Okay, training camp has started, and exhibition games are right around the corner. Nothing is more boring than NBA training camps and exhibition games, so we are really just waiting for the games to start, but there is still some outstanding business to address. So let's, ummm, address some of it with a quick check-in...
Mike Beasley is gone, traded to Minnesota for a second round draft pick, in order to create the salary cap room that enabled Miami to sign Wade, Bosh, James, et al. Are you thrilled about that?
Hardly. As much as I did not enjoy watching him play the game of basketball, Mike was the most interesting kid we ever had on this team. He got in two bizarre drug-related incidents, including one where he hid in a closet, and another where he took a photo of himself doing drugs and posted it on Twitter (see the photo on the front page of this blog); during any post-game interview had the general demeanor of a mescaline-head; had the illest ink this side of Li'l Wayne; and played one game with an eight foot tall afro. And, believe me, that is a very abbreviated list...When you have to write eighty-two game blogs a year, a guy like Mike Beasley is a godsend. What am I going to make fun of now, Eddie House's headband and "developing" waistline? Mike - I love you, I will root for you. Keep it supercool, Jimmy Buckets!!!
What are we going to call LeBron James?
To be honest, I didn't really follow his career much until July, but from what I can tell, it seems like a lot of people called him either 'LBJ' or 'King James." I propose that we retire both of those as the intellectual property of Cleveland. For a long while this summer he sported a wicked awesome Amish beard (Troubled Black Dude Beard?), so we thought about calling him John Book, but he shaved it off for training camp. From all reports, he is looking lean, focused, and distributing the ball like a modern day Magic Johnson with hops. I say we keep it simple: "James." We call him "James."
What is one thing people forget about this team?
Chris Bosh demands a double-team in the mid-post. People forget that. You can't guard him with one guy. He has a sweet jumper, is arguably the quickest power forward in the league, and an excellent free throw shooter. I have seen him torch Udonis Haslem. Many times. And UD isn't a guy who gets torched a lot. Bosh isn't going to be the featured guy - obviously. But there will be plenty of times Wade or James, or both, will be on the bench, and Chris Bosh is a better third offensive option than anyone else's third offensive option.
What is another thing people forget about this team?
They were a pretty blah offensive team last year - but they won 47 games because they were a top 5 defensive team, statistically. And they had some limited - lim. it. ted. - guys athletically (I love you Jermaino). Exit The Pres Quentin Richardson (RIP Pres), who was solid defensively but limited by his size and athleticism, and enter James, the best defensive small forward in the league. Exit the short, slow, and somewhat addled Mike Beasley, and enter Chris Bosh, who is quicker, longer, and smarter than Mike. Already you are better defensively. Now factor in that Wade, James, and Bosh can expend less energy at the offensive end than they have ever had to before. Now realize that the franchise's culture is all about getting stops - Wade has referred to it repeatedly during training camp ("I think we'll be okay offensively - but the one thing I know is that we will be good defensively")...In a big game, in a big spot, this isn't going to be a fun team to try to score on...
What is your favorite new tv show?
Well, of course, it's the new smash hit on Bravo, "Gay, Straight, or Taken." Basic premise: a young, single woman ranging anywhere from "reasonably good-looking" to "very attractive," meets three guys ranging anywhere from "super gay" to "the gayest human being ever to walk on the planet Earth." She goes on a series of contrived tv dates with each one: "I really think I will be able to learn a lot about him from this archery lesson..." Then, she has to try to guess which one is gay, which one is straight and available, and which one is already taken. If she guesses correctly, she and the single straight guy go on a dream vacation, which is probably to, like, Cozumel. If she guesses incorrectly, the person that she incorrectly picked gets to go on the vacation with his partner. It is incredibly challenging to figure out who the straight available guy is because the dates are so short and fake, because the show is obviously heavily edited, and because, as I said, there has never been one guy on the show whom you would even consider for a moment is not gay...We actually got a complaint lately that we write too much about gay things, and that might mean I am gay - look, if you meant that as an insult, I don't know what to tell you...This is the greatest show currently on tv, maybe of all-time, and I don't care if they are gay, if I am gay, if you are gay - all I know is that as soon as I post this blog entry, I am going right over to the new tv to watch some of the sixty-five episodes I've got saved up on the dvr...
We've got about three weeks left until the season starts. We'll check in a couple of times before then with a more formal season preview (perhaps), and The Summer of 2010 Television Saga (for certain). Until then, don't front...
