Monday, November 5, 2012

Heat 124 Suns 99

6 Thoughts

1) We have a lot of readers who aren't big "basketball people" - do you all know what a "pick and roll" is?  It's a basic offensive play in which one player, usually a larger guy (Chris Bosh, Udonis Haslem), comes over and sets a pick for a smaller guy (Dwyane Wade, Mario "Emcee" Chalmers), who then dribbles and tries to run his defender into the big, forcing the big's defender to move towards the dribbler, and then allowing the offensive big to roll down the lane and receive a pass at the rim.  You don't know that play?  Don't feel so bad - you know who else doesn't know it?  The Phoenix Suns!  Good God, Phoenix - they defended the pick and roll with all the intensity and competence of George Bush and Brownie's New Orleans FEMA effort, except this time the incompetence benefited black people: 18 first half points for Bosh!  12 points for the previously moribund Haslem!  It was layup after layup at the rim, and this game was a blowout from the jump.  Let's Go, and let's Let It Fly!

2) Phoenix didn't defend the rim at all, but at least they made up for it by not defending the three point line, either: a scorching hot 15-26 on triples for Miami.  Walter Ray Allen made 3-4; Chalmers 3-3; KJ James 2-3; Wade 1-1; James Johnson (as Ray mistakenly referred to James Jones on national television) 2-3; and Norris Cole 1-1.  Basically the only dude holding us back from the greatest shooting night of all time was the infuriating Rashard Lewis, who took time out from not defending the rim, fouling, and dropping rebounds into Suns' hands, to miss 4-6 threes (and even that isn't terrible).  Ray Allen has now made 12-20 on the season, and he's averaging almost 16 a game off the bench in 28 minutes a night.  So that's, you know, pretty good so far...

3) Easy and efficient night for the Big 3: Bosh 18 on 7-10, barely played in the second half; Wade 22 and 6 assists on 9-14; and Almario Vernard Chalmers (You Mutherf*cker) 9 points, 11 assists, 4 boards, 3 steals, and only 1 turnover, although he did stuff himself on the bottom of the rim once.  Oh, also KJ James was decent: 23 on 10-17, with 11 boards, in just 30 minutes...

4) Well, barring trade, tonight marked the only visit to The Trip this year by one-time Dos Minutos favorite Michael "Supercool" Beasley.  Mike and this blog started at the same time, and guess which one has grown and progressed more over the past 4 plus years?  Trick question: it's a tie, neither one has grown or progressed one iota!  We both stink!  Look, I've been saying the same thing about Beas since halfway through his second season: people can say all they want "Oh, if he would get his mind right, turn his attitude around, work hard, he could tap into his talent."  You know what that is code for?  He's black, he has a lot of tattoos, he wears cornrows, and he isn't good - that's all bullcrap, that's a bad rap on his character, and unfair, and a little racist.  No one says those things about Mike Mil-lar, and he's no All-Star.  It's so easy to blame it on Mike's "attitude," but the reality is that he isn't big enough or explosive enough to be a starting NBA power forward, and he doesn't have the quickness or the ball skills to be a starting NBA small forward.  No matter how hard he worked, no matter how shiny his attitude was, those two conditions would still exist.  His best skill is his ability to create shots - it's absolutely a skill, many guys can't do it.  James Jones can't, Mike Mil-lar can't, Mario Chalmers really can't.  The problem is, really good players create really good shots - Mike Beasley creates bad shots, and those are difficult to make, and thus he shoots a low percentage.  He was 3-13 tonight, for 7 points and 1 rebound in 29 minutes.  Phoenix is starting him at the small forward, but his best position is as a backup stretch four, to stand out in the corner and try to make open threes.  Tonight he had to guard KJ James - obviously he has no chance to do that.  But later in the game, when the Heat went small, Dwyane Wade was guarding him.  Now, look, absolutely, Dwyane is not the n-word to f*ck with in the post.  I don't care who you are, or how big you are - you try to grind Dwyane Wade down on the block, he's gonna spike your turnaround back into your forehead at some point.  But, Jesus, Mike, you're 6'8" - you have to at least try to take Dwyane down low.  But he didn't seem to have any inclination to do so, and it didn't seem like the Phoenix bench was in a hurry to shout out a set which had Mike on the block against Dwyane.  Overall, he's just not good enough.  I like the kid, I swear - this blog benefited from him tremendously over the two seasons he played here, because he was always doing or saying something funny.  But let's get off the "attitude" thing and be real: he's a backup, talent-wise.  That's what he is.  It's nothing to be embarrassed about.  Listen: at least he's better than Rashard Lewis.  Stay easy, Michael Beasley - love you, boy...By the way, if you want to read a whole bunch of Michael Beasley jokes at the Dos Minutos Twitter account (@DosMinutos), here's a link - just scroll back to yesterday:

5) Speaking of Twitter and Mike Beasley jokes, here's a new segment tonight (one of two new segments!) called: "Why Older Dudes Should Not Use Twitter, And Specifically Not Heat Color Commentator Tony Fiorentino."

Dos Minutos@DosMinutos
"Favorite Heat memory? The games of Gin Rummy on the team flights with Eric Reid, Tony Fiorentino and Jermaine O'Neal." -Mike Beasley #StayEasy
Tony Fiorentino@TonyHEAT2xWC
Never happened RT : "Favorite Heat memory? The games of Gin Rummy on the team flights with Eric Reid, Tony Fiorentino, and Jermaine O'Neal." -Mike Beasley #StayEasy
Oh, really?  That's not what I heard, Tony Fiorentino, that's not what my sources say, Coach...  I'd like to think he understood it was a joke, but I'm not so sure...
6) Here is the second new segment titled "DosMinutos' and CariMinutos' Texting Corner."
Dos: Cari, what % chance do u think there is that Tom Cruise has had someone killed at some point?  I say an 80% chance.
Cari: Are you going as Tom Cruise this Halloween?  If so, that doesn't give you free reign for murder.
Dos: No, not going as Tom Cruise, just thinking about that best guesstimate is that he has had 4-6 people killed.
Cari: Isn't Christian Scientist a peaceful religion?
Dos: Yes, but he isn't that, he's a Scientologist, and they are murderers.
Cari: In that case, what are your thoughts about John Travolta?
Dos: Murderer.
Cari: What's the motive?
Dos: No motive.  Just a bad apple.
Next game is Wednesday against the new look New Jersey Nets.  Election tomorrow - remember, you're just one person, how much could your vote possibly matter?  Don't even worry about it...If you need me before Wednesday, I'll be contacting the federal government about their witness protection programs - there's a good chance I just made the lists of Tony Fiorentino, Tom Cruise, and John Travolta...See you Wednesday, Tea Partiers!