1) Man, what a weird game: just when you think the Celtics are ready to hit you full-on with the doucheball, they go the total opposite direction, make about 100 jump shots in a row, so that even though the Heat scored easily and often - 107 points against the hottest defense in the league - the Celtics held on for a pretty easy win in Miami. Everyone expected a playoff-type game, but it was anything but - a lot of open shots, a lot of baskets, not a lot of great defense. Sixty-one percent shooting in the game for the C's, including an absurd 9-14 on triples. Goodness! I have to be honest with you - I think I preferred doucheball. Let's go, although it's not going to help, because no matter how hard, or how fast we go, the Celtics are probably just going to make another jumper!
2) After the game, Coach Spo, who loves catch phrases, had a new one: "we feel uncomfortable." He used it maybe 15 different times in a 5 minute press conference. "We are uncomfortable with the way we are playing." "Our rotations are uncomfortable." "We are missing plays at the rim, and that made us uncomfortable." But he also used it in a positive way: "I think the fact that we feel uncomfortable will help us get better (another Spo catch phrase "get better" - Heat players have had that one phrase pounded into their brains so much that they say it all the time, KJ James hasn't said anything but "we are getting better" in an interview for months)." Guess who is really uncomfortable right now? Me! This is the time of the year where every game affects playoff seeding, and so every score I see in every other Eastern Conference game forces me to recalibrate who stands where in the conference. Why? I don't know - it's just what I do. It's not even that important - I just feel like I need to know. Right now, the standings fall in the best possible way for Miami. They are sitting second, and Indiana leads Boston for the #3 seed by two games (although Boston holds the tiebreaker). If Indiana holds them off, and Boston stays ahead of the Sixers to win their division, Boston will be the 4 seed. Thus, they play Chicago in the second round - Miami only plays the winner. The nightmare scenario is the Sixers catch Boston to win the division - they are three back right now, and were in complete free-fall, but they hammered New Jersey tonight, and still, inexplicably, have two more games against them in the last 2 weeks, along with a few other soft opponents. In that scenario, Boston could fall to the #7 seed, and we play them in the first round. Look, at some point you have to go through Boston or Chicago - we had to go through both last year. For me, personally, I'd prefer to put it off as long as possible. I'll be uncomfortably checking all the scores tomorrow night again...
3) If the playoffs started right now, I don't think we could win a championship. We are not playing well enough. Let's just kind of touch on the main problem, and then move on. Okay? The main problem is Chris Bosh. He's an All-Star level player, even if he isn't a great, great player. But since the All-Star game, he has stunk the joint out almost every night. He was 5-13 for 13 points tonight. Meanwhile, the two guys he covered, Kevin Garnett and Brandon Bass, were 11-14 for 24 and 4-8 for 12 (and 10 boards) respectively, a lot of them right over Bosh. He got outplayed by both guys! Also, on the biggest play of the game, he got stuck with Paul Pierce on a switch, got taken to the rim, and didn't even get a contest on Pierce's layup, even though Pierce is 4" shorter and barely quicker than Bosh (though admittedly crafty). It isn't good enough. Last year he outplayed Garnett in the playoffs, but right now he isn't playing well enough for Miami to get to the Finals. With him playing cruddy night after night after night, it just becomes Wade and KJ and a bunch of other guys trying to help. They need Bosh to play better. I know he can play better - he did last year. I don't know if he will play better.
4) Lost in the barrage of Celtic jumpers, and Chris Bosh's ineffective play, was how good KJ James was. Wade still doesn't quite seem to have his legs back (9-21 for 20 points) - not sure why he played tonight. By contrast, Derrick Rose played one game after sitting 10 or so, but Chicago has sat him back down to get him even healthier. So, without Wade at his best, and without Bosh helping, it was pretty much up to KJ James to keep Miami in the game all by himself. Annnnddd, he did: 36 points, 7 rebounds, and 7 assists. He was spectacular. Without him, Miami loses this game by 30. Oh, you know who else did help? Emcee Chalmers! Miami got down 18 early, and as he tends to do in big games, especially when the team gets stagnant, Emcee went into "F-this, I don't care that I'm slow, can't jump, and can't dribble mode," and started flying around the court making plays. 18 on 6-9 for Emcee, only 1 turnover. It's odd, but he does seem to play better the bigger the game - his worst games are, like, against Sacramento on a random Wednesday night.
5) Next candidate for Playoff Theme Song:
6) In Dos Minutos International Headquarters today I was on the phone with this dude who has an irrational affection for me, and he goes, "listen - you are absolutely terrific - you are the Jimmy Stewart of the Palm Beaches!" One, yes I am. Great point. Two, very current reference - I'm not even totally sure who Jimmy Stewart is. Some old actor dude, right? Three, my momma named me "Clay" - so call me "Clay." Goodnight.
---
Next game is Thursday against Chicago, when we can all watch Chris Bosh get manhandled by Joakim Noah. Oh, and Carlos Boozer (and his spray on hair). Oh, and Omer Asik. Oh, and Taj Gibson. Oh, and Kurt Thomas. Oh, and Horace Grant. Oh, and Dennis Rodman. Oh, and Bill Wennington (did anyone ever think to nickname him "Bull" Wennington? no? too lame? yeah, I wouldn't do it, either, I swear). Oh, and James Edwards. Oh, and Norm Van Lear. Is that a guy? Norm Van Brocklin? Norm someone from the old days. You get the point. Looking forward to-it. If you need me before then, I'll be going through the closet for my old parachute pants! New Jack Swing, indeed!
-----
