6 Thoughts
1) Miami played a great first half, and led by 29 at the beginning of the third quarter. They played atrociously in the second half, and let the lead slide all the way down to 4, before holding on to win. Here's the rundown: in #2, we'll talk about Udonis Haslem winning the game. In #3, why we are consistently struggling offensively in third quarters. Then in #4, the rebounding issue, and in #5, as always against the Sixers, we criticize Elton Brand. To close it out in #6, we would briefly discuss Third Eye Blind if we knew anything about them, which we don't, since obviously no self-respecting, grown adult male would ever know anything about Third Eye Blind. Let's go!
2) I know this is hard to believe, but sometimes people will email the blog to criticize something that I wrote. Every once in a while, someone will accuse me of never writing anything mean about Dwyane or Udonis. First of all, with all due respect, those people can go to hell. Second of all, neither Dwyane nor Udonis has ever done anything wrong on the court, ever, since they've been on the Heat. Sometimes the referees will mess them up, but that's about it - can't really blame them for that. That being said, it would be tough to argue that this has been Udonis' best season. He hasn't, ummm, made quite as many jumpers as one would like, he hasn't finished well inside, and Chris Bosh's propensity for tipping rebounds instead of grabbing them has rubbed off on him. But, tonight he won the game. As Miami's offense ground to a complete and total halt (only 27 second half points), and Philly closed to single digits halfway through the fourth, UD scored 8 points on 4-4 shooting, including three critical jumpers. He won the game. I said this at the end of the 09-10 season, when UD was a free agent, and it seemed like Miami would not have the cap room to bring him back: I'd rather lose every game with Udonis, than win every game without him. And I still feel that way - he's my favorite basketball player ever, and probably my favorite human being ever, after Ben Gazzara, and then my family. For those of you who don't like that, you can stop reading "Dos Minutos," and switch over to "The Daily Bosh."
3) You know why the offense keeps grinding to a halt in the third quarter of games? Because in first halves, Dwyane and KJ James go to the block and freakin' kill people. In the third quarter, they stand around on the perimeter and let Emcee Chalmers and Joel Anthony run late pick-and-rolls. Then Dwyane comes out halfway through the quarter for his normal rest, and KJ runs the offense by dribbling for 17 seconds 44 feet from the hoop, and then passing to Chalmers so he can run the late pick and roll with Joel. Why? I have no idea why. I have no explanation, or joke. That's just how we do, I guess.
4) Rebounding. Here's the thing with rebounding: our big guys pretty much stink at rebounding - just like last year. When we play a team that's good on the boards in the regular season, like Orlando, like Chicago, a lot of times we get killed on the boards - just like last year. Every fan starts looking for the magical volume rebounder who is going to save us - last year it was Zydrunas Ilgauskas, or Jamal Magloire, or Erick Dampier. This year it is Dexter Pittman, Eddy Curry, Kyrylo Fesenko, Shavlik Randolph, or Ronny Turiaf. Guess what? Just like last year, none of those guys is going to help. Just stop it! Don't write me anymore about terrible bigs! And when I write to you about them, don't write me back! In the playoffs, Dwyane and KJ have to rebound for us to win - just like last year. They have to make up the difference. In the first half tonight, after two straight road losses to tough teams, facing another good team in their building, those two went to work on the glass - 9 first half rebounds for Dwyane (11 for the game), and 7 overall from KJ. That's a ton of rebounds from your two wings. In the pregame, Tony Fiorentino highlighted the need to shore up that area, pointing out, in particular, that Chris Bosh needed to get to get more physical and body opposing bigs away from the rim. That would be a great idea...if he were a totally and completely different person, the kind who would have the will and physicality to body someone off the boards, rather than stand there with his hands in the air like a statue. When it matters, let's leave the bodying people off the boards to Dwyane and KJ.
5) Elton Brand with an impactful 3-8 for 6 points tonight in 29 painful minutes. I can't respect someone who doesn't even have the decency to try to get in shape when he's getting paid 17 million dollars a season. It's one thing not to play well; it's another to be woefully out of shape. Pitiful This is not what Coach K taught you at Duke, Elton. He told you to get in shape, then cheat by leaping in front of drivers at the last second, directly under the rim, and to fall down when they make any contact with you whatsoever. You don't even deserve the name Elton - even Elton John was cooler than you. Elton John rocked, he was a nerdy, balding little wimp (like me!), but at least he put it all out there, he gave it everything he had, he beat the crap out of that little keyboard and hammered us with "Saturday Night's Good for Fighting," or whatever it is called. You're like bad hair-transplant, "I Guess That's Why They Call It the Blues," Elton John, and that's a terrible thing to be...On the other hand, is there any chance the Sixers buy him out? Maybe he could help us with our rebounding!
6) I saw today in the very excellent daily periodical, The Palm Beach Post, that Third Eye Blind will be playing at our annual music festival down at the waterfront in West Palm Beach, called Sunfest. Yes!..Ummm, I mean, "oh, whatever." Last season, one night after a Heat game, I obviously didn't stay up for an extra hour watching a recent live Third Eye Blind concert on Mark Cuban's station HDNet, which is the worst television channel name ever, and I definitely didn't notice that in their stage set, the band ran their name together with no spaces in big lights behind them, like this: THIRDEYEBLIND, and I couldn't stop thinking about how there was no way you could look at that and not think "THIRDEY EBLIND," instead of "THIRD EYE BLIND." Not that I care, since I totally don't know the words to every single song on their 1997 debut, Third Eye Blind, which featured 5 singles - "Semi-Charmed Life," "Graduate," "How's It Going to Be," "Losing a Whole Year," and "Jumper" - and sold over 7 million albums. I would never, ever know the words to those songs, because Third Eye Blind is clearly for teenage girls, although to be honest, I think it is totally okay for a dude to admit that lead singer Stephan Jenkins has a certain insouciant charm. And I would never, not in a million years, stay up late one night and teach myself how to play "Jumper" on an acoustic guitar. So I really, really, won't be going to see them play Sunfest. I mean, don't make any plans to do something with me that night because, actually, I totally have something else to do, but it's with another group of friends that you don't know, from a different town, and it definitely has nothing to do with going to see Third Eye Blind...
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We're back Sunday against Orlando. Dwight Howard is definitely off that team now, right? He forced the trade to New Jersey, right? There's no way that turned out to be a whole big sham where his agent was trying to force him there, but he didn't really want to go, and in the end he stood up for himself and stayed in - ewwwwww - Orlando, right? Ahhh, it's going to be so nice to play them without the big fella in the middle! If you need me before then, I'll be wishing you would step back off that ledge, my friend, and you could cut ties with all the lies that you've been living in...
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