6 Thoughts
1) I literally have never been more tired. And there is a reason for that: too. much. gin. We doin' this one super-quick style, brief game summary in #2, dunk news in #3, name changes in #4, Hot Seconds with Jax in #5, and restaurant review in #6. Let it fly, quick-fast, in a hurry.
2) New Orleans is fairly terrible, but like every other Heat opponent lately, they came out on fire and scored 25 points in the first six and a half minutes of the game, and led by 7. The Heat have de-rotationed Rashard Lewis in favor of a healthy Shane Battier, and a re-rotationed Joel Anthony. When those two entered the game, the level of energy picked up significantly, the defense improved, and the Heat went on a like a 40-2 run, or something (it wasn't 40-2, but it was significant - I drank too much gin, sorry, sue me for not knowing the exact run numbers). From there, it was a garden-variety home win, 50 points combined for Dwyane Wade and KJ James on only 28 shots, and Battioke, Emcee Chalmers, and Ray Allen combined to hit 7-10 triples. Ball game. This one was never really in doubt. Let's move on crisply, shall we?
3) Dunk news! The good: in the third quarter, Almario Vernard Chalmers acquired a loose ball on the defensive end, and loped up the left side of the court with it at (for him) full speed. Two Hornets were in hot pursuit. Meanwhile, KJ James was thundering down the right side, several paces behind Chalmers and the two Hornets. As Emcee got below the three point line, at some point it became apparent that he was going to attempt to flip the ball backwards up into the air in to the (hopefully) general vicinity of the charging KJ, prompting everyone in Casa Minutos, and also anyone else watching on television who has also ever seen any previous Heat game ever featuring Emcee to go, "uh oh..." But some-kind-of-how, some-kind-of-way, at the moment of truth, Chalmers deftly backhanded the ball skywards just as KJ exploded off the ground, and he met the ball at precisely the perfect location in front of the rim, cupped it, and CRUSHED IT through the basket! I did not see that coming; no one did. Well done, Almario. The bad: also in the third quarter, in the space of about 45 seconds, Chris Bosh missed three dunks. A driving tomahawk attempt in traffic; then a swinging left-handed cup try, which he instantly rebounded, only to miss the follow dunk on the other side of the rim. Then, a few minutes later, early in the fourth quarter, he got another dunk try blocked. You don't see four straight unsuccessful dunks in a row by a 7 footer too often. Pretty impressive. Halfway through the fourth quarter, Norris Cole slipped down the lane, drew defenders, and dropped a perfect pass on Bosh, who politely dunked it to break the streak!
4) The New Orleans franchise re-located from Charlotte several years ago and brought the "Hornets" nickname with them. This week they announced their intention to take a new nickname, the "Pelicans," whereupon the new Charlotte franchise, which is the "Bobcats," said they would go back to "Hornets." First of all, kudos to New Orleans. My very gully preparatory high school, Loomis Chaffee in Windsor, Connecticut, was the Pelicans, and believe me, when we rolled into town with our purple pelican uniforms, with a kid in a giant Pelican head as our mascot, our opponents were instantly intimidated. The city of New Orleans is going to be so fired up to be rooting for Pelicans - I think it is a great idea. You know who is not a fan of the name change, however? You guessed it: Miami Heat play-by-play announcer Eric Reid. He told his partner, colored commentator - ahh, excuse me, color commentator - Tony Fiorentino that he would "find it confusing" if he had to "research information" about the two franchises. Honestly - I really don't know how confusing this could be. I mean, you're going to know which two franchises changed their names, and the years of the name changes. Seems fairly simple, not sure anyone would need a Naval decoding team to help with that. Also, what the hell is Eric Reid researching? Either way, you know who absolutely loves the idea of this name change? You got it again: Memphis Grizzlies play-by-play announcer Pete Pranica, who has somehow negotiated all the pitfalls and potential confusion created by the fact that his franchise, the Memphis Grizzlies, relocated from Vancouver in, ummm, in, ahhh, well, ummm - jeez, I don't know! Eric Reid is absolutely right! There doesn't seem to be any conceivable way for me to acquire this information. On the second thought, this "Pelicans" business seems a lot better in theory than it is in practice. I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to put the kibosh on these name changes: it just is going to make it too difficult for Eric Reid and myself...
5) Three challengers to Ray Allen's (and my) lead in Hot Seconds with Jax. First, Norris Cole came stronger than expected, correctly noting the names of the two Wright Brothers (from his hometown), but he didn't know how many assists he had in his notorious game against Boston last year, and his 5 point question was utterly impossible: which rookies played in all 66 games last year. No one would possibly know that...Shane Battioke posed a serious threat to Ray's lead: but he stumbled out of the gate - did not know which Jonas Brother has his own reality show. He also didn't know how many times the Heat lost back-to-back games at home last season (none), although he did name five coaches with three or more NCAA basketball titles (as far as I'm concerned, there's only one: Jim Calhoun). Not such a smarty-pants today, eh, Battioke? Study harder next time, nerd!...Finally, Dwyane nailed a couple of guesses (knew a character in his girlfriend Gabrielle Union's movie - more on her in #6; knew the Chicago Blackhawks won a hockey championship), but stumbled on another brutal five pointer asking him to name all five mascots in the history of his alma mater, Marquette University. He couldn't do it, so Walter Ray continues to lead. Bring it home, Walter Ray, bring it home!
6) Went with M.Minutos to the very hipster-ish new hangout South Street in the Design District in midtown Miami. It is Art Basel week in Miami (for non-Miamians, it's a huge, city-wide celebration of the arts - basically just a giant party), so midtown was teeming with people. South Street is supercool, and it is where all the "leading blacks" go (in the famous basketball documentary "Hoop Dreams," an old white high school coach asks a black player of his who just returned from a recruiting trip to a college if he met with any of the "leading blacks on campus"). Dwyane Wade rented it out for Thanksgiving. The restaurant serves fresh, creative drinks, and a fusion of soul and neo-soul food, just like the music they play. We had short ribs, fried green tomatoes, a kale and quinoa salad, and cobbler for dessert. We went to town - oh, and: too. much. gin. The staff is super-ill, it's in the old post office spot that used to house Michelle Bernstein's Sra. Martinez - everything about it is good. Definitely check it out. We were sitting outside, so at one point I went in to use the washroom, and I walked by a big booth, and who do I see sitting amongst a group of "leading blacks?" Yes, Dwyane Wade's girlfriend, and my ex-, Gabrielle Union. She and I broke up just about the same time I started seeing US women's soccer star Alex Morgan, whom I subsequently left for, ummm, Ryan Gosling. I wasn't totally sure it was Gabrielle, even though I know via Twitter that she eats there often, so I sent M.Minutos in on reconnaissance, and she was also not certain. However, when Gabrielle and her entourage emerged from the restaurant and hopped into a chauffeured giant SUV at 7 pm - just the perfect time to head over to The Trip for the game - as she passed our table, she flashed her signature dimpled smile, and M.Minutos and I both knew it was her. I know that M.Minutos thinks that smile was just because her car as ready, so - shhhh- don't tell her that it was really for me. There really was something in the way she blew past our table, almost as if she didn't notice me sitting there, that smacked of trying just a little bit too hard to forget me. And another thing - Gabrielle Union in person, cute, yes, but not the glamourous movie star that you always see on tv and in movies. She's closer to my age than to Dwyane's, and I'm gonna tell ya - not sure she's aged as well as I have. Maybe I shouldn't be the judge of that, maybe I'm not that objective, but I doubt many people would disagree...
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Okay, we're done. Still exhausted, more exhausted, can't wait to get into bed and dream about how much I don't even care about Gabrielle Union. Our next game is Monday against the slightly-less-boring-now-that-Joe-Johnson-is-gone-but-100-times-less-exciting-because-Mike-Bibby-is-also-gone Atlanta Hawks. If you need me before then, I'll be at South Street restaurant, sitting in the second booth in against the wall to the left. What? I mean, yes, I guess that is the booth right next to where Gabrielle Union was sitting tonight, but that's a total coincidence - I'll be sitting there because I loved the short ribs, and I think that booth is the best spot in the house. That's a bizarre question on your part, don't even know why you would ask that at all, you seem kind of obsessed with this whole Gabrielle Union thing..See Monday, you beautiful patrons of the arts...
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