6 Thoughts
1) Order was not restored - not at all, really - but at least Dwyane Wade is back. Seemed to have his legs under him a little bit, was more acclimated to the speed of the game after missing all of preseason, and had 30 points, 7 rebounds, and 4 assists, as the Heat opened up a 26 point lead in the third quarter and cruised in for an easy win which was not nearly as competitive as the score indicated...Let's do - with a geography lesson down in #6.
2) Why was order not restored? Because two of the Three Kings were absolutely terrible. I mean, LeBron James, or as he has now been nicknamed by M.Minutos, "LJ," played approximately somewhere between terrible and horrific. He had 5 first quarter turnovers on his way to a 9! turnover game, and a 5-12 shooting performance. At least 4 of his turnovers led to run outs and baskets on the other end for Philly. Chris Bosh was only vaguely better - had 15 points and 7 rebounds, but again was tentative and non-assertive. What does it say when two of your best three players play extremely poorly and you still beat an NBA team - sort of - that badly? I don't know, man. Are we sure Philly is an NBA team? Wow...
3) So, if Wade was good, and LJ and Bosh were bad, how did the Heat win? Triple. Triple. Triple. Triple. Triple. Triple. Foot-on-line dos. James Jones - never moving from the perimeter and feeling it, 6 of 9 on threes, and 7-10 for the floor for 20 points! Made four second quarter bombs - 3 in one run - to put the Heat up 14, and essentially ended the game. James is the only dude from Miami on the team, distinguished himself in a halftime cooking segment with Jax last year, and now is playing that Mike-Miller-stand-on-the-perimeter-catch-spits-from-LJ-and-Wade-and-stroke-it role while Miller is out. Tonight, he and Wade - that was enough...
4) The boys are back! From now on to be referred to in this blog as The Boyz. Eric Reid, Tony Fiorentino, and Jax - now with a slick-looking, sexy, shaved dome! I'd say they were better than ever, but Eric was hampered late in the game by a hoarse throat. Uh-oh, now that the Heat are back in the limelight, I hope he's not going all diva on us! The pre-game show featured Tony, as always, daintily caressing his mic like a modern-day Dean Martin, talking about the beat down in Boston last night, crooning that there were "a lot of bright spots in that game, Eric." Yes, true. One, Shaq didn't eat anybody. Two, no, that's it - that was the only bright spot. Everything else was terrible. And the game wasn't even on Sunsports, so we had to suffer through it with TNT announcers. But tonight, against crappy Philly, with The Boyz in the saddle, on the first play of the game when Chris Bosh posted, handed off to a baseline-cutting Dwyane Wade, who dunked while Elton Brand remained anchored to the floor like the Liberty Bell, you just had to feel like, "ahhhhhhhh."
5) Coach of the Year race update: Early front-runner, obviously, Doug Collins, new Sixers coach. He has been a head coach in this league three or four different times, each time getting bounced quickly because he is over-emotional, ultra-punitive with his substitution pattern, and his resting heart rate is "heightened panic." The pregame Collins introduction by The Boyz featured a clip of his press introduction to the Philly media which included a highly emotional recounting of the day he was drafted as a player by the Sixers back in the early 70s. Uh-oh. He then went on to call Wade and LJ "two of the best fastbreak players in the NBA;" held up a #20 Sixers uniform with the name Collins, as if he were going to play; claim that he doesn't always like to start his five best players; and sweat through his off-pink shirt halfway through the second quarter, turning it dark purple from mid-navel upwards. Oh, The Boyz also reported he suffered a severe case of vertigo in the preseason, causing him to fall and sustain a concussion. Oh, and he had a near nervous breakdown 8 minutes into the game when his players couldn't hear what set he was trying to call from across the court on an innocuous sideline inbounds play. Oh, and he yanked a starter ninety seconds into the second half for throwing a bad pass. And insisted on making human statue Elton Brand the centerpiece of the team's offense. It is going to be a long, long season for the Sixers' players...A looooong season. And, he, clearly, is the odds-on favorite for coach of the year.
6) Geography time! Who here knew that the Netherlands were part of Europe? Be honest…I thought the Netherlands were part of Scandinavia, and I thought that Scandinavia was a whole separate thing, like up in the ocean, far away from Europe. I do kind of wish that I had not expressed this to The Captain yesterday, because I received a good ten minutes of ridicule, especially when he asked me “Why did you think that,” and I thought about why I thought that, and then I said, “Because people, like, go on cruises to Scandinavia, so I thought it must be apart from other places.” I mean, The Captain already thinks I am a little dopey – he didn’t need more ammunition. So then he said, “What about Portugal,” and then I said, “What about it,” and then he said, “Do you think that is part of Europe,” and I said, “I know it is part of Europe,” and he said, “How do you know that,” and I said, “Because it is down at the bottom near Spain,” and he laughed, and I didn’t know why, but now that I am looking at a map of Europe that I just googled, I see why he was laughing since Portugal is off the western edge of Spain, and not at all where I actually thought it was. Well – we can’t all be fucking Einsteins!
Back Friday vs. Orlando - that's a tough one. Uh-oh, Chris Bosh - I hate to say this so early in your Heat career, but you need to get your mind right!
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