1) Bad. That was bad. Everything about it was bad. Both teams were bad. Our coach was bad. The refs were bad. Predictably, the game went to overtime, so everyone had to suffer another five minutes. The game's nadir was reached late in overtime when, up 4, Dwight Howard missed 2 consecutive free throws (a mind-boggling 6-18 on the night, which allowed Miami to hang around), the second barely grazing the front iron, and then Miami, desperately needing a quick hoop, jogged it down to the other end at half-speed where Dwyane Wade completely whiffed a triple. Bad. I am sure there were worse games to watch this year, but my memory is also so bad that I can't remember them. Well, if form holds, this post will suck! Let's go!
2) We say all the time that KJ James doesn't have bad games, but even he couldn't escape this one. Sleepwalked through a 7-20 for 19 points. He did have 11 rebounds and 8 assists, but he really wasn't aggressive at all - kept declining to drive against Hedo Turkoglu, even though I am pretty sure he couldn't hold O.Minutos off the dribble. KJ was bad. He's entitled once in a while. Dwyane was also pretty low energy. He scored 28, but took 22 shots, and wasn't his normal dynamic self. Also made a poor decision, I thought, on the last possession of regulation, tied, by stepping back into a contested 20 footer against JJ Redick. It's the same shot he made last game against Indiana to win, but it's still a lazy play. It's a Kobe Bryant hero ball play - look at Kobe's late game shooting numbers sometime. They're putrid. If this was a real blog, I'd look them up for you, but it isn't, and I won't...
3) I'm not going to say the refs, specifically crew chief Ed Malloy were worse than KJ and Dwyane, but they were probably equally as bad. Miami shot no free throws in the entire second half and overtime. I'll be fair - they weren't attacking (except for Chris Bosh's dunk on Dwight Howard!). But, still, when the other team shoots 34 free throws for the game, and you shoot 11, and none of them come in the second half, that is disappointing. Ed Malloy's nadir also came late in overtime when he bizarrely waved off a Chris Bosh 3 point play which would have put Miami up 1 (and been our only free throw of the half!), gave Miami the ball on the side, KJ went to the rim, got hammered, didn't get a call even though everyone on the court stopped and Jameer Nelson went in for a layup to go up 4, and then Miami came back down and Malloy called an off-the-ball offensive foul on Emcee Chalmers, which would have effectively ended the game if Dwight Howard hadn't continued to miss free throws. I guess Ed Malloy is entitled once in a while, too.
4) Coach Spo ordered a Hack-a-Dwight with just over two minutes to go in the fourth quarter - obviously, those were the two in a row that he nailed. I'm not going to go on a rant - Spo's entitled to a soft moment, too - but, please, let's never do that again. That is the way bad teams play. We can get a stop, trust me. You know who didn't have a bad moment? Coach Stan Van Gundy! Love that man! I think he gets more out of this team than any other coach gets out of his talent on any other team. They play beautifully, even if they are not incredibly athletic...More importantly, he loves the High-Arm Fold, like in the picture below. I went to it in the second quarter - kept waiting for M.Minutos to look over, but she didn't, and my triceps were starting to cramp, so I finally broke down and had to tell her to look. "I couldn't wait any longer because it hurts," I lamented. "You need that roll of fat to rest them on," she observed. Solid point. If Spo (who is best friends with Stan Van - served as his assistant when SVG was here) ever goes Hack-a-Anybody again, we're bringing back Stan the Van.
5) Wait- Dwight Howard is still on this team? You have to be kidding me. I don't know what's sadder: how long this has dragged out for, or that I have miscalculated the trade deadline three different times this season! Every time we play Orlando, I have assumed that it was the last time we play them with Howard there. The trade deadline is Thursday; we play them again Sunday. There's no way he will still be on the team Sunday - he will be traded to New Jersey before then. This time I know I'm right! Though it would be superfunny if after tonight Orlando was like, "Heyyy, we just beat Miami - we could really win this thing! Let's keep him and see what happens," and then he leaves in the offseason and they get nothing. By the way, that scenario would be a thousand times less funny if he stayed and they actually beat us in the playoffs...As far as Howard forcing his way out of Orlando, I wholeheartedly support that. Reports this week - probably the first reliable and believable reports of the whole saga - surfaced that he really wants to play in Miami (duh), but there's no way we can part with the Human Statue, Chris Bosh, for him. He's going to have to go to New Jersey. Let's try one more time to illustrate why he should want to leave Orlando, we tried to explain it before, but I'm not sure you've totally got it yet: Orlando Jones, the actor > Orlando, the city. You know, this joker:
Got it now? I don't know how I can be any more clear!
6) Okay, okay - I had to go get an EKG a couple of weeks ago. Don't worry, I'm fine, thanks for your concern. If you don't believe me, for you EKG-fanatics, check out the results below. More importantly, I know it is tough to make out, but enlarge it if you have to: see the doctor who gave me the EKG? Dr. Weitman! Yes - the White Man! Listen, I'm a white man - when I am dealing with a potentially serious medical issue, I go as white as I can, because I know he will be sympathetic to my specific medical needs. And it doesn't get any whiter than this! Dr. White Man read the EKG and told me I am white as rain! Holla!
---Back tomorrow night in Chicago. If you need me before then, I'll be looking for more photos - prop-heavy blog tonight, I'm like Carrot-Top. White-Top! Until then, Go White or Go Home!
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