Heat 113 Rockets 110

6 Thoughts

1) These two teams traded bomb after bomb down the stretch.  The Heat got down 8 late, and then KJ James would make some ridiculous 25 foot three pointer over a double-team, then the Rockets would walk the ball to the other end, Battier would take their best player James Harden, Patrick Patterson would set a a mild screen for Harden, Battier and Chris Bosh would just automatically switch defensively for no reason, Harden would break Bosh down off the dribble, the defense would sink to the paint, and Harden would find some stiff on the perimeter - Chandler Parsons; one of the Morris twins, I have no idea which one; Carlos Delfino - who would bury a triple dead center.  It went right down to the end.  It was a thriller.  It was a heart-pounder.  You know what it was, actually?  A humdinger!  You know how I know?  'Cuz Eric Reid said so!  In a related story, Grizzlies play-by-play announcer Pete Pranica called it a donnybrook!  Watch your back, E. Reid, watch your back!  Oh, and one more thing: Let it fly!!!!!!!!

2) For all the great individual efforts in this game - KJ James' 38 points, 32 in the second half (and his 5th straight 20 point 10 rebound game); Omer Asik's 19 points 14 rebounds; Chandler Parsons' 25 - two coaching gaffes by the Rockets and solid coaching by the Heat, may have been the difference.  Down 1 with under 30 seconds to go, KJ James made a brilliant defensive play, coming off his man to wall off a Harden drive at the rim, producing the first Miami stop since, seemingly, last season.  After James drove and scored to put the Heat up 1 with 18 seconds to go, Jeremy Lin whiffed a triple 3 feet wide left, and Dwyane Wade caught the airball, and was fouled with under 10 seconds to go.  Rockets' coach Kevin McHale was home dealing with a family issue, and long-time college coach (before he was essentially kicked out of the NCAA for repeatedly violating recruiting rules) Kelvin Sampson was running the bench.  Omer Asik, who dominated the painted area in this game, had been on the bench down the stretch because he can't guard Bosh, and the Rockets wanted more shooting on the floor offensively.  But with Wade shooting 2 free throws, and the Rockets intending to call timeout after the shots, you have to insert Asik for the defensive rebound.  Have to - it's a no brainer, every team does it.  Sampson didn't do it, Wade missed both, but on the second, Bosh went right up over the top of two Rockets, snatched the rebound, got fouled, and made both shots to put the Heat up 3.  To compound the problem, during the ensuing timeout, Sampson forgot to re-insert Jeremy Lin, and had to call his final timeout after sending the team back on to the floor to get Lin back in the game.  This ensured that the Rockets had to shoot a three to try to tie it, since without any timeouts left, they couldn't go for 2, foul, and bring the ball back to midcourt.  The timeout mistake was brutal, especially after the rebounding error - Tony Fiorentino pointed out "that's where your assistant coaches come in, to keep track of that stuff."  Ahhh, that's the problem - Kelvin Sampson is the assistant coach!  Oops!  Meanwhile, Coach Spo recognized that Houston would have to shoot a three, and for the first time all night put the league's best wing defender, KJ James, on Houston's best player, Harden.  Harden took two dribbles, tried to okey doke KJ, who stayed glued to his left (shooting) hand, and Harden eventually threw up an awkward fling under duress that missed by a mile.  Sometimes coaching doesn't matter at all - the players generally win or lose it.  But tonight it mattered a little bit, and Spo won that battle down the stretch.

3) Just realize this: no one in this league can really guard Chris Bosh, not when he's surrounded by KJ James, Dwyane Wade, and so many shooters.  He scored 24 more tonight on 10-14, and had 3 assists for good measure (not to mention the biggest play of the game amongst his 10 rebounds).  Here's what it has come to: in the second quarter, after a hot start, our Udonis Haslem-Rashard Lewis combination up front ground both the offense and the defense to a halt, and we didn't score for about an hour.  KJ James was passive (to be honest, he didn't play with a ton of energy, even in the second half - he just kept making bombs), Wade was out for a long while, and Ray Allen couldn't shake free for looks because the ball was not moving well.  When Bosh came back in, he didn't touch the ball for two or three possessions, prompting someone in Casa Dos, it doesn't really matter who, to scream at the tv "throw the ball to Bosh and let him score," whereupon someone finally did, and he did, instantly, twice in a row.  He is playing tremendous basketball right now.  Through all the criticism of Bosh over the last two seasons, I was often his only defender, the only one pointing out how talented he was, and how important he was to the team.  Go ahead, look back over the blog and see what you find!  And, believe me, I definitely didn't go back and edit any of the passages about him over his first two seasons here!  Are you crazy?  Do you think I have time to do that?  Of course I don't, I'm a grown-ass man!

4) Who in this league gets more dunks when he never comes back on defense and his team gets a stop and flips the ball downcourt to him where he is all by himself than Dwyane Wade?  Answer: no one.  And it's not even close!  Had a couple more tonight!

5) O!  M!  G!  It's like someone has been reading my mind when I'm dreaming, the really good dreams, the kind where you wake up, and you're ummm, kind of feeling it, if you know what I mean!  I mean, this is unbelievable, even I never expected this!  If anything could ever move Mario "Emcee" Chalmers past Mike Bibby as my all-time favorite Heat point guard, it would definitely go a little something like this: http://blogs.thescore.com/tbj/2012/11/12/new-nba-music-mario-chalmers-has-a-rap-song/?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=twitter

6) Shocker.

 

 

 

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We just played back-to-back games, we have tomorrow night off, and then we are back-to-back on Wednesday in LA versus the Clippers, and Thursday against Denver.  Those are both late games - ughhh!  If you need me before Wednesday, I'll be applying for the new opening at the CIA.  See you then, soldiers!
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Grizzlies 104 Heat 86

6 Thoughts

1) Listen, any time Wayne Ellington comes off Memphis' bench to hit 7-11 triples and score 25 points in 27 minutes, surpassing his career high by 7 points, you're probably going to lose.  Who?  Exactly!  Miami hung around for awhile, mostly because Memphis missed about 15 one foot layups, but in the end, Memphis just made too many triples (14-24) in a game where Miami couldn't make any shots - 38% overall, 4-15 triples, and 14 missed free throws.  I think a few dudes may have hit up the barbecue buffet line one time too many, and I'm not talking about Jax and Tony Fiorentino.  Well, we didn't want to have to do this, and it certainly comes out of nowhere, but we can't say he didn't earn it: Let It Fly, Wayne Ellington...Let. It. Fly.

2) This game was, bizarrely, billed as a litmus test for Miami's small lineup, since Memphis is really big up front.  People keep talking about Miami's small lineup, as in "can you win a title playing that small?"  Ummm, I'm pretty sure you can since, you know, we just did it!   In fact, we didn't really take off in the playoffs last year until Bosh came back from his injury and started at center with Battier at power forward, and liberal doses of KJ James playing the 4 as well.  That's the exact same starting lineup we are using this year.  Did I miss something?  Why is this even a question?  In any case, the rebounds were even tonight - KJ James made a strong effort on the boards with 10, and Dwyane Wade added 8.  That's how Miami survives with a small lineup in the playoffs, when it matters - they have the best two rebounding wings in basketball.  The points in the paint, I believe, were in favor of Miami tonight, too - although, I do think this was skewed because Memphis missed so many bunnies.  Also, Memphis was able to get a lot of good looks on the perimeter by playing inside out.  But that's no different than Miami creating looks off of drive-and-kicks by KJ and Dwyane.  Tonight Memphis made the shots, and Miami didn't.  I'm sure this won't answer the national basketball media's concerns that Miami is playing too small a lineup, but whatever.  If winning a championship didn't convince people, nothing that happened tonight was going to sway them.  Some people love to be dunces - that's a constant in life...

3) I hate to do this every game, but I am getting super tight about my Bosh predictions.  I thought he played very well again tonight - he battled the mountain-like Marc Gasol and the wide-bootied Zach Randolph as well as he could, and scored 22 points on 8-12 shooting.  Super-efficient.  But he didn't even shoot a three - he had one clean opportunity early in the game, but instead opted to pump fake Gasol by him in favor of a drive, stepped on the sideline, and turned it over.  He had other opportunities to shoot triples, since Gasol was only ever going to come out so far, but he kept putting the ball on the deck and going past him.  It was the right basketball play most of the time, but not the right play for my prediction that he'd make 50 triples this season.  He's stuck on one at the moment.  And now he's tied with "Jorts" (Jean shorts), Josh Harrellson, who came off the bench in garbage time and fired one in.  Jesus, Chris Bosh - do you see how easy it is?  Why can't you be more like Josh Harrellson?!?

4) Did I ever tell you about the time I met Memphis forward, and former University of Connecticut great, Rudy Gay, in the Buckland Hills Mall in Manchester, Connecticut?  It was a few years ago, over Christmas, I was home visiting family, he walked by me in the mall while my kids were playing on the indoor mall playground, and I said, "Hey, Rudy Gay, what's up?" and he said, "Hey, how are you?" and gave me dap.  He was with another player on UConn, but now I forget who.  The end.  Rudy was really good tonight, by the way, 21 points, 8 rebounds, 5 assists, 4 steals, 2 blocks, and one massive tomahawk dunk.  KJ-esque!  I love Rudy Gay!

5) Okay, double-standard time.  I'm allowed to love Rudy Gay because he went to the University of Connecticut, and I'm from Connecticut - that's just the way it is, I didn't make the rules, that's just life.  But it was more than a little disturbing when Heat television play-by-player extraordinaire, Eric Reid, enthused "I like what I am seeing out of 25 year old point guard Mike Conley tonight," and not just because most human beings don't refer to other people by their ages - "hey, this is my wife, the 28 year old cutie that I originally met in college!"  It's disturbing because Mike Conley was cutting up the Heat, and particularly Mario "Emcee" Chalmers, with his drives into the lane, finishing at the rim, and precise passing - he scored 18 points and had 9 assists.  Oh really, Eric Reid?  Guess what?  You know what I liked tonight?  What I heard out of Memphis Grizzlies tv play-by-play guy Pete Pranica!  He was absolutely terrific!  Did you know he started with the Grizzlies as their radio guy, then later became the tv announcer?  Yeah, it's true - multi-talented.  He also spent several seasons as the play-by-play guy for the Portland Trailblazers, working with color analyst Steve "Snapper" Jones - not too shabby.  How about this: did you know that he worked on NBC's award-winning coverage of the 2004 Athens Olympics, calling the team handball and judo competitions?  I forgot - which Olympics did you say that you covered, Eric Reid?  Also, Pete Pranica writes a column during the season on grizzlies.com, and instead of "Kaboom Town," he calls a three pointer "Kerpow-ville!"  I love you, Eric Reid, I'm just saying...Later in the game, Eric claimed he was looking forward to the Heat's rematch with the Grizzlies, back in Miami on March 1st.  Why, so you can watch Mike Conley carve us up again?  Listen, all I could think about was how if we still had Mike Bibby as our point guard, none of this would have been happening...

6) No one reading this blog can credibly claim he or she makes any differentiation between the names Brendan and Brandon.  Seriously - you don't even try to keep track of who is a Brendan and who is a Brandon, do you?  And why would you, what is the difference, honestly?  On this recent documentary called "Being Liverpool" on Fox Soccerrrr about my football club, Liverpool (that's "soccer club" to you rube-ish Americans), at one point Boston Red Sox manager Bobby Valentine calls new Liverpool manager Brendan Rogers "Brandon," and it made me laugh because he was inadvertently making a good point - no one cares about the difference.  In fact, I'm not sure Liverpool's manager isn't named Brandon Rogers, and Bobby Valentine called him "Brendan."  Whatever.  We all know what you do when you know a Brendan or a Brandon, and you need to use his name - you just say it super-fast, and kind of mumbly, and hope it gets by.  Even if you're wrong, and he notices, who cares?  That my point - no one cares.  Are you listening to me?  No one cares!
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Our next game is tomorrow in Houston against James Harden, Jeremy Lin, and the new-look Houston Rockets.  Let's hope that game is more interesting than the one we played last week against the new-look New Jersey Nets.  I love saying "new-look!"  If you need me before tomorrow, I'll be watching old episodes of 90210 - love that Brendan Walsh!  See you tomorrow night, Fox Soccerrrr fans!
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Heat 95 Hawks 89

6 Thoughts

1) The Mike Bibby Classic on Ascot Friday in Atlanta!  Just don't get no better than that.  The two teams on which Mike Bibby had his greatest successes (if you don't count all his great seasons in Sacramento, which I don't) - and in his honor, the two point guards, Almario Vernard Chalmers and Jeff Teague delivered in a huge way.  And Heat sideline reporter extraordinaire, Jason Jackson, who brings it extra-hard on Friday nights throughout the season, sartorially speaking, remembered to bring the ascot - last Friday he forgot to bring it to New York, and that's the only game we've lost!  Ten toes in, boy!  Not five!  Ten toes in!  Let it Fly!

2) Now, look, no one on the Heat or the Hawks is ever going to play the point guard position better than Mike Bibby did for these two franchises.  But Chalmers and Teague both tried tonight - and they were entertaining.  During Emcee's rookie season, Miami lost a 7 game series to the Hawks in the first round of the playoffs in which Emcee and Bibby spent 35 minutes a night standing on the perimeter girl-slapping each other into as great a state of aggravation as each of them can muster which, frankly, is not that great.  They are mellow dudes.  Tonight, though, Chalmers showed his growth as a player - instead of slapping people, he was tackling dudes all night long.  In the first quarter, he drove on Teague, Teague blocked his running layup, then Chalmers hit Teague in the face with an "accidental swinging forearm," then wrapped up Teague's arm and held onto him so Teague couldn't run back up court.  In the second quarter he fell and wrapped up Josh Smith's leg, holding on so Smith couldn't go anywhere, then later barrelled into a loose ball scrum and absolutely tackled Anthony Tolliver to the floor!  Getting physical!  He also had 10 points, including a big three down the stretch, and didn't turn the ball over.  But Teague, who was obviously well-mentored by Bibby, was great himself - he had 20 points on 7-8 shooting, including late back-to-back threes to tie the score, the second a backing up triple off the dribble that the Heat dared him to shoot.  Also had 11 assists and only 2 turnovers.  I'd like to think that somewhere Mike Bibby was watching this game and beaming with pride at his two former students, but he was probably sleeping.

3) Dwyane Wade missed this game with a cold.  This is exactly what I think we all hoped would happen this year - it's a long road trip the Heat are starting, it's a super-long season, we have a lot of aching, older bodies (not me, of course - I feel great) - give dudes nights off if they don't feel great.  Mike Mil-lar started in his place, and Ray Allen scored 17 (on 3-5 triples - Jesus, can he shoot!), but it was, ummm, Rashard Lewis (!) who stepped up to replace Dwyane by scoring three straight huge hoops late in the third quarter after the Heat had slipped behind by 5.  He knocked down a long left wing triple, then scored two straight post up short turnaround jumpers when he recognized he had a mismatch against the smaller Anthony Morrow - along with a Mil-lar technical free throw, the Heat went from 5 behind to 3 up in 90 seconds.  I can't say I've enjoyed watching Lewis play so far this season, but this was his best stretch of play.

4) KJ James didn't seem overly engaged, then bumped knees with Josh Smith in the second quarter, and seemed even less engaged afterwards.  Still, he finished with 21 points on 9-17, 11 assists, and 9 rebounds.  He only took one shot in the fourth quarter when, up 2, he took two dribbles to the left wing, Jordan-shoved DeShawn Stevenson to the ground, and buried a 20 footer to put the Heat up 4 with 13 seconds left.  Ballgame.  He's okay.

5) Chris Bosh: 7-13 from the floor, 10-10 from the line, for 24 points, and stuck a sweet pullup 20 footer in transition to put the Heat up 2 with 2 minutes to play.  Then, with under a minute to go, he made the play of the game by recognizing the Hawks trying to alley-oop backdoor to Josh Smith, and getting up to tip the ball away.  He's playing so well this season, so relaxed but active on both ends, if that makes any sense.  On the other hand, he's murdering my prediction that he would make more than 50 triples - 0-2 tonight, to fall to 1-10 on the season through 6 games.  Every time he catches the ball anywhere behind the arc, even if it's 70 feet away, I scream for him to shoot.  Got to get to 50, boy, you're wayyy behind pace!  Ten toes in, boy, not five - ten toes in!!!

6) Even if you were in Hell, you'd still be 45 minutes out of Scranton.  But if you did ever get there, you might see this:

So good!  When is he coming out with another album?  Is it true that he also did some acting?  Not familiar with that part of his career.  By the way, not a lot of people know this, but after Bruce Willis left that band, they hired Darius Rucker and became Hootie and the Blowfish.  Everybody wins!
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Next game is Sunday.  I hate Sunday games more than I hate Russell Westbrook, but at least it's an evening game, not an afternoon game.  I think we are in Memphis.  If you need me before then, I'll be wearing a headband, practicing long set shots, and "casually" throwing towels while opponents are shooting free throws.  Have a great weekend - drink a wine cooler or three for me!
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Heat 103 Nets 73

6 Thoughts

1) Are you fired up?  Ready to go?  No, seriously - are you fired up?  Ready to go?  I thought you would be!  You know who wasn't?  The New Jersey Nets!  Oh - Brooklyn Nets!  They were not fired up, not ready to go.  At all.  You know how little they cared?  Rashard Lewis dunked on them.  Twice!  You know what this all means, right?  Four more years...of Mario Chalmers!!!  Let it fly, Mario "Emcee" Chalmers (and America) - LET IT FLY!

2) The Nets never looked like they believed they could win this game - except for the Human Date Rape, Kris Humphries (11 points and 11 boards in 24 minutes - the kid's super-creepy, but he plays hard), there was a distinct lack of effort and belief from everyone else.  Deron Williams was the biggest offender - he threw the ball all over the yard on offense (7 turnovers in 31 minutes), and was an absolute turnstile defensively.  This game would have been over in the first quarter if anyone could have finished the plays that Almario Vernard Chalmers was making.  He kept blowing by Williams into the lane, finding open cutters, and dudes kept missing layups, and by "dudes," I mean "Chris Bosh."  But even most of the points they did score were due to Chalmers' new found ability to pass the ball: he found KJ James in the post with a one-handed bounce pass off the dribble past a flat-footed Williams (KJ was fouled), then found James again with a genius transition long one-hopper in rhythm past a slow-footed Brook Lopez.  Then he threw a brilliant looping entry pass to Wade, which collapsed the defense and resulted in a James triple.  Suddenly, this season, as if by magic, Chalmers has discovered passing.  With Wade and James posting up even more, Chalmers is handling the ball more than ever...and by some miracle, this has turned out to be a good thing!   His open spot-up jumpers are down (only 4 triples so far this season), but his assists are up - 7 per game (3.5 last year), 5 more tonight, and he lost a bunch due to guys missing bunnies, or getting fouled on the shot.  He also grabbed 6 boards, and clearly frustrated Williams - at one point they kept bumping each other intentionally, until Williams reached some kind of nadir by losing his temper, charging up court with the ball, and suddenly veering 8 feet across the court into a tracking Chalmers, earning an offensive foul.  Someone - I can't remember who - wrote something the other day to the effect of "scary thought - what if Mario Chalmers is becoming a good NBA point guard?"  Solid point - he's been excellent so far this season.  On the other hand, reverse jinx is now in effect - worst "Mario-esque" game ever coming in 3,2,1...don't seat any kids behind the basket in Atlanta on Friday night, unless they are wearing helmets.  Alley oop!!!

3) KJ James: 20 points on 7-12, 12 boards and 8 assists in 30 minutes.  After Humphries went bonkers on the offensive boards in the first quarter, KJ checked him for awhile, and that was pretty much the last that was heard of Humphries in the game.  Dwyane Wade: 22 points on 10-14 with 5 assists, and 2 more blocks.  After the game, KJ told Jax that no one on the team cares at all about scoring, or statistics of any kind - all they care about is making sure the ball moves, making sure the team gets the best shot possible.  It really does look that way - guys are so conscientious about moving the ball, and making the extra pass, and no one looks like they care about their numbers at all.  Okay, Dwyane looks like he might care a little.  He's making sure he gets his 20 most nights, let's put it that way.  No problem with that.

4) Let's check in on our early season predictions about Chris Bosh.  My prediction that he would make over 50 triples?  So far he has 1 in 5 games, so he's, you know, a little behind the pace!  Also, he's shooting 12.5% percent from behind the arc.  Two problems - one, he could actually shoot more of them, he's open all the time, but like everyone else he is passing the ball seeking an even better shot.  Two, he's not in the corner as much as I thought he would be - they run a lot of corner sets, but it's usually a wing who ends up in the corner, not Bosh.  He's generally rolling down the lane, or spotting up at the elbow.  I also predicted that he would be the second leading scorer on the team, ahead of Wade.  Heading into tonight, he was averaging 22.3 per game, and Wade was at 20.  I actually thought Bosh played well tonight - he was active on both ends of the floor, and kept rolling past the Nets bigs to the rim.  Kept missing layups, though, and finished 2-10 for 8 points.  Just one of those nights.  And they didn't need him - only played 24 minutes.  Wade's 22 moves him into second place for the time being.  Let's see how it plays out (CB - stop passing the ball!  Get yours, Son!)

5) Ahhh, I think maybe The Captain and I figured out today why KJ James won't shave his balding head:

6) This is a little game we like to play here once in a while called, "Who Is the Bigger Racist?" As you probably know, M.Minutos is black, for the most part, and I am white - very, very white. So this morning, I was running a little late and some very nice young women M.Minutos hired to come tidy up our house every so often were arriving just as I was leaving to go to work at Dos Minutos International Headquarters. I had never met them before - they are new, and they usually come during the day when I am working. I was in the driveway, with M.Minutos, and the young women were walking up towards us, and, without thinking, I just called out, "Hola, como esta? Bien?" Ummm, oops? One, I had no idea if they spoke Spanish. Two, even if they spoke Spanish, there was an excellent chance that they also spoke English. Three, I don't even speak Spanish - that's literally, the only Spanish I know. Oh, except for "da nada." Four, at one point last night during the election, some Republican dude was like, "the Republican party has a Latino problem," and I found it stupid and vaguely offensive - as many, many people pointed out, another name for those "Latinos" is "Americans." Predictably, as the women walked by me, they smiled (wanly) and were like, "Hey." Whoops! So, who is the bigger racist, me, or M.Minutos, or the two women? Answer: not me! It's M.Minutos. Don't forget, as MTV activist Kevin Powell said many, many years ago on the original season of The Real World, the correct formula to apply is: Race + Power = Racism. Obama is the president now, so M.Minutos has all the power, plus she is the one that hired the women. She's the racist! I am vindicated again!
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Next game is Friday in Atlanta.  If you need me before then, obviously, I'll be helping to count up our election votes here in Florida.  Don't worry, I anticipate we'll have that wrapped by mid-February.  See you then, Delroy Lindo fanatics!
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Heat 124 Suns 99

6 Thoughts

1) We have a lot of readers who aren't big "basketball people" - do you all know what a "pick and roll" is?  It's a basic offensive play in which one player, usually a larger guy (Chris Bosh, Udonis Haslem), comes over and sets a pick for a smaller guy (Dwyane Wade, Mario "Emcee" Chalmers), who then dribbles and tries to run his defender into the big, forcing the big's defender to move towards the dribbler, and then allowing the offensive big to roll down the lane and receive a pass at the rim.  You don't know that play?  Don't feel so bad - you know who else doesn't know it?  The Phoenix Suns!  Good God, Phoenix - they defended the pick and roll with all the intensity and competence of George Bush and Brownie's New Orleans FEMA effort, except this time the incompetence benefited black people: 18 first half points for Bosh!  12 points for the previously moribund Haslem!  It was layup after layup at the rim, and this game was a blowout from the jump.  Let's Go, and let's Let It Fly!

2) Phoenix didn't defend the rim at all, but at least they made up for it by not defending the three point line, either: a scorching hot 15-26 on triples for Miami.  Walter Ray Allen made 3-4; Chalmers 3-3; KJ James 2-3; Wade 1-1; James Johnson (as Ray mistakenly referred to James Jones on national television) 2-3; and Norris Cole 1-1.  Basically the only dude holding us back from the greatest shooting night of all time was the infuriating Rashard Lewis, who took time out from not defending the rim, fouling, and dropping rebounds into Suns' hands, to miss 4-6 threes (and even that isn't terrible).  Ray Allen has now made 12-20 on the season, and he's averaging almost 16 a game off the bench in 28 minutes a night.  So that's, you know, pretty good so far...

3) Easy and efficient night for the Big 3: Bosh 18 on 7-10, barely played in the second half; Wade 22 and 6 assists on 9-14; and Almario Vernard Chalmers (You Mutherf*cker) 9 points, 11 assists, 4 boards, 3 steals, and only 1 turnover, although he did stuff himself on the bottom of the rim once.  Oh, also KJ James was decent: 23 on 10-17, with 11 boards, in just 30 minutes...

4) Well, barring trade, tonight marked the only visit to The Trip this year by one-time Dos Minutos favorite Michael "Supercool" Beasley.  Mike and this blog started at the same time, and guess which one has grown and progressed more over the past 4 plus years?  Trick question: it's a tie, neither one has grown or progressed one iota!  We both stink!  Look, I've been saying the same thing about Beas since halfway through his second season: people can say all they want "Oh, if he would get his mind right, turn his attitude around, work hard, he could tap into his talent."  You know what that is code for?  He's black, he has a lot of tattoos, he wears cornrows, and he isn't good - that's all bullcrap, that's a bad rap on his character, and unfair, and a little racist.  No one says those things about Mike Mil-lar, and he's no All-Star.  It's so easy to blame it on Mike's "attitude," but the reality is that he isn't big enough or explosive enough to be a starting NBA power forward, and he doesn't have the quickness or the ball skills to be a starting NBA small forward.  No matter how hard he worked, no matter how shiny his attitude was, those two conditions would still exist.  His best skill is his ability to create shots - it's absolutely a skill, many guys can't do it.  James Jones can't, Mike Mil-lar can't, Mario Chalmers really can't.  The problem is, really good players create really good shots - Mike Beasley creates bad shots, and those are difficult to make, and thus he shoots a low percentage.  He was 3-13 tonight, for 7 points and 1 rebound in 29 minutes.  Phoenix is starting him at the small forward, but his best position is as a backup stretch four, to stand out in the corner and try to make open threes.  Tonight he had to guard KJ James - obviously he has no chance to do that.  But later in the game, when the Heat went small, Dwyane Wade was guarding him.  Now, look, absolutely, Dwyane is not the n-word to f*ck with in the post.  I don't care who you are, or how big you are - you try to grind Dwyane Wade down on the block, he's gonna spike your turnaround back into your forehead at some point.  But, Jesus, Mike, you're 6'8" - you have to at least try to take Dwyane down low.  But he didn't seem to have any inclination to do so, and it didn't seem like the Phoenix bench was in a hurry to shout out a set which had Mike on the block against Dwyane.  Overall, he's just not good enough.  I like the kid, I swear - this blog benefited from him tremendously over the two seasons he played here, because he was always doing or saying something funny.  But let's get off the "attitude" thing and be real: he's a backup, talent-wise.  That's what he is.  It's nothing to be embarrassed about.  Listen: at least he's better than Rashard Lewis.  Stay easy, Michael Beasley - love you, boy...By the way, if you want to read a whole bunch of Michael Beasley jokes at the Dos Minutos Twitter account (@DosMinutos), here's a link - just scroll back to yesterday: https://twitter.com/DosMinutos.

5) Speaking of Twitter and Mike Beasley jokes, here's a new segment tonight (one of two new segments!) called: "Why Older Dudes Should Not Use Twitter, And Specifically Not Heat Color Commentator Tony Fiorentino."

Dos Minutos‏@DosMinutos

"Favorite Heat memory? The games of Gin Rummy on the team flights with Eric Reid, Tony Fiorentino and Jermaine O'Neal." -Mike Beasley #StayEasy

 

Tony Fiorentino‏@TonyHEAT2xWC

Never happened RT @DosMinutos: "Favorite Heat memory? The games of Gin Rummy on the team flights with Eric Reid, Tony Fiorentino, and Jermaine O'Neal." -Mike Beasley #StayEasy

 

Oh, really?  That's not what I heard, Tony Fiorentino, that's not what my sources say, Coach...  I'd like to think he understood it was a joke, but I'm not so sure...

 

6) Here is the second new segment titled "DosMinutos' and CariMinutos' Texting Corner."

 

Dos: Cari, what % chance do u think there is that Tom Cruise has had someone killed at some point?  I say an 80% chance.

 

Cari: Are you going as Tom Cruise this Halloween?  If so, that doesn't give you free reign for murder.

 

Dos: No, not going as Tom Cruise, just thinking about that question...my best guesstimate is that he has had 4-6 people killed.

 

Cari: Isn't Christian Scientist a peaceful religion?

 

Dos: Yes, but he isn't that, he's a Scientologist, and they are murderers.

 

Cari: In that case, what are your thoughts about John Travolta?

 

Dos: Murderer.

 

Cari: What's the motive?

 

Dos: No motive.  Just a bad apple.

 

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Next game is Wednesday against the new look New Jersey Nets.  Election tomorrow - remember, you're just one person, how much could your vote possibly matter?  Don't even worry about it...If you need me before Wednesday, I'll be contacting the federal government about their witness protection programs - there's a good chance I just made the lists of Tony Fiorentino, Tom Cruise, and John Travolta...See you Wednesday, Tea Partiers!

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Heat 119 Nuggets 116

6 Thoughts

1) "Guys - we're up 1 with 14 seconds to play.  Listen - I coached Walter Ray Allen in Milwaukee, and the guy is absolutely lights out from the left corner.  Miami will probably put him out on that wing, KJ James will take the ball at the top of the circle and drive hard left, forcing Ray's defender to make a choice: either let KJ try to barrel to the rim one-on-one and stay at home on Walter Ray Allen; or, help off on to KJ to keep him off the rim, and pray that Allen misses the money ball from the corner.  Corey Brewer, I'm gonna put you on Ray.  Whatever you do, just make sure that when KJ starts his drive, you don't take a false step towards KJ, turn your head and lose sight of Ray, allow him to slide unimpeded to the corner, then try to run back out there late and barge into him as he releases the triple dead through the net for a four point play, causing him to leap into the air and chest bump KJ with a joy missing from his game since the day he was traded to Boston, and winning the game.  Okay?  Nuggets on '3' - 1, 2, 3: Nuggets!"  ...........Uh-oh......

2) Sequence of the night: You mean besides when Walter Ray Allen made a four point play to win the game in the waning moments?  How about halfway through the fourth quarter when the Heat got down 6, and he made triples on back-to-back possessions to tie the game (sandwiched around a defensive possession where Dwyane Wade blocked two shots by Andre Miller - 4 blocks for Dwyane tonight!)?  What does that do for you?  Not working?  How about when Andre Iguodala (Denver, loading up on Andres!) drove with a minute to go, down 1, Ray knocked the ball loose, and in the wild scramble that ensued he ended up sitting on top of Kenneth Faried, ripped the ball away from Faried, then Iguodala, and flipped it to Bosh, who sailed a long pass down court to Wade for layup to put the Heat up 3?  How does that one feel?  Allen made 6-10 triples tonight and scored 23 points, and seems to have recaptured his love of the game, so obviously missing during his time with the Celtics.  Mike Miller, previously the best shooter on the Heat, has been marketing a new energy drink that he owns called "Let It Fly."  He is endlessly - endlessly - tweeting about letting something or other fly.  If he wasn't Mike Mil-lar, it would be super annoying.  Anyways, I think it's safe to say that Walter Ray Allen is letting it fly at this point!  Let it fly, boy, let it fly, just like you flew away from that horrific Celtics team!!!  Love you forever, Walter Ray Allen!

3) Man, I'm so excited about Ray's night - I mean, that's my all-time boy since he was in college - I forgot one minor detail about the game: CHRIS BOSH FREAKING DROPPED 40 ALL OVER THAT MUG!!!  HE MADE JUMPERS, HE MADE LAYUPS, HE ROLLED TO THE RIM AND SMASHED THE BALL HOME WITH AUTHORITY, HE MADE FREE THROWS.  HE TOOK APART KOUSTO COSTAS, OR WHATEVER, THEN HE TOOK APART JAVALE MCGEE, THEN, JUST FOR GOOD MEASURE, HE TOOK APART KENNETH FARIED.  WHO ELSE YOU GOT, DENVER?  WHO ELSE YOU GOT?!!!!!!...Wow!  He was 15-22 from the floor, 9-10 from the line.  Goodness...One piece of advice for you, Chris: This how they gon' come at you- with silly rap feuds to distract you...

4) So far, through three games, Miami's defense grades out to about an F minus.  The only grade lower would be for actual effort on the defensive end, which would be about an F minus minus...Everyone is at fault, although I actually think Chris Bosh is giving very good effort on that end, as is nerdy teacher's pet Shane Battier, of course...As bad as the defense has been collectively, the absolute worst is in the second quarter, when Spo plays Udonis Haslem and Rashard Lewis together as the bigs for a while.  Free advice for Spo: never, ever do that.  Ever.

5) My favorite moment of the game (non-Ray Allen category): the stretches in the second and fourth quarters when Mike Mil-lar and Andre Mil-lar guarded each other!  Mil-lar on Mil-lar crime!  Like a dream come true!

6) Here are my five favorite holidays:

     5) Fake Sick Day

     4) Christmas

     3) "Vacation," the original one, of course, starring Chevy Chase, Anthony Michael Hall, and the   

          psycho girl Nikki from 90210

     2) Thanksgiving

     1) Dre Day

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Next game is Monday against Phoenix, and Mr. Stay Easy Supercool Michael Beasley!  My email inbox is ready for the 10 or so Dos readers who still think Miami made a mistake by trading Beasley and building around Wade, James, and Bosh.  If you need me before then, I'll be spotting up in the left corner of my driveway, waiting for O.Minutos to pass me the ball (which he never does - kid loves to shoot the rock).  See you then - remember, pro basketball is a sucker's bet!

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Knicks 104 Heat 84

6 Thoughts

1) Hurricane Sandy is still in New York!  And it's raining triples!  It seemed like no team has ever made more triples in a game against Miami than the Knicks did tonight.  You know why?  BECAUSE NO TEAM HAS EVER MADE MORE TRIPLES IN A GAME AGAINST MIAMI THAN THE KNICKS DID TONIGHT!  EVEN WITHOUT MIKE BIBBY, WHOM THEY (AND 29 OTHER TEAMS) FOOLISHLY DIDN'T RE-SIGN IN THE OFFSEASON!  For pete's sake: 19-36 on three pointers for New York!  5 for Steve Novak, 4 for Melo Anthony (Hubie-ism!), and 3 for every other Knick, past, present and future.  By the way, you know whose record they broke for most threes in a game against Miami?  Their own - last year!  Let's never play this team again!

2) The Knicks were geared up and emotional for their season opener, especially considering the difficulty their city endured the past few days.  The Heat, meanwhile, dialed up the intensity to about a zero, led by Dwyane Wade, who made it known before the game that he thought it was stupid to play a game in a disaster area.  Ummm, make that two disaster areas, because the Heat got destroyed.  Dwyane couldn't be bothered to guard anyone, and he wasn't alone.  KJ James was soft on that end, as well, as the Heat perimeter players kept allowing easy dribble penetration to the Knicks, which collapsed the defense, and led to open threes.  Almario Vernard Chalmers set the tone with two early fouls, sending him to the bench, then reached some kind of fouling nadir in the third quarter (for a normal player, not for him - he's naded lower nadirs) when he somehow karate kicked the landlocked Jason Kidd with .000001 left on the shot clock 25 feet from the basket when Kidd didn't even look like he was going to actually try to shoot the ball.  Oh, Mariooooo....

3) We will point this out between twenty and seventy times this season, but even though he was terrible - didn't move the ball, lazy on defense, too many long jumpers - KJ James' final stat line was 23 points (8-16), 7 rebounds, 5 assists, and 3 blocks.  We say it a bunch of times every year: even KJ's terrible games are better than most player's good games.  Just looking at this box score, you know what else is depressing?  The Heat got killed by the Knicks - and Melo Anthony only made 10-28 shots!  Yikes!

4) You know who I hate so far?  Rashard Lewis.  One, he hasn't jumped yet through two games.  Two, he hasn't moved his feet yet defensively in two games.  Tonight he got stuck out on a wing against Melo Anthony, got blown by, Melo missed the layup, but somehow got it back on the total other wing, with Lewis still on him, and blew right by him again for a hoop.  Ugh.  Later, 70 year old Kurt Thomas beat him to a loose ball.  Three, he shoots the ball approximately every time he touches it.  He shot it well tonight, honestly, 5-9, including 4-6 triples, for 16 points in only 20 minutes, but not playing defense (or the inability to play defense) paired with shooting the ball every time you touch it, isn't a real endearing skill set.  Two games into his Heat career, I'm not a fan...By the way, Heat play-by-player Eric Reid, in Sunsports' first game tonight, claimed that the aformentioned Thomas, who started his career on the Heat, then was traded, and has since actively hated the organization for the past 17 or so years for "what they did to me," is on his 'retirement tour' at the age of 40.  Really?  Now?  Hasn't he been on a retirement tour since 2002?  Believe me, as long as there is a Miami Heat organization to hate, Kurt Thomas will never retire.  Do you hear me?  Never! 

5) Okay, one the greatest friends ever of this blog, Snets - in fact, he might be the first regular reader that I was aware of - plays in a band named Sierra.  They are totally awesome - he's the keyboard player, and I think you will notice in this clip how strong the keyboards are.  This short video was filmed this week, in my honor, I like to think - in the longer version, Snets actually shouts me out from the mike.  Now, all you have to do is imagine a fort-ahhh-fiftyyy-ishh year old "maybe" woman in hot pants, with cracking, faded, alabaster skin, and a body like a refrigerator, spinning her hands like a (more) evil John Travolta, and thrusting her powerful hips to and fro.  And then you will have felt approximately 1/1000 of the experience that GFOB Thor and I had in Atlanta at The Claremont two weeks ago.  Thanks for dredging up that horrible, horrible memory, and mocking me in public with it, Snets!  'Preciate it!

6) Here are my five favorite cutting actions:

     5) Slice

     4) Surgical incision

     3) Stab (non-fatal)

     2) Dice

     1) Rough chop

I asked R.Minutos for his take, and he said, "The first cut is the deepest." Great point.

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Well, let's just move on.  This could be a long season, since we don't have a meaningful game until the second round of the playoffs in May.  We are right back down here tomorrow night against a frisky Denver team.  If you need me before then, I'll be making a giant chef salad - rough chop, boy!  Have a great Saturday, Refrigerator Heads!  

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