keyboard training (or any musical training whatsoever), but you wouldn't have known it from this song. Basically, I played two notes about 2 or 3 keys apart with my left hand about a third of the way up the keyboard, and then with my right hand played one note bouncing along with the left hand notes, then shifted the left hand notes about two keys to the right, as I played the consecutive next two notes with my right hand upwards and then back down again. And then, as I got comfortable with the notes, I started varying up the rhythm a bit (while still respecting the general integrity of the song), and sticking in a double note with the right hand here and there. Bouncy, but also heartfelt at times. Oh, and I had the keyboard set on some weird organ sound. Theoretically, I am sure there is some way to transcribe this down onto paper in some kind of musical note format, but it doesn't seem like it's necessary, I think everyone out there can pretty much hear the song from the way I described it. By the way, there are no words. Don't need them, the music paints a perfect picture of Christmas in Florida all on its own. The boys, O. and P. Minutos, came running into the room to learn the song, but I didn't teach them - obviously that's taboo, a musician shouldn't share his music with other musicians. And when I went into the kitchen to tell M.Minutos "you have to admit, that was pretty great," even she didn't deny it (she didn't say much, but who are we kidding, she's not exactly Janis Joplin herself). I have to admit it, I'm as surprised as you all are that I simply sat down at a keyboard and wrote a holiday classic, but sometimes it's just like that. Talent.
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I actually don't know who the next game is against, but I know it is Tuesday. That Joe Johnson-induced slumber erased some short-term memory cells. Hold up...oh, Washington. If you need me before then, I'll be trying to re-create that keyboard magic - I'm starting to realize that "a third of the way up the keyboard" is a little bit imprecise, and kind of tough to duplicate. See you Tuesday, Narcoleptics!
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1) The new-look New Jersey Nets came to town sporting a new home city (Brooklyn - still not sure exactly where it is, I know it's part of New York, but it's not Manhattan), a good record (11-4), a bunch of veterans who are new to the team (Jerry Stackhouse - that Jerry Stackhouse?), and most dauntingly, a fearsome reverse jinx from GFOB (and the only true Nets fan in captivity) Plumber, who texted me for three straight days about how Miami would kill New Jersey. For a half, the Nets frustrated the Heat with their "slow-ball, dribble-around-for-20-seconds, then-have-Stackhouse-or-Gerald-Wallace-throw-in-a-bad-jumper, or-have-Deron-Williams-or-Joe-Johnson-miss-the-rim-entirely-and-have-Andray-Blatche-catch-it-and-drop-it-through-with-the-shotclock-going-off" offense. In the second half, Miami made a couple of defensive adjustments, played about 5 minutes of "playoff" offense, and won going away. Sometimes you can reverse jinx, and reverse jinx, and in the end, it's just too much talent. Imagine that? All these years, I thought it was the power of the reverse jinx, I thought it was me willing and jinxing us to all these victories. But it turns out that talent was a factor as well. Man - never would have suspected that. Oh well...Let's let it fly, shall we?
2) Dwyane Wade looked a little livelier tonight. He's never going to be "Dwyane Wade" every night again, he's past that point of his career, but he's still quick off the dribble, he's still comfortable in the paint, and he knows how to move without the ball. On a night like tonight, when he has his legs a little, he's still a handful for any defensive team in a way that few guys are. He scored 34 on 14-20, mostly on rim attacks, and one satisfying alley-oop dunk in transition on to the head of The Human Date Rape, Kris Humphries, off a long pass from Walter Ray Allen (13 pts on 5-7). Talent.
3) Also fairly talented: KJ James. He was pretty mellow for a half, and Miami got down 10 or 12 and stayed there, as he orchestrated the offense from the top. About halfway through the third quarter, with Dwyane obviously looking pretty bouncy, but the Nets still hanging tough, KJ went to the midpost for about 5 minutes and picked the Nets apart. Rolled to the rim for a hoop, found Ray Allen on a cut for an open 6 footer, found Dwyane on a cut for a dunk, found Mike Mil-lar in the corner for a triple, then got tackled by Darryl Wallace for free throws. Sorry, Gerald Wallace. M.Minutos inexplicably called him "Darryl" in the first half - he's been in the league for like 50 years, she's seen him play 170 games, at least, and there is a running joke about him in Casa Minutos from his Charlotte days because a Bobcat announcer once claimed after a concussion that he "wasn't himself." After he immediately badly missed a gyroscopic runner, M. and I both laughed: "He's really not himself - he's Antoine Walker!" It's impossible that she could forget his name. "I don't know what happened," she admitted. In any case, he can't guard KJ James - nobody can - and that is how Miami won the title last year: they put KJ in the midpost and let him work. He rarely does it in the regular season - no need to - but he broke her out tonight for a few minutes, just started'er up, make sure she still runs. Guess what? She does! Talent.
4) Mario Chalmers' Twitter Corner: "Had a great time ridding bikes wit the critical Miami crew. Ima try t b there every time from now on. A lot of fun plus good workout." A lot of Heat players, including Dwyane, KJ, and Emcee Chalmers, participated in a 20 mile charity bike ride yesterday. Dwyane, yes, I can see that. KJ - I was surprised a year ago when he rode his bike to The Trip for a game (couldn't believe he knew how to get to The Trip; couldn't believe he knew how to ride a bike; couldn't believe he knew about bikes!) - but since then he does seem to be an avid biker. He has his own charity bike ride, as a matter of fact. But Almario Vernard Chalmers? Are you kidding me? I mean, I know he's an NBA point guard and all, but he doesn't seem remotely athletic enough to ride a bicycle. Things like speed, strength, and balance are not amongst his fortes. Especially balance - have you seen him throw an alley-oop pass? He seems like he's throwing it standing in a rowboat in rough seas! Plus, I can't imagine him maintaining focus for 20 miles - the odds that at some point he would get distracted and careen into Biscayne Bay were significant. Glad you're okay, Emcee! He had a fairly active 18 minutes tonight: 7 points, 6 rebounds, 3 steals, but also 3 turnovers, plus one fastbreak where he was ahead of Deron Williams but somehow lost the ball backwards into another New Jersey player's knees. In the second half Spo went primarily with Norris Cole, because he is better on the ball defensively. He's the polar opposite of the sleepy-eyed, slow-footed Chalmers - Norris is pell mell, all day, every day - that's how he plays: pell mell!. Most of what the Nets run comes off of Deron Williams' dribble. Cole got into him a little, the bigs stepped out higher, and Williams played poorly after the break - Nets scored just 30 in the second half...By the way, isn't there any kind of charity event that involves dribbling along the baseline pointlessly and stepping out of bounds? Or fouling three point shooters? Charity bike ride - goodness gracious, Almario!
5) Nets guard Joe Johnson is a human dull fest. I mean, he is borrr-ing. I watched him play about, oh, six hundred games for the Atlanta Hawks, and every moment of every one of those games, except for when Mike Bibby could pry the ball out of his hands and make a spectacular Bibby-esque play, was boring. He is a nice player, he's big, he's pretty skilled, he's a pretty good shooter, and a fairly solid defender, but he doesn't do anything with explosiveness (explosivity?) - I'm not sure I've ever even seen him run. I certainly have never seen him change expression. His signature play is the famous "Iso Joe" offense, where he takes the ball out on the wing, and starts backing his defender down while the other 8 guys on the court stand there and watch. Ahhh - yawn. Excuse me, unprofessional on my part. Yawnnn. Sorry. He's good at it, he can usually create a decent shot, but you don't have to double him because he can't get to the rim, so essentially the game just grinds to a halt and everybody watches him work. Yawnnnnnn- oh, where was I? Oh - Joe Johnson, right...He's been doing it for 100 years, he's, ummm, yawnn, he's ummm, little, yawnnn, deliber-...ohhh, sorry, I mean, he.........zzzzzzzzzzz.........
6) Just had two Red Bulls, feeling better! Listen, I don't like to toot my own horn too often, I don't like to sing my own praises, I don't like to rep myself too hard, but tonight, man, tonight, I really did something special! I went to P.Minutos' keyboard, started messing around, and, I think, just wrote a classic. I call it "Christmas in Florida," and it was a jaunty, rag-time, two-step holiday feel-good number. Not too sure what "rag-time" or "two-step" mean in technical musical terms, by the way, but that's how I'd describe it. I don't have any formal keyboard training (or any musical training whatsoever), but you wouldn't have known it from this song. Basically, I played two notes about 2 or 3 keys apart with my left hand about a third of the way up the keyboard, and then with my right hand played one note bouncing along with the left hand notes, then shifted the left hand notes about two keys to the right, as I played the consecutive next two notes with my right hand upwards and then back down again. And then, as I got comfortable with the notes, I started varying up the rhythm a bit (while still respecting the general integrity of the song), and sticking in a double note with the right hand here and there. Bouncy, but also heartfelt at times. Oh, and I had the keyboard set on some weird organ sound. Theoretically, I am sure there is some way to transcribe this down onto paper in some kind of musical note format, but it doesn't seem like it's necessary, I think everyone out there can pretty much hear the song from the way I described it. By the way, there are no words. Don't need them, the music paints a perfect picture of Christmas in Florida all on its own. The boys, O. and P. Minutos, came running into the room to learn the song, but I didn't teach them - obviously that's taboo, a musician shouldn't share his music with other musicians. And when I went into the kitchen to tell M.Minutos "you have to admit, that was pretty great," even she didn't deny it (she didn't say much, but who are we kidding, she's not exactly Janis Joplin herself). I have to admit it, I'm as surprised as you all are that I simply sat down at a keyboard and wrote a holiday classic, but sometimes it's just like that. Talent.
-----
I actually don't know who the next game is against, but I know it is Tuesday. That Joe Johnson-induced slumber erased some short-term memory cells. Hold up...oh, Washington. If you need me before then, I'll be trying to re-create that keyboard magic - I'm starting to realize that "a third of the way up the keyboard" is a little bit imprecise, and kind of tough to duplicate. See you Tuesday, Narcoleptics!
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Thursday, November 29, 2012
Heat 105 Spurs 100
6 Thoughts
1) Out for the Spurs: Tony Parker, Tim Duncan, Manu Ginobili, Stephen Jackson, Kawhi Leonard, and Danny Green (all: yellow; if ur scared, say ur scared). Out for the Heat: Shane Battier (book club meeting - he's the president, he had to be there). As former Heat point guard and philosopher Tim Hardaway once said, "Sides is even." Let it fly!
2) Miami probably can't play worse than they did tonight. The effort level was dialed up to 0, even by the usually-diligent KJ James (again, he was atrocious, but "atrocious KJ" is still 23 points, 9 rebounds, and 7 dimes, with 4 steals, and a number of huge plays in the closing moments), Dwyane Wade was horrendous (more on that in #3), and they were down to a ragtag Spurs team by 7 with a couple of minutes to go. Annnnd, once again Walter Ray Allen went HAM, scoring 11 fourth quarter points, including the game-winning triple wth 20 seconds to go on a play where KJ went middle, lost the ball, got it back, and drilled a look-away bullet to Ray who had just enough time and space to pull the trigger. Ballgame, goodnight. Again. That's the fourth game this season he has essentially ended with a late triple. They aren't all going to go in, but a lot of them are going to go in. Had to be extra-special for Ray, too, one night after social deviant Rajon Rondo, and the progenitor of doucheball, Kevin Garnett, conspired to instigate a fight with the Human Date Rape, Kris Humphries. My cell phone almost caught on fire from the sheer number of texts the incident triggered, and I'm sure Ray's did, too. By the way, I'm sure we have a lot of the same contacts. You can see it on his face every single possession of every single game: he couldn't be happier to be out of Boston. And we couldn't be happier to have him! After the game, Jax asked him if he was starting to like these rims here in Miami. Ray smiled: "I love all rims." Amen, Jesus, amen!
3) I'm not sure why everyone seems scared to say this - maybe because it could be (it always could be) the beginning of the end for Dwyane Wade - but he's dragging his leg right now. He had offseason knee surgery, and he does not look lively. Watch him on his jumpers - he's not squaring up, he's not jumping on balance at all. He leaning back away from his shot to clear his body, hopping off one leg, and trying to wish it in. He's also shooting a ton of floaters, so he doesn't have to balance up and elevate. And he can't really move on defense (even when he tries). I don't know if he is still playing his knee into shape, which would be fine; or, whether he needs to be shut down for awhile. All that matters is that he feels decent come May and June. Right now he looks brutal. Even the one huge play he made tonight was awful: down three, with under a minute to go, he pushed the ball upcourt in transition with KJ on his right. He was indecisive about whether to pass or try to get to the rim himself. Instead, he did neither, and on the dead run from the foul line elevated, I think intending to pass, but got caught up in the air, flying forwards, and somehow rolled the long floater in. Bad decision, bad shot - huge hoop. It worked out, but Dwyane is playing really poorly right now.
4) So, so, soooo much chirping about San Antonio's decision to rest their best guys, and now the league office has threatened to fine the Spurs. Not sure for what - for playing a great game and taking the defending champions down to final seconds so that we all got to see another Ray Allen game-winner? Yeah, that was terrible! Thank God for David Stern and the league office - I hate thrillers! I'm with Kevin Durant's tweet: "Let them people live they own life." Indeed - let them live they own life. A lot better than the loathsome Russell Westbrook's tweet: "Tim Duncan and Tony Parker? Who?"
5) Does everyone here know why the blog is called "Dos Minutos?" Yes, Heat announcer Mike Baiamonte announces the two minute mark of every quarter by saying "two minutes remaining in the quarter - dos minutos!" I don't know if our readers from out of the area are aware of this, but we have a lot of Spanish speakers in Miami, not sure if that is common knowledge or not. But the reason the blog is called "Dos Minutos" is because one day, several years ago, a very, very white dude called into Dan LeBatard's radio show (good show, by the way - no debating "legacies," or debating who should or should not be in various Halls of Fame, it mostly makes fun of those people, it makes fun of sports talk radio) and told LeBatard, "I brought a friend from out of town to the game, and when the P.A. announcer said that in Spanish, it was the most embarrassing moment of my life." Ummm, if you're that humorless - and racist! - you might just want to keep it to yourself. And LeBatard is Cuban! He was just like, "Really, Sir? That's quite a life you have if that's the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to you!" I laughed - haaa! Okay, I didn't say there was a great story behind the name, just that there was a story. Anyways, here's Mike Baiamonte, the actual Heat P.A. announcer (thanks to A.H.Minutos - he's the best GFOB ever!):
6) So my neighbor G, who is the best dude, and dad, and neighbor everrr - thank God for him, by the way, since he's mostly raising my kids - he and I were out with our boys a couple of days ago at an outdoor bar near our house. I mean, bar and grill, of course, we wouldn't bring our kids to a straight up bar unless we really, really had to. (As a side note: he was drinking, I wasn't. Also, he drove!) And there were college football games on all the televisions, and one of the games near us was a total blowout, someone was winning like 42-3. G noted it was only halfway through the third quarter, and he was like, "that's brutal, that game is over," and I'm like, "ahhh, I don't know, five quick touchdowns and they are right back in it," and he's like, "in football there should be a way to surrender, just like in cribbage, you know?" Oh, yes: just like in cribbage! If I had a dollar for every time I surrendered in a game of cribbage, I'd have, ummm, zero dollars! What male under the age of 80 knows how to play cribbage? What male, period, knows how to play cribbage? What the hell is it, a card game? As I said, G is pretty much raising my kids - he's the dad who knows how to build stuff and all - so I just had to pretend that I never heard that! Cribbage!
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Our next game is Saturday against the new look New Jersey Nets, who are quite good this year. Along with the Knicks, they are the only other team in the East that you wouldn't call "putrid" right now. Of course, they are also the favorite team of Great Friend of the Blog, Plumber, who is probably the only actual legitimate Nets fan on Earth. Plumber, wisely and with the best intentions, tried to go reverse jinx this morning, texting me that the Heat will probably kill the Nets on Saturday. It's a smart move by him - he absolutely should go for the reverse jinx, but he is forgetting a few things: one, you can't reverse jinx something that already happened - Miami already beat them by like 30 once this year. Two, Miami is playing so poorly right now that they couldn't even blow out a D-League team tonight. If the Nets got blown out Saturday in Miami, or even lose the game at all, it would be an absolute humiliation for them, I can't imagine them recovering from that and going on to have a successful season. I mean, it is the biggest game they will play all year, a revenge game after getting embarrassed by the defending champions. For Miami, they're the champs, it's just another game, a loss of any kind would be utterly meaningless (as would a win). It is a pointless game for them, there is no reason to play hard at all. Three, you can't reverse jinx something that only you care about - there are no other actual Nets fans, I don't believe that at all. I watched them play a bit at home this week and it sounded like mostly Knicks fans. And four, and most importantly, Nets center Brook Lopez is reportedly out for that game with a bad foot. Advantage: Nets! No layup line at the rim off every pick and roll this time, I would imagine! We'll see what happens Saturday - good luck, Plumber! If anyone needs me before then, I'll be speaking to my attorney to make sure Mike Baiamonte doesn't sue me for stealing his trademark line. See you Saturday, movie critics!
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1) Out for the Spurs: Tony Parker, Tim Duncan, Manu Ginobili, Stephen Jackson, Kawhi Leonard, and Danny Green (all: yellow; if ur scared, say ur scared). Out for the Heat: Shane Battier (book club meeting - he's the president, he had to be there). As former Heat point guard and philosopher Tim Hardaway once said, "Sides is even." Let it fly!
2) Miami probably can't play worse than they did tonight. The effort level was dialed up to 0, even by the usually-diligent KJ James (again, he was atrocious, but "atrocious KJ" is still 23 points, 9 rebounds, and 7 dimes, with 4 steals, and a number of huge plays in the closing moments), Dwyane Wade was horrendous (more on that in #3), and they were down to a ragtag Spurs team by 7 with a couple of minutes to go. Annnnd, once again Walter Ray Allen went HAM, scoring 11 fourth quarter points, including the game-winning triple wth 20 seconds to go on a play where KJ went middle, lost the ball, got it back, and drilled a look-away bullet to Ray who had just enough time and space to pull the trigger. Ballgame, goodnight. Again. That's the fourth game this season he has essentially ended with a late triple. They aren't all going to go in, but a lot of them are going to go in. Had to be extra-special for Ray, too, one night after social deviant Rajon Rondo, and the progenitor of doucheball, Kevin Garnett, conspired to instigate a fight with the Human Date Rape, Kris Humphries. My cell phone almost caught on fire from the sheer number of texts the incident triggered, and I'm sure Ray's did, too. By the way, I'm sure we have a lot of the same contacts. You can see it on his face every single possession of every single game: he couldn't be happier to be out of Boston. And we couldn't be happier to have him! After the game, Jax asked him if he was starting to like these rims here in Miami. Ray smiled: "I love all rims." Amen, Jesus, amen!
3) I'm not sure why everyone seems scared to say this - maybe because it could be (it always could be) the beginning of the end for Dwyane Wade - but he's dragging his leg right now. He had offseason knee surgery, and he does not look lively. Watch him on his jumpers - he's not squaring up, he's not jumping on balance at all. He leaning back away from his shot to clear his body, hopping off one leg, and trying to wish it in. He's also shooting a ton of floaters, so he doesn't have to balance up and elevate. And he can't really move on defense (even when he tries). I don't know if he is still playing his knee into shape, which would be fine; or, whether he needs to be shut down for awhile. All that matters is that he feels decent come May and June. Right now he looks brutal. Even the one huge play he made tonight was awful: down three, with under a minute to go, he pushed the ball upcourt in transition with KJ on his right. He was indecisive about whether to pass or try to get to the rim himself. Instead, he did neither, and on the dead run from the foul line elevated, I think intending to pass, but got caught up in the air, flying forwards, and somehow rolled the long floater in. Bad decision, bad shot - huge hoop. It worked out, but Dwyane is playing really poorly right now.
4) So, so, soooo much chirping about San Antonio's decision to rest their best guys, and now the league office has threatened to fine the Spurs. Not sure for what - for playing a great game and taking the defending champions down to final seconds so that we all got to see another Ray Allen game-winner? Yeah, that was terrible! Thank God for David Stern and the league office - I hate thrillers! I'm with Kevin Durant's tweet: "Let them people live they own life." Indeed - let them live they own life. A lot better than the loathsome Russell Westbrook's tweet: "Tim Duncan and Tony Parker? Who?"
5) Does everyone here know why the blog is called "Dos Minutos?" Yes, Heat announcer Mike Baiamonte announces the two minute mark of every quarter by saying "two minutes remaining in the quarter - dos minutos!" I don't know if our readers from out of the area are aware of this, but we have a lot of Spanish speakers in Miami, not sure if that is common knowledge or not. But the reason the blog is called "Dos Minutos" is because one day, several years ago, a very, very white dude called into Dan LeBatard's radio show (good show, by the way - no debating "legacies," or debating who should or should not be in various Halls of Fame, it mostly makes fun of those people, it makes fun of sports talk radio) and told LeBatard, "I brought a friend from out of town to the game, and when the P.A. announcer said that in Spanish, it was the most embarrassing moment of my life." Ummm, if you're that humorless - and racist! - you might just want to keep it to yourself. And LeBatard is Cuban! He was just like, "Really, Sir? That's quite a life you have if that's the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to you!" I laughed - haaa! Okay, I didn't say there was a great story behind the name, just that there was a story. Anyways, here's Mike Baiamonte, the actual Heat P.A. announcer (thanks to A.H.Minutos - he's the best GFOB ever!):
6) So my neighbor G, who is the best dude, and dad, and neighbor everrr - thank God for him, by the way, since he's mostly raising my kids - he and I were out with our boys a couple of days ago at an outdoor bar near our house. I mean, bar and grill, of course, we wouldn't bring our kids to a straight up bar unless we really, really had to. (As a side note: he was drinking, I wasn't. Also, he drove!) And there were college football games on all the televisions, and one of the games near us was a total blowout, someone was winning like 42-3. G noted it was only halfway through the third quarter, and he was like, "that's brutal, that game is over," and I'm like, "ahhh, I don't know, five quick touchdowns and they are right back in it," and he's like, "in football there should be a way to surrender, just like in cribbage, you know?" Oh, yes: just like in cribbage! If I had a dollar for every time I surrendered in a game of cribbage, I'd have, ummm, zero dollars! What male under the age of 80 knows how to play cribbage? What male, period, knows how to play cribbage? What the hell is it, a card game? As I said, G is pretty much raising my kids - he's the dad who knows how to build stuff and all - so I just had to pretend that I never heard that! Cribbage!
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Our next game is Saturday against the new look New Jersey Nets, who are quite good this year. Along with the Knicks, they are the only other team in the East that you wouldn't call "putrid" right now. Of course, they are also the favorite team of Great Friend of the Blog, Plumber, who is probably the only actual legitimate Nets fan on Earth. Plumber, wisely and with the best intentions, tried to go reverse jinx this morning, texting me that the Heat will probably kill the Nets on Saturday. It's a smart move by him - he absolutely should go for the reverse jinx, but he is forgetting a few things: one, you can't reverse jinx something that already happened - Miami already beat them by like 30 once this year. Two, Miami is playing so poorly right now that they couldn't even blow out a D-League team tonight. If the Nets got blown out Saturday in Miami, or even lose the game at all, it would be an absolute humiliation for them, I can't imagine them recovering from that and going on to have a successful season. I mean, it is the biggest game they will play all year, a revenge game after getting embarrassed by the defending champions. For Miami, they're the champs, it's just another game, a loss of any kind would be utterly meaningless (as would a win). It is a pointless game for them, there is no reason to play hard at all. Three, you can't reverse jinx something that only you care about - there are no other actual Nets fans, I don't believe that at all. I watched them play a bit at home this week and it sounded like mostly Knicks fans. And four, and most importantly, Nets center Brook Lopez is reportedly out for that game with a bad foot. Advantage: Nets! No layup line at the rim off every pick and roll this time, I would imagine! We'll see what happens Saturday - good luck, Plumber! If anyone needs me before then, I'll be speaking to my attorney to make sure Mike Baiamonte doesn't sue me for stealing his trademark line. See you Saturday, movie critics!
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Saturday, November 24, 2012
Heat 110 Cavs 108
6 Thoughts
1) What a night! First of all, it was "White Hot" night at The Trip, which is basically a marketing opportunity in which the Heat introduced new all-white unis so folks can buy them for Christmas. Slick threads, though, they looked cool and refreshing. Secondly, Walter Ray Allen won the game down stretch...aaaaggainnn! How did we ever live without this kid? Thirdly, Walt survived not one, not two, but three assaults on his lead in "Hot Seconds with Jax!" And as if all that wasn't enough, we got another example of why it's best not to "f" with Dwyane Wade, and some long-overdue recognition for Mario "Emcee" Chalmers, at least in Casa Minutos. Best of all: WE'VE GOT RYAN GOSLING!!! Let's go, let it fly, Walt, Dwyane, Mario, and Ryan: LET IT FLY!!!
2) Remember back in the day, remember how we used to kick it back then? Sitting around, mad chilling, wondering who was going to take the last shot of a close game for us? Whether it would be Dwyane or KJ James? Remember that? Now we have the answer: NEITHER! Because it always, always, always seems like it gon' be Walter Ray Allen! After scoring 2 points in the first three quarters, and Miami struggling to stay with a scrappy Cavs squad, as KJ James like to say, Ray went HAM! He scored 15 in the fourth quarter, including 3 triples, another three point play on a layup-and-foul, and his triple from the right wing, down 2, with 18 seconds to go, on a spit from KJ, won it. All this kid do is make huge shots late! And you can see the absolute joy in his eyes each time he makes one, as he remembers the many frustrating years of misery in Boston. So good to be free, Ray! So good to be free...Side note: the Cavs played great, they really should have won this game, they played good positional defense, and played offense with aggression, which you have to do against Miami. But, again, stiffs were throwing in triples from everywhere (14-31), including 4-4 from Omri Casspi, and three of those were terrible shots. That's not the point, though. The point is, at one juncture Eric Reid referred to Casspi as "Omri," (Memphis Grizzlies announcer Pete Pranica usually goes last names only, feels it's more professional), and I thought he said, "Henri," like the French pronunciation, like, "Ennn-reee." And I was super-excited, I didn't know whom he was referring to, but that's one of my favorite names, and I thought we had one in the league now. Yes, I am a dork. Let's move on - we're back on Ray Allen in #5, by the way...
3) Listen, if you're a guard on an opposing team, know this: if Dwyane Wade is checking you, it isn't going to be your toughest offensive night ever. Defensively, yes, you are going to work, he's going to challenge you, but on the other end when you have the ball, as long as you keep it cool, don't embarrass him, don't try to show him up, he'll let you do your little thing, he'll let you get yours a bit. It's cool, there's 82 games, he's not trying to kill himself in November. But, listen, don't be stupid. When you're down 2 with 18 seconds to go, don't take the ball, pound it a bit, then try to bull rush him to the rim straight through his chest to try to finish, or make him foul you. Because you know what's going to happen? You're going to end up with "Spalding" tattooed on your forehead. Some guys gotta learn the hard way; Cavs guard Jeremy Pargo went down that road tonight. Ballgame. Next time be smart and pass the ball to someone else, Jeremy...
4) In the third quarter, Heat play-by-player Eric Reid was discussing Mario Chalmers' quiet night, and he theorized, "Mario is still searching for the one thing that has eluded him in his first four seasons." An MVP trophy? "Consistency." Ohhhh. Yeah. Shoot - between thinking Chalmers was getting MVP support from Eric Reid, and hoping that we had an "Henri" in the league now, I really had a bit of an up-and-down night.
5) Back to the "up" part of my night: Ray Allen still leads "Hot Seconds With Jax," the halfti- errr, the game show that can be shown at any hour of the day or night, and probably when you least expect it! There were three episodes tonight: one in the pre-game (Bosh, didn't know anything about diapers, or, thankfully, the very annoying John Salley); one at halftime (Dexter Pittman, might have known the answers, but seems too shy to try to win); and, most nerve-wracking, James Johnson (as Ray calls him) in the post-game show. Ray clearly knew James Jones, an academic All-American at The U, was going to be one of his primary challengers in "Hot Secs" and his early-season ploy to get in his head by calling him "James Johnson" on national tv clearly worked. J.J. came close, but only notched an 8 when he couldn't name two more "hits" by Tony Toni Tone (none of them were big hits in Casa Minutos). So Ray still leads! But I have a complaint from M.Minutos directly to Jax, and his producer Mr. A.J. Speaks, about the show. She is angry - "furious" is probably a better word - that episodes are running in the pre and post-game shows, in addition to halftime. She's got two kids, she's getting a little older (even though, incredibly, she looks even better than ever - she's never been so fetching and alluring!), and by the end of the game she is tired and wants to go to bed. Not me, as soon as I finish this blog I'm heading out to Tobacco Road to meet UD. But M.Minutos wants "Hot Seconds" played at halftime, only. She points out that there are 82 games - besides February, when the players, Riles, and Zo read essays about important African-Americans (and, by the way, we all know they aren't all new every year), and sometimes some cooking shows when Joel Anthony makes jerk chickens tacos, or whatever, how many really important things do we have to do during halftimes? And, Jax, don't you remember "How To Be A Millionaire?" (Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? - whatever) Overexposure killed it, dude! Limit the "Hot Secs" a little, leave us salivating for more! You don't see KJ James going out and getting 50 every night - he just gives us a li'l taste, keeps us coming back for the next game to see what's up. You knowww...
6) Review: "Crazy, Stupid, Love." I know it came out a long time ago, but I just watched it last night - writing this blog takes a lot of time, sorry I'm so late with it. This film starred Ryan Gosling, some gorgeous skinny girl with crazy hot eyebrows (yes, I kinda like eyebrows, sooo sexy), and some other people, probably, I didn't really notice anyone else in it. The emotional high point of the movie came when Ryan Gosling took off his shirt and I- I mean, the girl in the movie- was absolutely spellbound by his chiseled physique, but I- I mean, she- didn't let it stop her from truly getting to know him and falling in deep love with his soul. The low point of the movie was when Ryan Gosling ended up with this girl, and not the one with the crazy hot eyebrows. What? What the hell kind of movie was this? Who directed this film? In what world would Ryan Gosling and the girl with the crazy hot eyebrows not end up together? That was heart-wrenching, it still hurts now, 24 hours later...Oh, how many stars? Are you high? 10 out of 10! Did you hear me: IT STARS RYAN GOSLING!!!
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We just had a couple of nights off, and now we don't play again until Thursday! That is crazy, stupid, and I love it! Yeahhh, boyyy, see what I did there? Spurs, I think, Thursday, they're good. If you need me before then, I definitely won't be watching the shirtless Ryan Gosling scene over and over on an endless loop. I mean, there are a lot of things I might be doing before Thursday's game, I am a busy, busy man, but believe me, I can assure you, that I absolutely, positively will not be doing that! See you Thursday, Longhorns!
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1) What a night! First of all, it was "White Hot" night at The Trip, which is basically a marketing opportunity in which the Heat introduced new all-white unis so folks can buy them for Christmas. Slick threads, though, they looked cool and refreshing. Secondly, Walter Ray Allen won the game down stretch...aaaaggainnn! How did we ever live without this kid? Thirdly, Walt survived not one, not two, but three assaults on his lead in "Hot Seconds with Jax!" And as if all that wasn't enough, we got another example of why it's best not to "f" with Dwyane Wade, and some long-overdue recognition for Mario "Emcee" Chalmers, at least in Casa Minutos. Best of all: WE'VE GOT RYAN GOSLING!!! Let's go, let it fly, Walt, Dwyane, Mario, and Ryan: LET IT FLY!!!
2) Remember back in the day, remember how we used to kick it back then? Sitting around, mad chilling, wondering who was going to take the last shot of a close game for us? Whether it would be Dwyane or KJ James? Remember that? Now we have the answer: NEITHER! Because it always, always, always seems like it gon' be Walter Ray Allen! After scoring 2 points in the first three quarters, and Miami struggling to stay with a scrappy Cavs squad, as KJ James like to say, Ray went HAM! He scored 15 in the fourth quarter, including 3 triples, another three point play on a layup-and-foul, and his triple from the right wing, down 2, with 18 seconds to go, on a spit from KJ, won it. All this kid do is make huge shots late! And you can see the absolute joy in his eyes each time he makes one, as he remembers the many frustrating years of misery in Boston. So good to be free, Ray! So good to be free...Side note: the Cavs played great, they really should have won this game, they played good positional defense, and played offense with aggression, which you have to do against Miami. But, again, stiffs were throwing in triples from everywhere (14-31), including 4-4 from Omri Casspi, and three of those were terrible shots. That's not the point, though. The point is, at one juncture Eric Reid referred to Casspi as "Omri," (Memphis Grizzlies announcer Pete Pranica usually goes last names only, feels it's more professional), and I thought he said, "Henri," like the French pronunciation, like, "Ennn-reee." And I was super-excited, I didn't know whom he was referring to, but that's one of my favorite names, and I thought we had one in the league now. Yes, I am a dork. Let's move on - we're back on Ray Allen in #5, by the way...
3) Listen, if you're a guard on an opposing team, know this: if Dwyane Wade is checking you, it isn't going to be your toughest offensive night ever. Defensively, yes, you are going to work, he's going to challenge you, but on the other end when you have the ball, as long as you keep it cool, don't embarrass him, don't try to show him up, he'll let you do your little thing, he'll let you get yours a bit. It's cool, there's 82 games, he's not trying to kill himself in November. But, listen, don't be stupid. When you're down 2 with 18 seconds to go, don't take the ball, pound it a bit, then try to bull rush him to the rim straight through his chest to try to finish, or make him foul you. Because you know what's going to happen? You're going to end up with "Spalding" tattooed on your forehead. Some guys gotta learn the hard way; Cavs guard Jeremy Pargo went down that road tonight. Ballgame. Next time be smart and pass the ball to someone else, Jeremy...
4) In the third quarter, Heat play-by-player Eric Reid was discussing Mario Chalmers' quiet night, and he theorized, "Mario is still searching for the one thing that has eluded him in his first four seasons." An MVP trophy? "Consistency." Ohhhh. Yeah. Shoot - between thinking Chalmers was getting MVP support from Eric Reid, and hoping that we had an "Henri" in the league now, I really had a bit of an up-and-down night.
5) Back to the "up" part of my night: Ray Allen still leads "Hot Seconds With Jax," the halfti- errr, the game show that can be shown at any hour of the day or night, and probably when you least expect it! There were three episodes tonight: one in the pre-game (Bosh, didn't know anything about diapers, or, thankfully, the very annoying John Salley); one at halftime (Dexter Pittman, might have known the answers, but seems too shy to try to win); and, most nerve-wracking, James Johnson (as Ray calls him) in the post-game show. Ray clearly knew James Jones, an academic All-American at The U, was going to be one of his primary challengers in "Hot Secs" and his early-season ploy to get in his head by calling him "James Johnson" on national tv clearly worked. J.J. came close, but only notched an 8 when he couldn't name two more "hits" by Tony Toni Tone (none of them were big hits in Casa Minutos). So Ray still leads! But I have a complaint from M.Minutos directly to Jax, and his producer Mr. A.J. Speaks, about the show. She is angry - "furious" is probably a better word - that episodes are running in the pre and post-game shows, in addition to halftime. She's got two kids, she's getting a little older (even though, incredibly, she looks even better than ever - she's never been so fetching and alluring!), and by the end of the game she is tired and wants to go to bed. Not me, as soon as I finish this blog I'm heading out to Tobacco Road to meet UD. But M.Minutos wants "Hot Seconds" played at halftime, only. She points out that there are 82 games - besides February, when the players, Riles, and Zo read essays about important African-Americans (and, by the way, we all know they aren't all new every year), and sometimes some cooking shows when Joel Anthony makes jerk chickens tacos, or whatever, how many really important things do we have to do during halftimes? And, Jax, don't you remember "How To Be A Millionaire?" (Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? - whatever) Overexposure killed it, dude! Limit the "Hot Secs" a little, leave us salivating for more! You don't see KJ James going out and getting 50 every night - he just gives us a li'l taste, keeps us coming back for the next game to see what's up. You knowww...
6) Review: "Crazy, Stupid, Love." I know it came out a long time ago, but I just watched it last night - writing this blog takes a lot of time, sorry I'm so late with it. This film starred Ryan Gosling, some gorgeous skinny girl with crazy hot eyebrows (yes, I kinda like eyebrows, sooo sexy), and some other people, probably, I didn't really notice anyone else in it. The emotional high point of the movie came when Ryan Gosling took off his shirt and I- I mean, the girl in the movie- was absolutely spellbound by his chiseled physique, but I- I mean, she- didn't let it stop her from truly getting to know him and falling in deep love with his soul. The low point of the movie was when Ryan Gosling ended up with this girl, and not the one with the crazy hot eyebrows. What? What the hell kind of movie was this? Who directed this film? In what world would Ryan Gosling and the girl with the crazy hot eyebrows not end up together? That was heart-wrenching, it still hurts now, 24 hours later...Oh, how many stars? Are you high? 10 out of 10! Did you hear me: IT STARS RYAN GOSLING!!!
-----
We just had a couple of nights off, and now we don't play again until Thursday! That is crazy, stupid, and I love it! Yeahhh, boyyy, see what I did there? Spurs, I think, Thursday, they're good. If you need me before then, I definitely won't be watching the shirtless Ryan Gosling scene over and over on an endless loop. I mean, there are a lot of things I might be doing before Thursday's game, I am a busy, busy man, but believe me, I can assure you, that I absolutely, positively will not be doing that! See you Thursday, Longhorns!
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