1) Look, it's been said many times by many people - okay, by me - that the heart and soul of the Miami Heat is provided by three people: Dwyane Wade, Udonis Haslem, and me. So, in the closing moments of this game, when Dwyane made a key jump hook after struggling all night; then drove and found Udonis for a 16 foot jump shot; then drove again and found Udonis for a backdoor alley-oop dunk; and Udonis shut down Josh Smith on three straight possessions; then made a brilliant defensive play to slide off Smith and give a strong contest to Jannero Pargo's last ditch three point attempt; while the whole time I provided the reverse jinx by repeatedly screaming at Dwyane to throw the ball to KJ James, and demanding that KJ take Josh Smith defensively because I thought Smith would kill Udonis, I don't think anyone was surprised. Dwyane, Udonis, and me, we've closed out a ton of these games over the years. We all may be a older, but what we lack in athleticism, we make up for in savvy, and also, a total misguided belief on my part that KJ James should make every play on both ends down the stretch of games. Let's go...
2) Miami played hard for about two minutes of the third quarter, when the Hawks opened up a 10 point lead, and the Heat got mad and scored 13 straight; and for about two minutes in the fourth quarter, after the game was seemingly over when the Heat opened a 6 point lead with a few minutes to go, and the Hawks clawed back to a tie with a couple of minutes left. Both teams were on a back-to-back, looked exhausted, and that resulted in a game that was not at all fluid. The Hawks turned the ball over 121 times. Wait- what? Oh, only 21 times. Seemed like more. Meanwhile, Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh combined to shoot 2-13 in the first half, and Miami trailed by a bucket, even though for the first time in franchise history, an opposing team went the entire first half without shooting a free throw, which I'm sure Hawks coach Larry Drew appreciated. Sometimes it's just that way in this league - a slog into the final moments, then the team that makes one more play wins. Tonight Miami got a bunch of big ones from Wade, Bosh made a key jumper, and UD brought it home. Still, one can't help thinking that the Hawks win this game by 20 if they still had Mike Bibby.
3) KJ James is a freak. He didn't even play well, but when Miami got down 10 in the third quarter, it was like he said, "Okay, I guess I need to do everything," and proceeded to do everything for about a four minute stretch to turn a 10 point deficit into a 3 point lead. A bunch of wing jumpers, a few deflections on defense, rebounding in traffic - problem solved. You wouldn't say he played particularly well or hard, and still his line was 12-20 for 31 points, 11 rebounds, 2 assists, a steal, 2 blocks, and he was clearly the best defensive player on the court. Though UD took Josh Smith at the end of the game (nice first half for Smith and he finished with 23 points), KJ took him during that third quarter run and Smith's inability to create offense against James during that stretch helped turn the momentum. Also, he spent his postgame interview looking into the camera and pitching Peyton Manning on coming down to the Dolphins. Doin'. It. All. I've never seen anyone play consistently better over the course of a season, and I've seen - we've all seen - Dwyane have some incredible years. But Dwyane has bad games; KJ really doesn't. Before the start of tonight's game, KJ was averaging 27.6 points, 8.5 rebounds, almost 7 assists, almost 2 steals, and he's shooting over 55% from the floor. And 40% on triples! And 77% from the line. And he's one of the best handful of defensive players in the league, and probably the only who regularly guards 4 different positions. That's crazy. It's just crazy. Totally crazy. The Miami Heat are all about Dwyane, UD, and me, but even I have to admit, I've never seen anything like this. Don't f- this up, KJ, you better win this title for Dwyane, UD, and me...
4) For the last time this season, the Heat were wearing their Miami Floridians throwback jerseys. We've been doing this for like eight seasons and I still have no idea who the Miami Floridians were. An ABA team? A lot of times, like tonight when Jason Jackson was interviewing a former Miami Floridian player named, umm - I have actually no idea what his name was - I am trying to watch the game. In any case, the unis are super unattractive, a multicolored melange of stripes, kind of reminiscent of the new Marlins uniforms. But you know what are supercool? The sweet cardigan warmup jackets! Slick - cardigan warmups! Made by Addidas (notice the stripes on the shoulder). They don't sell them to the public, which means I need to convince M.Minutos to knit me one on her loom. Modeled here by, who else, Mr. Double Popped Collar himself, Shane Battier!
5) In the fourth quarter, former Heat great Erick Dampier, whom I nicknamed "Screen Du Jour" because the moment he steps on to the basketball court his whole raison d'etre becomes screening people - on offense, on defense, during timeouts, whenever - checked in and laid maybe the most illegal screen of all-time on KJ James. Dampier was screening down at the elbow as KJ's guy was trying to pop to the top of the key to receive a pass. KJ tried to slip in the gap and cut the guy off at the foul line. As he did, Screen took one step, lowered his shoulder into KJ, locked up his other arm wth his free hand, and drove him into the ground. That's not easy to do - KJ has to weigh 260 pounds. The refs called a foul - not only was it the most illegal screen ever, but also arguably the most blatant foul of any kind of all-time - but I think we all enjoyed it. Screen du Jour should hold the title of Man Who Has Committed The Most Illegal Screen of All-Time, it's only fitting. Even KJ got up laughing.
6) Dos Minutos International Headquarters is located in a plaza, almost conveniently, right next to Publix (grocery store, for you non-Floridians). It would be totally convenient to grab something to eat, if the checkout lines at that store didn't move at the same approximate pace as Erick Dampier. Slllooowwwww. That's another story. Today, I was starving and hadn't brought anything to eat, so I was forced to go over there. Sometimes there are a few homeless dudes who sit on a bench between Dos M. Int'l HQs and the store. Today, as I walked by the bench, there was one of those dudes sitting there, and looking all, you know, homeless, and I was wearing a dapper ensemble consisting of a mauve Polo shirt with thin white stripes, light slacks, and a dark green tie. Someone pointed out that I looked like the tournament director at Wimbledon. As I walked by the homeless dude, I happened to catch his eye, and I started to give him a little nod, but before I could, he looks at me with utter disgust, and his voice dripping with derision, sneers out, "Office boy." HAAAAAAA!!!!! That was the funniest insult I ever got - and I've received a lot of them! How dare you, homeless dude! When I got back to Dos M. Int'l HQs, I told them the story, and The Captain goes, "Well, that guy has you pegged." That made my whole day- I feel like that homeless dude and I shared a moment! Godspeed, Occupy Bench dude - I hope you get back on your feet! Fight the Power!
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Got my new ipod today, I'm feeling good. Obviously, the first song I played on it was Motley Crue's "Girl, Don't Go Away Mad, Girl Just Go Away," if only because a lot of days, that's the only song that I play at all. I think we are off until Saturday, when we play Indiana. If you need me before then, I'll be in my office. Of course.
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