6 Thoughts
1) This never, ever seemed like a game that Miami was going to lose...right up until they lost it. They played from slightly behind all night long, but were comfortably in contact, caught the Warriors with a little fourth quarter intensity, and in the last two minutes had four really good offensive possessions: a roll to the rim by Bosh, an open corner triple by Shane Battier, and two wide open threes for Ray Allen. Total yield from those four possession: 0 points. Ze-ro! Or as I like to say, "Live by the Walter Ray Allen, die by the Walter Ray Allen!" Still, it was a great night for Ray in other ways, which we will cover below...One of those nights, make or miss league, blah, blah, blah! We didn't even start watching this game until after 10:30, so we are gonna track through this real quick. Can't let it fly 'cuz we lost, so let's settle for a very polite (and tired), Let's go...
2) Do we really want to talk about the game? It was a good game, fast-paced and entertaining, the Warriors have a nice young nucleus, especially their backcourt of Stephen Curry and Klay Thompson. Those guys are both plus-plus shooters, extremely pasty black dudes, and they put their defenders on skates, and keep them on skates. KJ was good, Bosh was good - Miami got good shots in winning time and simply didn't make them, whereas the Warriors Jarrett Jack, undoubtedly inspired by the chance to dine at South Street, which he has been tweeting about for three weeks, threw in 2 or 3 prayers, and made a great pass to Draymond Green on the game's last possession for the win. Again - blah, blah, blah. Let's just highlight the Play of the Game quickly: it had to be in the second quarter when Dwyane Wade was trailing Klay Thompson over a screen, Thompson flailed backwards and caught Dwyane in the face (unintentionally) with an elbow. Dwyane immediately bent over at the waist and grabbed his face, around the free throw line, when suddenly, Mario "Emcee" Chalmers, moving faster than he ever has heretofore in five seasons, sprinted past Dwyane, somehow didn't see him, and pretty much trucked Dwyane in the noggin. Simply ran right through his head, Almario's hip catching Dwyane in the ear, which spun Dwyane, and dropped him like a proverbial sack of potatoes. It was like the montage sequence in "Rocky III" where Mr. T keeps knocking guys on to one knee, and before the referee can step in to stop the fight, T steps up and just hammers the defenseless, kneeling guy to the ground. Dwyane didn't play the rest of the half - he did come back in the second half, and he was a mixed bag of horrific turnovers and shot selection with some brilliant defensive play mixed in. His neck's gonna hurt tomorrow. It was kinda funny, though.
3) I have been called a lot things, but none are more accurate than the "Convenient Jew" label pinned on me by M.Minutos o'er the years. Yes, my father is Jewish; no, my mother is not. I'm a mongrel, go ahead, laugh if you want. But just know that in a crowd of Jewish people, I can absolutely bring it hard enough as a Jew - I can say a few Jewish prayers (though I have no idea what they mean), and I can wax rhapsodic about finding the afikomen at Passover (just try to get me off that topic in a crowd of Jews - you can't, I know my range is limited, I have to stay within myself). At the same time, in a group of Christians, I know enough about bland foods and reality television to convince them that my Christian half is really my dominant side (even if they will always distrust me a little bit). But I have never - nev-ver - been more conveniently Jewish than tonight at halftime when Sunsports sideline reporter extraordinaire Johanna Gomez wished all Jewish viewers (and I suppose the random sympathetic Christians) a "Happy Hanukkah!" I'll gladly accept your good tidings, JoGo, thank you! And, listen, I'm proud to be a convenient Jew and all, but one night of JoGo, even on television, is better than all eight nights of Hanukkah combined! Feliz Navidad, JoGo!
4) Okay, so Ray Allen missed a couple of triples which probably would have salted this game away. I know, I know, that's the first time that's happened this year - we are all shocked, but it happens. Even people from Connecticut don't win all the time. Just most of the time. But in some ways, Ray was tonight's big winner. His driving second quarter layup sent him past Adrian Dantley into twenty-second place all-time on the NBA's scoring list. Not bad. By the way, watching Adrian Dantley's slowww, back-down, mid-range game back in the 80s was like watching a cross between current New Jersey Nets guard Joe Johnson and the six hour dull-fest Holocaust film "Schindler's List" (during which I was so bored and disoriented that I never realized until the end that Liam Neeson and Ralph Fiennes were playing two different characters - I thought it was a guy living a double life). I mean, he was painful to watch...On the hoop which sent Walter Ray past Dantley, Warriors forward David Lee, who is a gifted offensive player, but one of the least-aware defensive bigs alive - Chris Bosh's patented "statue defense" would be a huge improvement - was standing down in the paint to hedge against drivers and Ray drove right past him, Lee never moved, and Ray flipped the ball in while Lee watched. Listen, David Lee, if you aren't going to help on a driver, you'd better not help on a driver who didn't just rocket past the incredibly boring Adrian Dantley into twenty-second position on the all-time NBA scoring list!
5) You'd think that would be enough to make Ray's night a success. But, no, there was more! He also fended off challenges from the first two ever "Hot Seconds with Jax" champions, Mario Chalmers and Mike Miller (as well as a non-challenge from Joel Anthony - I love Joel, but you knew he had no shot). Chalmers is just one of those dudes, man - like, he probably doesn't know the NBA over-and-back rule, but he knows every rule of "Hot Seconds with Jax" (timeouts, question-substitution) and the day he filmed his segment, he was probably going over Alaska trivia in his head in the locker room when he was supposed to be out on the court shooting free throws. You have to fear Chalmers in a one-off competition like this. Unfortunately for Emcee, he didn't know how many field goals he scored in Game 4 of last year's Finals when the irrationally ill-behaved Russell Westbrook couldn't hold him and Chalmers scored 25 to single-handedly win the KJ Cramp Game, and pretty much the championship, for us. On the one hand, I would have assumed Mario could have listed every basket he has scored in the last five seasons, in order. On the other hand, he doesn't get to 25 very often, so maybe the volume simply overwhelmed him. He missed by a lot - guessed 6, but the answer was 9. Mike Mil-lar won the second ever "Hot Secs' two years ago, but hasn't impressed since - doesn't seem too intense in there, a little too easy-going for my liking. This isn't some South Dakota pumpkin-growing contest, Mike Mil-lar, this is "Hot Seconds with Jax" - come strong, or get crushed by Walter Ray Allen! He didn't know how many points he scored in his NBA debut (guessed 11, it was 5). If you're that far off, if you really don't know, then sub the question - Mario Chalmers would never let this happen!...So at the end of the night, Ray still leads with 9 points. Defending champion KJ James still yet to go, though!!!
6) Update on Jay Z. Monday, it turned out that O.Minutos' guitar teacher, an otherwise-normal-seeming white dude in his forties, had never even heard of Jay Z. It seemed impossible. Over the last couple of days I've been investigating, trying to see what other kinds of people, what specific subset of Americans, or even non-Americans living in America, don't know who Jay Z is. And the answer is: no one. There are no other people who don't know who Jay Z is. The end.
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Next game is Saturday against the Wizards. Revenge game: they beat us last week! If you need me before then, I'll be spiking Jarrett Jack's drinks at South Street with rohypnol, although I don't think even that would have stopped him tonight. See you Saturday!
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